This chapter flips between Lily and Severus' POVs quite a bit.
Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling (in case that wasn't obvious) and I don't own the characters.
~The Lonely Geek
Chapter 37
A week later
"Lily please, just hear me out," I beg. "Just give me five minutes." She doesn't even bother replying, she just storms off, her eyes icy with anger. I sigh. I wish she'd just let me talk to her. Let me explain. I'd leave her alone for good, if she'd just hear me out. It breaks my heart that she just ignores me these days. All those years of friendship down the drain because I called her a mudblood. I know what I did was unforgivable, but she could at least hear me out.
Lily's POV
I have to blink back the tears as I walk away from Sev. I still can't believe that he called me that word. Or that he's even trying to talk to me. I can never forgive him. I've made exceptions for him and what his friends do in the past, but I can't any longer. He's disgusting. I wouldn't be surprised if he joins He Who Must Not Be Named and becomes a Death Eater when he leaves Hogwarts.
"You alright Evans?" I turn and see that Potter is standing behind me. Why can't everyone leave me alone.
"Shove off." I mutter and try to walk off.
"Okay, I just wanted to make sure Snape wasn't bothering you." He says in a tone that makes it sound almost like he cares about me.
"I'm fine, just leave me alone." I say and for once in his life he does. Part of me wants to forgive Severus. I think that I might be in love with him. I've had a crush on him for ages, but I always thought that he would never see me that way. I'm so confused, I love him, but I hate him. Part of myself hates myself for loving him.
Severus' POV
I don't think that Lily will listen to me so I've decided to write her a letter. Maybe she'll burn it, but it's worth a try.
Dear Lily,
I know that you probably won't read this, but I needed to explain. I know this is no excuse for what I said but I am so sorry for what I said.
In Slytherin, all the other houses look down on you. They think that all of us are pure-blood maniacs and are rude to us. People like Black and Potter think that they're better than us. Not all of us are like that Lily. Most are, which is why I joined in, but I didn't start out like this. I didn't even mean it, any time I said that word Lily. Being in Slytherin means that I have a lot better access to information about You Know Who than most.
He's powerful Lily, more powerful than any of us could possibly imagine, and I don't think the ministry is going to be strong enough to defeat him. I wanted to protect you Lily. I knew that if he took over, you'd be one of the first he killed, so I was hoping that if I became a Death Eater, if he thought that I was loyal to him, then he might spare you. I was only ever trying to protect you. It all seems pathetic now. It sounds like I'm trying to make excuses for what I did. I'm not though Lily, I swear.
There's something that I've never told you, told anyone. I love you Lily Evans. I know you don't feel the same way about me, but maybe telling you might help you to understand why I wanted to protect you so much. When you stopped speaking to me Lily, it felt like my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. I felt like my world was ending.
I feel so guilty and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you Lily, but there's not. Maybe one day you will come to understand, but I know that it's unlikely that you will ever be able to forgive me, for what I did to you, and what I've been doing to all muggle borns, is unforgivable. I am truly sorry.
With all my love and sorrow
Sev.
Lily's POV
I know that the letter is from Sev before I even open it. I know his handwriting so well. How many hours I must have sat and done homework with him, peeking over his shoulder at his scrawling handwriting to copy answers. I am tempted to set it on fire right there at the breakfast table, but something stops me.
All those years ago, Severus didn't care that I didn't believe him when he told me that I was a witch and he made me believe too. He helped me so that I knew as much as any pure-blood when I came to Hogwarts. I have to at least read it first. I owe him that much. Writing it cannot have been an easy thing for him.
I fold the letter up carefully. Severus loves me. I never thought... I can't let that get in the way of my decision though. The letter did sound sincere. Should I really let one mistake get in the way of years of friendship?
"We need to talk." I mutter to him as I pass the Slytherin table at breakfast the next day.
"Shove off mudblood," I hear someone call to me, but I just ignore them.
"Shut it," Sev says. "Don't call her that." Maybe he is changing. Before he would've said nothing if someone called me that. "When?" He turns to me.
"Meet me by the lake after lessons," I tell him. "And make sure we're alone." He nods.
"I am really sorry." He calls as I head over to the Gryffindor table.
"I know." I reply as I walk away.