A/N I kept this chapter in Helena's POV. This is supposed to be my 'Fluffy' story, so it is taking me a bit to get through the angst.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Syfy.
"I do not deserve you, you said to me a few weeks ago. Now it feels like my mantra"
Myka's voice was a soft contrast to the almost deafening pound of the rain against our window panes as she rested her head on my lap. I was stationed on the sofa; my head had lulled backed as I listened to Mother Nature's angry rebuttal to eons of human abuse.
Myka had walked in earlier, her damp curls nodding in time with her head as she eyed the space next to me on the couch. She returned my smile as I held out my hand for her towel that she was using to dry her damp curls, for her to join me. Our fingers brushing, and as if on cue, a flash of lightning illuminated the room, as if to highlight the energy that never seemed to diminish between us.
I placed the towel in my lap, patting my thigh with my free hand, my arm raised, sending her an invitation to join me. Our time was quite as we both settled into a warm, albeit, a studious appraisal of position the first few minutes on the couch. The living room was illuminated by the candles I had lit while Myka was in the shower.
She had yelped, calling my name when the power had gone out from the storm earlier. I had raced to the bathroom, flashlight in hand as I set about the illumination so she could finish.
"Wash my back?" came out as a soft plea from her as she stood in the shower, soapy water dripping from the soft cloth she held in her hand toward me.
That hesitant, crooked smile that form on her heavenly face, bottom lip held entrapped by her teeth melted my resolve. Myka braced her arms against the cool tile of the shower, pushing her back towards me as I lathered her, goosebumps following in the wake of my finger that traced down her spine. My own rising along my arm as the mist from the steam damped the fine hairs on my arm.
"I need to go check the house," I whispered as a moan of desire escaped her lips. Those sounds crashing against my heart as I had shut the bathroom door, leaning against it; I ran my hand through my hair, brushing back the tendering against my cheek. On any other given time, I would have joined her without hesitation, the thought of our soap-slicked skin sliding together flooded my mind, until, the now frustrating panic quilling those lustful desires.
"I am such a gint," I sighed in frustration to myself.
I needed to get over this panic, Dr. Cho's voice reverberating in my mind, "You are worth being loved. Having or not being able to have children does not equate you as a woman. Myka fell in love you, Helena. Not with a baby factory."
"Baby, I'm getting your sweats wet," Myka said as she started to raise her head off my lap. My hand, which had traveled under the hem of my favorite tank top, which she had now claimed as hers, though I had to admit, looked much better on her then me, especially as her nipples strained against the tight, thin fabric, my fingers pressing against her side as to keep her stilled upon my lap.
"Nonsense, my love. I am quite content as we are," I whispered as I pressed my lips against her now drying locks.
Myka hummed softly her contentment as she settled her head back on my lap. Her hand slipping between my knees, her fingers then finding the warmth they were seeking as I enjoyed their journey.
I felt Myka shift on my lap, watching her arm stretch for the glass on the coffee table in front of us. I was enthralled as I watched her soft, yet defined arm muscles flex and retract, highlighted by the soft glow of the candles as she gripped the glass. My skin hummed as I felt her head turn, her chin pressing into my thigh as she huffed out her frustration with the glass, seemly mocking her attempts at grasping it as it tried to escape her grasp. But, alas, my smart, stubborn agent won out in the battle of woman vs. glass. I was at a loss as the sweet feel of her throat then swallowing the amber liquid down.
"Tell me about your day, Darling" I asked as I cleared my throat, trying to repress the thought of how her throat would feel humming against my inner thigh. My hand gripping the glass she had now raised above her for me to take.
"The same as it was the last few days. Leena, Steve and I crossing our T's and dotting our I's on the ton of paper work from this last case," Myka sighed, her fingers curling tighter against my thigh as I propped my foot against the coffee table, placing the glass near her hand after I finished my sips.
"And yours?" she asked rhetorically, feeling the vibration of her throat muscles against my leg as she drained the last of the whiskey.
I groaned as I threw my head back against the couch, running my fingers through my hair as I released a heavy sigh. Cursing silently to myself as I tried to sort through my convoluted emotions. My desire was stoked by just the simplest of her touch, my body missing our heated exchanges. But my mind wanted to exchange heated words of my desire to settle this need to say out loud, what we both needed to hear.
"Myka, are we really going to ignore the pink elephant in the room? All the weeks of therapy and us both agreeing to everyone, but each other, that we need to talk?"
I watched as her arm snaked out from my thigh, reaching for the bottle near the glass on the table. I waited as she filled the glass, the light from the flames of the candles casting a warm hue through the glass. Feeling her then take a long sip, her hand, with the glass, raised back up to me.
"Seems like a pink giraffe to me," I felt the smirk against my leg as she settled her hand back between my knees, then kissing my thigh.
"Not what I meant and you damn well know that, sweetie" I mumbled against the rim of the glass after I swallowed my sip.
"I know," She said between nips through my yoga pants after she had removed the towel from my thigh.
"Do not even try to deflect my attention," I sighed in frustration, gripping her hand which had started to work under my legs, inching toward my center.
"Fine, whatever," Myka grumbled as she tried to push herself up from my lap. "It's not like we were going to do anything anyways." Myka sighed out her frustration.
"Myka, my love, please stop," I insisted with my hand on her bare shoulder, pushing her back down onto my lap. "This is not an easy matter for me to broach either. I know we talked about having a child a while ago. That we agreed that I would carry our child. But seeing as things have changed, that I have changed." I sighed as I shifted.
Myka then turned her back on the couch, her head still resting on my lap as she stared up at me as I continued, "I am half the woman I used to be," gulping down my last words.
"You are my whole woman, the full woman that I fell in love with. Nothing will ever change my love for you," her words slicing up my heart, only to make it whole in the same breath as I was drowning in her sea of green, brushing away a stray curl as I smiled down at my love.
"I am glad that you went to see Dr. Cho after your panic attack. I just wish you would tell me why you did panic when I tried to love you?" Myka softly pleaded, her hand rising up, brushing the back of her fingers against my cheek as I fought off the flood of tears that pushed like a tsunami from behind my eyes.
"I felt like I did not deserve your love, for you to love me. It is one of the reasons I panicked and pushed you away that night."
Myka shifted, her brow furrowing at me trying to hold her down on my lap. "No, Babe. My turn," she said in a semi-stern voice as she gripped my wrists that were trying their utmost to curve around her glorious hind side. I let my head lull back, watching with hooded eyes as she settled on top of my lap. Her face, her whole body intent on making sure she had my undivided attention.
Which was a wise move on her behalf. The sight of my Myka, in her dark gray yoga pants, my white T, correction, her now claimed white tank clinging to her would have been a complete distraction to me on any other given night. But the severity and seriousness of this conversation required my undivided attention.
Her hands cupped my cheeks as she settled her frame on top of me. Her 'legs for days' squeezing against my hips to steady us in place on the sofa. I tried my best to contain my thoughts at the seriousness of it all. But, if I was being honest … I loved giving up all control to her. I needed to, in this very moment.
"You have and will always be my everything, Helena. I know that I was stand offish when it first came to kids. I always said I loved kids, as long as they were someone else's." she smirked at her last quip, causing an involuntary smile to cross my mouth.
"But, low and behold, all I want now ...is our own," she stated with a vehement tone that I had just now only become witness to. I then tried to protest at her words, but the gently urging of her hips against my lap, her loving hands keeping my head from turning away from her caused me to pause. That and a quick nip to my bottom lip to halt any and all further interruptions.
'Gods be, this woman knows me better than I know myself.' I smirked inwardly.
"I know we agreed, when we started to nest with our home, that you would carry our child to term. I struggled with the decision at Dr. Frederic's office, at her having to remove your eggs, you know, but in that moment, I had found peace within my heart, wanting to give birth to our family," Myka whispered her words as I felt wrapped in a secure blanket of love from her forest green eyes.
The pads of her thumbs brushing away the cascade of tears from my cheeks as I swallowed, nodding my understanding at her hearts admission of wanting to have a family to call our own.
"So, it is settled?" Myka asked, my fingers brushing lightly over the fine hairs at the small of her back as I whispered 'yes'. Her bodies shivers in turned caused an ignition deep inside my soul as we shook together, as if all the planets aligned, that the universe had become one with our beating hearts.
Myka smile was a cascade of emotions as she gripped my hands, shaking her head in amusement as she placed them down at my side. "Remember, I said, Mrs. Bering-Wells, my turn," her breath starting to slowly race as she sat back on my legs, her smile never leaving her face as she lifted her tank over her head.
"All of me and only for you," She rasped out as she tossed my favorite tank over her shoulder.
She threaded her fingers through my hair, holding my head steadfast from the desire my lips were craving as my eyes danced up and down, hypnotized at the rise and fall of her perfect breasts as her breaths caused her chest to rise and fall.
"Yours," she moaned out as my lips possessed her peaks. Each letter emphasized with a scrape against my scalp from her nails as she arched her back, her desire forced against my lips.
My hands 'Roman' my fingers 'Russian' as they invaded under her pants.
"So, has Cho cured you? …" Myka rasped as her hips rocked against my lap.
"You tell me"