Still have my cold, getting better though. Killed time during my sick days from school playing Majora's Mask, it is very fun.
Published November 5, 2009
Fun in Gerudoland
"You there, defrost Volvagia," Gohma ordered Koume.
"Give me one good reason." Gohma roared, punching through one of the pillars. "There's a good reason." Koume shot fire at the dragon, taking him out of his icy prison.
"At last, free," Volvagia hissed.
"I would have kept you in longer but you were glaring at me pretty hard," Gohma said. "It was getting creepy."
"FREE ME!"
"Could you two do that whole teleporting thing on King Dodongo? Like what you did to Nabooru?"
"Not the best idea. We don't have control of where whatever we teleport ends up, so it would really just be a guessing game," Koume explained. "Nabooru could be in Lake Hylia for all we know."
"Just do it. Then go find him."
-Chamber of the Sages-
Link, Navi, Gohma, Barinade, Phantom, Volvagia, Morpha, and Bongo Bongo came through the light, hearing the platform begin to groan under their weight. The light of the Sage of Spirit appeared, and out rose a large block of ice that contained Nabooru. The chamber was silent.
Another light appeared and Darunia rose from it. "Why am I here?"
"You're the Sage of Fire, so something," Rauru's voice echoed.
"I'm a Goron. We are a bunch of rocks."
Volvagia defrosted Nabooru. "Damn witches… I gotta give you guys some applause though, beating them probably wasn't very easy."
"Not as easy as Morpha was," Gohma said, watching the angered ball with satisfaction.
"So have you become a competent swordsman in these past seven years?" Nabooru asked.
"Somewhat, though the allies have helped him a lot," Navi said. "I've seen some improvement."
"Hey, I'm awesome at fighting and I always have been awesome! Just ask Saria if you doubt me."
"Tag isn't considered fighting," Saria's voice echoed.
"It should be!"
"Stop getting off topic. Geez, is this what happens in all of your conversations?"
"Yes," everyone in hearing range answered.
Nabooru nodded. "Okay, then I better keep things on track. As you probably know, I was brainwashed by those two witches and used as mostly a figurehead and cook by Ganondorf. In the end, I'm the Sage of Spirit though, so he messed up by not killing me on the spot."
"The Sage of each place really just seems to be the person closest to the temple at the time," Phantom said. "All of you were the only ones aside from us in each temple. I'm beginning to think that what makes a person a sage isn't as deep as I once thought."
"Aren't you all Ganondorf's minions? You even look exactly like him aside from the skull."
"Hey, shouldn't we be getting a medallion around now?"
Nabooru scowled. "I will give you the medallion once I get the silver gauntlets like I was originally supposed to. Don't think that I forgot about that Link, I wrote it down!" Link frowned as he handed her the silver gauntlets. "Awesome, now instead of my old promise, I will give you the medallion."
"But I want to know your name!" Link whined. "That medallion is just representing your awakening and isn't vital to our journey at all, so can't I know your name?"
"I- uh- sure. My name is Nabooru."
"Finally! I've been in suspense for seven years!"
"We know!" Navi yelled at Barinade as he moved forward to speak.
A light came from a different area, and Rauru rose from his section. "Good job all of you. All of the six Sages have awoken. It is time for the final battle with Ganondorf."
"How do you know that it will be a fight? We could just talk to him," Link said.
"That is anticlimactic and would not make an appropriate climax to your adventure," Rauru explained. "Before that though, you should meet the one who is waiting for you at the Temple of Time."
"Is it Sheik?"
"Possibly."
"Wow, you're great at being suspenseful," Nabooru sarcastically commented. "If we're just going to stand around waiting for Link to do stuff then I'm going back to the fortress for a while. Maybe I'll kill some things in the Gerudo Training Ground."
"You are free to come and go as you please, as long as you are here during-"
"Wait, we are?" Ruto asked.
"I never knew that!" Saria exclaimed.
"And when did you say that?" Impa asked.
"Okay, getting crowded. Let's go," Navi said before the group was engulfed in a light, taking them out of the chamber and away from the bickering sages.
Everyone arrived in the desert colossus. "To the Gerudo Fortress!" Link proclaimed.
"Why there?" Bongo Bongo asked.
"That training ground Nabooru mentioned sounds fun."
"So in other words it's fun time before the final showdown," Gohma said.
"Sure, why not."
"If that's the case I want to go swimming in Lake Hylia," Morpha said. "You know, feel powerful for a while before being reduced from the greatness that I am to a bouncy ball in the hands of some ADD assholes."
"I want to see the Deku Tree," Gohma said. "The place where all this madness started, and my main success."
"I shall… 'check up' on the Gorons… Make sure that some are still alive," Volvagia hissed, a wide grin spreading across his face.
"And I'll be there to screw things up for you," King Dodongo announced as he and the Twinrova sisters approached.
"We found him face first in a pile of cow crap from before Kotake killed them all," Koume said. "It was there for nine years."
"That sucks to be teleported into," Link said, grimacing.
"Yeah… Teleported…"
"So I heard that you were going to the Gerudo Fortress," Kotake said. "Can I come? I want to go there but I don't want to be lonely on the trip."
"You'd have Koume, wouldn't you?"
"She's a cold hearted bitch." Koume punched her in the back of the head.
After a quick discussion, Gohma was heading to the Deku Tree, King Dodongo and Volvagia were going to Goron City, Barinade and Morpha were travelling to Lake Hylia, and the rest of them were going to the Gerudo Training Ground. For those unable to tell that is Link, Navi, Phantom, Bongo Bongo, Koume, and Kotake.
-Temple of Time-
"They here yet?"
"No."
"They here yet?"
"No fairy, be quiet."
"How about now?"
"No!"
"How are GOATS IN MY UNDERPANTS?!"
"Magic. Now shut up." Ganondorf was still waiting for either Koume and Kotake to contact him or for Link's group to arrive. He had seen Sheik arrive several hours ago and based on the reports Sheik was always where Link would show up. That guy would just stand there, unmoving, until the Hero of Time and his posse of Ganon's old minions arrive. "Just a few more minutes and someone will be here…"
-Gerudo Fortress-
"What are you doing here?" Nabooru asked Link as he rode in circles on Epona. "Shouldn't you be going to the Temple of Time? You know, to that waiting ninja guy?"
"I'll just be a few minutes, first I- Oh, archery!" Link rode over to the Gerudo at the archery course.
The Gerudo observed Epona. "That's a pretty nice horse, where'd you steal it from?" she asked.
"Lon Lon Ranch," Link answered. "I wonder how that place is. I'll go check it out after this!"
Nabooru sighed. "How long do ya think it'll take him to get all this stuff done?"
"All day, maybe two," Navi answered as Link shot arrows sporadically at the targets while the Gerudo chased him down on her own horse. She began to talk with Phantom once Link stole the Gerudo's horse and tried to jump over the targets.
"So no hard feelings about the whole 'brainwash you for several years and force you into the cruel service of the person you hate the most in the world,' right?" Kotake asked Nabooru hopefully.
"Meh. Honestly I kind of liked the axe."
"I won a heart piece!" Link cheered as he ran over to them, holding the heart fragment over his head. "What's it do?"
-Temple of Time-
Sheik sat down on the pedestal of time, one of the many "OBJECT of Time" objects in the temple. "Booooriiiiing," echoed through the wide room.
"ANAL WAFFLES!" came from somewhere in the distance. Sheik chose to ignore it.
-Gerudo Fortress-
"Only registered members allowed, eh? I'm registered!" Link turned to the Gerudo standing before the locked door. "Time to go!"
"Ten rupees," the Gerudo said. "Enjoy your stay." She cackled maniacally, stepping aside to let the group pass.
"I will." They entered the room, seeing three doors in the room. "Let's go left!"
A voice suddenly boomed through the air. "If you can overcome the trials in the chambers ahead, then and only then will you be qualified to hold our secret treasure."
"Easy enough." Inside the room, the voice spoke again.
"You have one minute to defeat the enemies." Two Stalfos burst from the ground and ran at Link. Link took out his Biggoron's Sword and slashed one through the middle as Bongo Bongo smashed one to pieces with a punch to the wall. "We probably should have chosen an enemy that they weren't used to dealing with."
After gathering several silver rupees, they moved on to the next room once Link was saved from a box of fire.
"Use the longshot!" Navi told him. "There's a target you can pull yourself through."
"That will send me through the fire!"
"Stop choosing now as a time to be smart!"
Once that ordeal was finished by Phantom breaking the fire, the upcoming room was entered. It was not timed, but they had to blow up another door in it. Link took out his bomb, aiming at it carefully. "Easy... Easy..." He gently tossed it up to the door. The fake door opened, smacking the bomb back to Link. He screamed and threw it to the door again, resulting in the same effect. "Where's Barinade when you need him?!"
In Lake Hylia, Barinade and Morpha were terrorizing the scientist living there.
The bomb exploded, killing the door. Now there was no where to go. "Random item usage time! Ocarina..." He played the Song of Storms. "No. Deku Nuts..." The witches were blinded. "No. Din's Fire?"
"No!" Phantom stole it from Link. "Not here."
"Use the lens of truth, I have a good feeling about that one," Navi ordered.
"I don't like that one, it let me see Bongo Bongo for the first time. It destroyed me inside. Utterly destroyed me."
"Oh shut up about me already. I'm less hideous than Phantom, he's a deformed Ganondorf skull!"
"Well I have smooth cheekbones and sexy monkey ears, how am I hideous?"
"The skull."
"The skull."
"The skull."
Phantom broke down the bars blocking the door and continued without saying a word.
Three Like Likes were before them. "I'll kill it," Link declared, taking out his Biggoron's Sword. It was much longer than the Like Like's range. Link stabbed one, but it deflected off of the beast. He slashed this time, resulting in the same outcome. Link got fed up by this break in physics and leaped at the monster, stabbing straight into its mouth. Unfortunately it grabbed the sword with its face and ate it. "That's bad."
Bongo Bongo struck the Like Like with his fist, but that was eaten too. "Ew, it feels like gross."
"Not as gross as your FACE!"
"I will kill you some day."
Thanks to the Lens of Truth, another room was found in the previous room, the place where Navi suggested using it but Link was too scared because it was the item that made him see Bongo Bongo and Link didn't like Bongo Bongo very much... Link's so silly.
"Blind all of the statue's eyes," came from the air.
Link opened his mouth to speak, but Bongo Bongo interrupted him. "One more comment about me and I will tear you inside out through your asshole."
"I- I was going to suggest... shooting the eyes with arrows," Link stuttered, cowering from the angry beast. Bongo Bongo stared at him blankly. "Okay I was going to tell you to stand in front of them."
"Will you shoot the eyes already? There's a line up and you're close to setting the record for slowest finishing time!"
Koume nudged Kotake. "Didn't you set the record for slowest completion time?"
"Hmm? Oh yes, I set a record in here. It was a completion time one... Wait, did you just say slowest?"
"What? I don't know what you're talking about slowpoke. I didn't say anything about you completing the course ridiculously slowly and having the worst time in over two centuries. Not at all. You're getting senile Kotake, eh heh heh heh."
Kotake glared at Koume suspiciously.
A later section of the training ground was simply an empty room. "Defeat the enemies within a time limit." Two Dinofols dropped from the roof, rushing forward in an attack. Fire and ice were shot at one at the same time, doing absolutely nothing to it.
"You got in my way, Kotake!"
"No I didn't. You got in MY way with your flaming stuff!"
"It's fire, and it's better for combat than ice is. Just stand back and make your drink colder."
"You were always the smartass of the two of us."
"Stop arguing and shoot different ones!" Phantom snapped as he dueled with one of the Dinofols.
Once all the keys were gathered they all entered the last room and began to unlock the doors. "So what do we get for going through this?" Link asked the witches.
"Ice arrows, the best kind of arrows," Kotake told him.
"This is a lot to go through for some optional arrows," Navi muttered as they reached the chest.
"But it's ice!"
"Which is inferior to fire."
"Quiet, Koume."
-Temple of Time-
Sheik sighed. "If they're going to take as long as I think they will, I'm going out for food."