Hey everyone! Thanks so much for your continued support as this story starts to wind down. There is roughly four chapters left, including this one, so all those loose ends will start tidying themselves up really soon.

As ever, a huge thank you to my beta Susan for being so wonderful. And also big thanks to Judy for pre-reading. I love them both.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters. I'm just playing around with them.

Bella

Time dwindled; the hands of the clock seemed stuck, but that familiar tick still echoed through the room, proving otherwise. Finally, light began to filter through the small gap between the curtains. I watched as it gradually moved across the carpet, all the while waiting for the minutes to pass so I could get up and start my day without it still being at a half-light outside. I wanted to act and feel normal, get out of bed as normal.

The sliver of light eventually paused in its progression, unexpected sunshine highlighting the school books that lay haphazardly on the floor from where I'd uncaringly kicked them off the bed last night. The sight instantly brought about a flurry of images I wanted to forget, but couldn't; torn paper with words that bled as I tiredly rubbed at my eyes.

Sleep had been hard to find since Friday, and in a nutshell, I was exhausted. I couldn't switch my brain off long enough to settle down, thoughts of the weekend impossible to get away from.

Yesterday was the hardest though, by far, and my chest hurt just from thinking about it again now.

I hadn't thought seeing Edward would be that painful. I'd had all weekend to mentally prepare myself for it, knowing it was inevitable – knowing I wouldn't not see him around – but I soon realized that nothing could brace me for the real thing. No amount of tears or whispered promises to myself could halt those feelings that came crashing down upon me in the harshest of ways, while looking at him and knowing he was no longer mine.

I'd felt him as soon as he walked into the kitchen yesterday morning. Em's silence confirmed the cause for my suddenly-rapid pulse as I squeezed my hands together tightly, my muscles tense as I kept my back to him. I was determined to ignore him, and I had, for the most part. But as soon as we'd been left alone, it became unbearable and I had to escape. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him with no words between us, couldn't stand the distance and awkwardness that lingered in the room. It hurt, and I hated him and loved him, and wanted him to stop looking at me because he was making everything so much harder than it ought to have been.

I was supposed to be over it. I was supposed to be immune to his bullshit. I was supposed to be stronger than that.

But, ultimately, I'd lied to myself all weekend in order to hide a hurt that was going to take a while to heal. Because the truth was, I wasn't over anything. And I knew no amount of words would change that anytime soon.

I'd been so confused at his reaction when I'd tried to leave the room. His glass had slammed to the table as I passed, which had caused me to pause and finally meet his gaze.

And the expression on his face... He was angrier than he had any right to be, especially after the way he'd treated me Friday night. What did he think was going to happen? He'd told me maybe, and he hadn't tried to contact me once over the days that followed. He had ample opportunity, I knew he'd been home all weekend. I'd asked. We'd finished things. He'd finished things. And in the end, I guessed I had, too. I was so tired of getting my heart broken. I was so tired of being the one that always gave in and forgave. I simply wanted there to be nothing to apologize for in the first place.

It was unfair; he'd been unfair, asking me if we could talk, and standing so close while staring at my mouth, igniting things inside of me that I couldn't let flare. I'd felt trapped and shaky, and hated the hold he had over me – hated myself for wanting to lean that little bit forward and press my cheek to his and cry.

But I hadn't done any of those things. I somehow managed to walk away, deny him. He'd already said enough three days prior.

It had been so much harder than I'd anticipated though; so much harder than I'd ever thought possible to see him and act like I didn't care, act like my heart wasn't being torn in two just from the sight of him alone.

I'd spent a good portion of the weekend alternating between crying into my pillow and hating myself for doing so. But I was hurting, and I had to let it out somehow. I was just proud I hadn't reached for the ice cream like every typical script out there depicted when someone got dumped by their boyfriend. Frozen dairy products did not mend a broken heart, I didn't care who was trying to push it. Ben and Jerry could go fuck themselves.

The hardest part of all, though, was him telling me he missed me. Sitting beside him in that small classroom while he slid that piece of paper across the desk, trying so hard not to look at what he'd written, and in the end failing... Those few words sent jolts straight to my heart, shaking me inside and out. I'd not anticipated them, especially after the way things had ended between us. I was sure he'd pretend he didn't care, and sometimes I wondered if he ever fully had. But those words he'd jotted down contradicted that, completely beguiled me, and I was lost and trapped, and so confused. He'd always had that effect on me though, so that was nothing new. I'd never truly known where I stood with Edward. And I still didn't then. Yes, he'd told me he cared about me in the past, but something had been stopping him from going that step further, and maybe it was because he just never felt it, which I think hurt just as much in the end. Nevertheless, with just four words, he'd caused hope to rise and float, threatening to buoy me up with things that were nowhere near enough to make everything right again.

But at least, for a time, I hadn't been sinking.

I finally pushed myself from the bed and dressed quickly for school, pulling my hair into a messy ponytail on the top of my head as I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, frowning at the dark circles under my eyes.

This all felt so dramatic. I used to laugh at those girls on the TV that would cry and act like their life was over, but it did kind of feel that way. Love was a funny thing. When it was good, it was the best feeling imaginable. And when it was bad, you wanted to stab it in the eye with a fork.

My eyes fell upon the box of tissues that was empty thanks to a strong few hours of crying on Saturday. I hadn't been alone though. Alice had been with me for that. And a few others, too.

And needless to say, our chat had gone differently than I'd expected.

...

I was just about to head back upstairs when someone knocked on the back door, causing me to jump and lose hold of the bottle of water between my palms. It dropped on the tile floor with a thump, the plastic thankfully holding out. I froze at the noise, muscles instantly locking down as my heart sped up in both anticipation and fear, a heady combination that caused that uneasy feeling in my stomach that always made me feel like I was going to be sick. No one used the back door but Jake and Edward, and I knew it wouldn't be either of them. It couldn't be – they weren't a part of my life anymore, last night had seen to that. But that still didn't stop my body from responding the way it did as the briefest flicker of hope bloomed inside my chest.

With shaky legs and a racing pulse, I took a deep breath and pushed myself forward, berating myself for being so stupid. The knock came again just as I gripped the handle and I pulled the door open without any further hesitation, meeting the dark blue eyes of my best friend. At least, I hoped she still was, because I really needed her right then. It was selfish... I was selfish in so many ways. And I knew I had a lot of apologizing to do, and didn't deserve an easy ride, but I wanted her forgiveness just the same.

"Alice," I breathed, shifting one foot and then the other, nervous as I pondered her reason for being here. Well, no, that was a lie. I knew why she was here, we had a lot to talk about, but I was surprised to see her knocking at the back door like that. She'd always just let herself into the house from the front, forgoing waiting for either me or Charlie to answer the door. This was different, and I didn't like it. It suggested things had changed between us in the space of a few hours. And with a heavy heart, I realized maybe they had.

"Hey," she greeted, rubbing at her arms. "Can I come in?"

I frowned, but instantly stepped aside as I spoke. "You know you're always welcome. You don't ever have to ask," I told her, chewing on my lip as I stood there awkwardly.

I closed the door behind us, and took a deep breath as I thought about how to start things. I should have known Alice would beat me to it though - patience was generally not one of her strong points.

"I'm sorry," she said, causing my gaze to snap up to her face. "For last night," she added, as if it were obvious.

I shook my head. "What? Alice, no, you haven't done-"

"No," she interrupted, holding up a hand to halt my insistence. "The way I spoke to you... I was kind of a bitch, and that wasn't fair of me."

I felt my brows pull together as I considered her words. "You weren't a bitch, Alice," I disagreed. "I'd been lying to you. You had every right to be upset."

"Maybe," she shrugged, "but that still doesn't make it right."

She made her way over to the table and pulled out the nearest chair before dropping into it. We were both quiet for a while before she began to speak.

"I wasn't upset with you, you know," she informed me, staring at a particular knot in the wood.

Instincts kicked in, and my mouth opened before I'd really thought about what I wanted to say.

"It wasn't just Edward," I blurted, immediately coming to his defence. I took a deep breath, shocked at how easily I felt the need to back him up. "It was me, too."

She smoothed her fingers over the coaster left out from Charlie's cup of coffee this morning as she watched me, a small crease between her brows. "That's not what I meant," she responded after a few seconds, confusing me further.

Nothing was going as I'd thought it would. I was the one meant to be apologizing here; I was the one who shouldn't be making any sense, not Alice.

"I don't understand," I admitted, finally taking a seat at the table. "Who were you angry at then?"

"No one, really," she answered, leaning forward in her chair. "Well, at least not because of the reasons I'm sure you're thinking of," she added as an afterthought.

I tried to think about what Alice could mean, but was coming up blank. "You've completely lost me," I said.

She bit her lip, evidently hesitant over her next words. "I already knew," she responded, her face almost portraying guilt. My brows furrowed as her hands started to fidget on the table. "About you and Edward, I mean," she quickly added. "I knew."

My words died on my tongue as her gaze met mine; confused and relieved and guilty for my own reasons.

"What?" I choked out, my mouth dry. "How? Why didn't you say anything before now?"

My head was a jumble of thoughts, dizzying lights and flashes with intermittent script.

She shook her head, eyeing me warily. "It was pretty obvious, B," she said, blue eyes serious. I startled at that, genuinely shocked. I'd thought we'd been so careful.

"It was?" I asked lowly. I drew my bottom lip into my mouth, a bad habit that became prominent whenever I felt nervous. I really shouldn't have been wholly surprised that Alice knew though; she was far more perceptive that the average person and my mom had always told me my face was an open book for anyone that chose to look hard enough.

She nodded, a small and sad smile forming at her mouth. "Yeah," she answered. "At least it became so around Christmastime."

I closed my eyes on a long exhale, suddenly extremely tired. God, she'd had an inkling this whole time... which meant that all those months of hiding had been completely pointless. This entire messy situation could have been avoided if we'd just been honest from the start. I wouldn't be sitting here wondering if my best friend was still just that – and I wouldn't have that horrible anxiety that clouded my chest whenever Edward's name popped into my head.

Alice had said she wasn't angry with me, and I believed her, for the most part. But she had been terse that night, understandably so. Friends didn't keep secrets from friends, especially when they involved another family member.

But if she'd had a problem with it, surely she would have voiced her opinions by now? She wasn't one to usually hold back, I knew this; so what had Edward been so scared about? Was it all just lies to get me to accept his reasoning, mess me around, knowing he never wanted anything that serious with me? I didn't think that was true, but I couldn't think straight.

"So you all knew?" I wondered, twisting the sleeves of my cardigan. I wasn't including Jazz in that, as he'd evidently known quite some time, unbeknownst to me until yesterday. It looked like Edward had been keeping just as many secrets from me, too.

"Rose and I sort of figured it out together," she admitted, pursing her lips. "Em didn't find out until last night though."

I winced, knowing that must have been shitty to realize everyone had sensed something apart from him. "Is he mad?"

"Um, not at you," was all she said, eyes drifting to the window behind my head. I didn't ask anything more – didn't ask her to clarify. I didn't have to, the expression on her face said it all.

"I thought you'd all hate me," I whispered, swallowing against the sudden lump in my throat.

"Bella, no... No one hates you," she pressed, ducking her head to catch my gaze. "That's one of the main reasons I'm here right now. Edward mentioned something about you feeling like... this, last night, and I had to come tell you that no one thinks anything of the kind."

I tugged at my sleeves. "Really?"

"Really," she repeated. "Nothing has to change between us if you don't want it to." That worried look came back over her face again, and I wanted to wipe it all away.

"I'm so sorry I kept things from you, Allie."

Her lips upturned into a soft smile, one that spoke of hurt, and I hated seeing it. "It's okay," she assured. "We're okay. I mean, I was a little hurt that you felt you couldn't trust me, but I knew you'd tell me when you were ready."

"It was never about not trusting you, Alice."

She sighed. "I know... deep down. It's just hard to convince yourself of certain things sometimes."

I knew about that all too well.

"Yeah," I agreed, my words exhaled on a sigh.

"I'm really so very sorry," I whispered, feeling my throat threaten to close up again.

She reached across the table and took my hands in hers, squeezing them tightly.

"I know... and so does everyone else," she assured. "We love you," she smiled, her eyes glistening. "You're my best friend, and I'd be a pretty bad one if I let something like this get in the way of that."

I matched her smile and she laughed as she wiped at her eyes.

She rounded the table and moved her chair closer, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

She studied my face silently for a short while, eyes soft. "He loves you, you know," she nodded, taking my hand again.

My heart quickened at her words, and I tried to ignore it. This had to stop.

"I don't know everything," she continued, ignorant to the turmoil inside of me, "and I know he fucked up, but believe me when I tell you, I've never seen him like this with a girl before. Ever. He cares, even if he doesn't show it."

Her words were piercing my heart, letting all the hurt and Edward back in again. Not that he'd ever really left in the first place.

I looked to my lap, and picked at the fuzzy bits of material on my cardigan. "He's never told me though, Alice," I breathed, swallowing heavily. "Not once."

She sighed and mumbled something under breath, the words "stupid" and "idiot" standing out amongst the others.

"He may not have admitted it out loud yet, but he feels it right here," she said, placing her hand over her heart. "And that's the most important part."

I looked away, refocusing back on my fingers.

"I know my brother, Bella," she said. "Just give him time."

I bit the inside of my cheek, the thoughts floating through my head making me restless. "I'm not sure I want to though, Alice," I said heavily, hating how the words sounded on my tongue. "He really hurt me," I added. "And not for the first time."

She squeezed my hand as I held back my tears. "God," I laughed humourlessly, clucking my tongue. "I'm such a mess right now. I shouldn't be crying like this in front of you; I should be non-stop apologizing, not have you mother me."

"Shush," she admonished, sounding so motherly that this time when I chuckled it was true. She pulled me into a hug, and I wrapped my arms around her as silent tears streaked their way down my cheeks in hot trails. I didn't think I'd ever felt so much like a girl until that moment, crying over a boy like I was.

"Thank you, Allie," I whispered, so very grateful for this girl.

She jostled me about, causing me to giggle, and I promised myself there and then that I would keep nothing from her again.

"Bella?" she voiced after a few minutes had passed.

"Yeah?"

"Um, I don't want to spoil this moment or anything, but do you think we could get you some tissues soon? You're kind of slobbering on my shirt."

I laughed out loud at that, and pulled back with an apologetic smile, watching as she looked down at the wet patch on her shirt with a scrunched up nose.

She ran up the stairs after I mentioned there was a box of Kleenex in my room somewhere, returning a minute or so later.

"Is he home?" I murmured, pulling a tissue from the box. I didn't clarify who I was asking after, she'd know.

Dread and anticipation built as I waited for her answer, a stone fist around my heart.

Her mouth twisted to the side, hands on her knees as she looked back at me. "I haven't seen him this morning," she started, pausing for a moment. "But yeah, he's home."

I nodded, instantly relieved he wasn't with anyone else. The thought of him so easily over it, was unbearable.

She placed the box on the table. "How did it start?" she asked as she pushed a handful of tissues into my hand.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I mean, it was nothing to begin with, just a stupid game between the two of us. I had Jake and he had his little whatevers'. But then it became more, and my feelings grew and grew," I explained.

"You love him." It wasn't a question.

I nodded. No words were necessary.

"And Jacob?" she asked.

I held back a wince. "Wants nothing to do with me," I replied. I'd royally fucked up my friendship there. But I was determined to make it right, if he'd let me. I didn't want to think about the prospect that that may never actually happen though.

"Do you want to come over to mine, watch some sappy movies with me and Rose?" I could see what Alice was doing, and I loved her for it. But it was too soon. And I simply couldn't be around him.

"Do you think we could maybe do that here, instead?"

She pressed her lips together and sighed, a nod of agreement sent my way. "Let me text Rose real quick."

I smiled gratefully and pressed a kiss to her cheek before picking up the forgotten bottle of water that still lay on its side from almost an hour before. I was just getting another from the fridge when the front door opened, when not one, but three people came bursting into the hallway.

"Where are the snacks at?" Em winked upon coming into the kitchen, ruffling my hair and opening the first cupboard he came to. "I know you've got some in here somewhere, B. You're like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter, and I can't watch this shit without having food either doused in fat or sugar. Preferably both."

I pointed to the cupboard beside the one he was already rustling inside, stunned.

"You weren't even invited," Alice scowled, rolling her eyes.

Rose dumped her bag onto the table, nudging my shoulder with hers. "I couldn't keep either of them away," she grumbled, gathering my hair into a tie she pulled from her bag, straightening out my mess of curls.

"Mom hasn't gone shopping yet, so there's nothing good left in the house," Em responded, pulling out a tub of cashew nuts. "See, what did I tell you? Nuts!"

Jazz pushed him out of the way with a snort. "And what do you mean you can't watch a chick flick without food? You're talking out of your ass," he laughed. "Don't even try and deny your love for The Notebook."

Em widened his eyes comically, looking the picture of innocence. "What?" he shrugged. "It reminds me of the first time Rose and I did it, because she wouldn't stop talking or asking questions—"

Rose swiftly clamped a hand over his mouth, cheeks heating in embarrassment or anger – probably a mixture of both.

The room got quiet.

"Dude," Jasper groaned, quickly breaking it. "I so don't want to hear that crap."

A smile found its way to my face as I watched my friends bicker and laugh like always.

They were acting normal for me, the very best friends anyone could hope for.

And yet as we all settled in front of the TV in the lounge, I still couldn't ignore the fact that someone was missing.

OoOoO

Lessons dragged, my head constantly filled with anything but school. I'd tried phoning Jacob this morning, knowing he'd be awake. He had school, too, after all. No one had answered the first time, and on my second try it had gone straight to voicemail. I thought about leaving a message, but in the end decided against it. I didn't want to leave a rambling apology that he may or may not listen to. I wanted to speak to him, not an automated service.

This wasn't the first time I'd tried ringing him. I'd phoned the house phone late Sunday evening, hoping to catch him out. Billy had answered though and seemed to know something wasn't right between his son and me, but he didn't outright say anything; he just informed me that Jacob wasn't home and told me to have a good night. I'd wondered if he was lying for a moment before realizing that Billy wouldn't get involved like that. He'd leave us to our own devices when it came to fallings out. He always had, ever since we were kids. This was so much more than petty kid differences though.

We'd fight over the stupidest things, like who got to ride on his dirt bike first, or who could have the last can of orange soda out of the fridge. I usually won with the dirt bike, and he with the drink. He'd always be the first to say he was sorry, but this time I knew it was all me. There was no reason for first apologies from him. They were all mine.

The bell rang, breaking me from my reverie, signalling time for gym, a class that I'd been dreading, mostly due to the fact it was filled with the main three people I wanted to avoid like the plague: James, Tanya, and lastly, Edward. All were for different reasons of course, but each one had affected me somehow in their own way during the past few days, and if I could choose not to see them, I'd literally jump at the chance.

I hadn't spoken to Edward again this morning. He'd been eating breakfast in the kitchen when I'd arrived at the Cullen's, and I'd bypassed him and gone straight to Alice's bedroom, where I proceeded to stay until we had to leave for school. She'd asked me if I was okay, something she only did when we were alone, and I asked the same question, holding back a flurry of others I had about the heart-racing-on-sight boy downstairs.

It was getting harder though, not speaking to him. I knew it wouldn't last, that it would be next to impossible. It still didn't mean I didn't want to try though. My stubbornness was my biggest downfall.

Alice caught up with me in the corridor, coming from whatever class she'd just had.

"Ready to kick some butt?" she asked, waving at a bunch of freshmen that were staring at us as we passed. I'd been quite the talking point yesterday, and had thankfully managed to get through the day without having to hide in one of the toilet stalls in the bathroom just to get away from the stares. It didn't seem as though the attention had died down quite yet, but I could deal with it. At least I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I could, which was as good as it was going to get.

"Aren't I always?" I joked, sighing as Alice pushed open the door to the locker room.

Rose was already half-dressed into her stuff when I started to slip on my own shorts.

"It smells like cheap perfume in here," Alice whined, scrunching up her face as she slipped off her shirt. "I bet I know who it's coming from, too," she smirked, eyeing Jessica Stanley as she applied lip gloss while staring into her hand-held mirror.

Who actually put on lip gloss to play volleyball or whatever the hell Coach Clapp had in store for us today? But then I remembered her thing for Edward, and those doubts all sort of fell into place.

I was terrified he'd move on quickly, despite having told me he missed me. You could miss someone and still do stupid things, or maybe not so stupid things; either way it didn't always matter about the person who had been around, but who was around now. And I definitely fit into the first category.

I knew he wouldn't get with Jessica or Tanya, but there were others in the school that had done nothing but dote on him since he'd moved here. And then there was college in a few months, where there would be new girls and new experiences. Each thought along those lines crushed me a little more inside.

I closed my locker door with a deep breath and followed the others into the gym.

I spotted Edward instantly, all chaotic hair and crooked smiles, chatting with Jazz and Em, his eyes darting back and forth to the door. I realized we were making our way towards them, and wanted to hang back. But that was childish. And I'd been enough of that lately.

My eyes met Tanya's across the room, her smile overly sweet. My fingers clenched into fists – I hated her. I smiled back though, showing her she didn't intimidate me. She may not have been the instigator on Friday, but she'd still been a part of it. And I seriously didn't know what made a person want to purposely do something like that. I decided she must have been incredibly unhappy herself, because happy people just didn't do that stuff.

James strolled up next to her, and my eyes instantly formed into slits at the sight of him. He had come up to me yesterday, all fake concern and calculating stares. I'd walked off without a word; the very thought of him touching me, or even speaking to me made me feel sick. I didn't hate him for hurting me, but I did for him including Jacob in his fucked up little scenario. Granted there wouldn't have been one if I'd been honest with Jake a lot earlier, but I couldn't take that back now. I'd made a mistake; I was nowhere near as perfect as he believed me to be.

And I hadn't wanted to hurt him, however much my actions from the outside may have belied that. I loved him, just not in the way he wanted. It wasn't the fact I was with Edward, but the fact I'd carried on pretending with him for all those months while my feelings laid with another.

Now more than ever, I wanted to know what had caused that divide between them. I had Jacob's side, but Edward had promised me that his reasoning wasn't true. He'd sworn he'd never used Leah like that shortly after the death of her father. But then why did Jacob think that if it weren't true? Jacob could be a lot of things when pushed, but he wasn't a liar.

I had a feeling the only straight answer I'd get would be from the girl involved herself. And I wasn't sure I wanted to face her, let alone ask her for the truth. Charlie spent more and more time with Sue now, so I knew I'd have clear opportunities to go over to the house if I wanted to tag along. Plus there was Seth, who I hadn't seen in a few weeks now, but knew would hang out if I asked him to. I missed his easy going fun and smiles, and hoped I hadn't changed anything too much between us. I knew he looked up to Jake, I just hoped he wasn't too disappointed in me that he'd not want to talk. It was weird, but I really cared about how he saw me, maybe because he didn't have a bad bone in his body. He was one of the good kids that hadn't been altered by the bullshit that occurred day after day. A good soul.

I felt a tug to my hair, and smiled at Jazz as he sidled up next to me. "You okay?" he whispered, looking casual.

"Fine," I nodded, swallowing nervously when I felt Edward stand on the other side of me. I could feel the warmth coming right from him.

"Bella," he greeted, head bent in my direction.

I bit my lip and looked forward, catching the look on Alice's face as I did so. She was staring at her brother and me, sadness marring her features, and I hated to see that, so I pushed my own issues aside and spoke back.

"Hi," I said, quickly glancing his way. Or at least that had been the plan. He was closer than I'd originally thought, and for a moment I was tempted to get lost in green, green eyes, but thankfully Coach Clapp decided to walk into gym at that exact moment and call the class to his attention, signalling the end of all discussions for the moment.

I was all too happy to step away, needing the distraction from the even bigger one beside me.

"Listen up class," he bellowed, hands by his sides. "Get yourselves into groups of six; half of you on one side of the net, the other three opposite. Shake hands, say hello. They're now your opponents for the next forty minutes."

Emmett immediately made a grab for me. "I choose Bella," he said, and I had to steady myself on his arm, in danger of tripping over my own feet.

"Jesus, Em, careful," Edward snapped. I kind of froze at that, my gaze instantly snapping towards his face. He was frowning, hands lodged into his hair as he tilted his face upwards.

It felt weird, him saying these things now that we were no longer, well... anything. It brought about a wave of feelings I attempted to push down, but couldn't quite get rid of.

Rose grabbed my hand, breaking us all out of the funk we'd landed in. "And I'll make the three," she said with a swing of our arms. "Do you want to get the ball then, losers?"

"Oh, you're going down, sis," Jazz smirked, earning a high five from Alice.

"Yeah they are," she agreed, laughing as she skipped over to the basket of tan coloured rubber balls.

"We should talk strategy," Em whisper-shouted, earning a snort from Rose.

"You may want to lower your voice, then," she said with a roll of her eyes.

He pinched her ass, causing her to squeal rather loud. "Geez, Rose, you may want to keep it down. You're drawing attention to our super secret strategy talk right now."

I cracked up fully for the first time in days as she shot him a glare, the good kind that made your cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

"I don't know what you're laughing at," Em teased. "You're basically it."

I wiped at my eyes. "It what?" I asked.

"The strategy."

I raised a brow. "How so?"

"Our strategy is keeping you from hitting the ball."

"Ah, I like this strategy."

"Of course you do. I made it up."

I exchanged a smile with Rose as she shook her head lovingly at her boyfriend. I immediately felt that pang inside my chest knowing I didn't have that anymore, but tampered it down.

"Let's get this show on the road, then, El Capitano," I said.

He grinned. "I like that name."

"Of course you do," I smiled. "I made it up."

Em's laughter pretty much stayed present for the whole of the class, as our strategy backfired.

Edward caught on pretty quick to what we'd planned, and kept sending the ball over my way. I was getting frustrated, which only made him do it more. I knew what he was trying to do; he was trying to rile me up, get me to pay attention to him. It was working.

We'd always behaved like this with each other though, and now seemed to be no different. Soon it became a back and forth game of volleyball between just me and him, each return he made just making me further determined to actually attempt to hit the ball back, which never turned out quite right. I ended up hitting Newton on the back of the head twice despite the fact he was on the next court over, which had Rose in stitches, the mascara smudging underneath her eyes a little. She'd laughed so much.

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath as I bent over at the waist. I was pretty sure this was the hardest I'd ever worked in gym before.

I narrowed my eyes as Edward raised the ball into the air and threw his other hand behind it, sending it sailing my way. I reacted on instinct and flung my own hand out, watching as it flew back over the net. And hit Edward straight in the face.

"Shit," I whispered, forgetting I was meant to be keeping my distance, as I made my way over to the other side of the net.

Jazz and Alice were trying not to laugh, while Em was openly doing so.

"Are you okay?" I asked, reaching out to touch his face before I realized what I was about to do. He grabbed my wrist before I could pull away fully though, and pulled me closer, resting my hand on his stomach.

He looked down at me, eyes darting about my face. "I am now."

I bit the inside of my cheek. "Don't do this."

"Do what?" he asked, his thumb rubbing over my pulse point.

My lips parted, cheeks warming. "Touch me," I clarified. "I don't like it."

"Your body says otherwise."

"My heart doesn't though," I amended.

He licked his lips. "No? What does it say?" He was staring straight at me, other hand holding the ball against his side.

"It says you hurt it," I swallowed, trying to pull away.

His eyes darted to my mouth before resting on my eyes once more. "Let me make it better."

"No."

"Yes."

I gritted my teeth. "Stop."

"I can't."

I wanted to say so many things, but didn't, but managed to pull away and take a step back without tripping. "I'm sorry for hitting you in the face."

He rubbed his cheek. "I'm not."

"Why? Are you into that kind of thing now?" I said sarcastically, unable to help myself now that we were actually speaking, even if it was just to argue. He still had the cuts on his face from Friday night, and I wanted to run my fingers over them and kiss him. It was messed up. My head was all messed up.

His hand dropped from his face, expression serious. "No, because it got you to finally talk to me."

I pulled in a shaky breath, hating the effect his words had on me.

"You can't say things like that," I said, glancing at the small audience of our friends as they pretended not to be watching.

"Like what?" he questioned.

I tugged on the end of my shirt. "Like you care."

He frowned, his lips pursing ever so slightly as the whistle blew, Coach Clapp signalling the end of class.

He didn't say anything and I didn't wait for a reply. So I guessed it wouldn't have mattered even if he had.

OoOoO

I spent my lunch hour in the library, rushing to get the biology homework – that I hadn't done the night before – completed. And all the while I berated myself for kicking my books off the bed last night in frustration.

My inability to concentrate was something I was sure wouldn't be disappearing anytime soon, and it was irritating me to no end.

Finally finished, I was just packing away to head to biology when I heard the chair next to me pull out. Thinking it was either Angela or Alice or one of the others, I immediately smiled, the action lasting no more than two seconds when I saw who it really was.

"What are you doing here, James?"

I wasn't friendly; I didn't smile or say hi. I wanted him gone; far, far away from me.

"Is that any way to greet a friend?"

I wanted to laugh, but was afraid I'd cry instead. "You're not my friend," I said adamantly. "You never have been."

He sucked on his teeth as he folded his arms on the desk, eyes cold. "Tell me," he started, flicking at someone else's pen forgotten on the table. "How's Jacob? He looked pretty upset last time I saw him. He was a friend of yours wasn't he?"

I swallowed thickly but said nothing. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"How about Edward?" he smirked, tapping his knuckles on the table. I turned my head away.

"You know, I saw it coming with him," he sighed, clearing his throat afterward. "He just can't commit."

I felt tears prick my eyes, but didn't let them fall. He wasn't worth getting upset over.

"He was your friend, too, wasn't he?" he said, his voice making me cringe. "And now you have no one at all."

His words were a punch to the gut and I had to get out of there.

I got to my feet suddenly, surprisingly him a little as the table jostled. "I feel sorry for you," I whispered, not wanting to draw attention to us.

His mouth formed a thin line. "And why's that?" he wondered.

"Yes, things aren't great right now, but at least I had people to lose in the first place," I stated, watching his face harden. "While you... You've always been all alone, and you always will be. You sicken me," I hissed, grabbing my bag off the chair.

The bell rang just as I got out of the library, and I had to rush to get to biology on time, nearly dropping my books in the process twice, a little shaken up after my run in with James.

I managed to quickly slip through the door just as Mr. Banner was about to close it, narrowly missing getting squished. "Nice of you to join us Miss Swan," he said dryly, earning me stares from the rest of the class.

Go about your business people.

"Sorry," I breathed, dumping my bag on the desk I shared with Edward, a sigh of relief leaving my mouth as the weight left my shoulder.

Edward was already in his seat as I sat, his body angled slightly towards me, his head bent but eyes focused solely on me. "What's wrong?" he immediately asked, eyes drifting over my face.

"Nothing," I answered, shutting him down.

He jaw tightened but he dropped it, his gaze still on me though.

Mr. Banner didn't pause for breath through most of the lesson, and I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from reaching over to touch Edward's in front of me, his long fingers tapping incessantly on his notebook, distracting me the whole time. I could tell he was still agitated from earlier, but I didn't want him getting into any more fights over me.

It felt like I was being pulled in all different directions, and I didn't know which one to take.

This was the class he'd always attempted to somehow touch me in, whether it was a thigh against my own as he moved his stool nearer, or his hand holding mine under the table, and I had to stop myself from turning my head to see if he was still looking at me, his gaze addictive.

Every nerve ending was on alert, and whenever he shifted in his seat, I found myself doing the same. Thankfully the bell rang just as I thought I was about to go crazy, and I wasted no time in packing up my books.

"And before I forget," Mr. Banner announced as I got to my feet, his voice louder than normal so he could be heard over the hum that had built as students got ready to leave, "I expect your project essays in by the end of the week. This means final draft, and absolutely no do-overs! You've all had long enough."

I instinctively looked beside me, knowing that I'd have no option but to finish this with Edward.

His head rested in his hands as his elbows hit the table, fingers scrunching at his hair as he met my gaze. And I swore I saw the hint of a smile playing at his lips. I scowled.

I knew for a fact neither of us had written a word for our final findings yet; we'd simply just jotted down notes and the like. And I was pretty sure the impressions that I had recorded were up in Edward's bedroom somewhere.

Shit.

"Shall I come over then?" he wondered, swiveling around on his stool, his hands gripping the outer metal of his seat in-between his legs, drawing my eyes downwards. Oh good God.

"No," I said with a shake of my head, quickly pulling my bag over my shoulder.

He licked his lips. "When, then?"

"I don't know," I exhaled, eyeing the door. "I'll think about it."

He got to his feet, his nearness resulting in goose bumps across my skin. "Why can't you answer me now?

I looked anywhere but at him. "Because I can't," I answered lamely, quickly stepping around him, not wanting to get caged in. Today had been too much, and I needed a break away from him.

I heard his sigh as I passed, but I ignored it, gulping in a huge breath as I pushed the doors to the front of the school open, more than ready to just go home.

OoOoO

"You okay, Kiddo?" Charlie asked as we were eating dinner. "You seem kind of... off."

It was rare that he was home around this time, and I'd jumped at the chance to cook us something. I'd gotten pretty lazy just cooking for myself. Not to mention I was so fed up with sandwiches. Steak and potatoes were a blessing right then, and I was grateful for the fully stocked fridge thanks to Sue's trip to the grocery store for me when I'd returned home from school.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, shoveling a forkful of potato into my mouth so I didn't have to say any more.

He jerked his head slightly, not quite a nod, his eyes assessing. He so knew I was bullshitting, but thankfully left it alone.

"Well, as long as you're okay then," he uttered, getting up to place his plate in the sink. "I better be off. You sure you'll be alright cleaning all this up by yourself?" he asked. As if he even knew how to wash a dish. Well, I'm sure he knew-knew, but just didn't do.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Dad."

He harrumphed. "Make sure you lock all the doors before heading to bed," he reminded me. "And leave the kitchen light on so it looks like someone's still up. We'll be less likely to be preyed upon by a smartass looking for a quick buck that way," he added. He watched far too much TV.

"Dad, this is Forks, not LA," I laughed.

He picked up his keys, jangling them slightly in his palm. "Even so," he said as he opened the front door. "Night, Bells. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night," I called after him. "Drive safe."

I spent the next few hours watching TV and doing a load of Charlie's wash before heading off to bed. I logged into my email, intent on checking in with Mom when a chat box sprung up onto my screen, the resounding ping that belonged to the message ringing in my ears.

My breath hitched.

EC11388: Hi.

I stared and stared, fingers frozen on the keys.

EC11388: Don't go. Talk to me, please.

I pressed my toes into the carpet, knees bouncing up and down. I wanted to ignore him, close the tab down and crawl into bed.

Instead, I found myself answering him. It was easier through a computer screen.

Isabella: Not tonight.

EC11388: Why?

Isabella: I'm tired.

EC11388: I've got a cure for that.

My first reaction was to laugh, but things were different now.

It was moments like this when I missed him the most.

Isabella: I'm sure you do. Be sure to replay that to the next girl you fool around with. Maybe she'll be impressed.

EC11388: There's not going to be any other girls. Only you.

Isabella: You haven't got me anymore.

EC11388: Don't you miss me?

I stared at the words on the screen, hating the way my heart pounded and my body hurt from simply remembering the events of what I now liked to refer to as, Valentine's Day Shitfest: Part Two.

Isabella: No.

I lied.

Of course I missed him, but I couldn't trust him. And I couldn't dismiss something like that, however much I may have wanted to.

EC11388: I think you're lying.

Yeah, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

Isabella: And I think you're delusional. There, we're even.

EC11388: Deny all you want. I know you. Want me to come kiss you goodnight?

My fingers flew across the keys, irritated. Has he forgotten how to read?

Isabella: I'd rather you kick yourself in the balls.

EC11388: Who said romance was dead?

I squeezed my eyes shut. You did, Edward. You.

Isabella: Seriously? You killed it, Edward. It's dead.

Was he really that dense?

His response was almost instant.

EC11388: Well then you've obviously forgotten all about my resuscitation skills. ;)

Isabella: Ha. No, I remember. And they're really not that impressive. At all. So, whatever, get over yourself.

EC11388: Evidently you're not thinking clearly. It's sad.

No, what was sad was the fact I was actually taking part in any of this. I knew what he was trying to do, and I was torn between hating him for it, and hating myself because I didn't want him to stop.

I was so weak, joking around with him as if nothing had changed. He'd hurt me, and I needed him to see that wasn't okay, but when he was acting like this – or, in truth, when he acted in any way – it was hard to put a stop to my feelings. Love wasn't something that disappeared over a few days. It lingered and followed you around, lost until the feeling was reciprocated. And I wanted it, I did, I was just no longer sure if I wanted that with him.

Isabella: And evidently you still don't listen, or care about anyone else but yourself.

EC11388: Don't assume shit, Bella. You know that's not true.

Isabella: Do I? Because you haven't shown me anything that would prove otherwise.

I waited for a reply, but nothing came, no little message telling me he was still there and writing.

His light was still green though, taunting me, and I wondered if this was just him playing another game.

I closed my laptop, and pushed away from my desk, slamming my bedroom door behind me as I ran down the stairs, wanting to do something other than sit and wait for something from him. Again.

I yanked open the fridge door and grabbed the first thing in sight, which just happened to be some fruit flavoured yoghurt. Fucking dairy products.

The cutlery clanked inside the drawer as I searched for a spoon, and I instantly dug it into the yoghurt as soon as I pulled off the lid. A bit landed on the back of my hand, and I was just licking it off when the back door opened, a shadow cast on the wall beside it.

I screamed and threw the pot in that direction on instinct, somehow thinking it would act as a good weapon, scared shitless.

"Jesus Christ," the person breathed. "What the fuck are you doing?"

I knew that voice, and I lowered the spoon that was still clutched in my palm, my hands still shaking.

"What am I doing?" I breathed. "I live here shithead. What are you doing here? You scared the hell out of me!"

He stepped over the mess as he pushed the door shut behind him with his foot, striding purposefully, scaring me all over again.

"Don't," I warned, holding up a hand. "Go away."

"I'm only here because you asked me to be."

My eyes widened. "I did not!"

"You told me I didn't care, and that's not true."

I shook my head, knowing where he was going with this. "It's too late for that. I don't want to hear it."

"Why?"

"Because nothing's changed here, Edward," I pressed, taking a step back. "I won't fall for this a second time. I won't... I can't do it."

His chest expanded, hands finding the insides of his pockets. "I said I was sorry," he pointed out, moving to stand in front of me, eyes locked on mine. His voice was lower, tugging at my heartstrings.

My back hit the wall as I moved with him, but he didn't stop, he just kept coming closer and closer, messing with my emotions all over again.

I dropped my gaze and stared at his chest, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the patches of skin between his button holes. "Yeah, well sometimes sorry isn't good enough."

I felt his breath on my cheek as he sighed. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do here," he admitted, the tone of his voice hinting to his frustration. "What do you want me to do?

I shook my head. "I don't want you to do anything. I just want you to leave me alone."

He paused, his breath momentarily held. "Is that true?"

My eyes flicked to his. "I don't know."

I watched his jaw tense and relax, back and forth, transfixed. "You do know. You're just being stubborn."

"I'm the stubborn one?" I laughed. "You're un-fucking-believable."

"Nice of you to notice," he deadpanned.

"This isn't a time for jokes."

"Then what is it a time for?" he questioned, his hands leaving the confines of his pockets as they rested on the wall behind me.

"It's time for you to go home," I breathed, ignoring the way his head titled ever so slightly, effectively bringing his mouth inches away from skin.

"And what if I don't want to go home, Bella?" he wondered, his voice low. "What if I said I don't think I can sleep without you next to me anymore?"

His admission made my heart physically hurt as my hands gripped the ends of his shirt, stopping him from coming any closer. "Then I'd say try harder."

I could feel the telltale sting behind my eyes and hated that this hurt so much. I missed him and wanted him to stay, but there was a reason that couldn't actually happen. It felt like there was something pressing down on my chest, my breaths tight. He pressed his face against my neck, and my eyes clamped shut, my fingers alternating between tugging him closer and pushing him away, one after the other.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he breathed, his hair tickling the side of my face, sending sparks across my skin. "I lie in bed and think about all those little sounds you make when you get turned on – the way you squeeze your thighs together when I press my tongue to that spot right over your pulse."

I pushed at his chest. "Stop, please. You're being unfair," I told him, fully aware of what he was doing. He was playing on our physical connection, always wanting to be touching.

He pulled back ever so slightly, the expression on his face tearing at my resolve as green eyes held my brown ones in place. "I miss this though the most," he voiced, his thumb tracing my lips, and stopping at the corner of my mouth. "I miss your smile."

My chest heaved as I dropped my hands, everything too much. I wrapped my arms around my torso, trying to hold on. He just had to say it. Three words and I'd be his. But until then, it wasn't enough. It couldn't be enough.

I knew what it felt like to only have half of him, and look where that ended up: a broken hearted girl and a lost boy, both stubborn and stupid.

"Do you still want me to go?" he asked, gaze intense and hopeful, pleading and dark.

No.

"Yes."

I dropped my gaze and focused on the way his jaw ticked, one of his more obvious shows when frustrated.

"I'm not going to give up," he promised, his thumb trailing the apple of my cheek before he left me standing there alone in the kitchen with nothing but a racing heart and an overly-dominate thought.

I don't want you to.

Reviews will get a teaser for the next chapter. :)

I have a couple of recs this week:

The first one is, 'The Demons In My Dreams' by littlecat358. I seriously love this Edward. I want to share slightly burnt poptarts with him on a morning. ;)

And the second is, 'Empty Bloom' by ineedyoursway. This is really interesting so far, and contains an Edward that has a bit of an addiction. And I don't mean in the substance sense, if you know what I'm saying. ;)

Thanks so much for reading!

VHL xx