Episode 6: The Alien Terror
Part IV: Girl you just don't realize / what you do to me (ooga chaka, ooga, ooga)

Misato's apartment.
T-14 Hours, 41 Minutes

Misato strode into her apartment and almost immediately tripped on the half-disassembled stereo amplifier by the door. She caught herself on the wall, cursing, and staggered into the kitchen.

She found the room in a somewhat more chaotic state than she was used to. (Okay, not that much more chaotic, but still.) Bits and pieces of electronic junk covered every available surface. At the center of the whole mess, of course, was the Doctor with his power nerd glasses, shoving wires into a device that resembled a length of pipe topped with a satellite dish. Shinji sat in the chair next to him, completely passed out and snoring, his head face-down on the kitchen table.

Misato sighed and shook her head. First things first. "None of this junk is mine, right?"

"Right." The Doctor didn't look up. "I am capable of taking a hint every now and again, believe it or not."

"Good." She started to step towards the fridge, then changed her mind and went for the cabinet. Tonight felt like a bourbon night. "What do you have for me?"

"Yeah, just a sec. Lemme finish up the binding on these connections..." The Doctor picked up that blue-light-screwdriver thing of his.

There was a loud crash in the entryway, followed by a short burst of German profanity. "WHAT THE HELL - WHAT IDIOT PUT THAT THERE?!"

Misato winced. "Sorry, Asuka!" she called.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Bit late for a social call, isn't it?"

"You're one to talk," Misato muttered. "I'm putting her up for the night. The hotel we had her in exploded this morning."

"'Slong as you're sure she wasn't the one doing the exploding, I suppose..." The Doctor put on a cheerful grin as the red-headed girl appeared in the doorway, sullenly dragging a wheeled suitcase behind her. "Ah, fräulein! Good evening! Didn't have too much trouble with the welcoming committee, I trust?"

"Ehh?" Asuka looked up, puzzled. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, late-night student-teacher-guardian conference. Plus electronics expo," the Doctor added, glancing at the pile of components stacked on the table in front of him. Misato rolled her eyes and poured herself a triple shot.

Asuka eyed him. "Is that so..."

"S'all the rage in the Japanese educational system. Saves on classroom time. Not to mention, does wonders for the manufacturers."

"Anyway." Misato reached out and took hold of the Doctor's tie. "Asuka, make yourself at home. I'll be right back."

"Oi! Watch it! That's silk!" The Doctor said indignantly as she dragged him off into the other room.

Shinji was in trouble. It had all started with him being late to school because it was raining. So he'd jumped in the Eva and ran, and just managed to make it a minute or so after first bell. But now the teachers - particularly Mr. Kolke and Professor Snape - were all angry with him because the Eva didn't count as valid quidditch equipment. He was desperately trying to convince them that there wasn't any rule against giant robots (and besides, they'd let the Doctor play with the TARDIS, hadn't they?), when he suddenly realized to his horror that the headmaster was his father, and then he was falling back back back and everything was a blur of color and light and motion and...

He woke up to find himself lying on his back with his legs uncomfortably propped up on something. His head felt like someone had taken a mallet to it. He opened his eyes and found himself on the kitchen floor, his chair underneath him, its frame digging uncomfortably into his spine.

"Guten Morgen, princess!" Asuka peered down at him, a sharp-toothed grin on her face. She wore a yellow tank-top and a pair of Misato's sweatpants. "Time for all good children to wake up!"

"Huh? Oh, umm..." He glanced around. Okay, he was really in the apartment, not at school... "Wait... what are you doing here?"

"Now, is that anything to ask an honored guest?" She tossed her hair. "You should rejoice in your good fortune. You get to spend the night with a beautiful woman like me under your roof."

"Hey... did you push me over?" He blinked. "Wh-why would you do that?"

She turned up her nose. "You snore."

"... okay." He didn't know what else to say to that. He tried to sit up.

"Hold up, sunshine." She stepped down on his chest with one foot, her heel digging into his stomach. "I've got a few questions for you."

"Ow. Asuka, that hurts..." What was going on here? She hadn't been this mean in the morning, or even back on the carrier...

"Where were you all of today?" she demanded. "And what the hell is the deal with this Doctor person? Why doesn't anyone call him by his name? I saw it on the schedule. It's John Smith."

"Um... well..."

"And why is he here now? What are he and Misato talking about?" A knowing smirk crossed her face. "Hold on... are they sleeping together?"

"What?" Shinji felt himself blush. Then he flashed back to the classroom, after they'd gotten away from the not-zombies. "Um. No. No, I really don't think so..."

"Then why would she want to talk to him? He's just a teacher." She pressed down harder with her heel.

"Um - well - the Doctor - he..." Crap. What should he say? How much should he say? "Ummm... well... it's just..."

"You just can't spit it out, can you?" She took her foot off of his chest and crossed her arms. "God, you're useless. I just can't believe you, you know that? Is this seriously all you are? The great, legendary Third Child is just... this?" She motioned to all of him.

Shinji averted his eyes. "S-sorry."

"Unbelievable." Asuka shook her head. "Just unbelievable. It's like somebody's idea of a sick joke. A pathetic weakling like you watching my back." She snorted. "Jesus. No wonder I'm going to get my head cut off tomorrow."

Shinji propped himself up on one arm. "Wait... I thought you said you didn't believe any of that."

Her expression froze. She turned away from him. "Do you know what happens to us when our Evas get hurt? If we're synchronized, we feel everything they feel. Like it was happening to our own bodies."

"Um... yeah?" Shinji raised an eyebrow. "I've been through it before, remember?"

"When it comes to critical damage to the Eva's nervous system, it gets even worse," she said, ignoring him entirely. "If you don't cut your link fast enough, the feedback fries your entire cortex. You'll end up as a brain-dead vegetable. Just a slab of living meat without a single thought in your head. Not that anyone'd be able to tell the difference in your case.

"And even if you manage to come back from that - and that's a really big if - you'll never be the same again. Not even close..."

Shinji hesitated. "Are you..." He took a stab in the dark. "Is this... something you're really worried about, then? Or... um?..."

She shook her head. "How could you possibly be this stupid?"

Glancing back into the kitchen, the Doctor narrowed his eyes.

"Okay." Misato threw herself down onto one of the bean-bag cushions on the floor. "Just tell me you know something about what we're dealing with."

"Oh, see, that's nice. And here I thought I was on the polite island." Irritated, he straightened his tie. "My day was fine, by the way, thanks. Yours?"

"Awesome," she said flatly. "I had to coordinate the largest civilian evacuation in the last decade, and my subordinates are all convinced they're fated to die tomorrow. What can you tell me about the attacks?"

All right, he supposed that sounded fairly stressful. He sighed and sat down on the edge of the couch. "Orbital bombardment. Simple and nasty. Throw a rock down from orbit, let gravity take care of the rest."

"We checked for that." She rubbed her eyes. "There's nothing in orbit we can't account for. We've had every observatory on the planet checking. And even if we're somehow missing something, there'd still be some sign of the kill vehicle on infrared or radar on the way down. So why aren't we seeing anything?"

"Because the projectiles aren't just being dropped from orbit," the Doctor said. "They're being thrown back in time as well."

She stared at him. "What?!"

"Here's how it works. In a couple of days - maybe a week - the bomber'll turn up in orbit and throw down a few practice shots. The projectiles'll vanish into the - well, let's call it a kind of hyperspace - then emerge in the past right before they hit the ground. That's why there's isotopes in each payload. When they get here, they can scan the impact sites, measure the half-lives, and use that to calibrate their targeting. Lets 'em find their mark in both space and time, y'see?" He sniffed. "'s basic fourth-dimensional warfare. Not to mention, sort of a mystery novel cliché. The perfect murder weapon - the gun that hits its target before it's even fired."

Misato blinked. Then downed the glass in her hand in one gulp.

He eyed her with some concern. "Oi. Take it easy with that, Marlowe."

"After the explosion," she croaked, the blood rushing to her face. "Maya said something about radar artifacts over the sites."

"Light echoes. Images of the projectile bleeding back into normal space. Not bad, Captain. You're catching on."

"How the hell do you even defend against something like that?"

"Very, very carefully." The Doctor leaned forward. "Listen. I can take care of it. But I'm going to need something from you this time."

"What?"

"Just put Unit One somewhere where I can get to it in the morning - the original, not the one from the future. South of the city, if you can manage it. Away from any people. I'll take care of the rest from there."

Misato leaned back and ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know if I can do that," she finally said.

"Why not?"

"On the recommendation of the technical staff, our strategy tomorrow is to try and avoid the future shown in the video at all costs. So at 0400, we're loading Unit One onto a transport plane and sending it as far from the city as possible."

The Doctor grimaced. "Yeahhhh, here's the thing - how do you know that won't just contribute to that future happening anyway? Say the big attack gets through because you're down one cyborg, for instance."

"I thought of that." She put the glass down on the floor. "So that's why we'll be deploying Shinji in Unit 1B tomorrow."

He raised his eyebrows. "... huh."

She gave him a crooked smile. "Fate gave me an extra Eva. I thought I might as well make use of it."

"That's clever," the Doctor admitted. "I mean - completely wrong, red alert, could destroy two-thirds of the universe - but still. Not bad."

"Gee," she said dryly. "Thanks."

"Look, I'll tell you what - just consider me your backup plan for tomorrow." The Doctor spread his hands. "If anything goes wrong, send me a message. Shinji's got my mobile number. I'll be ready to go regardless. That's all I'm asking."

She closed her eyes. "I'll think about it."

There was a pause. The Doctor glanced back over towards the door to the kitchen and scratched the back of his head. Yeeaahh. Might not be a bad idea to check up on things in there...

"Hey." Misato opened her eyes slightly. "...'m sorry about your tie."

"Ehh." He shrugged. "There's a stain on the back of this one, anyway." He flipped up his tie and showed her the white spot up by the tag. "Not quite sure what it's from, actually. Probably either bleach or Adipose byproduct. Really, really hoping for the bleach, honestly..."

He glanced up to find that she'd dozed off. Right. Probably not the most interesting topic of conversation he could've gone with...

The door to the living room slid open just as Shinji pulled himself back onto his feet. The Doctor stepped through and quietly closed it behind him.

Asuka turned around. "Oh, you're back," she said to the Doctor brightly. "Where's Misato?"

"Passed out," the Doctor replied. "Might as well let her have it for a time. Got the sense it's been a rough day. You all right there?" The last question was directed towards Shinji.

"Huh?" He tried to ignore the threatening look Asuka shot in his direction. "Uh. Yeah. I'm fine."

"You sure? Thought I heard a noise." The Doctor went back to the table and picked up the latest thingamajig again.

"Yeah. I just... um, tripped." Shinji picked the chair up and sat down.

"So!" Asuka said loudly as she slid into the seat across from the Doctor. "What is that, anyway?"

"Oh, this?" The Doctor gestured towards the device. "Nothing special. Just your standard manifold wave transamplification relay."

She tilted her head. "Is that... actually a thing?"

"'Course it is." The Doctor gave her a slightly baffled look, like she'd just questioned the existence of the sun. "It... takes waves and relays them. Somewhere. Also, it's manifold."

"Well, it's just I've never heard of anything like that." She tossed her hair. "And I graduated from the University of Heidelberg."

"You don't say." The Doctor flipped open a panel on the side of the pipe. "Shinji, could you hand me one of those valves?"

"Huh? Uh, right..." Shinji glanced at the pile of vacuum tubes by his hand. "Big one or small one?"

"Medium-sized, I think."

Shinji reexamined the pile. "I... don't think there is a medium-sized one."

"You sure? Looks like a medium-sized gap."

Asuka's eyebrow started to twitch. "I finished in two years, you know."

"Mmh. Good on you." The Doctor tapped his fingers against the pipe. "Hmmm. Better pass me two smalls. I'll have to rig it somehow..."

Shinji handed him the vacuum tubes. Asuka sat back and crossed her arms, a sullen look on her face.

The Doctor glanced at Shinji. "So. You sleep all right, at least?"

"Ehh." Shinji waved his hand in the air. Stupid dream, though, he thought. I mean, how would you even play quidditch with an Eva?...

He looked up. Asuka and the Doctor were both staring at him.

Shinji shrank back a little from the table. "I - I just... said that out loud, didn't I."

"Are you on drugs?" Asuka stared at him like he was some hideous new species of insect she'd never seen before. "What does that even -"

"You'd have to put the hoops up higher," the Doctor said thoughtfully. "And it'd have to be in low gravity. Otherwise, it'd just be mecha rugby, and they've already got a league for that."

Shinji blinked. "Low gravity... so they'd float, you mean?"

"Or jump really high, maybe... wouldn't be quite the same, though, would it."

"Yeah..."

Asuka looked back and forth between them, her eyes narrowed. "You two. What is it with you..." She paused. "Wait... are you in some kind of sick pedophile thing?"

Shinji felt the color drain from his face all at once. He stared at Asuka in horror. "Wha - why would you even SAY something like that?!"

"No," the Doctor said flatly. "Just... no."

"No!" Shinji shouted. "No, of course not! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Jesus," Asuka grumbled. "You don't have to yell."

"You're not going to take that personally, are you?" The Doctor looked at Shinji. "Bit of an age difference there, among other issues..."

Shinji covered his face with his hands. "That's not actually helping, you know..."

Asuka sighed and tilted her head back. "Ehhh... how boring..."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Well, if you're both going to be like that..." Asuka got up and yawned theatrically. "Guess I'll go wake up Misato, then..." She walked out of the room.

The Doctor watched her go, his brow furrowed. "Is she always like that?"

Shinji groaned and put his head down on the table. "I have no idea."