This point of view is ALL Chelsea.

Some people asked for her feelings, Chelsea is confused and afraid.

This chapter sums up her feelings and her fears.

Nothing really that adorable happens between them, other than Chelsea convincing herself of a few things.

After I written my last chapter, I decided to re-read all of my reviews. THANK YOU. I am realizing

how much everybody throughly do enjoy what I'm doing here, and I really like that!

ALSO, I read all 35 of my chapters.

I am pleased with what I have done. I am going to fix some stuff though, my grammer is horrid (you all know that)

especially in the begging. But I can really see an improvement from my first chapter, to this one.

And although I had a few reviews in the past saying that the Mark thing ruined Chelsea's character, I disagree

I actually liked what I did there! Chelsea was discovering herself, and she tripped up a little. and Mark just helped her appreciate what

Kind of man that Vaughn really is.

Anyway, enough of my blabbering.

I'm soon coming to an end with this story. I'm going to say it that the MINIMUM will be at least 10 chapters left

Chapter 36: Chelsea's Big Secret

Chelsea

"Vaughn?" I muttered, seeing that he wasn't looking at the photo anymore- instead he had his sight dead fixed on me. I could feel his violet eyes penetrating my own eyes, "What's wrong?"

I turned slightly to face him.

He gazed into my eyes- his purple eyes were so vigorous, the way he deeply watched my face. It like he was waiting for something to happen, or like he was caught up in some sort of moment- deep in his own thoughts and world.

Slowly, he lowered his firm neck- so that he was facing me directly. His eye burned with intense sensation that I have never seen him have.

His eyes are usually so cold, mysterious, or frustrated. But not right now; instead they are so gentle, and tender.

It was like something finally broke through to him. Like he was seeing something in a new light- like his morals on life transformed.

I have known this brawly cowboy for 3 seasons; and finally for the first time- his eyes were flaming with authentic passion.

Vaughn's rough hand reached out and gently grazed from my hand and ventured up my arms. Even though his hands were so rough against my skin- they felt so secure, like nothing in this world was powerful enough to ever break through them.

Goosebumps traveled up my spin as he slowly caressed my neck with his thumb.

What is he doing? What is coming over him?

His eyes were still deep with desire. He wants something, but he looks like he is hesitant.

Why is his cold eyes drowning in passion right now? Do he… like me?

Vaughn can't like me. We are friends, he don't see me anymore than that. He is quick tempered, her screams at me sometimes. He gets frustrated, sometimes he won't even speak to me. Sometimes I grind his gears so bad that he leaves- or he kicks me out.

He isn't into me like that.

I let out a ridged breath. It was a sigh of relief- from the thought that Vaughn don't like me that way.

Or maybe, I am unsatisfied with the thought that Vaughn don't not 'see me that way'.

His hand clasped my right cheek compassionately. For someone who don't like me that way- he seems to be getting fairly intimate.

Do I want him this close to me?

I could push him away.

I should push him away. I don't know what he wants from this. Maybe I should lean back and as him what he's doing.

I'm going too.

But can't. My mind is telling me too, but I can't physically move away.

Hell, I don't want to move away.

Vaughn is so handsome. He understands me. I'm myself when I'm with him- he brings out feelings in me that I never even know I felt. He makes me want to yell, to smile, to laugh, to joke- I bet I could even cry. And I do, I never hold back. Whatever emotion I'm feeling around him, I let it out.

That's good, isn't it?

But he don't like me. He never showed it before, if he knew he would tell me.

We have NEVER had a conversation about any of this. Why is he doing this to me?

"Vaughn" I breathed, "What are you doing?"

His mouth curved into a grin- it was a grin I never seen before. It was kind of like a serious- determined grin. A grin that was exploding with confidence- a character trait that Vaughn never had before. He was so set on whatever he was planning on doing.

His face slowly began to close into mine. Very, very slowly.

He is taking his time, waiting for rejecting.

Will I reject him?

"I know the real damn reason you came here," his smooth voice rumbled, a confident tone matching his smirk, "You missed me."

He adverted his eyes all over my face, observing it with admiration. As his hand left my cheek and tangled into my hair.

Is he doing this because he thinks I like him?

I don't like Vaughn. If I liked Vaughn, I would know. And I would tell him, I never hold back my feelings.

But, I did miss Vaughn. The idea of not being able to see him for a full week disturbed me. I crave to see those eyes every Wednesday. I need to see him smile at least once when he is with me. I hate it when he leaves Thursday evening. And I secretly don't mind it when he stays at my house when he is at the island.

I did miss Vaughn. I start missing him as soon as he leaves the islands.

I smiled, "I usually do."

His eyes brightened enthusiastically, his forehead suddenly fell against mine. I could hear his heart pounding furiously off his chest- like he was about to do something completely crazy. Something completely out of the ordinary.

Holy shit.

He is going to kiss me. He can't kiss me!

He can't. Not right now, we have to talk about this. What if this goes horrible? What if we kiss and we suck.

What if there is no spark? Will our friendship be ruined? Will it be awkward forever? Will I end up losing him?

If this kiss happens, and we realize we can't be together forever- there is a strong possibility that I will lose him forever.

Is that something I am willing to risk?

I can't lose Vaughn. Sure, I can walk out of Kai's life easily. And Mark can mess around with my brain as much as he wants- but Vaughn can't leave.

I never want Vaughn to leave.

I can't kiss him. I got to stop thi-

"Chelsea." His voice came out in the softest whisper I ever heard, "You are the most fucking beautiful thing in this whole damn world."

I melted. My heart stopped, I swooned.

That word. That word I have been craving to hear come from this mans mouth since the day I met him. That word that I relentlessly went to hell and back to hear, scheming plans and situations where he would crack and see something and become amazed.

And I finally heard it.

He has seen sunrises and sun sets. He ignored the beauty of the Autumn moon shimmering on the calm ocean. He didn't notice the colors of fall decorating the trees. He didn't appreciate the importance of the old light house ruins. He didn't care for a fresh blanket of snow covering the ground. The sparkling colors of a Chirstmas tree didn't faze him.

But in the end, none of those things mattered to him. All this time, they weren't the things that fascinated him.

It was me, plain little Chelsea. Something about my face made him snap.

Yet, He thinks I'm Beautiful.

My heart fluttered in my chest, finally it started beating as hard as it should have been all along. Almost as hard as his own. Finally, I understand why Vaughn is doing this now, why he couldn't wait to talk.

Vaughn likes me, and he is just realizing it now.

It is such a powerful feeling, that he can't even control himself.

And he probably don't even know what he is doing.

Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing. And I don't even care.

This connection is too intense to miss out on.

We suddenly jolted together. Our lips crashed against eachother to sweetly- just two puzzle peices

That little space between us was filled in by our bodies.

One of his hands stayed caressing my long brown hair, and his other grasped onto my neck.

His lips gently moved again, and I moved mine along with them.

We are kissing. Vaughn and I are kissing.

Today he screamed at me- smashing a bowl and he kicked me out.

Now he is kissing me. My heart kept fluttering, full of butterflies. My head felt like it was floating, I felt like I had no control what so ever over my body movement- it's like he is numbing my brain from being able to think properly.

His lips are so cold, and his face is so smooth. Vaughn is so handsome, so mysterious.

How could I not see before that he liked me? I was right before when I said he would scream at me, and he would get frustrated with me. He would walk away from me.

But he would always come back. He would never fully leave me. Vaughn would never abandon me.

Like when he brought me to the doctor, I accused him of raping me. He flipped of course, but on the boat when he seen how terrified I was- he came over. Vaughn awkwardly sat with me the whole entire time I was there.

And my eyes- Everybody in this world sees me for my creepy black eyes. But he was the only person to ever notice the dark blue pigments hidden away inside of them. The idiotic cowboy who never had any time for any form of breath taking scenery, noticed the blue in my eyes. He was looking hard enough to pick up on it, he was admiring them the whole time.

I always thought he had no time for anything, I thought he was in his own black and white world. I was wrong.

He had time for me all along.

I moaned, and I threw my arms around his torso- breaking the little bit of distance that was left in between us.

I never felt this before. Kissing Kai was empty. Kissing Mark was a lie.

But this- with Vaughn, it's is so real.

The way he feels against my skin. His warm, soft skin against my face.

His smell is intoxicating, it's like a mixture of pine, rain, and sweet whiskey.

His hold on me is so strong and sure- like nothing else in this world matters to him. He is grasping me like I'm all he got, and all he ever wants.

I like him.

I like Vaughn too. He is perfect- he is calm, and patient. He is handsome and funny in his own way. He is strong- emotionally and physically.

He gets me, he understands me. He is considerate, he is helpful, respectful, smart.

I always liked Vaughn. I could never get enough of him- I just didn't know it.

Fuck! Why was I so nieve? Why didn't I realize this before? Why was I hiding this from myself?

I'm crazy for this man.

My heart pounded harder, I am.

This is so sudden.

Oh god, I have to just breath and think about this.

Do I feel this way because I'm stuck in the moment, or is it real?

This has to be real. Out of everything I have ever experienced, out of all the decisions I have ever made- nothing has EVER felt as real as this kiss.

Our kisses began to tether off to a end. I hate ends, why do everything have to end?

I don't want this to end. Ends is always the beginning of something new. And when this kiss is over- it will either be so friggin awkward, it could be the end of everything. The start of a dreaded life without my favorite person, my best friend being in my life.

Or, it might be the start of the most amazing thing that will happen to both of us.

We kept kissing slowly, hesitant to stop.

There is only one way to find out what's going to happen next. We have to stop, and let it happen.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and gently tilted my forehead back into his- allowing our lips to finally separate. My head is still spinning from all my thoughts- all my crazy insane thoughts of everything. Vaughn liking me, Vaughn not liking me, Vaughn saying I'm beautiful, Vaughn kissing me, his kiss making me feel the most amazing feelings, his touch, me realizing that I like him- and that I always have been crazy about him.

What is this? Where is this going for us? Usually I'm patient. Usually I don't mind watching things fall into place.

But this is something I can't wait to watch. I can't handle watching it fall apart, and I can't wait to watch it piece together.

I need to know now.

Vaughn wrapped his arm around me, and he pulled my legs over his thighs. He cradled my head tightly around my shoulder with one arm, and he reached out his body and held my waist with the other. He squeezed my body into his so hard that he nipped off my oxygen for a second. I held my breath and he slowly released it as he loosened his grip on me.

It was silent. All I could hear was his heart beating under my ear. All I could feel was his hand caressing the side of my waist. These silences are so comfortable, its our thing. We always had them, The first time we met we had a silence. We let each other think, and we let eachother speak our minds. We never judge, and we never abandon eachother.

We are made for each other. I smirked, The cowboy and the farmer.

I can't hold it in any longer, I have to ask.

"What was that…" I mumbled through my smirk

"I dunno," his voice was soft, tangled in with his sweet Nebrasken slang. "But I didn't mind it."

He didn't mind.

That's Vaughns cover up for being ecstatic!

I smiled brightly, overwhelming with every bit of damn joy that was inside of me.

His smile- His bright, white, stunning smile was the biggest and most sparkling smile I ever seen before in my whole entire life.

It was the most genuine smile, not one bit fake. Vaughn is exploding with happiness right now. His eyes were gleaming with sureness, with so much confidence.

Confidence in this, in whatever we have.

He isn't second guessing this relationship like I am, he is so positive. He knows, he is determined that whatever is going on between us is going to be perfect.

He knows this is going to happen.

Once again, his reassurance is making me stronger. Like always.

I couldn't help it, I had to lean give him another kiss. This kiss was for a Thank-You, for always being there and supporting me.

I don't mind sitting back and watching this fall into place. This is something we have no control over, it's going to happen- whether we want it to or not.

And dammit, I want it too.

"Same here," I whispered, "I don't mind it at all."

I closed my eyes, and breathed heavily. Leaning my head closer into his chest I have never been so safe in my life. Its like he was some sort of guardian sent down from heaven to just… hold me. He is just so… strong and secure.

"you're really strong. Did you know that?" I breathed, it sounded a little muttered since I had my face buried into his chest.

He chuckled, low and silent, "Work is tough."

Vaughn isn't just physically strong. He is the most mentally strong person I know. "You are emotionally strong too though," I stated, "Being physically strong is one thing, but being mentally strong is another."

Vaughn snickered, "Yeah. How in the hell am I mentally strong?"

I smirked, "Well, first of all you're dense."

Vaughn pinched my waist- making me jump, "Oh, so I'm just head strong, am I?"

I laughed, "No! I just mean that, you are who you are. And you accept that, and you are not willing to change that for anybody. Your opinions are set, what you think is not debatable." I sighed, fusterated with my lack of word choice, "I can't explain it. You just got your head on straight. I like that."

I could tell in the tone of his voice that he was smirking, "Are you beating around the bush, tryna say that you like me?"

My jaw dropped, Of course I like Him! But I'm not going to just flat out say it, not right away. God, we just spontaneously made out. I'm not ready to go unleashing my feelings.

If this is going to work, he has to be serious. We have to take this by the horns, Relationships are not jokes. Especially when our friendship is on the line.

I hissed, "Vaughn, that isn't something to joke about. You are to take this seriously"

"Why?" He stated with confusion in his voice, "We aren't really all dat serious when we're together, Chelsea. Sure, we argue and stuff sometimes. And we says some pretty deep things. But face it- I enjoy picking on you. And you enjoy yer sarcasm. It's who we are, and if we acts all serious with relationship stuff, everything will get start getting awkward and we will feel pressured." He huffed, "I guess what I'm tryna say here is that; Our feelings towards each other obviously isn't the same as it was 2 seasons ago. And that's going to cause our friendship to start evolving to something bigger. We got here because of the way we act together, Changing what brought us together would only mess things up."

He breathed, hugging into me again. "People who are meant to be together don't have to fix their flaws. Cause remember what you said about flaws before?"

I nodded with a whisper, completely blown away, "Flaws is what makes things perfect"

He chuckled, "Exactly. So why change our quirky flaws just because our relationship is changing? Those quirky flaws is what got us to this point in the first place."

What happened to him? It's like I'm finally getting through to him.

He is finally breaking down that stone cold wall that he built up around him.

or maybe it's the other way around.

Maybe he is finally getting through to me? He is looking into himself deeper than I am myself.

He realized what we had before I did. He discovered what we are capable of before I did.

Now he is reassuring me again, on how changing how we act is only going to mess everything up.

"I'm confused as hell too, Chelsea." He stated strongly, "And I know damn well you are too. And I'm also damn sure that whatever this feelin' is I got towards you is normal. Hell, it's too intense to be normal. You told me that whatever is right, should feel normal. This feels better than normal."

I smiled into his chest, He always says exactly the right and perfect things. I shouldn't second guess this, it isn't who I am.

I'm realistic, and I know this here is 'normal'.

"Hey, Vaughn?" I smiled,

"Wa?"

I sat up abruptly, giving Vaughn a fright.

"Where are you going?" he gasped

I chuckled, at his frown and anxious eyes. He is afraid that I'm going to leave.

I would never leave Vaughn.

"Hold your horses, cowboy. I'm not going anywhere" I giggled, as he he gave me a saucy sly eye, "I just wanted to get you your gift!"

He relaxed back into his sofa, and ruffled his hair in his hands.

I picked the perfectly wrapped gift from the shopping bag. It fit perfectly in the palm of my hands. Sure, it isn't as expensive as what Vaughn got for me- But I know for a fact that Vaughn will like it, and he will definitely use it every single day.

I handed him the present, as I rested my the back of my head on his legs- lying down. So only my head was in his laps. I looked up at his bright, curious eyes. He hesitated on opening it,

"Well?" I encouraged, "Hurry up."

Vaughn spaced out at the Christmas tree, deep in thought.

"Earth to Vaughn!" I teased, waving my hand in his face.

"Sorry, " he mumbled, breaking his attention from the tree and back at the present, "I was just trying to think about when I got my last present."

I frowned, I know Vaughn's parents sucked. But for the few years he did spend with them, I hope they gave him something.

"First, I thought my last gift I received was my cowboy hat- when I was a boy." Then he smirked, "But then I remembered that somebody gave me a huge plate of cookies last week."

I frowned, "Nobody gave you anything in that long? Really?"

He shrugged, "I guess so, but I don't mind. Gifts should mean something anyway. I rather wait 16 years and get 1 gift from you, rather than get one every single year from people who don't mean anything too me."

I smirked, "Well, I'm flattered. But can you just open it now? Please."

His large fingers picked the end of the wrapper off, reveling a very sleek leather case.

"Well, the case is cool." He mumbled, eyeing the miniature horseshoe that was imprinted into the bottom left corner on the black leather.

He opened up clasp on the case, and squinted at the present.

I smiled, loving the satisfied look in his lilac eyes.

He smirked just a tiny bit, as he ran his finger down over the flat silver surface. "It's so shiny… I would be afraid of getting it dirty…"

I smiled, still looking up from his lap and the bottom of the case, "Its sturdy, the point of it is to use. What's the good of it if it just sits in the case collecting dust?"

Vaughn nodded, as he plied his gift from the box, laying the box on my stomach. He held the dandy silver knife out infront of him.

It was a gorgeous knife. The base was silver, with a horse shoe in the bottom left corner- just like the case.

But- I had it ingraved. So right across the top it read, Vaughn.

But I couldn't see the top, cause he had it face up. I could only read the other thing I had ingraved on the bottom.

"There is something written on the bottom too," I smiled,

Vaughn flipped the knife over, he ran his finger over the words and chuckled, "Nebraska?"

I smiled, "Of course."

He grinned, as he opened up the knife and admired how shape and edgy it was.

"Chels, it's great. I couldn't have thought of anything more perfect for me. It has my name written all over it."

I smiled up at his, pleased with my gift choice, "I know you better than you think I do."

"Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself." He chuckled.

I smirked up at him.

"If you weren't all the way down there, I would give ya another kiss."

My heart fluttered at the bluntness of how the word 'kiss' rolled off his tongue so casually - like it was something he naturally said to me all the time.

Maybe we should have tried this earlier. I can't believe I didn't realize what was here before.

I sat up, digging my bottom between the arm of the sofa and Vaughn leg.

He lifted me up like a breeze, and cradled me into his arms, pushing my head into his neck. I gently rubbed my nose between his collar bone and his neck, and kissed it.

He chuckled, tilting his head down and pressing his lips up against my forehead, his eyes burning with that same intense passion as before.

I exhaled, closing my eyes as he began playing with my hair again. I breathed gently, absorbing as much intoxicating pine/rain/whiskey scent that I could while my mind began to spin again.

He is like a drug. His scent makes me feel such an intense high.

How could I not know that I have been craving him all this time?

I exhaled, "I can't believe I didn't know until now."

He asked smoothly into my hair, "Know what?"

"How crazy I am about you."

Vaughn laughed with happiness.

His laughed is like bells to me. It's so low and throaty, to me it's like ecstasy. I can see his laugh, and I can taste it and it feels like I could reach out and just grab it- and keep it forever.

It's something I never heard from him when we first met. He was so cold and stern- he was lost. He was giving up on society, he dreaded every day that was given to him. He thought everything was stupid, and lame. He didn't have any drive- other than to just stay alive. He wasn't determined to be his best- because he felt like he had nothing to look forward too. Nothing to live for.

His smile used to be extinct- it was history; If it even ever existed in the first place.

Now me on the other hand; I gave up on society way before I moved here. I was in the club doing something I despised- TRYING to enjoy it, TRYING to put my best effort into everything; but it was impossible. It wasn't exciting to me. At first it was- I use to love that spot light, and my microphone. I use to enjoy my little outfits, and all the attention- ha, but that was back when I was 16.

Then I grew up- I lived life, I seen it all, I experienced things I would never want to live through again. Tattoos, drugs, piercing, sex, drinking, smoking, fake contacts, weaves, eye candy, bronzer, tanning, condoms, water bras.

Sometimes I think I did all of that for a reason- I think I changed my looks for a reason. Thinking back on it now- it all makes so much sense on why I did all of those things, those stupid things that I hated so much.

It was because I hated who I was, I wasn't impressed with myself. And I knew that- that girl that sang and dance; that girl who did those drugs and drank; that girls who got that stupid wreckless tattoo; that girl who would sleep with Kai every night; that girl who was afraid to take out to remove her weave and take off her make up and fake eye lashs, that girl who was afraid to take out her colored contact to show her true eyes- That girl was a giant cover up.

She was a completely made up person- she was nothing but a giant fantasy made up in my mind. And I was acting her out, I choose to make her into a reality.

Why? Because I was afraid. I was scared to be this person I am today.

I wasn't brave enough to me this Chelsea. I was afraid I would fuck up the TRUE Chelsea. I was afraid to give the TRUE Chelsea a chance- I waited for 4 whole years. I knew who I was deep down inside, and I told myself that everyday. But it wouldn't stop me from being the girl I made up in my head- I was afraid the TRUE Chelsea would make mistakes.

Being who you truly are is scary. And almost every single person in this world struggle with it everyday, including Vaughn- that's why there are fake people out there. It's because people hide behind a disguise that they hate- because they are afraid that if they be the TRUE person they know they can, they are afraid they will ruin themselves. These people are afraid to be who they want to be- because they have hope that someday the opportunity will strike up and that their TRUE person with shines through.

That's why I left. That's why I couldn't stay a stripper- I had to live my dream. I had to be the TRUE Chelsea, and I think I did a pretty damn good job too. Sure, I slipped up once- letting Mark into my life. That was the stupidest thing that this real Chelsea ever done, but I learned from that. I came back to myself. Real people slip up- it's what happens in life- you learn from you're mistakes. And mistakes is what everybody is the most afraid of.

My mistakes in my life- led to this amazing man right infront of me.

Vaughn was like me, he was a mannequin- hiding away from himself.

But there was one difference; I knew I was fake, I knew that I wasn't actually that person. I realized that I was strong and that I was capable of living the TRUE Chelsea that was hidden away inside of me.

Vaughn didn't. Vaughn didn't know that the person he was living was a giant lie, he didn't know that the cold and cut-off man he was, wasn't really him all along. He had no idea.

And then that's when destiny stepped in. If I didn't spontaneously leave that city the stormy night that I did, than the boat would never have sank. I would have probably ended up in Europe somewhere, living day by day.

But instead, I washed up the islands. And the TRUE Chelsea came out, the TRUE Chelsea was destined to come to the island.

I was destined to meet Vaughn. No, I was destined to meet the TRUE Vaughn. Because I was the person who broke through his walls. The REAL Chelsea was the only person capable of breaking through, because other than me- no body else had the time to take him on.

But I did, because I was destined to.

And the TRUE Chelsea knew that, and the TRUE Vaughn did too.

That's why we stuck together so long- No matter how big of an asshole he would be. Or how annoying I was. No matter many times I refused to hear his story about Mark, or how many times Vaughn would become uncomfortable with me and block me out. Through thick and through thin- we always found ourselves coming back to each other.

And this more 'common' smile from Vaughn, and his flawless laugh. I did that, I broke through to him. I opened his eyes to beauty, he saw me. Nothing else,

What I have with Vaughn is a quality that I will NEVER be able share with another person.

And that quality is truth. We discovered ourselves the same time, we both did. We both bring out the best and worst in each other.

And to me, that's something that only Soul Mates have.

His face gleamed with his genuine smile, he tilted my chin up towards his face. "I'm crazy for you, too."

It's true. Vaughn do like me a lot.

He likes me for this TRUE Chelsea- The free-spirited, loving life, down-to-earth, natural farm girl.

The girl who knows who she is, and who is true to herself.

He didn't fall for that confused, fake, glitzy, glamorous, sexy, partying, tramp stamped skank from a year ago.

My stomach churned, as the consideration of Vaughn not understanding what I went through. I felt guilty for not telling him my real story, who I use to pretend to be.

I could tell him now. I have too.

"Hey," I muttered,

Vaughn kept his eyes closed, snuggling into my chest. "Hm?" he grunted,

I sighed, while I opened my mouth to speak. To tell him the truth.

But nothing came out.

What if Vaughn get mad? What if he don't accept the fact that I was a dirty ol' skank?

What if it changes his perspectives on me? I know I'm not the person I use to be, but that old Chelsea still lingers on me. She took away my innocence, she took away my purity. And I can't get that back.

The Chelsea he fell for is pure and innocent. But I will never have 100% of that back; because I did some pretty messed up shit, and that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

What if he can't handle that? What if he can't look past that fact? I know Vaughn isn't a virgin either. But I selled sex to the public, that was my job. My job was to sell lust on stage, to show everyone my body and my erotic side. And in my opinion; Although I wasn't a prostitute- it was practically the same thing.

I made men imagine sex with me. Even though I never physically slept with them, I sure as hell did a good job as putting the images in their heads.

And that's something I can't risk having Vaughn know. I can't risk losing him.

That's why I can NEVER tell him about the fake Chelsea.

It's my secret.

"Nothing." I replied, "I'm just going to miss you a hell of a lot more during the week now"