Stay With Me

"Miko."

Kagome turned her gaze to the man beside her. Sesshomaru had not taken her back to his castle as she had suspected he would. Instead, he had travelled further into the forest before stopping in a small clearing, where he had set her down moments ago.

Wordlessly, she watched him reach for her. She didn't flinch away when his fingertips brushed along her cheekbone in a soft caress. Her eyes were filled with trepidation, hopelessness, fear and above all…she felt lost.

"I know that you are afraid," murmured Sesshomaru before dropping his hand back to his side.

He regarded her with his amber gaze, seeing the turmoil etched deep in her brown eyes, and he hated it. He couldn't understand the feelings she alone could raise within him, making him uncomfortable in his own body when she was anything less than content and happy. He wasn't sure when he had stopped thinking of her as 'the perfect mate' and started seeing her as a real, living being, with thoughts and feelings of her own. Never before had he cared about another as he did for her. She was always on his mind, confusing him, aggravating him, inciting his primal urges, but also…his compassion.

More often than not, his heart—an organ he had previously assumed its only function was to give him life—reacted to this one human woman in a bewildering manner. When she was happy, he was happy. When she was upset, he sought ways to brighten her spirit. And when she cried—as she was now—his heart clenched in pain at the sight. What was she doing to him? Why did he care about her emotional state? She was a means to an end, right? The perfect mate, and yet, after being in her company this past week, she was so much more. How much more, he didn't know, couldn't understand these strange, newfound feelings she brought out of him.

"Do you?" Kagome asked him, gazing up at him as if she doubted his sincerity, but still hoped it was true. Shaking her head, a hitch in her voice, she said, "I don't want to change."

"Miko—" Sesshomaru began, trying to think of something to say to relieve her fears, but she interrupted him.

"I don't understand my youki. It's completely different from my reiki. It's animalistic, a force that far surpasses my human understanding. Already I have noticed my senses have heightened. I can hear from distances that no normal human is capable of, see further and even in the dark. Even my sense of smell has become stronger. Everything about me is changing. I'm not…me anymore."

Sesshomaru blinked, recalling her say such a thing before. "You believe you will no longer recognize yourself if the change continues."

Kagome nodded.

"Though your body is changing, do you not still think the same? React the same way to everything around you?" questioned Sesshomaru.

It was Kagome's turn to blink up at him before she nodded tentatively.

"Do you recall when you were young, miko? You're body was different then, was it not? As time passes, you grow and adapt. Is that not the same in this case?"

"I…didn't think of it like that…"

Still, he saw doubt in her eyes.

Trying to comfort her, he said, "This Sesshomaru will make sure you do not die during your transition, this I swear."

That was obviously not what she wanted to hear, for her expression turned angry.

"Of course you'll be there," she spat. "This is what you wanted, isn't it? You want me, but not as a human. As if you would ever take a ningen mate!"

Kagome said it in anger, yelled it at him, not really believing what she accused him of, her rioting emotions merely getting the better of her. She wanted to attack, to scream and rile against what fate had dealt her. However, at his continual silence, at the grave expression upon his face, she knew she was right. Connections of the past week seemed to fall into place in her mind. Sesshomaru's interest in her, his adamant encouragement that he help strengthen her youki…it all started when he realized she could be much more than a human—a demon.

"You knew this would happen all along…" she whispered, her eyes wide with realization. "You've been playing me…from the very beginning, haven't you?" Now she glared at him, her voice turning heated, accusatory. "You didn't offer to help make my youki stronger so that I could heal faster from injuries, to become stronger to defeat Naraku. You wanted to wipe out my humanity from the start, didn't you? Didn't you!?"

When he remained silent in the face of her anger, she all but snarled at him.

"And to think I believed you when you claimed you had always been attracted to me before you were even aware of the demonic energy housed inside me. I'm so gullible," she laughed mockingly at herself. "If that was true, you would have shown interest in me before now. As if Lord Sesshomaru could ever be enticed by a human," she sneered the last.

Sesshomaru stood, baffled by her verbal assault, knowing, for the most part, that she was right. Not everything she said was accurate, but he saw that while Kagome was in this overwrought state, she may not listen to anything he had to say. From the expression in her eyes, he knew she did not trust him, would not believe him if he said anything to the contrary to her drawn conclusion.

What was he to do? Apprehension slithered down his spine as he realized he may have just lost her. She may never forgive him for his part in attempting to force her to change into something she was not.

His fears were realized when she spoke next.

Crying now, Kagome's voice was hoarse from emotions when she said, "You're just like Inuyasha."

Sesshomaru stiffened at the comparison.

"He doesn't see me for me either. All he sees is Kikyo when he looks at me. He wishes that I was Kikyo. Now I understand you don't see me either. You don't want me as I am just as he doesn't."

Why am I never good enough?

She turned away from him and ran, wanting nothing more than to get away from him. Tears obscuring her vision, she nevertheless saw the tall obstacle in her path after taking just a few running steps. However, there was no time to stop and get out of the way. Unable to stop her forward motion, the obstacle before her far too close to avoid, Kagome collided against Sesshomaru's armored chest. Her forehead would have made impact with the metal spikes adorning his breast plate if not for one of his hands on her shoulder, preventing the painful injury.

However, he cupped the back of her head, adding enough pressure to force her head to the side and angled down slightly, to safely rest her head upon his chest, and wrapped an arm around her back, pinning her to him.

Heart pounding from the unexpectedness of his appearance before her, Kagome was momentarily stunned until she felt him hold her close. She fought him, placing her hands on his chest and attempting to push away from him, wriggling and squirming, trying to break his hold.

"Cease, miko," Sesshomaru murmured, bending forward more than a little so that he could bury his face in her hair.

"Let me go!"

"I cannot," he replied with emotion lacing his voice.

It wasn't his words that compelled her to stop, but the unaccustomed tone to his voice. He sounded…sad, remorseful, tormented even. She had never heard the like before coming from him.

He held her tighter, his fingers sinking into the inky blackness of her hair as he cupped the back of her skull. "I cannot let you go, Kagome." The thought of releasing her, to allow her to leave him tore his heart asunder. Pain the likes of which he had never felt before assaulted his chest, constricted the organ that beat life's blood throughout his body.

"Just the thought of releasing you… I cannot bear it. There is this vicious pain in my chest that tells me I am bleeding, but there is no physical wound."

Kagome's breath caught at his words, upon hearing the agonizing truth in his voice, his utter sincerity.

"You were not completely correct in your evaluation of my motives towards you. I admit, in the beginning, all I saw when I looked at you was a prize, the perfect mate. Even in your human state, you had done the impossible and won my mating competition. However, I knew I couldn't have you, despite your victory, but when I learned of your demonic aura, I knew there was a chance to have you."

Though surprised at his lengthy explanation, his words hurt and she struggled once more.

"You're a selfish bastard," she accused, crying, hurt by his confession, for she had come to…care for him—a lot.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes at the truth of her words, hurting for the pain he had caused this one, small woman he held above all others in this world.

"Release me right now!" She tried to kick his shins, but she wore sandals and merely hurt her toes in the attempt.

"I will not, not until you let me finish!" Sesshomaru refused.

"I don't have to hear what you have to say!"

"You will regardless," Sesshomaru said firmly.

Seeing no other choice as she was unable to get away from him without attacking him with her reiki, she subsided, and rested against him grudgingly, refusing to acknowledge how right it felt when held so closely to him. She almost hated the way she felt for him, for being unable to use her miko powers against him, but just the thought of causing him pain hurt her. She couldn't do it, and she seethed over the fact.

When she stopped fighting to get away, Sesshomaru swallowed and forced himself to say what he had never intended to give voice to, a truth he had tried denying even to himself but failed.

"I have begun to feel…guilty over my previous actions, for attempting to change you against your wishes. You have come to mean a great deal to me, miko, for I no longer care about your human heritage." He gritted his teeth. Baring his soul to another was much harder than he had realized, but for Kagome, he would go through any discomfort to make her realize she was more than a means to an end.

"This Sesshomaru accepts you the way you are; however, the thought of losing you to old age, to death, is unbearable. If you accepted my mating proposal and stayed human, after knowing your warmth, I could not bear its absence once your human life was at an end. Having you for a few decades is not nearly enough. Your lifespan is nothing compared to mine, a mere blink of an eye for one who could live for centuries."

"What…what are you saying?" she whispered, her heart speeding up at his confession. Was he… Could he be admitting that he loved her?

As if reading her mind, he continued. "I do not know if this is love, having never understood the emotion or believing of its existence…but…"

He couldn't continue, not able to understand the full extent to his feelings for her. This was a first for him, so he struggled to tell her how he felt—for her.

Though hurt by his insistence to change her, after his revelation, she learned it was not because he found her lacking. He only sought to find a way to keep her by his side for as long as he lived. She believed him when he claimed to regret his attempts at changing her. She forced herself to look past her fear of her inevitable transformation and leaned back, surprised that he allowed her that small movement, to gaze up at him, to really look at him.

She remembered all the times he had tried for her, to adapt to her fears and worries of the future with him. All along, the signs of his feelings for her had been there, but she had been blind to them. He had always been there, helping her control her youki, had sought to reassure her when she had realized any children by him would have his eyes, hair color, and demonic heritage, by showing her physical traits a mother was also capable of passing down to her child. He had taken her feelings into consideration not only then but when she had asked him to befriend her instead of pushing for further intimacies. No matter how tempted he had been to take what she unwittingly offered him upon occasion, he had kept his word and not ravished her, waiting for her to come to him when she was mentally and emotionally ready.

She wasn't the only one lost and confused, but so was he. She knew Sesshomaru was not accustomed to the feelings she obviously brought out of him, and he was floundering to understand and accept them. He was confused by his feelings for her and was unable to express them.

It was then she realized she might actually have found what she had been searching for right here in Sesshomaru's arms, something she had desperately fought to obtain with Inuyasha. Did he love her but was unable to recognize the emotion? Was that what she felt for him? He made her feel things no man had before him, not even Inuyasha. The emotions he brought out of her were much stronger, raw and real.

Could this be love, on both of their parts?

In that instance, all the fight went out of her. She didn't want to deny what she felt for him, didn't want to hide from the possibility that she might, in fact, care for him more than just a friend.

Her face scrunched up in anguish as she continued to meet his gaze, seeing an answering flood of emotion in the depths of his amber eyes.

"Stay with me," she whispered, her hands no long pushing him away but clutching at him. "I'm just as confused as you are by my feelings for you. I like you…"

Something flashed behind his eye, pain, understanding, and hope.

"For as long as you desire my company, I will never be far from your side," he vowed.

"I'm afraid…" she whispered not for the first time, but she did not just speak of her inevitable transformation but also the feelings she harbored for him.

He seemed to understand that, for he beseeched, "Allow me take care of you, miko. I will keep my word not to pressure you, but do not run from me, from this." He spoke of allowing him to help her through the change and to explore what it was they actually felt for each other, this she knew and accepted.

He leaned down, her cheek cupped in his large palm as he did so until his breath brushed her lips. It was his turn to implore, "Stay with me."

Wordlessly, she nodded her head. As his head descended closer, she wondered where her relationship with Sesshomaru was going, progressing into, and she was determined to find out.

She didn't shy away from his advance, knew he was giving her ample time to deny him; instead, she rose on her toes and met his lips with her own, kissing him with all the pent up emotions inside her.