EA:
WHY THEY RUIN GAMES:
STORY TIME BY FOLLIEOF "DA BADEST MOFO EVA" MADNESS
SEQUAEL
(Now with 20 per cent more Acid!)

AN: 'Sup, Bitches? Nah I'm just kiddin'. Y'all are just my slaves. There's a difference.

This story here is what made Morgan kill himself now, so I'd appreciate it if you read it to. Just in case, a loaded fire-arm will be dispensed from the nearest Mailslot after the conclusion of this story.

With that said and done, read on my loyal subjects. Read, on...

Done Whilst Listening To:

Caramelldansen by Caramel

Best Friends (Maxi Version) by Toy-Box

Wone Dhilst HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII On:

Many things, namely:

Meth injected through Eye

Crack injected through Ass Cheeks

Cocaine injected through Skull

Refrain injected through Foot

Psycho injected through Right Testicle

Jet injected through Left Testicle

And last but not least:

Life injected through Forehead

Deep within the confines of the HQ of Evil Arts (EA to you and me) they are secretly scheming a scheme to end all scheme except not because despite the title they aren't actually that evil. But that's what they want you to think! They go around dipping children in molten chocolate and stealing old lady's handbags in an attempt to make you think that they are good! Nay, in truth, they actually do the unthinkable! The unconquerable! The unstoppable! The metaphysically incredulously arithmetically god-like-ness! They actually…HELP OUT AT HOMELESS SHELTERS AND TAKE CARE OF ORPHANS! Yes, EA truly are that inebriated. (AN: And so you know I am sobr)

Anyway with that randomness out of the way John Riccitiello was doing typical good guy stuff (He was setting an orphan on fire and whipping him and laughing 'cus he's a good guy) and his underling Peter Moore was shooting the wall with AK447 (It's lime more advanced because it has computer parts strapped to it hence the 4) because it was looking at him funny and might leak information and after sleeping with Sarah Palin so many times he couldn't even remember which by the way was Peter Moore he realised despite his damage brain that by the way is damaged that you shouldn't sleep with Sarah Palin whilst ramming your face into a belt sander, since he no longer had a face.

Blake Jorgensen was burning money with more burning money and that money was on fire from more burning money in the first place so that isn't illogical and because physics are weird and heat can like happen because of flames. And he was on fire like literally because he was smoking burning money and money that burns burns you again because physics suck. His face was rapped in bandages because of flames and flames are fire and fire bad. (AN: HAHA GEDDIT DRACULA SAID THAT) Blake was such a badass that he didn't care as his body was burning and smouldering because he was on aspirin and that helps with burns. Besides he had Health kits anyway. But then he saw sign outside and saw that no health packs in real life and that caused him to start screaming in agony because it hurt because fire does that to you. And then he was incinerated and then revived at the nearest checkpoint because wasn't stupid enough to not put Iron on. But it cost money and he was sad because then Hyperion told him to LIVVVVVVVE and that totally wasn't a Code Geass reference. (AN: If you don't knew that is then make tree and lke leave)

Rajat was licking Curry and eating it at the same time since he is Indian and stuff and the curry was tasting good and Curry sighed in moaning and fell off his chair from over-stimulation since the Curry was an Ardat-Yakshi. Anyway he got up because Frank Gibeau revived him and threwn into water and it was revealed that Rajat was actually A ROBOTIC ENDERMEN and also a fire-type since he took like a gazillion times more damage than normal and died. And Gibaeu levelled up and challenged Red to a duel and won because he cheated by cutting off Red's Pikachu. (AN: Yeah, his prized 'Pikachu' got cut right the f*ck off) Red fell threw the floor loudly silently screaming as he faded away from existence for reasons that were plot. Gibeau stole his seat and sat on it because that's what Bar stools are for and contrarararary to pupolar believe you don't drink beer from them. Patrick wwas doing Patrick stuff in the corner because he was crying because Rajat was his mother and he loved her but not like in a necrophilia way sicko's.

Andrew Wilson was beathing his wife in the doorway because she wasn't alive and then he took out an AK447 and shot all over the walls and people and people were like shouting and then the gun ran out of bullets and he through it threw the windaw. But then things happened and not stuff that Andrew liked. He saw…JOHN RICCITIELLO AND HIS CHAIR WERE BEING SAT ON BY HIMSELF. John shout "ENOUG! WE NEED TO MAKE MOAR GOOD PLANZ!"

"YEAH!" Agreed the Indian guy thing. "TOTALLY!" Shout a person. The room was unanimous in its decision to be good and kill children. When suddenly…

BILL GATES CRASHED THREW THE WINDOW WITH AN AK447 THAT HAD COMPUTER PARTS STRAPPED TO IT AND SARAH PALIN (She actually wasn't a spy after all. But she sure knows how to make a man talk. Or shout even. Smiley face - Bill) WAS ATTACKED TO HOOK FROM BILLS FACE AND BILL WAS TALKING ALL CAPS BECAUSE HIS CAPS LOCK KEY WAS BROKEN SINCE HE WAS ACTUALLY A machine. "WHY THE HELL ARE OU DOING YOU MOTHERUCKERS!"

"Nothing evil." John Riccitiello said menacingly, making his evil intentions.

"Yeah, just gonna whip us some kids!" Said Indian guy in Texas accent.

The board room was shouting and the sun was shining and the plants were singing and Bill Gates felt merciful and remembered his past because of steaks at time.

MEANWHILE IN THE PAST SOMETIME AGO

IT WAS EARLIER THAT DAY THAT BILL GATES WAS CONTRACTED BY BARACK OBAMA TO ASSINITE AND MURDER ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE BOARD, and Bill Gates agreed because EA was a mijor competitor when it came to global damnation.

Anyway Bills Gates was leaving when he saw Sarah Palin screawing a belt sander sicne it had someones face on it and due to her high intelligence she thought it was a person. He talked ot her and they had threesome with sander whom Sarah said was tooo rough and had guns so that Nill could kill president. Then Srah Palin revelead mask and tok of it and reavelead that she was aactually ABRAHAM LINCOL and that she wanted to help Bill Gates kill John and his bord friends since they wronged him back when he was alkive (AN: In this he is 18 so no Bill isn't a paedophile) and because he liked killing white guys since he was ricast and black. (AN: Don't tell me he isn't he's wearing a mask and YOU KNOW IT) but despite this weirdness Bill Gates and Abraham Licnolc rode out int the sun-set together on a jetski across the Sahara deserts since Barack Obama was actually…HA YOU'LL HAVE OT FIND OUT WHY LATER

MEANWHILE IN THE PRESENT JUST NOW LIKE LITERALLY NOW AS YOU ARE READING THIS BUT WHY ARE YOU READING THIS MAKES MORE SENSE THAN MILK IN A CUP SINCE CUPS HATE MILK WHO PUTS MILK IN CUPS ANYWAY MILKS HATES BAGS

Bill Gates remembered the lost of virility like it was yesterday because it was and that he had spent a lot of time asking locals for directions to Newy Ork sin according to google it din't exist here in south amaerica. He flew using Sarah Palins thrusters (AN: What else could be in those breasts? Flesh? HA! There are jet thrusters in here and you know it!) across the pacific andintro heaven because only person had a clue where new Yok was. Bill's old friend Michael jackosn was doing the Thriller in the grand hall of heaven and Bill Gates wiat because it was exclusive to children. (AN: Too soon?) But hten bill ghad idea and said to God 'cz he wanted an autograph from Michael Jackson tuo "GOD GIVE ME YOUTH" and god was like "IN ORDER TO TURN BACK INTO THE AGE OF EIGHT, YOU MUST ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS 2"

"AND BILL WAS LIKE OKAY" because he is all pawerful and stuff since jesus helped him with recreating the universe and that intomactally makes him cool. Power can only be defeated by more power. That is the one constant in the universe. That's what Bill said to Albert Wekser on his 12th birthgay since he is father of man. And from what Bill lst hard Albert was practically on fire and he assumed that stuff was good because its not like he could have gotgen kill ed or anything like lol right/ but that's just what Bill gates thinks and is not true because it isn't what he thinks.

Anyway things happened like this:

Ol' Peter moore was stompin' around,

EA board room like a big greyhound,

When suddeny Bill gates burst from the window,

And hit Peter with a tub of bat Guanno,

Peter got pissed began to attract,

But didn't exhect to be blockd by Blak,

And proceeded up a can of Blake glue,

When JESUS CHRIST jumped ut of the blue,

And he started beating up Shaquille O' Neil

But both god hit by the John-Mobile,

But before he could make it back to the Jon-cave

MICHAEL JACKSON came moonwalking away,

And took an CAT out from under his AK447 (AN: It shoots both the word MEOW and furballs the size of bus'),

And blew John away with MEOWMEOWMEOWTATATAT,

But he ran out of bullets and he moonwaked away,

'Cuz Master Chief came to save the kitten.

THIS WAS THE ULTIMAT SHOWDOWN,

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT DESTINY,

THIS WAS THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN,

SOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH DOWN-ESTINY,

Good guys more so and explosions!

AS FAR AS THE HSORT RENDER DISTANCE IN MINECRAFT,

AND ONLY ONE HAS SURVIED,

I WONDER WHO IT HAS BEEN (AN: *SPOILER* It's jesus)

THIS WA THE ULTIMAT SHOWDOWN,

OF UTImATE DESTINY

Peter took a bite out of master Chief,

Like a fat guy who was really hungry,

And Blake can back covered in a tire hack,

When Dr. Hax glided onto his back,

And Bill Gates was injured, and in searc of light eco, (AN: With light eco you heal yourself.)

When Michael Jackson shot up the glee club, (AN: SERVES THM RIGHT FOR RUINING ME SNGS! – Michael Jackson's words, not man)

But suddenly something caught his face he flipped,

Rajat took him out with his kick.

And he saw John Riccitiello sneakning up from behind,

And he reached for his curry which he just couldn't find,

Cuz Bill Gates tole it and he shot and hi missed,

And Dr/ Hax reflected it with his hips,

And he fjumped in the air and he did a somuer sault,

Wile Michael Jackson ried to cast a vote,

But they collided at the booth,

And they both got hit by the lasso of truth.

This was the ul,timate showdown of ultimate destirny

(AN: I think) Good guys Ea board members nd Micagael jackosn as far the eye can seen

And only Jesus sruribed, I wonder hwo it hs been

TThis was sort of the ultimate showdown of ultimate shodetiyn

Men sang out, in an immaculate schorus

And down from the heavans descended Chukc norsis,

Whm dlivede a kick that could shatter bowls,

Into the crothco, of the Rajat Taneja,

Whom fell over on the ground, writhing in pain

As Bill gates cam bak into the game,

But Hucks say through is clotever eyes,

And crushed his own head between his thights,

And then Sonc the hedgehong anc knuckles th hedgehong,

And Kanye west with his awesome raping beat,

A chrnoci masterbator beating his meat, and a shoe

And Pikachu and his trainer ash

Hulk wnet smash, Bruce Baner,

A 4-chaner, and Lil' wayna

Willy wonkam, something

Every single congress member,

John F. Kennedy, and Mitt Romney

A soch, a rochnj, a c*** and a block –

All came out of nwohep0s lightinginin fast,

And they kciek chcukmn oriis in his corpses ass,

It gthe most en sided Battle htat people abgeverfed saw.

Wijgjk Gehower Bushb look nhng on I n total l aawe,

The v9ght raged on for a cetnruty ish

Man lives wre clamied btu evenatuALLY]

THE CHAMPION STOOD THE WRWSH SAW THEIR BETTERE

MR. ROGERSDSC IN BALOODSTAIENDI ASSWEATER

THIS IN KT AGTHE ULTumte gaowqdhqn Of ultaimte dezitbyn,

Good guags and bug guay0gw ajcaidn aexpoolloskisp as farhtg atas taeehv aeyes coyudl sese

And onohlap;sjdcs ln eon wihhbap lll suribek I wondedirfhaofhow hwp asopi been

This isn tghel aut;atiemad hsowdowbn

(Of desitn aityok)

His isa the ultaiten hxowdxnwo

(Of ultaikneihja destitny9)

Thisj isn the ullmagie0ik showdnw

(Of tumatnja0e ddestiny)

Of ULAG TNEOAONIOKWNIKGN LOGN AKN GKW NDESTINY AND EJSJUS

But god was asking a quesitosn AND BILL ENEDED ATO ASNWER I t begfore god became angery since he lived to anger.

Bill gatea asked Godd "What is they name?' and god said "I Haveth no NAEM" AND BILL GATSES SIAD THAT WAS THE NAEAORRECT ANSWER AND DEACITVAGTE HIDSD HOLORAM SELF THATHE LAEFT BEHIDN FOR HIS BLACK DETECTIVE FREIDND TO FIGUJRE OUT TO CLJUE TO PREVENT AND ROBTO APOCLALPYPSE.

And then Bill asked an other question and Bill was like "What is the point of seixstenc?" and God was like "12" and bill gates nod and smile an laugh and grin smirk and then svilly as he ripped of his head to revwla that he was acutalll JOHN RICCITIELLO impersonating Bill because Bill Gates dnever existed but njohn Ricitiello never loved him anyway. And god was ,ike "OH MY ME YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD YPU TRICKED ME INTO OPENING THE OMEGA MASS RELAY VIA LAETTING MAICHALE JACKSON OPEN HIS THEATER DOORS AT THE PLACE THAT IHE IS AT WIHCIH INVOLVES CHIDLREN" AND JOHN RICCIETIELLO WAS LIKE "FUCK YEAH NOW MY OMVERLORDS THE REPAERS CAN DESTROY HER GLAXY.

BUT DESCENDING FROM HEAVEN TO HEAVEN WHAT COMMANDER NORRIS AND HIS CREW OF ACTUALLY COOL CHARACTERS AND MIRANDA BUT NO ONE CARES ABOUT MIARNAD BUT SHOTS HAWT AND ALSO CURRENTLY DEAD BECAUSE COMMANDER NORRIS ACCIDENTLY BLW HER MIND WHEN SCREWING HER (He's Commander Chuck Norris Shepard. Shep happens.) SICNE THAT'S ALL THAT SHE SGOOD FOR AND STUFF BESICE OTHRE THINGS THAT FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN THEY WERE NOT BE ADOPETED AND OR CFARED FOR.

Anyway john Riccitiello and Commander Chuck Norris Shepard engaged into a battle of awesomeness in which Norris was shouting and John Riccitiello was whispering whilst shouting and whispering whilst Commander Chuck Norris Shepard engaged into a battle of awesomeness in which Norris was shouting and John Riccitiello was whispering whilst shouting and whispering whilst Commander Chuck Norris Shepard was Chuck Norrising the Reapers with dual M60's Rambo Norris style since he's actually his grandfather's son twice divorced cousin.

But John Riccitiello was winning this battle of mashing B button and all of a sudden Solid Snake got a tingling sensation in his pants. He just got a hard on from watching two grown men fight and he was like "BRO AM I TRIPPING OR WAT" but then helped Chuck Norris win when he didn't need because he's Chuck Norris. John Riccitiello stood up on top of the wreckage of Harbinger and said "RUN YOU FOOLS" because John Riccitiello was actually a good guy and then Solid Snake was like wut and Chuck Norris was smiling in a evilly wise way and shout "I SHALL NOW GET REVENGE FOR MY FATHER AND BROTHERS" as he removed his head to reveal that he was EZIO AUDITORE DA FIRENZE. "OH NO I KNEW IT IT WAS YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKER WHO KILLED MY MOTHER" Shout Bill Gates as he parasailed into Ezio and Ezio fell down needing a revive with his pistol drawn. He was shooting at Altair wanting him to revive him but all his ancestor did was teabag him as he died but then last second rezed him and Ezio scream into mic like twelve year old boy probably because he was "YOU FUCKING FUCKER OF FUCKING ASSHOLES I FUCKING NEARLY FUCKING DIED FUCKING YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL" and Altair was laughing and the pants were singing literally because both of them were high on Acid.

But then the next wave was inbound and Altair ninja flipped and landed on a Tauntaun and rode it to a place which had people in it and Bill Gates followed on a pterodactyl which had Jet Engines and computer parts and GUNZ strapped to it make it more arrowdinamyc. Chuck Norris stared down Solid Snake and said "YPOU SHALL NTO PASS" and Snaek was like "I MA SLICE THE FUKC OUTTA YOU BITCH" abd pulled out a SOCOM and cut Chuck Norris in half. But then Chuck Norris got up and stareted laughing in a really Alucard way because he was him! The original Vampire shouted "IMMA FIRIN' MY BLAHHHH!" and host a laser beam out of his eyes and destroyed the cabbage man's stand. "MY CABBAGES" you no get points ofr guessing who said dat.

And then Cabbage man was like "SUPA POWAS ACTIVATE" and became a super saiyan. Elsewhere, that fat guy who eats light (Keep him AWAY from Death Note!) was starving to Megadeth.

Super Saiyan Cabbage man shot out a gazillion lazers and made Chuck Norris do the matreix and an ACNI PAI began for the crown.

MEAHWILE

UNDERNEATH THE BUILDUING OF EAVIL ARTS

A man in black and dressed in dark black with black everything whilst black was blacking a blackl wand blacking blcakc black.

The black was like "WE SHALL DESTROY THEM ALL" and the other black was like "U DON'T SAYY?" AND HEN HE WAS LIKE CHICKENS AND SAYINGS "I will continue my campaign against the HUMANS" AND THINGS WENT BLACK BUT NOT IN A RACIST WAY.

END OF ONE AND THE PTHERS WILL BEGON SHORTLY

AN: AND ALL THEM MORTALS WERE LIKE "ERMEHGERD THIS STORY IS THE BEST EVAR" BECAUE FOR ONCE THEY ARE TRUE AND I Am speaking in all caps for some reason, the hell...?

Whatev's.

As you can probably tell, I'm back to normal now. Well, as normal as a man who constantly and consistently says the wrong things to people and lacks a shiz-ton of social skills and sits in a corner typing the shit you digest with your eyes (My story). Don't think about that mental image. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! DON'T. THINK. ABOUT. IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

Ahem

I'm more than likely going to regret ever writing this thing. I know I already am. Meh.

For your entertainment people, for your entertainment.

Ciao for now, and I'll see you, next time~~~.