Thanks to everyone who reviewed chap 34!! I really appreciate the feedback.
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Ed was stupefied. Had they really forgotten to call Roy and tell him to pick Ed up? Winry said she had... or did she say she would? He couldn't remember, but it was starting to get dark and here he was sitting at Central station on a bench with no Roy in sight, not to mention the payphone was out of order so he couldn't call Roy himself.
He considered hobbling to Roy's house on foot, but what if Roy was just late and came and didn't find him here?
Both to ease his frustration and relieve his boredom, Ed began running through the list of all the bad words he knew.
Loudly.
After he ran through them once, he started on their variations.
"Shithead! Shit for brains! Piece of shit!"
He was just starting with the "F" word when someone nearby began guffawing heartily in his direction. Ed started looking around, not because he thought Roy would be laughing, but because it still sounded familiar. He swiveled on his bench and felt a sharp cuff on the back of his head.
Squeaking, he peered up at his angry silencer, surprised to see Breda. He whimpered in recognition, forgetting how pathetic it made him seem. Breda grabbed Ed's suitcase and said, "C'mon, Havoc, let's go."
Ed spotted the blond holding his stomach and leaning on another bench laughing his guts out.
"What's up with him?" he asked Breda.
"He thinks you swearing at the top of your lungs in the station is hilarious. I don't," he added, giving Ed a disapproving glare. The boy hunched his shoulder and winced.
"I get it. Don't hit me?" he inquired. Breda put a hand on his head.
"One was plenty. Maybe two or three for him though," he said in regard to Havoc. Ed laughed when Jean straightened up to come over to punch Breda lightly in the arm.
"You wouldn't dare," he said playfully.
Breda, with a perfectly straight face, thwacked him on the head. Jean mock-pouted and turned to Ed. Holding out his arms, he said, "C'mon, up. I'll carry your crutch."
Ed pretended to think about it before lifting his arms toward Jean's and grabbing onto the shoulders of his military jacket.
"The Boss was busy and Hawkeye wouldn't let him out of the office so he had to arrange away for all the paperwork to get done minus two of us who came to get you," Jean explained.
"Why two?" Ed asked, slightly distracted with keeping his grip as Jean's long strides jostled him.
"Because we're good beggars," Breda grinned and Jean nodded. Ed rolled his eyes.
"Now. We're under strict orders to give you a choice between coming with us back to the office or being dropped off at the colonel's house."
At first Ed though he would rather to go Roy's house where he could have some quiet time before he saw Roy and had to talk about the reason he left, but quickly realized how little he really wanted to be alone and asked to tag along.
Jean continued to tease Breda in the car, "Now didn't the colonel tell you not to hit Ed anymore?"
"He would've done the same thing," Breda grumbled. Ed glanced at him, slightly worried. 'Is he going to tell Roy? What if Roy gets mad at me as soon as I get back?'
"Don't worry, Kid." Breda sounded slightly anxious himself. "Even if he doesn't like you doing that, he won't get after you so long as he knows I already did," he tried to reassure Ed.
Jean snorted. "Ahh, the joys of subordinatehood. We always have to do the dirty work."
Breda glared at him with such intensity that Jean raised his eyebrows and shut up. The drive could've been described as awkward at best.
"Ah, considering your rank and reputation, are you sure you don't want to use your crutch?" Jean asked after they had parked in front of HQ. Ed shook his head.
"I'm tired. If anyone teases me I'll just scream at them."
"Joy," Jean said, placing his hands around Ed's waist. Breda laughed a 'better-you-than-me' laugh.
"Colonel! We have the cargo," Jean said in his best movie star voice.
"Really? You brought him back here?" Roy Mustang stepped from his office into the adjoining one with an almost confused look on his face. It quickly cleared up into one of concern as he stepped closer to Ed, who didn't know how to deal with the nervous apprehension he sensed from Roy.
Their eyes met, Roy's searching and Ed's embarrassed. The blond found himself blushing inexplicably at the eye contact and looked down, fidgeting without realizing it.
Roy cleared his throat, setting aside Ed's apparent rejection and said, "You two get back to work. Tell Fuery to bring extra coffee on his next run."
"I HATE COFFEE! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?"
"Ed!" Roy snapped, hauling him suddenly out of Jean's arms and carting him into his own office, kicking the door shut behind him as Falman thanked the gods for making him a survivor of sudden cardiac arrest.
"Edward!" Roy dropped him on the couch, surprising him quite a bit. "We are overloaded with paperwork right now and I have people breathing down my neck- never mind, just be quiet and don't cause a scene."
Ed had no idea that being dropped onto a couch and the words Roy had just said were going to cause his throat to swell and eyes to burn. He swallowed and blinked rapidly, sure that crying would only anger Roy further.
The colonel slammed back down at his desk and began scribbling furiously.
After a while of watching Roy violently blow through piece after piece of paperwork showing no signs of calming, Ed started to have trouble not letting the tears fall. And then he was having trouble staying quiet. And very soon after that, he was having trouble just not crying too loudly, at which point Roy looked annoyedly up at him and the blond cringed, trying to make himself invisible.
Roy took a very, very deep breath, exhaling loudly.
Ed couldn't help it, his sobs growing louder and rational thought retreating to some other office that did not belong to Roy Mustang.
"I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm guilty, I'm confused and I'm exhausted right now. I know you don't like coffee but wouldn't a 'no thanks' have sufficed? I have a headache."
Ed's mind was casting about, looking for rational thought, wishing Communications hadn't suddenly shut down.
All Ed could do was sit and cry despite the fact that he really wanted to ask Roy why he was guilty and confused and say he was sorry and tell him that he wasn't afraid of him and he wanted to come home.
"Edward... What am I supposed to do? What do you want from me?" There was a definite strained note to Roy's question.
Ed whimpered as his mind searched for a back-up generator with which to reboot Communications. Too bad there is no such thing.
"Ed, I don't know what you want me to do."
RoyAlert, across the hall from Communications, shook its metaphorical head in bewilderment. Roy was supposed to cuddle him when he cried. The man knew that. Had he been hit in the head while Ed was away?
"Your crying is not helping anything!" Roy was becoming exasperated.
REBOOT! REBOOT!
Gah, even if Communications were fixed, what was he going to say?
'Blockage in Communications wire!'
What to say?
'Blockage! Beware! Increased pressure and possible-'
"YOU CUDDLE ME WHEN I FALL APART! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?"
Roy felt some strange form of pity for a moment, wondering that Ed had such a hard time expressing himself.
"You're...not afraid of me?"
"NO! I was going to tell you that but you had to go and get mad at me!"
"You are the one who came in here and started screaming because I thought you'd like a warm drink!" Roy yelled back.
"YOU KNOW I HATE COFFEE!"
"I FORGOT! FORGIVE ME MY TERRIBLE CRIME, YOUR HIGHNESS!"
Ed didn't really have a retort, so he had to think about it for a moment. Then, with a tiny smile he said, "You just called me tall."
"God damn, you're a pain!" Roy answered, coming over and flopping back onto the couch at an angle against the arm and pulling Ed over so he could put his head on Roy's ribs.
"Why do you have so much paperwork?"
"Because something strange is going on in the East. Soldiers and civilians disappearing without a trace-."
Ed was staring openmouthed and Roy guessed, "Ed, where is your brother?"
"He's going into the Eastern desert. I'm going to catch up with him later and we're going to see if the Ishvarlans know anything about human transmutation."
It was Roy's turn to stare.
"I thought you agreed to tell me before you made plans to go running off into dangerous places."
Ed clung to Roy's shirt as if to keep the Flame from moving.
"Al wanted to hurry up and go even though I couldn't walk and I just-. Wanted to come home."
Roy groaned. "Are you always in the wrong place at the wrong time? You need to call your brother."
"OK..."
Roy started to get up with the intention of bringing Ed the phone, but Ed refused to let go of his shirt.
"Ed, I have to-"
"I don't want you to go."
"I'm not going very far..."
"I missed you," Ed pleaded. Roy sighed.
"Tell you what, tonight when we get home we can cuddle on the couch for as long as you want but I have to get back to work and you should really try to contact your brother."
Ed wasn't happy about it, but he let go of Roy's shirt and dialed Winry's number when the Flame brought the phone over to him.
--
"Hello? Rockbell Automail."
"Hey, Win. It's Ed. Is Al still there?"
"Oh! Uh, Ed. Hi there," she said quickly. "No, Al already left."
"How long ago? I need to talk to him."
"He left as soon as we got back from the station, Ed. It's been hours."
"Well thanks anyway..."
"Right! Of course! No problem!" Winry hung up.
Ed stared at the phone. "Am I missing something...?"
"Why?" Roy glanced up from his desk.
"Winry's acting really nervous."
"She could be flustered about that boyfriend of hers, or even a customer. Don't assume it's got anything to do with you," Roy advised.
"You could be right..."
Ed stared at Roy as he blew through his pile of paperwork, never slowing. Ed really didn't like seeing him so angry...
One, two, three hours later, Ed was bored to death and Roy's desk was still covered in reports, inquiries, requests and commands from his superiors. Ed had already taken a few naps, but he wasn't really sleepy, just tired. And bored to death. He felt sorry for the colonel, and needed something to do, so he tried humming a little tune which sounded suspiciously like the Numa Numa song.
After forty seconds, Roy froze and then slowly looked up at Ed, who hummed innocently.
"In the nicest way I know how to say it right now- Shut up!" Roy told him.
Ed stuck his nose in the air and pouted. What an ungrateful bastard.
Another ten years passed and Ed decided to try something a little different, say, Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson.
Roy froze again, then looked up. "Out."
Ed tried pleading Roy swith his eyes, but Roy's glare remained steady. Ed huffed and limped into his subordinates' office and sat on that couch.
Fuery was taking up most of it already though, so Ed spent several minutes trying to decide whether to go sit in the brunette's empty chair or use him as a pillow. When Breda noticed Ed though, he hissed, "Don't disturb him! He's taking a power nap!"
Ed had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but he came over near Breda and sat down in Fuery's chair. The red haired second lieutenant was in a bad mood, too, so Ed began trying to hum, "I get Knocked Down" by Chumbawamba, but found it was actually harder to hum than to sing.
During his attempts to hum it correctly, he accidentally began humming it louder and at some point, everyone else in the room except Fuery looked up and shushed him, many holding their first fingers to their lips. Ed blushed and stayed quiet.
For five minutes. Then he took a pen from the cup in the middle of the table and looked for something to doodle on. Unfortunately, all the papers on the table looked important, so he started to doodle on his hand.
Jean was sitting across the table from him and became suspicious, wondering what the boy was doing with his hands under the table.
"Ed, what are you doing?"
"Nothing," Ed said obviously.
"Show me your hands. Hold them up."
Ed sulked a little as he did so, one hand still grasping a pen and the other decorated with little swirls and dogs and circles.
"Ed! Don't draw on your hand!" Jean chided. Ed glared at him petulantly and Jean told him, "Go wash it off."
Ed sighed loudly and started limping out the door toward the bathrooms. He could only get a little off with soap and water but with some careful alchemy he managed to render his palm unmarked before wandering into the deserted cafeteria.
He hate two soggy sandwiches and some hard cookies before heading toward the library.
Fuery found him before he got there though, on his way back from a coffee run, and brought him back to the office so they could keep track of him.
"Be quiet," Jean reminded Ed as he sat on the couch. Fuery had reclaimed his seat so there were no more places for Ed to sit at the table. Very soon, Ed began humming, "Flying into Los Angeles" by Arlo Guthrie, at which point they all shushed him again loudly. He groaned loudly in response and Jean, obviously intending to give him something to do, called him over.
"Go give this to the colonel," he said, handing Ed several papers stapled together.
"Oh and this," Breda said, pushing a pile of paper across the table.
"This, too," Fuery said, giving Ed more papers. Ed had to take two trips to get everything to Roy's office.
When he came back, he tapped Jean on the shoulder.
"What?"
"Is it OK if Roy takes a nap?"
"NO!" Riza, Falman and Breda snapped.
"Uhh..." Ed squirmed under their suspicious glares. "He's asleep. Drooling on Master Sergeant Garmin's report from outside New Optain.
"I'm going. To kill him. This time I'm really going to shoot him." Hawkeye was livid. Outraged, even.
"Noo, no, no, no," Jean and Breda reached for her arms to stop her.
"I can wake him up," Ed said. He turned and retreated into the man's office.
"Roy! Roy wake up!" When Roy didn't, Ed decided he'd made a sufficient effort. Instead of trying to wake him then, Ed focused on getting the man's body to sit back in his spinny chair so Ed could climb into his lap. When he finally managed to get up though, the spinny chair flew backward and hit the wall with a loud bang. Roy woke up in a hurry and tried to sit up straight and Ed held on for dear life.
"Wh... What the hell?" Roy looked down at Ed.
"You fell asleep."
"Mm," said Roy groggily, giving Ed a look that said he thought there was more to the story.
"I'm waking you up."
Roy smiled and put his hands under Ed's arms.
"How dumb do you think I am?" he asked, attempting to lift Ed back off of his lap. Ed hung on and gave Roy a "Whatever could you possibly mean?" look and Roy lifted with more force.
"You're trying to cuddle."
Ed sniffed in irritation and held on firmly to Roy's shoulders.
"You know I said I would cuddle with you when we got home," Roy reminded him. Ed's expression turned sulky and he still didn't let go.
"Don't piss me off, Ed," Roy warned him. It certainly did the trick. Ed was out of his lap and heading out of his office in a split second, giving him a look that clearly told him he was an unfair, heartless bastard. Roy ignored it for the moment and wheeled over to his desk to see what he'd fallen asleep on.
"Fuery! Coffee!" Jean barked, never looking up from his paperwork.
"Not now!" the smaller man protested, "I'm taking notes on Lieutenant General Gurftan's report! All the personnel in his department want to get their hands on this ASAP! I don't have time for a coffee run."
"Second Lieutenant," Riza got Jean's attention, "You overlooked this front page of General Raven's inquiry. Why don't you take a break and get coffee. And," she added after a moment, "Take Edward with you."
Ed and Jean looked at each other and Ed stood, limping over to the second lieutenant.
"Why don't you transmute a brace or a cast or something?" Jean asked, eyeing Ed's foot.
" 'Cause I never thought of it," Ed said appreciatively, already looking around for something to use.
"I'll carry you down to the cafeteria," Jean interrupted Ed's visual scan of the hallway.
"I guess."
Ed made a brace from the floor in the far corner of the cafeteria, Jean got coffee and one other thing happened in the food room.
"Ed, you're still young enough that you shouldn't really be swearing wherever you go," Jean began in a lecturing tone, "So I have found the perfect solution!" He punched his fist in the air heroically and Ed uttered some rather unimpressed expletives, mostly just for the hell of it-, er, heck of it.
"Hey," Jean snipped. "Now listen, this always used to work for us soldiers back during the war. You just swear in a different language! Namely Ishvarlan, because it's all I know."
Ed considered it, watching Jean closely.
"So, OK, I'll start you off with what I know and then if you go around the cafeteria and say them to other soldiers,, they'll probably teach you some new ones. By example, of course."
Ed fell for this- hook, line and sinker and soon set off around the room armed with a napkin on which was written:
Vema Damn
Paeki Shit
Dolom fi Kane Son of a bitch (dog)
He spotted someone who was eating in their undershirt, leaving a large scar on his arm plainly visible. He looked a few years older than Roy, so Ed decided he looked promising.
Ed wasn't completely sure what Jean had meant by "By example," but he didn't really want to make anyone angry, so he went up behind the man and asked, "D-dolom fi Kane?"
Four heads swiveled toward him. Then they all started laughing and Ed flushed with indignation.
"Poppo kira lane, paekiro," the scarred one retorted gruffly, but with humor. Ed unconsciously bit his lip, then scurried off where they couldn't see him scribbling the words down as best as he could on his napkin. Then he looked around for another prospective language tutor, determined to impress Jean with his findings.
"Vema, paekiro!" he scoffed at a brooding figure hunched over his tray. He didn't really know what "paekiro" mean but it seemed to have something to do wtih shit so...
"Kelin bar llut?" the man growled back, scaring Ed who shook his head and skittered away again. He wasn't sure whether or not the man had been swearing at him, but he wrote down the question on his napkin anyway.
Then strolling up to a State Alchemist about Breda's age, Ed read off his napkin, "Poppo kira lane, paekiro."
The man swiveled his whole body around and, upon seeing Edward, stood up quickly, the whole table tipping for a moment as he did so.
He had to be around 6'2", 6' 3" and looked like he weighed five hundred pounds.
"Kelin? Kelin, Poppo sala?" he was starting to look very intimidating and Ed shook his head, skittering-
"Sala Poppo! Kane fi Sala! Mind dae bante!" The man came charging after him and Ed's adrenaline shot through the roof.
'Whoops! Uh, how do you say that in Ishv-'
The man grabbed his jacket and Ed's feet came out from under him, leaving him scrabbling unable to reach the floor or get back on his feet properly. Ed clapped his hands and bound the man's feet to the floor, scrabbling and hoping to throw him off balance. He swung Ed into the wall which the FullMetal bounced off of and pulled out his State Watch which had an array scratched onto the back of it. Ed got up and ran for dear life, thanking the heavens he had a brace on his ankle so he didn't have to worry about it too much.
He left skid marks in the hallway when he slammed into the office with every intention of using Jean as a shield and ran in on... an argument? Roy was standing up straight to his full height and staring Jean down as the blond man spoke.
"...was just giving him something to do!"
"You are a bad ex- Ed!" Roy came over and started looking him over but Ed pushed him off.
"Lock the doors!" he gasped.
"What happened?" Roy asked, fussing like a mother hen.
"Did you piss someone off?" Jean asked scoldingly. Ed looked at his feet and hunched his shoulders.
"Who is it?" Roy was immediately in control of the situation.
"I don't know. He's an alchemist."
"You don't even know his name?" Roy frowned.
"I don't know how to ask!"
"I'm sure he speaks English, but anyway. Where is he now?"
"Probably in the hallway. He's big."
Roy opened the door and Ed hid behind Jean.
Roy saw the guy alright. He was huge, walked like a bear and was obviously looking for something.
"Ed, come here," Roy beckoned Ed to his side. Ed shook his head but Roy ignored the refusal so Ed crept up closer.
"Now come on. All this was was a misunderstanding. You need to apologize."
"He's going to kill me..."
"No, he's not. Come on." Roy grabbed the back of Ed's shirt and dragged him toward the man-bear stalking down the hallway.
"HEY!" he bellowed upon spotting his harasser.
"I believe there's been a misunderstanding?" Roy began smoothly with just enough concern and confusion to slightly disarm the man.
"That little bleep just walked up to me and-"
"I know, I'm so sorry. FullMetal here doesn't actually speak-"
"Oh, don't tell me that. He thinks since he's got a big bad reputation he can walk all over the rest of us."
"No, really, a friend was just playing a joke. He doesn't understand what-"
"Oh yeah? Well I'd like to meet this fr-"
"Respect your superiors! You're talking to a colonel, now stop cutting me off!" Roy snapped. The man looked disgruntled. Roy pulled Ed forward, nudging him with his leg.
"Uh, sorry," Ed murmured.
"Think you're hot shit, don'tcha?"
"I didn't meant it... I was just repeating-"
"Yeah I thought so. Put the blame on someone else," he growled.
"Hey! It wasn't even my idea! You don't have to act like it's such a big deal!"
"Do you have any idea what you said?"
Ed bit his lip, both fuming and humiliated.
"Right."
"Well why don't you tell me!" Ed snapped, trying to pull away from Roy, who was pretty sure that if he did there was going to be a major brawl.
"Pfsh. Forget about it. You ain't worth the time."
Ed jumped against Roy's hold, trying to tackle the man from behind as he walked away and Roy grabbed him roughly by the hair on the back of his neck.
Ed tried to pull Roy's hand off his neck but Roy wouldn't let go and began dragging Ed back into his office.
"Ro-oy!" Ed snapped, both hands prying angrily at Roy's painful grip.
"Oh, stop it. It's bad enough you actually listened to Jean and went around the cafeteria- of course you were going to piss someone off! And when you did you couldn't even manage to apologize properly without trying to pick a fist fight with him!"
Ed grabbed Roy's sleeve instead of his arm and yanked on it with his automail, successfully pulling Roy's hand and several hairs off of his neck. He spun around and stuck his tongue out at Roy, which pushed the Flame over the line and earned Ed a slap across the face.
"Go home. Right now."
"You can't make me-!"
"Now, Ed." Roy turned to Jean, "You. You had a hand in this. Go take Ed back to my house, lock him in and don't think that anyone will be doing your paperwork while you're gone, so you better hurry it up." He tossed Jean a key to his house so the lieutenant could lock it even though they both knew Ed could use alchemy.
"Y-yes, Sir!" Jean was a little scared of Roy right now. "C'mon, Ed."
"You can't-!"
Jean swooped Ed up and clapped a hand over his mouth. Ed kicked him in the thigh and hit his neck while flailing. As soon as they were out of earshot of Roy's office, Jean let go of Ed's mouth so he could rearrange Ed. That is, handcuff his feet together and hold his arms behind his back while carrying him like a blanket or an angry cat- one arm under his stomach up against his hip. Ed tried to kick, but couldn't move both of his feet sufficiently sideways to make contact.
Jean called a cab so he could hold Ed instead of letting him loose in the car while Jean drove. The driver looked slightly alarmed,but Jean promised a good tip and tossed Ed into the back seat.
"I hate you," Ed spat, pulling his arms free and sitting up as Jean climbed in. Jean looked unsurprised.
"It hasn't been a particularly good day for any of us, Ed."
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WHOA!! I knew I'd written up a storm a few days ago, but I thought I would just have enough to finish chapter 34! Now everything I wrote is trailing into 36, otherwise I think this would be too long.