Thanks reviewers!

mutt009 - Hehe thanks! All is looking up huh? Glad I got your heart doing happy dances!

norar & LoveAsh87, Ugtabkdnm3 – Thanks! That's really sweet

bethers85 – Aw thanks. Spashley lovin soon? Hmmm we'll see

shayer – Relationship to the next level huh? I wonder what level you're referring to hehe. Thanks, that kiss was a big step for Spencer. Yeah I plan to avoid getting caught...by anyone lol

somthgIlike2do – The band is on the rise! Spencer is getting a little frisky isn't she, hmm I wonder what I could write to help with that?

uluvme – It was a wholesome chapter wasn't it? Lol Thanks!

As some of you may remember several chapters back I asked for your input to figure out what would be the first single for Fear Itself, the results of that little poll are in this chapter. Thanks to all who put forward ideas!

Usual disclaimer – SoN not mine, I'm all cut up about it too!

Fear Itself

Chapter Thirty-Six – Island Records

Spencer's POV

I ran a hand through my long, straight blonde hair and adjusted my black shirt while I followed Julian into the huge, intimidating building that housed Island records. Today was the day we met with the label to see if this whole record deal was going to work out. I was so nervous I had butterflies in my stomach the size of pelicans, no lie.

I had caught a ride to the meeting with Jules so I could spend some one on one time with him. We needed our best friend time and I felt like I had been neglecting him a little since I had been so wrapped up in Ashley and all my shit.

I was crazy about her, but I didn't want to be one of those girls who dropped all their friends when they got into a relationship. Julian was my best friend and I was not going to lose sight of that, and not to mention the fact that after all the shit he went through with Tom he needed a little TLC. So after my counselling appointment with Christa we had gone out for brunch and then did a little shopping (I brought three new pairs of Converses which I was very happy about), before heading to the label.

I looped my arm through his as we walked up to the receptionist, "Hi I'm Julian and this is Spencer and we're from Fear Itself. We uh have a meeting with Mr. Flint," Julian said nervously as he shuffled his feet.

The receptionist (who looked like a freaking super model by the way) smiled kindly at us and replied, "Of course, your manager is already here so if you just go down that hall and into the first door on your right Mr. Flint will be right with you."

We smiled gratefully and headed down the hallway she pointed to. The walls were adorned with photos of all the bands signed to the label. It was pretty awesome to walk the halls that bands I loved and admired had traipsed along.

We entered the meeting room and found a grinning Derek waiting for us. He jumped up and walked over to shake our hands almost too enthusiastically. I wonder if he realises we need those hands to play our instruments?

"Hey Spencer, Julian. Glad you're both here, take a seat and we'll wait for the others to arrive. You guys excited?" Derek said jovially.

We sat down and I look over at Julian so he could answer, "Nervous, excited, overwhelmed, scared. You name it I probably feel it!" Derek and I chuckled, me anxiously.

"Spencer what about you, you excited?" Derek asked with a reassuring smile. He really was a beautiful man, if I swung that way I think I might have had a little crush on him. As it stood I was dying to ask him what skin care products he used. I also wondered what store he brought his ties in, because they were always great and I felt the need for a few more ties.

I was saved having to respond to Derek's question when Grey walked in followed by Jen and then my Ashley. I beamed when I saw my gorgeous girlfriend, a beam which was countered with a nose-crinkling grin of her own when she caught my eyes. Ashley sashayed over to me and dropped a sweet kiss on my lips before greeting the others.

"Hey Jules, hi Derek, are you guys excited?" Ashley asked as she sat down in the empty seat beside me. A seat that was deliberately left empty just for her cute little ass to sit in.

Derek flashed her his million dollar smile and nodded, "I am definitely excited. This is a great day for you guys and I am so proud of you!"

We all smiled back at him and settled more comfortably in the seats around the huge mahogany table that took up most of the room. I slipped my hand into Ashley's and gave hers a squeeze. She grinned over and me and raised out joined hands so she could plant a kiss on mine.

I gazed into her eyes and felt the stress and anxiety I was feeling melt away. She was beside me and with her there I knew that everything was going to be ok. I glanced up and found all the others looking at us with happy grins on their faces. I blushed and ducked my head as the all laughed and started chatting amongst themselves.

"So how was your morning beautiful?" Ashley asked with another nose-crinkling grin. God that smile! It just makes me melt!

"It was good. I went and saw Christa this morning and she made me feel better about everything that happened with the prosecutor. It helped to get it all out, you know. Then Julian took me to brunch at Delissio's which was great, even though I ate way too much. Oh and then I made him come Converse shopping with me!" I explained with a grin.

Ashley looked at me with amusement and nodded, "Ah I see, lucky Julian, and how many pairs did you buy this time?"

I blushed a little and said hesitantly, "Um one?"

"How about you try that again and tell me the truth this time?" she asked with a smirk on her lips and a perfectly arched eyebrow.

I blushed harder and bit my lower lip before answering reluctantly, "Ok so three, but one pair was half price and then one was purple check and they were too cool to refuse!"

Ashley chuckled and rolled her eyes, "Ok and how many pairs do you own now?"

"Um…are we talking just high tops or in total?" I asked, making her crack up. What that was a legitimate question?

"Spencer you are a nut. You're so lucky I love you," She teased with a smirk.

I let my expression become serious and said softly, "I know I am." She blushed a little and leaned in to place a tender, chaste kiss on my lips. She pulled back slightly so that we could look into each other's eyes. Her pools of molten chocolate held my ocean blue ones, our looks expressing everything we were feeling in that moment. I smiled adoringly at her and was about to lean in and capture her lips again when the door opened and a tall man with steel grey hair strode in.

Derek jumped to his feet and reached out to shake the man's hand. "Mr. Flint, thanks so much for meeting with us. Let me introduce you to the band."

We all stood up and I took the opportunity to get a good look at the man who could make or break our music career. He looked to be in his late forties or early fifties. His hair was shaggy in that 'I don't want you to think I style my hair but really I spend hours on it' way and he had warm brown eyes. He stood at well over 6 feet and had a solid but toned build. He was wearing dark blue jeans, a black shirt and a brown leather jacket.

I reached out and took his offered hand when he reached me in his introductions. "Mr. Flint this is our bassist, violinist and one of our song writers Spencer Carlin. Spencer this is Mr. Flint," Derek introduced.

I shook his hand and smiled at him, "It's truly a pleasure to meet you Mr. Flint."

"You too Spencer, I am a big fan. I actually saw you perform with the LACA Orchestra a few times, although I think the life of a rock star suits you far more than that of a classical violinist. You are very talented and your songs are great. I especially loved Breakeven and I Wanna from your demo, I believe you were the song writer behind those songs?" Mr. Flint asked in a kind voice.

"For Breakeven yes, I Wanna was co-written with Julian," I corrected him with a grin.

Derek was beaming at me like a proud papa when he added, "Spencer is also the inspiration behind the band's name." Derek really loved the story behind the band name, I think he just wanted people to think that there really was a rocker underneath the blonde hair and blue eyes, hence a story that reveals one of my tattoos.

Mr. Flint looked intrigued as he turned back to me, "Really? It's a great name, I'd love to hear the story behind it."

I nodded, "Of course, well it's actually taken from one of my tattoos. My father has always said to me that the only thing to fear was fear itself. So I got Fear Itself tattooed on my right hip as a constant reminder of that. Now I was at my first ever band practice, I wasn't even really in the band yet, and I was lying on the sofa, Ashley caught sight of my tattoo and read it out loud. Pretty soon it was unanimously agreed that it would be the name for the band." I looked over at my girl, who smiled warmly at me and winked.

"That's a great story and a very marketable one. Thank you Spencer. Oh and you said one of your tattoos, you have others?" Mr. Flint said with a huge smile that rivalled Derek's in its whiteness.

I grinned and nodded, "I have one other," I turned around and pulled down the collar of my black shirt to display the ink on the back of my neck. I pulled my shirt back up and turned around to face him.

"That's a great one, I like the vine design. I've always wanted one but my partner isn't keen on them sadly," Mr. Flint said with a grin.

"Yeah I got mine when I was younger and my mother wasn't too happy, but wasn't much she could do once I got them." Everyone laughed and Mr. Flint gave my shoulder a squeeze before moving on.

Derek finished the introductions and we all retook our seats around the table.

"So I guess you're all eager to find out what we're offering you?" Mr. Flint asked with a beaming smile. We all nodded and waited silently for him to continue. "Well we want to do an album and get you touring. We'd like to start work on the album right away and have a single ready to launch soon, as in within a month," He said with excitement colouring his voice.

I turned to look at Ashley and found her grinning back at me. This was amazing and made even more so by the fact that I was sharing it with her. I squeezed her hand and smiled over at Julian who was practically bouncing in his seat.

"We would like to offer you a two record deal with an option to extend. We loved your demo, it was one of the best we've ever heard, definitely the best I've heard in a few years. You guys have a unique sound, not many bands change up the lead singer the way you do, it gives your songs fresh and unique sounds. If you are happy with what we're offering then we'll get everything going this week," Mr. Flint announced. I was in shock I think, this was all like a dream come true and I was scared I was about to wake up.

"Wow, Mr. Flint this is beyond amazing. I mean the fact that you have so much faith in us as a band is really touching, gosh I'm actually at a loss for words...I don't think that has ever happened before!" Julian said with a chuckle.

"It's true, usually we have trouble getting Julian to shut up!" Ashley quipped, earning a laugh from everyone in the room.

"So I guess that brings us to the big question, are you guys interested?" Mr. Flint asked with a grin.

We all looked around at each other, each with a tentative smile of elation on our faces. This was it, as if we weren't all dying to take Mr. Flint up on his offer? I looked over at Ashley and found her smiling tenderly at me, the smile that I had only ever seen her bestow on me...and her guitar if I'm being truthful, but I wasn't jealous because my Fender bass got the same love from me.

We all looked at Derek and nodded. He winked at us and turned back to Mr. Flint, "Well I think your offer is more than generous and Fear Itself would be thrilled to sign with Island Records!"

Mr. Flint's face spilt into a dazzling grin and he glanced at each of us in turn, "Well that is amazing! I think this is going to be a wonderful partnership. I have a contract for you guys, I want you to take tonight and think about it, get a lawyer to go over the contract and then if you're happy we can get you all in the studio this week."

I glanced around at the others and said, "I don't think we need to do that, I think we can all safely say we are more than eager to sign this deal."

Mr. Flint chuckled, "Well that's great, but I want to do this the right way so Derek can fax through the signed contract tomorrow, at least then I can sleep at night knowing I did the right thing by you and gave you time to think about it and make the best possible choice for you and your band."

I looked around at the others and I think it was safe to say we were all sharing the same thought, this guy was not going to screw us over. He seemed to genuinely care about us and our music. Julian winked over at me and then said for all of us, "Ok we'll do that, but you can expect a signed contract tomorrow. Thank you so much Mr. Flint for giving us this opportunity!"

"That's more than alright Julian, thank you for considering us. I know you guys have had offers from a few labels and it is great you decided to meet with us. Your band has just the right sound for our label while still being unique, plus you guys are all extremely marketable," Mr. Flint said kindly.

"Thank you, wow this is so exciting! I wonder what it will feel like to hear our song on the radio?" Jen asked with a huge smile.

"On the topic of your first single I was hoping to get your input as to what song you would like to release first? The album will have about 14 tracks on it, possibly with a few bonus tracks including a cover I was thinking, but I would like one of the songs from your demo as your first single. They are brilliant songs though so I would like to hear what you guys think because I can't decide which would be best to get out there first," Mr. Flint said with a chuckle.

We all looked around at each other, deep in thought. This was a huge decision. The first single would help people see what we were all about as a band. It was important we made the right first impression. I looked over at Jen when she started to speak, "I vote for either I Wanna or Come Down to Me. I think they're both really powerful songs and I love the violin and cello in Come Down to Me."

"Hmm I was going to say The Resolution or Breakeven, but it's hard to choose," Grey added.

Julian looked over at me and grinned, "Well I vote for Breakeven. That song is so full of emotion and I think people will relate to it a lot." I smiled back and glanced at Ashley who had her brow all wrinkled in confusion.

"Well I was thinking it should be Breakeven or I Wanna. Breakeven might be a more powerful song to put out their as our first single, one that will make people pay attention to us. Plus I think once you've seen Spencer perform it you can't deny the magic of that song," Ashley said softly. I looked over at her and found her grinning tenderly at me, her big brown eyes twinkling.

I blushed hard and looked down at the table. She was too good to me. I felt all eyes on me and looked up questioningly. Derek chuckled and said, "Spencer what do you think?"

I shrugged and looked down at my hands, "I have no idea, I like Come Down To Me."

Julian rolled his eyes good naturedly and said with a laugh, "of course you do, it's written about you!" I blushed a rather spectacular red as the band and Derek laughed.

Mr. Flint looked thoughtful, "It is?"

Derek nodded and said with a grin, "Yeah Ashley here wrote that song about Spencer."

Mr. Flint smiled kindly and looked over at us, "That's sweet, I wish my partner Collin would do something sweet like that for me!" Ok wow, he's gay? Did not see that coming.

I looked over at Ashley and found her beaming at me. I leaned into her side and she wrapped an arm around my shoulder, giving me a gentle squeeze. Mr. Flint smiled warmly at us before looking around the group and saying, "Well I say we go with majority rules and that means Breakeven is the song we will release as your first single. I'd like I Wanna to be the second. So Spencer how does it feel to know a song you wrote and that you are the lead singer on is going to be listened to by millions of people all over the world?"

I looked at him completely speechless. I was still in shock I think. I felt Ashley lean into me. Her warm breath hit my ear, making me shiver, as she murmured, "This is real my Rock Star, this is happening. I love you and I am so proud of you."

I turned my face so that I could look at her and the beaming smile on her face made my heart race. I started to smile and then a little giggle broke through. The rest of the room was grinning at me, waiting for my response.

I giggled again and flashed them all a beaming grin, "Well I'd say that is so incredible someone might have to pinch me…OUCH! Julian I was kidding!" I said with a mock glare as Julian smirked at me and retracted the hand that had just pinched the sensitive skin on the back of my arm.

"Julian you're such a bully!" Jen said with a chuckle. Julian just shrugged and smirked at me again.

Ashley stealthily leaned over and pinched him hard on the back of the neck, making him jump and grab at the irritated skin with a loud, "OUCH, shit Ash what was that for?"

Ashley shrugged and deadpanned, "Well I thought that would be obvious, you pinch my girlfriend I pinch you." she kept up her straight face for another five seconds and then she burst out laughing, followed by everyone else including Julian who shrugged again.

"You guys are all great together, marketing you all is going to be an easy task. I am actually off to see a publicist we work with after this meeting to get some ideas of how to market the band. The relationship between Spencer and Ashley is obviously a very marketable one, bassist/song writer joins the band and steals the heart of the rocker princess lead guitarist. But I will not be utilising that marketing ploy," Mr. Flint declared.

We all looked at him in confusion, me with a little relief. I felt certain that the price of fame was going to be my relationship with Ashley used to promote us, which was something I never wanted. Our relationship was the best thing in my life and I wanted to keep as much of it private as possible. That not to say I will ever hide my relationship. I have hidden long enough, but I hated the idea of our love being used to sell records.

Mr. Flint chuckled at the looks we were giving him and continued, "The love between two people should never be used as a marketable commodity. The music of your band, and the fact that you are all young and good looking with vibrant personalities, will be what sells this band. I do have to ask though, do you want your relationship hidden or just not overtly broadcast?"

I looked over at Ashley and she just smiled adorably at me, telling me that it was my call, she would go with whatever I was comfortable with. I looked back over at Mr. Flint and replied, "Well I will never deny my relationship, but I also want this band to be known for more than the lesbian relationship between the guitarist and bassist. Let's not hide it, but not scream it from the rooftops either." I looked over at Ashley and she nodded her approval.

Mr. Flint grinned paternally at us, "you two remind me of me and my partner. Collin and I have been together almost thirty years now. Actually he is the publicist I will be meeting with after this so I promise you will be in safe, understanding, hands. Really you two are just too cute together!" We all chuckled and I blushed a little.

We all chatted a little more about songs for the album, suggesting other songs we'd already written and planning times to start writing some more. I had a heap of songs I could contribute and I was excited to get into the studio and get working.

As we were getting ready to leave Mr. Flint asked me, Ashley and Derek to hang back for a moment. We said our goodbyes to Julian, Jen and Grey, me telling Jules I'd grab a lift home with Ashley, just so long as he remembered to bring my new Converses to the band, family and friends night we had a Pella later. It was our little informal celebration about the record deal.

Once the room had clear, but for Mr. Flint, Derek, Ashley and myself, we all sat down again and I clutched Ashley's hand in mine. I had a feeling I knew what this was about.

Mr. Flint smiled reassuringly at me and began to speak softly, "Spencer I know none of this is going to be easy to talk about, but I was wondering if we could discuss, briefly, the upcoming court case. I know this is a sensitive subject and I want to determine the best way for us to support you through this."

I swallowed hard, I had privately asked Derek to let any interested labels know about the looming court case, I figured they should know in case it ends up as front page news. I smiled tiredly at the older man and said quietly, "Well as I'm sure Derek told you, my ex boyfriend attacked me and has now been arrested. The prosecutor is building a case and it will be going to trial shortly I believe."

Mr. Flint nodded and said gently, "are you ok Spencer?"

I smiled at his obviously genuine concern, "I have my good and bad days, Ashley and music are what are keeping me going at the moment." I glanced over at her and saw her eyes shining with unshed tears. I lightly stroked the back of her hand with my thumb before turning back to face the men.

"Well that's to be expected, we are going to do whatever we can to help you through this. I have spoken to Collin and he will work to keep it out of the press as much as he can and he is also developing some contingencies should it get out. We want to spare you the pain of having this sprayed across the media," Mr. Flint explained.

We talked for a bit longer and as I walked hand in hand with Ashley to her Porsche I felt good. I really had people on my side, people who were fighting for me. How fucking lucky was I?