So I hate to do it but I am leaving you for awhile. Unfortunately it's Thanksgiving and I have family stuff. And I use the term family rather loosely cause it's really me and my roommates, my 2 boyfriends, my best friend who I think is dating one of my boyfriends, my other best friend who better not be dating my boyfriend, my gay roommates 'wife' and a 4 year old. And me being smart said I could cook turkey for 9 people. Go team. But ya, my bff is staying for a week so I am not sure when I'll update.
But, you know, this chapters good (unlike the show which is annoying me greatly and I just want to kick EVERYONE, except, strangely enough Callie). Oh bonus, I'm dealing with Addison in this chapter. I know thats been driving some of you crazy.
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"You know. I spend allot of time in my theater, but when I go home I am generally allowed to stay there long enough to change my underwear and pour a stiff drink."
Addison shrugged. Since she had heard Derek's message on her machine 30 minutes ago she had been completely silent. She barely flinched when her pager went off calling her back to the hospital.
"At least in the theater it is generally understood that, sure, you work all night, but it is expected that you are going to sleep all day or at least shoot cocaine or pop adrenaline pills." Kimber glanced over at her friend, "So I saw Meredith Grey this morning, she is very waif-ish. Twiggy-like even." She watched Addison out of the corner of her eye as they walked through the front doors of the hospital, she wasn't getting a reaction, "I'm surprised that Derek didn't rip her apart. As I remember he's rather well end-..." she stopped there. If she didn't get a reaction for that she wasn't getting one at all. "Addison," she stopped and touched Addison's arm.
Addison turned to look at her. Her had lost most of their colour, a sure sign that she was exhausted, and her hair was uncharacteristically not perfect.
"You should call him back," Kimber advised, smoothing down Addison's hair.
Addison shook her head.
Kimber sighed, it was like dealing with a spoiled child with volatile hormones, but then again, dealing with both Shepherds always had, "Call him."
"No."
"Why?"
"Because we're over, Kimber."
"Talking to you is like bring trapped in that Graham Greene novel, with the affair and the pouting and the longing and the..."
"Colesnotes Kim, not everyone has time to read everything ever written."
Kimber smiled, a full sentence and an attempted joke, "I sent you the movie. They have this intense affair, love each other more then words, then she ends it and he doesn't know why. And he goes... kinda crazy. And she has a reason but..."
"Kimber," Addison sighed, "She dies."
"What?"
"At the end. They reunite, and she dies."
Kimber stared, she had forgotten that part. "Well, they always die, the point is they reunite."
Addison sighed again, she wasn't up to much else, "Just stay out of trouble 'til I get back."
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"You are not worth my time and energy."
"Kimber. Stop calling me."
"I have put to much effort into this relationship to have you ruin it now."
"Kimber..."
"No listen to me. I got you introduced to her, I convinced her that you were more then a handsome yet awkward science prodigy, a fact that I am still debating myself. I told her to marry you when she thought you were to young, I reminded her how much you love her when you would spend all your waking hours poking brains. I spent a month trying to convince her to move out of Mark Sloans apartment because I knew that she really just wanted you to come home. I drove her to the airport so that she could go to Seattle and get you back, Hell I lent her a coat. I had Mark questioned by security for 8 hours when he tried to go to Seattle to bring her back, I spent an hour convincing your wife to stay in Seattle and not come back with him because you didn't mean it when you said that you didn't forgive her but that you were obligated to try. I told her you were just mad and upset. Which you were. I talked her out of leaving you so many times that it is kind of ridiculous. And when she finally did, I couldn't believe it because you may be completely screwed up and maybe you are in no way compatible as a couple, but I have never seen anyone love each other like you two do. And I am in the theater, larger then life love stories are my life. So don't tell me to stop calling."
Derek was silent.
Kimber sighed, she had gotten out what she needed to say, "I know that you don't want to admit that you were wrong, but if you don't, you're over. She can't trust you anymore Derek. She has always trusted you. Now she can't, and she needs to be able to."
"She can. She's the one that..."
"You are not a testament to your species you know that Derek Shepherd. You actually might be the stupidest person alive." Kimber interrupted, "Addison, is not herself, and if you had the intelligence of a dungbeattle you would realize that her not being able to trust you, her ending things and her suddenly not being herself, might actually all be connected. She isn't herself right now, which is why I am currently in Seattle while my incompetent assistant runs my multimillion dollar show into the ground. Addison needs you. And as much as I hate women that define themselves by men, she is just not her with out you. And from what I've heard you had a bit on an identity crisis without her, as Addison so eloquently put it you went from 'Hugo Boss, and looking sexy as hell' to 'Off the rack, my socks have holes and I don't care'. So can we both agree that you love each other, need each other, can't live without each other, aren't complete without each other, and all those other clichés that I hate but are apparently societies way of determining real love?"
Derek was silent.
"Good God. Just Call her Derek. Things need to be said."
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"Addison."
Addison sighed and hit the end button on her phone.
Kimber smiled to herself
"I can't talk to him here," Addison explained in a low voice, glancing around the hospital.
Kimber shrugged and continued to speculate silently, but freakishly accurately, over why Addison hostage intern Karev scowled so much when Mark offered to talk to Addison about Karev working with him.
Addison's cell rang again.
She immediately disconnected. "Did you..."
Then Kimber's phone rang, "Hello?" she paused, then held out the phone," It's for you."
Addison glared.
Kimber raised an eyebrow then put the phone back to her ear, "She says she's not here."
Addison rolled her eyes.
A moment later the phone at the nurse's station rang.
"Dr. Shepherd?"
"I'm not here!" Addison exclaimed.
Then she was paged for a call on line 5.
Then line 3.
Addison fumed silently, every few moments she glanced at her phone expecting it to ring.
"Dr Shepherd?"
Addison sighed with relief at Izzie.
"It's Dr. Shepherd," she held out her cell phone, "He said there is something wrong with yours."
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Addison paced the deserted on-call room, it was to close to the morgue to be frequented often. She expected Derek would be calling her any minute.
She was right.
"Addison, do not hang up."
Addison sighed and sank down into the cot. Kimber dragged over a chair, sat down across from Addison and took her hand, lending silent support.
"Say the word Addison and I will be back in Seattle. If you need me, I'm there."
Addison was silent.
Derek was quiet for the longest time, he felt defeated, "Add, I don't know what to do," he paused, "I know... I know that I screwed up, I know that I made mistakes, I know that I didn't treat you like I should have. I know that. And not just in New York and not just in Seattle. I know," he paused again, he then started pacing back and forth across his hotel room, "I shouldn't have put my job over you, I shouldn't have made either of us feel like we had to turn to other people, I shouldn't have failed you. I shouldn't have made you feel that you were anything less then the most important part of my life," he sat slowly on the bed, "I should have ended things with Meredith. I should have ended it the second that you got to Seattle. I should have ended it before it started. I should have ended it the moment that I realized that she is not the one that I wanted to be with. I should have realized sooner that your..." He leaned over and cradled the phone closer, focusing only on Addison, " I'm probably too late, and I've waited too long, and I had no business making you wait for me to tell you that I..."
"Derek stop," she whispered.
"No Addison," Derek continued, "I have missed you so much, and I..."
"Don't..." she pleaded.
"No, damnit, Addison! I lo-..."
"Derek, I'm late."
Derek froze. She wasn't late for surgery.
Her voice cracked "I'm late, and I'm sca-"
"Late," Derek repeated to himself, "You're never late. Your like..." He was shocked, "Never late."
"I'm sorry," Addison whispered, "I'm sorry," she began to cry, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Derek numbly gripped the phone, "Are you sure?"
Addison shook her head, tears streaming down her face, "No, I haven't che-... it's only been a few days and I... I'm scared to... I can't be... I can't have..."
Kimber leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Addison the best that she could.
"I just... oh god Derek... what am I going to do?" she sobbed, her voice catching every few words. "I can't do it. I can't have... I can't raise... I don't want to be one... I see them...the moms, alone... everyday... I can't be... they try to be... I don't think I... be strong... I'm not... and they are alone, and..." Addison was barely coherent, she was sobbing so hard she was grasping her chest in pain. "I can't do that... by myself... I can't do it alone... I can't... I can't be... I can't... I can't... I can't..."
"Addison," Derek spoke weakly, unable to come to terms with what she had just said, "Add, love, listen to me. Addison!"
She didn't reply, just gulped a few times trying to control the sobs.
"I'm coming home. Okay? I'll..." Derek rain his fingers though his hair, his brain was not functioning at the moment, "I'll take the first flight back to Seattle. Just don't..." Derek wasn't even sure what he didn't want her to do, "Don't do anything. Don't find out or... Not until we talk. Okay?"
She didn't reply, she couldn't talk anymore, she just inhaled slowly and unevenly.
Kimber gently took the phone from Addison's hand and pressed it to her ear, "Your coming back?"
"Just..." Derek sighed, "Take care of her until I get there."
"I always do."
Kimber hung up the phone. Her eyes met Izzie's who stood motionless at the door, as she had been for the last several minutes.
Izzie just stared. Addison had curled herself in a silent ball sitting on the cot. Never before had Izzie seen someone look so completely lost. She was visibly shaking.
"He'll be here soon," Izzie said tentatively taking a step forward.
Addison turned her head and looked at Izzie evenly, "And what difference will that make?"
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Derek still stared at the phone in his hand. It had been 20 minutes since he had hung up, and he still felt like he had been punched in the stomach.
She thought she was alone.
XXXX
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
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So.
I don't know what to say after that.
Like... I dunno.
Review.