Chapter 36

The rest of the conversation was a blur for Gerard; he couldn't get his head to stop spinning. He knew his dad had done some bad stuff but THIS was just unthinkable. He never would have thought that this would happen. He could hear shouting but it didn't register; he couldn't care less about that right now. He just slowly slid down the wall and stared blankly at the old wallpaper noting that it was slightly ripped. He could feel himself go numb. It made him wish his dad had just hit him instead. That would have been a much kinder thing to do. The whole situation made him want to vomit but he didn't want to cry or get angry; he couldn't feel anything right now. Everything felt like a haze. He lent his head back looking up at the ceiling as best he could but he felt dizzy. He was letting the situation run through his head repeatedly, he was also trying to work out if he should tell Frank or not. Would it scare him off? He knew that he would be very surprised to say the least. He didn't know what to do; his heart was pounding in his ears and he was shaking slightly. He felt a hand on his arm but he didn't think about it, he couldn't. All he could do was think about the disgusting feel of his dad's tongue being forced down his throat. He heard his mom's voice but he didn't know what she was saying. He felt someone stroking his hair and saying that everything was fine. All he knew was that he needed to calm down, he couldn't let himself lose control. He felt someone help him to his feet and slowly pull him towards the kitchen before helping him sit down. He felt himself snapped back to reality when Mikey came into the kitchen and started to ask questions. His mother, assuming that he was still dazed, told Mikey what had happened.

Mikey's face twisted into a look of discomfort probably trying to come to grips with what had happened. He couldn't believe that someone could do that to their own child. He knew his dad would have been drunk but it didn't make sense; his dad hated gays, didn't he? His brother had a very far off look in his eyes but he could tell that he was still connected to reality. He went over to him and pulled him into a hug but Gerard didn't respond. He just let Mikey hug him before he went back into the same position as before.

"Right, I'm calling the police" their mother suddenly declared. She walked over to the phone and dialled the number and held the phone to her ear. After a few moments she was through to the police department.

"Hello, I'm calling to report-" suddenly she stopped. They could hear someone saying hello one the other end.

"Sorry I was going to report a missing person but they came back just this second I'm really sorry for wasting police time" Mikey just stared. He couldn't believe that she had changed her mind at the last minute. She hung up the phone and put it back where it came from.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do it" she sighed but Mikey wasn't going to give her any pity.

"How could you? Your own son was molested by your ex husband. You have to tell the police; not only is dad violent but now we know that he's capable of rape too!" Mikey couldn't believe that his mom was acting like nothing had happened.

"I'm sorry but I just can't do it!" she yelled putting her head in her hands.

"You have to. Otherwise I'm afraid in a few days he'll come back and who knows what will happen? Do you want him to get raped, or what about me? Because I'm in danger too; now we know dad has a thing for his own children! Think about it" their mother just stood there staring at him before Gerard interrupted their conversation.

"I'm going to bed now" he didn't have any of his normal emotion in his voice; it was just flat.

"Are you sure?" his mother asked, he just nodded. They watched him leave the room before Mikey got up and left; going upstairs to have a shower.

After he'd dried himself he put on some pyjama bottoms before going down stairs to visit his brother. He knocked and opened the door to see his brother sitting on the bed ready to go to sleep but he didn't look like he was going to get into bed any time soon. After a while Mikey managed to get Gerard under the covers and lying down; but his brothers hazel eyes were still wide open. Mikey turned the light off hoping that Gerard was going to fall asleep. He knew he probably wasn't going to fall asleep soon. He went over to his older brother who was now on his side, facing Mikey, watching him.

"Move over" Mikey said. Gerard did as he was told not asking questions as Mikey got under the covers with him and snuggled close to him.

"What are you doing?" Gerard asked.

"When we were little and shared a room I remember that when I had a nightmare you would get into bed with me and cuddle me until I fell asleep so now I think it's my turn to cuddle you to sleep." Gerard really couldn't be bothered to ask any more questions and closed his eyes; relaxed by the extra warmth. Mikey watched his brother fall asleep, shocked at how quickly it happened and soon he followed his brother as he drifted off.

"Gerard, have you seen Mikey- oh there you are Mikey" She smiled at her boys. She knew that they still occasionally did this and she had to admit it was rather sweet; the last time was when Mikey had flu.

"You two look so cute, let me get the camera. I think Mrs Bhaskar would love to see this" Mikey wished that his mother had never made friends with that old lady. They spend their time swapping the most embarrassing family photos they had.

"Mom, Gerard needs you looking after him" Gerard nodded quickly not really wanting any pictures taken. They watched their mother roll her eyes before she turned to Gerard.

"How do you feel?"

"Violated" was probably the best word to describe it. "I think I might have a shower, Mikey move" he shoved his little brother out of the bed before stepping over him and going up stairs.

Gerard came down for breakfast and went straight back up stairs for another shower. By lunch time he'd had five showers. He then decided to call Frank over. He felt that it was important to share this with him.

Gerard felt nervous as he waited for the younger man to arrive; he didn't want to be called disgusting or a whore. He heard the doorbell ring and he slowly made his way to the door.

"Hi" Gerard said.

"Hi" frank replied. Gerard led him into the living room and sat him down next to him on the couch.

"Okay before I begin you have to promise not to yell at me" Gerard said.

"I promise."

"Okay" he took in a breath "last night I was in the kitchen sketching and at some point I decided to go to bed, just before I reached my room I was shoved against the wall and a tongue was stuck down my throat." Gerard was close to crying; he didn't know why but reliving what happened out loud made it worse "and it turned out it was my dad. He told me it was because it was a "faggot whore" and that he might as well make the most of it and then told me that he didn't see the problem because I'm gay and he's a man." Gerard's eyes were slightly blurry but he could still see Franks face full of disgust.

"I knew you would hate me" Franks eyes went wide.

"No, I promise that I don't hate you it's just a lot to get my head round. It's like those shows where people talk about their problems and then they get fixed with a DNA test or something. It just seems really unreal" Gerard nodded understanding.

"What happened next?" Frank was curious; he felt as if he should have been told sooner.

"I don't know it was really blurry. I guess I was just in shock, next thing I know I'm in the kitchen with Mikey and mom as she attempted to call the police, but she couldn't because she felt too guilty I guess. Then I went to my room and sat on my bed thinking things through and then Mikey finally got me to sleep by getting into the bed with me" Gerard finished his story and looked at Frank expectantly.

"When you say get into bed…?" Frank knew it was very inappropriate but he had to ask.

"I meant cuddling" Gerard looked at Frank with an icy glare.

"I had to ask, anyways" Frank started to change the subject not wanting to get into any trouble "maybe you should go to the police?"