Beautifully Broken

(Chapter Thirty Six: Temporary Home)

"That's the last box," Elliot said closing the hatch on the back of Olivia's black SUV.

Olivia stood on the street staring up at the apartment window.

"Baby, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said turning to look at him. "I'm just gonna miss this place, you know? This was our first home together."

Elliot slipped his arms around her and kissed the side of her neck.

"It's still ours. And in a few months we will be back. All three of us. And you can take Mia shopping and we'll take her to the park. And all of the guys at work are going to love her. Everyone is going to love her."

Olivia exhaled and forced a smile.

"We've got to get on the road, baby. If we leave now we still have time to stop by the precinct and for a quick goodbye. I hate to rush this, but I have to be back at work on Monday and I want to make sure we have time to get settled into the house first."

"I understand," she said as he held the car door open for her.

"I put your pillow here between the seats incase you want to catch a nap while we're on the road. It's gonna be a long drive."

"Even longer when I have to pee every ten minutes."

Elliot smiled.

"If you have to pee, we will stop. It isn't a problem."

"You say that now," she joked as she climbed into the passenger's seat.

They stopped by the precinct and said their goodbye's then got on the road. The first several hours of the trip seemed to last forever. Elliot listened to a crime novel on a CD while Olivia took little catnaps and stared out the window watching the world pass her by.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember the beach and that beautiful place on the boardwalk where Elliot first proposed to her when they were kids. She smiled a soft smile at the thought of their daughter being born in the city where she and Elliot had finally become husband and wife. Things were going to be strange for a little while, but it was all going to be worth it to finally be able to share her life with her husband and soon, their baby girl.

"How are you ladies doing over there?" Elliot asked as she stared out the window.

"We're good," Olivia said smiling back at him.

"There is a little town about fifteen miles up the road. I thought maybe we could stop and gas up the car, maybe get out and walk around a little bit. Are you ready for a bathroom break?"

"I'm always ready for a bathroom break," she laughed.

"We can find a place to get some dinner, get a room."

"It isn't even dark yet. Are you sure you want to stop this early?"

"You look exhausted. And you have been cramped up in this car for so long. We can turn in a little early tonight and get started early in the morning."

"I thought we were pushing for time?"

"We are actually making pretty good time. I don't want to over do it," he said rubbing her belly.

"You are so overprotective and she isn't even here yet."

"You're my wife and she's my daughter, it's my job to be overprotective. Besides, I read that stress can induce labor and I want to make sure we make it to San Diego before the baby comes."

Olivia laughed.

"Alright, let's stop."

"So, what are you hungry for?"

"Actually, a big bacon cheeseburger and fries sounds really good."

"Cheeseburger, it is."

Elliot pulled into a gas station and filled up the gas tank. He found a little diner for them to eat at and ordered his wife a cheeseburger and a chocolate milkshake. After dinner he got them checked into a nice hotel and brought in snacks from the car while Olivia was taking a hot shower to unwind.

When she got out of the shower, Elliot had pulled back the blankets on the bed and the snack food spread out across it, picnic style.

"What is this?" Olivia asked with a smile.

"I thought we could find a good movie and just relax the rest of the evening. I know it is still a little early to go to bed, but being all cramped up in that car isn't good for you or the baby."

Elliot patted the bed beside him. Olivia made her way to her side of the bed. Elliot grinned at her attempt to hide the pregnancy waddle as she moved. The baby was due in just a couple of weeks, but it seemed as if Olivia's belly got bigger every day. He smiled as he stared at his pregnant wife.

He had always heard that pregnant women had a glow about them, but it wasn't until this pregnancy with Olivia that he had realized how true it really was. And though she was very self conscious, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and Elliot made it a point to remind her every day.

"What?" Olivia asked catching him staring at her as she ran her brush through her dark hair.

"I was just thinking…." he said pausing for a moment.

"Thinking what?" she asked.

"How much I love my wife and baby. I have got to be the luckiest man in the entire world."

"You are the sweetest man in the world," she said kissing him tenderly.

"Is it just me or does this belly get bigger every day?"

Olivia laughed.

"Thanks, El. Yes, I do believe I get fatter every day."

"That isn't what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"I mean….the baby gets bigger….and that makes your belly look….appear more…."

"Round?"

Olivia giggled.

"I know what you meant," she laughed as she pushed a Cheeto into his mouth.

"I love you."

"You better," she said with a playful grin. "Seeing as I am about to push a seven pound bowling ball through my vagina."

Elliot kissed her again.

"Baby, I'm nervous. Are you nervous?" he asked her.

"Nervous about the move?"

"Well, that and the delivery," he said smoothing his hand over her belly.

"Why are you nervous about the delivery, I'm the one who has to do all the work," she joked.

"You're not nervous?"

"Maybe a little. It all seems a little scary when it is happening, but it everything will be just fine."

"What if I pass out? Or what if you are in so much pain you can't stand to look at me and kick me out of the delivery room?"

"Relax, that is what the epidural is for."

"I mean it. You are going to be in so much pain and there wont be anything I can do to help."

"If you want I can walk you through some of the things we learned in birthing class."

"You took a birthing class?"

"When I was pregnant the first time. Courtney went with me. They teach me things like the best ways to breathe and you things that help you be a good birthing coach. It was a long time ago, but I am sure it hasn't changed that much."

"I wish I had been here. Then and this time. Early enough during this pregnancy that we could have taken these classes together. I am her father, I should know these things."

"And you will. Everything you need to know, you will learn."

"You sound so sure. I love her so much, but loving her isn't enough. I have never been around kids. Never changed a diaper, I have never even held a baby. And now I am about to have one. I want to be a good father for her, but I don't know anything about parenting."

"El, it will be okay. This is just stage freight. It is getting close to time and that is a bit nerve wrecking. I will show you everything I know and we can learn the rest together," she said kissing him tenderly. "You are going to be an amazing father."

"You really think so?"

"I know so, I have faith in you."

Elliot kissed her forehead.

"I love you so much, Liv. And I know together we can make it through anything. You are my strength."

"You are so sweet," she said pressing her lips to his.

"You look so tired."

"I am tired, but I am not ready to go to sleep. I think miss Mia wants to stay up and play a while," she said placing her palm against her belly to feel their baby girl kick.

Elliot smoothed his hands over Olivia's belly and kissed the place where he felt his little girl's heartbeat inside.

"She's excited," he said.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, she can't wait to get to her new home in San Diego and get her room set up so she can finally come out of there and meet her mommy and daddy."

Olivia smiled.

"I can't wait either," she joked. "I getting really tired of being pregnant and I have not even reached my due date, yet."

"I thought you enjoyed being pregnant?"

"I do. Once you get over the constant heartburn and morning sickness, gas pains, raging hormones and insomnia, nasty prenatal vitamins and wicked stretch marks, pregnancy is really a beautiful thing. But the last couple of months are kind of hard. I am tired all of the time, but I can't sleep most of it. I have started having braxton hicks. My ankles are swelling and I can hardly wait to finally get to hold my baby.

"Braxton what?"

"They are like false contractions. Well, they are real contractions, but not really labor. Like my body is preparing for delivery. It happens during the last part of pregnancy."

"I didn't realize this was all so hard on you."

"No one ever said pregnancy was easy. And it all pays off the moment you get to see your baby."

"I can't wait for us to get settled into the house and get the nursery set up and then Mia can come. I just wish we could skip ahead a little bit."

"Don't skip ahead too far. Maybe just to right after the epidural kicks in. I can handle everything after that," she joked.

"Do you think you are gonna be happy in San Diego?" Elliot asked as she laid her head against his shoulder.

"I am happy where ever you are. As long as our family is together, I will be happy."

"Let's get some sleep," Elliot said turning off the lamp beside the bed as Olivia settled in against his chest.

Elliot was out within a few minutes. Olivia, however, spent the next four and a half hours watching television and waiting for Mia to settle down for the night, before she finally fell asleep.

After what seemed like a thousand hours of driving and two hundred stops so Olivia could pee, they finally arrived on base. Olivia slid her sunglasses up on the top of her head to get a better look as they drove past a several houses to a section of apartments in the back. She was sure Elliot was just playing around with her until he parked the car and walked around to open the door for her.

"What do you think?" he asked as she stared at the rundown looking building unsure of what to say.

"It's a duplex," she said trying hard not to show her disappointment.

"Is that a problem?"

"Not until we bring home a newborn baby and she keeps the neighbors up all night."

"Come on," I want to show you around.

Elliot locked his fingers between hers and lead her up the walk. Olivia held her breath as he unlocked the front door to their new home.

"It is three bedrooms. The first two are here," he said pointing to two small rooms across the hall from each other. "And the master bedroom is back here," he said opening the door to a room that except for the walk in closet was not much bigger than the other two. "Bathroom on the left and the kitchen is over here." She watched as he opened a small pantry door, "washer and dryer. And this is the living room."

"There's no dining room?"

Elliot walked a few feet across the living room to a wall.

"It's right here. Well, a dining area. It is a little smaller than I would have liked, but it was kind of last minute."

He watched her for a moment as she looked around the room a little stunned.

"Liv?"

She was trying so hard to think of something nice about this place, the last thing she wanted to do was disappoint him.

"I like the furniture," she said looking at the only pieces of the apartment that hadn't already been stained or destroyed.

"Well, I just called a furniture rental place so we had something right away. I figured we could go down and actually pick something out together once we got settled. But we need something to live on until then."

Olivia couldn't look at him. She couldn't face him, he had tried so hard. She didn't want him to know the truth about the way she felt right now. She couldn't let him seen the disappointment in her eyes or know that at this moment she was really homesick and wondering if this move wasn't some huge mistake.

She looked around the room and took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves. She felt her bottom lip quiver a bit and the warmth of a single tear as it made its escape and slid down her left cheek.

"So, what do you think?" he asked again as he slipped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

"It's…."

"Baby, are you crying?"

"No," she whined hating herself in this moment. "Yes," she whimpered.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Olivia couldn't speak. She shook her head and just stood there, tears now pouring down her face as she broke down.

"You don't like it?"

She couldn't lie to him, she could never lie to him.

"I hate it," she whined again trying not to face him and feeling like a HUGE bitch for telling him the truth.

"Liv, come here and talk to me," Elliot said leading her to the sofa to sit down.

"I'm so sorry, El. I know how hard you tried and I appreciate it. Really, I do."

Elliot listened for a moment as she sobbed so hard he couldn't even understand the words she was saying.

"It just isn't what I imagined," she said raising her head to look around once more. "It's….it's…."

"It's a dump," Elliot said staring into her eyes.

"Yeah," she sighed as she nodded her head.

"I know that. It was last minute and this was all they had open at the moment. I couldn't bring my pregnant wife all this way without a home to live in. Think of it as our temporary home."

"How temporary?" she asked in a worried voice.

Elliot laughed and smiled.

"Come here a minute," he said leading her out onto the walk in front of the apartment. "You see those," he said pointing to all of the houses they had drove past on the way in."

"Yes."

"That is the new family housing. They will be finished in just a few weeks and are assigned by rank. I am on the top of the list for a three bedroom, two bathroom as soon as they open them up."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he replied wiping away her tears and kissing her tenderly. "I wouldn't expect to live here with my wife and raise our baby here. This place is nowhere near good enough for you or for Mia. My family deserves much more than this."

"Oh thank God," she signed in relief. "I'm sorry, El. But I don't want to live here for the next year of my life. I would do it if it meant being here with you, but I really would rather not."

"Well, I'm not sure if we will be able to get moved into the new house before the baby comes. But I will do everything I can," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I will talk to them at work tomorrow and see if I can get them to show us a floor model. Then we can get an idea of how you want to decorate. Mia will have a real nursery and we can set it up anyway you want it. And hopefully we will be all settled in before our baby girl arrives. It will be okay, I promise."

"I didn't know how to tell you I didn't like this place. You worked so hard to make things nice for us to move."

"Olivia, I am never going to be angry with you for telling me the truth about how you feel. I love you more than life and all I want is for you to be happy. I know you have kind of been on your own a lot through out this marriage, but you can talk to me. You can trust me. I want us to be able to be the way were before. You are still my best friend and you always will be."

"And you're mine," she said softly. "I was just so afraid I was going to hurt you. And I am sure that I overreacted at least a little bit, part of that is the hormones."

"No, I really should have warned you before I brought you in here. I guess I just thought telling you I found this place last minute would be enough. Listen, if you would rather not stay here, that is alright, too. I can get us into a hotel until the house is ready. We don't have to sleep here."

"It's fine. I'll be fine, we'll be fine," she said placing her hands on her belly. "As long as we are here with you, we will be just fine."

"Good," he said kissing her tenderly. "But I still hope they get the house done really soon. This place smells."

"You noticed it, too? Good, then it isn't just me."

"No, it smells like."

"An old shoe."

Elliot laughed.

"I was thinking stale cigar smoke."

Olivia smelled the air.

"Stale cigar smoke and an old shoe. Trust me, it is the pregnancy thing. I am like a freaking bloodhound. I can pinpoint a smell from a mile away."

"Well, whatever it is, I will see if I can somehow find a way to air it out. It cannot be healthy. Welcome home," he said kissing her.

"Temporary home," she corrected him.