Eriana hoped that a good night's sleep would give her clarity and peace about the events of the Landsmeet. She had hoped to wake up feeling better about her decision. But when she awoke the next morning, she was overcome with a feeling of emptiness, a feeling that there was something tangible missing from her life. Alistair was gone, and she felt it now in her body as well as her soul. Over the past few months, Eriana had become accustomed to feeling the familiar pull from the taint running through Alistair's blood; it was a comforting sensation that reminded her of their bond. It was a familiar, ever present comfort for her, and now it was missing. She could feel the pull of Riordan's tainted blood, a stronger presence than Alistair's, but it was no comfort to her. Her friend, her brother in arms was gone all because of her actions, and his absence left a void in her life that no one else could fill.

Sighing to herself, she crawled out of the bed, careful not to disturb Zevran who was sleeping peacefully beside her. There was much for her to do before they left for Redcliffe in a few days, and she might as well get to work. First things first, she needed to speak with Loghain; then she needed to explain things to their companions. Slipping into a pair of leather britches and a tunic, Eriana made her way to the former teryn's door.

"Enter," Loghain barked as she knocked on his door. He was sitting before the fire, staring at the flames as they danced in the hearth. "Oh, it's you. Well, what can I do for you Commander?"

"I just wanted to check on you, that's all. The Joining's effects can be…disturbing at first, and I wanted to make sure you were doing okay."

Loghain looked up at her, surprised, "So you haven't come to gloat?"

Eriana smiled and moved to the seat beside him. "No, no gloating from me; I just thought we needed to talk, seeing as how we will be traveling together."

Loghain looked back into the fire, "Well, I passed your little test. Fate has a twisted sense of humor, it seems. I suppose you think I'm some kind of monster even more so since I survived your ritual. You keep striking at me, and I just refuse to die decently."

"That's true; I may have to resort to magic next," Eriana said with a weak laugh. "Loghain, I don't think you are a monster, and if I wanted you dead, you would have been dead at Landsmeet."

Loghain nodded, "Very true, so why did you keep me alive then, Commander; what plans do you have for me?"

Eriana sighed, "We needed other Wardens, and thanks to you, only had the materials to conduct one joining. You're strong enough that I honestly believed that you would survive the ritual, so we wouldn't waste the only supplies we had. That, and you are an experienced warrior who knows how to command an army. I do not. Despite all that I have done these past few months, I was never trained in military tactics; I am an ailenage elf after all. So your skills are vital to our success as we go up against this army of darkspawn." She glanced over at him, "I'm not so proud that I can't admit my own weaknesses, Loghain. There is a lot that I can learn from you. You are a Grey Warden now, and if we are going to stop this Blight, we're going to have to trust one another."

Loghain looked at her for a moment, silently contemplating what she was saying. "Impressive, I thought you would resent me for costing you Alistair."

Eriana shook her head, "You didn't cost me Alistair; that is my fault entirely. I knew exactly how he would react, yet I conscripted you anyway. I don't regret it, and would do it again in a heartbeat."

"Why?"

"Because it is what was best for Ferelden, but there will be a better time and place to discuss this later. I was honestly curious about how you were doing."

"Fine, I suppose. A bit sick to my stomach, but I am hoping that will pass soon."

Eriana grinned, "It should, only to be replaced by a gnawing hunger." Loghain looked over at her. "A side effect of the taint, one of many, I'm afraid. But we will have time to discuss those later as well." Eriana stood up, "We will be leaving for Redcliffe in a few days, so you will need to gather supplies for making camp. Let me know what you will need, and I'll have a servant or one of my companions get it for you. I'm not sure how people would react to you on your own out there; there are some people who are very upset with you in this city."

"Thank you, Commander; this is…unexpected."

"Eriana."

"Excuse me?"

"Just call me Eriana. We are an order of equals; our titles are only for those outside the order. We are brothers and sisters in the taint now, Loghain, no need for formalities."

Loghain nodded, "As you wish, Eriana."

Eriana gave him a weak smile and turned to leave. "Awkward conversation number one down, one more to go," she thought as she returned to her room. She was unsurprised to find Zevran already dressed and waiting for her.

"How did the chat with Loghain go, mia cara?"

How Zevran always seemed to know what she was doing, Eriana would never know. He seemed to have an intuitive understanding of the inner workings of her mind. "A bit awkward at first, but that was to be expected. He doesn't quite trust me yet, but I think he'll come around once he realizes that we weren't exaggerating about the severity of the Blight situation." She sighed and sat down on the edge of their bed. "I just hope the others trust me and try to understand."

Zevran sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "We have trusted you so far, and you have yet to let us down. I'm sure they will understand."

"Alistair didn't."

"We are not all as emotionally ruled as Alistair is, my dear. He has yet to learn to separate his heart from this mind, but he will learn soon enough. Come, now. You will feel better once you have spoken with everyone."

Together the two elves made their way down to the common room where their companions had assembled for breakfast. Eriana looked around at each of them. "I know you are all very confused by the choices that I made yesterday, and I know that it may seem I chose my enemy over my best friend. Let me assure you all that is not the case. Sometimes being a Grey Warden means you often have to make unpleasant decisions for the greater good, decisions that often times seem wrong or hurtful, but bear in mind, my duty is to all of Thedas and Ferelden. Loghain, as harmful as he has been to me personally, has skills that will be helpful to us. I would not be doing my duty if I allowed such an asset to go to waste, and my duty is to the Wardens as a whole, not to individuals.

"You all joined me because you wanted to help Ferelden, to stop the Blight. Some of you gave up a great deal to join me; wouldn't you sacrifice a great deal more if it meant bringing an end to all this suffering? I know I would. I wish I could explain more, but please trust me in this. Hurting Alistair was the last thing I wanted, but I hope that you all know me well enough to know that it wasn't a decision I made lightly or without good reason."

After she finished, Eriana looked around at her companions. Morrigan was the first to speak, "Well, I think that Loghain is a fine addition to the group, though replacing Alistair tis not exactly a difficult task." Eriana rolled her eyes. Morrigan had disliked Alistair from the beginning, so it was no surprise to her that she was happy to see him go.

Ogren and Sten both respected Loghain because he was an experienced warrior, and though Ogren was genuinely sad to see the templar leave, he willingly welcomed Loghain into their party. In fact, the only person who seemed to have a real problem with Eriana's decision was Wynne, but that didn't really surprise Eriana. As the group left for breakfast, Eriana took the mage by the arm and asked to speak with her in private.

"Wynne, you are well read on the Grey Wardens and our history. What do you know of the history of the Blights?"

Wynne looked down at her for a moment, an annoyed look on her face, "Well, most Blights last for many years and destroy entire nations before the archdemon is destroyed and the Blight effectively ended. It is said that the archdemon is the soul of an old god that has been corrupted by the taint. There have been four Blights, but they have all taken place north of Ferelden. The most recent Blight almost destroyed Antiva; had it not been for Garahel, it may well have."

"And what do you know of ending the Blight?"

"Not much, I'm afraid. It is said that a Grey Warden must be to one to defeat the archdemon, but none of the books that I have read indicate why." Wynne glanced down at her, "Why, is there something more that you know?"

Eriana shook her head, "Only this, every Warden who has made the killing blow died in the process." Wynne's eyes widened at that. "I don't know for certain what that means, but I have a good idea what it may mean. I just wanted to make sure there was another Warden or two between that thing and the King. Can you possibly understand?"

"Why are you telling only me this?"

"Because I know how much you care for Alistair in almost a maternal way. I just thought that you deserved to know; I hoped you would understand."

"I confess, I was very unhappy with your decision. I still think that Loghain may hurt the already frail reputation of the Wardens, but I cannot argue with your logic."

"Thank you Wynne."

The next two days passed in relative peace for the Warden. She spent most of her time getting armor and weapons repaired, restocking their supplies, and spending time with her family. There was only one more thing for her to take care of before she would be ready to leave for Redcliffe.

"You want me to leave Denerim. Why da'len?" Cyrion asked her.

"Well, it's the capital of Ferelden, and that makes it a big target. If the archdemon is as intelligent as they say, then the horde will likely attack the city eventually. I would feel better if you were somewhere more secure."

"Where would you like me to go, then?"

"There is a Warden outpost in the north known as Soldier's Peak. We have some allies there who will keep you safe. A group of Redcliffe knights will escort you, Soris, and Shianni there in the morning." Cyrion started to protest, but Eriana stopped him. "They will be going there for me anyway; I have some supplies that they are retrieving for me that are being stored there." She wrapped her arms around her father, "Ada, please do this for me."

"Anything for you my daughter. I just wish that there was something I could do to keep you safe, to shield you from all of this," Cyrion said, drawing her down on the couch beside him. The Grey Wardens were leaving for Redcilffe in the morning, so Zevran and Eriana decided to spend the day with her family to give them one last time to be together before the war drew them apart. Zevran and Soris had just left to pick up some lunch from the market, giving Eriana and her father some time alone.

"Just knowing you are safe will be enough for me, Ada," Eriana said, resting her head on the old elf's shoulder. Cyrion reached over and stroked his daughter's long blond hair as she rested against him.

"Soris should be quite willing to leave Denerim, I would believe, especially after all he's been through lately, but Shianni, well, Shianni may be another story." Eriana looked up at him, a confused look on her face. "She has all but taken over for Valendrian since he was taken by those slavers. I doubt she will be willing to leave."

"Please, just try to convince her, Dad; I would just feel so much better if I knew all of you were out of the city." Eriana closed her eyes for a moment, trying to savor every detail of what she hoped wasn't her last moment with her father. "Ada," she said, looking up at him, "Do you think I'm selfish?"

Cyrion blinked down at her, a confused look on his face, "Selfish? You? Da'len, of course not. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Eriana sighed and explained what Alistair had said to her after the Landsmeet. "And he does have a point, Ada; I mean, I did break up with him to save myself from getting hurt. Isn't that selfish? I willingly hurt him to spare my own feelings. And I guess there was some sense of self-preservation in my decision to spare Loghain, but I honestly believe that he will be an asset in our fight against the darkspawn. But there are other things, too. I picked the Bhelen because he would be the strongest ally for me, not because he was the best choice for the dwarfs. When I killed Vaghan, it was for my own revenge; wasn't that selfish? I mean, I didn't even consider what the outcome would be for others."

"Yes you did, cousin," Soris said from where he and Zevran stood in the doorway. "I heard what Vaghun said when we were in there. He offered to give you money to spare him, but he would have still raped all those women. You refused to leave them behind to be tortured. A selfish person would have taken the money an ran. Not only that, you took the blame for what happened there when it was all my doing. I rescued you; I put the sword in your hands and forced you to fight your way out of that place. Then when the guards came, you took the blame. You were willing to die to protect me. How could you even think for one moment that you are selfish?"

"Is this about what Alistair said?" Zevran asked, his face drawn with anger. Eriana nodded. "Braska! Ana, my heart, please tell me you are not taking to heart what he said to you. He was angry, and you know what he is like when he is angry. Maker's Breath, you have had a concussion that proves that."

Cyrion raised an eyebrow at that, but Eriana waved him off. "But Zev, he had a point."

"No," Zevran said, crossing the room to kneel before her. "No, he had a temper and a whiney outburst. You are one of the most selfless, kind people that I have ever met. If you were a selfish person, you would have killed me the moment we met, but you didn't. You spared my life and gave it purpose once again. And you have done that and more for every person you have met in this cold, cruel nation. A selfish person wouldn't have searched over a war-beleaguered nation for a lost sword. A selfish person would have left Redcliffe to fall and her Arl to die. A selfish person wouldn't spend her money on trinkets and gifts just to make her companions happy. You, mi amora are the kindest, most giving person I have ever known, and it pains me to see you question that because of the ratings of an angry, ill-tempered monarch."

Eriana's eyes filled up with tears as she glanced around the room at the men who loved her: her father, her cousin who was more of a brother, and her lover, her assassin, her rock. She felt her father's arms tighten around her as he whispered in her ear, "Don't doubt yourself, da'len. You are a good person, stubborn as a mabari at times, but good."

"Thank you," Eriana said, allowing the tears to flow freely as her father held her. "I guess I'm just nervous about having all this depend on me, and I don't want to make the wrong decision when it comes to something important. I've never had this kind of pressure before, so I guess I'm second guessing everything. With so much riding on me, I can't afford to make a mistake."

She sighed and leaned back into her father's arms. Was Alistair right or was her family right? If only there was some way to prove to him that she wasn't selfish. She just hoped that she could prove it to him, somehow.