Once upon a lullaby chapter33
O.M.G. I'm in love with Kyo. I'm in love with Kyo. I'm in love with Kyo. I'M IN LOVE WITH KYO! Why can't I get it out of my head? We are home now, the trip ended nicely everybody admiring my tattoo but in my head I couldn't stop thinking those 5 words. And I can't even be in the same room as him... for example...
Kyo had asked at the doorway; "So nami want me to order takeout or are you cook..."
"Bathroom!" I had interrupted him running out the door. And it had been like that for the past week. I can't help it; I keep seeing his differently. Every smile makes me blush, every word makes my heart thump, and every sad face makes me want to cry. I shouldn't feel this way; it makes life so much harder. GOD! I thumped my head down on the book of whispers. Lately ive been using it as a distraction, but it hasn't worked at all today. I don't care about demons; I don't care about spells... I just keep thinking about him. I've lost sleep over it and I don't know what I'm supposed to do... I was never supposed to fall in love. I was never supposed to burden anyone... but here I am falling in love... NO IT'S NOT LOVE! It's just a crush... yeah a crush... just a crush. Then I pictured Kyo and my heart sped, I became dizzy and I could imagine him holding me close to him dancing... O.M.G why do I have to be in love with Kyo!? It's not a crush it could never be a crush because it's so much more... but I won't act on it... it's not worth it. I won't hide either. I will be strong; I will be able to be around him.
I walked down the stairs where Kyo, yuki and shigure sat down reading and watching TV. Yuki and kyo's heads turned when I looked in the room. Yuki smiled before turning back to the TV but Kyo grinned at me. Uh-oh darn my heart. "Nami, come sit down and watch TV with us." He gestured to the seat next to him and I slowly sat down. I was so close to him I could hear his heart slow and even not at all like mine that was beating at 1000000000mph. "So yeah this show is the TV series of your guardian angel." And he turned his head to face mine and for a slight second there was like an electric current bursting through me.
"I need to get a drink." I jumped up and almost ran into the kitchen. I gulped down one glass before getting another. I said I will be strong... but we were too close... yeah we were too close that's the problem. OK ill go out again but I'll sit further away. I walked out into the room and there he sat, yuki and shigure had left the room and there was nobody to dilute the emotion tied feeling I have.
"Nami?" Kyo asked facing me, he sounded unsure and cautious as he asked.
"I'm sorry Kyo but I need to go out." And I ran out the door before he could say anything.
I don't know where I'm running, I can breathe now but my head is still jumbled... I don't want my heart broken; I don't want to tell him. Because then I will have a reason to stay and I can't have Kyo being hurt because of my selfish desires. After a while of running through the thick trees I reached a familiar place. Great, right after wanting to stop thinking about him I've led myself to the clubhouse. I climbed up the rope ladder and walked into the small room. This room holds so much, so many happy times. Photo albums of us together, empty wrappers of sweets we stole from the house. Happy times when life wasn't confusing. I fell back onto the soft pink beanbag; I could feel the small beans shifting to the way I sat and the small rustling sound of them rubbing together. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Maybe I will be able to see him again, maybe I will be able to stop running... but I don't know how. I mean all my life I have been running, but it was always out of fear, it was something I was used to and then I was able to stop running, I was able to feel happy in a place that felt like home, a sense of family. I was happy, REALLY happy. But after time I started to feel more, especially for Kyo. What I felt for him was more than family, its love. But it's not meant to be, I mean after I break the curse he will be able to fall in love, with whoever he wants. Hopefully they will be able to get married and have kids and be happy, insanely happy. No happier than anybody else in the world. It doesn't matter if he doesn't love me back; just if he lives the long happy life I won't have. And I will watch down from the stars and light up the sky that they will stare at and I will be happy. Without me around they will all be happy... and I'm fine with that. It's ok now. But maybe just a few more weeks of avoiding couldn't do me any harm...
"Nami?" Kyo pulled himself up into the clubhouse. My eyes flashed open and there he knelt looking at me with a curious expression. "Are you ok? Did I do anything wrong? Please stop avoiding me." His voice broke on the last sentence. I looked at him long and hard. I kept my heart under control and just looked at him; sure I looked at him differently but that wasn't the end of the world. He was still Kyo who was always there making me feel better, and I can deal with that. He was my Kyo up until the day I die I could be with him... it's not hard I can do it. It was then that I realised that I hadn't been running from love, it had still been fear. People can't run from love because it will still linger in your heart, and your heart will always ache. But running from fear...? That's easy; running from fear is so easy because we don't need any other reason for running. But there is nothing frightening about Kyo. I'm in love with him. Don't know how Kagura will deal with that though. "Nami answer me please."
"Kyo?" I asked hesitant. "We are friends right? Best friends?" He looked almost offended.
"Of course I am!" He spoke quickly and he went to continue. "Is this your way of telling me we can't be friends?" He gasped silently.
"No obviously not. I guess I was just having doubt's that's all. Sorry I'm such a worry guts, but we need to come to the clubhouse more often this place is going to have actual dust bunnies hopping around here." I smirked. I was wrong to think much had changed, I can be myself with Kyo, it's just who he is.
"Ok, ok but your gonna have to tell me when you want to come. I'm not a mind reader you know." He was smiling back just like usual. My heart still raced but it was like back ground music.
"Thank god for that if you could see in my head you would be totally messed up." I pulled him on the beanbag next to me.
"Well I suppose that's true." He laughed.
"Hey." I pushed his shoulder, his laughter increased and was infectious we both ended up leaning against each other's shoulders laughing. He was the sun, the light I needed to clear the fog in my heart. I guess I AM pretty selfish but I want him... no NEED him... but would it matter if he wanted me too?
Well nami won't be mentioning TOO much about her love for Kyo as her goal is to break the curse. But what will she do when Rin faints and has to go to hospital?