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Three hours later, they hadn't made it out of bed yet. Booth lay on his back with Brennan's head on his chest, playing with her hair and staring at the ceiling trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject he needed to discuss with her. She sighed and pushed herself up with a hand on his chest, looming over him and asked, "What's wrong, Booth?" She might have trouble reading the average person but she knew him very, very well. He brought a hand up to cup her cheek and smiled gently.
"You are so beautiful." She snorted and he laughed, pulling her down onto his chest and hugging her tightly. "I was so scared when we found your car and blood in that warehouse and couldn't find you. And then when we burst into that room and that psychopath was holding a knife to your throat." His entire body shuddered at the memory and the feelings it roused. His chin came to rest on the top of her head as she stroked her hands soothingly over his chest.
"I knew you would find me." There was such conviction in her voice that he knew she had never doubted it and he was awed and humbled by her trust and confidence in him. Now, he had to tell her why Perotta and Valdez had been able to take her in the first place.
"It was my fault that they were able to get to you in the first place." He expected her to agree with him. He didn't expect her to hoist herself back up and laugh in his face. "Hey, it's not funny. If I had been there, they would never have gotten near you," he insisted stubbornly. She cupped his face between her palms and leaned down to give him a tender, loving kiss.
"Booth, it wasn't your fault. I knew that you wouldn't like me going out by myself, but I went. I knew that something about that place wasn't right but I still went in." She was, apparently, finished. His hands were wandering over her back.
"So you're saying it was your fault?" She snorted and leaned down until her forehead rested against his.
"No, it wasn't my fault either." He looked very confused. "Booth, fault is associated with wrong doing. Neither you nor I did anything wrong. Logically, that leads me to the conclusion that Perotta and Valdez were completely at fault." She was right, Booth realized as if a light bulb had suddenly gone off in his head. He tangled a hand in her hair and pulled her down to nibble on her lips when her next question made him freeze.
"Where were you, Booth?" Time to fess up. He gave her a deep, thorough kiss then allowed her to pull back slightly with a sigh.
"I went to see Zach." She didn't look angry, only curious.
"I didn't know that you visited Zach." She smiled at the thought of Booth visiting Zach. Zach would like that.
"This was the first time. I went to talk to him about you, Bones." She sat up, drawing the sheet over her breasts and tucking it under her arms then drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
"What about me, Booth?" Her voice was soft, but devoid of emotion. He raised himself to a sitting position beside her.
"About whatever has been going on with you lately, that's giving you nightmares and that you won't talk to me about." He gently brushed the hair away from the side of her face, but she didn't look at him. She was staring straight ahead.
"Did he tell you?" She merely sounded curious but tension was invading her shoulders. He scooted around in front of her so that he could see her face.
"Yes, he told me that things were bad when I was dead." He winced at his own lack of sensitivity for using that word when she shuddered and buried her face against her knees.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly, stroking her arm from shoulder to elbow.
"I tried to tell you, Booth. But, you didn't seem to hear me." At first, he was a little insulted at her comment, but then he realized that she had tried to tell him. Not necessarily detailing her own reactions, but let him know how upset she had been with her anger and shutting him out and her visit to his bathroom (he remembered this one with a smile). And he had been so busy feeling sorry for himself because she hadn't cried at his funeral and proven to him that she felt something for him that he hadn't even noticed what she was trying so hard to show him, in her own special way.
"I'm sorry, Baby. You're right, I didn't get it then. Maybe, not even after I talked to Zach but I get it now." Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Her head lifted and she regarded him with a How so expression. His hand moved from her shoulder to her hair, stroking and tucking it behind her ear as he put his thoughts in order.
"I was a wreck when we couldn't find you. I was driving ….." Her voice cut through his words.
"Did you think I was dead?" God, no, he'd never once allowed his mind to even consider the possibility. He answered her softly.
"No, Baby. I knew we'd find you alive."
"Then you don't know how I felt. Not really." He stiffened at her words. He could see that she genuinely wasn't saying anything to be mean, she was simply stating facts, as she saw them, but still he was a little hurt that she so easily dismissed his suffering at her disappearance. But he couldn't afford to nurse hurt feelings right now, not when she seemed willing to talk to him about this for the first time. Or at least, the first time that he was aware of.
"Then tell me, Baby. Make me understand." She bit her lip and regarded him consideringly. She closed her eyes and took and released two deep breaths and when she opened her eyes, Booth saw that they were a clouded with pain. He wanted to grab her to him and tell her that she never had to think about that again but knew that if she didn't get it out she would continue to think of it. She needed to talk about her pain and he deserved to have to hear about it, being the cause and all.
"I was missing for less than two days and you never thought I was dead. I saw you shot in front of me, taking a bullet that was meant for me and was told that you were dead. For two weeks, Booth, I went through every single day thinking that I would never see your face or hear your voice again." Her voice broke and tears were streaking her cheeks. Booth drew her into his arms and she let him, burying her head against his neck and continuing. "I woke up every morning happy that I would be seeing you soon and then I remembered that I would never see you again and it seemed as if you died right in front of me again." Sobs were shaking her slender body. Booth tightened his hold and stroked her back, he listened as she talked until she was hoarse about how much losing him had hurt, about how guilty she felt, how she grieved for him, the nightmares that were so disturbing that she simply avoided sleep until Cam threatened to drug her. She was not nearly as detailed as Zach about her actual behavior during that time, but she clearly didn't remember a lot of it. She was, however, devastatingly clear on the emotions his death generated. He flinched at each word, his heart breaking with every sob, every tear that he was responsible for. He listened until his tears were mingling with hers and he was whispering a litany of I'm sorry against her cheek.
She was absolutely right, he realized. He didn't know how she had felt. Not really. As much pain, fear and grief as he had felt when she was missing, he couldn't imagine how badly it would have hurt him if he had gotten to her too late. And he didn't want to. Nobody could possibly imagine that kind of pain without losing someone they loved, deeply. In that moment, he loathed himself. It was a wonder she would even speak to him, much less be willing to build a life with him. He didn't deserve to have her in his life. How could she ever forgive him for causing her that kind of pain? He didn't think he would ever forgive himself, but he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to her and making sure that she was never hurt like that again, at least by him. Dropping another kiss on her cheek, he uttered his most heartfelt wish.
"I just hope that you can forgive me someday, Baby." Her head came up and she regarded him with surprise in her tear drenched blue eyes.
"I already have forgiven you, Booth." Well, color him surprised. More like shocked. He swiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and looked directly into her eyes.
"How could you forgive me for that?" Yes, he knew that it made no sense for him to question how it was possible to give him what he had just asked for. She shrugged.
"I don't know, Booth. I don't even know when. I just know that when I was kidnapped, I didn't question that you would find me. I trusted you, so I knew that I had forgiven you. Maybe, it's because I love you," she mused. Just when he thought that he couldn't love her more than he already did, she forgave the unforgivable and it felt as if his love for her doubled. Her tears had finally dried up. He couldn't resist bringing her lips to his for a kiss, trying to convey with that one kiss how much she meant to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss, but he could see her eyelids drooping, so he pulled back. Not very flattering that your kisses could put someone to sleep he thought with an internal grin, but she had lost out on a lot of sleep and had just been through an emotional trauma on top of a kidnapping and seeing two people killed in front of her. He twisted his body and laid back against the pillows, drawing her down with him and settling them both comfortably.
"Besides, it's not your fault," she murmured through a yawn. Somehow, he knew exactly what she was talking about.
"Then whose fault is it?"
"Sweets." Her eyelids were drooping. His mind raced back to what she had said about guilt and wrong doing and he frowned.
"Why is it Sweets fault?"
"Because he was experimenting on us." Her eyes closed and her breathing evened out, indicating that she was asleep. Booth forced himself to relax his body and his fists so that he wouldn't disturb her slumber. She needed the rest. What the hell did she mean by he was experimenting on them? But he already knew. That little dweeb had deliberately inflicted severe emotional torture on the woman that he loved just so he could study her reactions. He was so going to pay for that.
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Brennan left her office in irritation with Sweets trailing behind her. It had been over a week since her abduction and he refused to believe that she was coping with what had happened. Instead, he seemed to be making it his mission in life to "help" her, following her around like a puppy dog, constantly trying to get her to talk about her experiences. It was driving her insane. Until now, she had politely declined his requests for her to increase her sessions with him, but she was busy and she was finally fed up.
"Sweets!" The note of command in her voice stopped him in his tracks. "I see you more than enough already. Increasing my sessions with you offers me no benefits whatsoever. Now, go away." Her voice added before I kill you and dispose of the body. He went, but she knew that he'd be back. She had already scared him away several times but he always came back, she thought morosely.
Angela had watched this little exchange from the platform through narrowed eyes. She had been working on a little surprise for Sweets and thought that now would be the perfect time to give it to him. He needed to be taught a lesson for everything that he had done to Brennan and Booth and it would, almost certainly, distract him and get him out of Bren's hair. Win/win in Angela's estimation. Spotting Brennan headed to Limbo, she smiled. Perfect. Turning to Hodgins and Cam she announced, "Family meeting," and strode off the platform, heading toward her office. Hearing Cam behind her, she glanced around to see Hodgins headed toward Limbo. "Hodgie, where are you going?" she called out.
"I'm going to get Bren for the family meeting." He answered walking backward. Angela shook her head and shot him a grin that did not bode well for someone and he hoped it wasn't him that she had it in for. He was certain that it wasn't Brennan, but then why didn't she want her in the family meeting? With a mental shrug, he decided that it was just too confusing to try to figure out how Angela's mind worked. He wasn't even sure that was possible. He headed for her office to find out what was on her mind.
Angela closed her office door behind the three of them and turned to Hodgins and Cam gesturing toward the round table in the corner of her office. They looked at each other a little nervously and seated themselves at the table, waiting for Angela to state the purpose of the meeting. She gave them both a sly grin that made them more than a little nervous.
"So, I've been thinking about something for a while now…" Hodgins piped in with a question.
"Angela, why didn't you want Bren in this meeting?" he asked suspiciously. Angela shot him a disgruntled look that said she was not happy about the interruption. Then she gave him a smile and patted his hand. Yep, she was definitely up to no good. Hodgins leaned forward eagerly to find out exactly what that was.
"Because, Hodgie, I don't think Bren would approve of my little plan." Now Cam was the suspicious one.
"What plan, Angela?" Angela heaved an irritated sigh and looked at them both sternly. They leaned back in their chairs and motioned that she had the floor.
"As I was saying," she was smiling but they heard the implied before I was so rudely interrupted and grinned at each other, "I've been thinking about something for a while now. And I think that now is the perfect time to put it into action." She was bouncing up and down in her chair in excitement. Cam and Hodgins were baffled and their looks told her so. She deflated instantly. Hodgins scratched his head, trying to think of the perfect question. Without it, they could be here for hours having a very convoluted conversation. Finally, he thought he had it.
"Ange, what plan is it that you don't think Bren will approve of?" Cam beamed at him for coming up with that question. Until she heard Angela's answer.
"That would be my plan to make Sweets suffer. I want him to feel like he has descended into the pits of hell." Her vengeful voice trailed off at the looks of shock and concern on Hodgins and Cam's faces.
"Why?" whispered Cam.
"Because he deserves it," snapped Angela, her look saying that Cam was an idiot for not already knowing this. Hodgins regained his voice after gulping a few times.
"Ange, why does he deserve it?" Angela beamed at Hodgins and Cam was a little put out that she got the idiot look for the same question.
"Because, Hodgie, he's messed with Bren one too many times already and now he won't leave her alone about the kidnapping thing. He needs to be taught how it feels for someone to mess with your life," there was pure steel in her voice, "and your mind," she added with an evil grin.
"How has he messed with Brennan's life?" Cam was at a loss. She knew that Sweets could be a pain in the butt and was eternally grateful that she wasn't required to see him on a regular basis, but this was extreme even for Angela. Angela looked at her incredulously.
"Cam, he almost got her killed by not telling her about psycho Barbie." Ah, Angela was angry that Sweets hadn't warned Booth and Brennan about Perotta. While Cam felt this episode called his judgment into serious question, she wasn't sure that he deserved to be plummeted to the depths of hell for this one transgression. Cam looked up to argue with Angela but Hodgins jumped in.
"What else, Ange." His eyes hadn't left her face since she dropped her little bombshell and there was something much bigger than Perotta that she thought Sweets deserved punishment for. Angela's eyes dropped to her clenched hands. She knew she had to tell them if she wanted their help, but it tore her up to even think about it. She took a deep breath and raised her head.
"Sweets didn't tell the FBI not to notify Bren that Booth wasn't dead for national security." She rolled her eyes and did air quotes around national security. "He did it so he could see how she reacted. So that he could study her like a lab rat." She echoed the words she'd heard Brennan hiss at Sweets that day on the stairs. She had been furious that Sweets would do something like that but had patiently waited for Brennan and/or Booth to punish him. She had personally thought that they let him off way to easy, but when he put Brennan in danger with Perotta, she couldn't help but wonder if it was for the same purpose. To see what happened and study her reaction, especially with the way he was hounding her now. Well, he hadn't seen her real reaction to Booth's death because they had all shielded her, but Angela decided if he was that curious then he should get personally acquainted with how he'd made Bren feel. The unnatural silence that had descended on the room after Angela's announcement was broken as Hodgins regained his voice.
"He did what?" he yelled. He didn't really need Angela to repeat it, he was just expressing his outrage. How could he have deliberately put another human being through something that emotionally traumatic? It was akin to a surgeon performing open heart surgery on a patient without benefit of anesthesia just to see if it hurt. What about the do no harm oath? His mind whirled with a million thoughts but the clearest thing was a mental picture of Brennan, defeated and broken, and he thought that no matter what Angela wanted to do to Sweets, he deserved worse. He laid his hand in the middle of the table, palm down and looked at Angela levelly. "I'm in."
Cam had jumped up and started pacing at Angela's statement. She wrapped her arms around her middle and her jaw tightened as she remembered those horrible, awful days. She and the other squints had grieved over Booth's death, but Brennan had crawled so deeply into herself that she was not even a person anymore, merely a shell. Thank God, she had come back to them, but for those days in Limbo Cam had doubted that she would ever be a whole person again and that teenager playing at being a grownup had done that to her deliberately, to study her. With no more thought to the mental anguish he would cause than if she had, in reality, been a lab rat. That was unconscionable and completely unacceptable. Whirling, she marched back to the table and placed her hand on top of Hodgins. "I'm in." Angela placed her hand on top and they all leaned in to discuss the comeuppance of one Dr. Lance Sweets.