I'll start this off by saying that finishing this by the KFP3 release date is not happening. Not unless you live in the UK. That said, I have an announcement to make. Because I am a massive nerd when it comes to this franchise, I have not one, but TWO fanfic ideas for a movie that has yet to come out. One of those I will be starting on immediately after I see it, so you can expect it sometime within the following week. It will run alongside this fic up until I finish it, and then I'll start on something else too. Here's a hint: it's one of the three sequels I promised to do at some point. ;)

Chapter 34: Showtime Showdown

The evacuation was not going very well. The people of the Valley knew the Furious Five very well, and so they followed their orders with relatively no problem. Unfortunately, many of the spectators were outsiders who didn't particularly care about what a bunch of kung fu masters thought they should do. It was these people that were slowing down progress significantly. The collapsing mountain however, was not slowing in the slightest. The main structure had already crumbled, and now rocks were falling from the sky like a meteor shower.

"I'm just saying, if you couldn't even win your own match, what makes you an expert on avoiding rock slides?" asked a particularly stubborn pig, who sounded as concerned as someone who couldn't find an item at the farmer's market.

Tigress pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "That doesn't make any sense. Look, either you follow my directions or you're going to die!"

The pig paused for a moment. "...Yeah, I'm not really seeing it."

Tigress growled at him, about to do something less than honorable, when her sensitive hearing picked up a noise from above her. She looked up to see a giant boulder falling right towards them. Instinctively, she grabbed the pig and jumped out of the way as it hit the ground behind them. "Okay, I'm convinced," he said quickly and ran off.

"Having a little trouble?" Tigress dusted herself off and saw Crane now hovering above her.

"Crane, you're alright! Does this mean everyone else made it out too?"

"I saw Yin Bei being carried out by Master Rooster, and Po went after Danzaburo. I'm pretty sure Kuai made it too." Which did make him feel better, if only because he didn't want Mei Ling to be hurt.

"That's good, I-wait, Po went after Danzaburo?! By himself?!"

Crane held his wings in front of him defensively. "Hey, don't blame me. You know how the guy gets sometimes." Tigress gritted her teeth and nodded in agreement. "I'm sure he's fine! We've got nothing to worry about...probably."

"Think fast SQUAWK!"

"WOAH!" Po turned to the side as a kunai whizzed past his head. Chaonaburo quickly flew in from the opposite side, taking a swing at his head with the katana. Po dodged again, then immediately countered with a punch. Fast as it was, the spy avoided it easily.

Taking to the sky, Chaonaburo sent a rain of shuriken flying down at him. Po rolled to the right as a line of them stuck into the ground behind him. Chaonaburo then dove at him again, spinning around so that his weapon-filled wings turned him into a tiny bladed vortex. But Po stood his ground, launching a kick that passed through the center of the blades and nailed the bird in his unprotected face.

Or at least it would have if he didn't abruptly swoop back up at the last second. The kick missed him completely, and left him the opening to land a kick of his own, raking his sharp talons across the panda's face.

"Danza-sama! Danza-sama! Danza-sama!"

"Agh! What the heck is going on here?!" Po cried, clutching his bleeding face with one paw. "You are not supposed to be this tough!"

"The Dragon Warrior seems to be under the impression that I haven't been paying attention to how he fights! It's actually a little insulting SQUAWK!"

Chaonaburo clutched his katana in both talons and dropped down at Po. The panda yelled and jumped away as the blade stabbed into the ground. The spy kept up the assault, swinging and stabbing at him repeatedly. After getting a cut across the arm, Po finally struck back, kicking the blunt end of the katana and knocking it away, leaving him open to throw another kick at Chaonaburo.

Naturally, it missed.

As I told his friends during that HILARIOUS incident at the Trial of Metal, knowledge is power! Unfortunately for our lost panda here, I have a heck of a lot more knowledge on him than on those chumps!"

"What? Why?"

He spread his wings and flung a group of small spheres at him. They burst into smoke, completely obscuring Po's vision.

"Because you made it through four trials, moron! Did it not occur to you that the more you fight, the more I learn?!"

"Uhhhhh..." For once, it seemed that his own determination had worked against him. Po looked around uneasily for any sign of the spy.

"For example, I know that you're really bad at looking behind you SQUAWK!"

Po jumped and spun around, only to see nothing there. He turned back around just in time to take a bird to the face, knocking him on his back.

"And that you're also incredibly gullible!"

Po growled and got back up just as the smoke cleared. He could now clearly see Chaonaburo hovering right above him.

"If it makes you feel any better, all I got out of the Trial of Earth was your complete ineptitude at puzzle-solving, which hardly needs a professional spy to figure out SQUAWK!"

Po stomped onto the arena hard enough to dislodge a few tiles, snatched one out of the air, and flung it in Chaonaburo's direction. With no visible effort, he threw a single kunai right back and shattered the tile before it could reach him. "Nice try!"

Okaaaaay, this is going to be tougher than I thought. And I might be totally screwed. Again.

Things didn't get much better from there.

"Right hook!" Chaonaburo flew to the side, avoiding a punch from Po.

"Roundhouse kick!" He dropped altitude and glided under Po's kick.

"Belly bounce!" He flapped his wings and thrust himself backwards, putting him out of reach of Po and his belly.

"Catchphrase!"

"You're feeling really clever right now, huh? When I'm through with you, the only thing you're going to be feeling is the thun-!" Po cut himself off, then crossed his arms and huffed. "No one likes a smarty pants."

"Danza-sama! Danza-sama! Danza-sama!"

"Sounds like the crowd disagrees with you SQUAWK!"

Po launched himself at the spy and threw another punch. When he inevitably dodged it, Po spun on his heel and threw a kick instead. This too Chaonaburo avoided, but the closeness of the attacks forced him to block it with his katana. It didn't hurt him, but the sheer force of the blow sent him flying back a bit until he was able to right himself.

"If you know so much about me, then I bet you know that I'm a lot stronger than you," Po said smugly. "Dodge around all you want, but sooner or later, I'm taking you down!"

The deep voice of Danzaburo laughed. "That's your plan? Throw attacks at me until something sticks?" he asked mockingly. "Though I'll admit, I estimated only a 37% chance of you even having a plan, so consider me impressed, Dragon-san." Before Po could decide if he was flattered or insulted, he continued. "I should let you know however, that you are not the only one who has a plan. I have several, in fact."

Now he was definitely insulted. "Good for you."

"It is actually. Allow me to demonstrate one of the more...interesting ones."

"Oh no, please don-"

"Ladies and gentlemen, how are you liking the show so far?!"

He was met by more commotion as Po groaned and dragged a paw down his face. Now he couldn't decide which half of Chaonaburo he liked less.

"What's that?! Not enough action for you?! Well we can't have that! To liven things up, allow me to share a fun bit of trivia! Did you know that the dangerous props used in the Wu Xing Tournament are not kept in their individual arenas?! No, too much danger of curious passerby (or looters) wandering in and hurting themselves SQUAWK! So can you guess where they ARE kept?!"

The crowd went wild as the tanuki shouted increasingly improbable answers. It was like watching the world's most demented ventriloquist act. "How long is this going to go on?" Po asked himself, tapping a foot impatiently.

"If you guessed 'inside this very arena', you are correct SQUAWK!"

He paled. "Wait, what?"

"That's right! All of those fun memories are stored right here! And guess where I put them!"

Chaonaburo flew over to one of the twin dragon statues that looked over the arena. He casually tapped a taloned foot against it, and it turned into a box. A very familiar box.

A box full of metallic weapons.

"I really do think these things didn't get enough use before! It's time to make up for that SQUAWK!" He kicked the box over, sending it's deadly contents spilling into the arena.

"Eep!" Po danced around as the weapons landed all around him.

"Scientifically speaking, throwing a bunch of sharp objects all over the place SHOULD result in greater bloodshed! Don't quote me on that, folks!"

Po tiptoed around a few dangerous blades, looking around carefully. If he had to deal with all of these weapons, he might as well use one.

Unfortunately, Chaonaburo had the same idea. Swooping down, he snatched a pair of wind and fire wheels in his talons and came at Po again. Panicked, Po grabbed the nearest weapon, Lao Pi's oversized battle axe and managed to block him. He then had to keep blocking him as he continued the assault from multiple sides. The unwieldy weapon combined with the numerous other weapons scattered about was making even the defensive strategy pretty difficult.

He finally just threw the entire axe in the spy's direction and went looking for something else. Chaonaburo flew to avoid the axe, but was distracted enough to give Po a few seconds. "Come on, come on, give me something I can use!"

Chaonaburo grabbed Dun's spear next and charged Po with it. "Crap!" The panda snatched a large dagger off the ground and just barely deflected the spear's attack. He only noticed afterwards that it was the same dagger De Lu had used against him. "Phew! Thanks, buddy."

Looking slightly annoyed, Chaonaburo reared back a bit and copied Po's tactic by just hurling the spear at him. Knowing that it was going too fast to deflect this time, Po slipped his foot under Yin Bei's shield, then kicked it up into the air, intercepting the spear and taking both weapons out. With this spare time, Po reached for something else.

He picked up another weapon and readied it just as Chaonaburo grabbed Reidak's billy clubs, now seeming intent on just bludgeoning him to death. Swinging the clubs at Po's head from both sides, he was surprised as Po blocked them both with Viper's nunchuks and spun them, knocking the clubs, and Chaonaburo away. While he recovered, Po finally found what he was looking for: the metal bo staff.

Chaonaburo looked ready to attack again, but he pulled back just as he got close. Po found out why as his "staff" suddenly exploded in his paws.

"Second only to his gullibility is the Dragon Warrior's extreme lack of pattern recognition SQUAWK!"

Po flew back, seeing himself about to land on some very sharp blades. Thinking fast, he spread his arms and legs and caught himself on the ground, panting heavily at yet another near-death experience. Even so, he could still feel the blades poking into his back. Boy, that was really going to hurt in the morning.

"Oh, for the love of...make that third to his obnoxious habit of not dying when convenient!"

The crowd started to boo him, dissatisfied with the lack of carnage. "Hey, it's not MY fault! Clearly, this match still needs a little more 'eggcitement'! Well I've got just the thing SQUAWK!"

He flew to the other dragon statue and unveiled a large wagon of replica tortoise eggs. Still hunched over on his backside, Po gasped. "No way! Not more stupid eggs!"

Chaonaburo flipped the wagon over and the eggs spilled into the arena. These normally would've posed little threat, except for the fact that a bunch of slippery surfaces were now added around the sharp, dangerous weapons. The floor of the arena was quickly becoming very cluttered. "Boy, am I glad that I have wings!"

Po got back up and almost immediately stepped onto one of these eggs, sliding his foot out from under him and resulting in Po nearly falling facefirst into an axe. Stumbling back, he stepped on another egg, tripped again, and just avoided having his arm taken off by a dao sword. "Ugh. This is so not fair!"

"Oh? Sounds like we have a dispute over the integrity of this match SQUAWK! Let's consult the referee!"

"This has a referee?!"

The "referee" was an overweight tanuki with a whistle around his neck, sleeping soundly on the sidelines. At the announcer's voice, he woke up briefly, shrugged, and promptly fell asleep again. "Well that settles it, folks! Let's continue!"

"At least I know I've got my friends behind me!" Po yelled back.

From his left, a group of tanuki spectators suddenly turned into exact replicas of the Furious Five, all holding frilly pom-poms and moving in sync. "Two, four, six, eight, Dragon-san is second-rate! Go go Danzaburo!"

Chaonaburo flew to the left to avoid an egg Po chucked at him. "Now that's just plain unsportsmanlike!"

Po glared at him, then tripped yet again onto a set of shuriken. He yelped as a few of them got lodged in his buttocks.

"Wow, do I even need to do anything else? Sooner or later, he's just gonna kill himself!" The crowd booed again. "Okay okay, fine! Geez, you're so hard to please today SQUAWK!"

Chaonaburo flew out of sight. Any relief Po might have felt about this was instantly crushed when he heard a low rumbling sound approaching from nearby. A large shadow came down the stairs above him and his eyes widened as the massive form of the Juggernaut jumped off of the overlooking ledge and landed in the arena. "You have got to be kidding me..." Could things possibly get any more hectic?

"I was waiting to unleash this bad boy until later, but since SOME OF US are getting impatient, let's get this show on the road!" Chaonaburo's voice shouted from inside the machine. "Shame I don't enough limbs to operate all of this thing's! Oh well, I only need two!" The Juggernaut raised its upper axe-wielding arms and charged.

On the one hand, it was doing a good job clearing a path through all of this debris. On the other hand, it was the Juggernaut.

With so little room to maneuver, Po leapt over the machine's first swing, landing on top of the arm. The Juggernaut quickly slashed at him with the other arm, which Po caught with some difficulty.

"H-Hey! I don't think this thing is built to handle this kind of weight SQUAWK!"

Ignoring yet another jab at his girth (he was more than used to it by now), Po tightened his grip on the wooden arm and with a loud "WA CHA!" ripped it from its socket. It landed right on top of the Furious Five lookalikes, poofing them out of existence. "Yikes! Guess the Dragon Warrior doesn't care about his friends anymore! Good thing they're not here to see this!"

Po growled, but before he could do anything else, he was suddenly knocked off by the other two arms and pinned to the floor. He struggled to free himself, but all that weight baring down was too much even for him. "Thanks for giving me less arms to keep track of! I might have never gotten around to using these bottom ones otherwise SQUAWK!"

Po struggled even more frantically as he saw the remaining arm lifted above him, its axe ready to take his head clean off. He couldn't even reach for a weapon anymore.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we have reached the finale! Can I get a 'sayonara'?!"

"SAYONARA!"

The arm swung down...just barely missing Po's head. The Juggernaut reeled back, it's face completely covered in fake egg goop. Po smirked, juggling another egg in his paw, then flinging that one too.

"SQUAWK?! Hey, you can't blind the announcer! I call foul! I CALL FOUL!"

The referee woke up again, shrugged, and went back to sleep.

The Juggernaut made another blind swing, this time only cutting into one of its own arms and getting stuck there. While Chaonaburo struggled to free it, Po was able to slip out. He leapt forward, grabbing onto both of the machine's bottom arms for leverage, and swung back.

"Skadoosh." He swung forward, kicking straight through the Juggernaut's chest. With a loud screech, Chaonaburo was flung out of the other side, bouncing a few times on the ground until coming to a stop.

Just like that, it all went away. The fireworks, the confetti, the cheers, and every single tanuki in the audience vanished in a puff of smoke. All that was left was a destroyed Juggernaut and a very messy arena.

Po hopped over the fallen Juggernaut and stepped carefully around the remaining weapons, now much easier without having to deal with kunai flying at his face. Danzaburo was lying on the ground several feet away, now back in tanuki form. "Urrrrrgh..." he groaned, starting to get back up. Before he could manage it, Po grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and lifted him up to eye level.

"It's over," he said simply. "Now surrender."

Danzaburo looked up at him defiantly. "No...a warrior of Japan never surrenders."

The white smoke started to gather again, but not just around Danzaburo. It formed all around the surrounding area, closing in and condensing. The last thing Po saw before everything went white was the spy grinning wickedly.

"The show...must go on!"

Okay, seriously guys, I promise the next chapter will NOT end on a cliffhanger. Honest!

I know the Five and the other competitors didn't get to do much in this chapter. Don't worry, everyone will play their part in the next...and I do mean everyone.