I hear Volumnia knocking on the door as she tells me that I need to prepare myself for another big day. I can hear the excitement in her voice, in her career as an escort she hasn't had a victor but now she does and will be one of the more popular residents in the Capitol. At least till next year.

I have to force myself to lean up. I don't bother going down to the dining room but instead, order food right to my room. Another feast. Orange juice, pancakes, sausages, buns, eggs, hashbrowns. I eat and eat and eat, trying to fill the emptiness that seems to have engulfed my body. But not even the food seems to work. I finish off every crumb of it from my plates and then have to order myself to get ready. Simple commands. "Go have a shower...Get dressed...Go downstairs." Like I have lost all control of my body and now a tiny little voice in my head tells me what to do.

I don't get far downstairs when my prep team is there.

"Get your tush back in that room, we have some prepping to do," Pumice smiles as she wraps her arm around me and guides my back upstairs.

I don't resist and follow her back into my room. It is a good feeling when they tell me not to talk since they are in a hurry and can't afford to mess up due to me talking or moving around. So I sit like a statue well they get to work on me and bring up their usual chatter. I do feel a bit more alive than I did yesterday. Today I will leave the Capitol and start my journey back home.

The prep team finished. My face looking to be more radiant which I didn't think was possible after the Capitol had fixed me up after the games. My lips have been toned down a few shades and a light brown around my eyes...My eyes still that neon green colour. I miss my old ones. The ones that had bits of brown in it and weren't so flared. It is even worse that Markos seemed to not even notice the physical changes that I had undergone. Maybe he favored them. He was from the Capitol.

Tigris walk in and dismisses the prep team. I like watching her move, it is unpredictable. How she steps on the tips of her feet so silently, her movements seeming so precise and soft. It was kind of like watching a dance.

She helps me dress into my outfit for the final interview and my ride home. A white and blue checkered dress shirt with a cream coloured jacket and pants, then brown shoes and a belt. Not as flashy as last night's outfit but I figure last night's events did require a very exaggerated outfit.

I go back downstairs were already the living room has been turned into a studio. Cameras and lights point towards two chairs that sit beside the windows.

"Congratulation Remus!" I hear a heart voice beside me and turn to see Ceaser smiling at me. He gives me a firm grab on the shoulder, "How is our victor feeling this morning?"

"Excited," I smile, mind as well start getting into character.

"Very good," He returns the smile.

I sit on one of the chairs and Ceaser sits in the other. For a moment they do last checks and then a person counts down and now I am being broadcast live to the entire nation. Ceaser welcomes the audience and starts off with a quick summary of the games and my wins, then a few jokes which I have to force a laugh at. He asks me a few questions that are simple to answer. How did I feel rising into the arena, what were my thoughts on some of the mutts – He tells a joke about the shark mutts and me being the true lovers – Then he starts going for the harder questions.

"When the earthquake hit that trapped Petro in the cave, how did you know she was still alive? She could have been dead yet you still fought so diligently to get to her." Ceaser asks.

For a moment I just grin awkwardly cause that's what I have been doing this entire interview but now I can't think of an answer. I force my lips to open and start speaking without giving any thought. "Well, she is a very...Was a very smart girl and a survivor. I knew that if I was still alive she was somehow still alive and I couldn't leave her."

"You did eventually revenge her death by killing her killer, Marius. Where you planning to use the spider venom the entire time?"

"No," I shake my head, "I thought I was going to die and just thought I would try using it."

"I'm sure you are just being modest," Ceaser chuckles, "A gladiator like yourself never has to worry about being killed."

I brush off this comment and force a laugh in response.

"And you did forget about Pell and honestly thought you won after Marius or was that a strategy as well to lure her out of the jungle?" Ceaser asks.

"No, I forgot about her," I answer.

"Well I am sure she will never forget about you now," Ceaser jokes.

I don't find it funny, so much so that I can't even force myself to smile. "Cause she's dead." I glare at Ceaser.

"Yes, and what a feat! I mean, c'mon. We have not seen a final death such as that in such a long time. I mean, how you broke her jaw and broke her skull open, that was such an impressive show you put on. I could not take my eyes off it."

Ceaser looks at me, expecting a response but I don't bother giving him one. She was a girl, 14, maybe 15, and I beat her to death. I hit her so much that her skull broke open. That was me, my choice. Something I will carry forever and I will not stoop down to faking that I enjoyed it.

"You know there was much discussion about altering your hand so that it was coated with flexible metal. As a symbol of how you won," Ceaser smiles.

I could scream and shout right here, right now. Say how much I hate the games, what it made me into, how I hate my body now. The people of the districts might listen, those whose tributes and kids I didn't kill, maybe. The Capitol would just discard me as a warrior who loves fighting so much that I would even argue on camera. If anything they would just adore me more. There is nothing I can do or say. My words and actions have no impact, least not the impact that I want them to make. Only the impact the Capitol wants to see. So I force the biggest smile I can. "That would be such an honour to have had that Ceaser."

The train lurches forward and I watch through the window as the Capitol slowly vanishes in the distance. Volumnia tells me I shouldn't get comfortable at home. That the Capitol people are already saying that I should be able to go back whenever I wish to see Markos. Maybe that would make the place bearable but for now, I want it burned to the ground.

We have an enormous supper and I eat more than usual but still, my body feels empty. It might just be a side effect of the surgery. I want to ask Caliper and Fascia if it is but Fascia has already dozed off after taking Morphling and Caliper would probably rather not have the subject brought up.

I don't bother watching the recap of the games which upsets Volumnia but she will get over it eventually. I go to my room, yank off all my clothes, and sit in the shower. The water splashes down on my naked body but it doesn't seem to wash the thoughts of the games off. The kills I made, deaths I saw, the monster creatures that attacked me. But I wish it does. I hope it does. So I stay in the shower all night, letting the water fail at clearing my thoughts.

Still one more chapter left! I'm thinking of doing another story about the rebellion with Markos and Remus since Markos would be a peacekeeper and Remus a rebel. Think it would be interesting :P