When Madge gets home her entire body is shaking. She finds her mother sleeping and goes straight to work on dinner, a stew that will be soft and easy to swallow. If she doesn't keep herself distracted Madge is just going to think about how stupid she's being about this whole situation.

She should just tell him.

Why is it suddenly so hard for Madge to open up to Gale? They're dating. He's her boyfriend, she's his girlfriend. His presence calms her, reassures her that maybe things will be okay in the end. She's let her walls down for him before, and he knows that her mother is sick, but why can't she tell him how far it's gone now?

She knows why, she's just too terrified to admit it.

When the stew is ready Madge prepares a bowl and takes it to her mother who is stirring from her slumber. Mrs. Undersee blinks confusedly a few times but smiles when Madge lowers herself onto the edge of the mattress. Madge is blowing onto the stew to cool it down while Mrs. Undersee works herself into a sitting position.

"Hi, Momma," Madge says. Mrs. Undersee's smile dims slightly, she blinks a few times at the girl sitting by her. Ignoring the look she's receiving Madge swallows the knot in her throat and prays it stays down. "Can I talk to you about something?"

There's a bit of hesitation before she nods, "We tell each other everything. Of course you can."

Please, God, Madge thinks. Stay with me. "It's about a boy," Madge says calmly. She isn't sure if her mother is in the right mindset to remember Gale specifically.

Mrs. Undersee squints, her lips turning downward. "Not that Abernathy one, I hope. He's from the Seam, and you know how boys from the Seam are. Father doesn't want us seeing anyone from the Seam." Madge drops her eyes to her hands and looks at the coal beneath her nails. Her mother is too far gone for this conversation. "Oh, May, is he? I didn't mean…"

"Momma, please," Madge croaks, her voice catching at the end. "I need my mom for this. Please." Mrs. Undersee's smile is completely gone now, her eyes distant and foggy. "Momma…" But Madge is gone, and all she sees is Maysilee. Blinking back tears Madge retracts away to collect herself. She swallows again but the knot it back and it's not going anywhere. "Never mind," Madge whispers. "Just… never mind." Her mother smiles again, her eyes focusing slightly, but she still isn't as clear as before. How could she be? She's seeing ghosts.

Madge spoon feeds her in silence.

Once Mrs. Undersee has eaten half of her bowl of stew her eyes begin to droop. She slips back into slumber without saying anything to Madge, and Madge prefers it that way. It's better than being mistaken for a dead girl.

Madge makes herself a bowl of stew and eats while watching recaps of the Games. Katniss and Finnick have been trapped in the Jabberjay section of the arena and the screams from the birds are being broadcasted through her TV. The second she hears Gale's voice break through her speakers she nearly chokes on her food, coughing and throwing her bowl to the side to rush to the television.

She scans the screen and sees Katniss with her hands over her ears, Finnick mimicking this position, but for some reason it isn't good enough. Images of Gale flash through her mind, his black eye and split lip being a special appearance. The broadcasters share how they take the voices from interviews and transform them into horrifying screams to scar the tributes, but hearing Gale who is so strong and tough as though he's in the worst pain imaginable is too hard for Madge.

She holds the sides of her dirty television and sinks to the ground, her heart somewhere in her stomach or her throat. She feels like she's going to throw up. Tears that are threatening to fall begin to sting. It's not real, it's not real, but tears drip down her cheeks anyways and she swallows the sobs that are trying to claw their way up her throat.

Madge wipes at her eyes and sucks in panicky breathes, blinking to calm herself. Not real. Not real. Hearing Gale's voice like this and everything else that's going on is piling up and making her spill over the top. That feeling that is deep inside her heart is uneasy and she hates the way it makes her feel unbalanced. Gale is fine. He's safe and sound in his home.

Time passes and the screaming dies down. Katniss and Finnick are free from the terror but Madge's heart is still racing and her hands are still sweating. She steadies herself onto her feet and almost mechanically picks up her bowl and takes it to the sink. A stillness settles in her veins.

She's still clutching the sink trying to rebalance herself when there's an abrupt knock on the door. The sound of it causes her to jump, and she quickly takes another breath before going to answer it. When the door swings open she finds Thom, and the shock of seeing a blue ring around his eye is what brings her back to the present.

"You're an idiot!" she blurts. It's the only thing that comes to her head. She knew he would come over to talk about the fight – he's not one to ignore what's happened, but she still hadn't been prepared to see him this way. He grins in response and it only frustrates her more. "Thom!" Madge moves forward and pulls her door shut, stepping out onto the porch. "Why would you get in a fight with Gale?"

His smile dissipates a little as he shrugs, "He made me angry."

"Why?" she asks. "Was it something he said? Something he did?"

"I don't—" Thom hesitates, taking a step away from her. "It was a lot of things piled up on each other, I guess." He drags a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "The mines were rough and Delly, she…" he shakes his head. "Then he's here accusing me of shit I would never do like cheat on my girlfriend, and then I was thinking about all the shit he did to you and how shitty he made you feel all those months ago and…" Thom trails off, still shaking his head. "I got angry," he admits with a grunt.

"What's going on with Delly?" Madge asks, her eyebrows furrowing at once.

"She's… nothing, Madge. Nothing." Thom huffs and steps away again. "This isn't about Delly, it's about you. Alright?" Madge waits another moment, confusion flooding her brain. "You're family to me, for Christ's sake, you know that don't you?"

Slowly, she tips her head forward. "I guess."

"No, Madge," Thom turns back toward her. "You are family to me." He annunciates every word. "Do you understand?" And this time she nods a bit more.

"Then tell me what's going on with Delly," she says. "If we're family."

He frowns. "We have our own problems. Unlike Hawthorne I don't need other people to worm their way into them." Madge frowns too. "That was harsh. That's not what I meant. Delly just isn't the topic of discussion right now, okay?"

"Fine." She scowls. "But what does us being family have to do with Gale?" Madge presses.

"What does that—Madge, everything! It's because of him you were in the stocks, you know. Him and Katniss, all the shit they've done."

"It was no one's fault I was taken to the stocks but my own," she hisses. She refuses to let Gale or Katniss take the blame for her own mistakes.

"Come on, Madge," Thom throws his hands up in frustration. "Gale goes on and on about trying to keep you safe but he's partly why you're in the line of fire!" Still, she shakes her head. It isn't Gale's fault that their government is like this. "And then he put you through all of that shit around your birthday," Thom adds, pointing his finger in her direction. "And I just, I kept thinking about everything he's done to you and it pissed me off! He could do so much good for you and your mom and he's absolutely useless!"

And then it slips out.

"I love him," Madge whispers. It comes out in a rush. She can't take it anymore, hearing Thom trash him like this. She doesn't care what he has or hasn't done. "Gale," she adds. Her voice is thick. It's a heavy secret, loving someone. "I love him." Thom's face transforms in front of her, from shock to confusion, and then finally to nothing. "I know… I know he's made his mistakes, but so have I. And Gale, he… he's really great and he does make me feel safe and he tries so hard to keep me safe and…" she shakes her head, looking out from her porch onto the darkening houses of the Seam. "I love him."

"Okay," Thom nods slowly, assessing the situation. His movements are jerky, filled with the pent up anger from his outburst, but his voice is soft. He steps toward her to rest his hand on her shoulder but she moves away, knowing he's still mad inside. "Okay. Do you want me to apologize to him?"

"No, no," she spins to face Thom. This is one of the things she admires most about him, the fact that he can understand her so well. Thom has always put her needs above his own agenda. He might hate Gale but if she loves him he's willing to take a step back and let her say her piece. "No, don't do that."

"I can go apologize to him," Thom insists. "If it's important to you." She shakes her head still, worrying if Thom is to approach Gale what the consequences might be. She doesn't want Gale to feel like his father ever again and Thom going to him might stir up some of those feelings. "Okay." His voice is soft. "What about to you?"

"Me?" she echoes.

His mouth curves slightly, "Should I apologize to you for shitting on your boyfriend?"

Madge laughs very quietly and shakes her head. "No. No your points are valid, but I… I just…" she doesn't care. The past is the past, Gale and Madge can't change what they've been through. And it's all the shit from their relationship that's gotten them to be where they are now, even if it's currently rocky. "I don't know." She tries to force a smile but her eyes are filling with tears. "I don't know, Thom."

"What don't you know, huh? Talk to me."

"I don't know anything," Madge forces out. Tears drip down her cheeks and she hastily wipes them away. "I'm scared, I… I think we're fighting and I…" Thom is patient with her despite the fact that she's stepped away, allowing his hand to fall. "I don't know what to say to him or what to do or how to act and my mother, she's… I can't tell him about her because I'm so scared."

"What are you scared of?" Thom asks. That's the part that she can't put into words. When her eyes well up again he shakes his head. "Okay, you don't have to tell me. It's alright." Madge sniffles and Thom moves forward, guiding her to the steps so they can sit down. "Be honest with him," Thom says softly. "Tell him about your mom. If he's like you say he is then he'll understand. And then tell him what you told me." Madge tilts her head to look at him. "Tell him that you love him."

"I can't do that," she croaks, shaking her head frantically. "How can I… how can I love someone like him?" Someone who's going to be forced into making hard decisions and keeping the district in the abysmal state that it's in, someone who has to turn a blind eye to the injustices of District 12. This should turn her away more than anything. "And how could he ever love someone like me?" she whimpers. Even after everything they've been through she still feels like an unimportant girl from the Seam. "And what—what if with Katniss gone and my mom, what if I'm just… what if I just…" what if she just thinks she loves him because of how lonely she is?

"Madge," Thom cuts her off and reaches forward to grab her hands. "It's okay. Breathe." Madge inhales very deeply and tilts her head away to stop more tears from falling. "Go talk to him."

Again she shakes her head, "I told him I had things to think about." Madge sniffles and wipes at her eyes. "He's so disappointed in me, I can feel it." Thom pulls her toward him and wraps his arms around her. "I don't know what to do, I don't—"

"Madge," he cuts her off again, still very gently. "Sleep on it. Decide tomorrow, you don't have to do anything right now."

Eventually the shaking of her head turns into a nod. "Okay," she whispers. "You're right. I'll sleep on it."

Madge floats through school like a ghost. She moves from classroom to classroom and blends into the background without saying a thing. Not much is happening in the Games, nothing significant besides Katniss and Peeta making out on the beach, and Madge can't bring herself to watch anyway.

She has to talk to Gale today. She just doesn't know how.

Delly doesn't push her at lunch but she can tell something is on Madge's mind. When school finally lets out Madge finds Prim and takes her to Haymitch's house with her, a little distraction for the day. Prim doesn't keep her mouth shut like Delly did at lunch, she immediately starts questioning Madge. "What're you so sad about?" Prim asks.

Madge looks at her and shakes her head. "Nothing."

"You're quiet. And last time during the Games you were never quiet. You were always trying to keep me talking about something, keep me happy."

Madge cocks an eyebrow, "You think I'm not trying to keep you happy?" She gestures to Haymitch's house. "We're cleaning. We can jump on any bed in the entire house if you want. Break some plates." Prim smiles slightly and looks down. "We can do whatever you want, Primmy."

"I didn't mean that," Prim says, still smiling a little. "You do keep me happy. It's just that it's clear your mind is somewhere else." Prim bites on her bottom lip before asking, "Is it me?"

"Prim," Madge places her hands on her shoulders. "No. Of course not. It's absolutely never you." She squeezes slightly and Prim sighs, shrugging off Madge's hands. "I love you, Prim. It's not you at all."

Prim's shoulder's sag. "But something is wrong," she says.

"You have so much going on," Madge yells her softly. "I don't want you to be worrying about me, too."

Prim is quiet for a moment before she squeaks, "You're practically all I have left."

"That is not true," Madge says firmly. She tilts Prim's chin up so the young girl is forced to look at her. "It isn't true at all." Whether Madge admits it or not Prim is one of the only people Madge has left as well. "I'm sorry I haven't been present. Okay? I'm here for you."

After a bit more silence Prim nods her head. "Okay." Madge tugs Prim into a hug and squeeze her close. "Can we go jump on the beds, now?"

Forcing herself to be present Madge follows through with her offer to jump on the beds. She and Prim go into every room and jump on every bed – even Haymitch's. They make the beds afterwards but for a few sweet moments Madge and Prim are laughing like there's absolutely nothing wrong, like Katniss and Peeta aren't back in the arena, like the Games aren't even happening.

After a few hours of being silly and unproductive Madge finally steers Prim home. Madge helps her with homework while they eat dinner, still avoiding the television. Mrs. Everdeen makes Prim a cup of tea that will help her fall asleep and Madge declines the offer, no matter how easy it would be to just forget all about her agreement to go see Gale.

Eventually Prim falls asleep against Madge and Madge carries her up to bed, kissing her forehead before she returns to the living room to watch the Games. She sits in silence with Mrs. Everdeen as they watch Peeta and Katniss make plans to leave their alliance.

Soon enough Madge looks toward the clock, realizing with a start how late it is. "I've got to," Madge announces. Mrs. Everdeen doesn't even tear her eyes from the TV. "If Prim asks—"

"It's fine," Mrs. Everdeen says softly. "You can go."

Madge disappears quickly. How did it get to be so late? The sky is dark and full of twinkling stars. She races through the district, from the Victors Village, until she ends up at the mayor's house. Madge stares at the illuminated building for a bit and catches her breath before finally mustering up the courage to go and knock on the backdoor. She unlatches the back gate and cringes when it squeaks, trying to get it back into place without making too much noise.

Her hands shake as she approaches the backdoor, and then her knock, though soft, sounds much too loud. She should've been watching the time. What if everyone's asleep? What if Gale's gone to bed already? Madge promised she would come today but what if he gave up – thought she changed her mind?

It reminds her of the night she waited in the meadow for him to arrive, only he never did. Madge makes good on her promises.

Thankfully Gale answers the door. His face is filled with sleep. He slips onto the porch without saying a word, but sighs after a moment of silence.

"It's really late," he says.

Guilt creeps through her veins, "I know."

"I was starting to think you weren't going to show up." Gale watches her as she lifts her shoulders, and then he sighs again. He opens his mouth to say something else but before he can get a word in there's cheering coming from his house. "Come on," his hand finds her shoulder and he guides her off the porch. Capitol Citizens never sleep. "Let's get away from here." Gale leads Madge to the strip of road by his house that Madge takes when she enters his backyard. Once they're outside the gate he asks, "Do you want to go to the meadow?"

Madge wraps her hands around herself and lifts her shoulders again. Her throat is closing up and she's so scared to have this conversation. Distracting Prim all day allowed her to distract herself.

"Let's just stay here," she says. "The meadow's too far."

Gale dips his head and looks back at his house before returning his gaze to her. He knows that whatever she's going to tell him isn't good. The meadow is a happy place – a place where they began. The strip of road outside of his house is not. It's making his stomach turn. Back before something went wrong he was going to tell her that he loves her…

"Have you talked to Thom?" Gale asks, needing the silence to be gone.

Madge bobs her head. "Yes. He's not angry with you at all. He wants to apologize." Gale shifts uncomfortably and looks away. "He admits that he wasn't thinking correctly."

"It's still no excuse," Gale grumbles under his breath, tilting his head away. "But whatever." He's angry at himself for what happened. He's always going to be. But Thom isn't the real reason Madge is here. "Just… whatever." This is something between Gale and Madge. He turns back to her. "You gonna tell me what's going on already?" She drags a hand through her golden hair and looks away. "What did I do?"

"No, Gale—"

"I know it's not because of what I thought with Thom," he says. He's exasperated. "I know it was fucked up for me to think it but I know that's not why this is happening." This. What is this? "You weren't talking to me before I hit him I know it's something else."

Madge stares at him with a weight in her gut. "I don't know what to say," she croaks.

Gale strides toward her and cups her cheek, pulling her up to look at him. At once her eyes dart away and he lets out a quiet breath. First she won't talk to him, now she won't look at him. "Where did I fuck up?" he whispers. If she can tell him that, if she can say what he did then he can change it.

"No, it's not you," she says. Her voice is softer than his. "It's not." Gale's gaze softens slightly. "You're great. You are. But I… I can't…"

It's not you. It's me. How cheesy is that?

"Madge," he murmurs. His hands slide down to rest on her shoulders, then continue the path down her arms until he grabs her hands. He doesn't want to ask it but he has no choice, "What are you saying?"

She hesitates, dropping her eyes to where he's laced their fingers. She loves the feel of his hands, his warmth, his voice, she loves him. But Madge is so terrified of this feeling. She knows what this feeling can do, what it does. It shatters people.

So she says, "I don't know if I can handle a relationship right now, Gale."

It's either tell Gale that she loves him or break it off now, and she's already lost so many people that she loves she can't stand to do the former. Her father is gone, her mother slowly succumbing to her illness, Katniss was snatched back to face her death. She'd rather Gale be okay just away from her than be broken and destroyed like the rest of the people in her life. He doesn't deserve this, and she doesn't deserve him.

"Come on," he pulls her closer. He's reaching the point of desperation. "You don't mean that. You can't." Her mouth opens but she doesn't know what to say. "I've been here for you the whole time," he whispers. "And when it all goes to hell I'm still gonna be here." She shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut. "I don't—I don't need to be with you every minute of the day, Madge, I just… I just want to be with you." He lets out a shuddering breath. "I just want you to be okay."

With her eyes still shut, "What if that means being away from you?"

Gale lets out a strangled breath. "You want to end things?" he asks. "For good?" Madge tilts her head down. She can't stand to look at him. "Madge," he croaks. The pain in his voice causes her to look up, open her eyes.

"Gale—" he drops his forehead to hers and she forgets how to breathe. Even in the dark she can see the highlights of his silver eyes.

"You really wanna do this?" he murmurs. Gale feels like he's suffocating. "This is what you want?"

He doesn't understand that she doesn't want this. Madge wants nothing more than to be with him. But this separation is the only thing she can do until she sorts everything out, until she can learn how to love without losing.

"Madge?" he tries. There's little hope to his voice.

"I…." she struggles for words. Madge never thought loving someone would be so difficult, so terrifying and painful. "I…" She could lean up. Press herself onto her toes to easily and allow their lips to collide. Gale would forget the entire argument if they kissed, if she let him forget it. "I don't…" she starts again, looking away slightly to try and regain focus. Out of the corner of her eye she sees a flash in the sky. It startles her enough to pull away. Gale's hands drop uselessly to his sides, he lets out a defeated breath. "Did you see that?" she asks.

His eyebrows furrow together. "See what?" Gale glances over his shoulder, if only to humor her. "Madge, I don't think now is the time for—"

All at once the world comes crashing down on them. A wave of air and sound knocks them to the ground, followed by pulses of heat. The breath is blown from Madge's body, she ends up in the gravel with her knees and palms digging into rocks, Gale on top of her, both of them heaving for air.

"Gale—" she gasps.

"I'm here." They go to stand but the ground shakes again, causing them to slip back down. They take a moment to recover, Gale struggling to stand. Once he's on two feet he offers his hand to her. She sees a gash on his forehead from hitting the ground. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nods. Madge holds her hands out to show him and his face fills with worry. He grabs her wrists just as the district vibrates again. "Gale, what—" a hovercraft zooms overhead and they both turn their heads just in time to catch the Capitol seal on the side.

"What the hell?"

Miraculously, her brain pieces it together before his does. "Bombs," she croaks. She tugs his shirt and forces him to look at her. "Bombs! Gale, they're bombing us!" She shoves him toward his house, her body pulsating into panic mode. "Get your family!" she screams. He stumbles away in confusion, awkwardly trying to regain his feet as another blast hits. "I have to get Prim!"

He nods and sprints a few paces away but looks over his shoulders, his eyes wide and full of terror. "Madge?"

"Take them to the meadow!" she shouts, her feet carrying her the opposite direction. "Hurry!"

They sprint in opposite directions without even a goodbye.

A/N: Clearly I'm really bad at keeping an updating schedule, but now with school back forreal I'm trying to get better. Hope this was a good one for you! Thank you all so much for continuing to read.