Me: Ahhhhh. It's good to be home again. *reclines in couch* And to be out of harms range from those two psychos.
*WarRock's beaten body gets tossed through open window*
Me: *Looks down* So. What did we learn today?
WarRock: "Don't bring attention to Billboard Brow's GIANT forehead."
Sakura: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Me: How long have you been standing there?
Sakura: *Innocently* Oh, just a few minutes.
WarRock: OH! FOR THE LOVE OF- *bolts out window*
Sakura: GET BACK HERE YOU FLAMING MUTT!!!!
Me: Uh...
*toilet flush*
Inner Sakura: Which way did the real me go?
Me: *Weakly points out window* Uh... That'a way.
Inner Sakura: Thanks. *jumps out window*
Me: Wait. Isn't she just a representational figure? *Questions laws of reality*
*door knock*
Me: *Opens door* Yes?
???: Hello. My name is Subaru Hoshikawa. I'm looking for my friend, WarRock. Have you seen him.
Me: About yae heigh *points above head*, and looks like a flaming mutt-thing made of blue armor and green flames?
Subaru: Yes. Have you seen him.
Me: Take a seat. I'll be a few hours before Sakura loses WarRock's scent.
It was another weekend, and Naruto had made a run to get some groceries.
Lan was watching the TV, MegaMan sitting on his shoulder in hologram form, when suddenly Naruto rushed in. This morning he was wearing a black shirt with green flame patterns on the sleeves, grey cargo pants, and yellow and white sneakers.
Naruto looked out the peep-hole. He turned around to face Lan and his Navi. "Uh. Mornin'."
Lan just shrugged and went back to watching the TV.
"In other news, the mysterious hero that has appeared several times in Den Tech city has made yet another appearance." The news reported on the TV read.
Naruto looked back to the TV.
"It seems that somehow this figure is capable of performing extraordinary feats. Here we see him dashing into the road to save a kid who wandered out into the street."
The TV showed a figure wearing the exact same clothes Naruto was wearing, dashing right in front of a truck to save a little kid who had walked into the street.
"This footage is completely unedited, and shows that this figure was running at fifty miles an hour, which is far higher then the peak athletic average." The news reporter read. "We still do not know as to who this figure is."
Naruto sighed as he put the milk in the fridge. At least they didn't see my face. If someone knew what I was capable of, things would get really complicated.
"In other news, strange sightings are coming in from across the globe. These reports indicate that a girl with pink hair and a large forehead is chasing after a mutt-like creature made of blue armor and green flames."
Pink hair? Large forehead? Naruto thought to himself as he pulled a glass of milk out. Nah. It couldn't be.
"Hey Naruto," Lan said. "Having a productive morning?"
Naruto innocently sipped his milk. "Whatever do you mean?"
"You know what we mean," MegaMan said. "Saving that boy from getting flattened by the truck."
"It was on my way to the store. So what?" Naruto said as he finished his glass of milk.
"So. When will you just come clean?" Lan asked. "I mean think about it. With your ninja skills, you could totally be a super hero."
Naruto rinsed his milk glass and put it in the dish washer. "That isn't my life anymore. Mine is the path of peace. And if people knew... I'd never be treated normally ever again."
"Then why do you keep helping people in need?" Lan asked.
"Uh. Lan. I think you're about to hit a nerve," MegaMan cautioned his NetOp.
Naruto growled at Lan angrily. "I'm going for a walk."
He dropped a smoke bomb and instantly changed into his ninja outfit.
"Be sure to save a kitten from a tree on your way back," Lan said.
He was answered with a bath pan to the back of the head.
"Where did he get that?!" Lan asked MegaMan.
"Sorry Lan. It's a ninja trade secret," MegaMan said. He zipped his lips and threw away the key. "My lips. Are sealed."
Naruto was taking another walk through town. He didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to be left alone.
That Lan Hikari, he's got some nerve, thinking he can just tell me who I am, Naruto thought to himself angrily as he walked down the street.
I know I can't go back. I've accepted that. But this world has given me a chance to do something I couldn't back home. Just be a normal kid, with normal problems, to have a normal life. And I'm not treated as a monster, at times I've even been treated as a hero.
Naruto looked sadly to the clouds. But all I want is to live a normal life. That's all.
He looked into the city. But at the same time, I know I have to use my powers.
"DAMNIT!!!" Naruto shouted out loud, freaking out some of the passerby. "Why is this all so hard?!?!?!?!"
Naruto kicked a nearby tin can into the heavens, leaving a small twinkle as it left view.
Meanwhile.
"C'mon Chaud."
"No."
"C'mon. Please."
"No."
"Oh come on. I'll be your best friend."
"Sigh. Fine," Chaud said surrendering.
Chaud was in his office, his friend Anetta had taken the time to visit him.
"C'mon. Open up that window. You need some fresh air," Anetta pleaded.
"Keep your shirt on," Chaud whined, "I'm opening it."
Chaud opened his office window.
"There. You happy?" Chaud asked.
The next moment, a tin can flew out of nowhere, hitting him in the forehead, sending him falling backwards.
Anetta cringed as he hit the ground with a thud, the tin can left a round mark on his forehead.
"Anetta. We've got a man down," ProtoMan joked from inside his PET.
Naruto had continued walking through town. All the while he was just a bit angry with the whole thing.
Naruto sighed heavily. If only there were a way for me to use my power in the real world and not have to worry about being discovered, Naruto thought to himself.
"If there really is a Jesus out there, I wish he'd give me a sign. Even a little one."
Naruto's senses picked something up he had not noticed before.
It was the smell of flowers.
Flowers?
Naruto smelled the air, taking in the lovely aroma.
"Well whad'ya know. I ask for a sign, and I get one."
Naruto ran down the street, following the scent of flowers. Thank you Jesus!
Naruto rounded a corner, finding himself surrounded by the pungent aroma of flowers.
He had stumbled onto a flower shop, with a wide variety of flowers abound.
"Why hello there. Have you come for the flowers?" a voice asked from behind.
Naruto turned around to see a woman with long green hair, and green eyes. Her cheeks were a rosy pink color. She was wearing a brown belt, headband, pants, and shoes. She wore a white long sleeve shirt under a blue vest. Her brown headband had a wood-type spiral pattern on it.
"Um. Yeah. I am," Naruto weakly said. Crud, I was so distracted by the flowers I didn't even sense her. I must be getting rusty.
The woman cocked her head to the side. "Hm. You seem depressed."
Naruto's body stiffened.
"Yeah... I guess I am," Naruto admitted.
"So. What's your name?" the woman asked.
"Oh me?" Naruto asked. "The name's Naruto."
"Well it's very nice to meet you," the woman said. "My name is Sal. I run the flower shop here in Den Tech."
Naruto took another whif of the flowers.
But he couldn't enjoy it completely. His mind was still clouded with doubt.
"Would you like to come in for some tea? A nice cup is always good for when you're feeling down," Sal said.
Naruto nodded, following Sal into the flower shop.
It was a few minutes later, Naruto was sitting across from Sal enjoying the tea she had given him.
"You seem a bit depressed. Is everything okay?" Sal asked.
Naruto sighed. "I don't know Sal."
Naruto took another sip of his tea. "I just don't know if the path I'm following is the right one."
Sal mused over this for a moment.
"I think I know who can help you," she said.
"Who?" Naruto asked.
Sal handed him a piece of paper with a street address written on it. "Go to this address and see the fortune teller there. She may be able to help."
Naruto took the piece of paper as he finished his tea. "Thanks Sal. I enjoyed the tea."
"Have a nice day," Sal said as she waved Naruto out of her flower shop.
She looked around for a second, then reached into her pocket. "WoodMan. Tell Miyu I'm sending someone over."
"Sure thing Sal," WoodMan said from inside the PET. On it was the same symbol that was on Sal's headband.
Naruto had just left Sal's flower shop and headed for the address on the paper.
"Well, this looks like the place," Naruto said as he looked up.
The building he was looking at was darker then the others around it. The inside was dark as well.
He warily opened the door, triggering a small bell just above the door.
"Naruto Uzumaki. I knew you would be coming," a strange voice out of nowhere said.
Naruto reached for his tool pouch, but realized he had left it at home.
That must be the fortune teller, Naruto thought to himself as he calmed his nerves. I was never really one for the whole fortune telling thing, but it's worth a shot.
Naruto walked past a couple of shelves lined with antiques. Most were very old and dusty, but of course that's what antiques are.
Naruto walked around a wall and found another woman sitting at a table behind a crystal ball.
She was wearing mostly black and purple. Her hair was a dark green-blue color, and her eyes were dark, like ebony. She wore rings on the ends of her hair, on her head she wore a black and purple hat that added an inch or so to her height. She wore a black dress with a purple collar and trim, a crossed pattern on the sides. Naruto noticed that she wore purple boots. On the front of her hat was a round white circle with three black triangles on the sides and top pointing to the center, on the bottom were four lines pointing up.
"Um, you're the fortune teller right?" Naruto said. "Sal-"
"Sent you here to see me," the woman said. "My name is Miyu. And since you're here, that means you want to see your path revealed."
Naruto nodded.
"Take a seat. We shall see what the crystal ball holds for your future," Miyu said as she looked at the crystal ball.
She waved her hands over it, in the manner that fortune tellers do.
"I see that you are troubled," Miyu said. "That you want to live a normal life."
"Yeah, that's right," Naruto said.
"But I also see that there are those you want to protect. But in doing so you forfeit your normalcy."
"That's exactly right. But what do I do?"
"Look into the crystal ball. Tell me what you see."
Naruto looked into the crystal ball.
"I see... Masa. The fish monger."
Miyu nodded. "You will find him at the edge of the fish market. It is there that the end of your path will be revealed."
"Okay. So what do I do?" Naruto asked.
"You will walk up to him and say-"
"I'm looking for some beef. Do you know where I can find some beef?"
Naruto cocked his head to the side. "I really have to say that?"
"If you want your path revealed, then yes," Miyu said.
Naruto nodded. He walked out the front door, triggering the bell once again.
As soon as Naruto had left, Miyu reached into her pocket. "SkullMan, send word ahead."
"You got it," SkullMan said from inside the PET. On it was the same symbol on Miyu's hat.
Naruto entered the fish market.
"Ugh, the whole place reeks of fish," Naruto said as he plugged his nose.
"Well of course it reeks of fish," a person standing behind him reading a newspaper said. "It is a fish market after all."
Naruto turned around to face the figure. "Onii-San?"
The figure nodded. "Yep. I see Lan told you about me. Guess it means I don't have to tell you who I am then."
"What're you doing here?" Naruto asked.
"Taking in the sights. The smell of the sea. The spray on my face," Onii-San said as he took a strong whif of the air. "Ah. There's nothing like the smell of fresh fish in the morning."
Naruto held his nose. "Well to me it's a little nauseating."
"You should really get back to your errand," Onii-San said as he held the newspaper back up. "You wouldn't want to miss Masa would you? Oh look. Stocks on pancakes went up by twelve points."
For some unforseen reason, the wind picked up at that moment. Onii-San loosened his grip on the Funnys section he was reading.
"Wait a minute. How did you-" Naruto said before he was cut off by a newspaper flying in his face.
He yanked it off, but by the time he did, Onii-San was gone.
Dang. That guy sure does know when to make an exit, Naruto thought to himself.
He quickly left the entrance to the fish market to look for Masa.
It was a half hour later, and Naruto had had about as much fish stink as he could stand.
He was already at the other end of the fish market when he caught sight of Masa's fish cart.
Naruto ran over to Masa, wanting to get his errand over with so he could get away from the fish stink.
Naruto walked over to Masa, tapped his shoulder, and asked him-
"I'm looking for some beef. Do you know where I can find some beef?"
Masa nodded, handing Naruto a folded piece of paper with instructions written in it.
As Naruto looked into the piece of paper to read it, Masa had already made his getaway.
It was late evening, the sun had just nearly set. Naruto was on the top of one of the many large buildings in Den Tech.
Okay. I've read the paper, and it said to go to the top of the tallest building I could find.
Naruto looked around a bit. Checking if there were any taller buildings.
Well I guess this is the tallest building I could find, Naruto though to himself. But I wonder why Masa had that piece of paper.
Naruto suddenly felt a presence.
He turned around and was faced by three figures.
One was wearing Sal's clothes, with the addition of a black bandana mask and cape.
The second was wearing Miyu's clothes, with the addition of a red mask over her head.
The third was wearing Masa's clothes minus the apron, with the addition of a brown cape and a red helmet with a black visor and a green fish fin.
"So Naruto. You took up the search for your path?" the man with the fish helmet asked.
"You have done well to come here," the red masked woman added.
"Are you ready to take up the torch of justice?" the woman with the black mask and cape asked.
". . ." Naruto said nothing as he looked at the tree figures. "Sal. Miyu. Masa. What the heck are you guys wearing?"
The three figures stiffened.
"Uh, uh. We don't know who you're talking about!" the man with the helmet said flustered. "I'm Commander Beef."
"I am Mysteryu," the red masked woman added.
"And I am the Black Rose," the black masked woman said frantically.
Naruto didn't say a thing as he looked at them warily.
"You gotta be kidding me," Naruto said. "How is it that you've remained hidden in such obvious costumes?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Commander beef said.
A tick mark appeared on Naruto's forehead. "If you won't just come clean-!"
Author's Note:
The "tick mark" that I'm referring to is the one that shows up when people get really pissed off.
Naruto formed the tiger hand sign. "Then I'll just make you!"
There was a blast of smoke. When it cleared, Black Rose, Mysteryu, and Commander Beef were all surrounded by Naruto's Shadow Clone Brigade.
"WHAT THE-" the three of them uttered before they were dog piled by the several dozen clones.
Five minutes later.
Naruto stood over Sal, Miyu, and Masa. He held their masks in his hand.
"Okay guys. Spill. Why did you bring me here?" Naruto demanded.
Naruto snapped his fingers, signaling the dismissal of his clones.
Sal was the first to get up. "I was hoping you'd just take what we had and left."
"Yes. We didn't expect to be overpowered like this," Miyu added.
Masa walked up to Naruto. "You said you wanted to live a normal life here, so we pulled something together for you."
He reached behind him and pulled out a brown parcel bound with twine.
"With this, you will be able to move about freely, without your identity being compromised."
Naruto took the package questionably. "What is it?"
"Just open it. I think you'll like what you'll find," Masa said.
Naruto opened the parcel.
For some reason, a golden light shot out as it was opened. Kind of like when you open treasure chests on Legend of Zelda.
"Woah. This is cool," Naruto said looking at the contents of the parcel.
"You like it?" Sal asked.
Naruto held up part of what was inside it. "Thanks guys. This'll be awesome!"
Naruto ducked behind a heating duct to change into his outfit.
"We've received intelligence pointing to a possible armed robbery," Miyu said. "If you're as good as the news footage implies, then this shouldn't be a problem for you."
"Just go out there and do what you do," Sal said.
"And if you can't handle it, we'll come in to help you out," Masa added.
It was the next morning. The setting was the Den Tech City Bank.
Everyone was minding their own business, when suddenly-
"Okay hands up! Put the money in the bag and don't touch any buttons!" one of the five masked men said as he held a gun to the person behind the desk.
"Not so fast, vile criminals!" a mighty voice rung out.
All the masked men turned.
"Who said that?" one of them asked.
"I did vile criminal!"
The five guys turned around to face a mysterious figure. The sun shone against his back, his cape fluttering in the wind.
He wore an orange and blue jacket and pants, and blue ninja shoes. Oh his back he wore a sky blue cape. His helmet was a regular blue color with a white visor that hid his eyes from view. On the sides of his helmet he wore large bull horns that went past the shoulders (in the horizontal direction).
"I am the bane of all evil! The sword of justice! And a hero to women and children alike!" the figure said.
"I am-" He stood on his right leg in dramatic fashion, his right hand to the right, and his left elbow and knee to his left. "Commander Fish!"
Everyone in the bank was silent.
The next moment, the five masked bank robbers broke out laughing
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
Commander Fish frowned angrily.
"Oh that's rich!" one of the guys said.
"You're right man. I mean who in their right minds wears horns?"
The five bank robbers continued to laugh.
"Oh ho! Do not think that the blazing sun that is justice, shall overlook such insignificant creatures as yourselves?" Commander Fish shouted.
The five criminals stopped laughing for a moment.
"Come to me!" Commander Fish shouted as he raised his right hand to the sky. "Processed Cheese Spray of Justice!"
Suddenly, an aluminum can of processed cheese spray flew through the air in a glorious arc and landed in his hand. Glorious rays of light shone from it in all directions.
"Prepare to taste the Processed Cheese Spray of JUSTICE!"
Commander Fish leaped at one of the bank robbers.
"Taste the burning brand that is JUSTICE!" Commander Fish shouted as he landed.
"Didn't he already say-" one of the robbers said before Commander Fish sprayed the Processed Cheese Spray of Justice into his face.
"AH! UAH! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" the criminal shrieked in pain as the cheese spray hit his face. He started rolling around on the ground in pain, as if the Processed Cheese Spray of Justice were eating his eyeballs like the Flesh-Eating-Virus.
Commander Fish looked at the can of Processed Cheese Spray of Justice.
Everyone in the room cowered in fear as the criminal that had the cheese spray on him continued to writhe in pain.
"Wow. I wonder what they put in this stuff?" Commander Fish asked himself. "Oh right! I know what it is! It's JUSTICE!"
The four remaining criminals surrounded Commander fish
"Hold it!" one of them said.
"You may have caught us off guard with that silly outfit and that burning cheese spray," the second said.
"But we outnumber you four to one," the third said.
"And we've got you surrounded," the fourth added.
Commander Fish chuckled to himself.
"Oh ho! I do not think so!" Commander Fish said. He pointed behind the criminals. "Because you do not have me surrounded! I have you surrounded!"
The four criminals turned around to see that they were in fact surrounded by Commander Fish replicas. The criminals were outnumbered ten to one.
"TASTE JUSTICE!" the Commander Fish clones shouted as they started beating the crap out of the four criminals, causing a giant fight cloud.
The fifth criminal had managed to get the Processed Cheese Spray of Justice off his face, but the first Commander Fish walked up to him and sprayed him in the face again, causing the same results.
It was an hour after the bank robbery began.
The criminals were arrested, nobody was hurt, and Commander Fish was recognized as the mysterious hero that has been going around town.
Commander Fish stood atop a building across the street from the bank.
"Well it looks like you didn't need us after all."
Commander Fish turned around to see Commander Beef standing before him.
"Thanks," Commander Fish said.
He took off his helmet, revealing that he was really Naruto. "If I hadn't been given this costume, I would've been discovered."
"Well I'm glad you pulled through," Commander Beef said. "But just one question. Why did you call yourself Commander Fish?"
"Let me ask you this," Naruto said. "Why do you call yourself Commander Beef when you wear, a fish hat, throw fish shaped throwing knives, have a fish-type navi, and have a fish wagon?"
Commander Beef didn't know how to answer that.
**********ANNOUNCEMENT**********
From now on, whenever anything occurs here that is one of the 100 Anime Rules that chronicle the very laws of the anime universe, it'll be announced and accounted for, like below.
Anime Rule #46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition - Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
Anime Rule #75 - Law of Celestial Body Control - At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
If I have writers block, I may go back into my previous chapters and do the same for those. And the 100 Rules of Anime pretty much cover everything.
And now here's the closing skit to pull it all together.
Subaru: So. How do you know WarRock?
Me: I just met him a while back.
Subaru: *Shrugs*
WarRock: *Enters and grabs collar* Subaru! Please! YOU HAVE TO HIDE MEEEEEE!
Subaru: What's going on?
WarRock: Oh crap! She's here! *Warps into Transerver*
Me: No time to explain! Just trust me and keep your mouth shut! *Throws Subaru into Conveniently-Placed-Escape-Pod* Especially you WarRock!
Sakura: *Kicks in front door* WHERE IS HE!?!?!?!?!
Me: *Discretely hits LAUNCH button* He's not here. But I'd like to give you something, in exchange for you not pursuing him any longer.
Sakrua: Oh? And what could you possibly have that I'd want?
Me: Sasuke's baby pictures. *Takes out Sasuke's baby pics*
Sakura: SQUEEE! *snatches pics* Wait. Where'd you get these?
Me: The same place that creepy snake guy did.
Sakura: *Staring lovingly at pictures* Huh? *Looks back at pictures*
Me: Never mind. *Gently pushes Sakura out door frame (since door was kicked in)*
*Sakura leaves*
Me: Phew. Glad that's over.
*Lyra enters*
Lyra: Where *pant* Is *pant* He? *pant*
Me: Here are some of his baby pics so you'll get off his tail. Go nuts.
Lyra: Awwwww. He's so cute! Look at those cheeks.
Me: I hope she means his face.