A/N - Thank you so much for your kind reviews and support for this story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory. This is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.
~Chapter 37~
All we will ever know and share about love, humility, compassion, and sacrifice - the secrets that will reveal and then resolve old sorrows - awaits us within ourselves.
-Guy Finley
The drive back to Pasadena was mostly silent, Sheldon unable to speak and Leonard not speaking either out of respect for Sheldon's current state. Leonard nearly crashed the car from shock when Sheldon reached over to turn on the radio, finding a station that played easy listening music and turning it to a low volume to fill the dead air. As Sheldon never liked to listen to music in the car either as a driver or a passenger, Leonard knew something was very wrong. He chose not to remark on it, simply enduring the strange musical choice that Sheldon had settled upon and concentrated on the road.
By the time they entered the Pasadena city limits, it was nearing two pm. Sheldon felt exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open after the extremely stressful morning he'd endured. His lids kept slipping shut, a war being raged within him that threatened to pull him under. He felt as though he were drifting alongside his body, not completely in the present. He tried to concentrate on the steady hum of the car engine, the soft wind outside as it howled against the glass…anything that would re-connect him to the here and now.
If everything that he had learned today was true, then he wished he could go back in time and erase it. He also felt like he was dancing on the edge of a major panic attack and he should call Dr. Corbin for an emergency session.
He had no idea how he was going to tell Amy about Adam's revelations. Not only did her father not blame Amy, as she had assumed her entire life, he revered her because she was the last living link to his beloved late wife. His indifference towards her was not because he hated her. It was because he hated himself and couldn't bear to look her in the eyes after what he'd done to her mother. He'd taken the coward's way out; allowing a helpless child to bear the brunt of his guilt.
And then, of course, there was the small matter of Drew being Adam's son.
Sheldon thought back over every conversation he and Amy had ever had concerning Drew. Their bond, according to Amy, had been instantaneous. He had indeed taken her under his wing, becoming her closest and only friend. He was fiercely protective of her, accepting of her, and loving toward her. Thinking of them both now, he could plainly see certain similarities in their mannerisms and the ease in which their banter flowed. He'd assumed, as everyone else, it was because they were such close friends.
Another profound, disturbing thought seeped into the cracks of Sheldon's mind, as well: What if Drew weren't gay, or if the two of them had experimented sexually together in college…or worse? Fell in love?
The outcome of that could have been catastrophic on an apocalyptic level. Sheldon wondered if that question had ever crossed Adam Fowler's mind before.
Sheldon also wondered if Drew's parents were aware of the connection. Surely, they had met Amy. Amy herself mentioned that she spent some holidays with the Prince family. They had been best friends for sixteen years, after all. The Prince's had to surely have known that Amanda Fowler was Adam Fowler's daughter. Had they made the decision to lie to him about that, as well?
Sheldon didn't understand how they could even endure Amy's presence in their home, knowing that her father had fathered Drew and nearly cost them their marriage. Drew had told Sheldon that his parent's never approved of his 'life choices'. Were one of those choices Amy? Or had they allowed her in Drew's life as part of some sick, twisted plot to make Adam suffer for his sins?
Sheldon let out a harsh groan, feeling a massive migraine coming on. All of these secrets and lies that he and Amy had been force fed their entire lives were catching up with him. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, the blinding sunshine making him even wearier. He never wore sunglasses, but fervently wished in that moment that he had a pair.
Leonard made eye contact with his best friend hesitantly and the worry that was etched in his features was clear to see.
"Sheldon…do you want me to take you home? I can take your car back to my place and Penny and I can come later to drop it off." Leonard told him gently.
Sheldon didn't answer him, but shook his head no. Leonard tried another tactic.
"Are you hungry, then? We didn't eat lunch. I could take you to The Cheesecake Fac-"
Sheldon interrupted Leonard quietly, his gaze flickering towards his window.
"Please take me back to Los Robles with you, Leonard. I'd like to take a nap before I go home and face Amy. I'm in no condition to see her yet. She'll know immediately that something happened." Sheldon murmured, his voice sounding small and afraid.
Leonard nodded vigorously. He wanted to prod Sheldon about what had happened back there with Adam Fowler, but knew it was fruitless to press him about it now. The man looked on the verge of collapse. He sighed thickly, knowing that it was a mistake for his friend to confront Amy's father. Sheldon had gained strength over the last year in being able to handle adversity. But he was treading on shaky ground, as he was still in therapy. He'd only recently discovered the truth about his own paternity. Now this? Leonard feared the backlash from discovering whatever it was that he'd discovered today would prove to be too much for him.
But as he loved Sheldon and supported him no matter what, the recriminations the I-told-you-so's could wait.
"Of course you can, Buddy. You can lie down in your old room. Penny won't be home until late, anyway." Leonard assured him.
Sheldon nodded in relief, the painful vice upon his chest beginning to lessen the closer they came to his old address. They headed straight up to 4A, Leonard not even stopping to check the mail. Sheldon climbed ahead of Leonard in a trance, not even realizing that they reached the fourth floor until he heard Leonard's key jingle as he opened the door.
Stepping through the familiar door that was his for twelve years, Sheldon breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to rest and regroup in a place that he felt safe and that he could clear his head. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he knew that he needed to rest his mind for a while before he made any concrete decisions.
"Would you like a snack or something? I can make you a sandwich." Leonard asked, his worry growing by the moment as Sheldon dragged his tired limbs in the direction of his old room.
"No thank you, Leonard. I'd just like to rest." Sheldon whispered.
He made his way through the hallway, stopping first in the bathroom. Clicking the lock, Sheldon walked over to the sink and held it with both hands as he stared at himself in the mirror. His face looked pale and dark circles accented his eye sockets. Bottom line, he looked awful. If Amy were to see him like this, she would panic. He loosened his tie, nearly yanking it off of his collar. It suddenly felt like it were a noose around his neck.
Now Adam Fowler is not the only one who's lied to Amy…
That voice…the one that used to taunt him and sounded like George Cooper, whispered into his ear and made him gasp. It nearly tickled his eardrum with its heavy viscosity, his brain already receiving the message loud and clear. Sheldon could almost hear the spitefulness in its tone and smell the whiskey that usually accompanied it.
Angrily, he stared into the mirror at his reflection, noting how his eyes grew red with both tears and anger.
"I'm not lying to her. I'm going to tell her. I was trying to protect her. I love her and would never hurt her intentionally. I am nothing like you. You have no power over me anymore. None. Go away." He said malevolently, gritting his teeth.
Sheldon shook his head clear, opening the medicine cabinet and producing a bottle that he'd left here for emergencies before he moved out. He hadn't needed one of these since last January, when Amy had told him that she never wanted to see him again because she thought he was engaged to Penny. He needed one now, though, as the adrenaline still coursing through his blood from earlier would not abate.
Popping open the lid, he drew out the peach colored pill and downed it with a handful of tap water. The bitter taste of the anti-anxiety medicine usually burned his mouth, but he hardly noticed as it slid down his throat and he splashed ice cold water on his face.
"Calm down, Sheldon. Calm down. Just breathe. Deep breathes. In. And out. Slowly." He told himself, clearing his mind of everything. If he didn't get centered, he feared that he would end up back in the hospital. This time, from a heart attack brought on by stress.
Ten minutes passed before he was able to slow his heartrate and the medication began to work. Sheldon made his way to his old room, Leonard nowhere to be seen when he opened the bathroom door. His old room still held his bed and furniture, the sheets freshly laundered just in case someone had dropped in for a visit. Sheldon stared at the bed a moment, feeling like he'd never seen it before. Suddenly, it seemed way too small for him. Even though he'd spent twelve years sleeping in that bed, it felt alien to him. He realized the reason was because now, no bed was right unless Amy was there next to him.
Amy…
His precious, beautiful little lady. He wished with all of his might that he could shield her from what was coming. Maybe this was her turn to go through the fire and emerge cleansed. Perhaps it would be a blessing to her, finally knowing the truth. She'd suffered long enough, either way. Sheldon was reminded of a Robert Frost quote that he'd read long ago – The Way Out is Always Through.
Trying to think about this situation rationally as a third party observer, he considered the options.
On one hand, the positives were that Amy was wrong about her father. He loved her and had always wanted her. He didn't blame her for Lily's death and wanted her forgiveness, as well as a chance to make things right with her. And on top of that, it turned out that her best friend and the man that she loved like a brother really was.
Yet on the other hand…
How badly would it hurt Amy to know that Adam was unfaithful to Lily, even that once? Or that his mistake had caused a child to born from that union, nearly destroying two marriages? Amy was a forgiving, open minded person. Adam had spared Lily the pain of finding out about the affair before she died, choosing to suffer in silence and take the secret to his grave rather than destroy her happiness. But she died due to complications in childbirth; from a risky pregnancy which Adam had instigated out of some twisted need for repentance.
Sheldon unbuttoned his dress shirt and its cuffs, pulling it off and laying it on the chair next to the bed. Next came his pants and belt, before he toed off his shoes. Nearly collapsing onto the bed, he lay there in his undershirt and boxers, exhaustion pulling him under sleep's pull immediately.
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Three hours later, Sheldon opened his eyes and for a split second, everything was as it was before this morning. Then reality set back in, and Sheldon sighed deeply as he sat up against the headboard of his old bed.
He looked over at the bedside clock which read 6:00 pm. He'd slept for hours, and he'd needed it. Although he still felt weary and anxious, his head was at least somewhat clearer.
"What am I going to do?" He murmured aloud to himself, Amy's face popping into his mind. While he was relieved that Adam Fowler meant his daughter no harm, he was stricken at the turn of events and what they meant.
Was there any way that this situation could turn out for the best? He wondered in dismay. After all, his own situation had. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise. Only time would tell.
Climbing out of bed, Sheldon redressed in his pants and shirt, leaving off the tie and jacket. He made his way to the living room where Leonard sat on the couch watching TV. Sheldon smiled when he noticed that Leonard was not sitting in his spot, and wondered if he did that on purpose or just out of habit. Either way, the gesture touched Sheldon.
Sheldon sat down in the white chair next to the couch, avoiding his spot entirely. Leonard turned his attention to his friend, smiling gently.
"Feel better?" Leonard asked, watching Sheldon closely.
Sheldon nodded.
"I do. Thank you, Leonard. I was a bit out of it earlier." He admitted sheepishly.
Leonard scooted closer to his friend, hoping that he was ready to discuss what happened earlier with Dr. Fowler.
"That's understandable, given the circumstances. Sheldon, what happened back there? Do I need to call Dr. Corbin for you? Or…Amy?" Leonard asked bluntly.
Sheldon closed his eyes, leaning his head against the back of the chair.
"No, Leonard. I'm fine now. It was just a shock. A big shock." Sheldon emphasized roughly.
Leonard narrowed his eyes in concern, waiting for Sheldon to elaborate.
Sheldon met Leonard's gaze, and he shook his head helplessly.
"I don't know where to even begin." He said quietly.
Leonard's mouth twisted.
"Is it that bad?" Leonard asked worriedly.
Sheldon stared at his friend a moment.
"It would depend on whose standards you're going by." Sheldon admitted.
Leonard nodded, biting his bottom lip.
"Is Amy in any danger?" Leonard asked seriously.
Sheldon shook his head in the negative rapidly, before rubbing his tired eyes with his fingers.
"No. Unless you consider the danger being a broken heart. Then yeah, I guess you could say that she is." Sheldon choked out.
Leonard sat back, crossing his ankle across his knee.
"So he does blame her." Leonard stated quietly.
Sheldon shook his head in the negative again.
"No. He doesn't blame her, Leonard. Quite the opposite. Amy's father loves her. He only left her because he was wracked by guilt. Before Amy was born, he had an affair which resulted in a child. A child that doesn't know Adam is his father."
Leonard's thick brows hit the stratosphere.
The next thirty minutes were a blur as Sheldon filled Leonard in on the finer points of his and Adam's conversation. When it was finished, Leonard got up to get a much needed bottle of water for the both of them.
Drained, Sheldon sat back in the chair and gulped the bottle down in a few swigs. He was parched and felt dehydrated, which didn't help his weariness any. Leonard sat back down next to him, staring at him with wide eyes.
"My God, Sheldon. This situation… it's like an episode of Days of Our Lives," Leonard breathed in shock. "What are you going to do?"
Until that moment, Sheldon hadn't known. But the answer was there all along. He needed to be honest with Amy. If she could trust anyone in this world, it was him. It had to be him. If not, who else?
"I gave Adam Fowler my business card, and told him that he needed to call me when he decided what he wanted to do. But I'm not waiting for him to decide, Leonard. I'm going to tell Amy on Saturday. We're going to Drew's, as she hasn't seen him yet since he arrived in town. I think I'll tell her first, and then she can talk to Drew alone. I can't keep such a secret from Amy; it killed me to lie to her this morning as it was. I refuse to make this easier for him. She is the one that I love and have to protect, not him. But Leonard…I don't know how I'm going to do this." He said fearfully.
Leonard offered his best friend a look of sympathy.
"You're going to be fine, Sheldon. You are so much stronger than you realize. I'm so proud of you, the way you stood up for your woman like that. I know you feel bad that you withheld the truth from Amy, but you did it with Amy's best interest at heart. You did the right thing. If his intention was to hurt her or stress her out, then you only acted because you were trying to protect her. Confronting him was one thing. Learning that he has a son and it's Drew…entirely another. You had no way of knowing that he'd drop such a bombshell on you." Leonard soothed, but his words didn't calm Sheldon down.
Sheldon snorted in derision when he realized that his own family tree was no better. A presumed, abusive alcoholic father who had numerous affairs with whatever wore a skirt, a mother who put up with such behavior until the time she'd had enough and had an affair of her own, resulting in conceiving twins with the man whom she hid the truth from for thirty-five years.
Sheldon felt that it was safe to say the Coopers and the Fowler's would not be earning accolades in the perfect family category. But he realized that they were all only human. All he could now going forward, was learn from their mistakes.
"Thank you, Leonard. You're my best friend and I am so grateful that you are here. Thank you for coming with me today. That meant the world to me." Sheldon said quietly.
Touched, Leonard smiled shyly.
"You're welcome, Buddy." He said quietly in return.
They stared at each other a moment, the seriousness of the matter sinking in.
"You know you're going to have to be there for Amy…she will need you more than ever once she finds out." Leonard said gravely. "Are you ready to do that?"
Sheldon nodded, inhaling deeply.
"I'm ready, Leonard. I would walk through fire for Amy." Sheldon assured him.
Leonard nodded sharply.
"And…you have to prepare yourself, Sheldon. Amy might be angry at you for not telling her about not only meeting her father without telling her, but finding him in the first place. And months ago, at that. I know your heart was in the right place, but Amy would have every reason to feel betrayed by you. You realize that, right?" He asked Sheldon seriously, knowing that this aspect of the situation would be harder on Sheldon than the first.
Sheldon nearly choked on the lump in his throat. Nevertheless, he bravely nodded.
"Yes. I know that." Sheldon whispered, hoping and praying that he hadn't played God and destroyed Amy's trust in him.
The two friends held a silent conversation with their eyes, knowing that there was nothing else to be done. It was Thursday now, and Sheldon only had to endure the torment for another day. Reaching over, Leonard rubbed Sheldon's arm comfortingly.
"Buddy…Amy loves you. She trusts you. She knows you. No matter what you've done, it was to protect her. She'll remember that. Don't worry too much, alright? You need to remain strong for her. And for Drew. They're going to need it." Leonard said kindly.
Sheldon nodded, closing his eyes. He had no choice but to trust Leonard's words, and trust in Amy's love for him.
"Come on. It's late and I'm starving. Let's go to dinner, just the two of us. Okay?" Leonard urged.
Sheldon rose on rubbery legs, following Leonard out the door.
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The house was dark when Sheldon arrived home, the sun having set hours ago. Amy had texted Sheldon around 8:00 pm to tell him that she had just left Caltech and was on her way home. Upon seeing her words, and the xoxo at the end of her message, Sheldon nearly cried.
Ever since he had left Cedars earlier, a deep ache had begun in his heart, one that longed to embrace Amy and never let her go. He missed her. He'd seen her less than twelve hours ago, and yet…he couldn't wait to hold her.
Perhaps it was because he felt guilty that he knew something concerning her that she didn't. Or maybe it was due to the fact that his precious vixen was going to have her life rocked very soon, and he was going to have to be there for her.
Sheldon padded through the house, removing his shoes as to not make a clatter. Their bedroom door was open; the lights off but a candle lit which illuminated the moonlight as it shone off the lake.
Amy was asleep in their bed, her face turned into her pillow. She had removed her shoes, but was still fully clothed in her work clothing. Sheldon watched her for a few minutes, thinking that he'd never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life. He'd once wished that he could go to space, certain he'd never see something as lovely here on terra firma. How wrong he'd been…
Chaucer was at her feet on the floor. He raised his eyes to his male master, tilting his head in curiosity as Sheldon approached.
"Hi, Buddy." Sheldon whispered, sitting on the bed and patting Chaucer's head gently. The dog leaned his face into Sheldon's palm, licking it gently.
"When did you get home?" Came Amy's tiny voice from behind him, caressing his ears.
Sheldon closed his eyes, pursing his lips. Finally, he turned around to meet her sleepy gaze.
"Just now." He whispered, trying not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere of their bedroom.
Amy sat up on her knees, wrapping her arms around Sheldon from behind and pulling him back on the bed with her. He went willingly, scooting closer to her as she did the same.
"Hi." Amy breathed, running her fingers through the hair at Sheldon's temple.
"Hi." He choked out, his voice raspy. "I'm sorry I'm late."
Amy smiled, shrugging gently.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep. I was so tired. It was a long day. And I missed you. I hate coming home to an empty house now." She admitted.
Sheldon tried to smile but it felt forced, He mimicked her actions by stroking her hair, his eyes roaming around her face lovingly.
"I know what you mean." He whispered tenderly.
Silence passed between them, and Sheldon worried if Amy was picking up on his melancholy mood.
"I seem to recall you saying that we were going to do something special tonight. Can I get a raincheck?" She asked playfully, running her thumbs along Sheldon's lips.
Sheldon nodded in the affirmative.
"Anytime." He promised.
He pushed her hair behind her ears, running his fingers down her cheek in the process. Amy closed her eyes at the sensation his touch evoked.
"I have some work to do before bed. I'll let you get some rest. I don't want to disturb you." He whispered, moving to get up.
Amy leaned over before he could disengage from her, kissing Sheldon's lips gently. He kept his eyes open, watching her come closer with a pounding in his heart.
"You are never a disturbance, Sheldon." She murmured. "But you are a distraction. A handsome, sexy, beautiful distraction." She whispered.
Sheldon wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body against his. She was warm and soft, and smelled as lovely as always. He bent his head until it was resting in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent deeply.
"You've been a distraction since the day we met. And I wouldn't have it any other way." Sheldon murmured, stroking her back in long, gentle strokes.
Amy giggled sleepily.
"You charmer, you. By the way, how did your lecture today go?" She asked earnestly, but he could tell that her voice was faltering. She was going to be asleep again with moments, and he was happy that she had this time rest.
Sheldon's eyes opened slowly, his gaze fixed upon the lake beyond their bedroom as he tried to formulate a response.
"It…it was an eye opener. I learned more than I had anticipated. And I promise, I will tell you all about it. Very, very soon." Sheldon replied honestly, his voice soft.
"Good." She murmured dreamily, her eyes already slipping shut.
Sheldon kissed her forehead, rising from the bed. He wanted to make her comfortable, so he unbuttoned her cardigan and blouse, taking them off and leaving her in her silk camisole. He moved on to her skirt, unzipping it and pulling it off of her gently. Finally, he removed her silk tights, rolling them down her soft skin with care.
Amy sighed in her sleep, rolling over and grabbing Sheldon's pillow in his stead. He gazed at her silently, wishing her sweet dreams in his thoughts. He looked down at their loving dog, all inquisitive ears and sharp eyes as he watched Sheldon closely. Sheldon knew that Chaucer sensed something was wrong, and he was glad that Amy had him for comfort.
"Watch over her, puppy." Sheldon whispered to Chaucer, who moved closer to Amy's side of the bed at his command.
Sheldon managed a smile, turning to leave them. He closed their bedroom door quietly, walking into the den on autopilot. He closed that door as well, sitting down at the large desk that he and Amy shared. He stared into space for a long time, trying to gather his thoughts together.
Amy was right; it had been a long day. His thoughts drifted; the jumbled mess of facts and figures which normally swirled around his brain made even worse by the overwhelming data that he suddenly could not process.
He glanced over at his laptop which he had left home today, the decision made before he even opened it up. It was an hour earlier in Texas, after all. He signed into Skype, chewing on his bottom lip as he waited for the connection to go through. It rang a few times before a familiar figure popped onto the screen, their face breaking out in a broad smile once they realized that it was Sheldon.
"Sheldon! What a surprise. How are you?" They asked with pleasure for the unexpected call.
Sheldon sat there frozen, his mouth opening and closing but no words escaping.
How am I? Dear Lord…I don't know. He thought in a panic, rubbing his chest automatically.
"Sheldon?" Came a concerned voice, snapping Sheldon out of his oblivion.
Sheldon suddenly looked into the kind, loving eyes of Harvey Watson, finally allowed himself to remove the mask that he had worn all day in hiding his pain and confusion.
After the showdown with Amy's father today, Sheldon found that he needed his own father more than ever. He tried to stifle the sob that bubbled out of him at the concern on Harvey's face, but it only made him sob harder. Yet knowing Harvey was there made more difference than he could have realized. Maybe he had made a mistake today in confronting Adam Fowler. Maybe he had done the best thing ever. It didn't matter now, anyway. Adam had come to Caltech, forcing Sheldon's hand in trying to protect the woman that he loved. The damage was done. It was no use crying over it now.
But oh…how he cried. Deep, wrenching sobs that he couldn't control.
"Sheldon…what is it, Son?" Harvey asked gravely, knowing at once that something was terribly wrong. His eyes searched Sheldon's frantically for the reason, years of law enforcement sixth sense kicking in as comprehension dawned on the older man's face.
Son…
Hearing his real father call him that, broke the barrier around Sheldon's heart once and for all. He opened his mouth, and what came out shocked him even more than it probably did Harvey.
"Dad…I need to talk to you. Please." Sheldon cried quietly, not breaking eye contact with his father.
Sheldon noted the look of stunned pleasure on Harvey's face, but it was quickly overridden by his obvious concern for his boy.
"Anything, Son. Tell me." Harvey implored, and Sheldon knew at that moment that everything would be alright.
Sleep would be a long time coming that night for Sheldon.
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"Let me guess…you're having lunch at Spago and then you're off to some salon with one fancy name for a mani and pedi."
Drew growled down the line at Amy playfully.
"Well, Spago is a Hollywood landmark, after all. And it's not a salon with one name. It's Guiseppe Franco. Two names." Drew said sheepishly.
Amy barked out a hearty laugh.
"You poser!" Amy yelled, a loud snort escaping her nose and causing Drew to move the phone away from his ear and stare at it.
"Geez…what the hell was that? Did an elephant just blow its trunk in your lab? I know you've got monkeys in there, girl. But elephants?" He snarked, smiling at having been caught out by Amy so well. He could get nothing past that girl.
Amy clucked her tongue, shaking her head on the other end of the line.
"Ah hah! I might have known. You're in Hollywood two days, and I already have to make an appointment to see you. Fancy lunches, shopping on Rodeo Drive…Next thing I know, you'll be putting me on the no call list. I'll ring you up, and some anonymous voice on the line will give me the stock answer that 'You're in a meeting and can't be disturbed. It's the beginning of the end. I just know it.'" Amy said in mock annoyance.
Drew chuckled warmly.
"Never, Ames. I promise. But cut a man some slack. I just arrived from the East Coast, and I'm pale as milk. I need to fit in just a little bit, right? Just a little spray tan, I promise." Drew begged, and Amy laughed.
"Oh, brother. Whatever, Prince. But if I show up tomorrow and you've waxed your chest hair off, I will lose all respect for you." She warned.
Drew winced at the prospect of some large Danish woman dropping hot wax all over his body and ripping it off.
"I promise, no waxing. I don't have much hair anyway." Drew confirmed, grinning broadly at the waitress who came by to drop his check off. She gazed at him with a dazzling smile for a second too long, and Drew felt bad at once that the he must have gotten the poor girl's hopes up. It was confirmed when she returned with his credit card, and a tiny note that had her name and phone number.
"My waitress just tried to pick me up." He whispered into the phone, his voice sounding scandalized.
Amy laughed, popping a mini rice cake into her mouth.
"Oh, yeah? Blond or Brunette?" Amy asked with interest.
Drew waited until said waitress was out of earshot before whispering into the phone discreetly.
"Neither. Lavender." He said, the concept alien to him.
Amy presumed that there weren't too many women running around Boston sporting lavender hair. Welcome to L.A.
"Ooh…what does she look like?" Amy urged, smiling at the fact she knew Drew was growing embarrassed.
"Ames…" He warned, rising from the table and pocketing his wallet. He made eye contact with the waitress on his way out, smiling politely. He felt even worse when the girl blushed.
"Come on, you know that you love it. If you thought Boston was bad, then you'd better prepare yourself. You are too fine for your own good, Drew. You are going to be breaking hearts all over Los Angeles." Amy said wistfully, knowing that some poor girl was going to fall madly in love with her best friend, and get her heart broken when she realized that he was gay.
"Hey, I can't help it. Good genes, I guess. Speaking of heartbreakers, is Sheldon coming with you tomorrow?" He asked, handing the valet his ticket.
Amy smirked at the idea of Sheldon as a heartbreaker.
"Yes. I can't wait to see your house! Sheldon said that it's amazing. The girls are so excited to come by next weekend. Penny wanted to know if she can use your pool." Amy said, giggling.
Drew thanked the valet, handing him a generous tip. He settled in, placing the phone on hands free.
"Of course she can. But the Pacific Ocean is ten feet from my door." Drew laughed, pulling into traffic.
Amy shrugged, although Drew couldn't see.
"Meh. I guess there is just something about a pool. Did you want to barbecue, or are we going to have it catered by some fancy restaurant that the Kardashians frequent, complete with rent a crowd? Have you booked Kanye to perform?" Amy asked sickly sweetly.
Drew chuckled in exasperation.
"Give it a rest, Ames. Or I'll show Sheldon those pictures from your sophomore year when you tried to give yourself that Lilt home perm. You remember the one? That bore a striking resemblance to little Orphan Annie?" He warned.
Amy gasped, clutching her chest and sitting up in her chair at once.
"You. Wouldn't. Dare." Amy said lowly, shocked that he would even save those wretched pictures. Then again, it made sense.
Collateral. No matter how close, friends always kept those kind of things.
"Oh, yeah. Not only would I, but I would have it blown up into a 16x20 poster for him to put on the back of his office door at Caltech." Drew said, unable to control his laughter.
After a moment of calming down, Amy began to giggle hysterically.
"Okay. Truce. For now." She whispered, so happy that Drew was actually here in the same city as her.
"Truce." Drew agreed, his thoughts mirroring the same thing.
"So, are you settling in alright? How do you like the West Coast so far?" She asked conversationally, popping another rice cake.
Drew looked around him at the passing scenery, smiling.
"I love it. It's very fast paced, but laid back. Boston is so…" He trailed off, trying to find the right word that described their hometown.
"Stuffy?" Amy supplied sarcastically.
"Bingo. Hey, Beantown is a great place. But I'm tired of the restrictions of high society on the Cape. If I had to endure another 'Season' with my parent's, I would have cut out my own brain and mailed it to you to research. I was so ready for a change, Ames." He confided, knowing that he could tell Amy anything and she would never judge him.
Amy smiled widely, feeling tears forming in her eyes.
"I'm so happy that you're here, Drew. It will be like old times again." Amy said warmly.
Drew smiled, shaking his head.
"Well, yeah. But with one big exception. You have a boyfriend now. One that you live with. You're in love…I'm just the third wheel now," Drew said dramatically. But Amy could hear the kernel of truth in his words, and the underlying hurt.
Rising to close her office door, she paced the small area slowly.
"Hey… you know that no matter what, no one can take your place in my heart. Right?" Amy questioned, hoping that her radar was off and that Drew was not feeling dismissed because she was now in a relationship.
True to form as he always did, Drew calmed her fears at once.
"Of course I do, Sweetheart. Listen, you and Sheldon…it's a beautiful thing. The sweetest thing I've ever seen, actually. I'm happier for you than I could be for anyone, besides myself. You deserve it, Ames. Truly. I guess I'm just feeling a bit lonely these days. It's been a long time since anyone treated me the way that Sheldon treats you." Drew said sincerely.
Amy smiled sadly on behalf of her best friend.
"I know, Drew. I know. But your day is coming. Trust me. You are the best catch I know. Any guy would be lucky to have you in his life. Just have patience, okay?" Amy asked him seriously.
Drew sighed, his heart full.
"Okay, Ames. I've got to go. I'm meeting with the Studio exec's in twenty minutes."
Amy smiled.
"Okay. See you tomorrow. Be prepared for a shock. I'm going to hug you so tightly that the spray tan you're getting slides right off." She promised, happy when she heard him laugh.
"Bye, Sweets." He said softly, disconnecting the call.
Amy followed suit, smiling at her now silent phone.
"Bye." She whispered aloud.
A loud knock at her door startled her, and Amy jumped nearly a foot. Laughing at herself, she swung open the door and saw one of her Grad students on the other side.
"Everything is ready in the lab, Dr. Fowler." The girl said, smiling politely at her Professor.
Amy set her phone down on her desk, following the girl out of the office.
"Thank you, Karen."
Amy sighed, knowing that what she told Drew was true. She couldn't wait to see him tomorrow.
Turning off her office light, she returned to her lab.
And to work.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sheldon had spent most of the night awake, tossing and turning restlessly after his conversation with Harvey. His father had listened intently to Sheldon's tale, his face paling at the turn of events where Drew was concerned.
"Don't wait until Saturday, Sheldon. Tell her tomorrow, after work. The sooner, the better. She needs to know, Son. Don't let another Sun go down with that between you." Harvey had advised him, and Sheldon knew that he was right.
"Okay." He had whispered, grateful for his father's advice. "I'm scared. What if…what if she is so upset that I can't console her? What if she leaves? Dear Lord…what if…what if she wants me to leave?" He had asked fearfully, unable to imagine being apart from her for even a day.
He knew that Harvey was worried for both of them, by the serious look in the man's eyes.
"Sheldon…if that happens, then you need to respect her wishes. Allow her to cool down. What you're dropping on her will be a bombshell. I know that you're scared. But first and foremost, your concern is Amy. Her feelings. Remember that, Son. Promise me." Harvey had implored, his gaze stern.
Sheldon had felt as though he were standing on the edge of a cliff without a net. Nevertheless, Harvey was right.
"I promise." He had whispered. "Amy first."
Amy had left the house early, as she had promised Penny to meet her for yoga before work. Because he was exhausted, Sheldon ended up oversleeping. Dragging himself into work at nearly ten am, he made a beeline to the cafeteria for a take away cup of tea where he spotted Leonard and Raj seated at one of their usual tables enjoying a cup of coffee. Raj's back was to Sheldon, but Leonard made eye contact with him and looked at his watch, noting the late hour. Sheldon shrugged, offering Leonard a wan smile before heading to his office where he spent the rest of the morning trying to work on some equations.
At twelve thirty, Sheldon's assistant Alex rang Sheldon's direct line, and he rolled his eyes in annoyance at the interruption. He was never going to get any work done to make up for taking yesterday off at this rate.
Stepping over to his desk, Sheldon hit the intercom button on his phone clumsily.
"Yes?" He asked Alex, trying not to sound short with her. He stepped back over to his board, tapping his marker against the surface.
"Sorry for the interruption Dr. Cooper, but you have an urgent call on line 202. It's a Dr. Fowler." She said briskly.
Sheldon wondered why Amy was calling him on the University line rather than his cell, but figured she must be in her lab and unable to have her phone with her.
"That's alright, Alex. She is never an interruption. I'll take her call." Sheldon said.
Alex cleared her throat.
"Um…Dr. Cooper, it's a he, Sir. Not a she." Alex stated.
Sheldon nearly twisted his neck off as he turned quickly, understanding dawning.
Dr. Fowler…Adam Fowler? He was calling him?
"O-Okay. Thank you, Alex." Sheldon answered as evenly as he could, sitting down at his desk and taking a deep breath. He stared at the landline with the blinking light for nearly thirty seconds before picking up the receiver.
"Hello? Dr. Sheldon Cooper speaking." He said quietly, his heart pounding so loudly that he could hear it.
"Dr. Cooper, this is Adam Fowler." The voice on the other end of the line stated softly.
Sheldon licked his dry lips, trying to get his breathing under control.
"I didn't expect you to call me. At least, not so soon." Sheldon admitted.
Adam made a sound in agreement.
"To be honest, Dr. Cooper…I didn't either. I spent the entire time since you left my office yesterday mulling over what happened. And…I called you today because I felt the need to apologize to you. I'm very sorry about yesterday, Dr. Cooper. I realize what a shock I must have given you. And…I've put you in a delicate position regarding my daughter. I realize that I am asking too much, but…do you have some time this afternoon to meet with me again? I'm in the area and I would like to speak with you." Adam asked politely, his voice sounding sincere.
Sheldon panicked at once, rising from his chair so fast that he felt dizzy.
"You're in the area? Do not come here to Caltech." Sheldon thundered as he tottered on shaky limbs.
Adam rushed to reassure him.
"No, no. I promised you, I would not do that to Amanda. I meant, that I am simply in Pasadena. I'm at Lacy Park, not far from your University. Could you meet me there? Please? There are some things that I think you should know." He said with seriousness.
Sighing heavily, Sheldon pulled up his schedule on his laptop noting with relief that he had nothing pressing scheduled this afternoon that couldn't be rearranged.
"Yes. I will meet you. I can get away for about an hour between one and two." Sheldon said.
He couldn't be sure, but he swore that he heard a sigh of relief from the other end of the line.
"Thank you, Dr. Cooper. I'll be waiting by the fountain in the park." Adam said, before disconnecting the call.
The line went dead, and Sheldon sat there for at least five minutes staring at the phone. Clicking on the intercom, Alex answered her boss at once.
"Yes, Dr. Cooper?"
"Alex, I have to go off Campus for a while to run an errand. Please forward any messages to my voicemail." He said, rising and collecting his jacket.
"Alright, Dr. Cooper." Alex answered in a professional tone, disconnecting.
Sheldon glanced at his watch on his way down the hall, noting that it was nearly one pm. The guys would be meeting in the cafeteria for lunch any minute, and he knew Leonard would be worried when he didn't show up. He pulled out his cell phone, firing off a quick text to his best friend.
Something important came up. Won't be having lunch with you and the guys today. If they ask, tell them I had to run an errand.
Sheldon hit send, receiving a reply from Leonard as soon as he made it to his car.
No problem. Are you alright? Leonard asked, and Sheldon knew that his friend was concerned for him. He latched his seatbelt, texting him back before he started the car.
I'm fine. I just need to clear up some things. Thank you, Leonard. For everything.
Leonard replied right away, his words making Sheldon smile.
You're welcome, Buddy.
On his way out of the faculty parking lot, Sheldon passed by Amy's car. A sharp pain pierced his chest as thought of her in her lab right now, oblivious to the fact that her boyfriend was secretly meeting her long lost father at a park across town. He hoped with everything inside of him that he was doing the right thing.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The days were turning cooler now that autumn had arrived; the trees lining the park fired shades of orange and red amidst the last of the summer green. Sheldon parked his car and got out, his eyes scanning the area for Adam Fowler as he simultaneously threw on his jacket. A few young preschool children were playing on the plastic gym equipment while their mother's chatted close by on a bench, but otherwise the park was deserted. It was the middle of a work and school day, after all.
Sheldon made his way to the fountain where Adam Fowler stated he'd be, spying the man at once. He was sitting on a bench facing the water, his back to Sheldon.
"You can do this. Amy first," Sheldon said aloud, before walking over to him with measured steps.
Upon reaching the bench, Sheldon stared down at him a moment before sitting down beside him, keeping a respectable distance. He knew that Adam sensed his presence, but the man continued to stare straight ahead.
"I'm here, like you requested. What did you have to see me about?" Sheldon asked the man, trying to remain indifferent.
Adam looked over and met Sheldon's gaze, and the Physicist was shocked to see that the older man's eyes were red and tired; the telltale puffiness signaling recent crying. He made no mention of it, too drained himself from a night of grief to worry about Adam's.
"Thank you for coming, Dr. Cooper." Adam said thankfully, as though he doubted the man would actually show up.
Sheldon nodded sharply in reply.
Adam continued staring at Sheldon, unnerving him. He realized that it was because Amy had Adam's eyes, in just a different hue. While Adam's were icy blue, Amy's were jade green. The guilt that he'd been feeling since yesterday came back to the surface. Just when it began to grow uncomfortable and Sheldon opened his mouth, Adam spoke.
"I wanted to tell you that I was very impressed by you yesterday, Dr. Cooper. The way you faced up to me, not knowing what kind of a man I was…not caring, either…it was very brave. You didn't back down from telling me exactly what you thought of me. I realized that you must love Amanda very deeply to do such a thing. You have loved her far greater than I ever have." Adam said with admiration.
Sheldon's eyes widened.
"I do love her. And therefore…I don't like keeping things from her." He affirmed passionately.
Adam nodded, turning his head to look straight ahead again.
"I went home last night and read up about you. You are a fascinating individual, to say the least. 2 PhD's by the time you were 20? A measured IQ of 187? On the fast track to win a Nobel Prize in Physics, and you're not even forty yet. Most impressive. My brilliant daughter has certainly found her equal in you." Adam said, a strange tone of pride in his voice for a man he'd just met.
"Thank you." Sheldon said tightly, feeling uncomfortable for even accepting an accolade from this man. "But you should know something. Amy has no equal. She is…exceptional. If there is a lucky one in our relationship, it is I."
Sheldon's words and tone made Adam smile serenely.
"So you are…" Adam agreed softly, trailing off.
Sheldon studied the man carefully.
"Dr. Fowler…why did you call me? Surely, it wasn't only to praise me or my accomplishments. The day goes on. So why did you summon me here?" Sheldon asked quietly, crossing his legs.
Adam smiled faintly, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.
"No, you're right. I didn't call you for that, impressed as I am. The truth is, Dr. Cooper…I have decided that I would like to contact Amy this weekend. I wanted you to know. I do not want to jeopardize your relationship with my daughter because I am a coward. I made this bed. There is room in it only for one. I won't have you blamed, however inadvertently, for my folly. The sins of the father are revisited upon the son…but in this case, I won't allow that to happen." Adam said sincerely.
Sheldon released a gush of air, relieved and pleased that Adam was going to do the right thing by his daughter. And hopefully, soon, his son.
"I…I think that is for the best. Thank you, for not allowing this to continue. You are doing the right thing." Sheldon said quietly.
Adam made a noise which sounded like a grunt of agreement.
Sheldon looked over at him curiously.
"How will you contact her? Do you…do you have her number?" Sheldon asked worriedly.
Adam nodded his head.
"I do," Adam said woodenly, his gaze shifting from the fountain to the sky as he watched a flock of birds fly overhead.
Sheldon didn't want to know how he had her number, or for how long. He watched Adam, a million questions filtering through his mind. His judgment told him to leave now; after all, he'd done as the man had asked and come here. He got what he wanted; confirmation that Adam was going to follow through and apologize to Amy.
So why wasn't he leaving?
They sat there silently as the sun drifted in and out behind the clouds, time ticking onward. A thought occurred to Sheldon suddenly, and he turned towards Adam to catch his attention.
"Would you do something for me?" Sheldon asked the man quietly.
Adam met his gaze again, his blue eyes widening in question.
"Of course." The man said.
Sheldon fidgeted a moment, trying to frame his question without seeming intrusive.
"Would you tell me about her? Amy's mother, I mean. What was she like?" Sheldon asked quietly and with genuine curiosity.
Adam smiled, his lower lip trembling as he obviously conjured her up in his mind.
"She was like sunshine, Dr. Cooper. Everything that she touched turned to gold." He said reverently.
Sheldon tilted his head, shocked at how much love still filled the man's voice.
"Forgive me for asking you this, but…how could you have had an affair with another woman? It's obvious how much you adored Lily." Sheldon asked seriously.
Adam winced, not expecting such a personal question. He turned away from Sheldon's piercing stare, unable to withstand the scrutiny.
"The only answer that I can offer you, Dr. Cooper, is that I was a fool. It was about loneliness. Pain. Lesser beings do stupid things when they're in pain. Terrible, stupid things…Things that can change the course of your life, if you're not careful." He lamented, his eyes filling with tears.
Sheldon swallowed thickly, his saliva feeling like cement in his throat. He couldn't imagine ever doing such a thing to Amy, no matter how much pain he was in.
"How did you meet Lily?" Sheldon asked gently.
Adam discreetly dabbed at his eyes.
"When I was at University, a few of my friends and I decided to go to Edinburgh for the weekend for the annual music festival. It was that night that I met her. I had arrived late and there were no free seats on the lawn. All of my friends had abandoned me to sit with some girls they'd met. I was standing by the stage, looking entirely out of place and feeling more so. I was very shy, you see, and not very good with the opposite sex. That's when I saw her…" He said dreamily, his blue eyes closing.
Sheldon tilted his head, intrigued.
"She was staring right at me, a soft smile adorning her lips. She looked so incredibly kind…an old soul. I'd seen beautiful before, but she was different. Soft. Feminine. At that time during the so called 'sexual revolution', woman dressed differently. They were experimenting with baring more skin. But not Lily. I could tell immediately that she was very much a lady. She had blond hair, perfect skin. A pleasing figure; not too thin. I never liked stick figure girls." Adam joked quietly, his eyes twinkling as he conjured up Lily's memory.
Sheldon felt a jolt as he remembered thinking the same thing upon seeing Amy; how her figure was lusciously full and feminine. Living in California, where it was crucial to look like a model at all times, it was refreshing to see a real, honest woman with nothing to hide and eating chicken wings and beer whenever the mood struck. It was her simple, elegant beauty that had attracted Sheldon, second only to her amazing heart.
Adam continued, his memory reaching far back into the past.
"She waved me over, and it took a moment to catch on that she was addressing me. When I reached her, she explained that he friend had stood her up to sit with some boy she'd just met. I didn't know it at the time, but it was my friend John. I looked into her eyes, and felt my tongue tie into knots. She was absolutely gorgeous, radiating an inner glow that simply captivated me. Fresh faced, happy…with a smile full of secrets and character. Eyes so blue you could drown in them. She was a senior at the University of Edinburgh, majoring in English Literature. We spent the entire night talking. By the time the concert was over, I knew that I was in love with her. I had excused myself to go to the restroom, when I stumbled across my friends. They dragged me away from her because they wanted to go to the nearest pub before heading back to our Inn. I lost her in the crowd, unable to locate her no matter how hard I searched. I spent the night wondering how I could have been so stupid, letting her go. I went back to Cambridge, always regretting that I hadn't kissed her goodbye. I wondered, would I ever see her again?" He said, his voice sounding pained.
Sheldon caught his breath, remembering that day in January when Amy left the cottage and Sheldon had wondered if they would ever be able to recapture what they had found there. He knew exactly the feeling of helplessness that Adam spoke, his heart softening minutely for the older man.
"What happened?" Sheldon asked anxiously.
Adam sighed, pursing his lips.
"I spent the next six months before graduation miserable. I hadn't even gotten her phone number. Back in those days, there were no cell phones. No email addresses. It occurred to me that I hadn't even gotten her last name, as we were too excited talking about music, literature, life…superficial but important details such as surnames didn't come up. I had no way to find her. I knew no one that I'd been with had even seen her. I made a trip back to Edinburgh on my next holiday break, with the hopes of finding her. The college would not give me any information about any student named Lily. My trip was for naught. I was resigned that I had met an Angel. One too good for me, anyway. It was best to move on and focus on my career. I had just begun a residency with King's College Hospital in London. A year later, I was browsing for music at Harlequin Records. A woman walked past me as I was flipping through LP's distractedly. I looked up…and there she was. I took one look at her and knew…I had been granted a miracle." Adam said with a deep pain in his voice.
Sheldon couldn't hide his shock at the twist of fate.
"Where did she come from? How did she find you?" He asked, in awe.
Adam smiled softly.
"Women are very industrious creatures, Dr. Cooper. My friend's hadn't seen her, as they were too drunk and wrapped up in the ladies they'd met that night. But those ladies…they knew Lily from school. She often talked about me to them, and one of them remembered one of my friend's had a friend who fit my description. She had felt the same way about me as I had about her; searching for me, resigned that we'd never meet again. My friend John told her my last name, and that I was now a doctor at King's. She came to London to find me. The rest, as we say, is history." He whispered.
"Remarkable," Sheldon commented, his gaze drifting as he imagined that reunion. "What was she like, back then?"
Adam's smile died as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.
"I carry this picture with me, and have for the last thirty years. This picture was taken when we found out Lily was pregnant with Amanda." He said gently, unearthing a picture of Lily as a young woman.
Sheldon took the picture out of Adam's hand with his own trembling one, meeting the visage of the woman who gave birth to the woman that he loved with his entire soul. Tears filled his eyes as he took in the joy on her face; the absolute serenity of a glow that only a pregnant woman could possess.
"She was very beautiful. Amy looks so much like her here," Sheldon whispered to himself.
Adam looked away.
"I know she does." He stated, his voice sounding haunted.
Sheldon looked over at the older man, seeing the tears in his eyes. Seeing Amy on Wednesday must not have been easy for him.
"Other than in pictures, when was the last time that you saw Amy?" Sheldon asked quietly.
Adam's face twisted up in grief.
"Ten years ago, when she graduated. I came to Harvard, but sat where she couldn't see me. Nor the Prince's." Adam rasped.
Sheldon's mouth fell open.
"You were there…but you didn't tell her?" Sheldon whispered sadly.
Adam offered Sheldon a contrite smile.
"I was so very proud of her. Lily would be so very proud of her. I wanted to be there, more than anything. " Adam said brokenly.
The mention of Lily's name prompted a reaction from Sheldon.
"Why did you not allow Amy to know the memory of her mother? Why did you keep her pictures hidden from her, and the fact that she was such a highly regarded and published author?" Sheldon asked, a hardness to his tone.
Adam sighed thickly.
"I couldn't display her pictures in the house. Each time I looked at them, I wanted to cry. Guilt, shame, devastation…it was selfish of me to keep them from Amanda. I knew if she had them, she'd display them. And then she would start asking questions that I was unprepared for. Plain and simple, I was a coward, Dr. Cooper. I hate myself for what I've done. I can't erase thirty-two years of pain for Amanda. Nothing I could ever do or say will be adequate enough to atone for that." Adam murmured.
Sheldon's face grew stony at the man's presumptions.
"You'd be surprised what you daughter is capable of. She is the warmest, kindest soul that I've ever met. You never gave her the chance to express that, or showed her the courtesy of being honest with her. I saw it in her eyes the minute ours met. I was terrified of her; I'd never been faced with such goodness before. She helped me through something horrible that I never thought I would live through without permanent damage. She would have understood. You just didn't give her any credit." Sheldon said angrily.
Adam gulped, feeling thoroughly chastised. He met Sheldon's eyes, seeing nothing but fire there. Fire, of love and protection for the woman that he loved.
"How did you meet Amanda?" Adam asked softly. "I know that it was before she moved to Pasadena, but you didn't meet her in Boston." He stated confidently.
Sheldon turned his head, staring straight ahead at the flowing water spewing from the fountain.
"We met over last Christmas, in Galveston Texas. She rented my family's cottage on Clear Lake for the holidays on her way out here to California. My sister rented it to her, but failed to tell me. I was there myself for the holidays, and we ended up having to share the cottage…with her Great Dane. When we met, I was going through a great personal struggle. I shut her out and didn't want her companionship. But as the days wore on, I couldn't help but let her in. Before I even realized what was happening, I was falling in love. It was very frightening. I'd never been in love before. Yet it was…" Sheldon trailed off.
"Magical." Adam stated knowingly.
"Yes. Magical." Sheldon agreed, thinking back to how hard he had fought his growing feelings for the beautiful Neuroscientist. "I knew I loved her by New Years. And there was nothing that I could do but let the tide take me under. It's like I was drowning. Yet dying had never felt so sweet." Sheldon murmured.
Silent tears tracked down Adams face at Sheldon's memory, and he wiped them away hastily.
"That's beautiful, Dr. Cooper." He whispered, more regretful than ever that he had missed so many years with his little girl. "Would you tell me…what is she like now?"
Sheldon blinked lazily at the man, realizing that he had the power to crush this man with a simple refusal. He found suddenly that he didn't want to do that.
"She's…like fresh air. I can't explain it properly. She's brilliant. More brilliant that I am. And no one is more brilliant than I. She's funny. And sweet. And warm hearted. She wins at every game she plays…she enchants everyone that she meets. I feel sorry for you, Dr. Fowler. You gave up the chance to have such a special woman in your life." Sheldon said sadly.
Adam rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly.
"I used to watch her tinker with the grand piano that we had. She tried so hard to learn how to play. She could dissect a brain at twelve, yet playing chopsticks stumped her." Adam said fondly.
Sheldon narrowed his eyes at the man, saddened by the fact that he didn't know that Amy was now an accomplished pianist and a lovely singer.
"Drew taught her how to play in college. You know that he is a playwright and a musician, right?" Sheldon asked quietly.
At the mention of Drew's name, Adam closed his eyes.
"Andrew…He always did love his little Amy. I'm more than pleased that somehow, someway…they found their way to each other." Adam whispered.
Sheldon scratched his neck, just having to know.
"Drew's mother…was it all about sex with her? Or did you love her too?" Sheldon asked apprehensively.
Adam rose from the bench, pacing back and forth in front of the fountain.
"Dr. Cooper…it was neither about sex, nor love. I cared for Constance, as a friend. She was a good woman. We never expected to find ourselves in bed. It was more about comfort. Someone to listen to you. Edward was neglecting Constance; choosing instead to focus on his business. She became a trophy wife for him, and it saddened her. He was terribly dismissive to her back then, treating her as a possession and not a woman. I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for myself, as well. Lily and I had stopped talking to each other. I was so lost. I wanted to keep her under glass; protect her. But she didn't want or need my protection after her miscarriage. She wanted to grieve alone. She shut me out, and it stung. A woman who has just lost a child is a force to be reckoned with. So much pent up rage and sadness…I felt impotent in how to help her through her grief. I thought that we were soulmates. I still do. But even soulmates are capable of hurting one another." Adam said, his tone devastated.
Sheldon caught his breath, shaking his head.
"I don't think that I could ever look at another woman the way that I look at Amy. It's unfathomable to me." Sheldon admitted passionately.
Adam smiled faintly at Sheldon's gentlemanly qualities.
"You are a much finer man than I, Dr. Cooper. Amy is lucky indeed to have you. I loved my wife, and still do. Not a day passes that I don't regret my actions. In my defense, I was grieving and not in my right mind. I had lost my child, and my wife was pulling away from me. Each day, drifting farther away. I feared she blamed me. I felt helpless. She meant everything to me. My actions were deplorable but please…don't judge me too harshly. I have sinned. But I am only human." He whispered.
Sheldon didn't want to admit that the man seemed very sincere, nor that his love for Amy was true. He'd wanted to hate him, but found that he just couldn't. He was a Scientist, and as such, knew that the human psyche was a fragile thing.
"I'm not judging you, Dr. Fowler. I have no experience with women other than Amy to tell you how you should have handled the situation. But having been…with Amy…I could never do such things with another woman."
Adam smiled gratefully.
"Because you are a gentleman. I was a gentleman once, myself." Adam said gently.
Sheldon also rose from the bench to stand before Dr. Fowler.
"I think…I think that you are still a gentleman, Dr. Fowler. Yet I can't reconcile your behavior all of these years with how you appear to me now. Which leaves me only two options: either you're lying to me and I'm too naïve to see through your act, or you are a good man who let grief overrule his good judgment." Sheldon said practically.
Adam looked up and met Sheldon's penetrating gaze.
"And…what does your heart tell you that I am?" Adam asked fearfully.
Sheldon sighed deeply.
"My heart…well, my heart tells me that you made a mistake. A huge, terrible mistake. But if you are truly sorry, then you deserve forgiveness. I can't help you with what you must do next. That road is for you and you alone to travel. You changed the course of two lives with your actions, and it is up to you to make it right. But I will tell you this…Amy loves you. I know that she does. She never discusses you, and I presume it's not because she hates you, but because she is afraid to entertain the truth that you hate her. She keeps her feelings for you hidden and secure where no one can touch them. In her mind, she took your wife away. She was the reason Lily is gone. And she will believe that until she hears otherwise from you." Sheldon said gravely.
The sobs which Adam had kept at bay tumbled out, the older man breaking down in remorse. Sheldon watched his grief spill out of every end of him, feeling helpless as he watched him cry.
"Quite…quite the opposite. I couldn't save Lily. I couldn't save her, for our baby. My baby. My Amanda is blameless. And I've allowed her to believe that she was to blame her entire life. God, what have I done?" Adam cried, his face buried in his hands.
Sheldon thought back to George Cooper. When he found out about Mary's affair with Harvey, it must have devastated him. For although he himself had had numerous affairs over the years, there was one variable that stood out: he hadn't loved any of them.
Mary loved Harvey, and had from the start. George couldn't compete with that, and he most likely knew it. Sheldon wondered if learning the truth has superseded his death. Perhaps the stress of knowing that his wife loved another and two of her children were not his had caused his heart even greater stress. Until that moment, Sheldon hadn't ever wondered if Mary felt guilty worrying that she had caused George's death.
Emotions. Feelings. Mistakes…so this was what happened when you fell in love. Your mind turned to tatters and your judgment clouded by hormones. Sheldon made a decision then and there never to go down the same road as any of them.
"Dr. Fowler…I think that if you are truly sorry, Amy will forgive you. She needs a father. She needs you."
Adam looked at Sheldon with a tearstained face.
"And Drew? How do I make up for that? I can't very well be a father to him. He already has one." Adam sobbed.
Sheldon nodded somberly.
"Yes... But you can come clean and own up to the fact that you made a mistake. If nothing else, I think it will make both Amy and Drew very happy to know the truth, that they are siblings. They adore one another. And…it would give them closure." Sheldon advised sagely.
Adam nodded slowly.
"I am grateful that Amy has you, Dr. Cooper. It's clear as day how much you love her." Adam said thankfully.
Sheldon smiled tremulously.
"I do love your daughter. More than my own life. That is why…I want to help you." Sheldon whispered, shocking them both.
Adam lost his breath as he gazed into Sheldon's guarded eyes.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you being so kind to me, after what I've done?" Adam asked in shock, his tears trailing down his pale cheeks.
Sheldon stared down at this pitiful shell of a man, who had lost everything he had ever held dear. He could have hurled accusations his way, belittled him; made him feel like the sinner that he was. But he chose not to. For one reason, and one alone.
Mercy.
Sheldon reflected that he had nearly lost his soul once, as questionable as it was. Hatred for his childhood bullies, his abusive father, and the myriad of fears that had choked him since childhood nearly rendering him catatonic. But he was shown grace, where none was deserved. He was shown kindness, where none was earned. He was shown love, by a woman that changed his life with her goodness and purity and asked him for nothing in return.
Sighing thickly, Sheldon looked deeply into the eyes of the man responsible for his immense happiness.
Amy.
Answering Adam's question, Sheldon spoke softly.
"Because once upon a time…I was in your shoes – Alone. Afraid. Helpless. Knocked off of my pillar of self-importance by my own arrogance. At a crossroads in my life and I had no idea which direction to head. An Angel in disguise also came to me, in the form of your daughter. She showed me how much forgiveness meant to the one who was wronged. How…when you hold onto hatred and animosity, it only poisons your own soul. She taught me how to love, choosing to love even though all you taught her was that people leave. If I can do one thing in this life, bigger than winning a Nobel Prize or having towns named after me…it's reuniting the woman that I love with her father. She deserves that much, and so much more. I think…we both owe that to her." Sheldon said, his voice strong and sure.
Adam sobbed quietly.
He had promised himself yesterday that he wouldn't offer Dr. Fowler absolution. It wasn't his place to that so, anyway. But the one thing that he could offer him, was hope.
"I read something once…my mother is very religious, being from East Texas and all. I myself am not. But as my early years were shaped by the Christian Bible, a thing or two gets remembered. That, and the fact I have an eidetic memory." Sheldon said, tapping his temple.
Adam was riveted to Sheldon's words, his eyes not blinking as he gazed at the brilliant man who had obviously captured Amy's heart.
"And…what was it that you read?" Adam asked gently, truly curious.
Sheldon smiled sadly. He wished more than anything that he could have had a chance to face George Sr. as a man, on equal ground. He'd never know the outcome of that meeting, but it didn't matter. He made a promise to himself to never dwell on that again from this day forward. It was time for the past to die. It was gone; its footprint now forever a part of eternity. What remained ahead was an empty slate. He knew that it was his choice as to what was written there.
"It's not actually from the Bible, but from The Merchant of Venice. Although in retrospect, I remember it said quite a bit in Sunday school as an example…The quality of mercy is not strained. Whatever happens with your daughter…and your son…you will have done your best. Asking forgiveness is the first step. I wish…I wish that I were given that option once. Perhaps, I would have even said yes." Sheldon whispered, running a hand through his hair.
Adam gazed at Sheldon with new eyes, realizing that he must have endured something just as horrible once. He felt instant compassion for the young man, automatically reaching out a hand to touch Sheldon's shoulder. Sheldon moved out of reach by reflex, causing Adam to frown.
"I will talk to Amy tonight. I think that it should come from me, anyway. Then, it's up to you. Be the man that I hope you are. And don't ever hurt my Amy again." Sheldon whispered huskily, turning quickly to leave.
Adam watched him go, a lead weight in his chest where his heart sat.
The sun hung low in the sky before Adam left the bench by the fountain, making his way back to his lonely home.
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Amy arrived home that evening, yanking off her jacket and shoes before she even closed the front door. She made her way through the house, noticing with a start that Sheldon was sitting on the couch with his hands folded in his lap.
"Oh! You startled me. I didn't see your car. How long have you been home?" Amy asked, coming over to Sheldon and sitting on his lap.
Sheldon opened his arms, kissing Amy gently on the forehead.
"I came home early today, because I had something that I had to take care of. Leonard and Penny are borrowing my car. They took Chaucer to the dog park down the street. I didn't want their car to get full of dog hair, so I told them to take mine." Sheldon said quietly.
Amy crinkled her forehead as she stared at Sheldon, just now realizing that Chaucer wasn't home.
"Leonard and Penny took Chaucer to the dog park? As great as that is for Chaucer, what prompted that on a Friday night?" Amy asked, her voice laced with confusion.
Sheldon pulled back to gaze at Amy; the only one who had ever stolen his heart, titillated his mind, and made his body sing. She was everything in the world to him…the past, the present, and the future. She needed him now more than ever, and she didn't even know how much. Sheldon wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him possessively. Whatever happened now, whatever the outcome…he would face it like a man. He was no longer a child, and had spent the better part of a year learning how to cope with life and what it threw at you. He loved Amy more than he had ever loved anything. Of anyone in her life, he needed to prove to her that he was worthy of her. That would start by telling her the truth.
Sheldon slid his arms around Amy's hips, gently depositing her off of his lap and onto the couch beside him. Separating them was physically painful to Sheldon, but he needed to focus. Amy's face fell at once, her eyes full of questions and fear. He took her hands in his own, kissing each one in turn before gripping them tightly.
"Sheldon…what is it? What's happened?" Amy whispered, sensing at once that something was wrong.
Sheldon cupped Amy's cheek, running his fingers along her soft flesh.
Don't let go, He told himself. Never let go.
"Amy…we need to talk."
A/N – Thank you for reading.