Chapter 30: Rock and Roll

So I updated pretty early xD

"Oh what fun, what a wonderful day~" Verge hummed as they entered the Odyssey.

"Pulling a Hue there, Vergie?" Penn joked as they neared the platform.

"Is it wrong to be cheerful?"

"Uh, no." To prove it, Penn looked up at their mechanic. "Goood afternoon, Phyllis! How's it gooooing…"

He stopped himself short when he found her inside the MUT controls. "Uh, you all right there, Phyls?" Verge called.

"Today is just routine de-snaking."

"Snakes?!" Boone exclaimed, looking terrified.

"Is nothing. Today, you get to be spies."

The news instantly brought a smile on Penn's face. "Spies?! Oh, yes! High tech gadgets! Tuckshedos. And maybe a…high tech tuckshedo!"

"All aboard the Disappointment Train," Verge whispered to Sashi. The brunette scoffed.

"With gadgets! And—oh, what is happening?!"

They all looked up to see a giant snake, and hear Phyllis' voice echo from inside it. "Don't worry. Going in hurt me, but going out will hurt snake."

"No!" Verge cried out, feeling her animal fairy sense picking up. "Don't hurt it! Maybe I should stay, we can do a proper operation so no one has to—"

"Phyllis does not have time for your complaints. Good luck!"

Before the fairy knew it, they were zapped in.

"Zero. Penn Zero."

The three looked at their redhead friend and quickly exchanged a look. "The Disappointment Train is nearing its destination," Verge mumbled.

"I think your bowtie is a spider," Sashi noted.

"What?! Ah! Get it off get it off get it off me!"

Sashi flicked it away, but Verge quickly caught and started to stroke it. "Aw, he didn't mean that…"

Penn took a deep breath and looked around. "What's going on?"

When they looked around, they didn't at all look like they were in some high tech office area. In fact, it was like everything around them was made of stone. The people there didn't dress up fancy either. They were wearing animal skin for clothes. The quartet were wearing identical outfits as well. Verge's dress was in cheetah printed, and in the form of her usual clothing. Her pigtails were tied and clipped up by vines and bones, like Sashi's was. The only thing different from her friends was that she wasn't as hairy. And when Penn came to a realization, he frowned.

"W-W-W-Wait a second! We're cavemen?"

"Cavepeople, thank you," Boone corrected.

"It's just like that other dimension we were in," Sashi noted. "Like the one with the rocks, only we look different."

"What dimension?" Verge questioned. "I like this place. I'd know if we were in somewhere like this."

"Once again: you were sick."

"Aw, dust it! I miss out on all the fun."

"On the bright side, we know how you look like in caveperson form," Penn piped.

"Gee, thanks."

"All right," Sashi said. "We're agents for the CLIA. The Cavemen Low Intelligence Agency."

"Cavepeople," Boone corrected again.

Penn crossed his arms. Verge groaned inwardly. "Does it matter?"

Sashi just ignored and continued. "Our mission: locate a weapon of mass destruction and return it to cavequarters before it falls into enemy hands."

Penn seemed to understand. "Well, could this secret weapon destroy the world in a blink of an eye?"

"It's a rock."

That caused a bit of an awkward silence. "…OK. Well, R-O-C-K must be an acronym for something dangerous. Like Remote Operated Command Killbot!"

"It's a rock."

"Is it actually an egg, for some sort of monster that threatens all of cavemanity?!"

"It's just a rock."

"Is it…made of…diamonds?"

"Rock."

"What is dangerous about a rock?!"

"It's really big." Even Boone and Verge nodded in agreement.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Just go along with it, Zero."

"…OK. Where is this really big rock?"

"On it!" Boone piped up. He turned to a flat rock that looked like a screen and spoke to it. "Computer, where is the deadly rock?"

He crossed his arms proudly as he waited for an answer, but big surprise, nothing happened. The remaining three exchanged deadpan looks. Boone swiped a finger across it, but he only smudged the little drawing. Like an actual cavemen, he got "fascinated" and started writing on the walls. "Cool."

"Well, he's useless," Verge proclaimed. Penn sighed.

"I'll call in our assistant."

Sashi picked up a rock that had the words "Intercom" on it. She threw it, and the rock landed on someone's head. There was an "Ow" followed by a large man entering the room. "You rang, ma'am?"

"Yeah. We need Intel for the location of the rock."

"I will check with Nugg, our satellite technician."

The caveman left the room, and Penn and Sashi exchanged looks. "This agency is supposed to have high-quality technology," Sashi explained.

"Well that should be obvious?" Verge was staring at the other caveman items there. She stared at one of the workers, who was sitting cross-legged on a desk and managing a tablet, and started knocking on her head. "Does this work?"

The cavewoman growled and slapped the fairy's hand. "Watch it!" she grunted.

"Hehe, she didn't mean it," Penn said quickly, taking Verge's hand and pulling her away. "Focus here, Verge."

"Right, right. It's just amazing how all this is supposed to be…'new'."

The caveman had returned with Nugg and set her down. She seemed hazy from her fall, but she managed to pour dust on a flat rock surface. "Processing satellite data!" She then started drawing on it.

"This is cool!" Boone said, nudging Penn. "Seeing a satellite up close like this?"

Penn decided not to respond.

"Our surveillance reveal the location of the rock, sir!" Nugg handed the tablet over, and they could see a map of where the rock was just laying on.

"Thanks, Nugg," Sashi said, examining the map. "That'll be all."

"Thank. You. Ma'am."

"Now to get outfitted with the latest gadgets!"

"I believe that's Boone's department," Verge noticed, nodding slightly at Boone's bowtie. He seemed pretty techy, so she assumed he could help with the situation.

The Wiseman lit up at that. "Ooh, ooh, yeah! I've got some cool new stuff! Follow me." Penn and Verge exchanged a look as they trailed after Boone, leaving Sashi to deal with the other agency members.

"It's gizmo time!" Boone exclaimed, waving jazz hands. He was standing before a cave entrance, as he put on what looked like a lab coat and glasses. He picked up a stone tablet and gestured for the two to follow him again.

When they stepped inside, they could see some stands containing draped items, hiding the gadgets Boone created under them. "Please save your applause for the end."

He revealed the first gadget by taking the cloth off. "State of the art: nanorocks!"

Penn and Verge exchanged a look again. "What do they do?"

"They're basically small."

"…How nice?" Verge was unsure of her statement as she pocketed the rocks.

"Can they…pick locks? Maybe?"

"No. But the good thing is, I don't think locks have been invented." He moved on to the next stand. "Next, we have…" He unveiled the cloth to reveal sticks.

"Please tell me they shoot lasers," Penn deadpanned.

"They shoot lasers."

"…But not really, right?"

"No, of course not."

"Fabulous." Verge sighed and pocketed the sticks.

"Boone, do you have anything that's even remotely cool?!"

"Hahaha, yes! Because Boone saved the best for last!"

"Well, this should be good," Penn mumbled at Verge, following the boy again.

Boone led them to a rock blocking a cave entrance and he proceeded in rolling it away. "Your spy mobile!"

Penn lit up in hope as he entered the room, but he only ended up being disappointed once again when he saw what was waiting for him. "It's just a log."

He wasn't kidding. It was just a log.

"On the bright side," Verge said after a while. "It looks healthy."

"And it's all yours!" Boone cried out. He handed Penn a small rock, which seemed to be the key. Penn only took it in annoyance and pressed it. There was a little car opening sound, but it was only caused by Boone.

"OK!" Verge piped up, clapping her hands together. "Let's get this show on the road! Boone, get the map with Sashi. Come on, Zero, let's bring this baby out."

As Boone left, the redhead caveman and his fairy guide started pushing the log out of the cave. The moment they were by the mountain they were supposed to be climbing, Penn started complaining.

"This isn't even the spy world I was hoping for! Where are all the new stuff? Where's the real tech?"

"Well, this is a caveman world," Verge said, frowning. "Look, Zero, this is a world different from others we've been to. You have to get used to that fact, and find something to actually look forward to.

"Maybe I will. When we actually have something to look forward to."

Boone and Sashi finally arrived, and they were ready to scale the mountain. However, they were having a pretty tough time dragging it up towards the crest. Especially with Boone sitting on it and not helping at all. "I don't see why we can't just walk!" Penn said.

"This log could come in handy," Sashi convinced. "We just haven't figured out how yet."

"Verge! Why can't you even just use your dust?!"

"I don't tell you everything!"

"Veeeeergeeee."

"I don't know, OK?! It doesn't seem to be working in the world! Fairy dust must be technology too. I wonder if any fairy ever planned stepping foot here…"

Boone cleared his throat and started talking in a girlish voice. "In five feet, turn right!"

"Way to help out, Boone!"

They pushed really hard, but that seemed to be too much. Boone's eyes widened when he felt the log tipping forward. "I meant my right!" He was screaming as the log cascaded downwards.

"It's the same right!" Sashi yelled, as they ran after him.

"I'll catch him!" Verge tucked her wings, as she fell down towards the direction of the log. As Boone screamed, she managed to catch up to him and hold onto the log. The moment she was on, a rolling Penn whizzed past her. "Ow! Whoa! This! Hurts! So! Much!"

Sashi also jumped on the log as they steered it towards Penn. Verge held her hand out as they took him and placed him safely on the log. "See, Penn?" Sashi smirked. "Because of the log, we're making good time!"

"Guess again!" Verge shrieked.

They all started to scream when they found themselves falling face-first into a murky brown river. They splashed in, and almost immediately came up again, but they looked faint from smelling the water. To make things worse, when they came to, their eyes widened when they saw what was up ahead.

"Whoa-oh!" Boone gasped.

"Waterfall!" Verge shouted. Then she paused. "Is it mudfall? Watermudfall? You know, it's hard to tell when the color is—"

"Verge, not now please!" Penn shrieked.

"Better drop the anchor!"

"Boone, no! That's the map!"

Dropping the map was one thing. Falling down the waterfall without it was all Penn could think of as his friends screamed for their lives. It took a while, but they all managed to get out of the river safe and sound.

"Well, that went well," Verge coughed, sprawled out on the ground like she was about to make a snow angel.

Nothing, however, stopped Penn's rage. Everything else he encountered made it worse. He gasped when the log also managed to get to dry land with them.

"It's gizmo time!" Boone randomly said.

Finally, the redhead snapped. "You're not using your catchphrase properly!"

The three exchanged worried looks as Penn got out of the water first. Verge stood up, not minding the weight of her wet wings as she followed the hero. "Zero, calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down?! This is such a disappointing world full of useless stuff! Stupid prehistoric sticks, stupid prehistoric rocks, stupid prehistoric tripwire—"

"Wait, what?"

Before they knew it, a handmade trap was thrown over them, and the quartet found themselves laying on their stomachs, as a heavy net held them down. They tried struggling free, but the rocks that held the trap wouldn't let them.

"Well, this is just embarrassing!" Verge cried out. "A half-garden fairy trapped by plants and nature. What else could go wrong for me today?"

"This isn't about you, Verge," Sashi grumbled.

"I know. But I have a feeling on who's responsible for all this…"

Just then, a large dead animal came sliding in out of nowhere. Two certain people were sitting atop it, with the leader on the back looking pretty smug. "Behold! The dead wooly rhino minivan!" Rippen introduced. "Great for families and villains bent on world domination."

"And check out the cupholders!" Larry pointed out. "…Oh, no, that's just a nostril." He still placed his coconut cup in it. "Well, you know what, it still works though."

"Rippen, what's up with your hair." Verge said, slightly deadpanned. "It's not even…you know." Long story short, Rippen was bald.

"That can be arranged. On the subject matter, I must say, I love it here. I can bring about wonders these primitive cavemen can't even dream of!" To answer Verge's question, he reached inside the rhino's mouth and brought something out of it as he then placed it on his head. "I mean, look at that! A grass toupee! I did that in like, five seconds!"

"Congratulations. You managed to do that and make me lose my lunch."

"Shut your mouth, cave fairy. You and I both know you're useless in this dimension. Meanwhile, I may finally be able to win because of my strengths here." Verge snorted, and Penn had to glare. "Look at all my achievements!"

"I see nothing."

"But my favorite is this." He then brought out what looked like a horn and blew into it.

As if on cue, a giant tiger appeared from the bushes, growling as he stared at a piece of meat dangling in front of him. The quartet screamed (or more like the three did, Verge just stared with wide eyes) as they believed the tiger was going to eat them. However, its full attention was on the meat. It licked its lips and pounced, but it didn't land on them. Instead, it landed on the other side of the trap, slowly following the meat. The four then realized it was carrying a pile of rocks in a giant log wagon, looking just about ready to trample over them.

Penn just had to question it all. "Uh, why don't you just feed us to the saber-tooth tiger?"

"Because I'm an innovator?" Rippen said, in a "duh" tone. "Now tell me where the rock is!"

"The only one who knows is Boone! And he will never tell you!"

"Try again, Zero," Verge mumbled. "I can actually feel his fear beside me."

"The rock…is…"

His friends stared at him horror, silently pleading for him to hold it in. But when Boone looked at the rocks about to be trample over them, he just knew he couldn't let them all get killed. "The rock is…over that geno direction somewhere!"

"No!" the girls schouted.

Rippen laughed out loud. "Thanks for that! To the wooly rhino, Larry!"

As Rippen got on his ride, he laughed again as he pushed it up the mountain. Soon, they were gone.

"He couldn't have given us the letting us go reward?" Verge mumbled. "Of course not he's a villain!"

"You're talking to yourself again, Verge."

"Thanks for giving the location, Boone!"

"Hey! I wanted him to leave so he could buy us time into thinking of how to escape."

"I know. Yet, it's still your fault."

"Well, so-rry."

"I hate the idea of learning anything from Rippen," Penn interrupted. "But these are desperate times. Instead of wishing this world would be something it's not, I should just make the most of what it actually is." When he smiled at his friends, Verge could only explode.

"Seriously! When will be the day you will actually listen to my advice?!"

"Whoa, Verge," Sashi said, actually sounding concerned. "Blow a fuse there?"

"Sorry, Vergie," Penn apologized. "I know, I should really listen more. But at least I did learn something."

He then reached into his pocket, taking out some of the rocks he'd split up with Verge earlier. "Rocks. Nanorocks." He threw the little pebbles at the tiger's feet. This caused it to trip on them, and fall onto the ground.

Next, Penn took the sticks out. "Quick! Before he gets up." He and Sashi then started rubbing two of the twigs together.

The tiger was slowly standing now, and was soon back on its feet. The log wagon was moving again. Now desperate, Boone and verge started blowing on the sticks really hard. A small flame then erupted from Penn's stick. With a goofy smile, he started using the little flame he had to burn the vines over them. It took a while, and the wagon was just slowly nearing them, but the vines quickly snapped and loosened. The moment they saw their chance, everyone ran out and saved themselves from being run over.

But it wasn't over yet. "All right," Sashi said. "We better hurry if we're going to catch up to Rippen."

"Unfortunately, my wings are still wet, so I can't personally fly everyone there…"

"No need, Verge," Penn said, actually smiling. "We have something better. Besides. He's on a dead wooly rhino! We've got time. First, I'm gonna put something on a little more formal!"

He picked up a random spider on the ground, and finally accepted it to be his bowtie. Unfortunately, unlike before, Verge tried to stop him from doing that. "Z-Zero, that spider is a mother—"

Too late. "Ohh, it's giving birth! I thought spiders laid eggs! Closing my mouth now, they're getting in." He shut up, but that didn't stop the spiders from surrounding him in a web.

"OK," Verge sighed, rolling up whatever sleeves she had on her dress. "This is gonna take a lot of elbow grease."

Let's just say the process wasn't pretty.

When Penn was finally free, they were all more determined to go up the mountain again. "I say Boone pushes us this time," Verge spoke up. It was a 3-1 vote on that. When they were halfway through, they could already see Rippen doing the usual thing: thinking he was ready to achieve his dreams. The only thing left was the last part: getting defeated by the four.

"Not so fast, Rippen!" Penn shouted out, smirking.

"You're too late, Penn Zero," Rippen insisted. "I am completely in control of this giant rock!"

Guess again. One graze from his hand, and the rock suddenly started tumbling the other way. Rippen gasped and cried out as he started running after it.

"Guys, I suggest turning around," Verge said, slightly horrified.

"What? Why?"

"Turn around! Turn around now!"

Larry seemed to know how to control a rock. Pretty soon, he and Rippen were running on top of it and heading for the four. They quickly turned the rock around, and once again were going downhill.

Now was the time for Penn to get into this world's technology. He pressed a pretend button on the log. "Pressing smokescreen."

"Got it!" Boone confirmed. He used a twig and it crashed against the ground, cuasing smoke as they rode on. It hit the villains' faces, causing them to cough.

"Pressing cannon."

"On it." Using a twig and a rock, Sashi catapulted one over at Rippen and Larry. They were instantly knocked over the giant rock, and fully lost control.

"Engaging the fairy guide." Penn looked over at Verge, smiling and nodding as he gestured at her now dry wings.

"You asked for it." Verge smirked as she gave her wings a little flutter. Once they were sure to go, she flew off the log and over at the villains. Once they saw her, Verge let out a loud cry as she gave a really strong kick. The two were now fully knocked off the mountain, and were bot screaming as they were falling. "My hair inventioooooon!"

As the fairy caught up to her friends, so did the rock. It was speeding ahead, and was now in front of them. It was also slowly heading for the CLIA.

"Pressing net."

"That's you," Sashi reminded.

"Oh. Yeah. Yeah."

He gave the net he had a little twirl and hurled it at the rock. It was a perfect catch. But despite that, he couldn't get a full grip. The rock still surged forward, pulling their log along with them. "What do we do?!" Verge cried out.

"There's no fake emergency brake button!" Penn gasped.

"Boone! If you have a cool/not so cool invention at the moment, now would be a good time to show it to us!"

Those words seemed to inspire the Wiseman as he proudly put his glasses on. "It's gizmo time!"

Boone got off the log and used his flip-flops to screech against the floor. It took a lot of pressure, but they seemed to manage and quickly stopped the rock right before it fell off the cliff. "Nice save, Boone," Penn commented, smiling.

"I'm never making fun of your flip flops again," Verge muttered.

Boone grinned proudly. "You know flip-flops are my thang." He held them out like a torch, showing with pride his new invention.

Verge could only laugh as she brought Penn and Sashi in for a hug. "Another great mission, guys."

Later on, Verge found the villains again. Surprisingly, Rippen was stll working on the toupee. That, luckily, gave Verge the perfect time to capture him and strap him to the tiger stick. Now, it was moving faster than ever. They used the giant animal to make it easier to bring the rock to cavequarters. Once they arrived, all the workers were grinning proudly as they clapped with their feet.

"Um, what are they doing?" Sashi questioned.

"I think they're applauding us." Penn said.

"I question that," Verge mumbled.

"Yeah, maybe we should teach them how to clap."

"No, no, this is kinda cool. And…really weird."

"So it is, Zero. So it is."

Sashi continued to hold up the torch Boone had made. Nugg seemed to be very impressed by it and went up to them amazed. "What is this glowy burning power that allows you to be out after Father Ocean eats Baby Sun?!"

"Say what now."

"Uh…oh! You mean, fire?"

Nugg seemed to have an idea in her head. "Uncle Fire could be used as a weapon! Will have to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands…like miiiiiine! No more satellite launches! Nugg will rule the woooorld!"

She immediately took the torch and laughed as she tried running off with it. "You'll never catch me—"

Guess again. The saber-tooth tiger glared down at her as it roared before gulping her whole. "Finally. Ol' Toothy gets something to eat." Verge chuckled as she petted the CLIA's new pet. It purred against her cheek.

The fairy's friends only chuckled at her.

Until next time, dear ridaas. I shall do my best to provide the next reading materials at high time.