Author's Note: Yes, another one of these. I originally wrote this chapter in chronological order, but then I cut and pasted it because I just love bouncing around in time. I literally can't help myself. Man, I can't wait for Lost to come back. Thank you to all of you who have been asking for more, because I was having a hard time writing, especially Megandalf and Missie. I probably wouldn't have written this chapter tonight without all of you, so I hope it's only slightly disappointing rather than really disappointing.
31. EPIPHANY (1955-2006)
BANGOR (2006)
These were not the sort I hunted anymore. I was looking for a human.
But the vampires were racing toward me openly. The scent was familiar. One of the scents was of someone I actually liked. I nearly laughed out loud.
Let them come. This would be…intriguing.
PALO ALTO (1955)
I stood on their doorstep for a long time. I heard them inside. Polite conversation overshadowed by the piano. Pachelbel's "Canon" washed over me. It was my favorite bit of classical music.
I wanted to cry, so desperately, but I could not. I was incapable of crying. I was incapable of any human emotion that actually mattered. What I was capable of was hatred, pure and desperate hatred. I was capable of evil, evil that few humans could even conceive. Most of all I was capable of sadness, overwhelming sadness.
I ran then, no longer wanting to hear the beautiful music. It was too painful. I did not deserve to have such beauty in my life.
I sprinted down to the bay like lightning, and threw myself in. I let myself sink like a stone into the murky blackness. I heard Alice's final words as I sank.
"Enjoy your epiphany." It was like a beautiful chorus of bells in my ears. But I could not allow my heart to hope. My heart was already dead.
PHILADELPHIA (1980)
The humans around me were euphoric. And I found myself sharing in their euphoria. What a strange emotion this was, to be happy. And yet somehow, as Tug McGraw stretched his arms above him in elation and Bob Boone gripped him tight, I felt as I had in my human days. It was a wonderful feeling.
I pulled my maroon cap with its white monogrammed "P" low over my face as I exited the stadium, but I found the pounding of human hands on my back, the "high fives" to fellow fans, the warm smiles all around me, to be utterly refreshing. Once again, Mary had managed to release me from my woes, even if it wasn't her intention.
The smell of the human woman who unexpectedly hugged me was intoxicating, but easy to ignore. I understood what all those people had talked about for years and years about being on drugs. Life wasn't so bad. Even vampire life. I felt high.
Two men grabbed me around the shoulders and led me towards a bar, and I didn't object. I nodded my head when they spoke of Schmidt's two run single. I pointed out how great Steve Carlton was. I smiled and laughed at their jokes. I bought them rounds of whiskey and beer. They might never see this again in their whole lives. No one else in Philadelphia had.
When I left the bar at two o'clock in the morning, still smiling and laughing, I wondered what I would do next. No more baseball to keep me occupied. What would be the next thing to give me happiness? I looked forward to finding it.
"Of course you would be a Phillies fan," a husky voice said behind me.
I turned and smiled.
HOLLYWOOD (1965)
There was something quite good about this band, I had to admit. Even my vampire ears could appreciate the incredible quality of their artistry. For that's what it was, it was art. Not since I'd first listened to the classics, to the occasional jazz number, had I described music as art. Not that I was an aficionado, but this band was good.
I hated Los Angeles to the very core of my being, and yet there was something intriguing about it as well. The sun drove me crazy, and I was forced to stay inside for over half of the day, but there was something about being at the core of everything human. It was nothing like New York, and yet strangely similar. And just like New York, I loved and hated this city all at once as well. I preferred Philadelphia, of course, and San Francisco and London and Chicago, but none of those cities quite had what New York and Los Angeles had. At least not for the humans living there.
I tracked the vagrant out of the Hollywood Bowl, and the lines from the song trailed after me: "But she don't care. I don't know why she's ridin' so high, she ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me. Before she gets to saying goodbye, she ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me."
I caught him outside of the stadium, my teeth digging into the scruff of his neck, his filth so disgusting that he wasn't even appealing. Most of my prey was no longer appealing to me. Vagrants and beggars, whatever was easiest, whatever would not get me in trouble. Trouble was the last thing I needed.
MANHATTAN (2001)
I vomited the blood I'd drank the night before, back in Boston, whatever was still in my body. I didn't know what had driven me to see this, but it was a horrible mistake. I hadn't seen anything like this since World War II. But somehow, this was worse. Black smoke covered the skies, and I could walk freely. I took no pleasure in it.
I felt a strange urge to help, but I knew that such was a bad idea. Involving oneself in human affairs was always a bad idea. I shuddered at how much William would have enjoyed this chaos. It sickened me that I'd ever gone along with him.
I had to get out of here. I'd swim across the Hudson and to New Jersey if I had to. This sort of life wasn't me anymore.
It was then that I caught the scent of another vampire.
I followed him surreptitiously. I was no longer Garrett the vampire hunter. I was just Garrett. But if this vampire did intend to hunt, he needed to be stopped. These people had seen enough horror for one day.
It was a woman. Of course. I hadn't killed a vampire in fifty years, and I might have to kill a female.
But when she attacked an injured young man in an alley only blocks away from ground zero, my decision was made.
I barely thought about tearing out her throat. I dismembered her quickly, and was happy to burn her. I was glad I never got a chance to learn her name. The taste of her flesh disgusted me. Removing her scent in the Hudson was as relieving as being away from the city. And yet, as I stared at the skyline from Jersey City, I could not help but try to vomit again. New York was not my city, but it was my city today.
PORTLAND (1976)
"My God, Garrett, is that you?" Mary looked at me curiously.
I was huddled in an alley, my coat tucked tight around me. I had hoped no one would notice. I picked up her scent a quarter mile before she approached me, and the scent of another vampire. He smelled neither ominous nor inviting. I wasn't in any shape to fight him. I felt as though I was starving.
Mary approached me slowly. "What happened to you?" she asked quietly.
I knew my eyes had to be black as coal. I hadn't hunted in two weeks. The smell of the humans was no longer enticing. My clothes were in shambles, my long hair tattered and covered in all means of vile and disgusting things. I hadn't bathed in years. I knew my face was covered in dirt, because no human had mentioned my appearance in sunlight for months.
Another vampire stood behind Mary, average in almost every way. His hair was brown, he was no more than six feet, and his clothes were normal.
Mary pulled her hood down, and the rain fell quietly on her lovely chestnut hair. She was as beautiful as I remembered.
"Garrett?" she asked again.
"What the hell do you want?" I spat, and pulled away when she reached out to me.
"Do you know who I am?" she asked, and looked at me as though I was crazy.
"Of course I do. You're the bitch who ruined my life." I muttered, but the other vampire heard and immediately crouched. I snarled at him, but backed away.
"Randall, stop!" Mary pleaded, and then turned back to me. "Garrett, tell me, what happened to you?"
"Life," I said coldly. "Or rather death. This hell where you sent me. This hell I can never escape."
I turned from them and fled. Hers was the last face I wanted to see.
LAREDO (1964)
"Did you read this one yet?" I asked, handing the comic book to Peter. "It's called The Amazing Spider-Man. It's about this high school kid with spider powers. Only he's not really a superhero. His life is actually worse because of his secret identity."
"Really, Garrett, I hope Peter isn't won over by this trash that you read," Charlotte said. Peter glanced at the comic book in my hand, and looked away. But I saw his eyes look back.
We sat in a hayloft outside of the town on the Rio Grande, waiting for the sun to set. I had been with Peter and Charlotte for only a few months, but I could barely stand either one of them. The fact that their blond hair was so close it nearly matched. That Peter rarely had a thought that Charlotte did not. They were perfectly suited. For each other. But not for me. Jasper was wrong.
Peter pulled Charlotte into his arms, and they began kissing. I could already tell where this would go. "I'll give you two some privacy, I said quietly. I grabbed the other comic books I had purchased and left the barn, moving out into the empty grass. I sat by the river and spread them out before me. I enjoyed how Peter Parker could not be with Betty Brant because of his secret. It reminded me of Sabine. I knew only too well how secrets could destroy.
I waited until they were at the height of their passion, and left quietly. I would never be like them. I could never be with them. Such was not my destiny.
BANGOR (2006)
"It's been awhile," I said, after waiting for them to make their approach.
"That's because you won't go to the World Series or the Super Bowl anymore! I haven't seen you in four years!" Emmett exclaimed.
"I don't go to games when one of the teams represents a state or region. The damned Marlins ruined everything for me. How do you support Florida? Or New England? Or Carolina? It doesn't even make sense. But I was at that Super Bowl in Jacksonville. A depressing bit, that was." I smiled at Emmett broadly. I liked him immensely. A lot more than his brothers. Or his wife.
"I guess we missed each other," Emmett said, and stuck out his hand. I shook it gladly.
"You remember Rosalie, right?"
"Of course," I said, and nodded to her. She did not reply. I often got the feeling that when Emmett went to sporting events, they were like bachelor parties. Rosalie did not approve, I could tell.
So I was surprised when she spoke.
"Garrett, we have a problem, and we were hoping you could help."
CANYON CITY (1976)
"Let me at least get you a bath," Mary insisted. "You stink like vermin."
I lay staring at the Cascade Mountains, looking up at the sky. I was fortunate to find a hiker on my trip east, and was at least better fed. I knew Mary was following, but had hoped she might have given up.
"I am vermin," I sighed after a moment, hoping she would go away.
"Get up and come with me. I'm going to find us a place to stay in that town, she said, pointing to the small settlement in the foothills. "You need this."
"Why the hell do you care? And what happened to your mate?" I asked harshly, ignoring her when she grabbed my arm and tugged.
"Randall is not my mate. We are…temporary companions. And I told him to enjoy himself in Portland. You are coming with me." She pulled my arm hard, and I realized that I had fed so infrequently, she was stronger than I was.
I let her lead me into the town, Canyon City, and waited outside while she paid for a room at the only hotel. The manager looked at me harshly as she led the way down the hall and quickly unlocked the room and shoved me in, pushing me onto the bed.
"Are you even feeding, Garrett?" she asked glumly as she pulled my boots and jacket off.
"Not unless I have to," I sighed. "And I don't need your help."
"Oh really?" She arched an eyebrow at me, and before I knew it she was tearing my shirt off and unbuckling my pants.
"Mary, I don't want to - " she rolled her eyes at me, and pulled me bodily from the bed, shoving me into the shower. She turned the spray on high, and tossed me the soap.
"I don't want to either. But no vampire that I sired can go around like this," she finally replied frostily, and slammed the door to the bathroom.
I had to admit, she was right. The shower was filthy even before I began to lather the soap on my body. I was disgusting. Even the vagrants I usually hunted were cleaner than this. There was nothing for my hair, so I washed that with soap as well. I turned the heat up on the shower, too high for human skin. It felt good. I had no idea how long I was in there before Mary knocked on the door.
"I burned your clothes and found new ones," she said loudly.
"Bring them in!" I shouted.
I heard the door open, and was out of the shower immediately. Mary looked at me in shock as I clutched her to me.
"Garrett? What are you doing?" I ignored her, and kissed her full in the mouth. She struggled for a second, and then she was responding.
"I want to feel something. Anything," I said quietly, and released her. The steam moved past her out the door. I didn't know how she would react.
My body slammed against the tile of the shower, cracking it in hundreds of places, and she ignored the fact that her shirt and jeans were wet as she kissed me, passionately.
"I need to feel something too," she sighed, her lips moving down my chest.
It was only when we lay in each others arms that I realized how wrong everything was.
PHILADELPHIA (1980)
"Emmett, Jasper, it's nice to see you again." I inclined my head.
"How can you be a Phillies fan!" Emmett exclaimed. "I know that you're crazy, but you can't be that crazy!" He shook his head, and he and Jasper both put out their hands.
"I was born and raised here. If I don't love the Phillies, who will I love?" I replied, smiling back and shaking each of their hands happily.
"Well, I prefer football. When the Volunteers are good," Emmett said, and slapped me on the back. We walked through the city, and they updated me on their family, which was now living in Philadelphia while they attended Penn. Emmett had a great love of sports, and was thoroughly enjoying his surroundings.
"Obviously, it's nothing like vampire baseball, but it's great. Have you ever watched hockey? You'll love it!" Emmett droned on.
When he finally finished, I turned to both of them. I knew where they were going. "I'm not ready yet," I said softly. "Maybe someday," I looked up at the house that smelled distinctly of vampires. I knew their brothers and sisters could smell me. Edward could probably hear my thoughts.
"I'll see you at the next one, Garrett! It's about time I met another vampire who liked sports." Emmett nudged me with his elbow, and to my surprise, hugged me for a moment.
"I'll be with you in a moment," Jasper said, and waited for Emmett to go inside before motioning me away from the house.
"I haven't had to use my powers," he finally said.
"No. I don't need it." I did not want to elaborate.
"I'm glad Alice was right, Garrett," he nodded to me, and walked away, back towards the house. I glanced back once, and then went on my way.
CANYON CITY (1976)
I released Mary and left her on the bed, going back to the nearly destroyed bathroom. I stared in the mirror, looking at my bright red eyes. They still disturbed me, even after one hundred and ninety years. I splashed water on my face. It wasn't enough.
This was wrong. Not just what I had done with Mary. Everything about me was wrong. I was always doing the wrong things for the right reasons, or the right things for the wrong reasons.
I could have fun without being suicidal. I could go on adventures without hurting the ones that I loved. I didn't need Susan or Mary or Sabine, William or Danny, to make me who I was.
I stared harder, trying to find the real me, the real Garrett. Who was I? Without the women and the covens. Without the death wish and the depression.
I was Garrett. I loved adventure. I loved the hunt but not the kill. I loved my freedom. Life was not bliss. But I could be happy. Because I was still alive. It struck me like a sledgehammer. I might be a vampire, but I wasn't dead. As close as I could be, but I still made my own choices. I still had everything that made me who I was. Only death, or my on stupidity, could take that away. I had to go on living. Even if I wasn't alive.
"Enjoy your epiphany," Alice's voice whispered in my ear.
I was pulling on my new jacket when Mary appeared in front of me. I had been waiting.
"Good luck, Garrett. I'm glad I could help," She said quietly, and ran her hands through my hair, tucking it behind my ears.
I left her with a smile on my face.
BANGOR (2006)
"Look, Garrett, the Volturi are coming to - " Emmett started.
"I'm in!" I exclaimed, and grinned at them. "Where do I sign up?"
Author's Note #2:For the few international readers I have that may not know anything about American geography or sports: Bangor is in the state of Maine; Portland and Canyon City are in Oregon; Laredo is in Texas, the Beatles sang "Ticket to Ride" when they played the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, California on August 30, 1965; the Philadelphia Phillies beat the Kansas City Royals in the 1980 World Series for their only championship in their 115 plus year history to now when Tug McGraw struck out Willie Wilson for the third out in the top of the ninth inning of game six in Veterans Stadium, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at 11:29 Eastern Time on October 21st; the Florida Marlins won the World Series in 1997 and 2003; the Carolina Panthers went to the Super Bowl and lost in 2004; and the New England Patriots won their first Super Bowl in 2002, as well as defeating the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl in 2005 in Jacksonville, Florida. The usual acknowledgements to the things I basically stole from: the Angel season 2 episodes "Reprise" and "Epiphany", from which the chapter title comes from; Aspen Extreme with the shower scene, believe it or not; and Garrett's epiphany is a happier version of Spike's final lines of the song "Something to Sing About" in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Once More With Feeling". And the Philadelphia Phillies are only one run and nine outs away from winning the World Series. For the love of the gods don't tell me I jinxed them by writing this before they actually won. That was the whole reason I waited. Let's go PHILLIES!