I've come back to this story after a bit of a gap, there was such a lack of Daryl goodness in the first half of the new series I was stuck for inspiration (which is ridiculous). Anyway I hope you enjoy this and please let me know what you think if you can. Happy New Year.

Walking the Wasteland to the Lighthouse

The pearly dawn rose over the treeline; sleep had eluded most and faces were drawn and pale. Essie lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply.

The bodies had been moved to the graveyard, one more reverentially than the others. She watched as Rick led Morgan towards the house that served as a cell and blew out a stream of smoke. She rubbed her hand over her face, she was so tired and she ached down to her bones.

The night had been spent in a blur of panic and then a blur of grief for everyone. The gate had been secured and the town searched to see if any more walkers had got in; all this had been done in relative silence because no one had any words left.

"Looks like we're clear." said Maggie, sitting down beside her. Essie nodded but was too tired to speak.

"What happens now?" Maggie asked, staring at Essie who drew hard on the cigarette.

"We just keep going, what else is there to do? It's not like we can ask the apocalypse to hold on for two minutes whilst we get ourselves together."

"How can you be so cold? Reg is dead!" She had never seen Maggie look angry.

"I have to be cold! You can't give in. Yes, Reg is dead; but so are millions of other people and there is no one left to mourn them!" Essie's voice began to rise and other people stopped to look at the two women. Maggie stood up but Essie did the same and grabbed her arm.

"You can waste time and cry over those that didn't make it but I would rather fight to keep the rest of us alive. Grief is a weakness! And when you're weak, you die! Lawrence was weak and he's dead, Noah's dead, your sister's dead…" Maggie slapped Essie and she stopped, reaching up to where the hand had landed.

"Stop. Just stop." Maggie didn't shout, she whispered and that's why Essie didn't react. She watched as the other woman walked away; she picked up the dropped cigarette and drew in deeply.

Rick came down the steps of the house, leaving Morgan locked in the room, and saw the exchange but knew better than to interfere. People needed to work out what had happened and if they needed to fight it out then who was he to stop it. He made his way towards the graveyard.

Essie was angry, again. She knew she was right, they didn't have time to grieve! Why couldn't anyone but she see that? She became the monster because she could see the truth. She'd seen the truth about Pete, she'd told people about him and no one had listened and now Reg was dead but there was no time to think about it because something was coming. She hoped to God it wasn't going to be today or tomorrow but they had no time; they needed to be fortifying the town, setting patrols, watching the trees.

She walked past the church and saw Sasha, hollow eyed, coming out. She nodded to her and then headed to the tower, if Sasha was in the church there would be no one on guard. How had these people survived for so long when they couldn't even organise guard duty properly? What was it going to take for these people to wake the fuck up?

Essie climbed the tower wearily and set up the scope. The sun shone incongruously and a few clouds drifted in the blue; she settled into a more comfortable position and watched the road.

"I'm going to be in this house when it burns down." she thought.

Rick looked at Deanna as she stared at the bodies.

"Let the trees have him." she said and walked away.

They loaded the body into the car and Morgan slammed it shut. Rick drove through the gate and made sure it was shut after them, he waved to Essie up in the tower and she signalled back. He felt a little better leaving the town, even for a short time, knowing Essie was there.

She'd been up in the tower for 3 hours when she heard the door open. She looked up and was surprised to see Sasha.

"Hey" she said.

"Hey" replied Sasha and sat down next to her. Essie had never really spoke to Sasha, she knew she'd lost her brother before they'd arrived in Alexandria and had recognised the pain and anger, Sasha was too familiar for Essie.

"Have you come to relieve me?" she asked but Sasha didn't reply so Essie kept quiet.

"I like it up here, makes me feel like I have some control." Sasha said eventually, "Killing the walkers, clearing them, I could keep count. It wasn't enough. I thought I was dead and my body just hadn't caught up yet."

"And now?" asked Essie, looking through the scope not at the woman next to her.

"I think I'm getting better. Maggie made me see things clearly."

"Since yesterday?" Essie asked incredulously and Sasha stiffened.

"I'm not saying that's not the truth" Essie continued quickly, "it's just that complete change rarely happens and it's even rarer after just one conversation."

"Yeah well maybe I just needed a push in the right direction." Sasha snapped back.

"Hey whatever you need to make it through. I'm not saying it's not real I'm just saying it might be an idea to check you can walk before you can run."

"Like you do?" Sasha looked hard.

"Believe me when I say I'm not the poster child for healthy decision making."

"No, you're not. Which is why you need to watch your mouth when you talk to people like Maggie. If you ever say things like that to her again, you and I have got a problem." Essie and Sasha stared at each other. If they had been in the Wild West, the town's folk would be rushing their children inside and banging the shutters closed.

Essie took breath and nodded, "You're right, it was a low blow and I shouldn't have said it." Sasha accepted this and the town's folk breathed a sigh of relief and opened the saloon again.

Essie climbed down from the tower and made her way over to the gate. One of the Alexandrians was on duty.

"Can you watch the gate for me? I just need to go back home?" the woman asked with a look of desperation on her face.

"Sure" Essie sighed and watch the woman trot back to her house. She leant against the fence and closed her eyes and then opened them again, it wouldn't do her reputation much good if she fell asleep on guard duty. She pulled a cigarette out of the packet and lit it.

"They give you cancer." said a small voice, Essie turned to see Caitlin staring at her with an inscrutable look on her face. Essie's heart sank, she would rather face a herd of walkers than this.

"Caitlin I…" she began but the child interrupted.

"Shut up! You just shut up. You said you wouldn't leave us and you did. You left without even saying goodbye!"

"I said I wouldn't leave you unless I had to and I had to leave." Essie tried to keep her voice low.

"You're a liar, you could've taken us with you. You could've taken me with you! And then you came back but didn't even bother coming to get us. I hate you! And now Reg is dead and it's all your fault!" Caitlin was screaming and crying, Essie tried to hold her to calm her down but the child scratched and clawed at her. People came out of their houses to see what was happening.

Essie finally managed to grab Caitlin and pin her arms to her side.

"Listen! I did what I had to do and I would do it again! I…I should have come to see you when I came back but I didn't because I was scared." Caitlin stopped twisting and kicking and stared at her. Essie let her go.

"You were scared? Of what?" she asked.

"I was scared of you. What you think of me is more important than virtually anything else and I knew I'd let you down so…I was scared of seeing you again." Essie thought that the truth was better than anything else.

"But you're not scared of anything." Caitlin searched her face, trying to find the lie but couldn't.

"Well I'm scared at the thought of losing you and your brother."

Essie held her breath as the war raged inside Caitlin until the child sagged and rushed into Essie's arms. She picked her up and held her very tightly whilst Caitlin cried and gripped her neck.

"Don't go again, please! Don't go."

"If I do, I'll take you and Finn with me." Essie hoped she wasn't lying.

Rosita and Maggie arrived, along with the Michael family who had been looking after Caitlin and Finn.

"Everything ok?" asked Rosita and Essie nodded still holding Caitlin. She was nearly knocked on her arse when Finn barrelled into her and wrapped himself around her legs. She picked him up by the back of his shirt and held him beside his sister. Most of the others had come to see what was happening. Maggie smiled at Essie who mouthed 'sorry' and smiled back

"That is a shit load of child that woman is holding." mused Abraham.

It was agreed that Caitlin and Finn should remain with the Michaels until Essie could get another room sorted but they could visit anytime they wanted.

Essie watched them as they headed back to the house and felt her heart grow a little lighter as Caitlin kept looking back and waving but then she caught sight of Deanna standing on her porch. She'd grown to care deeply for Reg and had only known him a matter of weeks; Deanna had been married to him for decades. She could only imagine the depths of her grief. She heard a car engine and pulled the shutters aside to see Rick and Morgan returned safely, she opened the gate and they rolled through.

"You see anything out there?" she asked.

"Nothin' but a few walkers and trees." Rick said.

The spotter watched the car drive away and radioed back to camp.

"They're on the move, tell Yellow Team to watch for them heading east."

Night blanketed the town and Essie lit another cigarette in the light of the storm lamp turned down low. It was raining again; lightening cracked the clouds and veined them with light. She poured the whisky into a glass and raised it in the solitude of her room.

"All grief to refrain, for we may and might never meet here again, here's a health to the company." and downed the glass. She ran her hands through her hair and poured another shot. The knock on her door made her jump.

She opened it to see Daryl standing in the rain.

Essie poured him a glass and watched him light a cigarette.

"Bad night." she said and he nodded.

"Morgan the guy who patched you up after the warehouse?" he asked.

"Yeah but I only learnt his name a couple of days ago. I had no idea he knew Rick."

"He a good guy?" the smoke curled in the air.

"I think so. He could've left me to die. But I've decided to wait to make a judgement on new people." and Daryl nodded and drank some whisky.

"What are your thoughts on the people who set the trap?" she asked and was surprised when Daryl sat back and rubbed his hand over his eyes.

"I thought I was dead, I was ready to die and give Aaron a chance." Essie's eyes went wide but she didn't say anything.

"He told me I was the reason he brought us back to Alexandria. He said he knew I was a good man." He took another mouthful of whisky.

"I ain't never thought of myself like that."

"Maybe you should start?" Essie said but Daryl remained quiet. She refilled his glass and topped up her own. Outside, the rain got heavier and the thunder rumbled.

"We should've kept looking for the guy in the red poncho." he rasped and Essie was bright enough to keep silent.

"I thought 'bout you when we were trapped in that car. Part of me thought I should go cos I didn't have nothin' to lose but then I thought 'bout you and I wanted to make it out of there alive."

"You thought you had nothing to lose?" Essie turned to face him, "You really thought that? You didn't think that maybe Rick couldn't do this without you? That Carol might disagree with you? The others who look to you when everyone else has failed them?"

"I thought 'bout you." he repeated, his eyes glittered in the half light and Essie couldn't look away.

"If you died I would carry on fighting, surviving and I wouldn't break but…you can't live for me, that's too big a burden to put on anyone." She looked away from him, frightened.

"I ain't livin' for you. I wanted to make it outta there to see you again, you're the difference between survivin' and livin'." Essie shifted, uncomfortable with this change in control.

"You make me sound like Las Vegas." she said.

"Sounds right to me. You gotta be smart and lucky in Vegas." His voice was so low it was almost hidden by the rain and she felt her blood heat up.

"But if you've got nothing left to lose, Las Vegas would get pretty dull." she answered.

"Or you're in the right place at the right time." Essie's toes curled involuntarily as his voice went straight through her; she tried to hold herself back but was lost before the battle had really begun. She leant over him and moved the hair out of his eyes.

"Right now seems like the right time." and trailed her hands down his arms, his breath caught in his throat and she pushed herself over him, digging her fingers into his shoulders.

The thunder rumbled over the town. The lightening picked out a figure watching the gate through night vision goggles but nobody saw them.