"Look, Britt, I love you. I do. I also know you're here for Mike and his first playoff game—" Santana began, yawning as she tried to be as pleasant as possible. Even though it was insanely early on a Saturday morning, a morning which she had needed to drag herself out of bed to stop Brittany from waking up CJ by banging on the door. "But I don't see why you need to crash with us and not him." She rubbed her eye as she moved to make herself a cup of coffee.

"Because I'm not allowed to have sex with him or something," Brittany responded crinkling her nose. "Is that a thing? You're not allowed to have sex during playoffs?"

Santana cleared her throat, it had been two weeks since she had seen Charlie. Things had undeniably been awkward between them, with Charlie attempting to start things up again between them. She had ignored his texts for more family time, and dinner dates until he finally got the message. "Maybe, I don't know. Charlie was never really in the mood during playoffs." Santana responds turning to look at Brittany. She shoots her sister-in-law an unamused look when Brittany gags. "I don't think it's a hard and fast rule. Though I think it's mostly telling them to focus on the championship. No drama."

Brittany pouted at the idea, "Well, I think Mike should still be a bit more considerate and handle my needs as well. All because it's playoffs doesn't mean that I shouldn't get laid." Brittany mutters mostly under her breath.

"Well, that's fine, I get it, you won't be able to keep your hands off him. But why not crash at Charlie's?" Santana presses again. It wasn't as if she didn't want Brittany around but she did have a schedule for her kids and Brittany was the beloved aunt who wrecked all her plans.

"He said no, something about how when he was in LA and wanted to crash at my place I said no to him because I wanted to sleep with Mike. He's getting lessons from Quinn on how to hold a grudge. He forgets that it took nearly a month to get his stink out of my apartment after he moved. Plus, I found some of his underwear left behind. It was disgusting. How could you live with that?"

"We had a maid and when he was in one of his moods I had a squirt bottle," Santana smirked. Charlie would get frisky after his workouts, generally when he was his sweatiest and she would need to squirt him to make him get off. It usually ended with her joining him in his shower.

"And you have two boys," Brittany shakes her head. "You have no idea how bad it's going to be."

Santana rolled her eyes and pushed a mug towards Brittany, "I'm more concerned about the amount of food the two of them are going to consume as for the stink—well I have a hose."

Brittany shook her head and was about to say something when something latched onto her leg and she looked down after nearly jumping in shock. "CJ? What are you doing out of bed?"

Santana groaned, she had given up on keeping the child gates in front of the stairs after seeing CJ attempt to climb it. She watched as Brittany hoisted him up and he immediately began to cling to her. "I need to invest in one of those children leashes."

CJ spat out his pacifier, turning to his mom and making a face. "Hungy. Mommy. Hungy!"

"Of course you are," Santana rolls her eyes. "See, like I said I'm more concerned about the food then I am about the smell." Santana shakes her head and opens the cabinet to see if she could find CJ some cereal to munch on before she actually began to make breakfast.

Brittany smiled as Santana put a bowl of Cheerios in front of him and she reached for some only to have CJ smack her hand away. She puffs out her cheeks, this was most definitely Charlie's son. "So how are things with you and Sebastian? He seems nice—"

"CJ called him daddy in front of Charlie," Santana interrupts. "It started this thing. Sebastian is trying to become more involved which is problematic because Max loathes him, and Bela is indifferent to Sebastian. I don't think she likes him but she doesn't really hate him either. Either way, I need to break up with him. No matter what I feel about Charlie, CJ is his son. I don't want him growing up confused about that or want him to love a man that isn't his father more."

Brittany nods, it made sense, "Did Charlie punch him? Sebastian?"

"Charlie's never been in anything more than a shoving match if he punched someone he'd break his hand and you would have known about it." Santana snorted shaking her head. It was odd, her ex was not one for machismo, but a line had been crossed and even though she had ripped into him, she may have been far too harsh. "Britt, do you think I should—"

Brittany frowns when her phone begins to ring and vibrate loudly, startling CJ whose face scrunches up as he reaches for his mom wanting to be held. She glances down and smirks when she sees who is calling 'Q-tip.' "Quinnie!" She squeals, pushing the speakerphone button.

'Please tell me you've already seen the news.' Quinn grunts out, not sure how she's always the one who ends up in this position. She's in a crappy mood, especially since she got blindsided on a stupid ass radio show. Why the hell her producers thought the cross promotion would be a good idea was already something she was prepared to raise hell over.

Brittany frowns and glances at Santana who shrugs. "What news? Oh god does Charlie have another sex tape out?"

'No, some idiot decided to film in the locker room and it got leaked. Mike's in it and Charlie says some shitty things, but I don't think he knew he was being recorded—'

"Which moron broke the code? And why is this news? It's a locker room they aren't talking about what books they've read recently." Santana interrupts. "Surprise, a bunch of athletes said derogatory things about women in the locker room, yes I know what goes on in there. Charlie painted a picture and as long as he's not talking about our sex life I really don't care."

'Well, he was talking about you—not about your sex life and Mike was talking about some girl that he's—'

"He what?" Brittany sat up. "Is he cheating on me? I knew it."

"No you moron, he was probably talking about you." Santana snaps. She's a little sympathetic, after all she knows what it feels like to be the center of a media spectacle through no fault of her own. But the fact that Quinn had called Brittany meant that it was Charlie who had yet again made a mess of things. "What'd he say Quinn?"

'Uh—'

"What. Did. He. Say?"

'I'm sending you the link to the video.' Quinn allows instead. 'Just called to let you know, I've got to get to the studio. Talk to you guys later.'

Wordlessly, Santana puts CJ in his high chair, he probably wouldn't pay attention when there was food in front of him unless Little Einstein was on. "Alright then, let's see what I'm inevitably going to be grilled on."

"Do you think that's the best idea? Maybe—"

Santana took Brittany's phone from her and pressed the link that Quinn had sent. The video immediately starting to load. "I'm not going to be mad at him, it was a private conversation and some idiot recorded him without knowing and posted it. I just need to know so I can control the narrative."

Brittany bit her lip, Santana probably knew how to handle this better than she did and if he had cheated on her Charlie would have probably given her the heads up. He could do whatever he wanted, especially with stuff like that. "Okay—ooh there's Mike."

'Man, you should have seen her, fucking sucking on my dick like it was fucking candy. She was a fucking cum dumpster, bitch thinks I'm going to make her my wife or some shit. I'm already engaged to a fucking classy lady. You know what they say, you want a classy lady but a freak in the sheets.'

Santana raised a brow, that was most definitely Anthony Rashad, whatever Charlie had said was probably worse than that. He wasn't nearly as big a star as Charlie was but he was a decent enough player that most people in Cleveland knew his name.

'Speaking of fucking cum dumps, what about that girl Mike was with last night, she was definitely thirsty for Chang. Probably was terrified that one of our dicks would fucking ruin her.'

Santana raised a brow and turned to look over at Brittany as the camera wheeled around to Mike, catching a bit of his ass as he pulled on some boxers. She recognized the voice, he had been at Max's party, definitely the newest rookie on the team. Jake Puckerman, she almost felt sorry for him. He was only twenty and this little shit show was going to haunt him. "Is what they say about Asian men true?"

"No! Mike's perfectly fine, it's more than enough for me." Brittany huffed puffing out her cheeks. He really was fine and more importantly he knew how to use it.

Mike sighed turning to Jake in the video, 'It wasn't like that.'

Charlie enters the frame, walking between Mike as the camera's focus and whoever is recording this. He's not wearing anything more than a towel and clearly doesn't care about this conversation, 'It better not have been like that since you're banging Fabray's sister too.' The camera jostles for a second and turns to look at Charlie who is glaring at the man in question. 'No disrespect. But if there is anyone who is king of the easy pussy and banging fucking thirsty-ass women, it's you. What's the secret?'

Santana leans forward as Charlie shakes his head and opens his mouth to say something. This conversation could go a million ways.

'The secret is that easy pussy isn't worth it.' Charlie says after a moment as he grabs his shorts and boxers and pulls them on, letting his towel fall to the ground. There's a flash of his dick, judging from the pixelation.

'Come on, you've got to have been living it up since your divorce aren't you banging that Dani chick? Fuck tell us how that celebrity pussy tastes man—is she a fucking freak—you know thirsty for your cock.'

'The last pussy I was in was my ex-wifes.'

Some of the guys laugh and Santana ignores Brittany's searching look. It's by far not the worst thing he could have said. And depending when this was taken the last person who she had been intimate was with him.

'No fucking way, you two are still doing it?'

'None of your fucking business. Look, you want my fucking opinion? Best pussy in the world is your partner's pussy. All that easy pussy? You're just going to get yourself into trouble. I'm a fucking cautionary tale to all you fucking assholes. You fuck with a pussy that doesn't belong to your wife and next thing you know you get kicked out of your house, you get handed divorce papers and cause of what we do no judge in their right fucking mind is going to award you with fucking custody. Plus she sells all your shit cause she's sort of a bitch. So you're stuck paying child support, and alimony and you get to see your fucking wife with some other fucking dickhead and you can't do shit about it. Cause you don't want a restraining order even though you still fucking love her. Moral of the story? Don't fuck easy pussy. Earn that shit.'

The video cuts off and Brittany looks at Santana, "I mean it wasn't that bad—but you heard them, Mike saw some girl!"

"Mike isn't a dipshit, like those other guys. If only because he knows that fucking with you will have his ass shipped to fucking Milwaukie, or worse Utah, or Canada." Santana shuddered and looked over at CJ who seemed to be happily stuffing more cereal into his mouth. The language wasn't something that she wanted repeated so him not paying attention was a god send. Now, the real question was how was she going to sit the kids down and explain it.

"Don't be mad at him." Brittany interrupts Santana's internal monologue. "He hasn't slept with a girl in years according to this video."

"We don't know when that video was taken, it was probably months ago." Santana dismisses with a wave of her hand. "I know he's at least gotten some action since the divorce."

"Oh?"

"Not like that. The asshole left his perfume soaked boxers all over his apartment." Santana lies. She doesn't know that but she needed to focus on one problem at a time, not on Brittany's attempt to push them back together. Brittany wasn't exactly subtle and predicting her reactions was pretty easy when all she had to do was imagine what Bela would do and plan accordingly. It was scarily accurate. "Maybe I should release a statement on twitter."

"Santana—he didn't know he was being recorded and it wasn't even that bad! Mike might be cheating on me and you two are already divorced. We need to focus on the real problem. Me."

"Your boyfriend isn't cheating on you. You're fine Brittany. And I'm not going to write anything negative. I'm just going to call him an idiot, and mention how after they mess up they always come back running. Maybe I'll throw in a hashtag and direct it at Charlie."

"That's cool but what about me! What am I going to do about Mike!"

"Hey Aunt Brittany," Max yawned as he stumbled into the kitchen rubbing his eye. "Is Mike coming?"

"No! I never want to see him again!" Brittany huffed. "He was getting naked with—"

"Brittany." Santana snaps at her as Max's eyes widen. "Ignore her. She doesn't know anything for a fact. Also avoid ESPN."

"Dad got in trouble again?" Max shook his head.

"Yes. Well—someone recorded a private conversation in the locker room and he said a few bad words, ignore it. I'm not mad at him, and you shouldn't be upset with him either."

"Are you not mad at him because you two had sex? Bela said she heard you."

"Wait! What?" Brittany turned to Santana staring at her. "When did this happen?"

Max reached for some of CJ's cereal only for his brother to bang on his hands. He didn't even notice the acidic look his mom was giving him as he continued to talk. "When we went camping. I thought they were fighting but they said they weren't and when I went to tell Bela about the two of them making up she said that they were having sex and I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin anything." Santana assures him. "We weren't having sex." She tells Brittany before her sister-in-law can push this any further.

"Bela said you guys were going to get back together." Max munches, his mouth full of semi-masticated cereal chunks.

"Really? What else did Bela say?" Brittany presses.

"Okay. Look. Your father is a dork, he's the biggest dork that I've ever met. Occasionally, rarely, it happens once in a blue moon, he is very—friendly."

Brittany arches her brow. "Friendly? That's what you're going with?"

Santana shoots Brittany a glare and Brittany merely laughs in return. "Yes. We're just friendly."

Max stared at his mom like she had lost her mind, "Dad's always friendly. It's part of his job, remember?"

Brittany snorted as Santana stuttered at being caught. "I think what your mom means is that occasionally my brother can be pretty charming. And sometimes your mom finds him very—irresistible because she thinks he's super-hot."

"Oh." Max frowned. "Bela says I'm a dork all the time—does that mean I'm going to be just like dad when I grow up?"

"Okay, that's enough. Max, sweetie, your father and I are not getting back together. Your father and I—things are not okay between us, but there are times when it's very easy to forget that things aren't okay. This was one of those times. It won't happen again."

"Bullshit," Brittany sneezes.

Santana rolls her eyes. She does not need this on top of everything else.

Max deflates a little, clearly disappointed. "Oh. Did I ruin it?" He bites his lip somewhat nervously. His parents had been happy and he hasn't seen his dad since they went camping.

"Maxie, no. You didn't ruin anything between your father and I, we're getting along so much better.

"Are you lying?" Max narrows his eyes at his mother suspiciously before swallowing heavily. "I did ruin it."

Santana groans. Fuck, could her kids be any more like her? Why couldn't they be like her ex-husband. Her sweet slightly socially dim ex-husband. "We decided we should be friends."

"That's not what you said on the balcony." Bela sang as she entered the kitchen.

"For fucks sake Bela! Stop being a little shit!" Santana snaps at her daughter.

"No." Bela responds grinning.

Brittany looked between Bela and Santana, before humming and wrapping her arm around her niece. "So tell me everything Bela, don't leave out any off the details. I'll take you to Ihop! We'll eat all the bacon we can manage."

"Hey what about us!" Max frowned.

Brittany glances at him and then reaches for Santana's purse pulling out some money, she grins at the two hundred dollar bills. "Right, all you can eat bacon on your mom!"

"Brittany that's—"

"AWESOME! Come on CJ we're going to eat so much bacon today!" Max said pulling his brother free. "Let's go get dressed.

Santana twitched, of all the times for Charlie to be too busy to deal with his children, this had to be the worst. She had given him a pass for playoffs but if Bela was going to be an all-knowing little shit, then the kids were going to have to deal with their father being highly irritable. That would teach them. She puffs out her cheek, these were the times she missed him the most.