Because I Once Loved You

"Mommy!"

Kakashi frowned at the little blond boy who hugged and hid behind Tsunade's legs. Mommy? He mouthed with befuddlement inking every features of his face. The boy had the shade of Tsunade's hair, but possessed daunting black beady eyes of innocence. He peered a little bit past Tsunade's legs and blushed when their glances caught, and hid again.

"You have a child?" He innocently asked, still frowning at the situation that befell on them.

Tsunade's blank stare suddenly darkened into a sinister glare. Her lips pursed with dismay and her brows burrowed together. He was joking, right? Did she have a child, she internally scoffed. After the dozen phonecalls she's made, he's still going to question the presence of her - their - child?! What complete and utter bullshit! Flames burned behind her honey eyes and she scoffed openly at the father of her child. "What a question to ask..."

Hiroki looked out again at the mysterious silver-haired man who grew more and more clueless. Suddenly, he appeared from his mother's legs and tottered to him with curiosity. Within a feet from him, he glanced up and waved at the towering man. "...'Ello." he greeted with a natural pout, his beady eyes shining at the man's dulled pair. "Are you my 'addy?"

Kakashi was immediately taken aback by the sudden question. Did the child not have a father? He glanced back at the paled Tsunade whose fangs were blunted from the sudden action her son did. Gently, he knelt down and stroked his child's cheek before he ran his hand through his soft hair. "No, I'm not, kid." he replied softly, enraging Tsunade further more. "You look like your mommy, don't you?"

The child nodded with pride. "Mommy is really, really, really purty."

"Purty?" He repeated back. "She is, isn't she?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes in exasperation. Quickly, she took long strides and knelt down on the ground with Kakashi, drawing her son away from his hold. "Hiro-kun, do you wanna play?" she asked gently with feigned zest in her voice. Hiroki nodded with excitement and she picked him up from the ground and held him close to her chest. "How about we go back to mommy's office and you can play with your toys?"

"Yeah!" Hiroki said brightly, smiling widely.

Before she could escape the predicament that God dug her into, Kakashi softly took hold of her free hand and tugged her back. Irritation bled into the burning flames in her eyes when she looked back at him. "What?" she sharply hissed through her teeth, startling him at her potent animosity.

"Have I done something to you that I'm not aware off?"

"Figure it out yourself, Kakashi!" Tsunade spat back, releasing her hand from his. "I am sick and tired of always initiating the conversation! It's about time you grow up and figure out what you have done."

"I thought we left things with a mutual understanding."

"We didn't leave things as good as you thought! For many years, I have struggled to find stability in my life and I have tried to reach out to you, but you just ignored me. Now I know why, you've moved on. You disposed of me like I were nothing. All those sweet words you said were a bunch of trash, weren't they. To butter me up? So you could just pry into my life and sleep with me? Isn't that why?"

"You are twisting what we were."

"I am done with you manipulative men - with your money and extravaganza. You think you can just do anything you'd like."

"Tsuande... I am not like that. Just tell me why you're acting like this, please!"

"I'm done. I've got work to do." She whipped her body back and walked off with her son in her arms. As she walked away from the father of her child, she bit her bottom lip to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. Why did that man have to show up? In the way he did - claiming to be innocent with the matter. Her heart hurt, she couldn't find the strength to breathe. Slowly, she let Hiroki back on his feet and sank down on the floor, holding herself tight.

Hiroki looked at his distressed mother and placed his small hand on her head, stroking it the way she would often stroke his head. He began to sniffle, but he held his own tears by balling his hand into a small fist. Tsunade looked up at her own son who was beginning to cry in front of her. Quickly, she reached out and wiped his tears away from his eyes.

"Why are you crying, Hiro-kun?" she asked gently.

He sniffed, but the tears didn't stop. "...'Cause, 'Cause... Mommy is sad."

Tsunade hugged him as tightly as she could. Her son was simply a gentle being. "Mommy is fine, don't worry. Mommy is always fine when she's with you." She kissed the crown of his head. "Because you're Mommy's happiness, okay?"

Hiroki nodded. "But... Daddy."

"What about Daddy?" Tsunade felt herself swallow for what was to come.

Her son didn't say more, but merely pointed. She looked over her shoulder and saw Kakashi staring down at her with sympathy and mirrored grief. He helped her back up on her feet and didn't release her hand from his grip. "Let me make it right with you..." he proposed. "Please. Tell me what I've done, Tsunade."

Hiroki leaned against Kakashi's leg and gestured for him to pick him up by stretching his arms out. Almost willingly, he picked up him and had him resting him on his forearm, as his tiny arms latching around his neck. The blond boy nestled against his neck and smiled at his tearing mother. Tsunade has wanted to see Kakashi hold their son since he was born, and here it was happening at the most importuned moment.

She couldn't help but take her eyes off the ring that was around his finger. "M-Maybe your wife is waiting for you..." she spoke reluctantly.

"I'm not married yet." He faintly smiled. "But I am engaged - last weekend - with Mei."

Carefully, she took Hiroki away from his arms. "Please... just go. I don't want to do this again with you."

"Tsunade," he softly said. "I want to make things work with you."

For the first time since they met each other again, Tsunade looked at him with the sincere emotions she held inside her. Her eyes finally released the tears that long since welled up. "...You can't."

"Wh-W-What do you mean?"

"It's been nearly three years, Kakashi!" She cried openly. "I've waited for you - I've always waited for you! I can't keep doing that. Not now."

He looked at her and the boy who was suckling on his thumb, with such shame.

"I loved you." Tsunade carried on with her voice shaking like a leaf in the wind. "I loved you more than I've ever loved anyone. And I have forgiven you more than anyone else. But not this time... this, I cannot forgive."

"Please..."

"Take your leave, Kakashi." She simply said, turning on her heels to walk away again.

The silver-haired man's hands fell by his sides and he was left speechless beyond comprehension. Everything had spiraled too fast, that his mind still couldn't wrap itself around the situation. Tsunade's tears tore him up inside. She's been hurting for a long time by the looks of it. And that boy in her arms, quietly suckling on his thumb, struck a nerve inside his very being. His eyes struck him.

Was he...?

Surely not.

Kakashi began to trace his steps back.

Hiroki surely isn't his son.

If only he could deny that fact with such confidence. It's also been three years since they last slept together. Since... he left her. He gritted his teeth and threw himself against the wall in frustration, biting the bottom part of his lip until it bled. He thought he could come here to find a sense of reassurance with Tsunade - that they were still okay. He thought he could take her out to a short break to a nearby cafe and laugh about the old times and confide in each other with their relationships.

However, he found revelation instead of resolution.

Tsunade has a son who was almost three. She was alone and bitter and... hurt. So incredibly hurt.

He clutched at his shirt as he felt his heart sink deeper than he could begin to fathom. The way she accused him off being false with his fondness towards her - his genuine attraction and care - struck to him like a blunt knife forcing its way into his heart. The pain was not instant nor was it subsiding... It felt jagged and awfully slow with its tears and burns inside him.

He held the bridge of his nose, sighing out a cracked sob.

"Kakashi-san..." a soft voice asked.

He opened one eye and saw Akihiko's assistant looking at him innocently. "What is it?" he croaked.

"Shall I lead out?"

"...Sure. Why the hell not."

Kakashi arrived back into his penthouse the following day, weary with his eyes red-rimmed with the lack of sleep he had throughout the flight. His breath stunk with alcohol and the darkness under his eyes were prominent against his light complexion. He entered the premise and threw his bags carelessly on the couch, grabbing himself another glass of scotch to drink.

"Oh my god, you're back!" Mei shrieked, charging up to him and ravishing him with kisses. "I've missed you."

He drew back from her wave of affection and headed straight to the bedroom, kicking his shoes off in disarray before he sat down on the edge of the bed. As he drank his scotch, he looked up at his soon-to-be bride and pursed his lips at the sudden thought he had light up in his brain. "Can I ask you something?" he asked as gentle and patient as he could muster.

"What is it?" She leaned against the doorframe in a seductive manner, showing off her skin underneath her silken bathrobe.

"For the past three years, did Tsunade call or tried to get in touch with me?" His blood-shot eyes looked through her with mild accusation. He bowed his head immediately as he shot the accusation. He gripped the glass in his hands and gritted his teeth, resuming to sob in frustration. "Answer me, Mei..."

She could feel her heart breaking at the sight of Kakashi clenching his jaw together, trying to keep himself together when all it is he wanted to do was break. Should she tell him the truth? That Tsunade was pregnant and she would cry over the phone, begging for him to at least attend her son's first birthday - to visit and get to know him. Mei knew, she knew, Tsunade still loved him. There's no way in hell she would just allow him to visit their son in a platonic level.

She was single... and at that time, Kakashi was not properly devoted to her.

"Not that I'm aware of." she finally said, shaking her head innocently. "Why would you ask this?"

"Because I saw her... and her son. I didn't notice it then - but as I look back... I can't help but think that I'm the father of that child."

Mei walked towards their bed and cuddled up against him, kissing his neck and leaned her cheek against the slope of his shoulder. "It could have been anybody's child. You haven't seen Tsunade in three years. God knows if she's had other suitors in the past that walked out on her."

Kakashi confided in the comfort she provided and nodded plainly. "Yeah... you're probably right."

"If you were the father, she would have told you."

He held cupped her hand and smiled crookedly. "...Yeah."

"So don't beat yourself up about it." she kissed his cheek to reassure him further. "That boy is most likely not yours."

Lithely, she kissed his jawline before she kissed him deeply on the lips, unbuttoning his shirt. Instead of complying, Kakashi picked her up and threw her flat on the bed, wiping the sensation of her heated kiss of passion. With a shake of disapproval, he took several steps away from her. "I'm not in the mood, Mei. I-I-I still need to clear my head."

"Let me clear it for you." She gave him the come-hither look with a coy smirk.

Kakashi took his drink and left the room without looking back. As he wandered deeper into the penthouse, he reflected on what Tsunade had told him so adamantly. How she had loved him more than anyone else. He rested his chin on the back of his hand, on the marbled kitchen table. If he had told her that he also loved her then, that he wanted her for himself; would she have left Dan for him without any hesitation?

Would she still be as lonely as she would be now?

...As broken?

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

There also came a time when he truly loved her, as well.

The memory is distant and the feeling is faint, but he relished it well in his heart.

"Are you telling me the rich, hot guy pretended to be ignorant to the fact that he was the father of this cute little munchkin?!" Anko gasped out in surprise, playing with Hiroki's cheeks as he was propped on her lap. Tsunade frowned at her friend's small attention span. However, Anko caught her eyes of despair and immediately stopped messing up her son's looks. "Why didn't you just tell him? Maybe he doesn't know."

"Oh please!" Tsunade scoffed. "He still lives in the same penthouse - and he still has the same phone number!"

"Why didn't you just call his company and patch him to you?"

"And leave a voicemail for anybody else to hear? No thanks."

"Tsunade... you should hear him out. Let him voice his reason of why he has been absent these past two years and 11 months."

The blonde massaged her temple and sighed again. "...No, Anko. I'm tired of excuses. I'm tired of men trying to give me the runaround!"

"Like this Akihiko guy? Who is blatantly showing affection on you?" Anko sarcastically asked. "Give one of these guys a chance! That Akihiko guy may not be as bad as you'd believe. Maybe he's an angel to be around, and a devil in bed." she gave a mischievous grin that suggested more things that Tsunade was used to.

Immediately she struck her friend and gestured to her son who was listening keenly, despite not quite getting the adult talk that's transpiring around him.

"Okay, fine, fine. Keep kicking all these fine men away from your life and be an old saggy woman who will buy twenty-four cats." Anko prodded on. "And those cats won't even love you, Tsunade. If anything, they'll eat you when you're dead."

She shivered. "Stop talking like that."

"Like what? Truth hurts, doesn't it?"

"What truth?"

"You have the father of your child show up, obviously disheartened that you shoved him off without any explanation. And you also have this amazing Akihiko guy who's trying to date you? Maybe in the process give you a fun time."

Tsunade grimaced.

"You haven't gotten laid in three years!" Anko finally vociferated.

"My son is sitting on you! Can you please be more discrete?!" she snapped.

"I was, but you're there looking like a freaking monkey looking for bananas!"

"Well, what do you want me to do?!"

"Phone Akihiko-the-hottie and ask him for a casual date."

"No."

"C'mon! You deserve to have fun!"

"No!"

"Okay, fine. Let me ask you this: is he a gentleman?"

"Yes."

"Is he fine looking?"

Tsunade couldn't help her smile. "...Yes,"

"There you go! He's perfect for you! A rich guy who's nice with a banging appearance wants to bone you! Boo-hoo, Tsunade. What a sad life you live."

"You're really a sarcastic witch, you know."

She smirked. "The best there is, babe. Now call him!"

The blonde crinkled her nose. "...Maybe."

"Oh, screw you and your blessed good looks. Getting all the men and leaving them stagnant!"

"What the hell did you do?" Akihiko snapped sharply at the silver-haired bespectacled man, shoving him into a corner. "I didn't tell you to do those things!"

"You specifically told me to break her mentally." Kabuto reasoned. "So I did."

"I didn't mean to sexually assault her in one of the abandoned room, you fucking shit!" He growled. "I only wanted you to do mild damage to her, so I can comfort her and bring her in towards me. I did not mean for you to do those explicit things to her!"

"Relax. I didn't fuck her. I just ventured around a little - to tease, if you may. She's still fresh for you."

"That's why she would always flinch when I touch her, because you touched her in a more coarse way on the same spot!" He shouted. "I wanted her to be closer to me- and not the other way round! She's more distant, more wary."

"As she should be. You're quite the psychopath to be doing all of this."

"What was that?"

"In a way, you were the one who conducted Tsunade's assault. Now, that isn't very romantic, is it?" He grinned darkly.

"...You bastard."

A ring from Akihiko's phone slashed through the palpable rigid atmosphere that began to descend on the two men. He answered the phone and plainly greeted the caller. However, his bland expression lit up when he heard the voice he's been craving for. "Tsunade!"

"Hey... I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean to lash out on you. As a way to apologize for my rude behavior, I'd like to take you out to dinner sometime. All on me."

"How about tonight?" He offered lightly. "We can split the bill at the end of the night."

"Uhm... sure. Tonight works."

"Great. What time shall I pick you up?"

"Eight thirty. Do you know where I live?"

"You're my employee. I can always look up your address, don't you worry."

"Al-Alright.. I'll see you then?"

"Without a doubt." He grinned with oozing happiness. He closed his phone and grabbed his coat.

Kabuto tutted.

Akihiko glared at him one last time. "Our discussions never happened."

"If you say so."