Chapter XXXVI
The bunkhouse was almost empty but for Kid who lay on his bed quietly reading. Some of the boys were away on rides, and Jimmy and Noah were giving Teaspoon a hand with some chores at his office. The Southerner gladly welcomed the peace and quiet the bunkhouse offered him today. He really needed the time to ponder about his problems even though thinking about them wouldn't make them lessen their gravity or disappear.
Louise continued with the same stiff attitude towards him, but yesterday surprisingly when Kid had asked her how she was like he did every day, she had actually answered. It had been a curt, cold and stiff 'fine', but it had felt so good. Louise had really talked to him, which made him hope that it was possible for them to patch things up. It killed the Southerner to realize how bad the situation between them was. He had begrudgingly conformed himself to the fact that Lou was not for him, but he wanted nothing more than to be her friend and talk to her.
Kid fondly remembered how easily they had been able to converse during that short spell their romance had lasted. Lou used to tell him everything that crossed her mind, everything but about her "problems" or her life at the asylum. Kid recalled with special fondness the day they had gone riding together, and she had told him about her innocent and delightful dreams. That time seemed to have happened in another lifetime, and it hurt to think that those moments would never come back.
The door clicked open, and Jimmy stepped into the bunkhouse. He crossed the length of the room and stood in front of his friend's bunk while resting his arm on the one above, but he didn't say a word. Kid looked up from his book and asked, "Anything I can do for you, Jimmy?"
"Could you take my afternoon ride, Kid? I've left Sundancer at Doctor Wheeler's… you know… he's been limping lately and well… I want to check what's wrong with him later."
Kid chuckled at the comment while he asked, "Worried about your horse, Jimmy?" Hickock made an unhappy gesture when he recognized the tease in his friend's voice and the Southerner added, "You're all constantly making fun of me because of my fondness of Katy, and apparently I ain't the only one who cares for their animals."
Jimmy did not find it humorous at all to be on the receiving end of his friend's amusement and said in a gruff voice, "Are you gonna take my ride or not?"
"All right, all right, I'll take your ride," Kid replied and turned his attention back to his book while a smile still tugged at her mouth.
Jimmy sat down on the bench along the table just opposite his friend and watched how engrossed he was in his book. "What are you reading, Kid? You've had your nose stuck in that book for the last couple of weeks."
"It's one Mr. Lloyd lent me … all that stuff about mental disorders," Kid replied, closing the book and showing the cover to Jimmy, who silently mouthed the title. "A couple of days ago he also sent me a few press clippings about those doctors' work with mental patients and a list of hospitals belonging to something called the Kirkbride plan, some kind of system where these patients are apparently well cared for."
"So is it any good?"
"Well, of the little I can understand in this book I can't really say. It's quite depressing," Kid admitted ruefully," but it's amazing the way they treat their patients … with such care, respect, attention… but …"
"But what?"
"Look at this," said Kid, showing his friend one of the newspaper clippings that Mr. Lloyd had sent him. On the paper there was a drawing of a man sitting on a stout chair, his limbs attached to the arms and legs of the seat by leather straps and a gag over his mouth.
"What on earth is this?" Jimmy asked, creasing his forehead in confusion.
"It's called 'the restraining chair'," Kid simply said while he handed his friend another small newspaper article in which another man was tied to some kind of plank. Jimmy sent the Southerner a quizzical look and he explained, "This one's called 'the spinning board'. They strap the person onto it and make them turn round and round."
"What for?" Hickok questioned again with an expression of disgust.
"Apparently it improves the circulation of blood to the brain."
"And these are supposed to clear up people's minds?" Jimmy remarked with a bemused smirk. "If you ask me, they'd probably turn them even crazier."
"I can't see Lou going through all that, but I'm sure that hospital is a better place than the asylum we took her out of, remember?" Kid muttered as he rose from the bed and sat next to his friend.
Hickok nodded at the question and added, "Maybe those gadgets really do work, and ain't as much a torture as they look. After all we ain't doctors, Kid."
"Yeah, maybe," Kid let out, uncertainty evident in his voice.
"Have you talked to Boggs about all this? Maybe you should ask him."
"No, I haven't," Kid admitted with a rueful expression, his fingers playing with the uneven surface of the table. "I ain't sure myself, Jimmy. That hospital and all the others on that list are too far away… in the east. If she's sent there, that would ruin any possibilities for her to be part of our baby's life."
The comment surprised the long-haired rider who looked at his friend with a puzzled frown. "Do you really intend to let your child get to know her?"
"Of course I do!" Kid exclaimed. "Lou's my baby's mother and no matter what everybody may think, she would never do any harm to her own child!"
"I didn't mean she would, Kid," Jimmy defended himself. "All I'm saying is that your child might get a little confused. Two mamas, one at home and one in a madhouse."
At his words Kid hesitated but despite his own common sense, he held on to his idea stubbornly. "Children are tougher and smarter than we think."
"Well, if this child is anything like its daddy, I ain't so sure about that," Jimmy quipped in a teasing tone, but the comment did not have the expected effect. The Southerner kept staring at his friend with a bleak expression. Yeah, Jimmy was right. He wasn't the smartest man around, and all he did lately meant trouble and problems for the woman he loved. Hickok noticed his bitter countenance and added, "Come on, Kid. Cheer up. I was just winding you up."
The Southerner let out a deep sigh while saying, "I'm so confused, Jimmy." He paused briefly and then asked, "Tell me something. What would you do if you were in my place?"
"Kid, what do you want to do?" the long-haired rider asked instead of answering his friend's question.
The Southerner stared at Jimmy instantly for a few seconds and then he said, "I want to take her very far away, far from her demons, far from her miseries, far from herself."
"That ain't possible, is it?"
Kid simply shook his head, and resting his elbows on the table he buried his face in his hands. Jimmy slapped him on the shoulder comfortingly while he rose to his feet. "Don't despair, Kid." For a moment he was speechless, unable to find the words which could give some comfort to his friend and he eventually said, "Maybe this ride is just what you need to air your thoughts and your problems."
Kid looked up and stretching his lips in a strange way he muttered, "Thank you, Jimmy."
"No, thank you for taking my ride," Hickok replied while he ambled to the door. "But look out what you say. I'll have to kill you if you no more than breathe the reason why I've swapped rides with you." The two friends shared a few laughs at the comment, and then Jimmy added, "I'd better head back for town now. Teaspoon must be wondering where I have got lost."
"Bye, Jimmy," Kid replied, watching his friend slide through the door. He stayed seated on the bench for a few minutes, feeling shattered and drained of all energy. Maybe Jimmy was right and this ride would do him good. He needed to see everything with a fresh perspective without Patricia or anybody else in the way. His head was in a jumble, and lately he had started contemplating whether he should keep his engagement with his fiancée. When they started courting, it had been relatively easy. Lou wasn't around… at least not physically… and her continuous presence was a real reminder of what he really wanted. Now he was gradually coming to realize that he didn't love Patricia the way she deserved. It wouldn't be right for him to force her into a marriage that was doomed to fail to start with just because he needed a mother for his baby. He had to think everything through, and this was just what he needed to open his eyes to reality.
The ride to Fort Laramie had been smooth, problem-free and even boring. Kid would have welcomed any interruption to distract himself from his own thoughts. However much he played with his problems in his head, he had not managed to untangle his muddled mind. He knew that his situation had no easy solution. The longer he pondered it the more convinced he was that he shouldn't marry Patricia. His feelings were in a jumble but there was only one truth that he had no doubts about: he loved Lou with the kind of affection reserved only for the woman he wanted to marry. What he felt for Patricia was not even close, and he feared that he would end up regretting her or even resenting her.
The Southerner knew that it wasn't right for him to force such a situation onto his fiancée. She was a lovely girl who any man would want to wed, but the problem was that his heart belonged to somebody else. An unfeasible love, a dream, a fantasy, but he had to admit that he couldn't fight it. He had done so for months now, and it had been an impossible task. Of course he couldn't pursue it, but at least accepting what he couldn't have might bring him some peace of mind. Yet, new complications arose from the admittance of his truth. Would he be able to break up with Patricia? He knew he'd break her heart, but that was naturally something unavoidable. The notion left him troubled and restless. Finishing their relationship wasn't a piece of cake at all and he was aware of what it would mean to Patricia. Her reputation would suffer logically when their break-up became public knowledge. People could be so malicious and cruel and there was always a snide remark or a pointedly raised eyebrow when a woman was known to have been jilted by her man. Rumors spread and she might be thought of as unsuitable for marriage. Kid knew that he wouldn't want that to happen to Patricia, and he'd rather say that it had been her idea of finishing their engagement than the other way round. Even though Kid now knew he didn't love her in a romantic fashion, he wouldn't want her to suffer a bad reputation for his sake.
Kid spent the night in the local hotel in Fort Laramie, treated himself to a nice, warm meal at the restaurant and even had more time to consider his situation. Strangely enough, he felt very lonely and had a strong longing for Lou. He wished she were there with him, and as he walked from the restaurant to the hotel under the stars, a sweet memory came to his mind. It was that time they had sat below the starry sky. It had been the first time they had really talked and the memory was etched on his mind, and no matter how long ago it was, he knew he would never forget the expression of her lovely face that day. He wished with all his heart they would be able to walk under the stars hand in hand, with no restrictions, no worries, no cares. His wishes, though, were like his love for her, simply impossible to fulfill.
The following morning Kid set off just at the crack of dawn, and he foresaw that the ride to Sweetwater would also be without incident. Yet, when he was about one hour from his final destination, the sound of bullets received him. Without a second thought, the rider spurred his mare towards the place where the shots came from. At once he saw three riders, their faces hidden behind bandannas, attacking a wagon. Kid could not see the carriage's occupants, but he guessed they must have hidden and taken refuge behind the wagon as he could perceive the bullets coming from that direction. When he was at a reasonable distance, the Southerner took aim and shot, dropping one of the highwaymen, but before he could run to a hideout, a second man shot. The first bullet whizzed past his head dangerously but the second one hit him squarely on his shoulder, dropping him off Katy. Pain surged through his body, the sound of bullets deadening little by little, and as finally just silence surrounded darkness spread into his mind, sending him into unconsciousness.
With a big smile Rachel put the last stitches to the hem of the material she held in her hands. Lately she had been in the mood for changing some bits and pieces around her home, and had started with renewing the curtains of all the rooms. It had been a lot of extra work for her, but the station mistress didn't mind it a bit. With the new drapes the whole house seamed different and jollier. The ones she had inherited from Emma were getting a bit worn, and it was high time they were finally changed. The fabric she had turned into beautiful ones was the last one… the one for Lou's room.
Rachel headed for the girl's bedroom. Things between her and Louise were changing little by little. She was starting to trust her again, and even though the rift wasn't completely mended, the station mistress was happy to be able to talk with the girl in the same way as they had previously done. Despite all her problems, Lou was a charming and clever young lady as Rachel had known from the beginning. In all honesty the station mistress had to admit that Louise was the only female she felt really close to. Most women in this town were not the kind that she would seek to befriend. When she had first arrived in Sweetwater, the majority of ladies had looked down on her, but paradoxically when she had married John, this stilted attitude had radically changed. With this marriage she had improved her social state, had kind of climbed a few steps in this local hierarchy, and people had been willing to befriend the banker's new bride.
All this just showed that it was a town full of hypocrites and Rachel didn't feel like having any close bonds with that kind of individuals. All those ladies were all the same and not even Patricia, who was a usual visitor at the station, was better. Clearly the girl put on airs and was a popular little gossip like the rest of the townsfolk. No, Rachel told herself, she didn't want to have anything to do with that two-faced lot. By contrast, Louise was so straightforward and natural. There were no games or insincerity with her. She always blurted out what she thought no matter the consequences. Rachel knew that her lack of control was due to her special conditions, but all in all, the station mistress really felt at ease when she was around her. Louise was the only woman who under the right circumstances would become her true friend, her confidante.
After knocking lightly at the door, Rachel let herself in. Louise stood in the middle of the room, wringing her hands nervously and looking somewhat troubled. "Hello, honey!" Rachel greeted her warmly. "I've brought you the curtains for your room."
Louise didn't say anything and instead turned her back from the woman and began pacing up and down. Rachel didn't think much of her attitude. Lou had her good and bad days, and today was probably on her bad side. The station mistress brought a chair under the window, and climbed onto it. She carefully removed the old, faded drapes while she could hear Louise's frenetic steps behind her. Easing down from the chair Rachel placed the old curtains on top of the dresser and before carrying on with the task, she threw a glimpse at Louise again. The girl did not look well and seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Louise, what's the matter, honey?"
The girl stopped her frenetic pacing and came to stand in front of the older woman. "Oh Rachel," Lou exclaimed, her eyes bright and her lips quivering, "something terrible's gonna happen."
"What?"
"I…I…" Lou stuttered, unable to put into words the turmoil she was going through, and she only managed to repeat the same. "Something terrible's gonna happen, something terrible's gonna happen. I know." She was incapable of keeping still and her hands grabbed Rachel's upper arm in a tight grip.
"Honey, please calm down!" the station mistress talked to her in soothing tones. "You're very nervous. Shall I bring you a nice cup of tea?"
Lou shook her head energetically. "I feel it so strong, Rachel," she cracked in a thin voice. "I'm so scared."
The station mistress stared at her with a frown for a few seconds, and then she added, "Louise, just sit quietly on the bed while I finish fixing the new curtains and then I'll make a pot of strong tea for the two of us."
Lou nodded sadly, realizing that Rachel did not believe her. She didn't know what or when, but they were up for some bad news. Lou was as sure and convinced about it as when she had known that girl, Marianne Herrick would be murdered. Of course it wasn't odd that Rachel didn't believe her because she didn't really understand what happened in her mind herself.
The station mistress climbed on top of the chair again and placed the new curtains while Lou watched her from her sitting position on the bed. Her hands couldn't keep still; one of them clenched the bedpost tightly while the other one nervously played with the material of her skirt. She looked on the verge of tears as the sensations inside her became stronger and stronger. Rachel eventually finished the task at hand and jumped off the chair. From beside the window she turned to Lou and asked, "Ain't they pretty?"
"Very," the girl replied unenthusiastically, feeling too emotional to say anything further.
Rachel sighed in a mixture of frustration and tiredness. Lou was sometimes so difficult to grasp and it was in moments like this she sadly realized how different Louise was from other "normal" girls. The station mistress was about to move away, intending to make the pot of tea she had promised, which she hoped would help to calm Lou down, but then the sound of loud voices coming from outside reached her ears. Casting a glimpse through the window Rachel saw the riders gathered together next to the stables in an apparently hectic state. Ike was signing frenetically and the others did not look much calmer either. Buck was holding Katy's reins, but Rachel couldn't see her rider anywhere. The station mistress opened the window and putting her head out of it, she called, "Boys, what's going on?"
Jimmy walked a few steps nearer the house and said, "Katy's ridden in without Kid."
"What?" Rachel exclaimed with an expression of utter horror.
"There's some blood on her back," Jimmy explained, his countenance showing the pained feelings running through him. Kid had gone on this ride at his request and he was now lost, so he couldn't help but feel guilty of the situation. "The boys and I are riding out to look for him."
Rachel did not respond, and turned back from the window. Lou was still in the same position, looking even more jittery than a few seconds ago. "Louise, the boys say Kid hasn't come back from his ride, and he's probably hurt out there," the woman said, gazing at her with a crestfallen expression and placing before the girl, she asked, "Where is he, Lou?"
"I… I don't know," she cracked in a tiny voice.
Rachel crouched before her and grabbing her by the upper arms strongly she demanded firmly, "Think, Louise, think! Where is Kid?"
"I don't know" the girl repeated loudly, getting more and more agitated. "I don't know!"
Rachel began shaking the girl while saying, "You have to think harder, Louise. Think! Where's Kid? Where is he?"
"I don't know! I don't know! I can't see anything, I can't!" Louise wailed, the tears rolling down her face.
Seeing the shaken state of the girl, the station mistress realized she had been too rough, her own mood altered by her worries. "Sorry, honey. It's fine, it's fine."
"I'm so scared," Lou sobbed loudly.
"The boys will find him, you'll see," Rachel cooed, wrapping her arms around the girl and holding her against her chest. "Don't worry none. Everything's gonna be fine."
Teaspoon decided to send Jimmy, Noah and Buck in search of Kid. Hopefully they could find him not far from the station since Katy had been able to reach it straightaway. Buck kept checking the ground for tracks, but so far he had only been able to make out the mare's marks without the rider. At least the riders thought with relief that they were on the right track and Katy's prints would hopefully lead them to where Kid was.
After an hour of searching they reached a point where the mare's marks diverted from the road. The riders could smell something burning in the air and as they followed the tracks, the smell became more and more pungent and intense. They finally got to a place where they could see a burnt wagon. The riders dismounted, and when they approached the remains of the carriage, the bodies of two women and a man were laying on the ground.
"They're dead," Jimmy stated after checking for their vital signs.
"Bushwhackers must have held them up and killed them," Noah added with a bitter gesture. "Bastards."
Buck had wandered off the place where his two friends were checking the corpses of those poor people, and then stumbled upon Kid's figure lying face down on the ground. The Kiowa rushed to kneel down next to him as he called his other two friends in an urgent voice, "Jimmy! Noah! Quick! Come here!" Buck turned Kid on his back and saw the blood oozing from his left side. When the other two riders reached the place, the Kiowa was leaning over the Southerner, checking whether he was breathing.
"Is he… alive?" Jimmy asked, his throat tight with fear.
Buck didn't answer straightaway, which felt like an eternity for the other two riders and when he did, they were finally able to let out their held breaths. "Yeah, he is."
"Thank God!" Jimmy exclaimed visibly relieved.
"Let's take him to the station quickly," Noah offered. "Nobody can do anything for those three," he added pointing at the corpses a few feet away. "We'll tell Teaspoon and come back with a buckboard later to take care of their bodies."
Without losing one more second the riders built a travois with the remains of the wagon and the blankets they found in one of the trucks these poor people carried. They placed the Southerner on the makeshift stretcher, and were ready to leave for the station. Kid had not even stirred, which they assumed was due to the loss of blood from his wound. He needed to see a doctor as soon as possible before it was too late. The bullet was imbedded in his shoulder and even though Buck had wrapped the wound with some bandages he had made up from the clothes they had found in the same trunk, the blood kept seeping through.
In her room Lou was frantic as she alternated between looking out of the window and pacing up and down the room. She had seen Jimmy, Noah and Buck ride out, and it seemed like ages since they had left. Worry did not leave her a single moment, and she thought she was gonna burst. Since that morning she had known something was terribly wrong. She couldn't explain why, but the overwhelming sensations had been too clear to ignore. When it turned out that Kid was the one in trouble, the feelings of guilt had shaken her hard. She had purposefully avoided talking and giving him the cold shoulder for weeks. Lou did not want to even imagine that she wouldn't have the opportunity to see him or talk to him again. Fate couldn't be so cruel as to take him from her. Not Kid. She would gladly give her life, it didn't mean much, but Kid couldn't die. He was a good man and deserved to have a full and happy existence. Circumstances had caused her to hold a grudge against him, but deep down she knew that the present situation wasn't really his fault.
Lou felt so useless and stupid. However much she had tried, her head was empty of images. It was so damn frustrating. She had been able to describe in detail what had happened to that girl who had been murdered, but she couldn't tell a thing of what was going on with the person she really cared for. Why? Why? She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs but she was drained of all energy.
With her face against the window panes, Lou saw Rachel and the rest of the Express family step into the yard. The girl flicked her eyes towards the horizon, and she could make out the shaded profiles of three riders. When they came closer, Louise saw that they were Jimmy, Noah and Buck and her heart started pounding in anticipation as she noticed that there was a travois attached to Jimmy's horse but she couldn't see much.
Rachel and the others gathered around the three riders when they reached the yard. Teaspoon said something, pointing at the horse and the riders lifted the person on the travois and carried him inside the white-washed house. Ike rode away towards town, obviously with the intention of going for the doctor. The riders' figures blocked her sight and Lou hadn't been able to catch a single glimpse of Kid and what condition he was in. Unable to hold back any longer the girl didn't think about it twice and dashed out of the room, but when she was half way down the corridor, Rachel intercepted her.
"Lou, please, go back to your room."
"Please, Rachel. I need to know how he is," the girl said with pleading eyes.
"Honey, be a good girl. When the doctor finishes with him, I'll let you know how Kid is doing, all right?" Rachel tried to soothe and persuade her from her intentions and passing an arm over her shoulders, she steered Lou back to her bedroom. The girl wanted to protest, but finally relented and went back to her room.
The minutes seemed like hours. From her perennial position in front of the window Lou saw the movements at the station. Ike came back, bringing the doctor in tow and they both dashed onto the house. Patricia drove her wagon into the property at full speed, and followed the same route the two men had taken. The doctor left about half an hour later and after him the house was a continuous flow of people going in and out.
Louise did not miss a single detail from her window, and as she continued ignorant of what was going on with Kid, she was practically climbing the walls with worry. Patricia had already left the station, the riders had moved to the bunkhouse and Boggs had also ridden out, probably towards town. Rachel had promised that she'd come and tell her how Kid was, but she hadn't done it so far. Louise didn't know whether her absence meant good or bad news, but all in all she was desperate to know anything because anything would be better than this tortuous uncertainty.
Suddenly, the door opened and Lou rushed to Rachel in no time. "How is Kid?" she asked in a strained voice, grabbing the woman's hands frantically. "Please tell me, Rachel."
"He's fine," the station mistress answered softly. "The bullet hit him in the shoulder. Doctor Barnes has taken it out without any complications. He's just lost quite a lot of blood and is a bit weak."
"Is he gonna be all right?" Lou asked again.
"Sure he is," the station mistress assured her. "You'll see he'll be out and about in no time."
Louise smiled in relief and closed her eyes, silently thanking heaven for answering her prayers. When she opened them again, she looked Rachel in the eyes intently and said, "Rachel I need to see him." At the woman's hesitation the girl insisted, "Please." Rachel stared at her for a few seconds and finally nodded her head, granting her permission.
A sound caught his attention and turning his eyes towards it, he couldn't do anything but stare at the breathtaking image appearing before him so suddenly. Lou stood before the door, her chestnut hair framing her lovely face; the darkness of her tresses in contrast with her pale skin in the dim light of the room made her look more lovely than usual. Her dress wrapped around her body, and Kid could not help but stare at her shamelessly. In the distance separating them, they both kept gazing at each other. With his right hand Kid managed to raise his body and lean it against the headboard without taking his eyes off her for a single second.
"Come here," he found himself saying in a husky voice. Louise slowly advanced towards him, her dark pools boring into his blue ones. Without a sound, without a word she crossed over to the bed and carefully sat down on the mattress opposite him. Their hands acted automatically and almost unaware of their movements they joined in a tight clutch. The intensity of their stare was such that it felt as if they could actually touch each other, sense each other, breathe each other. Kid noticed that Lou's figure gradually leaned closer and closer, and before he could register what was happening, his mouth welcomed her warmly, softly, avidly. Kid felt as though he was touching the sky and the pain he had just been suffering from miraculously disappeared all of a sudden. Her lips fit his in perfect harmony and her skin felt as soft as he remembered. "Oh Lou," he let out among kisses and as suddenly as their tongues had met in a loving dance, she pulled away and before he could do anything, she scurried away from his grasp among giggles. "Please Lou, don't go," he begged in a strained voice. "Please Lou, please." She didn't seem to hear him and opened the door to slide out. "No!" was all he managed to exclaim before the same door slammed shut and he couldn't see her anymore.
With the sound of the door Kid found himself opening his eyes and staring at the white ceiling above him. Realization dawned on him, and with a heavy heart he knew that it had all been a dream, a wonderful dream. "Sorry I woke you," he heard a voice say and lifting his head, in surprise he stared at Lou, who stood by the door much in the same way as in his dream. She was wearing the same dress and looked as lovely and for a moment he felt unable to articulate a single world.
"You didn't wake me up," he simply said when he was able to get a grip of his own senses.
"How are you, Kid?"
"I … I'm fine," he stuttered clumsily, still shaken by the very real dream he had just had. Lou smiled pleasantly, and they remained in silence for a few moments. "Will you keep me company?" he asked eventually, patting the empty space on the bed by his side.
Louise nodded in agreement, and sheepishly placed herself next to him. With a big effort Kid managed to sit up and rest his body against the headboard, realizing that it had been much easier and much less painful in his dream. Lou's hands settled on her expanded middle while her eyes remained downcast. "I've been so worried," she admitted in a very soft voice.
Kid sent her a smile even though she wasn't looking his way. The rider kept staring at her, studying her face, her features, her body, her middle where their baby grew and then he asked, "How are you, Lou?"
Louise looked up and fixing her eyes on his, she said, "I'm fine … I guess."
"And the little one?"
The girl stroked her growing belly tenderly and smiled. "The little one is perfectly fine."
Kid smiled back and in a bold movement he dared to place his hand over hers caressing her middle. Lou looked at him surprised, and when she didn't remove her hand or swat his away, he felt strangely happy. "Do you know whether it will be a boy or a girl?"
"What?" Lou let out with a confused frown.
"I mean … I wonder whether you might have had one of those visions about our baby," the rider explained in sheer honesty.
Louise smiled again. Despite everything, she had to admit that Kid was the only one who fully believed her when she had confessed her particular gift. Everybody else, even Rachel just a couple of hours ago, had doubted her. It was something logical since she didn't really understand what happened inside her mind when those images and sensations coursed all over her, but Kid had never questioned that she was telling other than the truth.
"No, I haven't," she replied to his curiosity after a beat.
The warmth of his hand over hers filled her with a strange sensation, and she could feel that her cheeks were blushing violently, evident to his eyes. "Well, I have the feeling it's gonna be a little girl," Kid remarked, beaming happily, and Lou found herself reciprocating the gesture. It wasn't the first time he had mentioned his wish for a little girl, and even though talking about their baby and the future was usually very painful for Louise, for some strange reason she now found herself hopeful and contented. They relapsed into silence once again and after a beat, Kid remarked while looking intently into her eyes, "Lou, I really want to be friends with you. I don't like us acting like strangers or enemies, and I really miss the Louise I first met."
The girl lowered her eyes sheepishly, and knew that he was telling the truth. She had changed … more than in the last four years she had been locked in the asylum, but she couldn't help it. Circumstances had made her change and her pregnancy was affecting her in a way that she couldn't control. In her heart she wished she could forget her pain, her gloomy perspectives, but it was too much. What Kid was asking from her was her desire as well, but she couldn't bring herself to agree because she didn't know how she would respond in the following days and weeks.
So instead of replying to his wishful words, she muttered, her eyes still downcast, "I was so worried about you when you didn't come back from your ride." Hearing her admit that she had been concerned for his safety made him feel warm and comforted inside. After weeks of silence Lou was actually talking to him, and hearing her say that she wasn't as indifferent to him as she had tried to appear warmed his insides. "Kid, you know you have to keep safe from danger. Have you stopped to think what it would mean to our baby if something happened to you?"
Her words sent him to the dumps and suddenly he felt very disappointed. "Oh the baby," he let out in an embittered voice. "You were worried just for the baby."
"Not only for the baby!" Louise exclaimed, lifting her eyes to him, and the Southerner could see the life and passion in them, something that had been missing for many weeks. "Kid, you know I… uh … I'm very fond of you. Why on earth do you think I get so upset with you? I would be better off if I didn't care, but for better or worse I do!"
On hearing her Kid let out a satisfied smile, which Louise didn't find amusing at all. "Kid, this ain't funny! You gotta promise me that you'll be careful. Our baby only has you. If, God forbid, something might happen to you, I would never be allowed to keep our child, and I doubt your girlfriend would still want to take that responsibility. And I would want to die if our baby had to be sent to an orphanage."
Kid took her hands in his, stopping her energetic and frenetic gesticulation and thus calming her nerves. "Lou, you got nothing to worry about. Nothing's gonna happen to me. I'll be careful, I promise. But in case something did happen, I'm sure Rachel would take upon herself to care for our child."
His words did not manage to appease her, but had the opposite effect and Louise got even more frantic. "No! Not Rachel!"
"Why not?" Kid asked with a confused frown. "Rachel really cares for you, and in the hypothetical case I weren't around, she would love our child as if it were her own."
"I know she would, and I do care for her too," Lou stated in a firm voice. "But I don't want my child near him! Kid, you have to promise me that he won't come near our baby! He's a monster, and hates me! I'm sure he will try to harm our baby just because I'm its mother. You have to promise me, Kid!"
The Southerner stared at her in confusion and with apprehension. Lou was getting more and more frantic, but instead of voicing the promise she expected, he asked, "Lou, whatever did your father do to you? You don't make any sense."
At his comment Louise simmered down and disengaging her hands from his hold, she rose to her feet. "I better go now."
"Come on, Lou. Talk to me. Tell me." Louise started walking towards the door and the Southerner insisted, "Please Lou, don't go and talk to me. Why don't you tell me?"
The girl stopped in the middle of the room and turning round towards him once again she muttered, "Maybe one day I'll tell you … when I'm sure you'll believe me and that shadow of doubt disappears from your eyes." Without giving him the opportunity to reply, Louise ambled towards the door and slid out of the room, leaving an astonished and totally confused Kid behind.
Author's note: More information about Benjamin Rush and his practice on mental patients can be found on wiki/Benjamin_Rush. The treatments I mention are part of his practice at the time, but I haven't been able to find much more information about the restraining chair or the spinning board, so I've had to use my imagination to describe them.
If you want to read more about the Kirkbride plan on wiki/Kirkbride_Plan.