Errant Souls

Unfortunately, Feitan hadn't returned to his cell after visiting Gon. It was nearing morning by now; Hisoka was walking around looking displeased, and I had Killua sleeping on the couch of my office. He's about the only target Feitan deems worthy, so putting protection on just him was all we were forced to do at this point. Hisoka seems to be at a loss as to the why his patient was misbehaving. Although displeased with his situation, he'd never tried to legitimately escape. According to Hisoka this was because he just didn't feel like it, but I'm guessing it has more to do with the consequences the redhead has when he does try something.

All the more the question of why he was misbehaving now.

'Mind if I join you?' After a short knock, Chrollo stepped inside without waiting for permission, stopping next to Killua and staring down at him. Up until now he'd left us alone,

'You should be helping to look.' I didn't look away from the papers. Looking through what was known of Chrollo on Zeno's orders - which was mostly my cooperation with him - I was wondering why he'd asked me to do something that wasn't my job by a long shot.

'Hisoka has taken the task on himself. How did sex with Killua go?'

'The act itself was very enjoyable to him, but emotionally he's a blank slate now. The only things left are most probably his connection to his family, Gon and me. I believe that was your goal in the first place?' I looked up and saw him crouching down next to the boy. At that point I glanced up, and he got my full attention.

'He won't let go of his connection with you, it's all he has in this place. He'll become just like you now.'

'He'll be stronger if he has an identity.'

'Stronger is not something we need to concern ourselves with; he'll be easier to handle like this, that's all we need.' He lifted his hand and stroke his fingers through Killua's hair a little, laying his hand softly on top of his head. This didn't wake him, but he did stir a little. He's in a transformative sleep; he won't be awake before session in an hour. We'll have to postpone it. 'You really did tire him out.'

'His fatigue is mental, we only did it once.' He let his hand glide through the mess of white hair a little; his eyes were on the boy, but his attention was on me.

'Were you in trigger again, or did you get excited on your own?' Ultimately, he let his hand rest near his neck, and stroke with his thumb behind his ear. These were all very caring and comforting gestures, and it put me on alert.

'Your drug was still working. I haven't recognized any side effects yet, but my research should tell me about them early next week. The pheromones did bother me.' Chrollo huffed a little in amusement. It actually explained Hisoka being more unbearable than normal, but he hadn't been the only one. I've had too much attention this week.

'Was it the first time you had sex outside of a trigger, by the way?' I glared at him when he asked, and I leaned my head on my hand. 'I'm sorry, but I had to ask.'

'For whatever reason do you have to ask something like that?' Killua seemed to be subconsciously enjoying the lithe touches of Chrollo's hand, and his expression softened. This is about the first time I've seen Killua this relaxed. He will not be the same person when waking up later today.

'Because if you were able to get excited for Killua once, there is the possibility of attraction, and that will influence his sessions.'

'We've already established that for some strange reason I have made a connection. Getting excited for him once is not unusual, and Zeno has forbidden future acts. So I still don't see the problem.' Chrollo was starting to get on my nerves with his questions. 'Are you here just because you enjoy my company?'

'Yes.'

'Then you can enjoy my company in-' I stopped talking when he finally turned his eyes towards me – he looked… eager. No matter what he was looking, he was expressing something. That put me on even higher alert.

'This atmosphere actually feels very nice. I'd almost stop breaking you two apart.' He sat down on his knees, and leant over him a little. At that point I did speak up more threatingly,

'I suggest you step away from Killua before I interpret this unusual behavior as an attack.' Even though it wouldn't faze him all too much, I released fear towards him, and he stopped an inch away from kissing him just above his ear.

'I can understand your protectiveness, considering all of my manipulation. But I have never physically harmed him, have I? You've done more damage than I have.'

'Your manipulation is exactly why you need to step away.' There was still the question of where Killua's micro surveillance had come from.

'I really can't have you being so illogically protective over him.'

'There's little to be done about that when I don't know about the time loss four years ago.' It's the only time in my life that I'm aware of that I had a connection – causing the condition for time loss – but I clearly got rid of it. I have to put more pressure on finding out how I cut the ties back then, and repeat it with Killua.

'Want me to enlighten you then?' No amount of non-verbal threat stopped him from walking towards me and closing himself in over the desk, his face stopped inches from mine. 'Because there's a good reason you feel a connection with Killua.' Everything seems to be leading back to what happened four years ago.

'Step away.'

'What if I say that the reason you feel a connection with him now, is because you already made that connection four years ago.' He's using his body to intimidate, that's not something he's done in the first four weeks, he can smell his victory. I have too large a blind spot from my time loss.

'Why would you want me to find out more about the connection, you want to destroy it.' And so do I, but you're not taking his place.

'Second part of my message may be that whatever's in Killua's box, will prove your connection anyway. It will also prove that I was more important to you back then, even though your attachment was to Killua.' I squinted when he started reaching out his hand, and my first instinct was to snap it off. When he started to retreat because he knew the threat wasn't empty, I swallowed that reaction and stood up to grab his arm; turning him over and pushing him with his back down on the desk. I leant my hands just below his shoulders and leaned over him.

'What're you trying to achieve right now, because you know I don't trust anything you say.'

'Very simple. You wanting to find out about your lost time is very easily exploitable. Perhaps Killua could help, but he doesn't seem to remember much either. And he may not be so willing anymore in helping you after opening the box and remembering.' He looked up at me with a smile plastered on his face. I need to make him start thinking I'm giving into him to find out more about him, because merely opposing everything is not getting me anywhere.

'What is even your goal once you have me, why would I want to choose to have contact with you? What is in it for me?'

'Remember what we did four years ago and I think you'll understand.'

'Why do I have to remember by myself, why don't you just tell me.'

'Unfortunately it's not that easy.' I had to agree on that. If I don't remember for myself, I will not believe anything. When I felt him lift his head to kiss my neck, I let him this time. In favor of gaining some trust to reach my endgoal, my body's no different than Killua's; it will accept anything to get there. On top of that, Chrollo's is not a sexual desire, it's his way of feeling dominance over someone who doesn't like to be touched.

'You will physically stay away from Killua, is that clear?' His lips let go of my skin to answer positively,

'I'm looking forward to future cooperation.' Even though it was obvious that what I was doing was to give him a false sense of security, he hadn't been able to resist. I let go of his shoulders, and he walked out the door without looking around again, leaving the door slightly open. I walked around the desk and knelt down beside Killua, starting to check if Chrollo had put in another micro surveillance.

I already knew Killua four years ago? It must've been brief and close to the time loss then. That would mean a forced attachment. It's not impossible, four years ago Killua was already doing kills, and I was still a Breaker. The chance we encountered before exists.

Forced attachment wouldn't happen so easily. That meant a situation in which we were both in danger for longer than a couple of days. What kind of situation wouldn't I be able to get out of within 24 hours? Not just me, but apparently the combined force of me and Killua. Considering the attachment, that'd meant a confined space, else I wouldn't have bothered staying in contact. Adding up all of that, Killua had mentioned the space his father had taken him had been hostage abandonment, there's the possibility his dad took him there to remember.

And apparently Chrollo's fascination with me stemmed from previous cooperation. There's a good possibility I assisted in the Kurta massacre then. Kurapika is merely uncomfortable around me though, he doesn't seem to hate me. If I'd just been doing my job as a Breaker that's not strange.

This all if I trust Chrollo's words, of course. Because his words also indicate that I knew him before the time loss, and I have no prior memory of him either. He should have been in the room as well then. It's all guesswork; I can't base it on the words of a ghost.

How he's been able to stay a ghost after making a mass grave of the entire Kurta clan is still very impressive, but I need real proof, and I'll need the information Hisoka has for that. At the very least I could visit that house as well if I find the time.

I stopped moving my hand around when I felt a familiar bump a bit lower behind his ear. I have to wake him to remove it, else his reflexes could cause severe injury. I shook him by the shoulder, but when that didn't work immediately, I decided to just pin him down so he wouldn't hurt himself. I lay him down on his back, made sure his head wouldn't move, and placed a knee over his upper body and shoulder. These sleeps are too deep to be safe. I located the little bump again before instantly snatching it out from under his skin. He did wake up from that.

'Fucking-!' I stepped away from him again when the threat passed, and he shot up, turning around to me walking back to the desk, and feeling his fingers over the small wound.

'Chrollo placed surveillance on you again.' I lay the chip down on the table, 'He's keeping eye on your movement, I will not let him touch you anymore.' Sitting down and looking back at the boy, I didn't get the expected horrified response that Chrollo had touched him, or the question of where. He just looked beside him at the chip and picked it up.

'Well, if he's not getting close anymore, there's no need to investigate this, is there.' He held it up a second in demonstration before carelessly throwing it back on the table, and lay back down, pulling the blanket back over him. I had to stand up and cover the small wound myself, he was starting to bleed over the couch.

Not even when I did that, did he respond. Not even involuntarily.

It's not possible for him to fade any more than this, I don't understand how the contents of that box could possibly influence him.

I can't say that I wasn't interested in it myself anymore, but that was exactly the weakness Chrollo had pointed out, hadn't he.

… …

... ...

'Oh~ I don't think Killua-kun's going to like this, my dear Illumi.' It had only taken me seconds to decide to contact the redhead.

'Will you, or will you not ask Chrollo to take over the search for now and take the guard on Killua?'

'Give me a minute, I'll take care of it for you. I much like the way all of this is going~'

'When will you be here.'

'I am still on this floor, I'll be there in two minutes.' Hanging up afterwards, I looked down at the spiderbox in my hand, and back at the person whom I'd given the empty one – now with a few items inside. I need to find out about my past; by now that's a calculated risk in letting Chrollo pull me in. However, I need to find out the reason he's drawn to me, else I will never be able to counter him. I'll be taking this box along with me to the abandoned house Killua's been. Zeno hadn't been happy being woken up to give permission to leave while in a lockdown, but he hasn't forbidden me. I could be at that house within the hour.

'Something I need to know before you disappear?' Hisoka knocked on the slightly open door, and appeared through the opening with a ton of interest surrounding him.

'Killua won't be awake for a couple of hours, just keep an eye on him. Is there anything I should know before leaving for the abandoned house?' I cocked my head at him, and he kicked the door closed behind him with his heel,

'You want me to tell you about your time loss? But I didn't know you until after, did I.'

'The look in your eyes says otherwise.' It's either that, or he simply found out afterwards.

'I could just tell you, but I don't think you want to hear it at this point.' He was loving this game too much.

'Wanting to hear has nothing to do with it, unless whatever happened had been so drastic that my mind chooses not to hear it. You're suggesting my mind is weak like that?' I took a few steps towards him, composed but insulted,

'Hm~ I'm suggesting that your mind has done what it needed to do, and you're the most fun to play with because of that.' He licked his lips, and I heard a pleasurable moan in the back of his throat. He was restraining himself again. It reminded me that I have to have sex with him later today to see if my excitement was Killua-centric or not. I reached out to touch his face to check if Chrollo's drug was still in effect with him as well, but there was still no change in heart rate. Machi had really good connections.

'When I return, we're having sex.' His eyes widened for a second before settling even more narrow than before, and he inclined his head a little against my hand.

'Mm~ you sure know how to talk dirty to me, don't you. I hope I'll be to your satisfaction as well.' He turned his head in order to bite my hand, but I retreated before he could.

'Keep your eye on Killua, I'm back in three hours.' Even if Chrollo's words are true, there's no guarantee I'll remember anything at that abandoned house if Killua didn't. This is all under the presumption that Chrollo isn't lying. I'll judge that when opening the box when I come back.

'Understood.' I stepped away to grab my coat, and walk out the door, 'Say hello to your mother for me.'

'Excuse me?'

'They're out?'

'Yes.'

'While we're in a lockdown?'

'Yes.'

'…Alright, you allowed both of them?' When I'd woken up about halfway the morning – which I never like to do - Illumi'd been gone, and Hisoka had walked me straight to Zeno. Hisoka hadn't seemed completely amused, and that could only mean a couple of things.

'I gave them a timeframe of 20 hours, your session will take place somewhere between now and then. In the meantime you're to report to Dr. Nobunaga for your one-on-one session. He should have a short amount of time free for this.' I quirked an eyebrow. For Zeno to excuse them was a strange happening, from what I'd heard neither of my shrinks in very good graces with him right now. To let both of them out in a time of lockdown and letting Hisoka practically alone to deal with everything…

'I'm not getting protection?'

'Feitan will not come out of hiding with Hisoka keeping an eye on everything, you're safe enough if you keep close to him.' I drew my eyebrows together when hearing all of this. Hisoka being unamused has nothing to do with having Feitan on the loose, that creep loves the hunt. The only other anomaly is Illumi and Chrollo being away. Why both? Where are they? Even if it's for selfish reasons, Hisoka is protective over Illumi. That means there's a potentially breaking situation going on for him? That's why he's unamused?

'I heard from Machi she allowed you to examine the box you'd taken with you today, am I correct?' I nodded slowly and pocketed my hands, 'There's not enough free time for her to supervise you with that, it'll have to wait.'

'Would it help if I use myself as bait for Feitan.'

'You're not allowed.'

'Fine. I'll just go train then. I'll see Nobunaga somewhere this afternoon.' I shrugged it off in favor of just beating the uneasy feeling out of me. I already turned around after excusing myself, but was stopped halfway to the door.

'Killua,' I turned around midstep when Zeno called out again. He'd stood up and leaned back against the desk,

'What is it?' I raised my hands behind my neck and inclined my head a little. That I was personally dealing with Zeno was an odd enough situation on its own, by the way.

'I am aware of your new training behind Illumi's back.' My face dropped when I heard that. I knew it was impossible to keep it a secret, but I hoped I wouldn't be denied this. 'If you don't let either Machi or Illumi treat you after, I will force you to stop. I know why you're self-destructive, but is there anything in particular you want extra help with.' I couldn't help it, I laughed outrightly for a couple of seconds when he asked, it took me a while to recover from that, but Zeno just patiently let me.

'Hahaha! When have I ever actually been helped by Chrollo or Illumi either way? All they've done is surface everything I have a problem with, and used that to break me. So yeah, some minor stuff may need extra counselling,' I dropped one hand, and started listing off everything, starting with my pinky. '…The only friendship and joy in my life has been ruined and even if it's not, I won't see him anymore for at least five years.' I turned my eyes up and to the side as if I was thinking it over.

'Chrollo wants to destroy me because for some odd reason I am coming in between him and Illumi, but you still let him be my shrink… Oh! I lost my virginity to Illumi, but I didn't feel anything in particular about it, that counts to, right?' His eyebrows were slowly drawing closer together.

'My dad's watching me while I'm here now as well, so there goes the little freedom I had… is there anything more… Ah! I have no will anymore to try to find another life except for that of an assassin which I like to do, but makes me dead inside when it's all I have. Yeah, I think that's about it.' I closed my hand again, and saw Zeno giving me a calculating look. Are you calculating on how to make it easier for me, or how to make it easier to play the game you're playing with your top psychologists as puppets?

I leaned back on my heels for a second before straightening my back some more and lifting my hand back behind my neck.

'The issue with Chrollo should be resolved within two months. The only thing I'm actually worried about is if you won't self-destruct before that time. Because surfacing your problems is actually their job.'

'What do you plan to do about it?' Another two months of that training of mine could result in death, I agree. But not doing it will result in someone else's death at this point.

'You're granted unsupervised outings with Kurapika once a week.' My eyes widened in surprised when I heard those words leave his mouth. He reckons the leash on me is tight enough that I won't escape?

'I thought Kurapika's past wasn't clean enough for that?' What did he do anyway? 'Cos obviously revenge on Chrollo hasn't happened yet…

'He's not above ours or your parents' skill level.' He didn't say anything after, and I chose not to question it even though it made no sense; he's giving me two hours of complete freedom per week, maybe that'll actually do me good.

I nodded in gratitude, and smiled when he gestured I could leave now. I wasn't left alone for a second when I stepped out of the office.

'Your biggest fear is actually fading into non-existence before you've even existed, isn't it.' Outside the door, Hisoka had apparently been listening, and pushed himself away from the wall when I passed him. 'That is definitely something that can easily happen in your profession.'

'You should know, you've been in the same line of work yourself.' Assassin, assistant to a Deliverer, information dealer, torturer, he's been a lot before coming here. That he's still alive testifies for his skills alone. It also testifies for the horrors Chrollo's done if even Hisoka's past isn't a secret here.

'Ah~ but I do think I enjoyed it more than you are now. Want me to teach you how to have fun?'

'Just take my place if you like it so much.' I wanted to ditch him before he'd say something that'd get under my skin again.

'Oh, can't do that. I like it so much more to play with my victims before "killing" them. I can't possibly go back.'

'Is Illumi one of your victims then, 'cos you play with him all the time.' He laughed softly at my biting tone before answering,

'Hm~ no. Illumi is such the special treat, I could never kill him. Nor could I you.' He decided to disappear from behind me when I wanted to turn my head to question his words. I stopped in my tracks. I know Illumi has always been special to Hisoka in one way or the other, but his interest in me has been turning on and off constantly. I'm only interesting in my affiliation with Illumi, aren't I. I have no doubt I'd be dealt with in an instant if I'd come close to breaking Illumi. Just like Chrollo's been walking a fine line for a while now. 'Care to join me for training?' He was right in front of me again when I turned around to his voice. I subdued the surprise, and took a stronger stance before walking past him.

'That's useless. You're not allowed to break me, what good would a sparring do.'

'Oh~ but the new scars on you are not from breaking either, are they? There's so many ways in which I could hurt you to make you forget your emotional pain~.' A chill went up and down my spine when his hand slid along my neck, and I jumped away a little. Turning back around to face him, I raised my voice and gave him my answer,

'Fine. Let's fight.' His grin widened, and he raised his hand to subdue a small laugh. He's just distracting himself at this point as well. He was clearly concerned about Illumi before my talk with Zeno, but he can't leave the premises as well. Fine then. All you shrinks seem to want to do is either fuck me or fuck each other, some brutal fighting will do me good.

I shouldn't have expected differently then that Hisoka would deny me an explanation on his words. "Say hello to your mother for me"? My mother has been missing for nine years. An obsessed Deliverer such as her has a short life expectancy on her own. As soon as she didn't have my protection anymore, I wrote her off as dead, and the world is better off that way.

I stepped out of the car and into the abandoned house as soon as I'd reached it. I'd heard of a certain room on the second floor from Killua, so I went straight up the stairs. This house has been abandoned for longer than four years. If it has been used in the meantime, it has been used as a hideout. So the hostage abandonement Killua mentioned is not implausible. I opened the doors on the second floor one by one, and all rooms seemed to be in the same debilitated state. I stepped inside each one, but there was not a lot to explore. If anyone had ever lived here, the traces had been thoroughly erased. That it has been empty for so many years is strange though. It seems like a good house to hide if you're running from something. It wasn't until I reached the second room on the left that I felt like I found something. First of all, there was a bed in there, second of all, the window used to be plated – this room hasn't been erased.

I stepped inside after looking around more carefully for traps, but found none. I stopped in the middle of the room and looked all around me before drawing the same conclusion Killua had given me. There had been more than one person here for an extended period of time, the room had been bolted closed, but there'd still been some light and air in here, it was a clear hostage abandonement. There were, however, little clues as to the why.

The shapes left on the mattrass that were the size of an adult and a child were bothering me, but it were the only clues that could actually point to the fact that me and Killua'd been here. However, still no memories were triggered, so it was too inconclusive to determine. Plus it didn't coincide with that I apparently knew Chrollo during my time loss – he had to have been in this room with us, and there were only signs to two persons.

'… …'

I turned my head a little and immediately grabbed hold of a couple of needles from my pockets when I felt another presence close. I focused my hearing some more, but dropped my guard slightly when I recognized the tread. I inclined my body to be able to see the person walking in the door with a certainty of having been here before.

'Zeno allowed you to go after me?' There was no-one looking for Feitan now.

'Do you remember anything?' Chrollo stopped one step away from me and pocketed his hands. I didn't let go of all the needles just yet. It was easier to contain him with them.

'I can see Killua's description is correct, but this room doesn't trigger any memory with me.'

'You have the box with you.' He looked down slightly at the shape in my pocket, and I got it out.

'In a lockdown there won't be time for Killua to examine it either way, he won't know it's gone until I can trade it back.'

'If you want to after opening it of course.' He walked past me and opened the windows almost falling off their hinges.

'Is it safe to open.'

'You're more curious than I thought.' He turned back around to me, and gestured me to step closer. Once I was in range, he turned the box in my hand and pointed me where I'd need to open it. I just put the box on his hand, and pointed it sideways when opening the seal. He huffed amusedly when I did all of the precautions, and nothing happened when the lid opened. 'All those safety measures, and Killua could've just opened it whenever he wanted.' What I saw in the box drew my attention more than his words though, and I took it from him. I felt his attention growing, but that didn't occupy me so much.

I felt some memories of four years ago returning the moment I looked down in a pair of well-known, well-preserved eyes.

So this is what Hisoka'd meant.

A/N

Hey! Hey! Guess who's going to tell you part of that story in the next chapter!
Only took me 34 chapters to get there 8D

Zeno's allowing a whole lot concerning this trio, isn't he. Almost like he has ulterior motives as well.
And who here thinks Hisoka vs Killua is actually a good idea for the poor boy? xD
Oh, and here's to a certain reviewer who said she'd have opened the box already - you actually would have lived 8D

And I know there's no reason to apologise for taking one day longer, but I'm using the apology to tell you it was actually my birthday the 9th and it'd been a beautiful spring day for the first time in ten years or so xD *still has party hat on*

To Kuronue: *sits flattered behind her computer* *is happy that the effort to create the backstory is appreciated* *is not purring at all* And yes, yes I am trying to kill you. I'm working all of you up to a very, very slow death. And you will beg for it _ (aahw that makes me sound evil)(which I'm totally not)

Look forward to next time~

**warning, fight scene ahead*