8D I like Kuchinawa. A lot. Actually, I like Sheena x Kuchinawa a lot. A lot a lot. So this was an excellent chapter for me. DON'T WORRY SILLIES I promise I'll keep everything canon. Really.
Does anyone know what Zelos' mom's name is?
--
Chapter Thirty-Six
Once they reached level ground, Lloyd turned around to face his posse.
"Hey, guys? Do you think the drawbridge is still up?"
"Most likely," Zelos shrugged. "They probably want to keep us stuck on one continent, so we'll be easier to find."
Everyone laughed heartily at this, because who could ever catch the good guys?
"Anyway," Lloyd continued, wiping a tear from his eye. "How are we gonna get back to Sybak then?"
"I think I've got a plan," Sheena announced, and everyone turned to listen. "I've got some friends at the Research Academy in Meltokio, so maybe they can help us get to Sybak."
"Only one problem with that, Sheena," Genis said, always the logic little prick. "That would be taking us right to the guys who are trying to arrest us."
"B-but!" Sheena tried to defend herself. "Weren't we all just laughing about how they could never catch us??"
"Sure, if we stay in hiding," Raine pointed out. "I hardly think that waltzing right into Meltokio is the best idea."
"Actually, we might be better off in Meltokio," Zelos said thoughtfully. "I mean, it's really crowded and all th-"
"Shut the hell up, Zelos!" Lloyd snapped. The redhead ran into a corner to cry.
"Anyway," Lloyd continued. "It doesn't look like we have much of a choice, do we? We're gonna have to go to Meltokio!"
"I agree with Lloyd!" Colette announced, very happy to be capable of agreeing with Lloyd again.
Everyone nodded reluctantly and they set off. Zelos hung back a bit, miserable.
"How come nobody listens to the great Zelos?" he whined.
"Fuck you, Zelos!" someone shouted from ahead.
--
When the Chosen posse reached Meltokio, they were dismayed to find the gates closed and the city locked up tight. Fortunately, the two guards on duty didn't know that Zelos had slept with both their wives, so when they spotted the Chosen and his "friends", they were sympathetic.
"Sorry, Chosen, but we can't let you through," the guard on the left told the group.
"You'd better get out of here before someone comes to arrest you," the guard on the right added.
"You mean, like you should be doing right now?" Genis asked dryly. He was punched by about five people at once.
"Well, I guess we'll just be going now!" Zelos said loudly, spinning around to face the rest of his posse. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Don't worry, guys, the great Zelos knows how to get in!"
He turned and started walking alongside the wall, announcing very loudly that he was leaving, so there was not need for the guards to follow. Lloyd and co. followed uncertainly.
Soon, they reached a grate in the wall, through which water was flowing loudly.
"What the hell is this?" Lloyd asked, eying the river curiously.
"This, my fine friend, is a sewer!" Zelos announced, waving his hand towards the grate cheerfully. He then proceeded to tug a few bars out of the hole, so that there was room enough for someone to squeeze through.
"What's a sewer?" Colette asked innocently.
"You don't know what a sewer is?" Zelos asked incredulously, dropping the bar he was holding into the water.
The Sylvarantians all shook their heads.
"Well, it's this… this thing where…" Zelos began.
"You see, stuff from the city… eh, that is…" Sheena stumbled over an explanation. She looked at the children and Raine, who were looking even more confused, and sighed. "You know what? You're better off not knowing."
That said, Zelos led the way through their hole in the wall and into the "sewer".
"Eww!" Lloyd wailed thirteen seconds into the tunnel. "It smells in here!"
"Why do you know how to get through here, Zelos?" Colette asked the redhead as she stuffed tissues up her super-angel-sensitive nostrils.
"Well, you know, Colette," the great Zelos shrugged. "I have to sneak into the city after dark all the time."
Colette tilted her head to the side. "Why?"
The pervert snickered. "If you'd like, Colette, I could-" he coughed lightly. "-educate you tonight…"
It was at this point that Zelos was brutally beaten by Sheena, and Colette was gently led away by Raine.
Not too long later, the bleeding redhead came to a sudden stop before a door which appeared to be locked.
"What gives, Zelos?" Lloyd snapped, pushing his way through the crowd his posse had become to reach the door.
"The door's locked, man!" Zelos whined. Lloyd leaned around him to examine the door closely.
"Huh," the swordsman shrugged. "I guess now we'll have to figure out some complex puzzle in order to find a way through and or around this locked door, after which we will most likely be attacked by some mutant sewer squid or something, so that we can finally get out of this shortcut-turned-temple and continue on with our quest."
"Or you could pick the lock like you always do," Sheena added.
"Oh, yeah!" Lloyd immediately turned to do so. Several minutes later, the door swung open. Colette applauded like a maniac, and the group paraded through.
Several slimy and rat-infested minutes later, the children and Raine could finally almost breathe through their nostrils again.
"Aha!" Lloyd cried, throwing his arms out and inhaling deeply. "I can smell again!"
Then the fumes overpowered him, and he passed out.
Just then, a mysterious figure in a bra leapt out of the shadows and tackled our redheaded hero.
"AIIIIEEEEE!" Zelos shrieked as a grime-coated boot dug into his designer pink jacket. "Nooooooooo! How do you expect me to get that slime out of my jacket, huh? HOW??"
"Nobody move!" the man in the bra cried, trying to wave his arms about until he remembered that they were cuffed together. Lloyd couldn't help but think that was a very strange fashion statement. The weird man grated his heel against Zelos' spine to show that he meant business, and the Chosen squealed.
"Now," the man said very slowly and clearly. "You are going to hand over that blonde chick and maybe then I won't kill the Chosen."
"Save me, Lloyd!" Zelos screeched.
Just then, Presea leapt into action. Action involving a heavy swipe at the blue-headed handcuffed man, who toppled off the Chosen loudly. Zelos screamed and ran to hide behind Lloyd.
"Fucking shit!" the bluehead banged his fists against the ground. He then awkwardly climbed to his feet and made to attack Presea… and then stopped.
The convict stared at the girl. And the girl blankly watched a rat tear a jellyfish limb from limb.
"Hey, pedo!" Genis shouted at the man as he continued to watch Presea. "Back off!" The half-elf then summoned up a very powerful fire ball, which sent the blue-haired convict running.
Everyone watched him leave before they moved. Then Lloyd shoved Zelos off of him.
"What was that all about?" Raine asked no one in particular.
"Someone else trying to kidnap Colette, apparently," Sheena answered. "When are they going to get over that?"
Colette started crying, which she could do now. "I'm so sorry, everyone! I'm such a burden!"
Everyone nodded sadly before they found themselves a slimy ladder and climbed out of the sewers.
"Yes! Fresh air!" Lloyd screamed, leaping out of the manhole he had just crawled through and spreading his arms wide. Several bystanders leapt back in shock as this grimy teenager emerged from the sewers.
"Yay!" Colette cheered as, having followed her hero Lloyd out of the manhole, she plucked the tissues out of her nostrils and did a happy dance.
After everyone else had climbed out of the hole-in-the-ground and smacked Lloyd for making such a racket, the group headed off towards the Research Academy.
--
With a bang and a crash, Sheena knocked open the heavy doors of the building and lead her friends into the gloomy room. It contained a desk and a hole which probably led to a basement, and had a weird sort of chemistry-ish smell to it.
"OHEMGEE!" Sheena suddenly screeched, pointing to the dark interior of the room. "KUCHI-CHANCHAN!"
"SHEENA-CHANCHAN!" came a shout from the shadows, where once could just barely make out the silhouette of a man.
"Hey, how come it's OK for him to call her that?" Lloyd just barely had time to grumble before the ninja leapt into the room to attack this 'Kuchi-chanchan'.
Someone finally flicked a light switch, and the Chosen and her posse were at last able to make out the mysterious man Sheena was embracing. Or, they would have, if he didn't have his whole face covered like a freaking ninja or something.
"Oh, everybody!" Sheena exclaimed, as if she had just noticed her friends standing awkwardly by the door. She indicated the red-clad ninja beside her. "This is my friend from Mizuho; Kuchinawa."
Kuchinawa waved. Zelos, face red, stormed up to the ninja.
"Just what is you're relationship with Sheena??" he snapped, poking Kuchinawa's chest threateningly. The red-clad ninja raised his eyebrows .
"Uhm… didn't Sheena just tell you we were friends?"
Sheena snarled something incoherent and dragged the redhead away from her confused compadre.
"Uh…" Kuchinawa glanced at the party uncertainly. "What are you guys doing here, anyway?"
"We wanna get to Sybak," Lloyd explained, a bit upset at having been ignored throughout the conversation. "But the bridge is up."
"Oh, yeah," Sheena nodded, looking up from where she had been brutally paper cutting Zelos' head. "I'm gonna go on downstairs and talk with everybody, so you guys just wait here."
She then scurried down into the basement, followed by an eager Kuchinawa.
Lloyd turned to face his party. "Well, guys, Sheena told us to wait here."
Everyone nodded.
Lloyd then turned and headed into the basement.
"What the fuck do you mean, we have to ride in the EC??" Sheena was shrieking as the party stepped into the depths of the basement. She vented her anger by spinning around and punching Zelos in the face.
"It'll be OK, Sheena!" a scientist with red hair tried to reassure the angry ninja. "Look, I know the EC is meant for land, but-"
"What's an EC?" Genis squeaked.
"EC," Presea spoke with all the enthusiasm of purple wallpaper. "Elemental Cargo. A vehicle used to transport cargo."
"What, like, boxes and shit?" Lloyd asked dumbly. "What're we, packages?"
"How is a vehicle meant for land supposed to travel across the sea?" Raine asked skeptically.
The scientist held up his hands. "Wait, wait! Don't get mad! If Sheena uses Undine, then the EC should be able to-"
"Oh, I see!" Colette giggled. "Undine can make the EC float, right?"
"Something like that…" Sheena mumbled. She sighed. "Alright, it seems like this is our only choice."
The scientist brightened up once he found out he wasn't going to get a bloody nose like Zelos. "Alright, we'll get right to work and have it ready by tomorrow…"
"WHAT?" The entire group shrieked at once.
"We can't stay here!" Lloyd panicked, waving his arms around. "We'll get caught!"
"I hardly want to stay here, either," Raine agreed solemnly. "But, if we have no other choice…"
"Yeah, this'll be fun!" Zelos piped up. "You all can stay at my place!"
"Uh, don't you think the Papal Knights will find us there?" Genis asked with a roll of his eyes.
"Well…" Lloyd tapped his chin in thought. "If we're gonna stay in the city, it'll be dangerous no matter where we go, right?"
Raine blinked. "Actually… that's true, Lloyd. I guess you do show your smarts every once and a while."
Lloyd beamed, until he realized he was being made fun of. By the time he had thought up a comeback, however, his friends had already climbed the stairs, and he had no choice but to hurry after them.
--
"Well, guys, this is it!" Zelos said as he came to a stop along a cobbled street. "My house! My pad! Mi casa!"
The Sylvarantians looked around curiously.
"Where?" Lloyd asked at last. "All I can see is that big-ass skyscraper there!"
Genis frowned. "No, Lloyd, I think that's the capital building… Zelos, is your house behind the capital building?"
"No no no!" Zelos waved his arms, thrown-off by his audience's lack of enthusiasm. "That building is my house!"
"Woooah!" Everyone except Presea gasped.
"This place is even bigger than our school!" Colette squeaked.
"You mean your one-room, wooden shack of a school?" Sheena asked skeptically.
"Well, don't just stand there like a bunch of hobos!" Zelos cried. He flourished proudly at his mansion before grabbing Lloyd's gloved hand and dragging him in.
"Greetings, Master Zelos," said a creepy old man in a tux as soon as Zelos led his harem – I mean, friends through the grand front doors.
"Yo," Zelos said casually. He glanced about the huge entryway, ignoring Lloyd who was struggling to escape from his grasp.
"Zelos?" Genis asked the redhead. "Why is there an ugly old man at your door?"
Zelos laughed. "He's my butler!"
The butler looked a bit peeved, but he spoke in the same butler-ish tone he had been using since the group had entered: "Master Zelos, the Papal Knights were here. They told me to report to them as soon as you came home."
"Yeah, you can just ignore that," Zelos calmly told his butler. The old man bowed.
"Yes sir. So…" he coughed nervously and watched his boss out of the corner of his eye. "Who is the young man on your arm with the swords? Shall I prepare the 'special room', or will you handle this yourself?"
There was a minor interruption from the back, when both Sheena and the Professor suddenly bled explosively from the nose. Lloyd frowned.
"I dun' get it."
"Nah, it's OK," Zelos assured his butler. "This guy's my bud."
The butler eyed Lloyd, who couldn't help but feel a bit creeped out (but maybe that had something to do with the way Zelos was still clinging to his elbow like an old lady).
"Well then, Sir Bud, please enjoy your… erm, stay."
With that, the butler exited the scene.
"My name's not Bud!" Lloyd hollered after him.
"Don't worry, bud," Zelos reassured the brunette with a pat on the shoulder. "Usually when I show up with a man on my arm, Sebastian calls him Sir Whore, so I'd say you're a step up."
Lloyd stood in Zelos' embrace silently for a moment, then punched the redhead right in his pretty face.