A/N - I know it's been ages, but when you see the size of this chapter you will understand. I've had to break it in to two parts because it is just CRAZY big, and will be posting both at the same time. I know I have told a few of you that this was meant to be THE chapter where we finally have Remione, but due to the size it's not. I'm so sorry! I didn't think it would be quite so big. I PROMISE its coming!
BIG FAT PUFF LOVE! - leave the puff some love people! Any mistakes are my own!
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Coming Home - Chapter 35 - Part 1
Gifts
28th November 1977 - 6 Months, 13 Days
The dark winter mornings were a godsend in the early hours after a transformation. Darkness still filled the sky, a blanket of comfort for Remus' eyes, as he made the grueling journey back up to the castle. The brisk sharp air both welcomed and disliked, as it both revived the wizard, and hurt his body and it's already aching muscles, as they contracted and shook whilst fighting to keep him warm.
Remus kept his mind focused on the task at hand, ensuring that he made it to the safety of the hospital wing before he even dared to think about how much damage had been inflicted upon himself, or what information Wilkes had supplied him with not moments before his transformation.
He had no qualms in allowing Madam Pomfrey to usher him into his familiar and usual spot, encouraging him to drink potion after potion as she ran the normal diagnostics, frowning for a moment as she saw to a broken rib. Thank James, he thought to himself, as he felt the injury fuse back into the correct place.
When the witch had finished, he lay there, unable to drift off and sleep off the worst of the night before, his eyes never leaving the door in hopes that his normal post-moon visitor would make her appearance. He tried his absolute hardest not to focus on the disappointment bubbling away under the surface when the minutes and then hours ticked by and Hermione still had not arrived when the clock struck eight. It was only then that he allowed himself to reminisce about the both surreal and wonderful conversation he'd shared with Wilkes.
They weren't together anymore. Hermione and Wilkes were no longer Hermione and Wilkes.
The moment Wilkes had stopped him mid-travel the previous evening, confusing Remus greatly, unsure as to why at all he had turned towards the unfamiliar cry of his name from the wizard. He'd then proceeded to silently panic, as thoughts of him kissing this man's witch began to flash through his mind.
That was, until as calmly as he had ever witnessed, Wilkes stood there and told Remus that he knew and he understood his connection with Hermione, that he wouldn't dare stand in the way of something so rare.
Remus had said nothing, was unable to say anything while he stood gawping like a fish out of water. Wilkes had then walked away, with a twinkle in his eye to rival that of Dumbledore.
Did he know about Remus? Did he know of the connection of mate and wolf? Or was it just a sentimental rare form of romance being shown by a Snake? Why did they have to be so vague, always just saying enough to have you think about it, but never enough to fill in all the blanks?
His normal thirty minute walk to the shack had taken far longer than intended, the talk itself taking no more than ten or fifteen minutes, which, in reality, was a considerable time for lion and snake to converse amicably. The walk to the shack after that had been a blur, and when the others had arrived and took in his look of utter bewilderment, they knew better than to comment on it at that particular time.
For a few moments before the moon, he could feel the wolf below the surface processing the new information. Confused, then excited, and then, just as the moon began to rise and the transformation took over his body, Remus felt a desperation from the wolf to find his mate. He had no recollection of what happened after that, of course, and would have to wait for the others to fill in the blanks. Whatever had happened, he knew he had Prongs to thank for the rainbow of bruises decorating his body at that particular moment.
Casting another glance at the clock hanging on the wall, Remus watched as the seconds ticked by and as another minute passed, then hour, he couldn't help the disappointment from settling in the pit of his stomach from the lack of witch in his arms.
Tired and emotional, he felt his eyes prickle with unshed tears, as he cursed himself for scaring her off. He had known that acknowledging her words as the man would have consequences, but he had thought that, like the other moment they had shared, he could brush them off and under the hypothetical rug. This time he had been mistaken.
He ran his hand over and down his face, pressing a little harder than necessary over his eyes in order to remove the wetness, and turned gently on to his side, wincing at the pressure on one particular bruise. He lay there and closed his eyes in an attempt to allow sleep to overcome him. That didn't seem to be happening, as the obnoxiously loud ticking of the clock reminded him that there was still no witch laying beside him. He screwed his eyes tightly shut and with his remaining energy hid his head under his pillow; it didn't help.
There was suddenly a familiar creak as the hospital wing door swung open. Remus looked up with hopeful eyes, only for the look to be replaced by one of disappointment. "Only us, mate," said Sirius, with a sad smile.
Remus said nothing as he settled himself on his pillow once more and gave a helpless shrug, flinching with pain as he did so.
"Sorry about that," said James, with a nod in the direction of one of the bruises that could be seen scattering Remus' chest.
"I've had worse," he croaked. "How was he?" he asked, the reference unspoken but clear, fearing the worst, as he thought about how Moony was feeling that last fleeting moment before the transformation.
"Not his worst," answered Peter encouragingly, and Remus couldn't help but smile at his friend's honesty.
"No real damage this time. A broken rib, but that's good going, really," replied Remus.
"Yeah, sorry about that," said James from the other side of the bed, his hands buried in his pockets, a sign of his guilt.
"It's fine," comforted Remus.
"Yeah, but still -"
Remus rolled his eyes. "But still, it would have been worse," interrupted Remus.
"He was a little, erm . . . over-excited," said Sirius and Remus's eyes widened in confusion. That certainly hadn't been what he had been feeling from the Wolf before hand.
"Are you sure?" he asked, baffled.
"Well, not at first, he wasn't; he was a right miserable git. Desperately trying to get out as fucking always. But as if... he was a… well a wolf on a mission." That sounded more like it to Remus, when Sirius continued, "and then we threw him Kitten's scarf and well... then it was like a switch went off, and he was bloody excited."
Remus' face paled with horror at the image that instantly flashed through his mind and the way Sirius had emphasised that one particular word. "Ex-ex-excuse me?" he stuttered, "did he . . . " There was a moment of silence and a collection of frowns between his friends.
"Did he what?" asked Peter first.
"You know," said Remus lowering his voice and casting a quick look around the empty room - anywhere but the eyes of his apparently oblivious friends.
There was another moment of confusion, before all three sets of eyes went wide with horror. "Oh good Godric, NO! Absolutely not!" cried out James, his hand gesturing wildly before him.
"Bloody hell, could you imagine?" added Sirius.
"I'd rather not," shuddered Peter.
"At least that's some good news, then," replied Remus. "What did you mean, then?" he asked as he nuzzled back into his bed.
"Just that he was excited like an overgrown puppy, more than anything. Not... not what you thought," replied James, his lip curling in disgust.
"Bouncing off the bloody walls, he was. It was like someone had told a crup that they were going for a walk," added Sirius.
"He was quite nice, really," said Peter. "Well, until he tried to get out again," he continued, pulling a face at the fresh memory.
"That's when Prongs, here, had to step in," Sirius said as he clapped a hand on James' shoulder.
"Well, that's certainly better than I thought would happen," mumbled Remus to no one in particular.
"What do you mean?" asked James.
Remus snaked his hands under his pillow, lifting himself slightly for more comfort and heaved out a heavy sigh. "Wilkes," he began calmly, closing his eyes as the memories from the evening played out once more.
"What about him?" asked Sirius cautiously, and had Remus had his eyes open, he would have seen the concerned look shared between Sirius and James.
"Wilkes and Hermione broke up." Saying it out loud Remus was unable to hold back the soft smile from forming.
"He told you?" that smile soon disappeared, and Remus' eyes shot open.
"What did you say?" he asked Sirius, while pulling himself up to meet his friend's gaze.
"Erm . . ." hesitated Sirius, as he sent both James and Peter a pleading look of help.
"You knew?" asked Remus, through narrowed eyes, as he took in their sheepish expressions. "You knew and you didn't say anything?" he asked again, a slight Moony growl to his voice.
"To be fair, I only found out this morning," said Peter as he eagerly tried to get out of the line of fire.
"Cheers for that, mate," scowled James, and Peter did nothing but shrug his chubby shoulders.
"You knew," snarled Remus again, ignoring the way the noise scratched at his throat.
"Mate," began James calmly, moving over to sit on the end of his bed, "don't get worked up, we've only known a couple of days."
"And, in our defence, we thought it would be best if Moony didn't know. I mean, how were we to know if he would or wouldn't do that thing again?" argued Sirius.
"Thing?" asked Remus, suddenly a lot calmer at his friends flustering.
"You know, when he drives you like one of those muggle things-"
"Car," supplied Sirius.
"That's it car," continued James, "we didn't really think it was wise to... you know... let him know. He's not the most predictable."
Remus took a moment to think over his friends' ramblings and flopped back gracelessly onto his pillow, suddenly exhausted. They were right, he had no real reason to be upset with them. After all he had been avoiding Hermione for the same reason, with regards to Moony.
"You're right," he croaked, now paying the price for his harsh growling. "Sorry, emotions are still a little . . . all over the place. No, you did the right thing," he finished, his hands rubbing down his face.
Once again, for a short while, the only sound he could hear was the frustratingly loud tick of the clock. "She didn't come today, did she?" asked James, bringing Remus out of his moping for a moment.
"Nope," he replied, once more having to shift himself to meet his friends' line of sight.
"If it helps, she looked pretty miserable at breakfast," said Peter, with what he thought was a comforting smile.
"She wasn't there long before Severus dragged her off muttering something about moping witches making him soft," laughed Sirius fondly. So fondly, in fact, that all three gave him a peculiar look.
"Severus?" James asked with a look of pure confusion.
"Er . . I mean Snape."
"We'll come back to you in a minute," continued James with a baffled expression, to which Sirius just looked sheepishly down at his feet.
Ignoring the strange exchange, Remus sighed deeply. "It doesn't, by the way. Help, knowing that," he said.
It really didn't, at all. For whatever reason, she hadn't come. And for whatever reason, she was distressed this morning. He hoped it wasn't something he'd done that had caused it. He would never forgive himself if that were the case.
Dinner as usual, was the typical affair: the four of them sat there at their little section of the table, Mary and Lily having joined them today. Lily, as always, was mothering Remus quietly and encouraging him to eat far more than he was capable of after a transformation. Both James and Sirius sat there pretending they didn't notice the way Remus blushed with embarrassment at the attention he was receiving, and Peter focused solely on his purpose of devouring his dinner as fast as he could. Nearing a record pace, James often wondered how Peter didn't choke himself in the process.
Hermione still hadn't made an appearance that evening. The boys had, of course, seen her during class and it was clear to them that the guilt she was clearly feeling about having not turned up that morning, was eating away at her. It had to have been eating her up, because they had been witness to both her and Snape arguing like an old married couple throughout the day. James would be lying, however, if he said that he hadn't found those moments between the pair highly entertaining. He would also be lying if he denied having caught Remus, on more than one occasion, glancing at the entrance to the Great Hall, hopefully every time someone new entered. And then, when it was the witch Remus had been waiting on, the dopey little smile that crept on to his face was enough to melt even the blackest of hearts. James would have hexed the damn bint if he'd had the time, when she turned just as quickly as she had entered and more or less ran, and he watched his friend's smile drop as fast as it had arrived, and Remus turned his attention back towards Lily's mothering.
The whole short exchange was missed by all but James, and Snape, it seemed, who looked just as aggravated as James himself, when the Snake hopped up with a swirl of robes and marched off after her, determination in his step. James' own annoyance at the way her abrupt reaction had clearly upset his friend pulled at his own need to follow the two of them, so he did. Pecking Lily on the cheek and sharing a look with Sirius that informed him he would fill the Black heir in later on, he left at the same speed both others had, following the sound of their bickering throughout the castle like a beacon of where they were headed.
He followed behind, leaving a corridor between them at all times, in hopes that he wouldn't get caught. Not that it would matter, anyway, after years of sneaking around this castle and getting away with all sorts, he was sure he would be able to talk his way out of anything.
"You are a pain in the backside, a thorn in my side, and a damn well strain to my sanity!" he could heard Snape shouting out, as the pair marched on, in what, James could now tell, was the direction of the library.
"You want to go, then you don't go. You moan about what would happen if you did go, and then you spend the rest of the day moping about the decision you made about not going. For the sake of my mental health, please explain why you chose to do this to yourself?" James cast a quick silencing spell on his footsteps as he picked up pace in order to try and catch more of what Snape was saying, to whom it seemed the man was referring.
Too caught up in trying not to miss what was said next, James almost didn't notice when their steps halted, stopping himself just in time before he would have turned the corner and run straight into the pair.
"Just stop, will you -?" Hermione's voice sounded tired and strained, as though she was fighting a whirl of emotions. "- please," she softly asked, and James could hear the reluctant sigh of Snape agreeing, before the two continued the short remaining journey to the library.
He waited a short while after they had entered before he followed them in, choosing to stay a short distance away, for a while longer yet, as he simply just listened to the two bicker back and forth. Something about Hermione being sure she needed to know.
"It's not even been a full week since I told you to wait, why must you always be so eager? What are you achieving now, truly? Once you know you will only overthink it like every damn thing else!" argued Snape, and James found himself even more curious about what it was they were discussing.
He heard the telltale sound of a book being placed firmly on the table, before the soft sound of pages turning rapidly, then a sudden stop in movement, and a deep sigh from Hermione. James crept closer, standing now just on the edge of the aisle they were down. "I did go."
James frowned down at his feet, what did she say?
"Excuse me?" asked Snape, and James for once found himself feeling quiet grateful towards the greasy git, if only for the chance to have some clarification.
"You said earlier, about me not going to see Remus. About me saying I wasn't going to go. I did go," sighed Hermione and James heard the soft flipping of pages again. "I went and looked through the door, but I didn't go in, as much as I wanted to. I couldn't," the sound of pages stopped again.
"Why?" he heard Snape asking.
There was another frustrated sigh from Hermione. "Because, when I saw him lying there, there was a moment of clarity for me. You were right. Killian was right. Professor Dumbledore was right." Dumbledore? thought James. "I felt it more then than I ever had before, and it terrified me. That was the first time I looked at him with all barriers down, no thoughts of what if? No 'What about when I go home? Is this right? Is this wrong? What about Killian?' It hurt just how much I wanted it, wanted him, and it terrified me."
James waited patiently, hearing nothing exchanged for a while between the two, just the sound of pages flipping once more. James almost worried that somehow they had managed to leave without him seeing. His anger had dissipated towards the witch, and now he found himself even more curious about what it was that was going on in her mind.
"I'm concerned... that when you know what the meaning of that flower around your neck is... it will scare you off," James heard Snape say tentatively.
Oh! Thought James with realisation suddenly dawning on him, he knew Sirius had already told her about one, and he struggled with his own thoughts, as he tried to remember what other bloom lay next to its partner in the necklace Remus had spent hours making. G, it began with G, Gerbera? No. Geranium . . .no that doesn't sound right. What the fecking hell is it . . .
"Gardenia!" he shouted proudly when the name popped to mind, only to curse himself moments later when he heard footsteps creep around the corner and dark obsidian eyes glare back at him.
"Potter," snarled Snape, and for the first time James actually felt something akin to guilt, when he realised what it was he had done, as Hermione popped around the side of the billowing Snake, and pulled him into their aisle.
"What did you say?" she asked him eagerly, her eyes so wide and hopeful that he couldn't help but repeat himself.
"Gardenia. It's a Gardenia," he repeated hesitantly, as he tried his hardest to ignore the burning stare from Snape.
"Gardenia." She repeated as she turned her back to them both and headed for the book she had had sprawled before her.
"You're an idiot, Potter," snarled Snape, "but I guess we always knew that."
"Takes one to know one," James retorted childishly, disappointed with his lack of creativity, and angered by the roll of eyes from the Slytherin.
"Stop it," interrupted Hermione just as Snape went to open his mouth once more, "what does it mean? Will it be in here?" she asked excitedly, gesturing with eager hands to the book before her.
James took a step closer again, ignoring the way Snape was clearly getting more and more agitated with his presence, slightly revelling in the wizard's annoyance. He cast a glance down towards the book and scanned its pages, "No, you won't find it in here. You'll find the flower but not the meaning," he answered.
Hermione's excited expression fell away and James found his mouth moving before he had a chance to stop it. "You're lovely!" he blurted out, in the same eagerness as he had earlier.
"Excuse me?" asked Hermione.
"Nicely done, Potter," added Snape, though his tone now was slightly more amused, rather than irritated.
"No! No! That's not what I mean. Not that you're not lovely, of course, but, that's . . . I'll just shut up now," rambled James, helplessly, as both Hermione and Snape just stood and watched.
They waited in silence whilst he calmed himself down. "The flower. That's what the flower means," he finally got out, once his embarrassment calmed down.
"That's it?" asked Hermione looking a little disappointed. "That's what you wouldn't tell me?" she continued as she turned towards Snape confused.
"Yes, that is why I couldn't tell you, of course, because Salazar forbid anyone pays you a compliment. Can't have all this going to your head now can we?" said Snape dryly as he snatched up the book and placed it back on the shelf where it belonged.
"No! No you don't get to be a prat now!" argued Hermione as she poked a finger into the snakes chest. "Both of you tell me this moment, what the hell aren't you telling me? I have a right to know -"
"What the hell is all the ranting about?" James, Hermione, and Severus all looked up in alarm, as Sirius appeared around the bookshelf. "Shut up or he'll hear you," he hissed gesturing over his shoulder.
James closed his eyes and counted slowly to ten. Sometimes his friend really was an idiot. "Please," he began, his voice low and calm despite the emotions flowing freely under the surface, "please tell me you didn't bring Moony here-"
"It's fine, he's with Wormtail -"
"You're an idiot, such a bloody idiot," groaned James, "get in here now before he damn well sees," he continued, as he grabbed Sirius by his sleeve and pulled him further into their aisle. "Yes, what a good idea, let's bring him to a busy library, when his senses are all shot."
"I didn't bring him here, he wanted to look for some book, and I only came over here because you three were being rather loud for people who are clearly trying to be sneaky-"
"Sirius?" asked Hermione, drawing their attention away from one another and back over towards her, where she was glancing down thoughtfully at the necklace. "Gardenia?" she asked him, looking up to meet Sirius's eye.
"So you figured it out then, Kitten?" he asked with a beaming smile, that James noticed made Snape's lip curl further, like he wanted to swipe it off Sirius' face.
"Hmm," she replied, "it means you're lovely, well that's what James has said," she continued, and as she did James couldn't help but be a little unnerved by the death-like stare Snape was shooting him.
"Don't forget the other one," said Sirius and at the moment James saw an expression on the Slytherin's face that he hadn't seen for a while - murderous.
"Pardon?" Hermione asked.
"The secret love one."
At that moment James was almost certain that all the air had been sucked out of the room as the atmosphere became almost stone cold and Hermione looked as if she were about to gasp for breath as she shared a panicked look with Snape. Ah, thought James in a mixture of both panic and sudden awareness, as the colour slowly drained from the witch's face.
"Did I say something wrong?" asked Sirius when for once he noticed the sudden change in the people around him.
"I think we both did," replied James quietly.
"For once Potter, I think I might agree with you there," snarled Snape.
As much as he wanted to he didn't say anything in return, and nudged Sirius not to also, when the man when to open his mouth. The three of them stood in silence not really sure what they were waiting for from the witch as they watched the cogs tick over in her mind.
Snape was the first to break the deathly silence. "You're thinking rather loudly," he said and Hermione turned to look at him, her face a little less pale than it had been a short moment ago, James thought.
"Am not," Hermione mumbled, and didn't get much further before Snape cut across.
"No! Don't you dare, you've done nothing but waffle back and forth all day, and you're already over thinking every single thing far too much, and now these bumbling band of…." and here, Snape paused to shoot James and Sirius a look that was half derision and half disbelief, "...baboons have come in and done over all of the work to calm you down and I am not going to do the work a fourth time. If you're going to stand here and inform her of the things she's not ready to know yet, then YOU deal with her."
And with that, the Snake stalked off, and James could've sworn that had it been Sirius to make such a declaration, there would have been less stalking and more flouncing on the way out of the library. Godric, they're so dramatic.
James and Sirius turned back to Hermione, as if to check how she was doing. She really did look like she was thinking away, and she kept staring at the locket that was still round her neck. The boys shared a look, trying to decide if this was a positive point for Remus, or if they'd just ruined everything for their friend, when Hermione surprised them and spoke.
"Are you two having a laugh?"
"Sorry?" Sirius asked.
"You're not having a go at me for putting Remus through hell, are you?" She asked, her voice taking on a slight edge.
"Erm…" James hesitated, but Sirius cut across him. "Why the bloody hell would we do that? I mean, yeah, you have put him through the ringer, but you still mean something to him. Even if he can't have you, he's content as long as you're happy. Why we go and deliberately try and muck that up? Completely apart from the fact that if he found we'd intentionally hurt you he'd about take our heads right off our shoulders!"
"He wouldn't do that, you know he wouldn't," Hermione argued back. "I just...you're serious about the flower meanings?"
"I'm always Sirius, love," the Black heir smirked, and James cuffed him round the back of the head. "But yes. I wish I could forget several years of Saturday morning lessons."
"Is that so?" Hermione queried, to which Sirius nodded. "Grand. Because if you actually are that good, I need your help."
James shared another confused look with Sirius, but the two of them followed Hermione further into the stacks, as she began to explain the basis of her plan.
5th December 1977 - 6 Months, 5 days
Now this was getting to be a bit ridiculous. He couldn't seem to find anyone but Peter lately. Honestly, it was like the avoidance of Remus was catching, and as much as Peter was one of his best mates, he was starting to get a little annoyed by having to explain everything to him all the time. At least with James and Sirius, there was someone who at least understood what he was talking about, and he could then move on with whatever hare-brained scheme they'd been planning.
But for the past week or so, he'd not been able to find either of them outside of class. They were always running off to this place and that, and Remus had checked the library, the kitchens, a majority of the passageways, tried to follow their scent with his ever-dulling senses, and anything he could think of, but still hadn't managed to find them. He was about to start checking the rest of the grounds including Hagrid's Hut, down by the lake, the greenhouses and the Whomping Willow next, but he kept getting distracted by Peter asking him to go over homework night after night. He began to suspect that something was up when Pete asked him for help on the same Potions essay when Remus knew they'd finished it night before last.
And worse, Peter was completely useless when it came to discussing the thing he wanted most to bend a friend's ear about: Hermione. She'd still avoided him after the moon had passed, and though Moony's influence became quieter in his mind, the worry that was left behind seemed to magnify. First Hermione began ignoring him, now Sirius and James, who knew what would happen next? He just wished he could get to the bottom of what was keeping his friends and his mate away from him. Was it something he had done? He couldn't remember much of his transformation, had he hurt the boys in some way? He could've sworn they'd looked none the worse for wear when they'd visited him in hospital. Were they not telling him everything that had happened in the shack this month? Why else would they be avoiding him now? How was he going to fix this?
"And we'll need to hit up the greenhouses again at least once more later in the week, based on what Sprout - " Remus heard, right before he turned the corner and barrelled straight into Sirius.
"'Cour-" James caught the brunt of the stumbling mass of limbs that was his two best friends, as they tried to untangle themselves and stand upright once more.
"What...where the hell have you two been all week?" Remus asked, before he could stop himself.
The two paused, and shot each other a look. James had the faintest blush on his cheeks. "We've been...erm….we've been working on some stuff."
"When has stuff ever not included Pete and I?" Remus pushed.
"Well...this is sort of…." James's faint blush got a little darker, and Sirius blurted out, "romantic stuff."
Remus's eyebrows flew towards his hairline. "Oh. Erm. I, uh….I didn't…..I mean, I knew Sirius…..you know what, never mind. I'm happy then. Just a bit confused, I suppose. What about Lily?"
"What about Evans?" James asked, looking a little confused.
"I just thought…. Erm….never mind." Remus dropped off again.
"Remus, mate, what are you going on about?" Sirius asked, trying to look his mate dead in the eye. Remus, however, was busy checking out the laces on his shoes, and didn't look up. Why did he always manage to make things awkward? Did he make them feel like they couldn't tell him? It's not like he'd turn them away, especially not since they didn't care he was a werewolf.
"I didn't realise you two were an item, but I'm happy for you." He mumbled out quickly, squaring his shoulders as he went.
"What?!" James shouted, and Sirius devolved into giggles.
"Padfoot, don't be a prat," James shot over his shoulder.
"Didya see?...the look…..on his face…."
"I'm confused, then. What's going on?" Remus asked once again.
"Nevermind, Moony, pal. Sirius is being a dick and I've not got the energy to explain it all tonight."
"What's in the greenhouses? You're not planning to douse Snape with Stinksap again, are you?"
"Nah, he's taken to making his clothes imperturbable." James remarked.
"Besides, it's not funny after the fifth time," Sirius commented casually, now that he'd managed to get his breathing back under control.
"Well am I going to have to make excuses or clean up after the two of you at all?" Remus inquired, his brain momentarily kicking into Prefect mode.
"Not at all, Moony, my dear fellow," James said as he clapped a hand across Remus's shoulders. "I think this one will manage to take care of itself."
"Just give me a heads-up, yeah? That way Pete and I can have a decent alibi in place. I always have the most ominous feeling when you two do stuff like this. It's like you're specifically working in a way that'll give me plausible deniability, and that never bodes well."
"Come off it, mate, you'll be fine. This one won't get any of us into trouble, promise."
"It better not," Remus grumbled as he was led away. But he'd learned never to trust those nearly angelic matching smiles. Those boys were up to something, no doubt about that. He just hoped they didn't all end up in detention for this whatever they had in the works.
7th December 1977 - 6 Months, 3 days
"I'm doing this, I'm really doing this."
"So you keep saying."
"I feel sick."
"You haven't done anything yet," replied Severus never looking up from his book as the two sat back in the room of requirements as they had done near every evening since that fateful day with two of the four marauders.
Hermione continued her pacing of the room, nervous energy radiating off her as she did so. There was no denying it, that when she had first heard those harmless words tactlessly roll off Sirius' tongue her heart had stopped and leapt right into her throat. Secret love, it seemed like a rather large declaration to make through flowers, and considering how little he had known her at the time of her birthday, it was rather a large message to send to someone. But the more she thought about it, and the more she came to terms with just how bizarre the whole ordeal had been so far, how adamant a few people she had discussed the subject of love with were when it came to her reason for being sent here, the less crazy the whole thing had seemed. So much flew through her thoughts in those short moments, so many reasons for her to run, so many reasons for her to ignore the fact that Remus' feelings were far stronger than she had ever thought.
Had she not known the man before, there would have been no reason for her to believe any of this, but she did know him, and she knew that he never said anything without truly meaning it. So when her mind had stopped overthinking, had stopped trying to panic and shut down the idea entirely, she realised that she wasn't terrified by that fact, her heart started to beat again, that this time is was beating with excitement and eagerness to find the man and run to him, to stop being ridiculous as Severus had said so many times and embrace the man that honestly meant more to her then she had let herself believe. Love, not quite. But she could, she really could love him.
"How many more days do I have left before we can put your nervous energy to good use?" asked Severus drawing Hermione out of her inner thoughts.
"Five."
"Dear Salazar help me."
"Hush you."
The room returned to its comfortable silence as Hermione returned to her ceaseless pacing of the room, Severus trying his hardest to ignore the way her bubbling nervous energy grated on him to no end and Hermione herself trying as hard as she could to curb it, but all to no avail.
The two friends, though spending time together currently had barely spoken more than a handful of words to one another over the passing days, and as much as Hermione wished to just tell the wizard to say whatever it was he was keeping locked up, she refused to be the first to break on the matter. She didn't care how long it was going to take for the them both to address the rift between them, she was categorically not going to be the one who broke first, no matter how much it was driving her crazy.
"Do you always argue with yourself?" drawled Severus, his eyes still never rising to meet hers.
"I'm not," she childishly retorted at which Severus did lift his gaze and raising an eyebrow at her, gave her a look which read as 'of course'.
"I must say that what the three of you are planning, doesn't give me great hope if it is sending you into madness," he said before turning his attention back down towards the book he had been reading, "Should I be concerned? Or would you rather just discuss it with your fellow lions?" he may have been playing the part of unconcerned and unbothered but that one sentence said all she needed to know and was just the opening she had been waiting for.
"No concern necessary, but maybe you're right, maybe I should go and speak with them." The way Severus hands grasped at his book a little tighter didn't go unnoticed, the whitening of his knuckles standing out against the dark cover of the book.
"Perhaps you should," he gritted out, not even trying to place the usual mask of indifference in place "after all, it seems that you clearly find yourself unable to discuss the subject with myself."
Hermione let out a cry of celebration, startling the Snake in the process, "I knew it! I knew you were brooding."
"I do not brood," he sneered.
"Of course you don't, and I am not an insufferable know-it-all," she retorted gleefully.
"You shouldn't lie, were you never told the tale of Pinocchio?"
"And you shouldn't try to act as indifferent as you are. What is wrong? We've barely said more than a handful of words to each other since the other day and as much as it irritates me to say so, I don't like it. I miss our bickering, and your miserable normal self."
"What the matter is," he snapped, "is your incessant waffling. Can a man not sit in piece and read anymore?"
"I swear, you Snakes are so difficult. You moan about us Gryffindor's being bold and brassy, wearing our heart on ourselves and all that, but you guys? You sit there and simmer on something before you finally snap. At least with us you know where you stand," she argued though it didn't seem to do much good as she noticed the wizards nostrils flare in annoyance.
"Well, then perhaps you should go and enjoy the company of your own some more rather than wasting it here with the difficult ones," Hermione groaned loudly in frustration startling Severus somewhat.
She reached out and snatched the book from his hands, throwing it down on the table with a thump. "I know something is bothering you, I also know that it is something to do with James and Sirius for whatever reason, but what I don't know is why you are choosing to be such a git and sulk and huff about Merlin knows what, instead of just telling me the issue? I swear you are the most complicated man I have ever met!" Severus didn't say anything, which only infuriated her more as he reached over to pick up his stolen book. The moment his hand reached out to clasp around it Hermione batted his hand away making him pull his back in shock and the book fall back to the table.
He scowled at her. "Did you just strike me?" he growled and Hermione scowled back.
"Yes, and I'll do it again if I have to. Now tell me what you've got a bee in your bonnet about."
Nothing was said, both just watched one another with hostility filling the air around them Hermione's knuckles turning white from the pressure of the fists her hands were curled into and Severus' jaw so tightly closed the sounds of his teeth grinding one another was loud in the silent room.
"Tell me what the matter is now, or I shall storm out of this room and leave you to sulk on your own," growled Hermione.
Severus narrowed his eyes, "No."
"Fine. If that's the way you want to be," said Hermione aggravated. However when she stood up to make her way out, she was halted for a moment when Severus' long fingers clasped around her wrist.
"Sit down, you ridiculous woman," he snarled, before going quiet and not quite meeting her eye. "I was wrong," he mumbled and for a moment Hermione wasn't quite sure that she had heard him right.
"Pardon? What on earth are you on about?" she asked bewildered.
"I was wrong - about how you would react."
"React about what?" she replied and Severus scowled at her. She sat there raking through her memories of the last few days before she found what she was looking for, "about Remus?" she asked delicately and Severus grunted in affirmation.
"So all this sulking about like a drama queen, is because you weren't right about how I would take the news?" she asked him slowly and carefully.
"I am not a drama queen," he snapped.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Of course you aren't, you're just ridiculous," Severus bristled at her remark and Hermione was unable to stop the fond smile from sneaking on to her mouth.
"I just don't understand, and I do not like not understanding something. You had been so adamant about not being with him, and then bloody Black and Potter," he spat out their names, though Sirius' had a little less bite than usual, "walk on in, tell you that Lupin has been in love with you since day dot and you just accept it. And start this rather disgustingly romantic gesture," he finished with a flourish of his hand into the air.
Hermione couldn't help but smile at the flustered man sitting next to her. "You were right," she began, in a conspiratorial whisper, and Severus' attention snapped right to her, "when I first heard the news, I was panicking. Inside, I was really panicking. But then, for some reason or another something reassured me that it was ok, and the panic just ebbed away and I realised that actually, this wasn't quite such a terrible thing," she sighed deeply and pushed her hair up and off of her face.
"Do I think it's a good idea? Not really, but then, that's never really stopped me or my friends before and there's something else that I can't explain." She paused for a moment, as if pondering how best to phrase what she needed to say, "Something in the back of my mind just sat up and whispered 'Don't let him go,' and so here I am." Severus didn't say anything for a moment, just looked at her. As if he were trying to figure out how her mind worked, as if he were trying to decipher some old and complicated ancient ruin, as if trying to read the sincerity in her voice and face, before he seemed satisfied with whatever it was he had pieced together and gave her a single nod.
"Ok," he finally agreed, and turned to reach out for his stolen book whilst Hermione looked at him completely bewildered.
"Ok?" she asked.
"Yes, ok. I forgive you." he added as he gathered his book and flicked it open searching for the page he had last been on.
"You forgive me?" she asked with a laugh and shook her head at his ridiculousness baffled by the whole ordeal.
10th December 1977 - 6 Months
"Sorry Moony, but you look pathetic."
"I'm well aware of what I look like, thank you Pads."
"You going to stay like that all day?"
"Yes Pete I am."
"What happens when we need to go to Quidditch practice?"
"Use the window Prongs."
"As interesting it would be to see Minnie's reaction to that, I don't think we can afford any more detentions this term."
"Well you should have thought about that before you set off those dungbombs the other day then," retorted Remus, though never moving his position where he currently resided with his forehead pressed up against the door of their dorm.
"These things sometimes just have to be done," answered James.
"Had to take one for the team," added Sirius.
"What team? The team that only has two in it currently because the other half seem to never be around?" mumbled Remus towards the cool wood, not particularly caring how who he might offend.
It had been two weeks now of Hermione avoiding him with the skills of a chameleon ghoul. He didn't think he had upset her quite as much as he obviously had with their last encounter, she hadn't had this reaction towards him before. Then again, he hadn't hinted how he had felt those previous times before, he'd obviously scared her away with his admission. So now we was resorting to standing against their dorm door, head pressed firmly against it in what could only be described as desperation as he fought to listen for her leaving or entering her room. He would have had his ear pressed flush up against the door if it wouldn't make him look even more desperate than he was.
"We already explained," he heard James say somewhere in the background, but at that same time he was sure that he heard the door behind the tapestry opposite creep open and with a flurry of quick movements he opened the door so quickly there was every chance he could have ripped if off its hinges.
"Oh," the sad sounding word left his mouth when he caught sight of Snape, rather than the witch he had been hoping for. "Where's-"
"I am not her keeper," Snape answered abruptly, before closing the door behind him and walking swiftly down the corridor and disappearing down the stairs.
"I- " began Remus and then stopped with a sigh when he realised it was useless, closing the door behind him and walking his way back over to his bed and sitting with an air of defeat. "I just want to say I'm sorry," he said to no one in particular.
"Moony," said James sympathetically, whilst sharing a look with Sirius that went unnoticed by Remus himself.
"This is near torture," he began, his tone helpless, "she won't look at me, she won't talk to me, I have to sit next to her in Transfig, as well as a couple of others, and I just . . . do you have any idea how much it fucking hurts?" he asked them bringing his eyes up to meet there's, only to see looks of pity staring back. He closed his eyes tightly willing the stinging he could feel away. He would not break, not now, not in front of everyone.
"Remus," began Sirius gently.
"Don't, just –" replied Remus dismally.
There was a moment of silence between the four of them, whilst they allowed Remus to regain his composure without drawing attention to his vulnerable state, something the wizard himself greatly appreciated.
"How's Moony been?" asked Peter, breaking the silence of the room.
"Quiet," muttered Remus, "he's been quiet."
"Isn't that a good thing?" queried Peter with a frown.
"I don't know," answered Remus honestly, "I can barely feel him. I mean I know he's quiet around this time, but he's always there, always lingering, I've just gotten used to ignoring his presence around now but at the moment he's barely there."
"What about when you're near Hermione?" asked James a frown now marring his features.
"There's a feeling of contentment from him, sort of like a purring equivalent sound in the back somewhere, but that's it. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't know he was there," Remus ran his hand through his hair, tugging slightly at it with frustration. "I mean, I don't know if this is a good thing or not, it's like he knows something I don't, and that doesn't make me comfortable at all."
"Maybe it's just as simple as knowing that there's no one else in the way now?" suggested Sirius with a shrug.
"Do you really think it's that simple?" asked Remus.
"Who knows? But right now, it's probably for the best that he's being the way he is. I wouldn't worry about it," said Sirius, as he shared yet another glance with James that went unnoticed by Remus himself. "Look, Moony, try not to worry about it ok, it's just, well I don't think things are as bad you think they are. I just have feeling about this."
"You inherited your mother's batty seer-like qualities then?" asked James with a smile and drawing out a snort of laughter from Remus despite his reluctance.
"Dick," retorted Sirius, smirking. "Look we're going to be late for practice," he continued as he walked over towards the door grabbing his robe and tossing James his in the process. "You going to be ok?" he asked Remus as he opened the door.
"Yeah."
"Wormtail, keep an eye on him," asked Sirius just before he and James disappeared through the door.
Once the door had clicked firmly behind them and they had made their way through the common room and out into the main corridors of the castle, James turned to Sirius, "You know something, don't you?" he asked, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. "You know why Moony is being so quiet, don't you?"
Sirius gave a short nod. "They share a link," he began, "remember on the train when Moony said that she would feel it, the pull of being his mate?"
"Vaguely," replied James.
"Well in order for that to happen, they need to share a link, which they do. It's just not formed yet –"
"You've been reading haven't you?" asked James with a smile at the thought of Sirius voluntarily researching and looking for information.
"Shut it," said Sirius with a laugh, "maybe I had a little look. Anyway their link isn't formed completely, it's just sort of there like, like a blueprint. It won't actually link them together until . . . you know." James pulled a face which clearly suggested that he didn't know.
"Care to elaborate, just a smidge?" he asked.
Sirius groaned in annoyance, "Please don't make me say it, I don't want to say it."
"Well, now I really want to know," said James with a smile, clearly enjoying Sirius' rare discomfort.
"You're a knob, you know that?" he said with a scowl, and then sighed before answering, "He has to claim her."
Intrigued James asked "And how does a wolf claim their mate?"
"They bite them –" James gleeful expression changed swiftly to one of horror, "during sex and then the bond is formed, cemented into place."
Silence fell over them as the continued their way down towards the quidditch pitch both knowing what the other was thinking, James was the first to voice his thoughts. "He won't do it."
"Bite her?"
"Yeah."
"I know. He couldn't anyway. Not unless she tells him he can, not unless she submits herself to him completely."
"Even then, if she did, she'd have to spend a damn long time trying to convince him that it's what she wants. Will she –"
"No," answered Sirius without hesitation. "It's just seals the connection between mates. It means he'll be able to feel what she's feeling and vice versa, know when one another is in trouble and all that jazz."
"And the link now?" asked James inquisitively.
"Draws them to one another. I think," he began, "when Hermione accepted the fact that our dear Moony is in love with her, that information made itself known to Moony, let him know that she accepts him, which is why the damn git has been so well behaved."
"I do know how to pick them," said James with a shake of his head.
"Huh?"
"My friends, I do know how to pick them. Not a normal one amongst you all."