Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Chpt 35 Beast
BPOV
Dance?
With him?
Here?
Doubtfully I survey the couples twirling together on the floor, talking, laughing, touching, together. This doesn't seem like an asshole related activity to me . . . .
Nevertheless, when he's stood in front of me, offering me his hand I take it without question and allow him to lead me out onto the crowded dance floor.
While I'm still frantically pondering what happens next he pulls me easily into his arms and sets us gliding smoothly to the music.
This isn't so bad, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be looking at though, my eyes are darting around like fireflies. Finally I settle for a fibre by fibre analysis of his shirt. One, two, three, four, five, six . . . .
"Have you thought about what you'd like to do once you've earned enough for a new laptop?" He asks in a perfectly normal conversational tone, relaxing me instantly.
"No. I should probably start saving for a car again but I'm not sure now that it's very practical for a travelling vampire to use a car."
"Hm. We can probably have more fun without a car for now anyway. Try and think of this as a vacation."
"Playboy." I snicker.
"I am not." He says indignantly. "But being a vampire doesn't have to be all hard work and denial, that's an important lesson to learn too."
Maybe but I can't ever remember being much of a one for fun when I was alive, in fact I can't really think of a time when I really had any, there was always something holding me back. Fear of ridicule, lack of friends, epic clumsiness. There were lots of things I enjoyed and a few things I loved, like reading, but nothing I can remember thinking of as fun. I did have fun skiing today but it's not as if I'm going to be able to do that for eternity.
"You pick, I don't mind." I suggest.
"Alright." He responds happily as if it was the option he was looking for. "And just to prove I'm not a playboy I'll throw in plenty of vampire kicks that don't cost anything."
"Okay."
"We've still got more serious stuff to do before you go swanning off to New York with Kate." He adds. "And we're going to have to visit a few places where I know there'll be other vampires."
I shiver, I suppose it makes sense but at the moment I'd be quite happy never to run into another new vampire again.
"It'll be fine." He says gently, squeezing my hand and pulling me closer with the one resting lightly in the small of my back. "I wouldn't knowingly put you in the path of danger, I just want you to be confident how to behave when you meet others, which you will, recognise the signs when they're best avoided and know how to avoid them. It will give you a chance to practise with your shield too."
Brilliant. Enjoy your 'vacation' Bella, but not too much.
It's not until the music changes that I realise our bodies are now as close together as the other couples.
And I risk a glance up at him.
Big mistake. He's staring down at me with yet another unfathomable expression on his face.
I swallow convulsively and he tightens his grip on me, drawing our bodies together until there's no space between us.
"Bella, I . . . ."
The doors open and a crowd of people surge into the bar, my head snaps around immediately. That scent is back, the intriguing one from last night, but much stronger, in fact suddenly it's all I can smell.
Wordlessly I step away from him, sniffing the air as I make my way carefully between the other dancers.
Its human, human blood. Unaccountably, unbelievably delicious human blood. Quite possibly the best and most wonderful aroma I have encountered in my entire life.
Venom pools in my mouth, searing my already flaming throat.
A hard hand grips my wrist and I whirl, snarling viciously. My blood. Mine. I won't be sharing it. I'll kill to take it just for me.
"Time to go." The vampire says sternly, dragging me back the way I've come.
I pull back, trying to yank my hand free, but he's too strong and I'll I manage to do is knock one of the dancing couples flying. Spilling blood.
Oh god, blood. It's everywhere around me. Pumping through their bodies, I can hear it, I can smell it, I can see it. I can see him, the owner of my amazing blood. I'm going to drain him of every drop of that ambrosial smelling liquid if I have to kill everyone here to do it.
Two strong arms wrap around my chest like steel bands, lifting me off the floor and carrying me away, struggling and still snarling ferociously, at vampire speed.
Shouts, screams and questions erupt around us. But I don't care, I don't care about any of it, only that smell, my thirst and the hard body overpowering mine, refusing to let me have what I want.
I struggle all the way out into the trees and halfway up the mountain, screaming, cursing and trying to bite or otherwise harm the vampire restraining me.
When he deposits me on the ground and then throws himself on top of me I suck in a giant lungful of air and roar my rage into his face.
The smell's gone, replaced by another, just as maddening but for different reasons.
Growling, but not with anger, I wrap my legs around his hard body and jerk my pelvis into him.
"No!" He orders, face hovering over mine.
Unable to move my arms I lift my head, fastening my lips to his, attempting to force my tongue between them.
"No." He repeats, pulling his head back. "This isn't what you want either. Focus. Remember who you are."
"I want you." I howl, grinding myself against him again. I can feel him getting hard and I want it. Crave it, I need to feel . . . .
"No." He growls with maddening calm. "You don't. Think Bella. Remember who you are!"
"Ungh." I reach up again, scraping my teeth down the column of his throat.
"Jesus Christ woman." He groans. "I'm a vampire too and I'd happily fuck you into oblivion right now. But. You. Don't. Like. Me."
"I don't care." I gasp, writhing against him and reaching for his neck again with my teeth.
"Yes you do. You do."
"Throat hurts." I moan, since nothing's happening to distract me from it.
"I bet it does." He chuckles, the vibrations flashing through my body and setting it off again.
Angry I thrash against him, trying to break his hold, dislodge his weight. Hurt him. Over and over and over.
Fruitless.
And finally my consciousness is forced back into my body by the absence of anything else. So complete and immediate was my transformation in the club I didn't even feel it coming on, wasn't aware of my thought processes shutting down, and I hadn't even realised it until now, when they're starting up again. Remembering . . . .
"Oh my god." I whisper.
Immediately he eases his painful grip, rolling away from me but keeping a firm hold on my arm.
What? Oh god what the hell just happened? How could I lose control so completely, without even knowing it? I mean I've been tempted before, failed to control it a time or two, but nothing like this. And Jasper, oh god, what? There's so much blasting around in my head I don't even know where to start.
That man, his blood, what was that?
I groan in pain and longing. I wanted to drain him, I was going to, I still want to now even though that tantalising scent is gone. I'd have gladly slaughtered the whole club to get to him, what's wrong with me?
"What's wrong with me?"
"I'm guessing he was your singer." AJ answers.
I try to pull my arm back so I can sit up and look at him properly but he refuses to release it. For a moment anger flares but then it subsides again and I flop back down, settling for rolling my head to face him.
"Singer?"
"A human whose blood calls to you more than any other's. The ultimate temptation."
"He smelt so wonderful."
"If you want him you can have him. But you have to hunt him carefully. The consequences of exposing yourself to humans are swift and irrevocable."
"You stopped me." Half grateful, half accusing.
"I'm supposed to be looking after you. Not letting you get yourself executed. Besides you're a good veggie, you'd have regretted it afterwards."
I nod. I am. I would have. But still, he was mouth-watering, I'm still swallowing down the excess venom.
"I don't understand. I would have killed all of them to get him, I would even have fought you and then I wanted . . . ."
"It's the beast." He says with recognition. "Your inner vampire, the monster that you are. The one that craves blood, sex, violence, any kind of physical gratification over thought and awareness."
My face must betray my disgust and denial because he laughs bitterly.
"You might not like the idea. And you might fight it on every level from now to eternity. But it's there, it's part of who you are. Denying it only leads to trouble and the pain of not living up to your expectations."
"Are you suggesting turning into a savage every once in a while is good for me?" I gasp in shock.
"No. I'm not. Recognise it. Accept it. Then you'll be able to manage it better."
"I'm not a monster." I whimper, voicing out loud and old, old, mantra.
"Yes." He says with finality. "You are. You're an immortal being designed to live on the blood of humans. There's a beast in you that's always going to be threatening to break through to the surface. Not being able to control it is going to get you killed. The rule is simple and even more important in this modern world. There are covens that will love you and accept you but still kill you to protect the others if they don't think you can control yourself."
"I can control myself." I object, stung.
"Yes you can. And any vampire will understand the concept of singers. But what they won't understand is if you don't. By all means take them, but don't endanger yourself or others to do it."
If Eleazar had explained all that to me in Carlisle's study I would have smiled and nodded. Believed I'd understood it. But I realise that it wouldn't have in any way prepared me for the reality of it. If I'd run into that guy in a department store, alone as I surely would have been . . . . God it doesn't bear thinking about . . . .
Yet even so I can't snuff out the thought trails that are planning a more structured approach to draining him.
"What would it be like?" I whisper.
"He will taste amazing. Draining him will give you almost unbearable pleasure. And you'll have no pain in your throat for at least a week."
Nothing, for a whole week? Jesus, put me off the idea why don't you?
"Your eyes will be red, deep dark red. And he'll be dead. But they'll go gold again over time. We'll have to leave town straight away, it's possible someone might have seen enough in the club to be suspicious."
Don't think about it, don't think about how easy he makes it sound . . . .
"Have you ever met a singer?"
"Two."
Funny how he'll talk about anything except himself and I can't stop myself from frowning at him.
He sighs heavily.
"The first one was when I was quite young. We passed by their homestead. She was breast feeding her baby. I have no idea what happened to the baby, I don't remember killing it but it ain't likely I gave it a bath and put it to bed."
Oh Jesus, Jasper.
"The second one was a guy at a gas station. Him I followed all the way home, two hundred sixty miles, I sat on his roof and listened while he had dinner with his wife and kids. I waited until they'd all gone to bed, listened while he made love to her and then fell asleep, then I dragged him outside and drained him in their yard."
His voice is so expressionless he could be telling me about a trash can he took out to the kerb once. I recognise it as his asshole voice except I think I can hear a bit more to it now. Esme said he doesn't forgive himself very easily and I can hear that. But if he holds a grudge against himself for everything he thinks he does wrong, why does he keep doing it?
I don't know, it's too deep for me.
"I don't want that." I whisper, careless of how that sounds under the circumstances.
"Then don't give into it." He says easily, flipping back to what I now think of AJ mode, pleasant and reasonable. "Mentally you're very strong."
"Not wanting to do and not doing are two different things." I mutter miserably.
"The trick, I suspect, is not to torture yourself with it. If you don't want to kill him then we should leave now. Isn't that how you'd normally deal with something like this?"
"I'm very good at running away." I half laugh.
"Don't knock it. Knowing when to do it is a good life skill."
"Don't you mind?"
"Leaving? No. If you want to ski again there are plenty of places. Not going to work tonight? I guess I can live without it if I have to."
"Thank you." I drench my words with as much sincerity as I can.
He smiles slightly.
"And, I'm sorry, for you know . . . ."
"Attempting to have your wicked way with me?" He chuckles. "I'm only sorry I had to turn you down."
I giggle. See he can be charming when he tries, even though I know he wouldn't have wanted to either.
"What about our stuff?" I don't like the idea of leaving it but under the circumstances going into town is not looking very appealing right now.
"Leave it, its all disposal."
My face must have given away my reaction to that statement because he grins.
"Alright. We'll go fetch it. But you need to make a choice. If you smell him again do you want me to stop you or not?"
"Stop."
"Hold my hand then Miss Swan and know that I won't be letting go, no matter what happens."