A Perception of Reality

by knightchaser

There is a belief that states for every action taken, the alternative action is played out in another dimension. In one reality Itachi succeeded in killing his clan, in another, he failed. This is the story of what happened when he failed.

36. Chapter 36 A Hole in his Heart

Last week the Konoha group arrived in Mist, and Fugaku offered his youngest son a chance at the Mangekyou Sharingan.

Thanks for all the reviews and favs

I guess, judging by the reviews from the last chapter I did a good job of creating tension, xD. Well, keep reading. Sasuke is one of my favorite characters so I actually have a lot of fun writing about him.

Arggghhh!… why is Kishimoto taking such great pains to keep Madara and Danzou away from each other? So sad Sasuke didn't get Danzou… but that Eye of the Moon plan sounds really familiar… I swear, it's the same thing the bad guy in "Gun Sword" was planning. Still, it is clever. xD

Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns everything.

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Chapter 36 - A Hole in his Heart

"So what do you want?" Deidara sat – without waiting to be invited – on a highly polished cherry wood chair in front of the Mizukage's desk. He was a little stressed out after having been left to his own devices for the last day-and-a-half in an unfamiliar environment with no clear mission and no idea why he was to attend the wedding of two people he had never met before. His room was very nice and the VCR had been well stocked with, surprisingly enough, a collection of his favorite movies. If that wasn't creepy enough, his favorite snack – a boiled egg wrapped in a fish cake called a Bakudan – had been sitting on his table waiting for him when he had arrived. And it had been delicious. And they had brought him four more when he asked.

Madara couldn't resist the temptation to mess with the teen's mind and responded seductively, "You."

Deidara gave him an odd look, "Sorry, already got a date to the wedding. And so do you if I remember right."

Madara laughed, "Deidara, you are going to be very upset with me in a minute, but there is something I have to tell you."

"Then get on with it." Deidara sighed in irritation, "I would like to get some training in this afternoon since I haven't done any in a while."

"Humph. Well then, let's get this over with. Does this look familiar?" He pulled a mask out of a drawer and lifted it up. Deidara's eyes opened wide and he pulled the hair away from his left eye – he usually left it covered – so he could get a better glimpse at it.

"That's… Tobi's mask!" He looked carefully at the orange and black mask, "Where is he? You didn't hurt him did you? He's annoying and a pain in the ass, and I would love to kick him into next week but you better not have have…"

"He's fine. In fact…" He slipped the mask on over his face and raised the pitch of his voice as he leaned back in his chair and stuck his bare feet up on the desk. "Sempai, do you think I can get into Akatsuki some day?"

The words that came out of Deidara's mouth over the next five minutes surprised even Madara, who had thought he had heard it all. The teen was actually cursing him in about five different languages, and each insult was grammatically correct. When he finally quieted down he pulled his hair back over his eye, crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

"Ah. That was impressive. Now, perhaps I should introduce myself properly. I am Madara Uchiha."

"Oh great. More Uchiha's. Just what the world needs."

Madara ignored him, "And I call the shots in Akatsuki."

"So… what does Pein do?"

"He's the leader, he gives the orders. I don't like to micro-manage so he is perfectly suited to the position."

"Oh." Deidara really didn't know what to think at this point, so he sat still and stared off into space, waiting for something to happen.

"Hmm. Kisame is here." Madara muttered before calling out, "Come in and take a seat."

"So have you told him yet?" Kisame was dressed in black hakama pants and a white yukata with black trim. It was a completely different look from his usual ninja attire and for some reason it just made things seem even more out of sorts.

"Yeah. I think his brain broke. After cursing me fluently in five languages he suddenly shut up and has been spacing out ever since."

"Only five, huh? He let you off easy. I know for a fact he speaks a couple more than that." Kisame reached over and patted Deidara on the shoulder, "You awake?"

"Yeah." Deidara brushed the hand away and scooted his chair a couple feet further from the desk. "Was this revelation the only reason you brought me here? Because if it is…"

Madara interrupted him, "I will speak to you again in a few days. Things are changing pretty fast right now. I may have a different role for you in Akatsuki, one that would take full advantage of your personality."

Deidara cringed, "I'm not going to have to keep talking to the Kage's am I? That old man in Stone was creeping me out. He kept acting like he knew me." Deidara was silent for a moment, then continued hesitantly, "He… doesn't know me… does he?"

"If you are asking if he is a contact of Akatsuki – no he isn't. If he knows you at all it is from your time in Iwa. Other than that… you will continue your contact with the Kage's. In fact, you will be an 'ambassador' of sorts."

"Great. Just what I always wanted. And I bet I don't get to blow anything up either."

"What you do on your own time is your business. Like I said a few minutes ago, I will have more details in a few days."

"Can I leave now… as in… leave Mist?"

"No. I want you to stay for the wedding."

"Fine. Can I go do some training then?"

"Yeah, go ahead. The maids take their break by the kitchen and would prefer it if you removed your shirt and shoes, and wore your pants a little lower on your hips during training."

"Okay." Deidara started walking for the door then stopped and stood still for a couple seconds. Turning around he faced Madara with a big smile on his face, "Thanks!"

As the door shut Kisame broke out laughing, "That made his day."

"Well, a group of girls were cleaning the main hall this morning and drooling over our mad bomber. Might as well do them a favor."

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Sasuke lay on the floor of his room staring blankly at the ceiling. This vacation wasn't turning out to be very relaxing at all. He knew the trip over would be hard, and it was, but that was expected. His father's request this morning was anything but expected and his stomach had started churning shortly after he had finished his breakfast – leading to his decision to skip lunch.

He wanted to protect his family and friends, and the Mangekyou Sharingan could do that. He was certain of it. But he had so many questions. At first, it had sounded like an excellent idea. It had sounded like the answer to all his prayers. But the more he considered it…

Why was Itachi so against it?

Why did he feel Itachi, Sheeta and the baby were in danger?

Why did he feel Naruto and Sakura were in danger?

Why did he keep dreaming about the destruction of Konoha?

His father had hinted several times that Itachi was undergoing missions that had changed him, making him do things that had damaged him psychologically. That was why Danzou had been able to trick him into almost killing the clan. But the "damage" – Sasuke couldn't think of anything else to call it – was still there. He could see it when Itachi was quiet and lost in thought. A darkness that would pass in front of him. It was always worse when he returned from secret missions, and a few times it had been so bad the teen would hardly speak for two or three days afterward.

Sasuke sat up and crossed his legs, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. He knew something was going on. Could that be why the clan elders were pushing him so hard? He had assumed it was just the way they were and while it annoyed him to no end he never really thought that hard about their motives. Was Itachi's darkness something they wanted Sasuke to be strong enough to help with?

"I have to kill him. That guy. And I'll be under a Genjutsu to make me think he's my friend. To me…he'll be Naruto." His stomach knotted again and he jumped up and ran to bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time as the contents of his breakfast and last night's dinner escaped. Collapsing on the floor he dragged himself back to his feet and was brushing his teeth when another thought crossed his mind.

He looked at his reflection as his eyes opened wide in shock, "Who did Itachi and dad kill?"

Memories of long ago, when he was very little, came back. Three policemen had come to the house and accused Itachi of killing…

"Shisui. He did kill him. I can't believe it." It didn't seem possible. He remembered the two as being almost inseparable. Shisui was a couple years older than Itachi and treated him like a little brother. Itachi looked up to him, even at a young age Sasuke was able to see that much, at least. "Did dad make him do it? And why Shisui? Dad's a master of Genjutsu. He could have put one on Itachi and made him fight a criminal like with me."

Stepping out of the bathroom he looked outside and saw Itachi meditating next to the small stream that wove around the building the family was staying in. "I know he said I'm supposed to decide on my own… but I have to know…"

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Itachi felt his brother approach and tensed visibly when the boy sat down next to him. The grass was wet and cold and the ever-present mist swirled around the windless garden, creating an overly quiet, surreal visage that easily made one feel as if the world no longer existed. It was one of the ways the village protected itself and those not of ninja blood or training would walk right past without seeing it.

"I… have a question." Sasuke's voice was almost a whisper and for some reason it made Itachi tense up even more. "Who did you kill? Who did dad kill?"

Now that question was definitely at the bottom of the list of what he had expected Sasuke to ask. "You're talking about the Mangekyou?" Itachi knew what his brother was talking about, he was just stalling for time.

"Of course."

"Of course." Itachi echoed, "No one. I didn't kill anyone."

"But back then… Shisui…"

"I didn't kill him." Itachi stated with a little more force than necessary.

"Then who…"

"No one!"

"Then how…"

"Sasuke, I don't want to talk about this."

Sasuke lost his temper and yelled, "Well that's too bad because you're going to talk about it and you're going to talk about it to me, right now! Now what happened?"

Itachi stood up and turned to leave when Sasuke grabbed his hand and pulled. Not expecting him to do such a thing, he lost his balance and fell on his rear.

"What happened?"

Clenching his teeth, he glared angrily at his brother, "You want the truth, huh? Well fine. Father's not going to like it, but what the hell." Itachi knew he was being wreckless, but suddenly that didn't matter anymore. "When I was four I was training with father when he got mad at me and started hitting me. He broke my arm and when mother tried to stop him he hit her and gave her a concussion. That's how she ended up in the hospital. Me… I ran, and kept running until I was outside of the village and in the woods. Madara found me, healed my arm and brought me back home." He paused, noting the shocked look of horror that had settled on his brother's face with grim satisfaction before continuing.

"Shisui and I became Madara's students. In secret at first, but later when father found out he allowed it to continue. Or rather, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop him. He was afraid if he tried we would be kidnapped. Toshiro was left in the dark. He knew nothing of what was going on. Later, Shisui dropped out on his own. In the meantime I became aware of an organization of missing ninja's that Madara was running called Akatsuki. It turns out… I was being groomed to one day become a member. And that day came.

"Father had me passing information to him about Akatsuki's activities and Jiraiya even found out about it on his own so I was also acting as his informant." Itachi stopped, suddenly realizing where his story was going. The truth, from Sasuke's perspective was going to be crueler than he had first thought. To him, Madara wasn't a stranger who had healed his arm and, under the pretext of kindness had forced him into a criminal organization. To Sasuke, Madara was a stranger who had turned out to be his father.

"Is that all?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"N…no." Itachi stuttered, his anger was gone. "I don't want to tell you the rest… it's…"

"Please, Itachi, I need to know." Sasuke's anger was gone as well, replaced with desperation.

"Akatsuki… it… Madara is using it to remake the ninja world. I really don't know his ultimate plan. The plan we've been told is… I don't know… I just have this feeling it's not the truth or perhaps not the whole truth… but I can't substantiate those feelings in any way.

"Akatsuki is gathering the tailed beasts, extracting them from their containers and placing them in a holding pen – a giant chakra contained statue – so that they can be pulled out later and used to bring war to the ninja world. They will then use Akatsuki to fight the wars, undercutting the villages and driving them into bankruptcy. Everyone will have to turn to Madara for peace."

Sasuke's face had turned white, "But… but when you take the tailed beast out of it's host… the host dies… That's what he meant when he said he would have had to of killed me if I had… been the host and not Naruto." He suddenly turned even whiter and grabbed his brother's arm, "Naruto! He wants to kill Naruto!"

"Yeah. That's about how it is." He sighed, and before Sasuke could go off on another rant, he continued his story, "Danzou comes into it now. He had forced the village elders to take his side and start spouting a bunch of anti-Uchiha propaganda. We were forced to reside solely in the compound – until then it had been optional and many had even lived in the capital. He then assigned ANBU to follow us. The clan elders were upset and demanded that Fugaku… father… deal with it. You see, Danzou was telling the higher-ups that Uchiha were planning a revolt. Father finally got tired of it and decided to make his fears a reality. That was when the coup was born.

"I joined ANBU a few months after making Chuunin and was immediately drafted into Root. Eventually, Danzou wormed his way into my mind and convinced me to turn traitor to my clan. I was not only passing information about the village to father, but now I was passing information about the clan to Danzou."

"And you were younger than me." Sasuke whispered, "That's not fair."

Itachi was touched by his brother's words and frowned, remembering all the frustration and sorrow that had dogged his every step back then. "Shisui approached me around this time… he had found out about the Mangekyou Sharingan. He wanted me to fight him. And win. Then… then… I would fight father and kill him, taking control of the clan and stopping the coup. I refused. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill Shisui and I couldn't kill father. I told him that and proceeded to avoid him as much as possible, hoping that if we didn't meet I wouldn't be prodded into a fight."

"But it didn't work." Sasuke voice was still a whisper.

"There is another way to get the Mangekyou. Madara had hinted at it once, years earlier during one of our training sessions. I think Shisui must have approached him at some point and found out. It's not in the scrolls you read when you became a Genin and that, I believe, is the only record we have about it in the village."

Itachi took a deep breath before continuing, "The intense emotion, intense sorrow, that you feel when someone you care for, someone who was something more than a friend dies, that is how you unlock Mangekyou. When a friend like that dies, you don't feel just sorrow, but a whole range of emotions, from guilt, to anger, to helplessness… it all comes out raw and without restriction."

"So he did kill himself."

"Yes." Itachi was surprised when he felt a tear escape his eye and quickly wiped it away. "But even so… I still couldn't bring myself to go along with his plan. Not until… Danzou… but I think you know the rest of the story."

"Yeah."

It was quiet for a few minutes as they both watched the water running lazily through the small, deep stream. Brightly colored Koi occasionally swam by, moving between the many ponds that eventually ran into a small lake at the opposite end of the mansion's garden.

"So how did dad get his?" Sasuke finally asked.

"I don't know, really. I suspect in the same way I did. You remember Madara mentioned gathering a bunch of followers back during the Kyuubi attack? Well, one of them was Kentaro. You've heard about him quite a bit over the years, but… he was probably father's closest friend and the closest thing to a father figure he ever had. I always assumed his death is what brought it on."

"Yeah, that makes sense. But Itachi… I have to know… why don't you want me to have it too? What's so wrong? I know dad doesn't want you to tell me… but I don't like not knowing where I stand."

Smiling, Itachi was pleased to hear his brother saying such a thing. "I am going blind, Sasuke. Every time I use it my vision becomes worse. It is irrevocable. And… sometimes… I can still hear Shisui's voice… part of his chakra was imbued into me somehow. I don't know how it happens and not everyone experiences it but it's hard… Toshiro's father was driven nearly insane by the voice of his dead friend and spent his last few years completely blind and desperately trying to talk to him.

"And there's one more thing. My sickness… the Mangekyou is making is worse. That's why… my lungs were messed up yesterday. I was practicing a new technique before we left Konoha and it... its very damaging to the body. I haven't told anyone else, so please keep it quiet."

Sasuke nodded once and Itachi continued talking, "Having the Mangekyou is one thing, but using it – and I know you would use it. It's not worth it, Sasuke. It's not something I want you to do."

"I don't want to do it either." Sasuke admitted, "But how else do I protect Naruto and Konoha from Akatsuki?"

"Naruto isn't helpless, and neither are you. You told me what he did when Gaara attacked. He's only twelve right now. What will he be like in a few years? His father was arguably the strongest Hokage ever in the history of Konoha. And you fought against Gaara as well, getting through his sand barrier impressed everyone and showed a great deal of strategy as well. And Sakura… she has yet to show her potential, but her chakra control is as close to perfect as you can get and there is no way that is going to go to waste. Sai is remarkable at strategy as well and Kakashi… well, there are a lot of people, not just you."

"So…" Sasuke was quiet for a few minutes before standing up, "Thanks for answering my questions. I guess I have a lot more to think about than I thought." As he walked away Itachi's senses picked up another person approaching him.

"That was… quite a story." Deidara plopped down on the ground about six feet away from Itachi. "Going blind too, huh? Sucks to be you."

"I'm not looking for pity." Itachi stated calmly.

"It just looks more and more like I won't get that rematch. But, it's my turn to ask a question, since you seem to be in an answering mood. I was on my way to kitchen when I heard you say you were being groomed to join Akatsuki. And, well, Tobi just told me he was really Madara and when you said that – about grooming – it's just…"

"You're rambling Deidara, but I get the point. I'm not supposed to say anything but it sounds to me like you figured it out on your own anyway. Yeah, you were picked out as well. Madara himself found you living on the street and took you to Iwa. He is your savior."

"And my executioner." Deidara muttered under his breath. "Why do people like him exist?"

It was a rhetorical question and Itachi didn't bother answering. A moment later the blond stood up and continued his trek to the kitchen.

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The cool evening air brushed harshly against Itachi's face. The wind had picked up enough to blow some of the mists away and stars could be seen poking holes in the dark, moonless night. He had decided to take advantage of the quiet evening to be alone for a while. Of course, that hadn't quite worked out the way he expected. Sheeta and Aya had joined him and were now discussing the best places to go for honeymoons. Something neither girl expected they would be experiencing any time soon, considering their respective situations.

"So this is where you're hiding." Kisame stated as he walked through the garden and invited himself to sit down. Deidara was following close behind and dropped himself ungracefully onto the porch and leaned back against the building. "Sasuke still pouting?"

That statement didn't improve Itachi's mood any, "He's not pouting, he's just pre-occupied with other concerns right now."

"Hmm. So what's your dad up to this time?" It wasn't exactly a secret that Kisame hated Fugaku, although why, exactly, wasn't clear. Itachi almost suspected he was projecting his memories of his own father onto Fugaku. His partner had also grown up in a clan and had detested the regimented and restrictive lifestyle he had led while under its auspices.

"Nothing good, apparently. Don't actually know for sure." Itachi admitted. There was no point in keeping that a secret.

Deidara looked at his watch, "Maybe I'll go ask if he wants to go into the village for while. The stores will still be open for another two hours."

"Leave him alone for a while." Sheeta replied quietly, "Sasuke's had a bad day and probably wouldn't have much fun if he did go."

"'kay." Deidara relented. "I heard… Madara is his real dad."

"So that's out, huh?" Itachi snorted indignantly.

Kisame answered, "Madara told us a few minutes ago. Don't worry, he stressed the importance of secrecy in this matter."

Kisame was quiet for a while before speaking again, hesitantly, "I know what's going here… underground in the secret stadium."

That caught Itachi's attention, as well as Sheeta's and Aya's. All three looked at Kisame, waiting to hear what his next words would be.

"Is he being asked to fight?"

Itachi closed his eyes and withdrew into himself as the girls stood up and excused themselves, walking quickly out into the garden with bowed heads and heavy hearts.

"Hmm. Not surprised. It's to be expected after all. It wouldn't surprise me if this wedding was partially an excuse to get Sasuke out here. Do you think he's got a chance?" Kisame was speaking as if discussing the weather. It was disquieting and Itachi felt his annoyance levels rising.

Deidara interrupted, "What are you talking about?"

Kisame grinned, "One-on-one fights to the death. It used to be graduation exam here, but the Mizukage had to change the test a few years ago. Now it's just an Uchiha tradition."

"You have got to be kidding." Deidara stated flatly. "Who would be dumb enough to fall for that?"

"It's not a matter of 'falling for' anything." Kisame gave a short laugh before continuing, "Back in the Academy we weren't told a thing about what the exam was. Friendships were fostered, even encouraged. Then, on the last day, we were paired off with our best friends and ordered to fight to the death. Those who refused were blacklisted and not allowed to become shinobi."

"And you won." Deidara replied bitterly.

"Yeah."

The sound of a door opening and shutting cut the conversation short and everyone watched as Sasuke made his way across the room and out onto the porch. He was dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and a black sweatshirt that had a large Uchiha fan symbol stretched out across the front.

"Sasuke, are you feeling better?" Itachi inquired politely.

"Big brother… I have another question." There were dark circles under the boy's eyes and his posture was drooping. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week.

Itachi started to get up, but Kisame and Deidara beat him to it.

"We're leaving now." Kisame stated, "We came last anyway. Come on, Deidara. Let's go raid the kitchen."

"Sounds good. I could do with some snacks."

After they left Sasuke dropped down onto the floor and crossed his legs. "My question…"

Itachi waited for a couple minutes, "Yes?"

"What was the mission dad was talking about earlier? The one you can't do now?"

"Oh…" Itachi felt his blood run cold. The original mission was to kill Madara, but hadn't Fugaku mentioned that it may have changed?

"Is it that bad?"

"Sasuke, I don't know what it is now. What it was… at one time father wanted me to kill Madara. But it sounds like that changed… I really have no idea what he wants you to do. By the way," he changed the subject, hoping to draw Sasuke's attention away from his query, "Madara told Kisame and Deidara that you're his son."

"Why would he do that?" Sasuke asked, a hint of desperation in his voice, "It's embarrassing. Why didn't dad stop him? What about mom's feelings? Doesn't he even care?"

"He does." Itachi answered hesitantly. "I don't know what's going on here, though, any more than you do. But Sasuke, one thing that I have realized over the years is that father does care about all of us. Unfortunately, he's also the leader of the clan and we come second."

"Correction." Sasuke said, quietly, "You come second. Mom and me come last."

Itachi blinked twice in surprise, "I'm sorry Sasuke, but that's the way it is. I hope you understand now why I went to such great lengths to keep you from becoming father's heir. This way… your family will always come first."

Sasuke stood up and stretched, "I've made my decision then. I guess I'll just go back to my room and wait for dad to come by in the morning."

As the younger Uchiha made his way back into the house, Itachi resisted the temptation to ask his brother what he had decided. A sudden urge to find Fugaku and question him was also suppressed. He had no idea what his father was up to or where he had spent the day. Both him and Madara were absent from dinner, leaving Sora as the host.

Pulling his legs up to chest he rested his forehead on his knees and closed his eyes.

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The next morning found Sasuke waiting in his room, dressed in his usual black pants and blue Uchiha crest shirt. After deciding on a course of action he had finally been able to sleep; even his dreams had been calm. He was feeling a lot better and found himself looking forward to meeting up with Deidara later and hanging out. However, when his door slid open his heart lurched heavily as his father walked silently into the room.

"So, Sasuke. I've come for your answer." As always, he got right to the point.

Sasuke stood up slowly and crossed the room, stopping about three feet from Fugaku. The elder Uchiha closed the distance and place a hand on his son's shoulder.

"Father," Sasuke bowed respectfully, "I refuse."

The hand on his shoulder clenched reflexively before falling away. Sasuke looked up and was surprised when the man placed a hand on either side of his face and started caressing his cheeks with his thumbs.

"Wrong answer, Sasuke." Fugaku whispered, his voice full of regret. His eyes bled into their Mangekyou form and he pulled Sasuke closer, holding him against his chest, "I wanted you to do this of your own free will, but apparently that wasn't to be. Your purpose in life, in being born, was to be a spare should Itachi fail to live up to expectations. You will now fulfill that role. I could tell you I'm sorry, but the words would not be enough to mend the hole that is about to be cut into your heart."

For a man who was usually tongue-tied when it came to expressing his feelings, Sasuke found his father's speech to be rather touching. Although, on the whole, it was also extremely disturbing. Either way, he got the gist of it, and as his father activated a transportation jutsu to teleport the two of them away, he wondered if there was any way at all to escape this incredibly complicated web he had thought of as his life.

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The quiet solitude of the empty room was interrupted as the door slid quietly open. Itachi stepped in, fully expecting to see his father and brother, only to find Tama sniffing suspiciously at a particular spot on the floor. A moment later the cat disappeared. It was the first time he had directly seen the cat use a jutsu.

He knelt down and concentrated on the remnants of his families' chakra. "This can only mean…" Itachi's mind went into overdrive. Why had Fugaku whisked Sasuke away like that? If the boy had accepted, they could just walk to the underground stadium. It wasn't that far away. Of course, it's possible the "ceremony" was scheduled to start soon and Fugaku was just being impatient or he wanted to get Sasuke away before he could change his mind.

On the other hand, if Sasuke had refused and their father was going to make him fight anyway, then… "He would have to take him somewhere… keep him under guard until the fight began so he wouldn't run away."

Standing up quickly, he clenched his fists and yelled, "Damn it! I've got to find him!" Taking off at full speed, Itachi ran out into the late morning, heading for the underground stadium. As he made his way through the paths and over the small streams and ponds he prayed over and over that he wasn't going to be late because, deep in his heart, he somehow knew that his brother had refused the offer.

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Next week: The stadium of broken dreams. So, Sasuke refused the offer. However, Fugaku and Madara are bigger and stronger than him. Will Itachi make it in time to stop the fight and save his brother?

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