Perhaps Carlisle was trying to spare me the horror of watching the change, but it was of no use. I filled the porcelain bathtub with scalding hot water and plunged under water, over and over again, scrubbing my body with the strongest soap I could find, but I couldn't get rid of the smell of the man's blood. It was everywhere – in my hair, seeped into my diamond-hard skin. It was as if he was a part of me.
And even underwater, I couldn't escape his screams of agony.
What would he say, when he woke up and learned that I was to blame for his pain?
I couldn't face that. I didn't want to face reality at all. I didn't want to look into Esme's concerned eyes. I didn't want Edward poking around in my head, trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with me. I didn't want Carlisle's pity.
Most of all, I didn't want the man to wake up and hate me.
So I stayed submerged, pretending nothing unusual was going on in the kitchen below me, trying to block out every memory – the surge of longing when I'd first seen his face; the raw hunger and rush of venom as I'd carried him down the mountain…
That's right Rosalie, think of pretty dresses and cotillions. Think of anything at all. Just don't think about what you've done to that man downstairs. And what you almost did to him…
The water vibrated slightly. More disruption below. It was a good thing there were four of us here to handle him, I thought.
Not that you're helping matters, hiding out here.
Irritated with myself, I emerged from the water and took a gulp of air, trying to force the memory of his scent from me.
The water had grown cold, but it still was comforting against my icy body. I settled back into the tub, letting my head rest against the rim, like a pillow.
Closing my eyes, I let my mind wander. Who was the mysterious stranger I'd forced upon my family? To judge from his patched overalls, he probably true mountain folk. I'd never seen him before, that was for sure – I would have remembered that face.
Dirt poor. That's what those overalls meant.
Shame raced through me even before I'd finished thinking the scornful words.
It doesn't matter , I argued with myself. We have more than enough.
It's not the money, Rosalie. Think of what he will be like.
A hundred possibilities flashed through my mind, but one image arrested my feverish brain: a sweet fiddle, mournful in the night, and him, gently tucking a younger sister into the big bed that so many of them shared.
And then another: him, wielding an axe against a fallen tree, his overalls slipped down to his slim waist; his bare, bronzed chest sparkling with sweat, revealing every ripple of his muscles with each swing.
And then another: his calloused hands, trailing softly against my skin.
A shudder ran through my body and I felt the same burning that had confused me down in the kitchen, when I'd helped Carlisle tie down the man's naked limbs.
It was longing, and desire…and hope.
Well, isn't that a pretty picture? The voice said snidely. Country Mouse, City Mouse? Or perhaps Beauty and the Beast?
Just then, a roar of pain shook through the house. The voice in my head barely paused.
Only guess who the monster is in your little fairy tale? But you'll never be made whole again with a kiss, will you, Rosalie?
Livid, I threw the bar of soap against the wall, flattening it and making a dent in the old plaster.
No, a kiss won't turn back all that has happened to you. But you'll be lucky if it even gets that far. If he doesn't hate you for forcing this life on him, well, once he finds out what happened to you in Rochester--
"Enough!"I screamed, jumping from the water.
I needed to go downstairs. At least there, I wouldn't be alone with my thoughts.
XOXOXO
I stood outside the kitchen door – my handprint now scrubbed away -- bracing myself for whatever I'd find inside. The screaming had suddenly stopped, putting my nerves even more on edge. At least the screaming had become predictable.
When I entered the kitchen, I found things in some strange semblance of order. The man lay twitching on the table, only occasionally straining against the ropes. Esme had washed his body and wrapped him loosely in sheets, so now only the faint smells of sweat and soap were emanating from his skin.
The whole room had been tidied. Gone were the coils of ropes and mounds of sheets. Esme and Edward had taken away the bloody clothes and burned them. The crisp smell of bleach filled the air. If it hadn't been for the gigantic body in the middle of the table, you could almost have mistaken it for a bit of spring cleaning.
Edward and Carlisle were consulting quietly in the corner. Edward acknowledged me with a brief nod.
"We'll probably have three days," Carlisle reflected, his back to me. "He's so big, it may take that long for the venom to work its way through his system."
"That should be enough time to work something out," Edward stated. "Though I'm at a loss as to what it could be."
He looked meaningfully at Carlisle. Carlisle turned quickly to face me.
"Oh, hello, Rosalie. Feeling better?"
I ignored his pleasantries. "What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"We're just planning ahead for our guest's awakening," Edward answered swiftly.
"What do you need to work out?" I pressed him.
"Just a few practicalities, Rosalie," Carlisle answered. "For one, getting him clothes. He's a lot bigger than Edward and me."
"He's a lot bigger than any human I've ever seen," muttered Edward, who seemed annoyed.
"You don't happen to know where he lived, do you?" Carlisle asked hopefully.
I shook my head. "I've never seen him before. I suppose we could go search around the place where I found him."
"Too risky," Edward said dismissively. "They are bound to be looking for him. We can't take a chance on them missing his clothes. Or somehow seeing us. Esme will just have to make him something."
"Make him something?" I eyed him incredulously. "Are you serious?"
"Well, what do you suggest? Marching into the General Store and asking for a pair of extra-large overalls? About so big," he said, gesturing broadly, "just about the size of that missing mountain man? No, that won't attract anyone's attention," Edward snorted as he rolled his eyes.
"I wasn't thinking," I said, taken aback by his edginess. "I'm sorry."
Carlisle put a restraining hand on Edward's arm.
"We just need to be very careful now, Rosalie," Carlisle said gently. "Everyone's suspicion could be raised from this disappearance, and we don't know what his connections are. As newcomers in this area, we might not be trusted."
"But that can't be what you've been puzzling over," I began again, eyeing Edward with suspicion. "Esme sewing him some clothes is not that complicated. And if there's any risk of our discovery, you can listen in town so we have plenty of warning."
Carlisle looked at Edward, who cocked his head to the side.
"No, I don't think that is such a good idea," Edward answered under his breath.
"You know I hate it when you do that," I growled back. "What are you talking about?"
Carlisle looked expectantly at Edward, who just shrugged.
Carlisle began. "You'll remember how strong you were as a newborn, Rosalie."
I nodded impatiently.
"Your friend here will be even stronger. He is unusually large for a human. He's already proven to be quite a handful, just by his reactions to the change."
"Yes," I nodded, still not sure where this was going. "I heard his screams and the sounds of the furniture."
"He almost broke Esme's table," Edward muttered again.
Carlisle ignored the interruption and continued.
"Restraining any newborn is a delicate task. It is especially vital that we are able to maintain control over him should he inadvertently come into contact with the local people."
He paused and shifted his weight. It was an oddly human gesture. He was clearly uncomfortable.
"So?" I asked impatiently.
Edward sighed. "We're not sure we can restrain him, Rose. He's bigger than all of us. It took all three of us to keep you under control, if you remember, and we had the advantage of you having… a goal."
"I don't understand," I said, frustrated that they were dragging this out.
"We haven't come to any conclusions, of course," Carlisle said, his golden eyes betraying his nerves. "But we may need to lock him up in one of the outbuildings until we come up with a better way."
"Even that will probably not work," Edward said, his mind working furiously. "He could tear down any of those buildings in an instant. And the chains will do no good, Carlisle. He'll just break through them."
I hissed at the word chains .
"You are not going to keep him locked up like a prisoner here, Edward Cullen!" I howled. "He has done nothing wrong."
"Now, Rosalie, be reasonable," Carlisle soothed.
"No, you be reasonable! You won't touch him, either one of you. I won't allow it!"
"Won't allow what?" Esme's gentle voice broke into the argument and we all fell silent as she entered the room.
I looked down and realized I'd fallen into a defensive crouch between the man and the others. Ashamed, I straightened and turned to face Esme.
"They want to lock him up, Esme," I whispered, pleading with my eyes for her help.
"To protect him," Edward urged, "and us. He'll be too dangerous."
"Nonsense," Esme said firmly, looking fondly at Edward. "We'll welcome him the same way we did Rosalie. And if he needs some extra care," she continued with a wink, "I'm sure Rosalie will be happy to attend to him."
My jaw dropped open. Phantom heat stole through my body. I touched my cheeks, just to be sure they weren't red with embarrassment.
"Esme," Carlisle began, but Esme silenced him with a look.
"If Rosalie has found a companion, Carlisle, we must do everything we can to make his transition an easy one."
A faint feeling came over me. "But, he's not…I mean, I'm not…"
Esme smiled. "You don't have to explain, Rosalie. It was obvious from the moment you carried him back here. You're in love."
Shock rippled through my body. It can't be love. I'm not ready! I thought, fighting against my climbing panic. I don't even know if that is what I want. And what if he doesn't want me?
Trying hard to remain calm, I ghosted to the man's side. He seemed almost peaceful. I placed my cold hands on his brow, letting the heat of his fever draw me back to focus on the present.
You can't love, Rosalie. Love died for you long ago.
The words stung. I snatched my hands away and folded my arms in front of my chest.
"Don't be ridiculous," I said coldly, keeping my back turned to them all. "I just couldn't stand for the waste of letting that bear kill him. And since I'm the one who brought him here, I feel responsible for him. I won't have him treated like an animal."
There was an awkward pause.
"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone with him for a while."
No one said anything. I let them drift out in silence, one by one, until I was left alone with my stranger.
He let out a soft moan.
"I'm right here," I whispered, brushing the hair back from his face, settling in to watch over him.
XOXOXO
The minutes and hours stole away and melted into days. I sat like a statue beside him, stirring only to wipe his brow with a damp cloth, my nerves taut for any sound, any sign, that indicated he was in pain.
Every cry was an arrow through my heart. I sat, helpless, bearing silent witness to his struggle, oblivious to the comings and goings of Carlisle and Edward as they monitored his progress.
As I waited, my mind kept wandering back over vague memories. One in particular kept returning -- Vera and the night she had kept vigil over her little one, who'd been struck with the whooping cough. Her little house had no indoor plumbing, so they'd carried the little boy over to her parents' in the still of the night, hoping the steam of a bath would free the boy's lungs and he would breathe again. For months afterward, her eyes had been wild with fear if she even thought about how close she'd come to losing him.
How fragile humans were, I wondered… and how vulnerable anyone who loved them.
I felt a surge of emotion as I looked at the stranger laid out on the table. How can you feel so much for someone you don't even know? I chided myself.
No answer came to me. For once, the voice inside my head was silent.
Slowly, the gaping wounds in the man's neck began to knit together. My time was running short. Soon he would awaken.
I began to steel myself, burying my feelings deep inside me. He must never know, I vowed.
Never.