Chapter 36
Of Canvas And Art
"Oh, Prada, Sebastian, I wake up and then there's this strange abomination that insisted its shows it presence in my room…"
"…you saw Blaine's boxers? I was disappointed too. I was hoping for panties. Or you know, really tight boxers."
"…look at it, Sebastian. What the hell is that and what is it doing on my wall? And can it breathe?"
"That? Did you see 50/50? The woman used to put things on the wall all the time. Her paintings and shit. So I decided to grace you with my paintings even though you don't fucking deserve my genius. Not really."
"That's a painting? It looks like Finn played volleyball with it and then decided that he was being too nice, so he let your cat piss on it. And then another cat pissed on your cat so there's double piss."
"Fuck you, Hummel. Learn romance. In the movie—"
"Yeah. I watched 50/50. Is that the girl that's cheated on him?"
"Fine. I'll make a new masterpiece."
"…Sebastian, is this like the time you put bread in a toaster and then put jam on top of the toaster and said that this had a deeper meaning to it than just some toast being cooked?"
"It did have a deeper meaning. See. Blaine is the jelly. He is the pest that never sleeps and we're in the toaster. Fucking. Since a toaster is hot."
"Sebastian. Every time you try to show your sympathetic side, I begin to think that you've been raised by drug addicts."
"Are you suggesting that my Father went back to snorting coke?"
"…"
"Hummel, on that wall, is the symbol of our love. Can you see it?"
"Cat piss is the symbol of our love?"
"It's brown and it's white and it's I think blue. I thought that was blue. See, the brown is your hair, the white is your skin…but then I put red 'cause when you blush, you look like a fucking strawberry and the blue is your eyes."
"That's me? You drew me? …I never realised I bore such a resemblance to Sid the Sloth."
"It's a representation of how you look like in real life. Annoying, with hips, and refuses to leave me alone."
"…fuck you."
"Okay."
"Sebastian—!"
-Some Time Later-
"Gosh. That is the worst sex I've had so far with you. Not because it wasn't great but my back really hurts right now. Not quite fond of sex in the dark…Sebastian, why are you snickering?"
"Viola! My new masterpiece! I call it 'Fucking A Brunette When He's Unaware He's Actually Being Fucked on A Canvas And That I Coated His Body With Paint'—"
"…that Vaseline you put on me was actually paint?"
"…didn't you noticed you were covered in red paint?"
"No. I just thought I was angry. I'm always fucking angry at you because you do the stupidest things such as…wait. You even got it right to the birthmark of Mickey Mouse I have on my thigh…wait. Is that the outline of my face?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Sebastian. I was unaware I was full of paint. You said it was Vaseline!"
"…yeah? So?"
"Sebastian, I had to go to a very important dinner afterwards and my face was full of paint?"
"Oh. I thought you were angry about the sticker of a cock I put near your mouth when you fell asleep."
xo Peanut Butter/Sam