Chapter Thirty-Six

Sirius' mind was buzzing. He was aware that James was talking to him. His friend had a firm hand on his shoulder and was trying to get him to focus.

A chime echoed in the distance.

"Time for class," Sirius mumbled, "'McGonagall will…we need to…gonna be late."

He was quite sure that his words made sense, even as the others uneasily glanced at him.

"Let's go," Sirius muttered.

"Sirius, wait," James spoke up, "Do you know where you are?"

Sirius sighed and said, "We're down by the lake. It's Monday. My name is Sirius Orion Black. You're James Benjamin Potter. That's Remus John Lupin. That's Peter…blimey, I can never remember your middle name…Pettigrew. The unconscious git on the ground is Regulus Arcturus Black. McGonagall is going to be pissed if we don't hurry up."

"W—we're just going to leave your brother here?" Remus asked.

"Yes."

"Listen," James quietly said, "Why don't you just take a few minutes? You can skip Transfiguration. We'll tell Professor McGonagall that you had an…err…family emergency."

"That's the understatement of the century," Sirius darkly chuckled, "I'm fine, really."

He wasn't lying. He felt fine. He felt strangely calm. He stepped over his brother's body and cheerfully made his way to Transfiguration. The others anxiously followed him.

They walked in five minutes late, much to Professor McGonagall's chagrin.

She frowned and crisply said, "Sit down. That's ten points from Gryffindor."

Sirius shrugged it off and flopped into his seat.

"Are you sure that you're okay, Padfoot?" Peter whispered, sitting next to him.

"Fine, mate."

Peter nodded before mumbling, "I mean…you probably knew that this day was coming."

Sirius took a deep breath. That weird buzzing feeling had returned. He didn't like it.

"Peter, shut up," James growled.

"I mean that's what Slytherins do, isn't it?" Peter gently continued.

"Peter," Remus uneasily whispered, "You really should stop talking."

Sirius didn't know why they looked so anxious. He was fine.

"They're all a bunch of cowards," Peter finished.

Sirius was unaware of leaping up from his desk. He was unaware of jumping right over it and knocking into Peter, so that his own desk went flying. He saw red as his fist collided with his friend's nose. Students were gasping. Professor McGonagall was furiously shrieking. James and Remus were pulling him away. He hadn't done much damage; but he had done enough.

"What did I do?" Peter blubbered, holding his bleeding nose, "What did I do?"

"Just shut up, Peter!" James roared, "You're going to make things worse."

"MISTER BLACK!" Professor McGonagall thundered, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN DO YOU THINK YOU'RE—"

"Shut up, Professor," Sirius snapped.

"Sirius," James exclaimed.

"It's not her fault," Remus coaxingly said, "And it's not Peter's fault, either."

Sirius felt as though his stomach was on fire. His vision had cleared up; it was becoming too clear. He could see every little detail, hear every little sound.

He swallowed and muttered, "I need to talk to Regulus."

"You need to calm down first," James advised.

"What you need to do," Professor McGonagall spoke up, her mouth thin, "Is follow me to the Headmaster's Office at once!"

Sirius ignored her and headed towards the door.

Professor McGonagall went to grab his shoulder. Sirius reflexively sent out a pulse and she jerked back. Her eyes briefly watered with pain but she remained tight-lipped. Sirius gasped, immediately feeling resentful. He hoped that his face showed it.

He took a few steps back and a few deep breaths before turning around and racing away.

oOo

He didn't find Regulus. It was just as well. In the hours that he spent wandering the castle, he had managed to calm down. Well...he had gone numb, at least. He supposed that it was better than feeling as though his insides were burning.

James eventually found him and softly asked, "Do you want to talk?"

Sirius shook his head and muttered, "Wormtail?"

"He's okay," James replied, "McGonagall wants to see you."

Sirius groaned and nodded.

"Want me to go with you?" James asked.

Sirius shook his head and reluctantly went down to the Deputy Headmistress' Office. He felt it only polite to knock on the door.

"Come in."

He sullenly entered and she said, "Ah, Mister Black."

"Don't expel me," Sirius immediately said, "Professor, please! Take away points! Throw me in detention…just…don't…"

He broke off and Professor McGonagall crisply said, "Mister Black, I have no intention of expelling you. Sit down."

Sirius stared at her, quite bewildered, before doing so.

"When I touched your shoulder," Professor McGonagall quietly said, "You let off a strange burst of energy. Many young children emit such an energy, though not nearly as powerful, whenever they feel threatened or scared."

Sirius stared at her for a moment before saying, "Well…that's…that's very interesting, Professor."

She stared right back before saying, "It is, indeed. This is sometimes known as the defensive charge. Some wizards and witches have been able to master this technique. Not only can they reflexively send out a pulse, they can also bring the energy forth…usually in some sort of physical resemblance. Has this ever happened to you, Mister Black?"

Sirius immediately thought of the balls of light, the small wave, the foyer of his house exploding as he channeled every bit of energy he had into wave after wave…

"Nope."

Professor McGonagall sighed at his calm answer.

"I know about your history, Mister Black," Professor McGonagall quietly said, "Not specific details, mind you. However, I do know that you did not grow up in a happy household. I know that you've had to bottle everything up, just to get through the day. And I know that sometimes, you need to let it out. If you don't want to reveal any information, that's fine. But do not, for one second, think that I'm naïve."

Sirius stared at her for a moment before closing his eyes. His demeanor was slipping.

He eventually opened them and took a deep breath, reluctantly pushing. The ball of energy appeared in his hands. He gave it a small smile, feeling the warmth on his fingertips.

"Incredible," Professor McGonagall whispered.

"This is nothing," Sirius chuckled, "I once made it the size of my head. 'Nearly blew up my house."

He grinned at the thought and slowly brought his hands together, diminishing the ball.

"I see," Professor McGonagall quietly said.

Sirius gazed at her before sheepishly saying, "Long story."

"I won't ask," Professor McGonagall said, "But I must ask you this…you seemed to have experienced a nasty bit of shock before entering my classroom earlier. Hence attacking your friend and sending off reflexive pulses. And I must ask…what's wrong?"

Sirius' face clouded over and he muttered, "It's…it's nothing…"

"Clearly," Professor McGonagall cynically said.

She folded her hands and asked, "Is it something to do with the other Marauders?"

Sirius shook his head. His throat was beginning to burn.

"Your family, then?"

"The Marauders are my family," Sirius pointed out.

"What about your brother?"

His eyes were beginning to sting.

Professor McGonagall stared at him for a moment before asking, "What happened?"

Sirius remained silent.

"Nothing you say will leave this room," Professor McGonagall firmly said, "You have my word. You can tell me."

"No, I can't!" Sirius burst out.

He was laughing, despite the fact that his eyes were brimmed with tears.

"I can't tell you," Sirius croaked, "I…I can't."

He wiped his eyes and mumbled, "I need to find Regulus."

He stood up and walked away, leaving a stunned Professor McGonagall in his wake.