"Stupid," I muttered under my breath.
The dark-colored door stood closed behind Edward, mocking me. I tried not to glare at it, but as immature and irrational as it may be, I can't help but feel a slight disdain towards the unmoving object.
Edward has left my office through the stupid door approximately a minute ago. I haven't moved from my spot behind the desk, my eyes still trained on the heavy door.
Stupid, stupid Bella.
Why did I say that?
Groaning, I hung my head and placed them on my forearms. I could have gone a day without disrupting Edward in the middle of his speech to say that I am currently seeing someone. Regardless of how serious it may be, I should have waited for him to finish, instead of just assuming.
Typical Bella.
With my head still down, I continued to mutter curses under my breath, most which was directed at myself.
After a few moments of my muffled cursing, the sound of a soft knock on the door disrupted me from my tirade. The sound was loud in the quiet room, its echo reverberating through the unoccupied space.
"Come in," I said, my head still resting on my forearms.
I assumed that the person on the other side was Jane, who was surely about to remind me of something that I have to accomplish this afternoon. I muffled my groan, no wanting to work anymore.
I heard the door opening slowly, whoever was on the other side seemed apprehensive.
"Do you want to go out for coffee?"
My head whipped up so fast that I briefly wondered if I might be able to snap my neck. That voice does not belong to my intern.
"Edward?" I asked, rather stupidly, since it was obvious that it is Edward Cullen standing in my doorway.
'Hi," he grinned sheepishly, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
"Hello," I said automatically. "What are you still doing here?"
My question seemed to have taken him aback, his face registering surprise before he was able to mask his features.
"I, uh," he stammered, stepping back into the office. His hand moved to scratch at the back of his neck.
I watched his movements like a hawk, my mind still processing that he came back.
Edward came back.
For coffee, it seems.
"Edward?" I said, trying to get his attention.
"Yeah," he answered, his eyes going to my face. "Would you like to have coffee with me, Bella?"
"Now?" I clarified.
"Yes, please," he smiled, which prompted me to give him one of my own.
I looked around my desk, the clutter taking up most of the space. The empty mug of coffee sits beside my keyboard, the contents long drained. I contemplated for a few seconds even if I knew what my answer was going to be.
"Sure," I said, a small smile lingering on my lips. "Just give me a sec to straighten up here."
Edward's answering smile was infectious, fascinating me with the way it made his face glow.
I hastily saved the document that was currently on my screen, all the while checking the items on my desk. After making sure that everything was where as it should be, I grabbed my purse from under the table and turned to Edward.
"Ready?" he asked, still smiling at me.
"Yeah," I nodded at him, walking around the desk to stand beside him.
We quietly walked out of my office side by side, with some heads turning our way. One in particular caught my attention.
Angela gawked at us as we passed by her desk, her face a perfect picture of shock. I quickly turned my gaze away from her and focused on the elevator doors at the end of the hall; I didn't want her to question me with Edward nearby.
The elevator ride was a tad bit uncomfortable, since the car was empty except for the two of us. We didn't speak, we merely stood next to each other with a few inches between us. The tension inside was almost palpable, I wanted to ask Edward how he's been, and why he's really in New York, but it felt like it would have ruined the ease we had back in my office if I opened my mouth.
Finally, after a few more moments of tense silence, we have reached the building's lobby. Edward directed me outside and to this little café hidden between the tall buildings.
He offered to buy me coffee and I almost declined but when I saw the look on his face, it deterred me to do so. Instead, I now sat at a table in the corner of the shop, watching as Edward ordered at the counter.
My eyes inevitably trailed along his body, now noticing the way he was dressed. He was wearing this green shirt that matches the color of his eyes paired with chino pants that hugs him in tantalizing ways.
I gulped down the dryness in my throat, and I knew that if I hadn't been so shocked at his sudden appearance earlier, my heart would have jumped in my chest upon seeing him.
In the exact same manner as it is doing now.
I cannot take my eyes off of him, the way he moves, so graceful and sure, and his smile, the one that says he's genuinely nice. His hair was casting a variation between shades of brown and red, the colors captivating my interest.
Suddenly, Edward turned to look at me and when he saw that I was watching him, he gave me the crooked smile that I loved the most.
I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, my cheeks heating up over the embarrassment of being caught.
Edward chuckled lightly, the sound so faint that I could not have heard it if I weren't paying enough attention.
I averted my eyes away from his form, travelling over to the artworks on the other side instead.
The colors were vibrant, probably made to elicit the feel of liveliness from those who would gaze upon it. It would have had that effect on me if it weren't for the man wearing a green shirt standing by the counter.
I covertly moved my eyes to look at the counter again and see that Edward was done ordering and is making his way towards me.
I angled my body towards the paintings on the wall, determined to act as if I wasn't watching his every move.
"Hey," Edward said, his voice close to my ear.
I looked to him slowly, almost jumping back in my seat as I noticed just how close he was. His face was a hairsbreadth away from mine, his nose almost skimming the side of my face.
I'm embarrassed to think that he could hear the beat of my heart, as it seemed like it was pounding loudly in my chest. My breaths were coming in short spurts, the air probably hitting Edward in the face. I averted my face from him slightly, prompting eyes to move back to the portrait I was looking at earlier.
With the color high on my cheeks, I tried to hold my breath, wiling my heart to calm down. The struggle must have been evident on my face because I could hear Edward chuckling near my ear.
Irritation blossomed in my chest, making me to fully turn towards Edward.
"What?" he asked, his lips twitching as he tried to control his laughter.
I just rolled my eyes at him, even flipped my hair in his direction.
This made Edward laugh hard, like a full belly laugh that caused the other customers to look at us.
"Just sit down," I told him, looking around the shop to see that people, mostly women, were still looking at Edward.
This irrational feeling suddenly coursed through me, making me shift my chair closer to Edward's. I looked covertly at him trying to see if he's noticed how the women within the vicinity were looking at him.
Edward was looking at the side of my face, his expression unreadable. I turned to face him fully, quirking my eyebrow as I did so.
"What?" I asked him, feeling self-conscious as he continued to stare me.
"Nothing," he smiled, looking down briefly at his cup. "Here, I got you coffee, just the way you liked it."
He pushed a cup of steaming black coffee with just a tiny hint of milk in my direction, the aroma filling my senses.
"Thanks," I muttered, reaching for the sugar.
We sat in silence for a while, the both of us simply enjoying our cups of coffee.
I watched as Edward seemingly looked like he was content, like no words could ever describe what he was feeling at the moment.
I envy him, given how conflicted I feel right now as I sit beside him.
Staring down at my cup, I watched as the liquid swirled around, creating an endless loop of dark depth.
"Did you know that your eyes are like the sweetest caramel coffee?" Edward asked quietly.
I looked up at him, startled at the way he phrased his question. He turned to me and smiled before he looked down again.
"It's just, you have the sweetest gaze I've ever stumbled upon, ever." He said, looking up at me through his lashes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the color of a ripe tomato now, the heat in my cheeks uncontainable.
"Shut up," I said, clearing my throat.
Edward chuckled lightly at me, his eyes looking directly at mine. My gaze went back to the painting on the wall, the one with the portrait of a lady looking over a window. The way the colors blended creates a mystifying look of the breaking horizon at the background, giving the focal point of the picture look serene.
I turned my attention back to Edward after a second, to find him looking at the picture too. I could see that his eyes were moving over every detail, his face serious.
"So," I started, trying to catch Edward's attention, "what have you been up to lately?"
He quirked his eyebrow at me before he began speaking.
"Well, I've been cutting loose ends in Forks lately," he said, smirking at me.
I rolled my eyes again, catching my tongue just in time before I demanded that he should take me seriously.
"Obviously," I scoffed, "but what made you decide to leave Forks and come here?"
Edward didn't seem surprised with my line of questioning, it actually looked like he was expecting it from me.
He just looked at me for a while, his eyes roaming all over my face before he answered.
"I just figured I needed a new start," he shrugged.
"Why?" I insisted, getting a little impatient.
"Because," he simply said, as if the matter was as innocent as a choice between yes or no.
"Edward," I sighed, exasperated.
"Are you sure you really want to hear this?" he asked, his brows furrowing.
I nodded mutely, waiting for him to start.
"I moved to New York because I don't want to miss another chance," he said.
"With what?" my brows wrinkled in confusion.
"With us, Bella," he breathed, "I don't want years to pass us by again, not this time,"
"But I'm-"
"I know," he interrupted, "You're seeing someone, I know."
I gulped down inaudibly, my mind swimming with different scenarios of what would have happened if Edward had come after me earlier.
I can't deny that these images in my mind were giving way to butterflies in my stomach, making me wish for him to have gone sooner.
Maybe we would have worked things through, or maybe not.
Maybe we would have been able to start anew, without all the pain and hurt we've caused each other.
Maybe we could have been happy together now, having outgrown our immaturities.
But regardless of all the maybes and what ifs swirling through my mind right now, it still cannot shake off the fact that he didn't.
That he's let time come between us again.
Edward's hand gripped mine on the table, the warmth from him spreading through my arm and travelling to my chest.
I turned my palm up, weaving my fingers through his. He squeezed my hand in his, the feeling akin to the tightness surrounding my heart.
With our eyes trained on each other, the silence between us wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It speaks for us, how time and time again, we always seem to miss our chance.
I know, I thought.
I know exactly how you feel, Edward.
AN: Thank you for reading!
P.S.
sri ffn and purpleC305 are hosting the P.S. I Love You contest! Submissions will start on Nov. 5, 2016. For more details, you could go to their fanfiction page and/or Facebook account.
Hope to see you there! :)