Of Phone Calls and Emails
17th of October
(flashback)
Brendon Urie loved New York School of Arts. Half the time he wonders why on Earth Bry pushed for him to get into the school. He had talents sure (he could play every instrument known to man-kind except for the keytar, he'd leave that to the professionals) but Brendon was at least ninety percent certain that somebody else would be better suited for this scholarship. The other half of the time he was just glad he was picked. Life at New York School of Arts was different from anywhere else Brendon had been in his life. He had never had a bad life, his parents loved him – sometimes a bit too much and he always had food on the table. He was happy. Just days felt like he was missing something, something important. Then when he saw the add in the newspaper years ago he just felt complete, sort of. It was confusing kind of.
Brendon shared a room with Patrick, Travis and William. Patrick was awesome, if you didn't love Patrick then to Pete Wentz you were retarded ("Patrick is everything that everyone wants to be... if you can't love desire then you can go fuck yourself..."). Brendon was pretty sure that he was right. Patrick was a musical genius, one of the two in the school. The other being him. Brendon however was pushed to learn all the instruments. After taking up the piano when he was younger his parents continued to push him to learn other instruments to broaden his horizons ("Bren, we are doing this because we love you and you have talent" – so he would pick up the violin and play). Patrick learn't it because he wanted too. Music was in his blood, sometimes Brendon wish the same went for him.
William was Bill. He was excessively clean ("Brendon if you leave your clothes one more time on my bed in a pile...I will be forced to put them in Dylan's litter box"), he had legs the size of the Pacific Ocean and he was thin. Really thin, Ryan Ross thin. He made girls feel fat; Brendon presumes that's the reason why he can't get a girlfriend. He is just way too pretty, and way too thin to be dated. If he was a girl Brendon wouldn't date William. No matter how nice he is.
Then there was Travis, Travis was hardcore.
Brendon was also pretty sure that he was selling dope to Joe, because there was no way that Joe could get that much weed with the little money he has. Unless he knew Richie Rich. But Richie Rich wasn't real; at least Brendon didn't think so. Brendon's dorm always had visitors – always. Whether it was Pete visiting Patrick and dragging along some dude he met called Dirty, or Adam Siska and Mike Carden coming to see William. Gabe and Vicky T always came to see Travis and sometimes if Brendon was lucky Ryan and Spencer would come and visit him. Jon always visited. Even if he was the schools counsellor.
William said: "Your thoughts are loud Urie" making Brendon glance up from his stare at the hardwood door. William was reading another magazine with Billy on the front. William loved the smashing pumpkins, one reason because Mike Carden loves them and what Brendon had learned from New York School of Arts was when your best friend loved something, you tended to love them too.
William continued: "I should be scared about you thinking so hard, I mean if it was Smith I would be worried that he finally figured out how to get world domination, but it's you and you are probably just thinking about what colour sprinkles to put on your evening cupcake that Walker gives you..." Brendon mentally crosses out William being nice.
"No, I was being deep – thinking about life and all" Brendon said quietly thumbing at his blanket. It was times like these (when William was going through PMS) that he wished that Patrick's mom didn't have to marry that guy from Chicago and move all the way to New Jersey. Making Patrick go with her. It was times like these he wished that Gabe and Travis weren't "best friends for freaking ever" and that he hadn't gone to spend the summer up at Gabe's parent's summer house so they could worship the Cobra. (Personally Cobra's scared the shit out of Brendon.)
William shot him a surprised look: "Well don't try to be too deep. Wouldn't want you having an aneurism or something...Not all of us are lucky to have a Pete Wentz in love with them...*)
"I think it's romantic" Brendon said randomly, tucking his knees under his chin as he watched William get up and start putting some clothes in a duffel bag, eyeing the clock as he does so. Interested he followed his slow method like way of packing. Fold three times, flatten, press into bag, pat over – repeat.
William answered: "You would..." Brendon gave him a brief hurt look before covering it up with a frown,
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Brendon asked throatily hoping his voice wouldn't catch on his words. Brendon was fourteen, he had only just gotten over the cracked voice he didn't need another round of friendly teasing. No matter how friendly it was it always hurt.
William turned and leant against the cabinet: "nothing..." he said after a staring match. He went back to his duffel bag, checked it over slowly before zipping it up. The sound was annoyingly loud and Brendon had to hold himself back from covering his ears.
"Where are you going?" Brendon asked interested, over the summer not a lot of students stayed. Many went to spend time with their family and friends. Brendon was given the option this year and he chose to stay. There really was nothing for him at home that he wanted to go to. He loved his parents but he loved Brian more. Some of the students come and go during the time, Pete came to visit Patrick before he moved to New Jersey – this was where he gave him the phone.
"Well Mike..." oh, Brendon thought he was going to go and share Mike, Siska, Butcher and Joe's room. There was not a lot of kids at the school right now, him, William, Mike, Brian, Bonnie, Devon and the rest had gone home or to friends houses. Andy was still here but Andy never left. Andy – Brendon thought – was also sort of hardcore. In the vegan English teacher sort of way.
"...invited me to go to his house for a couple of days and I thought what the hell you know..." William said before looking down at his feet. Oh, Brendon thought – well that sucked. He must have said it out loud because William looked guilty, sad and angry at the same time. It was a different look on William, who could usually only hold one emotion on his face at a time. Usually at Brendon it was 'pissed off'. Brendon always got him at the wrong times ("Brendon. Go. Away. Reading. About. Smashing. Pumpkins.")
"Look I'm sorry we have to leave you alone but Mike's mom was consistent in saying only one friend. She is a single mother and she doesn't have a lot of room in the flat she owns and I'm sorry Brendon I really am but I just want to get out of here for a few days..." William rambled. Brendon stared at the wall above William's head and shrugged his shoulders half hearted.
"Don't worry, go have fun" Brendon managed to get out, even if it was slow and careful so that he wouldn't choke on anything stupid like tears of loneliness. William looked startled and his eyes flickered briefly to the door which like he magicked it up knocked. Mike poked his head through the door and waved his arms as if to hurry William on.
"Hey B" Mike said softly. Brendon had noticed while being at NYSOA that Mike talked soft when he was uncomfortable around people. Brendon did the opposite he talked loud when he was uncomfortable. Actually he talked loud a lot of time, except when he was in his room. He calmed down a lot considering. Sometimes he wondered why, he didn't let himself wonder a lot.
Brendon waved a 'hello' and Mike nodded his head thankfully. William bit at his bottom lip, cocking his hips to the side before shrugging his shoulders questionably.
"So what are you going to do now?" William said conversationally, Brendon shrugged his shoulders.
"Probably email Gerard" William smiled,
"I like Gerard; I hope he comes this year..." Mike said from behind the door, William nodded his head and Brendon couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah me too..." he whispered, William nodded his head again and adjusted his duffel bag,
"Well we've got to go Urie, see you when Term starts" William said while walking to the door. Mike opened it up wider and William stepped through, looking back once to look at Brendon again, but all he could see was Brendon's head in his knees. William hoped he wasn't crying.
To:
From:
Date: 17/11/96
Subject: alone, and bored.
Hey Gee,
I guess it's just me at the school now. It's sort of lonely; you would think that I would be parading around the school, getting to use the facilities that always seemed to be taken. I did go and use the piano, I might write a song about my loneliness (you left me/you tragic mistake/so i wrote this song/to get over you/i wish i wasn't writing the next top 100 pop song/) it could be a hit. Brian could produce it or something.
I guess school isn't the same without kids in it. I'm going to go and hunt down Bonnie and Brian hopefully they are not making out in a supply closet. I want them to one day get over themselves. But watching the sexual tension unfold is too good to be true. It is like a Spanish Opera live from Brendon Uries living room.
Your letter should be coming soon, mine came around this time. I remember I shit myself when I got it. Hopefully the same happens to you. I want to share my embarrassment with someone!
Bden Urie.
To:
From:
Date: 17/11/96
Subject: Meet me in the supply closet? Really not an innuendo!
Brendon,
I have an idea. Let me just talk it over with my mom.
And that song will be a hit; girls will be throwing their wet panties at you. Oh shit your fourteen do you even know what sex is?
Geeway.
To:
From:
Date: 17/11/96
Subject: Is 1pm OK, I will be there with my heels on? It is an innuendo!
Gee,
Tell me, I want to know. I hate surprises! Now I won't be able to sit still!
I know what sex is. I think.
Bden
21st of October 1996
11:01am
I am not ignoring the Way's house. I'm not seriously. It's just I have been busy these past few days. I'm serious Ed Jr I have. Two days ago dad finally agreed to take me back to Toni's to get my hair dyed back to its natural colour. I was so glad to get rid of the blond hair. I honestly think that the blond hair attracted Jamia to me. Because since I have dyed it blond she has not left my sight. I don't mind it, Jamia is sort of hardcore. For a chick. Not Toni hardcore but definitely hardcore.
I of course found out why she had been hanging around me. It's a secret Ed Jr so you really can't tell anyone. Not like you can talk or anything but someone could definitely read you y'know, don't want to lose Jamia also.
Jamia has a crush on Bob Bryar. Fine choice if I have to say so myself. I wouldn't pick a better husband for her, well it'd be tough if I had to pick a husband for my sister it would be between Bob, Marty (mine) and Patrick (Pete's) oh and Ray. Of Course Ray (Mikey's) and also Mikey (Ray and Alicia's) too. Anyway yes Jamia has big Frank-Iero crush on Bob Bryar.
(Frank-Iero crush consists of a lot of flailing, worshipping and sex dreams. If you have these symptoms it is possible that you have the disease. Prescribed: to continue to perv at your lover write in your very own Edgar)
Bob Bryar is awesome so I approve a lot. When they get married I will probably cry at the wedding. Anyway, I got my hair dyed back to brown and I love it. I think I might paint my room at dad's house brown just for the sake of it. Or like a total white so I can scribble shit on my walls. That would be really radical.
Don't you agree Ed Jr (you can't talk back)
Toni is still as awesome as she was last time I talked to her. Except Lyn-Z was there for the whole day. Lyn-Z is really cool. Like I know I say that a lot about people but she sat on her girlfriends lounge and played her guitar all day. Getting request from customers and making up her own shitty songs along the way (my favourite was: my girlfriend fucked my brother up the ass" it was funny).
I hope one day Gerard someone will do the same for me. I think it is sort of romantic in the gentle and subtle way. I think that's what really counts the most. Not bouquets of roses or love song declarations like in the movies i think it's the subtle things that count the most! Even though I can think of 100 girls who would cream over the chance to have a Lloyd Dobbler outside of their window.
OK Mikeyway sent me another email, guess I should check em yeah?
From:
To: frank_
Date: 21/11/96
Subject: Have you finally stopped ignoring us?
Franklin Iero
Why are you ignoring me? I called you two times yesterday.
I don't call people. I am like phone-retarded or something. Mom is starting to get worried, and well we are kind of going out to the Spanish Bull tomorrow cause a guest is coming over and mom wants you to come. Don't worry, I will hold Gerard down while you slap him manly.
M.
From: frank_
To:
Date: 21/11/96
Subject: I haven't been ignoring you I've been busy.
Are you suggesting I can't punch your brother? Are you teasing my manly hood Mikeyway? I'll have you know I could beat you in an arm wrestle match, Macstickman. When Alicia hugs you I am surprised she doesn't fall straight through.
I'll come also. I've been craving Danny Toro's pancakes. And your Ray flailing.
F.
From:
To: frank_
Date: 21/11/96
Subject: right?
Dickface
Awesome
M.
18th of October 1996
(flashback)
Brian stayed at New York School of Arts all year. It was his choice he wasn't forced too. Devon (and sometimes Bonnie would accompany him) would go to his house in some fancy place Brian would dream to live in. Andy was there all year too. Andy just didn't know how to leave places once he got comfortable. Kind of like Brian, he could have gone into anything, managing an up and coming band, owning a strip club, instead he chose to teach. Only at times does he regret doing it. Those times usually consisted of Pete Wentz trying to smuggle a dog into the school. After the fifth time (in a week) Devon made it a rule that each dorm can have one animal that stays in their room or outside nowhere else.
It was breakfast time, him, Bonnie, Andy, Devon, Jon (who had arrived that morning) and Brendon where the only ones left in the large school. Brendon sat at the table closest to the teachers table. Brian waved at him as he walked into the room. He felt sorry for the kid, Brendon of course could go home but he didn't want too and that was his choice, Brain couldn't do anything about it.
Walking up to Brendon's table and resting a hand on the boys shoulder he tugged him gently out of the seat.
"Come join me at the big kids table. Jon is making coffee and you know how good that is... you can tell him about the song you wrote yesterday" Brian said with a wink. Brendon looked down at his pile of food and got up following his slightly older teacher.
"Jon is back?" Brendon asked sitting in the drama teacher's normal spot. Brian nodded his head and picked up a slice of toast from the tray.
"Yep, wants to get in while everyone slowly ventures back y'know..." Brendon of course did not know and shrugged his shoulders in faux understanding.
"Awesome..." Brendon said licking his finger to suck off the yoke. Brian nodded his head and they continued to eat in silence. Jon and Devon walked in five minutes later and took their usual seats. In silence the utensils clanked against the table when they were settled down too hard. Brendon winced at the sound and looked up to appreciate Bonnie as she walked into the room.
Brian glanced up at the same time and smiled, Bonnie was something else. Having grown up with her pretty much, being the first of two girls in the school. Most of the boys went after her. Brian never did, he didn't know why. He appreciated the view from a far. He would rather it that way anyway. Bonnie got up next to him and sank down into her seat.
"You got an email from Gerard" Brian was pretty sure his eyes lit up because Bonnie laughed. Leaning up to him she whispered into his ear and he nodded his head briefly every few seconds. His eyes going to Brendon and then back to her. When she pulled away he smiled thoughtfully.
"And why were you going through my emails again?" Brian asked, Bonnie chuckled.
"You never asked me in the first place, but Gerard sent it to the school server as a rule I have to read it" Bonnie answered tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Brian nodded his head and turned to Brendon. Resting his head on his palms he twitched thoughtfully.
"Brendon?" he questioned more than asked. Brendon looked up from his Jon-Walker coffee and smiled Brendonshly.
"Would your parents..." Brian started slowly, pausing a little and only starting again when Bonnie nudged him harder. "Allow you to get ticket to New Jersey to see a friend?" Brian finished and then took a long gulp of his water as if he was dying for thirst.
Brendon's eyes went wide
"Holy shit I hope so" Brendon swore, Devon gave Brendon a hard look.
"Brendon" he said parentally. Jon snickered and Andy rolled his eyes.
"Jesus Dev, let the boy swear he is growing up. I like my boys to swear it is passionate. And plus it's the holidays and if Brendon doesn't learn a swear word Ryan Ross might call him a pussy..." Andy said, winking at Brendon as Bonnie burst into a round of giggles.
"Holy Fucking Shit" Brendon said louder again when Devon mumbled an okay and got up and left.
To: .
From:
Date: 18/11/96
Subject: A Non Sexual (Can I say that if you are not my teacher?) Proposition.
Brian,
Brendon Urie is lonely. Mom said it was OK that he can come to my house and then we can fly back together for the New Year. If I get in, of course. She thinks I will get in though so I trust her. Even if I don't Brendon can fly back alone. I don't know his parents number so I couldn't call them myselves. Think you or Bonnie could arrange it?
Hopefully see you in November,
Gerard.
To:
From: .
Date: 19/11/96
Subject: I will ignore the sexual comment.
Gerard,
I will work on it.
And trust me you're getting in. Just don't tell Brian and Devon I told you!
Bonnie.
1am
Fuck. Brendon Urie you make it real hard to hate you. Why oh why did Gerard have to invite you to come to his house? He wanted to put me through more misery didn't he? Asshole. I was really happy hating you, thinking you were the biggest soon-to-be-boyfriend stealing meanie on the planet. Now I can't help but hear your laugh whenever I think about you.
So. Not. Cool.
And you also had to be my size. You were shorter than Mikeyway. And if you weren't trying to steal my soon-to-be-hopefully-boyfriend I would like run away with you to Paris and we could have a dog called Sans. No San-Awesome because that's just hardcore. I want a monkey. I'd name the monkey sans-awesome and feed it bananas and skittles.
But back to the point of this entry. Why the fuck did you have to be see fucking loveable Brendon Urie. With your shortness and your laugh and how oblivious you are to Gerard's love for you. Lucky guy. At least you're as short as me.
Huh my birthday is on Halloween. I have that against you. I would trade my birthday for Gerard. I would. Maybe. It mattered if we lasted of course. Being born on fucking Halloween is like a gift from Buddha.
One thing Brendon Urie doesn't have is Marty. Marty is as awesome as Gerard. Just not as good looking. Damn it. Not that Marty is ugly, if I had never met Gerard I would probably be all over Marty right now. But then that would mean no Mikey. That's a sad thought. Life without Mikey, a tragedy.
18th of October 1996
(flashback)
Brendon hated calling his parents. He liked talking on the phone; it was fun and cheesy and always made him laugh in movies when he watched a teenager talk to his friend and they would both make funny jokes. Sadly that didn't actually have in real life. Though he hated talking to his parents, they always asked questions which was great they cared about him but the school was one part of his life and they were another. Is it selfish for him to want to keep it for himself?
The phone rang four times (like always) before picking up. His father answered (like always) his voice sounding small over this end of the line, which was surprising because his voice was so loud face to face.
"Urie Residence, Bradley speaking?" Bradley – his father – said. Brendon clutched the phone tighter and sat down on the seat next to the phone booth. The school didn't allow phones in the rooms so many nights kids stood in line to talk to their parents. Brendon never had to, he only sent emails to his parents. He hated talking on the phone to his parents. Emails were good because his parents hated using the email system. He didn't hate his parents he just wanted to keep these lives separate.
"Father?" Brendon questioned; the last time he had spoken to his dad was months ago when the term had started. It seemed like ages ago, or maybe it was his birthday? He can never really remember. It mustn't have been very important.
"Son, what a surprise to hear from you" Bradley said, Brendon could hear him adjusting the phone.
"I've called to ask you something, is Mother there?" Brendon asked, self consciously turning his head to see if anyone was down the hallway. He berated himself, of course no one was he was the only one there. He heard his father call for his mother and could hear the crackle signifying speaker phone.
"Brendon what a lovely surprise" his mother's warm voice spoke softly through the phone. Brendon instantly calmed at the sound of her voice. No matter how much he tried to deny it, his mother would always be able to calm him down. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing he will never know.
"I want to ask you something, I have a friend in New Jersey that wants me to go and visit. His mother said it was fine but she didn't know how to contact you guys and well I was wondering if I could maybe go. I would fly back before term starts and I will even pay for half of it because I seriously can't afford to pay for it all. Unless I give lessons to kids over the next school year..." Brendon rambled, his voice coming to a halt when he realised he had nothing left to say. His parents were awfully quiet and Brendon sucked in a breath.
"Mom, Dad?" Brendon asked warily, he could hear a mug being set on the table, it would have been disregarded as static if someone was talking but no one was and it was only quiet.
"Brendon..." his mother said softly, her voice was the 'slowly letting her son down' voice. Brendon really wanted to smash something. Maybe William's Smashing Pumpkins magazines.
"You know..." his mother started again before she was interrupted by her husband "you may go..." Brendon dropped the phone in surprise and watched the cord hang dumbly. He could go, he could go. This must be a dream. His father did not just say that.
"Son?" he heard from the speaker, picking it up gingerly like maybe it was a not funny prank by one of the guys. He placed it back on his ear.
"Father?" Brendon asked again. His father started speaking again.
"You can go see this friend of yours on one condition" Bradley paused for comic effect. Brendon sucked in a breath.
"If you pick up singing and drop the cello" Brendon let out the shaky breath and placed his forehead against the cold phone booth.
"Dad...I can't sing" Brendon whispered, he heard his mom whispering in the background but couldn't decipher what she was exactly saying. He sighed in frustrations.
"Yes Brendon you can. Now we will send money to Brian for the tickets once he rings me and tells me that you have dropped Cello and picked up singing. Brendon keep cello and pick up singing I don't care. But that voice was the reason I let you go to that school and Brendon sure as hell I can take you back out of it..." Bradley finished his sentence with anger. Brendon shook visibly and nodded his head. For some reason his dad saw it over the phone and laughed happily.
"Great. You will be a opera singer in no time..." his father sounded happy, Brendon couldn't help but laugh.
"Yes dad, I will get into my white dress...and wear a push up bra to enhance my breasts" Brendon heard his mom gasp and he bit down on his lip.
"Son" his father said. Brendon mumbled a sorry and loosened his grip on the phone.
"Thank you mother father, you have made my happy" he said honestly.
"Goodbye Son, and Brendon call more often..." his father said,
"I will" Brendon answered and hung up the phone. Not waiting to hear the beep on the other end. Brendon knew he lied to his father, he wasn't going to call more often. He wasn't trying to be mean he loved his parents – he just wasn't. He couldn't explain (something's are left better off unexplained.)
Brendon wishes sometimes that he can make his father smile proudly. He hoped that he was special enough for his mother to brag about him to the ladies at church. Most of the time he felt stupid for thinking that, maybe if he said 'i love you' more often he wouldn't have to think these thoughts. It sucked knowing it was his fault.
From:
To:
Date: 18/11/96
Subject: I love you. Seriously.
Gerard,
Man, thank you so much. I really don't know what to say. I can't wait to meet Ray and your parents and especially Frank he sounds awesome. And if he looks anything like the pictures Brian showed me then we could be best buddies because we are both really attractive. My parents said yes, I don't know how but they said yes. They didn't say yes to Ryan, but I guess Ryan was at Spence's anyway. Nevermind. You are awesome. And if Devon doesn't put you in me and Mike and William and possibly even Brian will have a protest with signs and glitter and everything. Because Gerard, you have taken away my boredom (and given me a chance to go in the glitter section of the art department, Brian has banned me, though I'm sure he will let me for this! Plus it was one time, it's not my fault he left his iron maiden t-shirt around and i had glitter glue and yellow love heart sparkles...)
Love,
Bden.
From:
To:
Date: 18/11/96
Subject: Glitter, You Serious.
Dude, the school has a glitter department. Mikey would love that, like you have to sneak in and bring some with you. Ask Brian or whatever because Mikey would go crazy over that shit. And Frank might even have a Frank-like orgasm over it. He loves glittery shit. Oh you have too! Please?
My mom can't wait to have you, she misses Jake and Renee (my other friends) she wanted them to move in one time...) who knows mom might even adopt you (ask and she will pull the papers out of her pockets...). You can be Bden Way. My little brother. Naw.
Gerard.
From:
To:
Date: 18/11/96
Subject: Bden Way.
Can we have treasure hunts and campfires in our back yard? And sleep out in tents at night and tell ghost stories. Please? Can we also watch cartoons on Saturday morning and fight over the comic section of the newspaper. And have bunk beds. Gee we have to have bunk beds. And I totally get top bunk. It's only fair seeming as I'm afraid of being too close to the uh floor. Yeah.
Bden.
From:
To:
Date: 18/11/96
Subject: Of course we can have all that...
Except I get the top bunk bitch.
Oldest always wins.
Night, Night.
BRENDON BOYD WAY.
From:
To: .
Date: 18/11/96
Subject: [none]
Thank you.
Gerard.
From: .
To:
Date: 19/11/96
Subject: none
Your welcome.
Bry + Bon
19th of October 1996
(flashback)
Gerard took the phone off of his mother – who didn't say anything as she walked back to the quiet table.
"Hello?" he said into the phone, he could hear silence in the background and wondered briefly how lonely it must be for Brendon up there. Luckily he was taking a plane down that afternoon to see him.
"Gerard. Did. You. Get. In?" Brendon asked his voice bubbly over the ear piece. Gerard grinned sadly and caught his eye in the mirror. He was pretty sure he didn't look this haunted before Frank arrived. He would have realized his pupils darkening, he would've.
"Yeah Bren I got in!" Gerard said, he could hear Brendon clap his hands together. He wished he could feel cheerful, this was what he wanted he got in. Anyway Frank didn't want a birthday, he didn't want to celebrate it, he shouldn't be so upset (this just made him feel worse.)
"I knew you would get in..." Brendon said with a giggle.
"Yeah...I kind of kissed Patrick" Gerard said as the memory caught up with him. There was silence from Brendon.
"Just don't tell Pete that" Brendon said with an airy laugh "He knows people, he could get you killed without blinking an eye" Gerard was pretty sure Brendon was over-reacting.
"I'm warned. I won't touch or tell again!" Gerard answered in a falsetto voice. He allowed the giggling happiness off Brendon to wash over him. (I got in. It's Frank's birthday. I got in. It's Frank's birthday – coursed through his head. He really wished his brain would shut-up.)