Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just for fun.

Spoilers: Season 3, episode 3

Reddick and Holder have just been yelled at by Skinner for what he perceived as a screw up in the investigation of "Goldie" and his porn videos – they had staked out Goldie's place and then chased him down, only to find that the "unidentified female" in the car with him was his mother. Skinner isn't especially pleased with Linden, either, since doesn't have any good news for him in the case herself. After Skinner leaves the room, they're all quietly processing what just happened. Linden and Holder move to stand facing each other, but don't say a word to each other. Reddick is hovering alongside them, though they're ignoring him. They're all quiet for a few minutes, until Linden decides to broach a new topic.

"I just talked to this girl, Tiffany, who was one of the porn actors." She's speaking only to Holder, as if Reddick isn't even in the room, and she's as direct and straight to the point as ever.

"She's alive, huh? There goes your 'find the porn maker, find the killer' theory," Reddick interjects.

Linden and Holder continue to look at each other, ignoring Reddick and his comment. Holder waits silently, knowing Linden well enough to know she's leading somewhere with this information.

"She says she can't remember the film-maker, but I don't buy it. I'm pretty sure they had some sort of relationship and I want to know who he is," Linden says, once again directly to Holder.

"But he didn't kill her. What's your theory about that?" Reddick is working very hard to be acknowledged in this conversation, but it's not working. The only thing he is doing is pissing Linden off.

Once again, Linden completely ignores him, still talking only to Holder. "I got a feeling my girl knows more than she's saying. I want to have another go at her, and," she pauses, the words unfamiliar and uncomfortable, even bitter, in her mouth, "I could use your help."

Reddick is getting pissed off at her for ignoring him, like a little kid who thinks he knows it all but can't make his parents listen. "For God's sake, you know what?" He clears his throat. "You should go over that list of Johns arrested for beating up prostitutes. See if any of them has any connections to medical facilities. That'd be a better use of your time, wouldn't it?"

Suddenly, Linden is at her breaking point with this man that she despises so much. She wants to shut him up once and for all. She turns and speaks to him for the first time, asking bluntly "Carl, why are you still here?"

Reddick takes a drink of the coffee he's holding. "What?" he asks in surprise. After being ignored so many times in a row, he's surprised that Linden has suddenly turned to acknowledge him. He's not sure about that look in her eyes – it's definitely not friendly – and he's not sure what she's talking about. It's making him uncomfortable.

Linden continues to look at him with an icy glare. 'What are you doing here? I mean really."

Holder is still facing Linden, looking down, while Linden turns to talk to Reddick. If Reddick expects his partner to back him up, he's going to be disappointed. The look in her eyes is truly frightening, and Holder's glad he's not the object of her wrath right now. But that's not why he's staying quiet. He's not afraid of Linden.

Linden suddenly reminds Reddick of a very dangerous animal who's been cornered, and he realizes that he's the one making that animal angry. Not good, he realizes too late.

Before he has time to think about it further, she continues quickly, her voice low and unfriendly, "Haven't you ever wondered why you never made Sergeant? I'll tell you why. Because 23 years of experience, and all you are is in the way."

And with that, Linden turns and walks away, out of the station and into the night. This was why she didn't ask for help. Holder had just stood there looking at her, and Reddick had acted like a moronic, attention starved five year old.

I'll do it all myself. I'm better off by myself anyway, she thought bitterly.

Slightly shocked by Linden's outburst and subsequent departure, Reddick looks at Holder, who still hasn't said a word through this whole exchange. "I'm talking to Skinner about her. She's going 5150 on us."

Still Holder says nothing, doesn't even look at Reddick. He can't believe that she just said all that to Reddick… Holder understands why she did it – he understands Linden pretty damn well – and he knows that at that moment, he has a choice to make. He probably should have made it faster, but he was just so surprised.

Linden bursts through the door of the station into the parking lot. She lights a cigarette, then continues to her car. She's riled up from the confrontation with Reddick. Such an asshole, she thinks to herself. And what the hell, Holder? He'd never even said a word, that entire time. Well fine, be that way. Fuck you, Holder! I didn't need you anyway.

She's still standing there fuming when Holder emerges from the station a minute behind her. "Yo, Linden." He crosses the parking lot, catching up with her at her car, where she's standing outside the open driver's side door. "I'm coming with you…"

She's glad to see him there, though her actions don't betray this fact. She's still mad at him, but relieved at the same time.

He adds his one condition: "But I'm driving." For once, she doesn't even care who's driving. She hands him the keys and goes around to the passenger side of the car without a word.

Because yes, she's still mad at him, but they always did make the best team, and if he's in, she's in.

Linden

"I could use your help."

Did *I* really utter those words? Is this some sort of alternate reality? I'm sure I threw Holder for a loop, because I'm pretty sure I've never actually asked him for help before. Definitely not using those exact words, anyway. Hell, I shocked myself by saying that! I can't remember the last time I asked anyone for help. There is NOTHING I hate more than needing people. When you need people, it means they can hurt you… and people are assholes, and they usually will hurt you. No, not usually. Always, it's just a matter of time. And leave… eventually, they all leave. Better not to give them the chance to do any of it.

I tried to ignore Reddick, but as usual he just wouldn't shut up. I didn't want to have to attack him, I tried not to, I just couldn't stand hearing his voice anymore, having him think that I gave a fuck about what he was saying. I was talking to Holder. He's the only one whose opinion I care about, whose judgment I trust. Regardless of what the duty assignments are right now, Holder is my partner. He has been since we started the Larsen case together, back when I thought I didn't need or want a partner, when I thought that I was leaving anyway. He dragged me back into this world for this case, and he's the only one I can work with, the only one I'm going to work with, no matter what Skinner says.

I really thought I'd made a mistake for a minute there, asking him for help. I couldn't tell if he was so shocked that he was speechless, if he was mulling over what I'd said, or what. Goddamn Reddick wouldn't shut up, so it was hard to tell what was going on. Holder probably felt like I was making him choose – Reddick or me, his current partner vs. his "former" partner. In a way, I guess I was, or I can see where it would seem like I was. Because Reddick and I were pulling in such opposite directions, Holder wasn't going to be able to play both sides, keep us both satisfied with his reaction.

I guess I kinda stormed out after I told Reddick off. I couldn't stand to look at his stupid face anymore… and it seemed like Holder was gonna just sit there and do nothing, not even answer me… I felt like the world's biggest dumbass. For asking for help, for needing help… because I pride myself on not needing help, not needing people. EVER.

I have to admit that I was glad when he followed me outside. I shouldn't have doubted him, I know… except I couldn't help it. You'd think after all this time, I'd know better… but I just can't help it.

Holder

Holy shit, Linden just asked me for help! That took me more than a few minutes to process.

I always thought the odds were better that I'd be struck by lightning in the middle of an open field on a bright sunny day while snow fell down around me than live to see the day when Sarah Linden asked me – or anyone, for that matter – for help. She didn't want to, I could see that. She kinda paused before she said it, like the words tasted bad, or something. Come to think of it, to her they probably did.

As soon as Linden started ignoring Reddick, I knew I was going to have to choose a side. Reddick's not a bad guy, but he's a dumbass, really and truly. He seems to thrive on putting Linden down, whether it's to her or to me. I ignore most of it, but enough is enough. I know the code – about supporting your partner and all that shit – but I can't support him at her expense. No way. I understand where Linden's coming from, even when she pisses me off. I understand why she told Reddick off, whether it was the right choice or not. And I could also see that that moment was where I had to choose, one of them or the other.

I don't like to be in that position, and ironically, I think they were probably both expecting me to make the same choice… Deep down I think Reddick thought I'd back him up – because he just really doesn't get it – and I think Linden assumed I'd choose him too, because that's Linden. She expects everyone to disappoint her, to screw her over, to leave…

And that's the biggest reason why I can't.

…

Tiffany's place wasn't too far, just across town. Linden stared out the window as he drove, not speaking to him, watching the lights on the houses and buildings that they passed. Holder knew that she was still pissed at him. He probably would have been pissed at him too, if he was her, he told himself. As well as he knew her, he should know that having told her in the past that he had her back, he could not afford to look like he was breaking that promise.

"Linden, I…" he started, not sure exactly what he wanted to say.

"It's fine, Holder. I get it. I put you in a bad situation. It was my fault." She was still looking out the window, looking pissed despite what she had said.

"No, you didn't, Linden. And it wasn't your fault. Reddick was being a jackass, and I could've said something…" He glanced at her, but she was still not looking anywhere near him.

"Forget it, Holder," she sighed. She was glad he'd come after her, that would just have to be enough.

"Not until you hear me say it. I'm sorry, Linden. I don't want you to ever think that I don't got your back, because I do. That whole situation sucked, but there was never a question in my mind what I was gonna do… Okay? I'm sorry if I moved too slow for you to see that. Reddick's not a bad guy, but we both know he's an ass when he wants to be, which is most of the time. No question about it. Dunno why he has such a problem with you, but it's his problem." He paused and took a breath. "You an' me, we're BFFs. Alright?"

She turned away from the window and actually looked at him this time. Despite her determination to let the whole thing roll off her back, telling herself it didn't matter, she didn't care, what he said had gotten through to her. She made the same face – a half grin, rolling her eyes – albeit slowly and against her will, that she did almost every time he used the teenage expression to describe their friendship. It always sounded silly, but when you came down to it, it was true. He was her best friend. "Yeah, okay," she conceded.