Red vs Blue Arrancars
What's Mine is Yours!
At blue base, Rey and Di-Roy are talking on the upper level.
Rey: Man, Di-Roy. You were asleep for a long time. What were you dreaming about?
Di-Roy: Oh, nothing. I do not like to dream. I try not to think while I'm sleeping.
Rey: That's pretty much how you function while you're awake, too.
Di-Roy: I think consistency is important.
The camera changes to show Skullak.
Skullak: Well, you look ok. Then again, that's just the armor. How do you feel?
Di-Roy: Great! …Who're you?
Skullak: Oh, come on! Not this again! How can you seriously not remember me?
Di-Roy: Oh, of course! I remember you… you're Marvin!
Skullak: I'm Skullak!
Di-Roy: I think I would remember a name that ridiculous. Nope, you are definitely Phil.
Skullak: You killed me with the tank.
Di-Roy: Dave!
Skullak: You insulted my girlfriend. You called her a cow.
Di-Roy: Karen!
Rey: Dude, he called her a slut.
Di-Roy: Phineous?
Skullak: Your whole life is based around pleasing me.
Di-Roy: Wally.
Skullak: In fact, I think you're kind of obsessed with being my best friend.
Di-Roy: Milo?
Di-Roy turns around and whispers to Rey, but it is loud enough that Skullak can hear.
Di-Roy: Psst. The new guy is pretty full of himself.
Skullak: New guy? What the- I'm not the new guy. You're the new guy!
Rey: I don't know. I kinda like it. I could get used to calling you Rookie.
Skullak: Oh, yea? Could you get used to me beating you to death?
Di-Roy, again, turns to Skullak.
Di-Roy: Psst. What's wrong with the rookie? He seems mad.
Skullak: Oh, son of a bitch.
Di-Roy: Susan?
The camera then switches to red base, where Charlotte is attempting to jump onto the upper level, with Nirgge watching over him from above. Charlotte is making grunting noises as he jumps.
Nirgge: Charlotte, there is no way you can jump that high.
Charlotte pauses for a second after he lands.
Charlotte: Yes I can.
Charlotte continues jumping, chanting "Yes I can!" as he jumps. Findor walks up to Nirgge.
Simmons: What the hell is he doing?
Nirgge: Loosing a bet.
Charlotte lands back on the lower floor.
Charlotte: Oh, I almost got it that time! Are you sweating yet, sucker?
Nirgge: No, I can't sweat. Findor's stupid sweat glands don't even work right.
Findor: What? They were working when I gave them to you.
Nirgge: Please. I'm not moist in any of the usual places. If you want them back so bad, take 'em.
Findor sighs.
Findor: I can't. Sarge says that sweat makes my cyborg parts rusty. So, I'm cooled by Freon now.
Nirgge: Ah, delicious Freon.
Nirgge starts to cough violently.
Findor: Nirgge, are you alright? Are my lungs ok? Hey, wait a minute. Are you smoking inside your helmet again?
Nirgge: What? No!
Nirgge blows out smoke from his helmet as he turns away from Findor.
Nirgge: …Oops.
Findor: Dammit. I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?
Nirgge: None.
Findor: …
Nirgge: Ok, five… or more.
Charlotte grunts in the background.
Nirgge: Baker's dozen at most.
Findor: Do you even know how many are in a baker's dozen?
Nirgge: By my count?
Charlotte, again, grunts in the background.
Nirgge: Forty-eight.
Findor: Alright. That's it. No more smoking, no more drinking, and no more overeating, chubby! You're not going to ruin my body parts the same way you ruined yours.
Nirgge: That's ok. I can think of different ways to ruin them.
A loud noise comes from where Charlotte was.
Charlotte: Ah! Ah! Ow! Ahhhhh! Who left the spleen ball where someone could trip on it? I think I broke something. Findor, I need your ovaries!
Findor: Ugh, I really hate this army.
Baraggan arrives.
Baraggan: Nirgge; Findor 2.0! I just got off the horn to Command. I'm afraid we have a situation.
Findor: Ah, don't tell me they canceled the holiday party again! Those cheap bastards. All I wanted was one night of care-free dancing. But no! I ask you when it will be Findor's turn? When?!
Nirgge and Baraggan turn to look at each other before continuing.
Baraggan: Uh, actually, the problem is with Dorodni.
Nirgge: Don't tell me. The Consulate General from Spanish Land is coming, and without Lopez, we don't have anyone to translate.
Findor: There's no such thing as Spanish Land, you retard.
Nirgge: Yes there is. They have those, uh… uh, waterslides. And all that salsa!
Findor: No, they don't.
Nirgge: Well, I guess you would know.
Findor: What's that supposed to mean? For the last time, I'm Dutch-Irish!
Nirgge: Hey, don't let your fiery Latin temper get out of control. I was just trying to make a point.
Baraggan: Can it, Frankenstein. We've got a pot on the front burner, and it's a-boilin' over. I've just learned that Command implanted Dordoni with secret instructions detailing the next phase of our operations. Do you haveany idea what this means?
Nirgge: I uh… uh, Findor? You want to take this one?
Findor: Were you not listening again? What the hell were you thinking about?
Nirgge: Certainly not waterslides, I can tell you that much. Or salsa.
Baraggan: What it means is that if we don't get back Dorodni before the Blues uncover our secret plans, we'll be up pooper creek without a paddle.
Nirgge: Ew. Gi-a... that's gross!
Baraggan: I'm talking about being lost in a forest of filth without a compass. Swimmin' in a river of sick with no floaties on. Drivin' blind, in to the tunnel of-
Findor: Sir, I think we get the picture. The very, very disturbing picture.
Baraggan: You sure? I could go on.
Nirgge: I'm sure you could. But no. Really.
Baraggan: Just one more?
Nirgge: Stop.
Baraggan: Come on, they're fun. Findor, you try one. I'll start you off. Flyin' by the seat of your blank, with a blank in the blank. Eh?
Findor: Sorry sir, I'm not good at word games.
Baraggan: Ah, you're both a couple lousy blanks.