Chapter 36

The only sources of light were a lone streetlight and the neon sign of the Taco Bell, so I could hardly see his outline, let alone his face, but I knew who it was. Ryan. Alex's perverted older brother had never seemed so angelic to me than he did at that moment. And I'm not only saying that because of the macabre backlighting or the eerie silence besides the tapping of his feet on asphalt and the whirring of passing cars. Not only because he was currently the center of everyone's attention.

But also because of the enormous, opaque wings protruding from his back. Wings like Alex's, only stretched wider, more proud. More gallant. More real.

Clearly, that smug bastard's remark was aimed at me, but Alex was the one to face him first. "Ryan, wha-? How did you know to come here?"

Ryan scoffed, giving me a glimpse of those charmingly and eerily straight teeth of his. After knowing him for a few years, the idea of him wearing that impish grin with large grave wings on his back almost didn't even come as a surprise. The title of fae or demon or whatever suited him way more than it suited Alex.

So Ryan had lied to me too.

"Alma told me where to go. Heard that you were raising hell at Oberon's place and you may have a few guests, so she told me to bring the big car."

Which meant that Alma had lied as well.

They had all been hiding this from me. Were they all half fae? Were they all even related? I doubted everything I had ever thought I knew about that family.

I doubted even what had kept me calm since I first learned Alex's secret. That this had all been a coincidence. An unfortunate accident that Alex just happened to meet me and become my only friend and bring me into the NeverNever and ditch me. A happy accident.

The further along we went, the less and less it appeared that way.

Meghan popped up from my side, giving Ryan a suspicious glare that he so rightfully deserved. "I can tell that Alex and Silvia know you, but how are we sure that we can trust you?"

"Couldn't I ask you the same thing?"

She kept that stern glare, somehow sure that Ryan would concede at least some information. But he didn't.

With Grimalkin nowhere in sight, once again, Ryan decided to start herding us into the van. "Come on, kids. Silvia gets shotgun. The rest of you, just pile yourselves in wherever. Just don't block the rear-view."

I assumed that Grim didn't necessarily have to stick with us. He knew where Alex's house was. I mean, had he not been the silver blur I had seen twice before even entering the NeverNever? I had no idea why he'd been there, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he would either unveil that truth soon, or the answer would come out on its own.

I had a dreadful feeling that, even after arriving at Alex's house, my journey with the NeverNever would be far from over.

Instantly, Puck protested with what sounded like a barf. "Gah. I hate these things. Isn't there a better way? Like roller skates? I can do those."

That's right. The SUV was so commonplace to me that I had forgotten about the fae's disdain for metal and iron. This was why I had been so confused when Meghan first told me about her title. Was there really away for them to remain in this world with me and not come in contact with metal, something that should weaken and pain them despite their already diminished states?

"Roller skates at this time of night? So much for not looking suspicious." Meghan shook her head, smiling glumly at the stiff Puck. "You rode the bus to school every day. Just bear with it."

"While I won't deny that, princess, there's a huge discrepancy between my ability to handle a gigantic metal box of death with plenty of head room and one with leather straps binding me and huge, blue, demon eye gazing into my nonexistent soul."

She sighed, "You mean the dashboard?"

"I don't care what it's called!"

"You are such an infantile coward, Goodfellow." Ash took a few solid steps toward the 'metal box,' glaring at it like an ancient enemy. "Despite all the years that you spent with Meghan in the human world, you are still frightened by a—" He glanced at Meghan, wearing a raised brow that looked odd but adorable on him. "—a car, was it?"

Meghan gave him a thumbs up, but was obviously embarrassed by her husband's attempt at showcase his machismo. She opened the black door handle with a disciplinary gaze. "Ash, you don't have to show off. Just get in the back and I'll follow you in."

Ash and Meghan shared the far back seat, most likely holding hands beneath my line of sight by the position of their shoulders.

Mae sat in the back between Alex and Puck, perfectly squashed between Puck's wide shoulders and Alex's bushy wings. She didn't exactly seem comfortable between the two guys like that, but she certainly wasn't in pain like Puck seemed to be. Mae was shifting back and forth in order to gaze out each window, trying to acquire the best view of the human world. Maybe she didn't get to sightsee as much as she'd wanted during her previous escapades with Alex during the dance.

The summer jester beside her, however, was not breathing melodically or keeling over like had originally feared. Instead, he sat as stiffly as he had stood before, focusing on something outside the window with an immovable gaze and a deep-set frown. The expression of a man secretly debating jumping out of a moving vehicle.

Meanwhile, Alex, Mae, and Meghan seemed fine, going about seemingly traditional car-riding procedure. Alex and Meghan were peeking out their windows, watching passerbys as calm as cucumbers. I knew that Meghan and Puck had both spent time in the human world, but I had somehow been thinking that it was a period before cell phones and Instagram and cars. Well, that didn't account for her t-shirt and jeans, did it?

Because of my injuries, I had been commanded to sit in the passenger seat so that I could stretch out my legs. In this position, I also spotted Ryan hands, which were vibrating lightly while grasping the wheel, but not noticeably enough to have us veer off the road. Was he affected by this, too? I could see his smashed wings against the seat now, I knew that he was fae, but was he not like Alex? And what did that mean for Mae, who also seemed unaffected?

Were Meghan, Alex, and Mae all only half-fae?

The silence in the car was thick and pervasive, like waiting at the DMV but so pissed about the wait that you didn't wish to speak to other humans. That is, until Puck seemed to regain consciousness in his squished spot in the back, speaking in a manner that was almost politely rude. "Sooo, Ryan, was it? As much as I currently detest you for making me climb into this chuck of iron death, you otherwise seem like a grand and vaguely familiar fellow. This may be presumptuous or simply idiotic to ask, but are you and this crow-thing here related?"

It would be reasonable if it were true. Maybe they hadn't lied to me about everything and they had actually come from the same mother. The tale would have changed a bit to include fae and a plan to invade the human realm, but those were details that I convinced myself I could overlook.

But they didn't even give me that pleasure. "No. Noooo way. And even if it were true, I'd never admit being related to this screw-up."

They couldn't even give me that.

The car was dead quiet once again, everyone unsure whether they should react to the pointedly terse and cruel admission. But I wasn't going to be timid. I was normally jostled around by people my own age because of a rational fear of rejection, as my mother and father had explained to me dozens of times, but I wasn't afraid of Ryan. I had combated against his perverted quips and obnoxious nicknames and scandalous sex-in-the-hallway rendezvous for years. Out of everyone in this car, he was probably the one I was most comfortable arguing with.

"What do you mean by that?" I growled, enough bass in my voice that it was almost disguised by the humming of the SUV. I wasn't looking at Ryan, not wanting him to stare back at me and veer off the road, but clearly burning a hole into the windshield.

Ryan grimaced at my purposefully intimidating inquiry, "What do you mean what do I mean? I said exactly—"

"Ryan, you guys have already lied to me enough. Just stop putting on airs and being an asshole for once in your life and tell me what's really going on."

The car zoomed by a streetlamp, the light showcasing the generic and overstated shock on Ryan's face. Girls never spoke to him like that, a fact of which I was very well aware. While I had been sassy to him before, I had never been so jarringly abrasive and rude. He probably wasn't expecting such a bold response from me, who was normally so calm and rational.

I guess I had changed a bit since entering the Nevernever. Perhaps in a good way. But I would never admit that.

Ryan coughed lightly, expressing a timidity that was rarely seen in such a cantankerous character as himself. I'd shaken him more than I had intended, considering he was already struggling trying to drive this car. "Well, if you wanna be all technical about it, we're distantly related in a way. We're both tengu—of course, he's only half—and we come from the same clan. Unfortunately."

Tengu: A Japanese demon traditionally known to take the forms of birds of prey. Years ago, Buddhists believed them to be bad omens, but they are now accepted as dangerous protectors of mountains and forests. Tengus are also still relevant in modern culture, succeeded by masks with long noses that are meant to emulate their beaks.

Then I could in some way understand Ryan and Alex's relationship. They were distantly related, with Ryan most likely the furthest distance from the root of the tengu clan because, and I am not intending to be racist, he appeared to have a lesser amount of Asian ancestry than Alex. However, Alex was only half-fae, and Ryan was speaking to him as if he was below him. As if Ryan was a complete biological tengu and Alex was unacceptable in some way.

"Don't talk about Alex like he's a burden!" Mae squeaked, distracted from the bored humans driving tiny vehicles by Ryan's remarks. "You're just bitter because you have to watch over him and you're not mature enough to do your job without complaining!" She plopped back into the tiny indent that was her seat, folding her arms over her twig-clad chest and released a heavy groan.

As much as I longed to high-five Mae for her retort, something she said caught my attention. "So, Alex is a purer blood-line. That's why you have to watch over him. To protect him." That made sense of the more obvious ancestry.

We stopped abruptly at a red light, which forced my body to shift forward a smidge. Puck audibly groaned and I almost felt cruel for making him do this. I recognized this boulevard. It was gas station where I filled up every other week. It was the Harris Teeter where I would buy sushi for cheap if mom was too drunk to eat and I was too lazy to cook. It was the Chuck-E-Cheese where, for my fourth birthday party, my parents invited a hodge-podge of random children from the neighborhood in order to assist in my not-yet diminished efforts to make friends. We weren't the only cars on the road by far, but it was more empty than usual. I wondered how late it really was. The clock on the dashboard was closer to Ryan's side, so I wasn't able to scoot over in my seat far enough to take a peek. It must have been at least ten because everything, even the Italian restaurant that had the best chicken parm I had ever tasted, was closed.

Ryan smirked, probably disappointed that he couldn't keep us guessing for longer. His crooked teeth were obviously clenched, still fighting against the pain of the 'metal box.' Then again, he had been driving for longer than I had, so I was most likely just identifying things now that I hadn't before. Because he'd gotten used to it. Gotten so used to hiding it.

The light switched to green and he very literally slammed on the gas pedal, surprising all of us. "You got bingo, you weird green twerp." Mae stuck out her tongue, which was impossible for Ryan not to spot in the rearview mirror. "Yeah, his dad's head honcho. The chief, if you will. The story I always heard was that the chief fell in love and had a sweet, sweet affair with a human—"

"Ryan." Alex barked, trying to stifle his brother before he could continue. Did he really not want me to know? Didn't he know that I would find out eventually, whether he wanted me to or not, because that's just how I was? Or did he not want everyone else to hear?

"It's fiiiine, baby bro. I will tell the epic tale of your rise to power with the integrity and finesse it deserves." If there were a way to measure sarcasm, Ryan's statement would have measured off the chart. "Anyway, the chief had a glorious affair, but things didn't work out. Of course. Chief was assigned his arranged wife despite his protests and his pregnant mistress soon forgot about him, as all humans do."

"Do what?" I asked.

"They forget. We're born from the imagination of humans, so when we're separated, our presence slowly evaporates from their mind as if we had never been there."

I twisted around, my eyes begging Alex and Puck and Mae and the rest of them to tell me that this wasn't true. How could we forget? Why? Would I forget all of them too?

Nothing in their faces denied Ryan's words. None of them were looking at me except Meghan. Meghan, whose blue eyes were dull with sadness as she croaked, "It's true. Well, more so for full fae than for me. My family knows I exist but sometimes just…forget that I'm there, even if I'd spoken to them only a moment before. They don't even remember Puck, though."

My eyes were opened so far that they stung. Meghan's family. Her brother in Louisiana. Although they were gifted with unimaginable powers, they were all cursed with ephemeral existences, to never stay in the minds and hearts of humans?

Were fae and humans even meant to interact? Or was this the fae's punishment?

Ryan continued, not acknowledging how disturbed I had been by something he presumed was so elementary. "Turned out that chief's new wife couldn't have a boy. So, when the chief got badly injured in a clan war and they thought he was gonna kick the bucket, they went on a search for the mistress. After scouring, like, a country, they found her. Well, she was dead, but they found her son. That was little Alex. They shoved him back to the village and chief survived, but he's in like a wheelchair now and it's all sad. Everyone was kinda pissed, having a Halfling as our leader, but what can you do, right?"

A Halfling? I didn't even have a good idea of what that meant and it sounded offensive. I had always known that Alex and Ryan's relationship was strained, but I had never sensed such an acidity, a loathing, like I did now. A mix of bitter jealousy and poisonous fury. Like when someone younger than you gets a job over you. Like when Jenifer Kim swiped the number one spot right from under me, even though she had moved from South Korea two years prior. Even though I could sort of understand, I could almost identify with Ryan's contempt, I would not acknowledge it. I had no gauge of whether he was right or wrong, but I knew that Alex should not be looked down upon because of his lineage. It was no better than dismissing someone because of their gender or race, which I would not approve.

So I sat quietly, eyeing a passing Olive Garden and clenching my fists. I had always been skilled at stifling my emotions, but I wondered how long I would last. We were only about five minutes away from Alex's house. I feared the moment I would see Alma. Would she have wings too? Would she degrade Alex and pity me, the foolish human who followed him?

Or did they have different plans for me? Could she explain was Alex was unwilling to?

My stomach grappled between anticipation and dread, ultimately settling upon overall discomfort.

And we pulled up to the driveway, the long stretch of stone leading us to a distant dull light, it hit me. Like you're waiting to present your speech in class when the person next to you is called and all of a sudden you break into sweats. Like that. Like I wanted to turn around. I wanted to turn around now!

"Is this your house?" Mae asked delightedly, sitting forward in her seat as she peeked around. It was still strange watching brown locks fold over her shoulders rather than green ones. "Wow! There's so much room! Is that the house so far away? It's no castle, but wow! Did Alma build it?"

I supposed it wasn't a castle, but it had always seemed that way to me.

"The house is…that's…" Alex searched for words to respond to her enthusiasm, "…a bit difficult to explain."

"What's the issue, Chief? We've already unlocked your tragic backstory. It's not like we're asking your social security number." I saw Puck from the rearview mirror, his arms crossed but his mouth tilted crookedly. "Frankly, seeing this kid all frazzled is kinda making me feel like a bastard, so I'd prefer if you said it sooner before we forget what we were supposed to ask you at all."

'Kid?' Did he mean me?

"It's not important."

"Then it shouldn't be a big deal to tell us."

"You're not worried about Silvia, you're just being obnoxious—"

"Err. Wrong answer."

"Could you be anymore annoying?"

"Yes. Was that a rhetorical question?"

Alex huffed as he slammed his winged back into his seat, opting out of this argument in favor of watching the house come closer into view.

The SUV zoomed past the slightly overgrown lawn, past the fountain with a clearly diminished or nonexistent water supply. Where was Charles? Didn't he normally work on keeping this place operational? Ryan pulled around to one of the three garage doors, slowing down so smoothly that I almost couldn't feel when we had made it to a complete stop. The white house appeared daunting with the lack of proper lighting. In fact, the only light that seemed to be on was the chandelier in the front entryway. Was no one home?

After everyone had shuffled out of the car, Puck taking a huge satisfied breath at the shift, we managed to herd them in and lead them along the stone pathway. Past all the foliage: the brown rose bushes and dying Dahlia bouquets. I remember lovingly creating those combinations with Alma a year before. I remember thinking that pink would never be my favorite color, but the Dahlias I planted with her, with Alex watching and holding our iced teas, would never not be beautiful. We planted them around mid-April. Another sign of impeding summer weather.

I guess that was another thing I had missed while in the NeverNever this year.

I straggled up those stone steps and gazed above me, at the white arc that covered my weary head. I had walked up this stoop innumerable times, but never had my knees shaken this badly. Especially not at the sight of that enormous wooden door.

This was my home for a while, but a home isn't supposed to make you feel this way. Like you're in danger. Like you're abandoned. Like you're alone among people that should feel like your family.

Before Ryan could stick his key into the matted metal lock, the door energetically swung open.