Disclaimer: I Do NOT own DURARARA!

[Izaya]

I was lying face up on my bed just staring blankly, everything felt numb. My body and mind had stopped screaming at me, and had just seemed to fade off. I wasn't warm or cold, angry or scared just numb; and so I was waiting to see if any feeling would come back to me. All I felt was numbness, which was better than the pain before. Not physical pain, but more of a guilty pain, that I had done something horrible and disgusting by ingesting so much foul substance into my mouth. My mind had been screaming and cursing me for being so weak, and succumbing to not only that monster but to food.

How could I be so weak that I could just let myself eat so much and not even try to stop, I should have been thrashing and trying harder, obviously I wasn't even good enough for that?

I felt repulsed and was fighting the urge to shower again and scrub my body until it was completely clean. I was feeling more and more ill as the feeling in my body slowly came back to me, and had to suppress the urges to simply vomit back all the calories I had be forced to ingest. That thought, that I would do something so filthy was appalling in itself, I would have to find a way to get rid of Shizu-chan, or I would end up getting even worse than this.

Pulling myself up, I dressed in a more acceptable fashion, and braced myself to open the door into the main room of my apartment. Shizu-chan or not, I did have a job to do, and clients to serve, some of which I would really rather not be on the bad side of. I had done a lot of planning, and carefully building on my many online personas, I was not going to let Shizu-chan and his sudden mother hen activities interfere any further with my work.

I walked through the hallway to my desk quickly without acknowledging Shizu-chan at all, even though his presence in the room was blatantly obvious. After so many years of near death chases and fights, every muscle was yelling me to start running from Shizu-chan's presence, although, it was much less, malicious than usual. I was doing my best to keep calm, and as I signed into various chat rooms to check the logs, and started sifting through forums and news boards, I found myself easily dropping into the virtual world. My real form disappearing replaced by my online names, Kanra was one of my favorites. She was always so care free, and yet very informed, she was as close to me as any of the others, except for the obvious gender factor, I even had a fake ID with her information and gender marker on it; from an old hobby that no longer interested me.

I wasn't too surprised when I opened my e-mail to find hundreds of unread mails, most of them were unimportant, but a few caught my attention, I copied them to research further into later. My last e-mail was a more secret one, for my higher priority clients, currently being the Awakusu-kai, namely Shiki-san who I was in contact with often.

It had been a very tedious task to get so close to this yakuza group, but it was so worth it; as they were not disappointing and proving to be a very fun game to play. Unfortunately, Shiki-san seemed to be set on getting just as much fun out of things as I did. We had a bit of a rivalry going on, trying to make the other lose their mask was one of our favorite games, and as much as I was averse to admitting, Shiki-san was more often the victor, which only made him more fun the opponent.

I had usually been able to make Shizu-chan lose it at any time I wished, but lately he had seemed way to in control which was not biding well with me. I didn't want to lose every game; everything was only solidifying my resolution to be stronger, more perfect, and more in control.

I sighed as my eyes glazed over to Namie-san's desk, as annoying and creepy as she was, Namie-san was a very organized person, I was already starting to miss my secretary; it was looking like I was going to have to start doing my own filing again, it was always a boring task to go through papers, but it had to be done.

I grabbed a stack of papers and started to sift through them, I was getting a head ache almost immediately. I huffed and dug out my glasses, I really didn't like wearing them, and it felt like they altered my image. I felt less like an informant and more like a librarian; still I couldn't do paper work without them on. Shiki-san had some weird issue with me wearing them though; I swear he had a fetish, because it was definitely creepier when I was wearing them.

"Since when did you wear glasses?" Shizu-chan's deep voice broke through my thoughts and the silence of the apartment, causing me to jump a little.

I composed myself quickly, and still refusing to look at Shizu-chan, "I got then when I was a second year in high school."

"Hm, never noticed before."

I ignored him again, focusing on the letters and papers in my hands. I held the papers up higher so that that they blocked my field of view.

I didn't notice Shizu-chan coming closer—who knew the brute could walk without sounding like a stampede—until his hands pulled the page I was holding out of my hands.

I flinched away involuntarily from the towering figure in front of me, my nice switch blade was buried in my jacket pocket far off in my room, and I felt naked without its protection. I had another blade hidden in my desk drawer and slowly let my arm drop to loosen it from the notch in the desk where it rested. As Shizu-chan changed his glance to the paper he had stolen from my hand, I grabbed the blade and concealed in my hand just in case, relief washing over me as the feeling of cold steel in my hand.

Shizu-chan leaned down and looked at me, placing the paper back on the desk, "You look less like an asshole with them on."

"Tch." I still refused to look at Shizu-chan.

"You look like a five year throwing a fit, I knew you were an annoying bastard, but I never knew you were such a brat."

I gritted my teeth in annoyance, and without out fully thinking things through, whipped my arm around flicking the blade out and held it next to Shizu-chan's neck. But years of repeated actions hadn't been lost on Shizu-chan as his hand was around my neck in a flash. We stayed there for a moment, a stalemate reached.

Omg...-cannot think of excuse for not updating-

So sorry ; ;...but school is such a pain lately...and track has somewhat crippled me (btw it takes skills to have a limp in both feet..just saying, skills I tell you SKILLS).

Going to try and work harder to get something written down