Disclaimer: Nope, still not Stephenie Meyer or V.C. Andrews.

Long Ass A/N: Well, well, what the hell is this? An actual chapter from me? Yes! Whoo! I have many excuses and even I'm tired of them. Let's just sum it up to say I couldn't seem to get my ass going on Legacy. Hell, I started writing another story, an Emmett-centric POV fic that I've always wanted to write, but I couldn't seem to get anything to come out of me for Legacy. Since I'm having such a horrible time juggling the stories I have out now, I'm not publishing the Emmett fic yet. I'm sharing it with a few people in Google Docs for input.

I wrote a future Outtake for MsKathy's Twi-Fans for Haiti and I can post it for others to see in March. I also wrote an Outtake for AnjieNet for the Fandom Gives Back Auction. That can be found under Legacy: Extras & Outtakes. The Outtake is from Esme's POV and has a tissue warning. Hell, I cried while writing the sucker!

So I screwed up and gave the Swans a DVD player in their living room when earlier I had put stated that they didn't have one downstairs. Um, Bella gave it to Charlie for Christmas? Whoops!

Not all the chapters are up yet, but I am slowly adding Legacy to MyVampFiction and The Writer's Coffee Shop Library. I'll put the links up on my profile here.

Most importantly--Legacy made it through to the voting round in the Bellie Awards! Do you know how ecstatic I am? Legacy is nominated in the category "Emmett You Want as Your Brother". I will not lie, I love my Emmett. If you like Legacy's Emmett and think he deserves to win, please visit the Eddie and Bellie's site and vote for Legacy. www[dot]thecatt[dot]net I think voting ends at the end of February 2010 (big reason why I wanted to get this chapter out!)

I'd like to welcome all the new readers to Legacy. There have been a ton of you! I'm assuming that you're finding Legacy from the Bellie nomination. Feel free to say hi! I love hearing from my readers. If you don't have PM's enabled, I'm unable to reply to your reviews. Someone posted a few nice reviews and I wanted to reply, but alas, I couldn't.

Oh, wait, did you notice that Legacy has a new summary? It's courtesy of ToTheEights at Twilighted.

Thanks to Lisa & Betty for pre-reading and Bridget for being my most awesome beta.

Chapter 37: 20 QUESTIONS

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dear Big Brown Journal,

I refuse to open any entry with "Dear Diary." That is way too damn girly. Instead, you'll be my BBJ. Wait, no, that's too close to BJ and gets me thinking about Bella and… I'll just have tospell out Big Brown Journal. Maybe Journal for short.

Okay, enough of my idiocy!

I thought I'd actually write an entry in you since Bella had given you to me with good intentions. Yesterday was a mixed bag of sorts. I don't even know what the fuck that means. I talked more with Carlisle and Esme. It was nice to learn more about Esme's side of my family. Her parents are coming to visit tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous about meeting them for the first time.

Everyone keeps on saying that they're really nice and normal compared to Carlisle's family, but they've known them for their entire lives. I'm worried about what they're going to expect from me. Are they going to be pushy like Esme? I want them to like me and I want to like them too, but I don't know. I've never had grandparents before, and I really don't know how this entire grandparent deal works.

Esme didn't get on my nerves once yesterday, even when she touched me and said that she loved me and Carlisle—verbal diarrhea and all. Truthfully, I was surprised with myself. A few weeks ago I think that shit would've annoyed the hell out of me. I'm trying to try harder to accept her and to let her into my heart more. I know she's my mother and that she's a good person. I'm just having a hard time coming up with an equation where in the end it equals loving her.

Emmett, Alice, and I talked up in Emmett's room for a while and it was nice spending time with them. I don't know why Emmett and Jasper decapitated and then kept the heads and bodies of Alice's Barbie dolls. That's twisted if you ask me! It was funny when Alice threw one of the Barbie heads at Emmett, but then I thought I was going to hyperventilate or something when they started arguing. I didn't grow up with them, so I never experienced that type of fake fighting deal. When Peter and Liz fooled around like that there was a lot more laughing and I knew they weren't really fighting. Maybe I became upset because Emmett and Alice (and Carlisle and Esme downstairs) sounded like they were fighting even though they weren't.

I found the camera Liz had given me the night of the Snow Ball dance. I know I need to tell Esme about it, but I don't know how. I want to see the pictures and I know she won't like that. I can't see how keeping them hidden from her would do any good either. Is this a no-win situation, Journal?

I stopped by Bella's on the way home and ended up having dinner with her and Charlie. Earlier in the day Carlisle joked and made a whipping noise when I mentioned Bella. Yeah, okay, maybe I am whipped where Bella is concerned, but I love her and can't help it. Jesus, what am I going to be like when we finally take the next step and go all the way?

I think I need a desk for my room. I'm lying here on my bed and Sabrina keeps on trying to lay on you.

Later,

-E

Okay, so that was entirely fucking stupid and probably not therapeutic in the least little bit. Moving Sabrina aside so I could close the journal, I inched my way forward, opened the drawer in the nightstand, and placed it inside. The old family picture with Peter and Liz was back in the drawer, face down, and the journal rested on top of it. I had put the money and pocket watch back in the drawer while the blanket was folded at the foot of my bed.

Instead of getting up right away and heading downstairs, I lay on my bed and played with Sabrina. She was currently hyper and easy to excite. I grabbed the laser light and shined it on the wall, watching as Sabrina tried to catch it with her paws. The little nutcase even ran in circles trying to chase down the ever elusive light. I wasn't quite sure why, but I was laughing my ass off at her antics before I decided to go downstairs so Esme and I could head out.

Esme informed me that there were two places in Forks where I could get my hair cut. One place had the word "Salon" in the title, and I was not looking forward to stepping into that building. Esme wanted to get something done to her eyebrows and said that the Salon was her usual place. I was not a girl and wasn't getting my nails done or hopping in a tanning bed. What I needed was someone who knew how to use a pair of scissors to cut my hair. That was all. I'd take that guy in the movie with scissors as hands if he was available. I needed my hair cut; I didn't need to be made up all pretty. In the end I caved for Esme, and we headed for the Salon, my manhood securely tucked between my legs.

We waited together, flipping through slightly outdated magazines, until they were ready for us. I was glad to see other men at the salon, though I'd have to say most of them kept their eyes downcast in embarrassment much like I did. A woman named Violet ended up cutting my hair, and out of the corner of my eye I could see some obviously flamboyant gay man working on Esme's eyebrows. Whatever he was doing didn't appear to be painful but then Violet informed me that Victor was using hot wax. On Esme's face. Hot wax. Ouch! Women were weird, but then again, they give birth and managed to push something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon. I came to the conclusion that either women were more masochistic than I originally thought or just fucking insane. That damn owl never figured out how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop because he always bit it. Like him, I'd probably never know the answer to my question, but it wasn't because I was going around biting every female. That'd be downright odd.

Violet was nice but talkative, asking me how I was doing. I offered little information, answering as little as possible in order to keep my privacy. I overheard Esme talking to Victor, but I didn't know Violet and didn't have a history with her. If I had to talk to someone about my life I'd much rather talk with Bella or another member of my family than some stranger cutting my hair. I didn't know how women could tell the people who cut their hair everything about their lives. Was I missing something?

I had to admit that Violet was good at her job and didn't cut my hair too short. Actually, my remaining hair was still unruly and refused to stay down even when Violet put some gel in it. Not accustomed to the feeling of some crap in my hair, I ran my hand through it, messing it up. That felt much more like me.

Surprisingly, we headed to Sully's Drive-In where we were going to have lunch. It wasn't the type of place I could really see Esme in, but Forks didn't really have anything upscale.

I knew that I needed to talk to Esme, but it was hard to bring up certain subjects with her and we were awkward with each other. Why was it so much easier to talk to Carlisle? Examining the menu, I wasn't sure what I wanted and asked Esme for recommendations. While we waited for our food we sat at the table across from each other, not quite knowing what to say or do. If I continued to nervously drink my soda, I would've needed two or three refills before our food arrived.

"I was wondering if I could get a desk for my room," I said finally. "It'd be easier to do school work on it. It seems like Sabrina enjoys lying on whatever I'm looking at."

"Of course dear, I never thought to put a desk in your room," she said apolitically. "We can go to Port Angeles if you'd like."

"What about the thrift store next to the Clothing Bank?"

"I highly doubt they'd have something in decent shape." Esme had probably never stepped foot in the building. I thought it'd be easier to search Forks for a desk first before driving an hour away.

"I don't need anything fancy," I explained. "I just need something to sit at and use my laptop and do my school work."

"We can always go to Wal-Mart."

"Oh, that'd be good," I said. "Don't tell Alice, but Tony and Jan gave me a gift card to Wal-Mart."

"Honey, don't be ridiculous!" Esme was smiling at me. "If you need a desk, your father and I don't expect you to buy it. Keep your gift card so you can get something you want. Maybe there's some CDs or DVDs you'd like?"

"Maybe," I shrugged. "This whole entire 'having material items' thing is really new to me."

"Keep spending time with Alice, she'll break you out of that." Esme winked at me.

Our food came, and we made small chit chat during the meal. Even though we were both nearly full, we decided to share a banana split for dessert. While we were waiting for the check to arrive, I decided to broach the touchy topic of the disposable camera since Esme was in a good mood.

"I have to tell you something and I know you may not like what I'm about to say."

She sat straight up in her seat as if a rod was shoved up her spine. "What is it?"

I exhaled before I continued, my gaze fixed on her. "Yesterday, when I was putting my clothes away, I found something. For the Snow Ball dance I used a blazer from Jasper. I realized it was still in my closet and when I went to get it, I found a disposable camera from the night of the dance. Liz gave it to me to take pictures. I know there's pictures of them with me on there, but there's also pictures of me with Emmett and everyone else."

"Okay." I assumed that Esme didn't quite know where I was headed.

"When I went to Chinook yesterday it was to drop the camera off," I blurted the words out quickly. "I'm sorry for not being straight with you about it."

Esme took a sip of her coffee before speaking. "I appreciate your honesty."

"During one of our talks, Carlisle told me that whatever happens with Liz that I shouldn't shove our relationship in your face. I get that. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have," I said. "I didn't want you to find the pictures at a later date and have another argument with you. I won't put them up in my room because I think that'd be disrespectful to both of you, especially at this time, but I really want the pictures."

Esme wasn't looking directly at me; instead, her gaze appeared to have traveled to somewhere over my shoulder. She refocused her attention to me before she spoke, choosing her words carefully. "Thank you for thinking of us and not being selfish. I honestly don't know how I'd handle it if you had their pictures plastered all over your room. I think I could handle knowing you have one picture of them somewhere visible since you have others of the family on display."

"I appreciate you saying that, but I don't believe that it wouldn't hurt you to see pictures of them in my room. I won't put them up." I placed my hand over hers on the table. "I'll get another album to keep them in."

"Don't worry about me." She removed her hand from underneath mine, her fingertips brushing mine as she slid her hand away.

"I can't help it, I have to," I insisted. "I don't want to be stupid and cause more problems between us. We have enough to work through and deal with. I don't want to upset you over something I could think about and prevent." Sighing, she leaned back in her chair. I wasn't sure how to interpret her expression. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, why?" Esme glanced at the check and started digging through her purse to pay for our meal.

I shook off the feeling of uneasiness. "Nevermind."

"Why don't we go to Chinook and get your pictures?"

"Are you sure?" I was more than a little surprised at her comment.

"Yes, why?"

"You don't have to do that," I said. "I can go and get them by myself."

"Edward, we're out, so we might as well go and pick them up."

She more than surprised me with her willingness. Esme drove to Chinook and waited in the SUV while I ran inside to pick up the pictures. As I was buckling my seat belt, she surprised me again. "So, let me see how they came out!"

"Um, what?"

"Can I see your pictures?" She actually appeared enthusiastic about viewing them.

I hadn't been expecting her to want to see them. In fact, I had flipped through the pictures quickly inside Chinook before hurrying back out to the car. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'd like to see your pictures," she said. "You, Emmett, and Alice are in them, so I'd like to look at them."

Removing the pictures from the envelope, I handed them to Esme and kept the negatives safely in my possession in case Esme couldn't handle seeing me with Peter and Liz and started tearing the pictures up. She flipped through them silently, smiling now and then at whatever her eyes were currently on.

"You…you should get an eight-by-ten of this for her." Esme flipped the picture in her hand in my direction. It was the picture of me with Peter and Liz. "Get a nice frame and give it to Liz when she gets out."

"Um, yeah, maybe I'll do that." I didn't want to mention or talk about Peter and Liz in front of her. I didn't think it would help our already delicate relationship for me to talk about two people she probably hated. After thinking about it, I thought Esme wasn't as comfortable as she came across with even saying Peter and Liz's name—she had referred to Liz as "her" at first.

"You should do that with the other picture of all three of you, too."

"Using that machine with Alice came in handy," I said. "Now I can do that on my own."

"They came out good for a disposable camera." Esme handed the pictures back to me. "If you remember, can you get me a few copies?"

"Sure, any particular ones?"

She showed me which pictures she'd like copies of, and I hoped I'd be able to commit her choices to memory. Esme pulled out of the parking lot, and we left Chinook and Forks, headed to Port Angeles.

Much to my dismay, Wal-Mart was packed with after-holiday bargain hunters. "Look at that parking lot. We'd be standing on line for an hour. Why don't we go to Staples?" Esme suggested.

"That sounds good to me!" I said. "I am not a fan of lines."

"Sorry, I know how much you love Wal-Mart." Esme smiled, and I could tell she was trying to hold back laughter.

"I can make a trip with Bella some other time."

While at Staples, we did find a desk that I liked. It was a bit larger than what I originally imagined in my room. Not completely certain it would fit the area where I wanted to put it, we phoned home and Emmett went into my room and measured the space. While Esme had him on the phone, I picked out a chair to go with the desk. I was thankful that there was an employee able to come out and help us load the heavy items into Esme's SUV. I was not strong enough to lift the desk into the hatch by myself. Hell, I knew Emmett was going to have to basically carry the damn desk up the stairs to my room for me.

The ride to Port Angeles had been uncomfortably quiet, and I honestly dreaded the ride back. "Esme, I have an idea."

"That's always good."

"That was so Carlisle."

She laughed. "I've been married to the man for so long; I guess I picked up on a few things!

"There's a lot I don't know about you, and I'm sure you feel the same way about me."

Esme kept her eyes on the road but nodded her head in agreement. "I missed out on your entire life."

My mother had missed out on my entire life, but I had missed out on getting to know her throughout the years. "Care to play a little twenty questions?"

"I'm game, even though there are probably more than twenty questions I could think of to ask you."

"I know, I have a lot I'd like to ask you too, but I'm not sure if I'll come up with all of them right now."

"It was your idea, so why don't you start?"

"Okay, gimme a second." I tried to think of what to ask her. My brain had horrible timing. There were a lot of things I wanted to know about Esme and Carlisle, but I'd be damned if I could think of what I wanted to ask right at that moment. "Why did you get into Interior Design?"

"I've always loved art, but didn't have the skills to actually paint a picture or sculpt or whatever," she explained. "It was a compromise. I could still do something artistic but in a different way."

"So you enjoy what you do then?"

"Oh yes, very much," she said. "That was two."

"Is it hard to find work around Forks because the area is so small?"

"Sometimes, but I've actually worked for people as far away as Seattle."

"Really?" I wondered how that worked and before I could say more, she responded to my unasked question.

"Usually I can make one trip to a location to see what it, take measurements and pictures." Her voice grew with excitement over her work. "Then, if the client is willing, we can do most things over the computer. I like to get together with them to show them the actual final choices just to be sure. Then, the ordering and decorating comes into play. That's four, dear."

"How did you and Carlisle meet?"

"We met in college."

"Did you think you were simply a rebound or did you think it would last with him?"

"The rebound aspect did come to mind. Your father and Bridget had been together for about a year, so I thought they had been close, but I was wrong." Esme smiled at the memories. "They weren't as close as I thought because of all their school work. They were more like friends."

"You lucked out then."

"Indeed I did."

"Six," we both said at the same time and then started laughing.

"Did you always want to have kids?"

"Oh, yes," she said, smiling. "I always had dolls and would carry them around everywhere with me."

"If certain things hadn't happened, would you have wanted to have more kids?" She didn't answer right away. Instead, she continued to drive. Esme's eyes were straight ahead on the road, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. "I'm sorry, too personal?"

"No, sorry, it just brings up a lot…." Esme's voice trailed off. "I had a very hard time just functioning after you were taken. I panicked when I learned that I was pregnant with Alice and was afraid someone would try to take her as well. In a perfect world, yes, I think I would've had more children."

"So that perfect world never existed because I was taken away from you?"

"Right." Esme reached for the knob to the radio. I sensed that she was now uncomfortable with our conversation. Or maybe too emotional. "But things are looking better."

I felt like I had to walk a fine line around Esme. I didn't want to upset her, even if it was unintentionally. My questions had changed from their original direction and had gotten too emotional. Or at least I thought so. I decided to spare Esme for the time being. "I'll stop at nine for now and reserve my remaining eleven questions for a later date."

"What kind of music do you like?" Esme asked me.

"I'm all over the place with music," I said. "Oldies and rock are probably my preference, but I'll listen to almost anything. I don't like a lot of rap music, but I do like Linkin Park."

"You too? I can't believe Carlisle actually likes them." She laughed and reached for the knob to the radio before pulling her hand back. "Go ahead and find something for us." Esme had satellite radio installed in her car, so I scanned the channels, thinking of questions to ask her later on but coming up empty. The dial landed on 60's on 6 and I left it there. "Good choice," she said. "That channel is a favorite of mine."

"Glad I could accommodate both of us."

"What's your favorite subject in school?"

"That's a good one," I said. "I do like Photography, but it's not challenging for me. Well, it is in a sense since I can't remember the stupid manual settings. I'd guess Math and Science are my favorites."

"Oh, dear, you are a geek like Carlisle!" Esme started laughing, sounding carefree and happy. "I think Math and Science were his favorites too, and he gave me much the same excuse. He liked to be challenged. He didn't like courses that bored him or that were too easy."

"Sometimes, if it wasn't for the age difference, I'd wonder if we we're twins."

"Trust me, you're not twins." She started laughing. "Carlisle's my husband, not one of my children, though sometimes there does seem to be a thin line between the two. So, since you grew up as an only child, do you like having a brother and sister?"

"Emmett and Alice are great," I said. "I enjoy having them around."

"Do you regret not having siblings growing up?"

"Mmm, that's a toughie." I paused, unsure of how to continue until I gathered my thoughts. "You'd think I would've wanted someone around, but it never crossed my mind. As much as we moved, I never had friends, and after a while I stopped caring. I became numb to it all. Do I regret not having siblings while I was growing up? No. I think this would have been even harder if I had a so-called sibling. Do I regret not knowing my actual siblings? God, yes."

Now who was getting emotional?

"Do you miss them?" She didn't have to use their names; I knew who she was talking about.

"At times, yes," I replied honestly. "I'd rather not elaborate more on that. It's too…too much to get into. You don't need to hear it either."

Esme was quiet and I said no more. Of course I missed them. They raised me. I spent the first seventeen years of my life with them. Each day was getting easier, but I still thought about them in varying ways. I was sad for Liz and hopeful I'd be able to see her once more. I had an overwhelming urge and need to say goodbye to her. It would be hard, but I thought we would both need closure. On the other hand, Peter was a different matter. There were so many mixed emotions associated with him. I had loved and depended on him only to learn that he knew I wasn't his and that he continued to keep me from my biological family. I wanted to hate him. I knew I should hate him, but somehow, idiotically, I couldn't bring myself to feel full-on hate toward the man. For a few minutes we sat with the music as the only sound echoing throughout the car.

"You've lived in a lot of states, do you have a favorite?"

"Am I supposed to say Washington by default?"

She laughed. "No."

"I don't know if I have a favorite anyway. I liked New Jersey but that was only because we actually had money for a while. They took me places and we lived in a nicer house." I remembered why we had money while we were in New Jersey. Peter had contacted my grandmother, and she had given it to him as a continued bribe to keep me away from Esme and Carlisle. Those memories were now tainted with Camilla's greed. "But then I learned why we had some money…and you know what? It doesn't matter. Every place was the same."

"Do you honestly like having a cat or are you more of a dog person?"

"I was never much of either," I explained. "I never had a pet and never had any friends that had pets. Sabrina's cool though. She makes me laugh, which I think is a good thing."

"Do you really like M*A*S*H*?"

"Yes!" I replied, and Esme started laughing. "Why is that so hard to believe?"

"I was wondering if Emmett bought that box set more for himself than for you." She sighed as we entered the town limits of Forks. "If Emmett didn't catch you that night, where would you have gone?"

"Particularly interesting question, Esme." I hadn't even asked myself that question. "Carlisle filled you in on that, huh?"

"Yes, I know Emmett and Jasper helped you escape," she said. "I admit that I was a little angry at first, but after I thought about it, I was glad because I didn't know where you'd end up otherwise."

"I don't know myself. Maybe I would've gone out to the tree house for a few hours to cool down. Or I could've walked over to Bella's even though she was at our place." What would I have done at Bella's? Tried to climb through her window? Wait, wait, I should've gone to the police station to talk to Charlie. Egads, no. "Maybe I would've just walked around in the woods for a few hours, praying not to get lost. You know what? I'm not sure. Emmett ended up being there for me when I needed him."

"I'm glad you didn't wander around the woods by yourself," she said. "You could've gotten frostbite or something wandering in the woods."

Close to home, we both became silent for the rest of the ride. I would have to make notes of what questions I'd like to ask Esme in the future. Twenty questions seemed silly but ended up being a good way to get to know each other better. Pressing the button for the automatic garage door opener, Esme eased the SUV inside.

"You can get Emmett and Jasper to help you bring the desk and chair upstairs." We opened the car doors and exited, closing them and standing on either side of the vehicle. "Maybe the three of you can manage to put them together."

"Sounds like the beginning of a joke, ya know?" I laughed. "How many male teenagers does it take to put a desk and chair together? I'm hoping the answer is a minimum of three."

"You are all very smart and can read directions, I'm sure it won't be a problem." Esme turned and headed toward the door to the house. I followed behind her, but she stopped and turned in my direction at the door.

Knowing that she had something on her mind that she wanted to ask me but couldn't bring herself to, I spoke. "Did you really miss me?"

Esme attempted to smile, but it came out lopsided instead. At first I was worried that she was having a stroke, but then I realized she was just having a hard time composing herself and speaking. There were tears in her eyes and she swallowed hard. "I did," her voice cracked. "I missed you every day."

She wiped a stray tear away with her index finger, her gaze still transfixed on me. "What is it, Esme?"

"Do you think you'll ever learn to love me?"

A few weeks ago, I probably would have been annoyed at her question. Hell, a few days ago I probably would've angrily rolled my eyes at it. Today, I did neither. Esme kept wiping at the tears that were now falling more visibly down her cheeks. Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around her waist. She stood there awkwardly, not quite embracing me. Her hands were resting against my upper arms; her head wasn't bowed down in the usual manner when you hugged someone. I could only guess that she was nervous about showing too much emotion in front of me, afraid that I'd get angry with her and run or shut myself off from her again. I wrapped my arms around her more tightly. "Go ahead," I urged her on.

Esme relaxed, wrapping her arms around my back and letting her head rest on my shoulder.

"Yes," I said without any further explanation.

I felt her breath against my neck as she exhaled and we both spoke at the same time. "Ten."

A/N: Can you think of questions that you'd like Edward and Esme ask each other? What questions would you like Edward to ask the others?

Help Wanted: Pre-Readers. Qualifications: Must be familiar with my shit. Must know how to use Google Docs. Must be able to form coherent sentences and give opinions on my shit.

In the mean time, please review my shit cuz you know I love it when you do!