I'm glad you all liked the last chapter. Story isn't over yet, don't worry. This is the start of the chapters I've had written for a while. I like how this chapter came out, I hope you all do as well :)
Chapter Thirty-Five
"I don't get it, Beca. Why won't you give me a straight answer over this," Jesse said in frustration. "I'm not understanding what's the big deal."
"Why should we move in together when we get to LA? What's the problem with separate places, separate space?"
"Because that's what couples do, Beca. The next step is to move in together, we've been dating for almost three years."
"Why are you even planning on going to LA? Last I heard, there's a TV production company in New York who offered you a paid internship. Why aren't you jumping all over that? You'll be with your family, you'll be beginning your dreams."
"Because I want to score movies and I can have a better shot at doing that in LA. Plus, I want to be with you. Why is that a problem?"
"It just is, okay?" she said angrily.
Jesse couldn't take it anymore. They've had the same argument for a week already and he hasn't gotten anywhere. He has no idea why Beca won't move in with him, and he was reaching his breaking point.
"You know what, fine," he said angrily as he got off her bed and headed toward her door. "I'm done with this. I'm leaving."
"You're done? You're leaving?" Beca repeated, dropping the clothes she was folding onto the floor.
"Yeah, that's what I said. Done and leav-," he began to say, but quieted instantly once he realized what Beca was getting at. "I didn't .."
"Get out," she said, her voice deadly calm. "Now."
"Beca, come on," he tried again, but she began to shove him out the door.
"No, you said you were leaving," she said as she continued to push him. He grabbed onto the railing so he wouldn't fall and break his neck, although he's sure that Beca wouldn't mind so much if that happened. "So get out."
"Beca, come on. Be reasonable."
"Oh, I am being reasonable," she said as she opened the front door and gave him one big shove.
"No, you're being irrational."
"You wanna see irrational?" she asked as she stepped up to him and slapped him hard across the face. "Get the fuck out, Jesse. Don't come near me."
"Beca, I didn't mean it like that. God, do you know how frustrating it gets? Having to walk on eggshells around you all the time, not knowing how you're going to react if I say something that you might not like," Jesse said, letting his frustration get the best of him once again.
"Good thing you won't have to do that anymore. Leave. Now."
"Is everything okay?" Stacie asked as she walked up to the porch with Fat Amy since they were just getting back from class.
"Peachy. Jesse was just leaving, like he said he wouldn't but I guess he had a change of heart. So have I, apparently."
"Beca, you don't mean that," Jesse tried once more, but it was useless. She walked back into the house and shut the door without looking back. "I fucked up."
"Clearly," Fat Amy said as she gestured to the locked front door. "We don't have keys."
"Here," Jesse said as he opened the door with his spare key. "I have to find a way to fix this."
"Yeah, good idea," Stacie said. "We graduate in two months, and by the looks of it, this fight isn't going to blow over."
"I know," he sighed before walking away.
"Benji, I need advice," Jesse said.
It's been two weeks and Beca still wasn't talking to him. He tried calling her a few days after the fight, but she sent him straight to voicemail. He tried visiting too, but Stacie wouldn't let him in because Beca would kill the both of them. He even tried ambushing her after class, but she took one look at him and turned the other way and started talking to some other guy. She completely cut him out of her life and built up those walls that he took so long breaking down.
Jesse had gone to Miller for advice first, which was a bad idea. ("What do you mean you want to move in with her? Dude, you need your own man space when you graduate college. It's a rite of passage for a man to own his own bachelor's pad so he can do every thing manly that disgusts the shit out of the female population.") So, he went to Benji – who he should have gone to in the first place, but clearly Jesse wasn't thinking when he went to Miller for advice.
"About Beca?" Benji asked as he sat down at Jesse's desk. "Still no progress? Laci told me about what happened, since Fat Amy told Noelle. Did Beca really push you down a flight of stairs?"
"Almost," he sighed. "She seems indifferent to all of it. She's like freshman year Beca again, maybe worse. No, it is worse actually."
"You never got a reason why she didn't want to move in with you?" he asked and Jesse shook his head 'no'. "Maybe it's a simple reason."
"What simple reason can you give me for why she wouldn't want to move in together?"
"Well, first off, she is Beca."
"And?"
"And no matter how much she has let you in over the years, there's always going to be that small insecure part in her head that keeps telling her all this is too good to be true?"
"Okay," Jesse said slowly, not sure what Benji was getting at.
"You guys are in your own little bubble here at Barden. It's easy because there's really nothing to worry about."
"We basically live together here though, so I don't see the problem still."
"Maybe she's worried things are going to change once we all graduate."
"Obviously things are going to change once we all graduate."
"She's happy here, now, with you. Maybe she's scared that once you guys leave here and move in together, too much is going to change."
"Like what?"
"Like how you feel about each other. How you feel about her."
"That would never happen. I love her."
"I know, and she obviously loves you too or else she wouldn't be acting like this. She's probably been stressing over this since you brought it up to her, and when you began to leave and told her you were done, it was like her worst fears came true and she shut down emotionally to save herself from the hurt that only you could cause."
"I didn't mean it like that though," Jesse said, frustrated as he ran his hands through his hair. "What if she doesn't take me back?"
"Just try. She's just doing what comes naturally for her. It's what she's been used to for so long."
"I don't know what to do, Benji," he said quietly.
"You've watched enough movies," Benji said as he stood up to leave. "I'm sure you'll figure something out."
It's been a month since Beca fought with Jesse, and she didn't know how she felt about it. She didn't know how she felt about anything anymore. She shut herself down and refused to think about how she was starting to pack up certain stuff in her room, and how quickly graduation was coming up.
The only thing Beca ever wanted in life was to move to LA so she could start her music career and reach her dreams. Then Jesse came into her life and changed her plans. She wanted him and a life with him. When he said he wanted to move to LA with her, she should have been over the moon that she was going to get both things in life she really wanted. She wasn't, though. Beca's learned that things in her life that seemed too good to be true usually are, so she freaked out. What if they only worked well at Barden because they weren't with each other 24/7? (Even though it seemed like they were) What if after a few months of really living together, they can't stand each other anymore, but they would be stuck together because of a lease? Sure, they could find separate apartments, or one could just move out, but that would still be hard. Maybe it would be for the best if they ended things before the graduated. They had a nice run at Barden; they can go separate ways thinking like that. She can move on once she gets to LA, and so can he. Beca always knew it wouldn't last anyway. All that talk about a future together and marriage was just talk, it would never happen. He'd find someone else, someone better. And maybe she'd find someone too, even though she knew no one could ever be better than Jesse.
Beca sighed as she shifted in the armchair that was in the student lounge. She had been trying to study for a test she had tomorrow and she couldn't get any work done at the house because Donald was visiting Stacie, and Fat Amy decided the living room needed to be rearranged ("It's called feng shui, Shawshank. You could use a bit of good fortune."). Beca was beyond happy when she walked into the lounge and saw that no one was at that damn piano that was in the middle of the room. She couldn't stand that one kid who always insisted on playing it at random times of the day. She couldn't hear herself think over it.
Speak (or rather think) of the devil, she began to hear piano music play. She tried to ignore it as she flipped the pages of her textbook, she even put on her headphones, but nothing blocked it out. Finally, after twenty minutes, she stormed over to the piano and was ready to curse out whoever it was out, but her voice disappeared once she saw who was playing.
"I was wondering how long it would take for you to get so annoyed you'd come over here," he said with a small smile as he continued playing.
"You really think this is the best way to get me to talk to you, Swanson?"
"You're talking to me, aren't you?"
"Not anymore," she said and began to walk away. She froze when she heard him start to sing, though.
Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear you name
It all just sounds like ooh ..
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man
Beca turned around and felt her eyes tear up a bit as she listened to him play. She refused to let him know the effect he was having on her, so she looked down at the ground and tried to muster up the most pissed off expression she could.
My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Cause a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh ..
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes
It all just sounds like ooh ..
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man
Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want to know
I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
"I hate dancing," she said quietly as he stopped. "And flowers."
"I know," he nodded.
"I don't know what to do, Jesse," she said, feeling her chest tighten like she was going to burst out into tears. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down, because she'd be damned if she started to cry in front of all these people. Who were staring at them. Yeah, she was going to have to put an end to the staring. "You can all go back to whatever the fuck you were doing before all this, thanks."
"I'm so sorry, Beca," Jesse said as he got off the piano bench and walked over to her. He reached out to grab her hands, but she moved away. He tried to ignore the way his heart clenched when she did that. "I shouldn't have walked out, I'm sorry."
"I have to go," she said as she walked over to her chair to grab her stuff and began to leave. He was right behind her, though. He was going to fix this.
"Beca, please," he said, grabbing her arm to stop her when he caught up to her outside. For someone so tiny, she was pretty fast.
"Just stop it. It's over, Jesse," she said, her voice wavering as she said that.
"No, it's not. You and I both know it's not."
"It's not going to work, so why act like it is? We're going to move to LA and resent each other after a few months. Let's just end it now so we can look back and say we made the right decision."
"We're not making the right decision," he said as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down at her. "I'm sorry I walked out, I shouldn't have. I didn't mean I was done with us, though. I was done with the argument. I couldn't understand why you didn't want to move in together. I get it now."
"So you agree with me?"
"No, not if you think we're breaking up," he said. "If you don't want to move in together, that's fine. We'll move into separate apartments and we'll live how we do here. We're not breaking up though."
"You really don't understand, do you? I'm over this."
"No you're not."
"You're not hearing a word I'm saying, are you?"
"I hear you loud and clear, but I know you're just shutting me out because you think that's what's best. I know what's best for us, Beca. It's not that."
"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Just accept the fact that we're through."
"Will you just stop being so stubborn?" Jesse yelled, startling Beca. "I understand that you're scared, because I am too. It's obviously not going to be easy when we first move to LA, but we can do it."
"No we can't, Jesse."
"Yes we can."
"Maybe I don't want to," she said, not looking him in the eye.
"Bullshit. Why don't you try be honest with me, and yourself, for a change."
"You want me to be honest? Fine," she said, throwing her hands in the air as she began to pace in front of him. "You scare the shit out of me, Jesse. All I've ever wanted was a life in LA so I can pursue my dream. That's it. Just me, no one else. Then you had to come in the picture and suddenly I want a future with you. I start thinking about what it would be like to be your wife, to have kids – and I dislike kids. I'm so far from a kid person, but because you want kids, I've actually thought about it. All those conversations we had about getting married and our future were just conversations two years ago, but now? Now their turning into a potential reality – a reality I never saw for myself until you came into my life. That scares me because my plans have changed so drastically, and if you suddenly decide that you're over this, I won't know what to do with myself. I never wanted to be that type of girl who's future revolves around a guy, and you've turned me into that person. So I freaked out because when you said you wanted to move in with me, that makes everything I've thought of, everything we've talked about, actually real. And when something is real, things could go bad, and usually things go bad for me. I can't have this go bad, Jesse. I don't know if I will be able to handle it if it does. How's that for honesty?"
"I want all those things too, Beca. With you, only you," he said, grabbing her face so she would look at him. "No matter how hard it gets, I will always be there because I love you and I want this to work too. And it will. It's all going to be fine. You won't be alone."
"I'm sorry, Jesse," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him. Jesse reveled in the feeling of having Beca back in his arms after a month without her.
"Does this mean we're moving in together? Because I found a great apartment," he told her. "Even has two bedrooms so we can have our own space, if that's what you want."
"I-I don't know," she stuttered. "I just don't want to keep arguing over this with you."
"Okay," he said sadly, knowing this issue was far from resolved. "We have time to figure it out."
"We have a month until graduation, Jess," she sighed sadly.
"Like I said, we have time. We don't have to move to LA right away."
"I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you want," she said quietly.
"Don't worry about it," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Why don't we get dinner and then we can go back to my place."
"Okay," she said, giving him a small smile. She could see the pain in his eyes that she didn't say she wanted to move in with him, but she was still scared. Beca didn't want to hurt him, but her self-preservation instincts were keeping her from saying yes. She didn't want to get hurt in the end, but she didn't want to hurt him either.
So, what did you guys think?
The next chapter is graduation & then they're done at Barden. I'm not sure what to do from there. I have the chapters written, so it's not a problem as with what to write, but where I should put it lol. Some of you suggested making a sequel of their lives in LA [which they may or may not be living together for. You have to wait to find that out ;)] However, I don't think I'll get really a lot of chapters for that & at this point, I might as well just keep adding to this story and keep it all in the same place. Trust me, I realize how long this story has gotten, I'm trying to figure out exactly when it got too long lol.
I'm considering writing another story after this one, an AU, but I have to plan it out and it won't be posted until this one is completely finished. I don't have the attention span to write two full stories at the same time. My brain can't deal lol.
So, let me know what you thought of this chapter. I can't believe I'm almost at 700 reviews, that's absolutely insane. You guys are awesome, seriously. I wouldn't have gotten this far with this story if it wasn't for all of you. So thank you :D