An: Okay, going to slowly start trying to get back onto here after my hiatus. Sorry for the wait, and if you read some of my other stories I will be trying to work on them too.

Base wide Communication:
From: Autobot Scout Bumblebee, Guardian of Samuel Witwicky.
Bumblebee's Guide to Humans (Pt 1/?)

Human terms that do not necessarily mean what you may think:

1) I'd hit that.
-This is most often a sexual pass. So, no, Ironhide, when Epps said this in regards to Maggie it was not 'necessary' to tackle him with your holoform to protect her.

2) That's cool orIt's cool.
-Various forms of this phrase, but despite what it should say in regards to temperature humans often use it to say that something is slagging awesome. Do not adjust the temperature inside of you to better suite them if they say it.

3) My head is going to explode
-An exaggeration. There is no recorded reason of human heads exploding without due cause.

4) He's on fire.
-Not literal, means he's doing a good job and possibly doing it quickly. So, no, Ratchet, Will wasn't actually on fire.

5) Spanking the monkey.
-Sam has refrained from explaining this one to me, but there are no monkeys on base nor would we let the humans spank them without due reason.

6) *insert name here*'s happy time.
-Pretty sure this is a sexual reference when used by men or regarding males, but Sam has refused comment on this as well.

7) So hungry I could eat a horse.
-Physically impossible for a human to eat a whole horse. Exaggeration of hunger.

8) That's gay, he's gay, she's gay.
-Gay means happy, but humans interchange it to mean homosexuality. Use the context of the situation to pick which.

9) Eating out, blow job.
-More sexual terms Sam refuses to explain to me. If enough want to know I'll ask Mikaela or Miles.

10) You almost gave me a heart attack!
-Generally used when a human is scared. Do not, I repeat, do not take them to Ratchet. They are not really about to have a heart attack.

What not to do ever:

1) Go on the internet and look up any sexual things regarding humans or even animals. It can give you a virus, and most humans are uncomfortable when asked about what fetishes they might have or if they like pain.

2) Go on the internet and look up 'fandom', 'slash', 'het', 'otp', or a-Just don't google anything unless mature content is blocked.

3) Click on any link that Robert Epps, my charge, Miles, Glen, Fig, or any of the soldiers/civilians on Prowl's Glitch List.
-Once again, make sure mature content is blocked on whatever search engine you're using, but watch out for Miles and Glen specifically. They know how to get around that safety measure, somehow, which continuously causes Prowl to crash and Ratchet to get pissed.

4) Don't go on the internet unless it is a link from Captain Will Lennox or a search engine where the safety is on.

5) Don't ask a human anything about fandom, slash, het, otp, or any other weird phrase you might hear unless it is Mikaela, Maggie, or Mrs. Lennox, and only on Saturday's around eleven when they have their girl time.

6) Do not ever ask 'Why?' when a human does something you deem stupid. Most of the time you don't want to know.

7) Do not ask what a human might mean when he/she says they ship us.

8) Do not ask why certain humans ship Sam and I, Sam and Optimus, Sam and- Sam is currently in a relationship with Mikaela Banes and they are both happy.
-Scratch that, he didn't notice her new haircut and she got mad at him.

9) Human femmes are confusing, as you might see above in number 8. Never call any of them superficial, shallow, materialistic, or any other degrading term even if they are acting as such. Optimus Prime has little power against them.

10) Humans can have various mates during their lifetime. Do not scoff at their idea of a Sparkmate. Will and Sarah are considered Sparkmates.

11) Question a warning Will gives you. Captain Lennox is one of the humans truly looking out for us, even against our allies on this base. Epps will send you to the twins, either set, and the others can be bribed.

12) Put bets on what humans will get together.

13) Put bets on what humans will get on a fight.

14) Claim a human.
-Sam doesn't understand that when I say 'mine' it means platonically but that I would still die for him. Humans.

15) Get on Will's bad side. No one can save you then, not even Optimus.