Chapter 37:

Just friends

That night, I didn't sleep. Sleep always came naturally to me, but not tonight, and it was pissing me off. Glenn had put us in the hospital areas temporarily and I stayed in the same hot cot as before. Every ten minutes or so I would look over and see Tara in the cot next to me, snoring away. Her back was to me, but I could hear her soft breathing and slight snoring that was more cute than annoying. It usually soothed me to sleep, but not this time.

I could hear everyone else outside the windows – it was still early, but I guess being hated by an entire community really tires you out.

I sat up in bed and lifted the sheet off my wounded leg. It was still aching, but at least now it just came in waves so I had a few seconds of relief before the pain came back. The heat made wearing anything unbearable so I shoved the blanket down near the end of the bed and swung my legs off the bed so the cool pavement touched my feet.

I stood up and walked towards the high window, closer to Tara. I wasn't tall enough to see anything through it, but I saw the flickering light from a fire, and I could hear quiet laughing. I can't remember the last time I heard my family laugh in peace. I didn't know how long it would be until we all did again.

I stared up at that barred window for a bit, concentrating mostly on the bars. It made me feel trapped and uneasy – not emotions I handled well. So I looked to Tara. Her body faced me, her arms wrapped around her body like a safe little cocoon. A part of me wanted her to wake up just so I could see her sweet brown doe eyes.

Anyone's eyes that weren't Michonne's.

"Oh, man, I'm boring myself..." I limped past her back to my cot in frustration.

"'Scuze me?"

I already slumped down against the mattress when Max appeared, his slim figure leaning against the door frame with a plate of food in his hands. I held my leg as I shuffled my back towards the wall to lean against. Then I just stared at him, waiting for his reason for being here. He just stared back, saying nothing.

I raised my brow line. "What, dude?"

Max widened his eyes momentarily. "Jeez..." He walked towards me. "You make it impossible to be nice to you." Max grinned and sat on the opposite end of the bed, rather intrusively.

I liked that.

"I brought you food," Max said as he placed it in front of me and folded his legs. I smirked in amusement when he rested his chin in his cupped hands and looked up at me adoringly.

"Thanks," I said warily, staring down at one of the carrots cut up into sticks. My hands hovered over them, though.

Max grinned and even in the dark I could still see the light in his eyes. "Um... Relax, I removed the explosives from them."

I looked from him to the carrots. "My hero," I said flatly.

He stared at me. "Just shut up and eat the carrots."

I snorted through a grin. "Sorry," I said, then nibbled at the end of a carrot. To be honest, I was still pretty hungry seeing I threw most of my food on the bitch.

For the next half hour he just sat across from me and watched me nibble slowly on carrots. But there was no silence; it was filled with whispers about who would win in a fight, Superman or Supergirl.

When half the carrots on the plate were gone, I set it aside on the small table between my cot and Tara's.

Max frowned. "Full already?"

I looked back over to Tara whose face I couldn't see, but the rise and fall of her shoulders when she breathed. I found myself smiling. "No, but Tara will be hungry when she wakes up."

When Max didn't say anything, I pulled my eyes away from Tara's sleeping state. I was confused at how he was looking at me. It was a new kind of discomfort.

"What?"

Max glanced down at his shoes. "You and Tara," he looked back up at me, "You're just friends, right?" He forced a weak smile onto his face. "Or are you guys..." He trailed off and shrugged. "You know..."

I swallowed hard and looked from Max to Tara to Max. "Um..." I shrugged and frowned. I hadn't really thought about it, or about Tara in that way. I was thankful she was asleep.

"We're just friends."

...

Just friends...

When Tara stared ahead and heard that boy ask what she and Jude were, her breath caught. She remained still and quiet in fear of them knowing she was awake and aware. When Judith began her response with a thoughtful 'um', Tara's heart gave a leap and her eyes widened.

"We're just friends."

That one sentence nearly killed her. Any shred of hope visible in her open doe eyes was gone and replaced with tears threatening to fall.

Just friends.

What did Tara expect to hear? Of course Judy couldn't like her! They were family; sisters. And yet Tara still had to quietly clamp her mouth shut to mute her small whimpers as she stared ahead into the empty space.

Just friends.

Those two words ringed in her head, and every time, she felt even worse, like someone shoved a knife in her gut and kept twisting. Tara's hand remained clamped over her trembling lips and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block it out. When she opened them a tear fell over the arch of her nose down her olive coloured cheek.

Only one tear fell for Judith. The tears that followed fell for everyone else. Perhaps this is how Tara dealt.

...Just friends...

...

The next morning, I awoke at the crack of dawn, but not by choice. The loud sound of Tara's hand slapping against the table for her knife woke me up.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and propped myself up by my elbows and stared at her back. "Hey," I grunted softly, still tired and out of it.

Tara sat on the edge of her bed with her back to me, lacing up her shoes. I could hear Tara take a breath before replying. "Hi," she said stiffly, and I frowned.

I coughed uncomfortably and sat up, rubbing at the back of my head. My brown hair had tangled in my sleep and when I scratched at my scalp, I could feel the crusted blood under my fingertips.

I needed a bath.

"You get any sleep last night?" I asked. "Or were you too busy fantasizing about lesbians?" I joked dryly. Not my best material, but I just woke up.

Tara finished lacing her black boots and stood up. "I got enough."

I swung my legs over the edge and stared down at my wound with the bandage over it. It hurt just as much as before, but not more so I knew it was healing. Even so, I didn't want to look at the grossness of it.

But I knew it would be an awesome grossness.

She started tugging on a baggy green t-shirt over the black singlet that showed off her abs through the fabric.

I stood up in my denim shorts and started snaking my belt from the floor through it's loops. I sat back down and started lacing up my own black boots. Tara and I used to have contests about who had the least blood stains on their shoes.

"You gonna go man the wall again?" I asked her, glancing up through my strands of hair.

She tucked the green shirt in the back of her black jeans, barely even glancing at me. "Yep. They always could use more people."

I straightened up and frowned at her again. "...Okay..." I glanced at the side table between our two cots. The carrots remained untouched, even though Tara almost always ate my food, whether I was done with it or not.

I stood up, a sharp pain shooting through my leg. When Tara turned to walk away, I held her gently by the arm, turning her to face me. "Tara, you okay?" I asked, but I knew that was a dumb question. Michonne had just died. Of course she wasn't okay, but why was she acting weird around me?

Finally, Tara looked at me. Her brown eyes were always warm and kind. But when Tara stared at me, they were cold and icy, like mine. I didn't know brown eyes could look like that. Especially not Tara's.

"I'm fine." Her jaw clenched and my hand dropped from her arm. Her eyes remained cold. "Buddy."

I wasn't a moron, but I remained stiff when I watched her walk away. I gritted my teeth and rolled my eyes, because that was my reaction to everything. "Dammit," I breathed before heading after her. I hated it when Tara was cold with me, and I needed to know why.

By the time I reached the hospital exit, she was already through the warehouse, and by the time I reached the garage door, I had to ignore the limping pain in my leg and jog after her.

"Tara," I called out when she was closer.

Tara ignore me and kept walking. I heard birds chirping and saw the light blue sky with orange seeping into it.

"Tara," I called again, turning the corner sharply. It was too sharp a turn to handle with the sewn up hole in my leg so I stammered a little. But I skidded to a stop on my heels when I saw who was walking towards us.

Then I broke into a sprint.

Author's Notes: Alright, I know these chapters are talking a bit longer, and they're shorter than most, but I have been... distracted... lately...

And a thanks to the person who stood up for Judith. I thought that was pretty rad.