Chapter 35: I Will Wait For You
Angela's POV
Nathan's face haunts my once pleasant dreams. Sometimes I can still hear his voice whispering to me, telling me jokes, calling himself my own little bad influence. Even now, I couldn't help but smile when I thought of him saying that. It went from a careless and charming nickname to something I could remember him for. He really was my little bad influence, always trying to keep me away from my work, always trying to have a little fun and lighten up.
But recently lightening up proved to be an insurmountable task, and one I didn't have the strength or willpower left to achieve. Most of my time consisted of crying over the loss of the man I loved. The man who meant everything to me. He showed me so many things, and taught me so many lessons. I had been so quick to judge him. And I always lectured him about his wrongdoings and how he was being an annoyance to people trying to get their work done. He always shook it off with his bright and perfect smile, but I never got to apologize for doing so to him. He didn't deserve that.
He didn't deserve the painful and abrupt end he was given either. He was a good man, even if he didn't believe so himself. "I don't want to die a hero," he would tell me. "That's too boring." He never ceased to surprise me with what a good hero he made sometimes. Nathan was the leader we turned to when the night was darkest, and he led us through it, with a cocky grin. A cocky grin he had on his face, even the moment he was dying.
My dreams were no better at consoling me than my thoughts. Running through the forest I couldn't recognize, the air foggy and smoky, surrounding me, entrapping me in the dense wilderness. I felt like I wanted to cry, running away from the shadows that echoed Nathan's voice in my ears, chasing me down, no matter how fast I ran. His voice was crying out for me to save him, and when he needed me most, I failed him. For once my hero needed me to return the favor, and I failed. I couldn't even give him a kiss goodbye. The world was so cruel sometimes.
Lungs gasping for air, I stopped at a tree, placing my hand on the bark, catching my breath and trying to gather and compose myself once more. The shadows stopped, and the forest was eerily quiet, nothing but the sound of my heavy breathing and heart pounding in my ears. I never thought I would want the shadows back. I felt a warm liquid meet my hand, as I yanked it back, observing the location it touched, finding a dark red blood. As I studied it, I could hear the screams of Nathan, and I screamed as well, both with terror and fury. I quickly pushed myself away from the tree, running the other direction. Why couldn't someone wake me up?
The trees whizzed by as I ran away, from everything. I always ran away, never standing and fighting. I was a coward. I was everything Nathan loathed. Running away from my problems, praying they would just leave me alone. Leave me alone to the silence and my thoughts.
I stopped, hearing the laughter of Nathan. He seemed happy, and I could hear the voice of a little girl I had never met. It was unfamiliar, and I found myself drawn to it, even if my instincts and past experiences said to run the other way. I wasn't in control.
Finding something I never expected; light. The sun was shining through the auburn leaves that surrounded me, and I could hear the crunch of fallen leaves and twigs as I approached the two figures. One was the man I wanted back. Nathan, his hat tipped high, as he laughed, running after a little girl, her blond hair flowing with the wind as she ducked and dodged the trees. It was so good to hear his laughter once more, even if it was a dream. "Come on daddy, catch me!" I could hear the girl call.
A smile met my lips, and I wanted to laugh. The girl resembled me, her bright blonde hair obvious. Her eyes were the same as mine, as I followed her, finding myself laughing, as Nate sprinted after her. "Come back here young lady!" He joked, running after the girl. Was this supposed to be my daughter? Our daughter? If only it could be true.
But I found myself forgetting that fact, drawn to the girl's presence, as Nathan caught her, laughing hysterically as the girl giggled. 'He always was good with children.' I thought, as he tickled her, the girl laughing harder. Her cheeks were a light shade of blush, as he twirled her around in his arms, laughing. They both seemed truly happy. "Now, where's momma? Lord knows what she'll do to me if I lose you Ellie."
'Ellie Parker.' I thought, smiling. It fit. I walked forward, half expecting them to notice me, and embrace me as their family. My legs pushed me forward as I smiled brightly, and I was almost shocked to find Nathan's eyes meet mine, his signature grin forming. I kept moving, and I sighed lifting my hand up to meet his cheek, and feel his skin against mine once again.
To my horror, my hand went through him, fading away. He wasn't there. He was a ghost, simply there to taunt me with the happiness I could've had, only for it to be snatched away from me. Looking on in fear, the vision I was seeing before me began to burn. They didn't react, the same smiles and expressions on their faces, as the fire started to tear them away, burning the sight to ash, as the smoke from the fire rose to the trees, blocking the sun.
The once bright and vibrant colors of the woods faded to its original dark and depressing colors, the light fading away. The leaves under my feet turned black like ash, and I took one more look at Nathan and Ellie, running over to them. I wanted to stay here. I didn't want someone to tear me away from this. "No!" I yelled, trying to grab a hold of the burning figures. "Don't take me away!" I begged. But my once happy vision disappeared before me, leaving me in the dark.
"Angela!"
The sudden noise snapped me to the harsh reality I was in, and I found myself back in my office, a photo of Nathan in my hands. 'I must've fallen asleep.' I thought, my hair a mess, my weary eyes meeting Jesse. He must've been here once again to check up on me. I smiled, trying to forget the dream he snapped me away from.
"Terribly sorry Angie... didn't mean to wake you up. You need rest... I'll leave ya to it." He apologized, starting to back away. I shook my head, grabbing his hand. "It's fine, really. I'm glad you woke me up, I have work to get done." I said, turning to the screens in front of me, all showing documents I had already received and read. I kept lying to people claiming they kept me busy, even though I had finished all my work.
He frowned, his brown eyes narrowing, studying me closely, his brows jerked upwards in a sarcastic tone. "You've been on the same documents this whole week. You obviously have no work to do. Hell, you always were one for hard work." I sighed, realizing he was right, placing my head in my hands.
"I know, Jesse, I'm sorry. Things have just been hard you know. I don't mean to push you away."
"It's fine Angela. I'm perfectly okay with leaving you alone. Sometimes that's better than talking about things." He said. 'There could be nothing worse than that right about now.' I thought, biting my tongue. "I understand. Thank you, for everything. With all the attention placed on me, I feel like I should try and help you. I am the doctor after all."
A chuckle escaped him, and he tipped his hat, smirking as always, despite his sadness over the loss of Nathan. "I know. I just never really like to focus on myself. Gives me too much time to think about things." He said, twiddling his thumbs. "I suppose so. I feel the same way Jesse. Just know you can talk to me. We both loved Nate in our own ways." I assured him, and he nodded, adjusting his BAMF buckle.
"Thanks Angela. You're always good for a smile." He complimented me, and I smiled, as he grinned. "I appreciate the compliment Jesse. You always were a charmer." I teased, and he blushed a bit, leaning back in his seat. "Yeah, Nate used to tell me that a lot." He grinned at the memory, staring off for a moment. I couldn't help but enjoy myself with Jesse.
We had always been friends ever since we met. He always had a personality to him that made me want to be around him. He was a charming man, and ever since we met, we chatted in our spare time. And I was willing to bet things wouldn't be changing between us anytime soon.
"It's just weird sometimes..." he muttered, piquing my interest. He seemed a little bothered by something. "I just don't get it. I don't know why the world felt the need to take Nathan away. Of all the people. He died for someone who had killed him, and his daughter. He always said he wouldn't die a hero, but that's not true."
"I couldn't think of a more honorable death." I admitted, and his brows furrowed as he focused on his hands. "I could. He got put down like some rabid dog. Like he was worthless. We always said we were in it together, no matter what, and now, now he's gone. He was always trying to protect me, and he did, to his final breath. So what am I supposed to do now?" He asked, rubbing his tired eyes.
"That is Kirkland's fault he died, not yours, or anyone else's." I said, and he turned his head to me, fury and rage built up inside. "Then why haven't we done something?! Why in the hell are we sitting back while she gets away with murder?! She killed Nathan, my brother, and we just sit here! Nathan would've already killed her by now if I died. Why did the world leave me to live?" He questioned.
I had never seen McCree so broken. He was always a cocky and confident person. But now without Nate to lean on, he was more vulnerable than I could imagine. We all were vulnerable. We all leaned on him in some way. And now we were crippled without our crutch, hobbling along. I missed him so much. I don't think he'll ever realize what he was to us.
I took his trembling hands in mine. "You can't think of it that way. He is gone, and it's over, and all we can do now is make him proud. You are left behind. We are his legacy. It's up to us to make him proud." I told him, and he stood up. "Then why do I feel like that's nothing?! I don't want to be here to make him proud! I want him to still be with me!"
"You think I don't want that as well?! He was my everything. I loved the man more than life itself, and a lot of the time I tell myself its my fault he's gone. But it's too late. We can't fix this. We must deal with this, and make do with what we have! I love him, and I will always love him, but I know, he wouldn't want me to break down! He would want us to stand together, now more than ever! If we don't do that, we failed him." I explained, my emotions erupting from me as I ranted. I had yet to really let my feelings out ever since his death. I tried to keep everything bottled up. But eventually I explode.
For a moment he only stared in silence, contemplating what I said. But he then hugged me tightly, and I felt my tears release once more. He planted a kiss on my forehead, as he held me, keeping me steady. "Thank you, Angie, for everything." He let go of me, holding my shoulders. "Holler if you need anything, I'll be down at the bar." He informed me, and I frowned.
Before I could recommend he avoided alcohol, he spoke again. "I'm not gonna be getting piss drunk. It's just a thing Nate and I settled. If one of us died, we'd go have a drink and tell the other about how we are feeling. I feel like it's long overdue. You're welcome to join me." He offered, and I pondered the choice for a moment.
It was quite tempting. The ability to let loose and let go of everything would be great. And McCree was always good at staying by my side, even if he was a little tipsy. Smiling, I shot a glance at him, and he chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes." He joked, opening the door behind us. He held it open, and I laughed. "What a gentleman." I teased, and he laughed. "Chivalry isn't dead." He replied, escorting me back to the bar. Maybe it would be good to relax a bit.
Later...
I had already arrived back at my room, late at night, McCree wishing me a goodnight. He always did know how to be a gentleman. I wished him the same, heading to my bed. My head ached a bit, and I could tell I'd have a bit of a hangover. But I could hold my liquor, and I'd been through worse these past couple of weeks.
Back in my bed, I struggled to get some sleep. It was hard these days without Nate there to keep me comfort. He would always hold me close, and when I couldn't sleep, he'd stay up with me and chat. He was always there for me. Nate never failed to impress me with how much he cared for me. Sometimes I wake up, rolling over, expecting to find Nathan beside me, but everytime he was gone. At times I felt like I could still feel him beside me, whispering sweet nothings to me, hushing me to sleep.
Once again, I found myself in the lush forests from my dream from earlier, and I grew fearful quickly. I didn't want to be ripped from happiness again. But I kept moving, through it all. It was like Nathan had given me his strength to keep moving, even though I feared every step. In some ways, Nathan never really left me.
And there he sat, upon the stump of a tree, his leg crossed over the other, his eyes focused around him as he took in the beauty of the landscape. My heart stopped when his eyes met mine again, his grin widening. Nathan quickly ran to me, and this time, I could feel him pick me up and twirl me around. I couldn't help but giggle, feeling the wonders of being in his arms again. I was safe and sound here, with him.
Stopping, placed me back down, smiling. "I missed you Angela. I love you so much." He said, and I placed a hand on his cheek, and he kissed my hand. "I'm sorry I left you." He apologized, and I thought about how this was even possible. Was this truly my imagination? Or was some higher power at work here, allowing me to see my beloved Nathan again? Either way, I thanked it.
"You don't have to apologize." I said, and he laughed. "Death called for my name again, and I told him to fuck off, and that I was going to wait for you." He smiled, and I laughed. "That sounds like my Nate." I giggled, as he frowned a bit. "Did you all get my letter?" He asked, concerned. I nodded, and he let go a sigh of relief. "Good, I spent a while writing that. I wanted to say goodbye myself, but... I never got the chance. I'm sorry I sent you away. I'm sorry I died. But I guess I did die a hero." He grinned to himself, almost looking proud.
"How could we ever repay you?" I asked, and he raised an eyebrow. "Well a night with you in bed would be good." He said, and I blushed. "I'm only half kidding. All I really want is for you all to be happy, and save the world like you always do." He encouraged me, and I smiled, still trying to take all of this in. How was this happening? If this was my dream, I hope nobody will wake me.
"After all, I'm just the guy who joined Overwatch." He said, turning his head to the autumn leaves below. I placed my hand on his chin, sitting in his lap, forcing him to look at me. "You've always been Overwatch. It just took you a while to realize it. You sacrificed yourself for us. You've done everything you could." I told him, and he nodded his head.
"It's just...you left us. We don't know what to do without you. You've made such a big impact. We aren't the same. McCree isn't the same, I'm not either. Amari isn't, Lucio, Hana, Jack, Reinhardt, Lena, Winston, none of us. We thought you would be the one to lead us into the final battle... but now..." I trailed off, and he sighed.
"I know. I'm sorry for leaving. But it was my time. And I was happy. I believe in all of you. I'm watching over you all, and keeping an eye out for you. Trust me, I haven't forgotten." He told me, but I wasn't convinced. Things would never be the same without him. "Look... I don't just die for anyone," he said, smiling. "I died for you all, because I knew, not I thought, KNEW you all could carry on, and get this job done, and save the world. Overwatch is back in business. Or it will be soon enough. And knowing that, I'd gladly die a second time." He said.
"Or a third time." I corrected him, and he laughed. "I always did have an angel looking out for me. Now it's time I returned the favor. Now go Angela, don't let me keep you away. Go out and save the world like you always do. I love you." He said, kissing me, before I felt myself being dragged away, as he stood up, picking up our daughter who ran to him, calling his name.
He cradled her in his arms, smiling down on her. His eyes met mine once more, and he grinned. "I'll come back for you." I called out to him, and he smiled.
"I know. And I'll be waiting, Angela. I love you." He said, but before I could return the three words, I woke up.
My eyes had snapped open, and I felt a surge of energy from the vision. All while I still pondered how I even saw him again and got to speak with and feel Nathan, I got dressed, slipping into my lab coat I wore from when Overwatch was still legal. It reminded me of when Nate and I first met. 'Go out and save the world like you always do.'
Those words echoed in my head, as I found a new outlook on everything. I had a smile on my face, passing by Jesse, who tipped his hat, glad to see me smiling. As I soon arrived at my destination in Winston's office, I moved up the stairs quickly, as he turned to me.
He seemed shocked to see me, especially with my smile and rejuvenated actions and posture. "Hello Angela, I didn't expect to see you here. What can I do for you?" He asked, and my eyes darted to the hard drive we left there. I picked it up, wiping the dust that had gathered off of it. This was what Nathan died for. And I would be damned if I let it go to waste. I wasn't waiting anymore. Overwatch was back in business.
I was back in business.
A smug grin met my lips, and he smiled as well, understanding. "For Nathan." He said, as I handed him the hard drive, as he studied it for a moment, thinking about Nathan. He turned to the photo of Nathan he had on his desk, and he smiled.
"Let's get to work."