CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

I glanced at my watch, the third time I'd done so in five minutes. Scowling, I sighed and rose to deposit my tea cup and saucer in the sink. The sky outside was a watery gray, managing to be gloomy and dark without actually raining. It had been unusually quiet for a Sunday afternoon. Normally, I averaged two or three medical calls from some housewife or other with a feverish child or an elderly pensioner who had taken a tumble. Of course, now that I was looking for something to occupy my mind, the whole of Portwenn was suddenly completely healthy.

Anna had just sent me a brief text saying she had arrived at Heathrow from the train station and was making her way to her flight gate. In a few hours she would be somewhere over the Atlantic ocean, flying further and further away from me. I already felt out of sorts and irritable without her, and it was even worse knowing I still had six and a half more days to somehow muddle through.

My mobile rang from the corner of the table, and I grabbed for it. 'Ellingham,' I snapped.

'Doc? This is Nick Spargo. It's, uh, it's Carol…' the man said, his voice thick with emotion. 'She's been sleeping all afternoon and now…I'm having trouble waking her. I think…maybe you should come.'

'I'm on my way,' I told him, picking up my medical bag on the way out the door.

Nick Spargo and his wife Carol had moved to Portwenn around the same time I had taken the position as GP. He had been the owner of a very successful limousine company in London for twenty years, and selling it had afforded him the opportunity to retire early, at the age of 53. Carol was a professional photographer who specialized in weddings and family portraits. Both seemed to be considerably intelligent and minded their own business, which was a refreshing change from most of the locals I encountered from day to day. Nick was one of the rare types of people who could hold a friendly, casual conversation without being overly enthusiastic or intrusive, and I appreciated that trait.

My house calls to the Spargos had become quite frequent as of late, so it wasn't much of a surprise to hear Nick on the line. Carol had been diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer at the beginning of the year and had been fighting hard ever since; she had gone through two rounds of chemotherapy and radiation which put the cancer into remission for nearly two months. Unfortunately, during a routine check-up in October, they found a tumor in her brain and determined that it was both extremely aggressive and inoperable. Since then, the local hospice organization and I had been working together to honor her wish to stay out of hospital if at all possible; she was adamant about dying at home, in her own surroundings. I couldn't fault her for her decision.

I arrived on the doorstep of the Spargo's cottage and rang the bell, and a few seconds later, Nick opened the door to me. He gave me a half-hearted smile, but I recognized his fatigue in the shadows under his eyes and the stoop of his shoulders. 'I appreciate you coming, Doc,' he told me, ushering me inside. The room to the left of the front hall, once a sitting area, had recently been outfitted with an adjustable hospital bed. A small Christmas tree had been placed on a side table in the corner, its blinking lights working overtime in trying to bring some cheer into the room.

'How long has she been sleeping?' I asked, taking my stethoscope and pen light from my bag.

'It was around half eleven when she finally settled. She was restless all morning, sort of agitated…she couldn't seem to get comfortable. I tried to get her to eat a little something but all she wanted was a few sips of juice. She hasn't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon at teatime, and even then it was only a few bites.'

I took Carol's blood pressure and listened to her heart and lungs. 'Mmm…there's a bit of fluid buildup in her lungs. BP seventy over forty, heart rate has slowed considerably.' I shone the light into first one eye then the other. 'Her pupils aren't responding to light, either. I'm sorry to say I think now is the time to contact any family members who may wish to be here,' I finished as kindly as I could.

Nick seemed to deflate, and sat down heavily in the chair next to the bed. 'So…you're saying…this is it, then? She's not going to wake up?' he asked haltingly.

'It's possible she may, but more than likely not for very long if it does happen. Her body is beginning the process of shutting down. At the moment, she doesn't seem to be experiencing any pain, which is good. I will do my best to make her comfortable if it looks as though she is in distress.'

He swallowed with difficulty. 'How long, do you think…?' he murmured.

'Could be hours, could be as long as a few days. There's really no way to judge in these situations,' I answered.

'But in your professional opinion?' he prodded.

I sighed and glanced at Carol again, noting the bluish discoloration in her extremities, her erratic breathing patterns. 'Soon, I think. As I said, if you have anyone you'd like to call…'

Nick ran a hand down his face and took a deep breath of resignation. 'Right. Carol's sister in Penzance…and I should speak to Nan Corrie with Hospice…' he trailed off.

'I will contact Nan and have her send someone as soon as possible. In the meantime, you can call Carol's sister,' I said.

Nick picked up his mobile to begin dialing, and I went into the kitchen to make my phone call to Hospice. I was assured that the first available on-call care worker would be dispatched to Portwenn. Nick was just hanging up the phone when I returned to the sitting room.

'Nan is sending someone here…they should be here within the hour,' I told him. He nodded tiredly and pulled a chair close to Carol's bed, taking her hand. I took Carol's pulse again—weakening—and glanced at my watch.

'I don't really know the protocol…if you are meant to stay or…I've never done this before,' Nick said quietly. He took a deep breath and blew it out, looking completely overwhelmed. 'I…we knew this was coming, but I had no idea it would be this soon. I thought I would be more prepared- I just…I have no idea what to do next.'

'That's to be expected. I will try to be as helpful as I can.'

'Would you mind just, uh…staying here for a bit? My sister in law is on her way too… I'd really rather not be alone.'

'Of course. I will stay until the care worker arrives,' I answered. I sat awkwardly on the settee in the corner. 'And obviously I will look in on you throughout the night as well, if circumstances require it.'

Nick looked at me with relief. 'Thank you, Doc. I appreciate it.'

'It's no trouble. It's my job.'

'Can I make you a cup of tea, or…?'

'No, thank you. I'm fine.'

This was the part of medicine that had always made me uncomfortable, no matter how hard I tried to feel otherwise. What do you say to someone who is watching their loved one slip away right in front of their eyes? I saw how Nick caressed Carol's hand and kissed it—I felt like an intruder in an intimate part of their lives, somewhere in which I didn't belong. Death of the body was the easy part: the organs failed, the heart stopped beating, the lungs expelled air for the last time. It was the natural progression of things, and as a doctor, I had seen it countless times; from a medical standpoint, it made perfect logical sense to me. It was the emotional part of death that I never seemed to get used to…what happened to everyone else during and after a person dies. People overwhelmed by their grief, the sadness, the tears…I was useless when it came to those things. I wasn't sure how much help I would actually be to Nick, even though he had asked me to stay.

'I thought Anna would be with you,' Nick commented quietly, not looking at me.

I shifted in my seat, clearing my throat. I shook my head. 'No, she's out of town for the holidays—gone to visit her family. She left this morning.'

'Back to the States?'

'Yes.'

'Ah. Nice she could do that. So you're on your own, then, eh? I was always complete rubbish when Carol went out of town without me.'

'Mmm,' I grunted, unwilling to admit I was feeling much the same.

Carol stirred a bit in the bed, and Nick gently stroked her forehead until she settled again. He went on.

'Anna stopped by here in the evenings sometimes, did you know? She'd have a cup of tea and a chat with Carol, bring her magazines. The past few weeks Carol didn't leave the bed much—she enjoyed the company. I think it sort of made her forget she was so sick…for a little while, anyway. I'd be in the other room and I could hear them giggling like schoolgirls. It was so good to hear Carol laugh…' he trailed off, swallowing hard. There was a pause while he collected himself. 'Well. Anyway…a lovely person, is your Anna.'

'Yes, she is,' I agreed. I thought briefly of earlier that morning, when I had taken her to the train station. There had been other people waiting for the train, but Anna hadn't let that stop her from giving me a proper goodbye; the way she had her arms around me, the heat and intensity of her kiss…she was giving everyone quite a show.

'Anna,' I protested, my face burning red with embarrassment, 'I don't really think this is the appropriate place to…'

'To what? I'm just kissing you goodbye,' she replied mildly.

'Yes, but…' She raised an eyebrow at me and kissed me again, and I was unable to protest further.

'I can't help it. I have to save it all up now, since I won't see you for a week…I gotta take what I can get,' she finished, grinning. I glanced around—the five or six others waiting seemed to be engrossed in their own business, which made me feel a bit better. Anna touched her forehead to mine.

'Will you miss me?' she murmured.

'Of course. You know I will,' I answered.

'Me, too.'

Nick brought me back from my thoughts. 'Don't waste a minute, Doctor,' he said firmly.

I was confused. 'Sorry?'

'Take my advice—don't waste a minute,' he repeated.

'I don't think I understand…'

'Carol and I, we've only known each other four years. I was hired to drive the limousine for a wedding party, and she was doing the photography for the same wedding…as soon as I saw her, I knew she was the one. Just like that, no turning back. I asked her out to dinner that very night, and it was like we had known each other forever. We were married three months later. Neither one of us was getting any younger, you know, so why wait?'

'I see,' I said.

'Of course, we both thought we'd have longer…you never expect something like this to happen, do you? I mean, no one could have predicted this,' there were tears in his eyes, and he wiped them away absentmindedly.

'No. I suppose not.' I was getting a curious sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it was making me feel a bit queasy. I was beginning to understand what Nick was trying to tell me.

'So take my advice. You and Anna…you reckon she's the one, Doc?'

I swallowed hard. My throat felt uncomfortably tight. 'Yeah,' I sighed, and my voice didn't sound like my own. 'I reckon she is.'

'Don't let her go, then. Enjoy every minute with her that you can.'

We sat quietly for a few minutes as Carol's breathing became more and more erratic. The Hospice care worker and Carol's sister Jillian arrived not long after that, within five minutes of each other. Nick thanked me again for staying with him, and I silently took my leave, thinking of nothing but Anna the entire way home.

Everything Nick had said had been completely right, and I wanted to kick myself for not seeing it sooner. What had I been thinking? Here I was, stuck in Portwenn, alone on Christmas while the woman I loved was thousands of miles away…and it was my own fault. I was an absolute git! Yes, all right, I was still quite apprehensive about meeting Anna's family, and I was still not entirely convinced they would accept me as willingly as Anna assured me they would, but was that uncertainty really worse than being here alone? No, it bloody well wasn't. And once I made up my mind, I began to feel better by the second.

Even before I got back to the surgery, I pulled my mobile from my pocket and dialed Chris Parsons' number. He picked up on the second ring.

'Mart! How are you, mate?' he asked jovially.

'I've made a huge mistake,' I blurted.

'What do you mean?'

'How soon could you find me a locum?'

There was a pause, and then my oldest friend began to laugh. 'It's about time you came to your senses,' he said.