A/N: I love all the new reviewers and I hope you continue to leave me your thoughts on the story, especially this chapter. I really love this chapter because I feel it's a huge turning point for many reasons and you'll see why. Enjoy!
"I still have a couple of your t-shirts," Jade says. "If you need something to sleep in."
Tori takes a careful sip. "That'd be great. Thanks." And they settle back into weird silence that's been surrounding them ever since they walked through the door. And Jade gets it. It's been awhile since Tori's stayed over, and neither of them really know what's the protocol now.
She's fed up with nervous quietness after several minutes. "Tori," she calls, and Tori snaps her gaze up to meet hers. Brown eyes are filled with apprehension, and Jade tries not to flinch. "You don't have to stay if you're uncomfortable." Tori shifts in her seat, and honestly, the notion of if is laughable. Of course she's uncomfortable. She doesn't think she's ever seen Tori this - unsure.
Is the prospect of spending the night with me that terrifying?
Jade searches Tori's markedly stoic face, and that's her answer. The worst thing is, she gets it.
"I apologize," Tori answers after a short pause. "I didn't want to give you the impression that I don't want to be here."
"You can want to be here and still be uncomfortable," Jade points out, "and that's the last thing I want you to feel." She pauses. Watches Tori's gaze soften when hers does. "Tori, it's okay. If you leave, it's okay. We'll try again when you're ready. Take it slow, remember?"
Tori's lips twitch. "That's not something I'll forget any time soon," she says pointedly, and with Jade's answering quiet laughter, the last of tension leaves the room. "My desire to be here far outweighs my… unease," she tells Jade next, earnestly, sending pleasant heat to spread through her body. It only intensifies when she slides her hand across the table to take Jade's, lightly caressing skin. "I don't want to leave," she whispers. "That's what I feel."
Jade shakes her head. Chuckles. "How do you do this?" At Tori's confused smile, she continues. "How do you make every moment so – special?"
Tori shrugs, and flashes her a small yet impish grin, and doesn't lean back when Jade's hand finds the back of her neck and her lips find hers.
She wakes to sunlight beaming onto her face, and it feels less poetic than it sounds. It's far too hot and harsh on her skin, and so she groans and tries to turn around, but there's a strong arm around her waist preventing her from doing so. The more she moves, the more the grip on her tightens.
Possessive side, Jade remembers Dr. Grant's words, and smiles as she gently scratches her blunt nails up and down Tori's arm, prompting her to release her so she can face her. Tori only murmurs something unintelligible in her neck and pulls her closer. She laughs.
"...Jade?" Tori's voice is warm with sleep, just like her body pressed up against Jade.
"Hey," she whispers as Tori's grip loosens enough for her to roll over and come face to face with her. She can't hold back a small chuckle at the sight before her. Tori's eyes are hazy with sleep, a little unfocused, and her curls are wild, scattered on the pillow and partly on her face. She reaches out, brushing them away for her. Welcomes the sweet ache in her heart she's become accustomed to when Tori gives her a smile.
"Hey." Goosebumps rise where Tori's fingertips lazily stroke the skin of her lower back. "Sleep well?"
"Uh-huh," Jade replies distractedly. Her whole body - her traitorous body - decides to fully focus on Tori's small touches instead of her voice, and she's not sure she's strong enough to stop it. She's spent the whole night in Tori's embrace, and she's slowly reaching her breaking point. They almost tipped over it last night a couple of times already, when kisses grew more and more heated and hands wandered, and Tori's brown eyes turned practically black in the dark stillness of the room.
Jade remembers Tori struggling to speak when their lips parted after a particularly deep kiss. "I," Tori breathlessly stuttered, "I - maybe I should take the… the couch."
Jade's arms already tightened around Tori before she even replied. "No. I'll go." Even though she didn't want to. Really, really didn't want to. But if Tori couldn't stand this anymore…
Tori let out a long breath as she rested her forehead on Jade's, trying to calm her breathing. "Okay," she says, not without mirth. "No one is going anywhere. We just need to… step back a little."
Jade agreed, and so they did. Which proved to be quite a feat. Tori kept tensing up in her hold, and Jade kept offering she take the couch. Tori declined.
"Well," Jade said, then. "We could try to lie next to each other? No cuddling?"
Tori took her time with the reply. "You must think I'm being childish," she said after a long pause, staring at the ceiling.
"I think it makes perfect sense," Jade hurried to reply, causing Tori to look at her. In the dark, her features were sharper, more pronounced, and Jade suppressed the urge to trace them with her fingertips. "Sometimes, cuddling is so much more intimate than sex."
Tori's teeth flashed as she smirked. "Depends on the sex, too."
"Okay," Jade rolled her eyes. "Talking about sex might not be the best decision right now." She shifted, hissing when her thighs rubbed together. She still felt on edge, sticky and hot and uncomfortable, but not entirely in an unpleasant way.
"Sorry." Tori chuckled, and Jade could sense her hesitation before her next words. "I - could we… try? Your suggestion?"
"Of course," Jade nodded so quickly she was half-afraid she'd strain a muscle. "Yes." She almost said anything, but Tori was already careful, alert, and she didn't need to add worry for her to the mix.
"Thank you." The words were whispered into the room, and Jade curled up next to Tori, careful not to touch her.
Tori's hand found hers in the sheets, tentative, gentle, and she felt silly when tears slid down her cheeks, but she couldn't stop them from coming.
And now, after a night of such an intense emotional rollercoaster, they wake up tangled up in each other, their bodies having minds of their own.
"Are you hungry?" She asks, shaking off the daze Tori and memories of last night put her in. It's best to go the safe route right now. As much as she wants to spend the day lounging in bed with Tori, she's not sure if they'll stop there. And she's also not sure Tori won't panic and push her away any second now, and she doesn't know if it's something she'll be able to handle.
Tori's eyes clear, and Jade's relieved when she doesn't recoil from her. "I could eat," she says in a raspy voice. Bad, bad thoughts flash through Jade's mind.
She slips out of Tori's hold before the latter can protest. "Okay." She's proud of herself when her voice almost doesn't tremble. "I think I still have some pancake mix left - somewhere. You're free to look wherever. I'd do it myself, but I, uh, I really need a shower." She knows she's being rude, but she can't help it. There's pressing heat low in her stomach and if she continues to be around Tori in this state - if Tori keeps looking like that, all lazy and pliant and warm with her t-shirt riding up her stomach- "Help yourself," she quickly utters as she hurries to the bathroom, leaving Tori behind to chuckle. Because of course Tori understood what's going in her mind. Of course.
The water is cold when she hastily turns it on, and she squeaks as she jumps from under it and frantically adjusts the temperature. She's not a fan of cold showers in the first place, but right now, cool streams feel freezing on her heated skin, and it's far from pleasant.
And that's what she's here for. She doubts she'd be able to go through the breakfast without some... relief.
(There are a million thoughts and feelings rushing through her all at once, but, just like always, she settles on the easiest one. She knows she'll have the whole night to herself later to obsess over every little thing that happened the night before, but right now she's got one less scary, but particularly pressing matter.)
Her hands follow the water down her stomach; then up, to her chest. She hesitates only a moment, contemplating whether or not it'd be right, before her fingers find the stiff peaks of her nipples. A ragged breath falls from her lips when she squeezes, just slightly, barely, but it's enough to send an electric jolt to her core. She strokes, tentatively at first, focusing on the way it echoes in her clit - and, God, not for the first time she's grateful about her sensitivity when it comes to her breasts.
Tori and her had a couple of particularly… interesting nights when she was able to fall apart just from this. Careful, light, long fingers brushing against her chest as plump lips nibbled on her neck and brown eyes drank her in.
She lets out a shuddering breath at the memory, stumbling back to support herself against the bathroom wall and hissing when she comes in contact with cold tiles. It's forgotten almost immediately; she closes her eyes and arches into her own hands as they finally cup her breasts and squeeze.
A sharp cry makes her come to her senses, and she blinks a couple of times, forcefully reminding herself she's not alone, and Tori can't, absolutely cannot hear her. Even if she's probably guessed - she can't.
Deciding she's had enough of foreplay today and last night and, quite honestly, these past couple of months, she trails her hand down her stomach. And chokes on her own moan. She hasn't anticipated feeling such sharp relief at finally being touched - just like she didn't expect to find herself this drenched.
Definitely not water, she thinks to herself, and then, all thoughts leave her mind as she brushes her thumb over her clit, to slick folds and back, and easily slips two fingers inside, without any resistance. It's almost embarrassing how not long it takes her to crumble. Her thumb firmly pressed to her clit and her other hand pinching her nipple, she comes on her own fingers with a silent scream, mouth open wide and eyes screwed shut; and her orgasm is a white, hot flash through her entire body.
"Tori," she quietly moans as she feels herself pulse. "God, Tori…"
There's a loud thud coming from the kitchen, and it jolts her back to reality. She almost jumps, withdrawing her hand and smirking bashfully when her cunt clenches around nothing, wistfully, greedily. Not today, she chuckles to herself and quickly finishes up. It feels like she's already been here for far too long. Tori's probably already done with pancakes.
It's very quiet when she walks out of the shower, having thrown her pajamas back on. "Tori?" she calls, fighting off the blush as she thinks back to her shower. "Sorry I took so long, I-"
Tori's slow as she meets her eyes, and her fingers are trembling, causing the paper in her hand to tremble as well. There's an empty Captain Crunch box lying on the floor next to her feet, along with a large pan and a shattered mug, and Jade's eyes go wide with terrified realization.
She couldn't make herself throw the letters out, and so she hid it in the only place she knew Cat wouldn't snoop in. Surprisingly enough, her friend is serious about no added sugar in her diet since her whole swearing off Bibble and candy after high school.
She couldn't even imagine Tori ever getting close to that box, either. Stupid. She's been so stupid and now-
"Why didn't you tell me?" Tori's voice is quiet. Small. "Why didn't you - Jade," she breathes out, and there's so much raw emotion in her eyes Jade feels like falling to her knees.
"I don't know," she whispers, somehow managing to find her voice. "I don't know. At first I was afraid you'd think it was some kinda ploy, and then I just - I thought I'd show them to you when we got better. When… when I got better."
Tori's quick to cross the room and gather her in her arms. "All those girls - they would have never become something more," she whispers to her, hot and ragged. "I need you to know that."
And Jade finally allows herself to break.
They stay on the floor after Tori gently guides her down. The box is still there, with letters scattered around it, and Tori's arms around her are strong and sure.
"Where do you want me to start?" She asks, gently, and Jade takes a deep, calming breath.
"From the start," she says simply. Fishes out a letter and passes it to Tori, and wipes her cheeks as she watches her unfold it. She knows it's no use. More tears are inevitable considering what they are about to do. "You already read the first one, so - here. I didn't think I'd keep going, but…" she trails off with a watery chuckle.
"We don't have to do this," Tori tells her quietly. The gentle press of her lips to her temple brings forth a new wave of tears, but Jade swallows them down.
"I know. I want to."
Tori nods, and reads. Her frown deepens as she does, and her hold on Jade tightens.
Jade's startled when Tori suddenly leans in and brushes her lips against hers. It takes her several seconds to respond, and when she does, she tastes salt. Tori probably does, too, but she's persistent. When they part, Jade blinks. "What was that for?" she whispers, smiling through tears.
"Your letter," Tori says, and it's a little unsure, but her voice grows stronger as she continues to speak. "You wrote - that I'd kiss you when I read this, and I followed the instruction." Her smile is weak, but soft, and Jade bites the inside of her cheek to stop the new onslaught of tears.
'Right now you're reading this exact sentence and pausing to kiss me.' She remembers that. Now. She's never re-read those. It hurt too much. But now - maybe, now it'll help her heal.
"Dork," she murmurs to Tori, and kisses her again. Just because she can. Just because the past her couldn't.
"I remember that day," Tori tells her when they break the slow kiss. "I felt - terrible, but… Seeing you with your brother, with your family. It finally clicked then. He was the culprit, and here he was, alive and well and laughing, and I - I started to get it a little more. Why you did what you did." She lets out a humorless laugh, and Jade squeezes her hand. "I always got it. It hurt. God, it hurt. But seeing him helped me start to let go of that pain. Does that make sense?"
"Yes. It makes all the sense in the world." Jade hesitates before asking her next question. "Is that… Is that why you kissed me? In the bathroom."
"Partly," Tori admits, before her lips curl in a small smirk. "I also couldn't keep my hands off you. I never could, and that scared me for awhile."
She's silent as she reads through the entire third letter. Jade watches her as she frowns, and smiles, and swallows thickly. She watches her stop reading and just look at the paper for several seconds, before her lips twitch in another weak smile. "Cat has the best timing, doesn't she?" She glances back at Jade. "She was at the door so you had to stop writing."
"Oh. That. Yeah," Jade smiles. "She's - yeah."
Tori's smile fades. "I'm glad you didn't let me go," she says. "Even if it was insane and probably wrong, I - I'm happy we kept going. It got us here. We could've went a much better path, but - we're still here."
"I know," Jade whispers. "I'm happy, too."
"Ask me," Tori suddenly says. "Ask me again if we're meant to be."
"Tori…" Jade sighs, shaking her head and putting some distance between them. Brown eyes follow her every movement. "I can't do that when you're like this. That would be taking advantage of you, and I've done enough of that to last me several lifetimes," she quips dryly, making Tori chuckle in spite of herself. "These," she points at the letters, "are emotional for you - for us, and you're not thinking clearly. I don't want you to say something you might regret later."
Tori presses her lips together, but doesn't argue. "Perhaps you're right," she admits in a quiet voice. "But you will ask me again someday." Jade's heart jumps in her chest, and beats sharp and fast at Tori's suddenly intense gaze. "And I will be ready to answer."
"Deal," Jade whispers. Tori nods, and goes back to reading again, while Jade watches her, deep in thought.
A/N: Please leave me your thoughts. :) Are you as happy as I was when Tori finally found the letters?