With a jolt, Kouta awoke in the chair he had spent most of the night in, breathing heavily from a nightmare.
As he caught his breath, it occurred to him that he hadn't actually had any nightmares since that morning with Lucy, days ago. The image he had been tormented with this time, had not been Lucy's face. It was another, with cruel eyes, and a cold raspy voice that sounded like razor blades on a chalkboard. He shook it away, not wanting to think about that terrible creature who had masqueraded as a friend. It was difficult to put thoughts of Angel aside, considering one of her victims lay in the bed next to him.
Mayu slept soundly, which relieved Kouta, who had been worried about waking her with his sudden, violent reintroduction to consciousness. He had also been worried about whether he would wake her with snoring. Lucy would tease him about that sometimes, telling him how he had been "sawing logs" in the middle of the night. Lucy had gotten a kick out of his embarrassment, laughing as she told him it wasn't really that loud, and she was only teasing. He wondered if she had just added that on to spare his feelings, but it appeared that he had managed to keep from disturbing Mayu from the rest she sorely needed. Perhaps Lucy was telling the truth after all.
Lucy…
God I miss you…
It had all happened so fast. Angel walking through that door looking like a wild animal, hurting the people around him in a whirlwind of violence, and using Lucy's guilt against her as Angel forced her to confess her greatest sin to Yuka. It had been a dark night of pain and misery, for all of them.
"Let me go Yuka! I have to get her out of there!"
"No you don't Kouta! Don't you DARE go back in there to save that bitch!"
"Don't you call her…"
"KOUTA!"
She had forced him to turn around to where their home was. Even in the pouring rain, he could see the flames seeping from windows, and holes in the roof where the fire had already burnt through. Their home was burning. Pain had sliced his heart at seeing the destruction unfold.
"There's nothing you can do Kouta! If you go back, you'll die! Please! We have to find Mayu and Nana!"
All the pain and heartache in the world had crushed Kouta in that moment. Even knowing that his friends and family were in pain, even watching his home go up in flames, none of that was more important than Lucy. In that moment, for just a moment, he truly didn't care about anything else. Lucy was his whole life; the woman who shared his soul. If she died…if that wretched, howling animal killed Lucy, Kouta was sure that he would lose his will to live. As Yuka dragged him away from the burning wreckage of their home, Kouta knew that he was being selfish. He knew of course that Lucy would not want him to give up on his life, or the lives of those he loved, simply because she was gone. He had just been afraid, paralyzed with the fear that someone could take her away forever. He couldn't help thinking that there was something he could do. He didn't want her to leave; didn't want her to die.
He knew, of course, that Yuka was right to fight him tooth and nail, dragging him away from the burning house. All he would have done, was get in Lucy's way, and most likely be used by Angel to distract Lucy. He tried not to think about the struggle that surely followed Kouta, and Yuka's departure from the inn. Kouta had never witnessed a duel between two Diclonius, but knowing what both women were capable of, he was sure the fight would have been terrible to behold. Wringing his hands with worry, he wondered again if Lucy was even still alive. She had to be. Lucy was powerful, and determined. She was a survivor, and always had been. She just had to be alive…
She couldn't be dead…
A rustling sound from the bed startled Kouta from his miserable thoughts. He leaned closer to the bed, forcing a pleasant expression on his face, but found it wasn't necessary. Mayu was not waking up, but merely shifting in her bed. It was still a wonder to Kouta that Mayu was sleeping so peacefully, considering the grievous wounds she had suffered. It was a miracle that Mayu was even alive. Tears born of guilt welled up in his eyes as he remembered her bravery. Of them all, Mayu had been the first to stand up to a threat she couldn't hope to overcome. She had fought, and what had Kouta done? Stood there and watched that…monster…torture his family. He felt pathetic. Couldn't he have done something? Anything?
Mayu had showed such strength that awful night. Where had it come from? Had it always been there, developing slowly and he had never noticed? So many things he should have seen, and recognized. So much of it, and he had failed to see any of it. He had seen the darkness in Angel, deep down, that very first day. Why hadn't he been more cautious? Was it just hindsight that made it seem as though Angel's true nature had been more obvious that first day? Lucy had been fooled as well. They all had. It was only that fact which allowed Kouta to forgive himself for not realizing sooner what Angel was. After all, he would never have blamed Lucy for deciding to free her. How then could he blame himself?
He sighed. Yuka blamed her. She could do that.
Yuka had not trusted Angel from the start, why hadn't he listened to her? As far as Yuka was concerned, Lucy had brought this all upon them. It went deeper than that however, which Yuka let him know during their walk to the hospital. Yuka held Lucy responsible for Angel's crimes, but she also held Kouta responsible for Lucy's presence in their lives. Half the time she had spoken to him, through sobs and angry tears, she would not even look at him. It had been an endless stream of hurtful words, and professions of disgust. Kouta, who had still been in a state of shock and painful anxiety, merely accepted those words in silence. There was no defense, and no excuse to her anguished fury. What could he say? Lucy was guilty of those crimes, and Kouta had taken her in regardless. Not only that, but had fallen in love with her, though it was more accurate to say he had remembered his love for her. It hadn't died during those eight years. It had only gone to sleep. Yuka would never understand why Kouta loved Lucy, and stood by her, despite everything.
Unfortunately, Yuka did not want to understand. She wanted Lucy to die. That had been the only thing Kouta would not let her say. Kouta had listened to Yuka wish death upon Lucy countless times during their walk, and after a while, he had finally had enough.
"Stop it Yuka!"
"I won't! both of them deserve to die! ESPECIALLY LUCY! SHE KILLED…"
Kouta had snapped, turning to Yuka and slapping her hard across the cheek.
"I SAID STOP IT!" he'd screamed over the sound of the pouring rain.
Yuka had fallen silent, comforting her cheek with one hand, and staring off to the side with eyes wide from shock. Kouta had stood there, taking ragged breaths as he stared at Yuka. His whole body trembled, though it was not from the cold. He knew he was crying, but he fought to keep the sobs from coming. Slowly, it occurred to him what he had done. The way he had hit Yuka was not with a simple, jarring slap. He had thrown weight behind it, causing his balance to falter from the force of the swing. He felt sick with shame when he saw Yuka's hand trembling on her face. He had hurt her.
"Oh my God," Kouta said, covering his mouth with his hands, "Yuka…I didn't mean it…oh God, I'm so…I'm so sorry…"
Yuka had remained silent, letting her hand fall slowly to her side as she lifted her face to the freezing rain. Kouta felt like there had to be something more to say, but words seemed inadequate. He couldn't believe he had hit her like that. What had gotten into him? Where had that come from?
"Yuka…"
He saw her shoulders heave as her eyes closed, sobbing silently.
"You want to know something funny Kouta…" she said, in a whispered cry "I'm not sorry you hit me like that. In fact…I…"
She sniffed loudly, turning to face him as she opened her eyes, "I'm actually glad you did…"
"What? Yuka, what are you saying?"
"I've been waiting ten years for the moment you would show me some kind of passionate outburst. Some strong emotional response that was there because of me. Something that would make you act impulsively…"
"Yuka, I didn't…"
"Couldn't make you love me," she said, drawing a shuddering breath, "couldn't make you want me. Could hardly even make you react to me at all."
Yuka had reached up to her cheek, "except for right now. This was the most passion, the most honesty, you have ever shown me…and God help me…I almost want more. It's better than nothing."
Kouta didn't know what to say to that. His only explanation for it was that Yuka had to be in shock or something. Yuka's silent sobbing seemed to level out, and she stared at him with a numb gaze.
"I'm so cold…" she said in a faraway voice.
"Come on," Kouta said, walking towards Yuka to put an arm around her, hoping to offer some measure of warmth, "let's…"
When he got close to her, she snatched his shirt in one hand, and roughly pushed him away.
"Don't," she said, "I want to be cold."
"Alright Yuka, I won't touch you, but we have to hurry and get out of this rain. We're both going to get sick out here."
Yuka was silent for a few more moments, wrapping her arms around herself.
"Goddamn you Kouta," she said quietly, "goddamn you for loving her…"
"Yuka, I…I don't know what I can say to make you understand…"
"I should hate you. That's the worst part. I should hate you like I hate her. But I…still…I still…oh God…"
Yuka had burst into loud sobs in that moment, covering her face with her hands. This time, Kouta did walk towards her as she sank to her knees. Kouta knelt down, holding her close as she threw her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.
"You son of a bitch…" she cried out between sobs that shook her body, and her voice, "you goddamn…miserable son of a bitch…"
"I'm sorry Yuka…for keeping this from you. I…I had to…"
"I don't want to love you! Goddamn it I don't want to love you but…I…" she went silent as another wave of sobs rendered her temporarily speechless, "I do…I still love you…and you still love her…"
"Yuka…"
"Never forgive you…either of you…I'll never forgive you…"
Kouta began to pull away, sadness poisoning his heart.
"Don't you dare let me go you bastard…"
Yuka clutched him more tightly, and Kouta let her. He thought to point out again the fact that it was freezing outside, and they both were drenched in rainwater. It would be a miracle if either of them managed not to catch a cold. Kouta swallowed those reminders. A cold seemed like such a small thing at the moment. Holding Yuka as she cried the last of her tears, Kouta realized that he didn't need to explain to Yuka why he felt the way he did for Lucy.
He knew that Yuka was going through the exact same thing that he himself had gone through that night on the stone steps with Lucy.
"Don't go!"
"But…Kouta…I killed your family!"
"I can't explain it…there's no way…I can forgive what you did to Kanae and my dad. I'll never get them back…"
But he had forgiven her. Lucy could never take it back. For the rest of her life, she would live with what she had done. Even though he had long ago made peace with the circumstances of their deaths, he could still see the shadow of ceaseless guilt lingering behind her eyes. It sometimes gave her smiles a somber note, and stole the breath from her laughter. Kouta did not blame Lucy for killing them, for that had not truly been Lucy as far as he was concerned. She had been a child with power she was too young to understand, and her life had been a never ending story of cruelty, sadness, and betrayal. She had found a better way to live after meeting him. The girl he had known, and the woman he knew now, was the person she truly was inside.
The killer, had been the only person the world had allowed her to be. Though his father, and sister, had been the victims of that killer, Kouta just did not associate that creature with Lucy anymore. They were two separate entities, and the one that had ended the lives of his family, was gone forever. Lucy was the one who remained; the lonely girl from his childhood who had only wanted to be treated with kindness. She was the one who was left behind to suffer the pain and consequences of that terrible night, and if the world had its way, she would go on suffering until the bitter end.
But he loved her with all of his being, and would never let that be her fate. There was not a soul alive in all the world that resonated with him the way she did. Every moment they spent together was like living in a beautiful dream from which they feared to wake.
This was what it was like, waking from that dream. Sitting alone in a hospital room with a loved one who was plugged into an electrocardiogram. Sitting alone because Nana had willingly given herself over to the Institute, and because Yuka could no longer bear being in the same room with him.
And because Lucy was nowhere to be found. She probably wasn't coming back, and the thought of that was tearing him apart. The heartache eclipsed his concern for Mayu, and even Nana, not to mention Daisuke. It seemed like those things should matter to him more than his own broken heart, and Kouta felt ashamed of himself for being unable to feel more strongly about what the others had gone through. Maybe Yuka was right to despise him. Maybe he really was just a terrible, selfish person.
He sighed as he watched Mayu sleep. He knew that wherever Lucy was right now, she was blaming herself for all of this. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault. If it had not been for Lucy, perhaps all of them would be dead right now. Yuka, however, wouldn't see it that way. She would say that if it had not been for Lucy, none of them would be in this situation to begin with. The unfairness of it frustrated Kouta even more since he couldn't exactly deny that it was true. It angered Kouta because that claim made it seem as if all Lucy had ever brought into their lives, was pain. That just wasn't true at all. However, Yuka certainly had the right to be unfair in this instance. His father and Kanae had been her family too.
The dream was over, Kouta knew that beyond any doubt. Even if Yuka did not tell Mayu and Nana what Lucy had done, things would still never be the same. They could try living together again, but Lucy's past would be a shadow that haunted the halls, kept alive by Yuka's hatred. He closed his eyes, knowing that if he found Lucy, or she returned to him, that he would have to make a choice. Deep down, he always knew it would come to this one day. Just as he had always known what he would choose.
He loved his family, but Lucy was his life, his breath, his reason to live. He would not let her go on alone, and in misery. He would not let her die as she'd lived.
"Kouta?" came a weak voice from the bed, shocking him out of his trance.
"Mayu, you're awake!" Kouta smiled wearily as he stood up from the chair to get closer to Mayu's bed. He reached out and took Mayu's hand. She had turned her head to regard him, shifting around in her bed, clearly uncomfortable from the position she had been sleeping in for quite some time.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, squeezing her hand. She smiled back at him, returning the squeeze.
"Sore," she said groggily, "it hurts where…she shot me…"
Mayu's smile faded as she turned her head to stare at the ceiling.
"I can't believe I was shot…never thought something could hurt so much. I thought I was going to die," she whispered.
"I thought you were gone. I…" he didn't really know what else to say to express the pain that had spiked through his soul when he saw her lying in a pool of her own blood.
"Strange," she said, "it happened so fast, I didn't even have time to be afraid to die. I didn't even think of it in those few seconds before I passed out."
Kouta kept silent while Mayu spoke.
"All I could think was…I wanted to see him again. I was so angry in those few seconds because it seemed so unfair. I wanted to see Bando again, and I was just going to die right there and then without being able to. I was so angry…"
She fell silent, closing her eyes. After a few moments, she opened them again, quickly.
"The others, Kouta are they okay? Where's Nana? Yuka…did…"
"Mayu, try to relax," Kouta said, cutting her off, "the others are…fine for now."
Mayu looked at him strangely, "for now? What do you mean?"
He sighed, "Daisuke was hurt really bad. After Angel shot you, and knocked Nana unconscious, Angel just started shooting Daisuke until she ran out of bullets…"
"Oh my God…"
"…but he hadn't been hit anywhere vital. He was bleeding out though, and would have died of his wounds if Nana had not brought you both in when she did. Unfortunately the hospital Nana chose, the one we're in now, was being converted into some base of operations by the Institute. Almost as soon as Nana had walked in the door, from what I was told, they had recognized, and surrounded her."
"No…" Mayu whispered, "what happened to her?"
"She's still here," Kouta said quickly, "but under heavy guard and I can't get in to see her. She told the Institute people that she would give herself up without a fight under two conditions. One was that they save both your lives, and the second was that she be allowed to stay with Daisuke while he was undergoing treatment. I've been asking about his condition from time to time. They seemed hesitant to give me information on one of their soldiers, but they eventually told us that he just got out of surgery about an hour ago, and they think he's going to be fine. They won't answer any of my questions about Nana though, and I get the feeling that Yuka and I won't be allowed to leave this building. They know we're connected with Nana, so I guess that puts us on their watch list."
"Kouta, what happened to you and Yuka? How did we all survive? Why didn't Angel kill us all?"
Kouta looked away from her, not really knowing how best to tell her of Lucy's intervention.
"Kouta?"
"It was Lucy," he said finally, "she came back and stopped Angel. She saved our lives."
Mayu smiled warmly, "I'm so glad. Just wish, I'd have been awake to see her. Was she okay? Is she back at home now? She would be there right? The quarantine would have begun by now, so she'd probably be safer hiding out rather than walking the streets where someone might recognize her."
"Mayu…" he released her hand and closed his eyes, "Lucy's gone."
"What?" she whispered, "what do you mean 'gone'?"
"She…Lucy…" he took a deep breath, "Lucy made Yuka and I leave so we wouldn't get in her way. She fought Angel, I know that much, but I don't know how it ended. I don't know if she's still alive…"
"Oh Kouta…" Mayu sat up as best she could and took Kouta's hand in both of hers, "I'm so sorry…you must feel so awful…"
Would Mayu despise him the way Yuka did, if she knew the truth? That Lucy had killed Kouta's family, and he was in love with her despite that? Would she just be disgusted? He couldn't see how she would ever understand. He could hardly blame her if she couldn't. Kouta knew just how impossible the situation was between him and Lucy.
"Maple Inn," he said, continuing, "is also gone. It burned down last night. Yuka and I saw the fire from the street as we were running away."
Sadness crept onto Mayu's face as her eyes became downcast, "Maple Inn is gone? Our home…is gone?"
Kouta saw tears brimming in her eyes, "I can't believe it…any of it…"
"Mayu…"
"Lucy's gone, they're probably going to take Nana away forever, Bando's gone and I don't know if he's even still alive, and our home is gone."
Tears spilled down her face, "why did I bother waking up?"
Kouta sat down next to Mayu, and drew her into his arms carefully so he didn't accidentally yank the IV. She sank into his arms and cried silently. He felt numb, and guilt ridden. Would Mayu eventually think as Yuka did? That this was happening to them all because they had let Lucy into their lives? He wondered what Nana would think. Lucy had told him about her fight with Nana, and what she had done at its end. Nana had found it in her to forgive Lucy for it, so would she understand why Kouta was able to forgive her as well? In the end, it wouldn't matter if either of them understood. There would always be a dividing line now, separating Kouta and Lucy, from the rest of their family.
As Mayu's sobs began to abate, Kouta resigned himself to his fate. However, simply because he was resigned to it, did not mean he couldn't be there for them until the last moment. Right now, Mayu needed him, and he knew Yuka did too, deep down. Whether or not that would remain true was beside the point at the moment. This was what he could do for them right now, and was what he had always done. He had been their source of comfort and safety. Everyone else was fighting so hard. He could too, in his own way.
"You were so brave back there Mayu," he said to her, "I never knew how strong you could be."
"Didn't make a difference," she whispered, "I couldn't stop her. Couldn't even slow her down."
"You knew that you couldn't, didn't you?"
He saw her fists clench, "yes…I knew…"
"But you still stood up to her. You did that before any of us did. Perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference that night, but courage like that does make a difference. It's the difference between action, and inaction. Between watching someone die, and saving a life. You took a chance last night, but that's what courage is. Taking a chance when the odds are against you. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose."
Kouta reached for Mayu's chin and tiled her face so she was looking at him, "you told me and Yuka about how you saved Nana back at the facility. It made a difference then. And what about Bando? The man who was looking out for you? You saved his life too. Where would we be right now if you hadn't had that courage? Didn't make a difference? You're so wrong about that Mayu."
Mayu began to smile at him as fresh tears welled up in her eyes, "I just didn't want them to die, what else could I do? I love you all. I…"
She wiped at her eyes and sniffled, "thank you Kouta. You're right."
Kouta reached out and pulled Mayu back into his arms, "I know you don't think so right now, but everything is going to be alright Mayu."
"I want to believe you…"
"Then believe me. If I'm wrong, you can always call me a liar. Until then, trust me. We're going to get through this. I know Lucy's still out there somewhere, and Bando probably is too. They'll come back, and we'll get through this together."
Mayu held him more tightly, "alright Kouta. I'll believe you. Lucy's a powerful Diclonius, and Bando's the strongest man I've ever known. He never lets anything stop him. If he would have been there last night, I'm sure he would have found a way to kill that terrible woman."
She said the words as though she genuinely believed them, which she probably did.
"I'd really like to meet Bando someday," Kouta said, "it sounds like he means a lot to you."
"Of course he does, I'm in love with him."
In love? But…
"Mayu…how old is…"
"Kouta," she said in a weary voice, "please don't. I already know it makes others uncomfortable that he's much older than I am. I don't expect anyone else to understand, but please just trust me on this. I know what I'm doing and I know what I feel. So does he. Okay?"
He could hardly argue with her, considering others would condemn his relationship with Lucy on many grounds, if they knew everything she had done. He wasn't sure it was the same however; Mayu was still quite young. Just the same, Mayu had always carried herself in a manner reserved for someone much older than herself. Over the past few months, that manner had developed to a degree which gave Kouta a disarming impression of an adult who lived in a teenager's body. He still found it difficult to believe that Mayu had actually killed a man, though he knew she would not lie about something like that. It wasn't the kind of thing one talked about flippantly, and Mayu was anything but flippant.
"Alright, fair enough," he conceded, "then could you do something for me?"
"What is it?" she asked warily.
"Tell me about him," he said with a smile, "it's clear that you've known him for quite some time, and I understand why you kept that from us. I'd like to know a little more about him if I'm going to be meeting him soon."
She smiled, looking relieved that Kouta was not going to make her explain herself further. Kouta felt satisfied for the moment. At least for right now, he had helped Mayu to chase her heartache away, and that was enough for him. His own, was another matter. While he smiled on the outside, he still suffered deep within. There was no one who could take the pain away but Lucy, and she might never return to him. There was no one who could offer him sweet, hopeful lies of her survival, or impending return. All he had, was the cold, merciless light of truth.
He wanted to believe his own lie, that everything would be alright. Without her, nothing would ever be alright.
Please come back to me Lucy. I know you're out there hurting, so am I. I can't do this without you, I can't go on without knowing you'll be right next to me. I…
…I need you Lucy. Please hear me, wherever you are. I need you. I need you to come back. You're the only thing that matters to me. I can lose everything else, but I can't lose you...
Please…don't leave me…
"Please don't leave me…" Nana had whispered often during Daisuke's operation. She now lay on the couch that had been set up against the wall in Daisuke's recovery room.
The operation had been ghastly, and as it had gone on, Nana almost regretted begging them to let her stay and watch in the adjacent room. Daiskue's wounds had been beyond terrible, and had only gotten worse as she had carried him, and Mayu, to the hospital. She had cried the entire way as his body trembled violently from pain and cold as rain slammed cruelly into his open wounds. Occasionally, the anguish would turn into seething hatred for Angel, who had done this to him. Her mind had been filled with dark thoughts of savage vengeance for all the pain she had brought them. She hoped Lucy had made that vile creature beg for her sorry life.
She knew it couldn't have been the case. If Lucy had won, why wasn't she here? Nana hoped that Lucy was not dead, if for no other reason than she was the strongest of them all. She had the best chance of killing Angel. As the thought entered her mind, she instantly felt ashamed that that was all she could think about concerning Lucy's survival. Nana knew that Kouta would be devastated if Lucy died. Only now, did Nana understand the toll that would take on him. She understood it every time she saw Daisuke flatline, and swore that it would be the one he'd never wake up from. The soldiers who had been guarding her during the operation, were uncharacteristically sympathetic as she'd cried for Daisuke. The first time he had flatlined, she had been sitting in a chair, watching through the glass. When the awful, persistent beep came forth from the EKG, she had surged out of her chair, forgetting about the nullifier she wore, and that it prevented her from manipulating her limbs.
She'd fallen heavily to the floor, but was too anguished to feel embarrassed. She merely kept trying to stand, knowing she would be unable, and cried out his name through panicked sobs.
"Hey…hey!" one of the soldiers had said, kneeling down next to her and gathering her up, "you've got to get a grip, you're going to hurt yourself…"
"Daisuke! You can't! You can't die!"
"LISTEN!" the man shouted, causing Nana to fall silent. After a few moments of it, Nana realized what it was she was supposed to be listening to. The steady, rhythmic sound of the EKG recording Daisuke's heartbeat. He was still alive!
The man gently lifted her off the floor, and placed her back into her chair.
"He's gonna make it," the man said.
Nana had been caught between being grateful for the kindness, and confused as to why they would bother with it. These men were her enemies, her jailors. As she looked at the nameless soldier, another of her guards walked up next to them both, looking out to the operation through the observation glass.
"Jesus…" he whispered, "Daisuke didn't fuckin deserve that. I don't care what the brass says. It's not like he killed anyone on the way out of the unit."
"Yeah," said the man who had picked her up, "and she didn't either, when she could have done it, easy."
The other man turned to regard her, "no, she didn't. Only guy that got done out there, was on Bando."
Nana watched them silently, torn between her anxiety for Daisuke, and her curiosity regarding the kindness of her guards. The man who had approached them, spoke to her.
"You're Nana, right? That's the name they threw around back at the Institute?"
Nana nodded her head woodenly, and the man spoke again.
"Daisuke may have abandoned the unit, but he was still one of our guys, one of our brothers. Not easy to see him like this."
Nana remained silent.
"You knew what could happen to you if you brought him here, but you did it anyway. Assuming he makes it through the operation, you'll have saved his life. Even if he doesn't, you still tried."
The thought of Daisuke dying was almost too much to bear. She felt like she was going to start crying again. The soldier's eyes began to dart around, as though he were uncomfortable about something.
"Hard to believe a Diclonius like yourself could care so much about an Institute soldier. You've got every reason to hate us, or want us dead. But when you came through that door…"
The man looked around at the other two men who were in the room with her.
"I think most of us got it. Why Daisuke took the risk he took in defecting over you. Everyone was so twisted up with vengeance against that other one, Number 5, that nobody wanted to admit he might have had a good reason for doing what he did. I didn't want to either."
"We're just like you," Nana said, "some of us are good, and some of us aren't. I'm one of the good ones. I don't know what else I have to do to make people see that."
"Girl, you got a long way to go if you're wanting the world to see what you want them to. But…if it means anything…you should know that the guys here, most of them…"
He cleared his throat, "we're grateful for what you did. You risked your ass to save Daisuke, one of us. I'm thinking maybe he was right to take a chance on you."
At any other time, Nana knew she would feel immense joy at disproving the negative connotations surrounding what she was. Before she ever had a chance to feel the ghost of that joy however, Daisuke had flatlined again, causing Nana to panic once more. She began to surge out of her chair again, but a restraining arm around her chest prevented her from throwing herself onto the floor.
"He'll pull through! It's going to be alright…"
"Noooo! Please don't die!"
"Nana, listen to me! You've got to calm down. You're just going to distract the doctors in there. You don't want that do you?"
Nana turned a desperate gaze upon the man who was holding her still, "no…"
"Technically, you shouldn't even be here. Not because you're a Diclonius, but because doctors can't be bothered with terrified friends and family who have patients in the OR. It prevents them from doing their jobs. You're here because you made a deal. If you're going to stay here, you've got to try and keep yourself together. That's what you can do for him right now. Can you do that?"
She had ruthlessly reined in her panic, and while she was still shaking, she remained still upon the chair.
"Y…yes…I…I'll do it…"
The EKG began to beep again, mercifully. Nana wished she could move her arms to bury her face in her hands as she wept. For once, however, she was glad to be wearing the vector nullifier. Her thrashing would have been so much worse if her vectors had been involved.
Daisuke was resting now, plugged into various machines. He had not required a respirator, due to something they had integrated into his body during surgery. Nana had noticed much of that kind of thing during the operation. It was as though they were reconstructing his insides with bionics of some kind. Even from where Nana was currently lying, she could see evidence of the new machines in his body, just under his skin. She wondered just what they were all for.
Nana still wore the nullifier, but once again, she didn't particularly mind. She was tired from having remained awake through the night, and was probably going to just fall asleep on the couch. Besides, she would have been tempted to disturb his rest with some gesture of physical affection. As much as she longed to feel him next to her, or to kiss him, she did not want that at the cost of his recovery. It was enough for her that Daisuke was alive, and that she was near him.
She wondered what had become of Mayu, and if she was alright. No one had bothered to update her on Mayu's condition, though if she could be honest with herself, she hadn't asked very much. Until recently, she had been preoccupied with watching Daisuke's operation. Now that it seemed he was going to pull through, her worry for Mayu was creeping in and getting worse by the moment. Then there was Kouta and Yuka. Had Angel killed them? Had Lucy gone back there to find their corpses? And what of Lucy? Was she still alive? For all Nana knew, her and Daisuke were all that was left. The thought made her feel sick.
Those thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. As she turned her attention to the sound, the door opened, admitting a man in a lab coat, flanked by two soldiers. The man in the lab coat, who Nana assumed had to be a doctor, walked over to Daisuke, looking him over and looking at the information displayed on the various machines. The soldiers looked over in her direction, one of them actually nodding to her in greeting.
"What's the story doctor?" one of the men asked, "how's he looking?"
"One moment," he replied, examining Daisuke's body more closely, prodding some areas, and holding a small device over him. As he did that, one of the soldiers took a few steps towards Nana, kneeling down so they were at eye level.
"How are you holding up?"
"Better now that Daisuke's out of surgery," Nana replied, "but I'm pretty tired."
"Yeah, I can imagine. You've been up all night."
The doctor turned around to address the soldiers, "it looks good. The bionics appear integrated perfectly to his body. It will take some time for his nervous system to fully integrate with the new prosthetics, and I expect it will be at least another day until the nanomachines are in sync with neurotransmitter production. Until that time, his moods are likely to be somewhat erratic, and he'll likely experience a great deal of confusion. Nothing to worry about however, it's all a normal part of the process. Other than that, he's stabilized."
"Prosthetics?" Nana said aloud, getting his attention, "why…why would he need prosthetics?"
Looking at Daisuke again, she noticed that the flesh of his arms seemed more artificial then they had before. How had she missed that?
"Well," the doctor began, "the gunshot wounds on his arms were some of the worst of his injuries. In many places, the arm was nearly severed. I understand it was rather dark when you brought him here so you may not have noticed right away that his arms were hanging on by threads."
Horror rushed through her. She hadn't realized just how bad his injuries really were. They had seemed horrible enough, but they were actually much worse than that.
"His arms…they were completely destroyed. The worst of the damage was localized just above his elbows. We amputated what was left of them, which wasn't much…"
"Doctor…" one of the soldiers said, stopping him. Nana's breathing had increased, and horror painted her facial expression. She had been watching the operation but hadn't been able to see them actually remove Daisuke's arms, let alone replace them with prosthetics. With a grim humor, she realized that now, they had something else in common.
"We were given the green light to administer some newly developed technology in his prosthetics," the doctor continued, "his new arms are the latest in biotechnology. They're equipped with thousands of sensors that are designed to integrate with his nervous system, and we've injected nanomachines into his system which will assist in the translation of signals from those sensors recorded by the nervous system, to sensory information which will be utilized by his brain."
The doctor took a few steps towards Nana, a measure of pride in his voice, "in other words, he will retain his sense of touch. In a day or two, when the new system completes the process of integration, he won't know he's wearing prosthetics. We should try to avoid disturbing him if we can. He rightly should have been given an additional dose of sedatives to keep him resting, but we weren't sure how his body would react to another dose of it while the nanomachines were being initialized in his body."
Nana looked at Daisuke, hardly believing it. She felt extraordinarily happy for him that while his new arms were prosthetic, he would not ever have to know the anguish of forgetting what it was like to have arms, or to touch something with his hands. Sorrow quickly chased away the joy however, as she still wished she could have been so lucky with her own prosthetics. She couldn't even use them without her vectors. If it were not for those vectors, she would merely be as she was now, a cripple.
"I'm glad," she said, "that he's going to be alright. It's incredible what you've done for him."
The soldiers and the doctor exchanged neutral glances.
"The doctor came in here to look in on Daisuke," one of the soldiers said, "but we're here to relay something. Some orders that got passed down the pipe not long ago."
Nana steeled herself. She knew this was coming. As kind as the soldiers had been to her, they still had a job to do, she was still the enemy, and it was time for her to pay the cost for Mayu and Daisuke's life. She would be going back to that dark, cold, lonely place. She could live with that. As long as her friends had been saved, it would be worth the price.
"Commander appointed a new sergeant, soldier named Takashi. In addition to that, he had a few other things to say. Apparently, Ryota had received a report from Takashi mentioning your presence here. New orders concerning you, are that the hunt is off."
Had she heard him right?
"What?" she asked, blinking in surprise.
"I'm saying, that brass no longer considers you a prisoner. You, Daisuke, or Lucy. Although I don't think too many of us are happy about Lucy's amnesty, you're a different story. You saved Daisuke's life, and that counts for something."
Nana couldn't believe it, and was sure she'd wake up at any moment now. She had been so sure that they were going to bring her back to the facility. Why…
"Why," she asked, "why did they call it off?"
It wasn't that she was not grateful, but she had to know why. It seemed too good to be true. Like there was a catch somewhere.
"The orders were handed down from Director Vanith," he stood up and looked around the room, "and I'll just tell you all in this room, I think there's some serious shit going down."
"What do you mean?" the other soldier asked.
"Ghost just vanished off the radar, but word is that he's actually still at HQ. We suddenly have a new sergeant and then we all got orders to have our radio frequencies changed to a secure line. I haven't been able to raise any squads out in the city."
"Aren't most of those the American troops?"
"Exactly," he said, "I think something's going down, like we're in the middle of an in house thing here."
"No shit…"
"I'm telling you, I've got a bad feeling about all of this. Like we're going to get orders soon to start shooting Westmore's guys."
"Fuck…so what does that mean? We're divided now? What the hell is going on out there?"
So many things seemed like they were out of control. So many people suffering, so many people afraid. Somehow, Nana just knew the real reason why, deep down in her heart, she knew.
"It's her…" she whispered ominously.
The three men looked over towards Nana curiously, "what's that?"
"I just know it," she said, "I don't know why, or how, but somehow I just know she's at the center of it."
"Who is?"
"Angel," Nana said, speaking the name in a contemptuous hiss, "this is all about her. They're afraid of her, and they don't understand her. She's out there, and no one knows what to do. Everybody's afraid because she's out there waiting."
"You're talking about Number 5, aren't you?"
She nodded, "she's the one who hurt Daisuke," she said, hatred twisting her voice into a snarl, "she hurt my friends, my family. She's sick, evil. This has to be about her. If she were dead…maybe this would all stop."
She knew it wasn't as simple as that, but Nana wanted her to die. She had never felt such enduring, piercing hatred for anyone or anything in her whole life. As that thought had crossed her mind, she realized that she knew what the catch was for not being a prisoner of the Institute anymore.
"They want us to stop her," Nana said absently, "that's it, I'm sure of it. They can't do it themselves, so they want Lucy and I to do it. That's why they took back the order to capture us."
Nana couldn't help but feel disgusted at the revelation. Papa had sent her to do that very thing when Lucy had escaped. For perhaps the first time ever, Nana felt true, and deep anger towards Kurama at how she had been blatantly used by him. It had never mattered to her before, but things were different now. She, was different now.
It appeared, however, that some things were still the same. The Institute was still resorting to pitting the Diclonius against one another. It didn't matter though. Angel had to pay for what she had done. The Institute wouldn't need to ask that of her, and she wasn't going to be doing it for them.
But how was she supposed to fight a creature like Angel? She had been so strong and fast. How could she stop a monster like that? Maybe Lucy could do it. Lucy was stronger than Nana was, and had much more fighting experience. If anyone could face Angel, Lucy could. That was, of course, if she were still alive.
"I hate to say it," one of the soldiers said, "but I think you might be right about that. That monster has killed everyone else who tried, and brass is getting desperate."
He pointed up to the ceiling, "desperate enough to use Red Sky…I don't know if you understand what…"
"I know what Red Sky is," Nana said, "I also know it's not going to work. That's why they need us."
Nana closed her eyes, feeling a sense of doom all around her. She wondered if any of them would survive what was sure to come. A city full of frightened, desperate people, an unstoppable killer in their midst, and if what the soldier had been talking about earlier was true, a war was on the horizon between the remaining soldiers of the Institute. She despaired, knowing that more pain waited for her in the coming days. She opened her eyes, and looked over towards Daisuke. It seemed so unfair. She had only just experienced what it was like to have feelings for another man, and to have those feelings returned. A few, short, sweet moments were all she'd had. Then the pain came rushing back into her life like an old friend, or a familiar enemy.
She'd get those moments back. She had to believe that.
Her thoughts were interrupted as she swore she'd seen Daisuke stir, as though he were in pain. The other men in the room seemed not to notice, and were preparing to leave as they talked amongst themselves. The soldier who had spoken to Nana before, broke away from the group and turned to Nana.
"We have to go now, still some things…"
"Wait…I," she cleared her throat, "could I ask a favor of you? Well, two of them really, and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm asking too much, but…"
She wanted to go to Daisuke. He was going to wake soon, she just knew it. And even if he didn't, she still wanted to get closer to him. She wanted to see what had been done to him.
"I want this off," she said, indicating the vector nullifier, "I want to stand up, and I can't do it without…my…"
The men looked at one another for a moment, asking silent questions, before returning their gazes to Nana.
"I'm not sure if…"
"Trust me," Nana said, "Daisuke trusted me. He knew he could, and so can you."
After a few moments of uncertainty, the soldier who had been speaking, slowly walked towards her.
"I just know I'm going to regret this. Ryota's going to have my balls…but," he reached behind Nana's head, "I'll take that chance. You took a bigger one coming here, and I think you're right about what brass expects. I think they're hoping you'll help us take that fucking monster down. I can't imagine they'd want you running around shackled if you're supposed to be saving our asses."
With a click, and the sound of a small electrical device powering down, the signal that distracted her from calling the vectors, went away. Her mind felt like it was breathing a sigh of relief as she took control of her prosthetic limbs, rising to her feet. For a small moment, she swore she felt the presence of another mind out there, searching. Almost as soon as she'd felt it, it vanished, making her think it was simply her imagination.
"Thank you," Nana said, "I hope this doesn't cause you much trouble."
"Eh, if it does, it can go on the massive shitpile of it that already exists."
"Just one more favor then?"
"As long as it doesn't involve leaving the hospital. I have to insist you stay in this building, at least until either Ryota, or Takashi return. Or Vanith I suppose…"
"I'm not going anywhere," she said, turning towards Daisuke for a moment, before turning back to the soldier, "I…came in here with another girl. She was shot too, and I really want to know if she's ok."
"I know who you're talking about. I can find that out for you, and give you the room number as well, once I find out where she's recovering."
"Thank you so much um…" how rude of her, she hadn't asked his name.
"Tenchi," he said, "name's Tenchi."
He gave her a casual smile, before leaving the room. The doctor was the last one out, shutting the door gently behind him. When they had all left the room, Nana turned back towards Daisuke's bed, and stood by him. She let her eyes travel over his body, seeing the ghost of circuitry just under the skin of his arms. The scars on his chest were in precise lines and patterns from where bullets had been removed, and other devices implanted. His breathing was steady, and even, and it seemed astonishing to Nana that he had not required a breathing machine after he was released from surgery. It also astonished her that such wonderful, and amazing things came from a place which also harbored evil, and horror.
She reached out with one of her arms, trailing a finger down the length of Daisuke's new prosthetic arm. If he had been awake right now, he wouldn't feel the touch anymore than she did. She wondered how he would feel about that. Nana hadn't felt much about it in the beginning, expecting to be killed anyway. After she had woken up on the beach, she just remembered feeling frightened and helpless, not knowing how to control her limbs right away. She had literally relearned how to walk. She was glad that Daisuke would be spared that horror. By the time he awoke, his new limbs would be fully functional. He would feel the sensation of touch again, but she never would.
Never? She wondered if they could do for her, what they had done for Daisuke. It had looked like a dangerous operation, and what she had seen of it, frightened her. She had understood that Daisuke was undergoing an operation which was still very much in an experimental phase and that surgery could have gone either way. While it angered her that they had been so quick to play with Daisuke's life that way, in the name of research, she was still glad it had worked. So could it work for her? Could she take that risk as well?
Her hand rested upon Daisuke's arm, but she couldn't quite remember what it would have felt like to feel the sensation of touch through a hand. Was it all signals and nerves? What if she had forgotten what it was like to experience touch through a pair of hands? Was the memory important so that the connections could be made in her mind? Her Diclonius brain was different from a human's. Would that make a difference as well?
She wasn't sure that risking her life for the chance to have arms and legs that could experience touch, was worth it, but it was hard to weigh that risk objectively in her mind, with hope dangling right in front of her. Despite the risks, the possibility still existed, and Nana was sorely tempted to find out if she could be allowed to receive a similar operation. Though she had largely gotten used to her prosthetics, she still occasionally felt like a crippled marionette dangling on the strings of her vectors. When they put the vector nullifier on her, she was almost nothing more than a puppet with the strings cut. She always hated how helpless that made her feel. She wanted to be whole again. Maybe, that was actually possible.
Daisuke stirred again, appearing to be in some measure of pain or discomfort. She hoped he wasn't waking up somehow. So soon after surgery, she was sure that his agony would be intolerable. It worried her that he seemed to be in pain, even though he was being administered a painkiller to keep him from waking due to the pain. What could be wrong with him?
"Daisuke," she whispered, "everything's going to be ok. I'm right here with you."
He seemed to relax as she spoke. Could he hear her somehow? Maybe he was lost in some terrible dream, but could still hear her speaking. It seemed silly to think that was true, but she wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe there was something she could do to ease his pain.
"Can you hear me Daisuke?" she whispered again, carefully resting her hand upon his face, wishing she could feel it, and hoping he could, "I'm not leaving you. I'll stay right here and I'll be the first thing you see when you open your eyes. I promise."
She did want to see Mayu, she really did. She wanted to see Kouta, Yuka, and Lucy, but she meant what she said about staying with Daisuke. As she watched him visibly relax, she swore that she was going to keep that promise. It was so strange, how her feelings for this man so easily eclipsed everything else. It almost seemed…wrong. She couldn't help herself though; Nana was drawn to him by so powerful a force it was impossible to fight it, and she didn't want to.
What she wanted, was for him to wake up.
"I know you can hear me," she whispered, closing her eyes, "so I'm not leaving you alone here."
No matter what happens, I won't leave you…
You wouldn't leave me…
"You wouldn't leave me…would you?" Yuka wondered aloud. The sound of her voice was carried away on the cold wind.
She sat upon the hospital's steps outside, staring blankly in front of her as people came and went. She vaguely registered the single soldier who was standing just in her view, likely to prevent her from leaving. She had figured out rather quickly once her and Kouta had arrived that they would not be allowed to leave. It was all the same to her; this was where she wanted to be right now anyway.
However, she had needed some time away from Kouta. She still wasn't sure how she felt about him now, except that she didn't want him to leave. It didn't quite make sense to her. She was furious with him beyond the power of words to describe, and even felt disgusted, but despite that, she just couldn't let him go. It was frustrating trying to figure out why she still felt that way. She thought she hated Kouta more for that, than for the secret he had kept from her for so long.
So she had come outside to think. The cold air stung and the moisture in the air was severely uncomfortable for it, but it was better than the suffocating feeling from being inside with all of those soldiers milling about. She was angry with them too, mostly for not allowing them to see Nana and that poor man Daisuke. Before Angel had come to destroy their lives, it had been heartwarming to watch Nana interact with him throughout the course of that day. If he died here, Nana would be devastated, and she didn't deserve that after all she had been through. None of them deserved what happened to them.
Hatred for Angel was mixed with guilt for having allowed her to talk Yuka into her foolish attempt at coming on to Kouta. Yuka had been an accomplice to Angel as she'd played her cruel game on them all. Her guilt was made all the more complicated because through Angel, Yuka had finally gotten the truth Kouta and Lucy had been keeping from her. Angel had been the one to revel the true identity of her uncle, and other cousin's murderer. If Angel had managed to kill Lucy last night, that would also mean their deaths were avenged. A part of her, deep down, was thankful for that, and would be thankful if she had torn Lucy to shreds. Not thankful enough to silence the hatred, but just the same, Yuka would not have had the truth, or Lucy's death, without Angel. Yuka wanted to believe that Lucy was dead, but somehow she just knew that Lucy had to have survived. Yuka understood just how powerful Lucy was. She would not be so easily killed in a fight.
She buried her head in her hands. How could Kouta have protected her? How could he have fallen in love with her? It made absolutely no sense, why didn't Kouta hate Lucy as much as she did? All this time, he had known. How could he have loved that woman who had shattered his mind and torn apart his life? Yuka wondered what was so wrong with her that Kouta chose Lucy instead. Now she couldn't help but wonder that if Lucy were still out there, would Kouta walk away from his family, to be with Lucy? How deeply did his feelings for Lucy really go? She thought she had known Kouta. She hated not knowing what he would choose, yet at the same time, being almost sure of it.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching from somewhere behind her, then stopping. Silence followed, and Yuka didn't have to turn around to know who was standing there. She let the silence stretch while she searched for something to say, some way to connect with this alien presence whom she never really knew. At least not the way she had always imagined she did. After a time, she finally spoke.
"Make me understand," she said in a voice devoid of emotion. She had bled it all out the night before, and throughout the course of the afternoon.
"I don't think I can," came Kouta's voice from behind her, "I don't know how to explain it…"
"How dare you," she said quietly, and vehemently, "how dare you let her into our home. How dare you let us care about her, take care of her, protect her. How dare you give comfort and shelter to your family's murderer."
How dare you love her, and not me…
"Tell me this," Yuka said, the ghost of anger returning to her voice, "how can you sit in that room? How can you sit there with Mayu and pretend her life matters to you when you let her live with that monster?"
"Yuka…"
"How can you stand there right now and talk to me? It's not like my life matters to you anymore than Mayu's life, or Nana's."
"Of course your lives matter to me, how can you say that?"
"How?" Yuka said, turning around to stare at Kouta who stood at the top step, one hand on the railing, a look of resignation in his eyes, "you knew what Lucy had done, and you knew what she was capable of. You kept that from all of us, and risked all our lives on the chance that Lucy wouldn't do to us what she did to uncle and Kanae. You made that decision for us, thinking only of yourself."
Yuka slowly stood up and glared at Kouta, despising him for his lie…
…but even more for loving Lucy instead of her.
"You're wrong Yuka," Kouta said in a quiet voice, "I was thinking about Lucy as well."
She wanted to slap him, "so you admit you weren't thinking about us then? You're such a bastard Kouta…"
"I'm always thinking about you all," he said, "I think all the time about what I can do to protect and care for you. I'm always thinking about what I would do if our pasts came back to haunt us. I think about what I'd do if Mayu's stepfather suddenly decided to come looking for Mayu again. I thought a lot about what I could do if the Institute came looking for Nana again. And I thought about you too Yuka. You can't imagine how many nights I had lain awake wondering what would happen if you ever knew the truth about Lucy. Even before Lucy came back, I struggled with telling you that I had once been friends with her. Above all, I thought about where they had come from, and where I had come from. We had all been given a second chance at our lives: me, Mayu, Nana, and now Lucy. It made all the difference, for all of us."
Kouta's eyes lowered to the ground, "doesn't seem right does it? That it's lies that gave us all those second chances? Lies to other people, to each other, to ourselves. Seems like all the truth has done so far, is tear us apart."
He sighed, "do you ever wonder why no one prays for the devil? Even though he's the one sinner who needed it most? What do you think he'd do with a second chance?" (***)
"Kouta, that's a stretch and you know it."
"Maybe…"
Kouta stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned against the railing, looking up to the ominous red and gray sky.
"I knew a different side of Lucy back then. That person could never be so cruel as to so carelessly take life…"
"But she did Kouta. She killed people close to us…"
"Because she was taught to resolve her anguish and pain that way. When we're children, we do as we're told and we do as we're taught. We don't think about consequence because we aren't developed enough to understand the ramifications of our actions. What we knew as children, was the here, and now."
"So you think that gives Lucy the right to just kill people? Because she didn't understand what she was doing?" something else occurred to her, "those people at the carnival that died. That was her too…wasn't it?"
Yuka raised a hand to her hair, gripping a fistful of it, "that monstrous bitch…"
She saw Kouta's eyes tighten as she'd said the word, but he did not chastise her for saying it. She almost wanted to dare him to do it.
"No," he said, "it doesn't give her the right to do that. She bears the responsibility for what she's done, and I can tell you that she isn't hiding from that responsibility…"
"…then she should take her own life…" Yuka spat.
"And what does that solve Yuka?" Kouta said angrily, "what good does that do? Let's say you have it your way, and Lucy dies. What then? It won't bring father and Kanae back. It won't right those wrongs. It'll be just one more corpse in the world that will never have a chance to earn atonement, and never bring anything of worth to anyone. Lucy is NOT an unrepentant monster goddamn it!"
Kouta ran his hands through his hair, taking a moment to visibly calm himself before continuing, "she lives with the guilt everyday Yuka. Every single goddamn day she's living with it. I've lost count of the times she's cried, telling me she wishes she could take it back, but you know what? Lucy still gets up everyday, and faces it. She faces it, and looks after us. She's protected us almost from the beginning, and continues to risk her own life for us…"
"We wouldn't need 'protection' if she had never come into our lives, and if you hadn't let her back into yours."
"Maybe not," he said sadly, "but how could I turn away from her?"
"Because she killed your father, and Kanae!"
"Do you really think I wasn't angry about that? That I didn't feel what you're feeling now? Of COURSE I did!"
Kouta took a few steps towards Yuka, who backed up to maintain the distance. She wasn't sure if she'd physically strike him, or stupidly break down and rush into his arms…the son of a bitch…
Kouta stopped moving towards Yuka once he realized she was trying to keep away from him, "Lucy bears the responsibility for her actions, but not the blame. She didn't know what she was doing, she was only a child who was taught to respond to emotional pain, with violence. Can you imagine what it would be like if you were her? I'd imagine it was probably a lot like sleepwalking, only to wake up with blood on your hands and bodies at your feet. That's what she's been carrying inside knowing that there wouldn't be a goddamn soul on this earth who would understand, or give her comfort."
Kouta pointed at his own chest, "but I can, and I will. I will because I loved the girl behind the killer who stole her life as well as those lives she took. I love her now. She used her second chance to become a wonderful, beautiful, and strong woman who cares deeply for us all, and has fought tooth and nail for us. She's become a person who values human life, and has fought to protect it. I will be there for her the way I was there for Mayu, and Nana, and everyone who came to our doorstep in suffering."
"Like Angel?" Yuka hissed, "that grotesque creature that Lucy brought home? The blood is on both their hands."
"Damn you Yuka, Lucy couldn't have known what she was like. None of us could have. You have no right to lay that at Lucy's feet. The fault is Angel's alone."
"I have every right!" Yuka shouted, causing people nearby to take notice of them. Yuka didn't care, "Mayu was nearly killed! And what about that man who was protecting Nana? Daisuke? For all we know, he's dead! Lucy gambled with our lives the way you gambled with them by bringing Lucy home. Neither of you had a right to do that to us, so don't you dare tell me what I have the right to do now that her gamble caused us so much pain!"
Kouta shook his head, "Yuka, I won't abandon Lucy. She didn't abandon us. Despite everything you're saying right now, the only reason you're alive to say it, is because of Lucy. Never forget that. She's more than earned the right to forgiveness."
"Not from me she hasn't."
Kouta sighed, and looked away from her, "then I guess you've made your decision on this…"
An ember of panic flared up inside of Yuka at his tone of voice when he said the words, "and you've made yours?"
Kouta had turned away from Yuka to walk inside, but he paused when she'd replied to him. He was silent for a few moments before speaking again, without turning around.
"I made that decision a long time ago Yuka. If she's still out there, I'm going to find her, and stand by her. Even if no one else will…I will…"
He turned halfway around to look at her, "She would do it for me."
He turned around and walked back inside the hospital. Yuka could only stare at him, angry tears in her eyes. Why couldn't he see? Why couldn't he understand that Lucy did not deserve forgiveness? Least of all from him? She simply could not accept Kouta's explanation that Lucy hadn't understood the ramifications of her actions, being so young, and growing up in an atmosphere of pain. The circumstances of her childhood may have been something to mourn, but excuses could not bring back the dead. The reality was that Lucy had killed people, and she did not deserve to live on, or receive any measure of happiness when her victims never would. Kouta didn't know what he was saying…
…that was it wasn't it?
For years, Kouta had been mentally traumatized because of the murders he had witnessed. Even when he was still suffering from his amnesia, there were periods where he didn't seem to know himself, the people around him, or even where he was. Kouta had developed a myriad of mental defense mechanisms to protect himself from the truth. Now that amnesia was out of the question, was it possible that he had simply developed another defense mechanism to protect his psyche against the reality of Lucy's crimes? The revelation cast Kouta's actions in a whole new light, and Yuka found herself almost weak with relief. It wasn't over; Kouta was not lost to her. He had to still be suffering from the mental trauma, and with Lucy in such close proximity to him, what else could he do but try to justify her actions?
Yuka clenched her fists. He could still be saved, it wasn't too late. If Lucy was dead, would Kouta wake from his nightmare at long last?
She shivered from the cold as she stared without seeing. Her entire being was swept up in a single hope: Lucy's death could save Kouta and bring him back to her. If Lucy was indeed still alive, and out there somewhere, Yuka had no idea how she could kill Lucy. Obviously a straightforward approach would be out of the question, but there HAD to be another way.
She mentally shook herself; what was she thinking? Kill? Was she seriously thinking about killing someone? Even someone as terrible as Lucy? No…she couldn't. She just couldn't go through with something like that. She couldn't imagine bringing herself to take a life, she wasn't like Lucy. But what if she had a chance? Could she do it for Kouta?
"She would do it for me…"
Could she do any less?
Later, she'd think more about this later. Right now, she was feeling dizzy, likely catching a cold. She began to walk back into the hospital. No matter what she chose to do, or not do, she resigned herself to the fact that she would have to get close to Lucy somehow, and that meant staying close to Kouta. Despite how she was feeling, Yuka couldn't deny that Kouta was still the most important thing to her in life. She would do anything for him.
…anything
As she walked back into the hospital, a sight in the distance caught her eye. Turning her head, she saw numerous columns of colored smoke rising into the sky from the direction of the bay. It looked like smoke flares, but Yuka couldn't imagine why someone would drop so many in one place.
Whatever was going on over there, she was glad it wasn't anywhere near them…
The distant sound of gunfire made her twitch.
(***) - This line of dialogue was paraphrased from a Mark Twain quote which reads: "But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
Note: the above quote, and line of dialogue, are not meant to, and do not, reflect any religious views on my part.