A/N: It's been a while . . . Enjoy!
37. A Positive
Tick … Tock … Tick … Tock …
The steady ticking of my watch beside my ear seemed to deliberately taunt me.
What are you doing here?
Having finished my work for some time, I'd placed my elbow on the desk, rested my cheek against my fist and contemplated that very question. Every time I'd asked myself it, my mind had drifted between the pages on my desk, to the pages in the book and back to the girl beside me.
I peered up to see her staring at her question sheet, biting down on her bottom lip.
"Need some help?" I whispered to Bella, trying to divert my thoughts and make my time in this classroom have some meaning.
"Please," she exhaled, offering me a grateful smile. Sitting up, she pulled her blanket of hair over her shoulder. "I'm stuck on the final question."
Scanning the classroom, and being more than happy to find Mr. Varner occupied with helping Monique (who I'd come to recognise as one of the strugglers), I pushed my chair closer to hers, smiled reassuringly and then began reading the question.
"I'm sure that you'll make it look easy," Bella added, when I moved to grab my pen.
I grinned and met her eyes, amused at her words.
"Well . . . probably, but it's certainly not an easy question. He did say it was meant to be a challenge." I peeked up to make sure that Varner had not moved.
"Challenges don't seem to be that challenging for you, though."
Bella's comment compelled me to return my eyes back to her face. I knew that she wasn't referring to just the Trigonometry.
It had been four days since she'd been introduced to the Cullens and those four days had been filled with her speculative and curious glances, mainly at Edward, particularly when I was close to him.
Bella's first day at Forks High had been very much the same as it was in Twilight. Jessica had instantly taken her under her wing, which I suspected was mostly due to her extroverted, inquisitive and ambitious nature, but also partly due to her desire to win my good favour. She just couldn't seem to stand the idea that someone wouldn't want to be her dear friend. Mike (thank God!), had transferred his attentions away from me and had quickly become infatuated with my supposed cousin. The only thing that had altered from the book, which seemed to be the source of Bella's consternation, was Edward's lack of interest and attentiveness towards her. He hadn't ignored her, but he hadn't sought out opportunities to converse with her or be in her vicinity. Bella had been the person to initiate conversation to try and subtly learn about the copper-haired Adonis, who, even I now had to admit, only had eyes for me – eyes that had increasingly turned more watchful as days passed, as if he were afraid I'd disappear. Unbeknownst to them, I'd overheard Jessica discuss the challenge of Edward's elusive and "weird" behaviour only yesterday in the lunch line with Bella and Angela. It didn't take long for me to realise that Jessica was purporting me to be the only one who had broken down his barriers and captured his interest and she was at a loss to understand how I had accomplished such a task. Bella's present contemplations seemed to mirror Jessica's.
My eyes did not shift from Bella's as I began to formulate a response.
"The key to three dimensional trigonometry questions is to get the perspective right." I looked down and began to draw a diagram to represent the worded problem on some loose paper. "If you look at the problem from the wrong angle, then some features will be harder to see – they'll stay hidden. If you approach it from the correct angle, however, the solution to the problem becomes clearer." I pushed the finished drawing towards Bella, wondering whether she'd comprehended my dual meaning, and quirked my mouth. I leaned over, wordlessly pointing out and adding the first step to the solution. "Can you see where to go from here?"
She stared at the page contemplatively, before biting down on her lip and nodding in affirmation.
"Hmm . . . I think so."
"Just remember, it's all about the right angle," I winked. Thankfully, Bella acknowledged my habitual pun with a small roll of her eyes, before turning her attention back to the page in front of her.
I soon moved back to my own work, pleased, at least, that Bella had understood some of my way of thinking. It didn't take long for me to notice Jessica, leaning in from Bella's right and eyeing me carefully, before asking how I'd explained the question.
I listened to the beginnings of Bella's explanation to Jessica and, having ascertained that she'd understood more than just my play on words, stood up and moved to submit my work to Mr. Varner, who was approaching his desk.
Unsurprisingly, he glared at me as I approached. Wordlessly, I handed over my paper. Our exchange would have been normal for us if he hadn't hesitated in accepting the page and addressed me in a tone that suggested he actually cared.
"You know, Miss Darling, sometimes the best way to help someone is to not directly give them any answers." His eyes looked over my shoulder in the direction of Bella and Jessica. "They'll learn more from making mistakes and discovering the solution for themselves." Our eyes connected as he took my paper from my hands. His words echoed in my head and it became apparent to me that such a lesson was not just constrained to the trigonometry classroom.
Had I given too much away to Bella? I hadn't given her any answers . . . but is it best to let her learn things for herself without any prompting?
Recognising credit where credit was due, I loosened my jaw as a response came to me.
"On that, sir, I think that we can . . . partially agree."
Mr. Varner raised his eyebrows, seemingly astonished. "Partially agree?"
"Yes. It's important to try and discover things for yourself and learn from your mistakes, but, even you must admit, that, at some point, we all need some guidance."
For instance, Mavis' guidance would be most welcome as the unused pages dwindle.
As the bell signalled the end of class, I found myself indicating to my paper still in his hands and, fuelled by a surprising amount of boldness, then decided to offer him some guidance.
"And, since you're still trying to challenge me; tomorrow, I wouldn't mind brushing up on some Inverse Trigonometry Integration, if you have some questions available. Otherwise, I could always help others try and understand the work. After all, Sir, through teaching we learn." I smiled.
His brow furrowed and his eyes hardened as my meaning was interpreted. I saw his jaw tense, before I moved back to my desk, collected my satchel, acknowledged a curious Jessica and Bella with a nod and then started the journey towards Chemistry – the one lesson that I didn't share with Bella.
I ran a taut hand through my hair, as what I'd just done replayed in my head. An uneasiness quickly descended over me, but it didn't last long.
I felt him fall into stride next to me, before I saw him.
"Well done," he said softly near my ear, prior to kissing my cheek and taking my hand.
A corridor away from the Chemistry lab door, I paused, moved to the side of the hallway and looked up to questioningly meet Edward's shining eyes.
"Really? I don't know what's come over me. I never would have had the audacity to say anything like that to someone older."
Edward raised his perfect eyebrow and I didn't have to have his mind reading abilities to understand the meaning of his expression.
"You guys don't count." Edward grinned and crossed his arms across his chest, appearing rather amused at my flustered rant. "To people who actually look like my elders, I may have thought the words, but I never would have said them."
Then something dawned on me.
"I've lost the ability to censor my thoughts, because you're always asking me to share them with you!" I said, repeatedly poking my finger into Edward's unmoving chest.
Tossing my head back, I huffed and leant back against the wall.
Edward's responding tone told me that his crooked grin was still in place.
"I respectfully disagree. I may ask you to share your thoughts, but I know that you do censor them."
My unamused eyes met his charmingly, smug expression.
"Censor this," I thought, "You stupid, know-it-all, too-hot-for-your-own good, vampire."
Edward's eyebrows shot up, before he inched closer to me and placed his hands on either side of my face, effectively trapping me against the wall.
He heard.
Under the watch of his darkened eyes, my heart was soon thrumming like a snare rather than a steady bass drum.
"I don't think that I need to point out the numerous contradictions in that little rant, do I?" he murmured. I barely shook my head before he kissed me.
My opposition to public displays of affection was nearly obliterated when Edward ended the kiss chastely, pulling away from me as a flood of students entered the hall from around a corner. However, the students' presence didn't draw his focus away from me. His tawny eyes fixed on mine, as if he were trying to memorise every speck of my irises, despite how superfluous such an action would be for someone with a perfect photographic memory. An expression that I'd recognised more and more as the week progressed flitted across his face and my mind finally was willing to acknowledge what it all meant.
Your time here is ending. He has the book. He knows that there aren't many blank pages left.
A lump formed in my throat and then it was I who was trying to commit him to memory. My watery eyes didn't help, though.
What are you doing here, Audrey?
"You had better get to Chemistry."
Resignedly, I nodded, as Edward's words put an end to my contemplations.
He brought his cool hand to my cheek, before moving it down my arm to take my hand. His grip tensed slightly as some more students walked past. Curious, I followed their movements and caught one of them holding a bloodied tissue to their fingertip. Others were examining what seemed to be their own bandaged fingertips.
"Blood typing . . ." the words left my lips without thought, as a whole wave of possibilities cascaded through my mind.
"Yes." Edward's voice shifted my eyes away from the students and my thoughts back to his now inquiring face. "I was going to tell you in the lunch break. It's best that-"
"- you don't go to Biology," I finished, knowingly.
Edward nodded. I smiled.
"You, understandably, don't want to get yourself into a bloody mess."
He rolled his eyes. I just grinned and continued following the path my mind had quickly envisioned.
"… And I don't want to, either."
Edward appeared curious of my intentions the moment I reached for his hand and intimated that we should walk in the opposite direction to the Chemistry Lab. He stayed fixed in his place, matching my quizzical eyebrow with one of his own.
"Well, are you going to follow me before I lose my nerve, or what?"
He stepped closer to me, as a few more students hurried past, eyeing me all the more incredulously.
"Am I to understand that you, Audrey Darling, want to ditch class?" The words that he left unspoken were conveyed in his stare. Will you regret this?
I tensed and bit down on my lip, momentarily questioning my decision, before, just like the mechanisms of a clock, a gear clicked into place and I realised that I had to get my priorities in order – priorities that included making the most of my time in Forks and living each day as if it were going to be my last. The thing that was now strikingly obvious was that I would regret an afternoon spent in Science labs instead of an afternoon spent in Edward's company.
"Audrey?"
I smirked as the perfect response to Edward's questioning came to mind.
"Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's healthy to ditch class now and then?"
Gilded eyes seemed to study my expression, before I was being guided down the hall in my intended direction.
"Why do I have the feeling that you're using my own words against me?" he asked as we moved towards the hall that led to the office and the car park.
"Am I really using them against you?" I challenged, amusedly, adrenalin coursing through me. "If you don't want to spend time with me . . ." I started to shrug, but Edward stilled my movements, dragging his thumb softly down my jaw and over my lips, just before we walked past the office door. His eyes held mine, forcefully.
"I always will want to spend time with you. I just don't want you to regret spending time with me."
"I won't," I mouthed.
Seeming to accept that, he returned his hand to his side and his expression turned playful.
"Do your acting skills extend beyond poor femme fatale impressions?"
I groaned as the embarrassing memories of Edward's and my conservation in the car came to the forefront of my mind. Thankfully, it seemed that I was going to be presented with an opportunity to redeem myself.
"I hope so. Why?"
It didn't take long for Edward to conspiratorially relay his thoughts.
-()-()-()-
Before I knew it, I found myself moving towards Edward's Volvo, clutching my stomach, with Edward's hand lightly touching my back. A sign-out slip - which Edward had easily acquired from Mrs Cope after my visit to the school nurse - was secured in my satchel. I glanced up at him, a small smile on my lips, as my mind pondered the power of his persuasive abilities.
Noticing my stare as he opened the car door for me, he asked, his eyes bright, "You're not regretting your decision, are you?"
I shook my head and slowly lowered myself into the car, conscious of eyes that could be watching. When Edward joined me and turned on the ignition, I rid myself of any remnants of my "sick" façade.
"If I did regret it, I'm sure that you could come up with some sort of reason why I miraculously recovered from my bout of diarrhoea. By the way, couldn't you have come up with something a little less embarrassing?"
His laughter danced around us, as he drove us out of the school grounds. "Technically, I only said that you'd had an upset stomach. You decided to add that detail."
"I had to when I saw Mrs Cope's eyebrows raise as if she was putting one and one together and getting something much bigger than two!" I pressed, which put a stop to Edward's merriment at my expense.
"You understood what was going through her head?" he questioned with intense curiosity and what seemed to be a hint of incredulity.
"I'm pretty sure that I did . . . yes," I said slowly, suddenly starting to doubt my earlier presumptions. Edward's crisp glance in my direction entreated me to continue.
"She thought that I had morning sickness, didn't she?"
I waited, my patience wearing thin, as Edward continued to look directly ahead. A twitch of his lips was my only hint that he'd heard me.
"You should trust your instincts," he eventually said, drawing the car to a stop to give way to another vehicle.
So I was right.
My internal thoughts seemed insignificant when I became more aware of how Edward had confirmed my suspicions. There had been no lightness to his tone, which increased my concern.
"What's wrong?"
Silence settled around us until he pulled the car to a stop in Charlie's driveway a minute later.
His golden eyes honed in on mine, once again, seemingly searching for something.
"You truly do perplex me, Audrey," he began. My mouth dried and my heart thrummed all the more with what I sensed was his scrutiny. "One moment you don't seem to care about any consequence, as if this world has suddenly become disposable to you, and in another instance you're concerned for your reputation."
I contemplated how to word the complex deliberations that had begun to plague me.
You need to make him understand.
"I do care about consequences, Edward. That's precisely why I'm here with you right now," I exhaled and ran a hand through my hair. "I can tell by the way you've been looking at me that the pages left are getting dangerously low. I . . . I don't want to think of not making the most of them. . . I don't want them to be marred with having to deal with gossip and rumours. I just want them to be filled with you and everything that comes from being with you. I want them to be about us."
I reached for his hand.
"And just to make it clear, I care more about your reputation than mine. If my time here does come to an end, I don't want people here thinking that you fathered my child and then made me disappear," I said with drama, before smirking. "It would be too much like an episode of Law and Order SVU."
Edward, looking down at our joined hands, finally grinned, but it didn't carry its usual sincerity. I squeezed his hand when he continued to keep his thoughts to himself.
"Hey, sometimes it helps to laugh about things."
When Edward looked up, it was rather obvious that my attempts to lighten the mood had been unsuccessful. His expression could only be described as one of longing and it made my chest ache.
"What are you thinking?" I prodded.
There was a hesitancy to his response - a vulnerability that I was unaccustomed to seeing from him.
"That I wish I could be a normal boyfriend for you . . . that I could make sure that you didn't disappear . . . that I could offer you a normal life."
The weight of what he was saying settled in my stomach.
"You'd want that with me?" I whispered.
Edward brought his free hand to my cheek.
"Yes. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet . . . you weren't here."
I felt my eyes tingle and my jaw tighten as he continued.
"You are my life now, Audrey. . . Selfishly, I want everything with you - however impossible it may be." I closed my eyes, as his forehead rested against mine, and breathed in his unique cologne. "If there were any way for me to become human for you . . . to never be without you — no matter what the price was, I would pay it."
Overwhelmed by his admission, my conscience immediately engaged in a tug-o-war and I pulled away. He looked at me and I could sense that, through his stoic expression, he was hiding his unease at my reaction.
Tell him, Audrey.
"What if you could have a . . . a family – your own family - without having to change?"
Edward's brow furrowed.
I swallowed, knowing what I had to admit.
"In the story, you and Bella . . . you have a daughter."
For the first time since I'd known him, Edward truly appeared stunned.
"That's not possible," he said to himself, shaking his heard. "Vampires can't conceive, Audrey."
"No, but a human female can with a male vampire."
He sat back in his seat and looked beyond me, seemingly turning inward. My mouth went dry as I waited for him to speak.
"Was Bella my wife?"
His eyes returned to me and implored me to share everything that I knew with him.
"Yes," I exhaled. "She fell pregnant on your honeymoon. You had to turn her after she gave birth."
He leaned forward, almost touching the steering wheel, and pinched the bridge of his nose. Given his posture, I could easily see the self-castigations crossing his thoughts. Slowly, I reached for his arm.
"Hey."
He released his nose, turned his head to the right and met my eyes. He looked like a man carrying the weight of a guilty conscience.
"Will you stop condemning yourself and stop looking with reproach at decisions that you haven't even made, yet."
He released some of his ire in subdued tones.
"I'm critical of my ability to even make such choices." He looked out the windscreen. "What was I thinking?!"
"That you loved her. That you wanted to have a life with her. That you would do what she wanted, despite how challenging it would be for you." I garnered his attention, once more. "You always ask me why I have faith in you – why I believe that you won't hurt me." Something within my chest stirred me to speak truths that I'd never shared before. "It's because I know your capabilities – I know your strength – and I'm not talking about qualities that developed because you were injected with vampire venom." I raised my hand and brushed some hair away from his forehead. "I'm talking about qualities that stem from here" – I grazed my fingers across his temple – "and here." I let my hand rest against his heart. "Qualities that are truly immortal."
Edward held still and his glistening eyes looked upon me tenderly. When he placed his left hand over mine, rested his right hand against my cheek and kissed my forehead, a sensation grew upwards from my stomach and into my chest. Opening my eyes to find him staring at me made me feel truly adored.
"What am I thinking, now?"
I looked at him peculiarly.
"They're your thoughts," I countered. "Why don't you enlighten me?"
He grinned at me.
"You seemed to know before and I liked the words that followed."
I felt my cheeks warm. "I meant every word."
"I know." He grazed his thumb languidly against the back of my hand. "And I mean it when I say that ditching class has been very healthy."
I smiled and shook my head.
"That's easy for you to say. You didn't have to deal with stomach cramps and a case of diarrhoea."
Edward chuckled and, after I blinked, reappeared on my right side, holding the car door open. He continued to hold my hand after I'd exited the car, collected my satchel and then led me towards the front steps, only releasing it when I began to unlock the door. As I led us into the hall and then through to the kitchen, I decided to continue with the light-hearted atmosphere.
"Even though the whole test would be pointless, maybe I should have just gone in and pricked my finger."
Before I knew it, Edward's arms encircled my waist and held my back to his chest.
"I can't condone pointless bloodshed," he whispered near my ear, sending tingles down my spine. He let me turn around to face him.
"Particularly blood of the highest grade," I remarked.
"I would expect nothing less than an A plus from you, Miss Darling," he said, pushing some hair behind my ear. I moved my hands to his shoulders and pushed up on my tiptoes.
"You have high expectations, Mr. Cullen."
He moved his face mere millimetres away from mine.
"I've learned that you shouldn't be underestimated."
I closed my eyes as his cool lips connected with mine and relished in the knowledge that, this time, no students would walk in from around the corner.
"You shouldn't be underestimated, either," I whispered when we broke apart, running my hands down from his shoulders to his hands.
He seemed to look at me with hunger.
"I think that you're overestimating my self-control."
My stomach growling interrupted the moment and made us focus on feeding me. We soon found ourselves sitting next to each other on the couch in the lounge area. Edward did most of the talking, while I consumed some microwaved leftovers.
"I asked Alice to give Bella the keys to your car during the lunch break. She didn't seem too pleased that I was monopolising your time."
I swallowed my last mouthful of pasta and placed the empty bowl on the coffee table.
"Did you do that while I was speaking with the nurse?"
Edward nodded and draped his arm across my shoulders, encouraging me to lean into him. I felt him sigh. Peering up, I found him gazing at me sadly.
"I don't think that I can live in a world where you don't exist, Audrey," he explained, noticing my concern.
Tears prickled my eyes, but I kept them at bay. I didn't know what to say.
"If you leave when the pages end, I will feel as though I've lost half of myself," Edward continued.
I wrapped my arms around his torso and rested my head against his unmoving chest.
"If I leave?" I questioned, my voice thick. He didn't answer me directly. "Edward?"
He pulled out a vibrating mobile phone from his pocket and hastily answered.
"Yes, Alice."
He stared at me with disappointment filling his eyes, as he listened to the phone against his ear.
"Thank you," he said, signalling the end to the conversation, before replacing the phone in his pocket and concentrating solely on me.
"Charlie was called to pick up Bella from school and they're driving here now. Alice was advising me to leave before they get here."
I nodded, expressing that I understood. "Bella probably fainted in Biology. She doesn't like blood." I could see the question cross Edward's mind, so I continued, "The irony isn't lost on me, either."
Helping me stand, Edward kissed me, rather tensely, before brushing his fingers down my cheek.
"I'll come back tonight."
I held his hand before he could move away.
"Just so you know, I don't regret this afternoon." I smiled. "The time was well spent."
A current moved between us until he let go.
"I love you," he said.
A second later, I heard him start the car and drive away.
I love you, too.
Walking to the window, the vacant driveway confirmed what I'd heard, but it didn't stay vacant for very long. Edward's haste was explained by the arrival of Charlie with Bella, who did appear to be paler than usual as Charlie tried to help her out of the car. I moved to open the door, hearing their voices grow louder, but stopped when another absence caught my eye. The photo of my Mum, Dad and I, whose home had been on a small table in the lounge room, was no longer in its position. I spun around on the spot and searched the room to see if it had been moved, yet nothing else was out of place or gone. I stilled just in time to hear Bella and Charlie move into the hall.
"I'm going to make myself a coffee," Charlie said, his voice growing more distant the further he moved into the kitchen. "Would you like something, Bells?"
"Maybe some water. I'm just going to sit down, Dad." As she was answering, she moved into the room and arched an eyebrow my way when she saw me. She remained that way for a while.
"Feeling better?" she finally asked caustically, taking the seat that Edward had recently occupied. I didn't answer straight away.
"A little. Better than you, it seems. Blood-typing?" I asked, sinking into the couch beside her.
"Yes," she breathed, closing her eyes. "Perhaps I should have followed your lead."
"Followed whose lead?" Charlie's voice came from behind us. I sat up and peeked over the back of the couch to find him moving towards us with a glass of water. He seem to startle when he caught my eyes.
Hadn't Bella told him that I'd come home?
"Hi, Uncle Chuck," I greeted, trying to calm him, but he seemed more taken aback and more puzzled.
"Who's your friend, Bella?"
My heart stopped.
Something's very wrong.
Bella looked disconcertingly at Charlie.
"Dad, it's Audrey," she answered as if it was the most obvious thing.
I swallowed back the lump that had formed in my throat and asked the question that my instincts already knew the answer to, "You don't remember me, Chief Swan?"
Bella swiftly moved her eyes from Charlie to me in what appeared to be sheer disbelief.
Charlie stared at me for what felt like an age, before he admitted, "I'm sorry, but I don't . . . and how did you get in here?"
I don't know.
"I let her in when you were in the kitchen, Dad. I told you that my friend from Phoenix was coming to visit me, didn't I?" Bella interjected, looking at me to get me to play along. "You would have met her on one of our meet ups in California."
Charlie eyed me carefully, before his expression softened. "Sorry, girls, my memory is failing me. Audrey was it?"
I nodded, fighting to hold back tears.
"Well, it's nice to meet you," he said uncomfortably. I could only nod once again. "I . . . um . . . I'm going to go grab that coffee."
As soon as Charlie had left the room, Bella turned on me.
"Tell me what's going on, Audrey."
I felt my face grow damp with the trails of tears that finally fell free from my eyes.
"I'm leaving," I choked, before pushing myself up and running up the stairs to the sanctuary of what had been my room. Closing the door behind me, I slid down to the floor and wrapped my arms around my raised knees, struggling to dull the pain in my chest.
As I rocked back and forth, I tried to justify Charlie's memory loss with anything over than what I knew it to mean, but I couldn't. I had to accept it.
But why didn't Bella forget you?
The night was coming.
My Twilight was coming to an end . . . Was Bella's just beginning?
A/N: Lots to talk about, right? I love reading your reviews. They truly do motivate me to keep writing this.
Did you enjoy Audrey being a bit rebellious?
What did you think to Edward finding out about some of the events of Breaking Dawn?
The end of this chapter was sad to write. Were you ready to say goodbye to Uncle Chuck?
On A Positive note, what was your favourite part of the chapter?
Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Karry.